What do you think would be some possible facebook status updates for people on UM? I'll start.

Tim McClure - Police found gun and confession letter buried in backyard. Not sure how that could have happened.

:lol: GREAT thread idea!

Judy Groezinger: The BFF just moved in. Let the rumoring begin...
#notfriendsinthatway

Howard Drummond: Latest issues of Scientific American and Soviet Life this A.M. in the mail, enjoying them over some coffee and toast. #dollarninetynine #rubberbandbonus

Lisa Penz: Finally found someone not on drugs to fill the position. #goodday #delighted
Bonnie Wilder likes this.

Lisa Penz: Finally found someone not on drugs to fill the position. #goodday #delighted
Bonnie Wilder likes this.
Bahahaha!!!! :lol:


Paul Pollis: Can't believe people think I leave my kids at home alone. #notthatkindofafather #neverwillbe

Wade Mitchell Parker: Get your dream home through me!
Paul Pollis liked, commented: Will it be clean? #cleanhouseorbust

Haha, i'm giggling myself silly at these. :D Hilarious idea for a thread. Someone should do Jules Caylor.

Dennis Depue: Just watching a nice episode of Unsolved Mysteries...
5 minutes later
Dennis Depue: FML!

Julius Patterson has invited you to play Farmland. Location: abandoned factory.

Jule Caylor - "I was just arrested for Dottie's murder. My cell mate told me he wanted a tossed salad. I said that's my specialty!"

San Mateo Arsonist shared a link.
Dude, I love this song! -with Omar
"The Roof Is On Fire"
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San Mateo Arsonist
I'm so bummed, I lost my jacket.

Bob Bean's son would just continually upload photos he was taking of Sammy Wheeler.

Charlotte Nagi is wondering where her daughter is. I've PMed her 25 times this morning and still haven't heard anything back.

Pamela Page has just left her husband and skipped town with $60,000 and a woman named Sarah.
Rob Page likes this
Willie Frisby: Rob, you wrote this status yourself, didn't you?

Don Dixon is off to have lunch at Taco Bell - with Eric Tamiyasu.
Eric Tamiyasu: Wha... who are you again?

Josephine White: How do I look as a blonde? #makeover

Charlotte Nagi is wondering where her daughter is. I've PMed her 25 times this morning and still haven't heard anything back.

Pamela Page has just left her husband and skipped town with $60,000 and a woman named Sarah.
Rob Page likes this
Willie Frisby: Rob, you wrote this status yourself, didn't you?

Don Dixon is off to have lunch at Taco Bell - with Eric Tamiyasu.
Eric Tamiyasu: Wha... who are you again?

:lol:

Bob Bean's son would just continually upload photos he was taking of Sammy Wheeler.

:lol:

Larry Gibson is going out to shoot innocent animals.

Mabel Woods: If he comes near my animal shelter, he's had it.
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Psychic Sylvia Browne dies.

Dorothy Allison, Nancy Myer and just about every other reputable psychic on UM likes this
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XX Meat Market - Don't miss our Black Friday special: Buy one large steak, get one free.

Jim Burnside likes this

Judith Hyams: Can anyone loan me $300? I um, need to get my nails done.

George Hodju likes this.
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Bobbie Oberholtzer:The mates to all of my orange socks are missing. Has anyone seen the others?

Annette Kay Schnee likes this.
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Cindy James:would like to learn how to make different types of rope knots to use in calf roping lessons.

Neal Hall likes this
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Missy Munday:Just to clarify for all of my Facebook friends, I ain't no whore.

Jerry Strickland, Audrey Moate, and Rhonda Hinson like this
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Lisa Penz: Just looked out the lunchroom window and saw an ENORMOUS woman walking down the street!

Bonnie Wilder likes this

Bigfoot is going out to mess with tourists again.

Nessie, Ogopogo and Champ like this.

Liz Charmichael: Why do people constantly ask me if I am a man or a woman?
Cam Lyman, Martina Navratilova and Bruce Jenner like this.
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Mary Guillespe: I swear to God, the affair began AFTER the letters!
Sheriff Radcliffe, Paul Freshour, and the Circleville Writer like this.

I'm loving this thread, it's hilarious.

From the airwaves to Facebook, we're Kevin and Bean, your KROQ morning deejays, back with an all-new "Confess Your Crime."

Doug Roberts: Guys, wait. I forgot what I'm supposed to say this time.
Bean: Well, so much for our show today.
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Jule Caylor updated his employment status

Now works as head chef at Saladworks
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Fallowfield, PA police chief Woncheck: Where are ya, Art Jones?

Arthur A. Jones: In Texas
Arthur B. Jones: In Arizona
Arthur C. Jones: In Florida
Arthur D. Jones: In New Jersey
Woncheck: Forget it. Sorry I asked.
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Greg Webb was at Sunset Strip Club

Chief Krieger: Are you and any of the girls intimately involved?
Webb: No. Well, uh, yeah. Why?
Krieger: I dunno. Just curious, I guess.
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Megadeth Guy is now friends with Unidentified Circle K Customer.

Unidentified Circle K Customer: After all these years, I realize you were right about what you said to me in the store that night.

Megadeth Guy: Wanna go with me to the Great American Smoke-Out this year?

Unidentified Circle K Customer: You bet I would! That's the most romantic thing any guy's ever asked me to do.
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Tracy Wofford-Bunn's former boyfriend likes Soulja Boy.

The boyfriend's cousin: Well, so much for you and your "cutting edge" rap music.
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Sal Guardado was at Modell's Sporting Goods.

SG: I'm gonna sue this place for discrimination. They refused to sell me a bowling ball. Said they didn't think I knew how to use it properly. What do they know? On top of that, my car got stolen while I was in there, and nobody would even give me a car.

Jim Tatum: "Kay's ringing that damn bell again. Be back in a sec."

Liz Carmichael updated her employment status.

Now works as owner of G.E. Carmichael's One-Of-A-Kind Used Car Lot.

Liz Carmichael: I've got some great deals on some amazing cars today. Here's this great little '79 Fiesta. Great gas mileage, simple and easy to work on, and comes with a sunroof. Just a little heads-up, though. The stick shift lever is missing, so you'll need to stick a metal rod or something of that nature into that hole if you want to drive it. Also, I've got this beautiful Chevy Caprice Classic wagon. V-8 power, soft cushiony ride, room for 8 with gorgeous brown vinyl seating. Just don't throw it into reverse harshly or you'll blow the transmission. Also, I've got a beautiful blue-gray '74 Lincoln Continental. Dismal gas mileage but the ultimate in room and comfort. Just be advised that you may find large glops of mud caked into some of the nooks and crannies.

Tracy Wofford-Bunn, Rob Shafer, Gary Simmons and Tom Dixon like this.

"Cap'n" Chris Chichester: Off to work at the physics lab. Afterwards, buying a Rembrandt and then going out on my sailboat.
#somuchtodo #solittletime

Bonnie Wilder was at Old Country Buffett
Alan Mann likes this.

Richard Bocklage invited X University's page to play Candy Crush Saga.
Associate Dean: Really, Richard, there's a proper procedure for Facebook invites. You need to send it to your friends, not to fan pages.
Richard: Fine, forget it! I'll just delete my Facebook account while I'm at it!
Associate Dean: Richard, wait. We can work this out.
Richard Bocklage has deleted his account in a huff.

Perman Gilbert: Where the hell are my pants?

Garland Russell likes this.

Just can't get enough of this.

Greg Barker added a life event to his timeline: Married Hazel Head.

Hilda Rochet likes this.

Hilda Rochet: Congratulations. I can't think of two people that are more perfect for each other.
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U.S. News and World Report shared a link: Terrorist attack kills hundreds.

Dannion Brinkley: I've known for years that this would happen. Why didn't anybody consult with me to try and take preventative measures?
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Dr. Melvin Morse: So I went into a hospital today seeking employment. The HR manager told me they're not hiring right now, but that this place next door that sells fish tanks is looking for a sales rep. Just who does he think I am, anyway?
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Marshall Kirkpatrick: Finally got myself a nose job.

David Dowaliby likes this.
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Maytag Corporation shared a link: Be sure to check out our new refrigerator-freezer that automatically dispenses eggs without opening the doors.

Tina Resch likes this.
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Mary Woods: Honey, be honest with me. Do I still turn you on?
Ed Woods: Of course. Why would you think otherwise?
Mary Woods: It's just that every time we're about to get cozy, you have this sudden urge to get up and take a shower.
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Jule Caylor was at McDonalds.

Mrs. Caylor: This was Jule's first time ever eating at McDonald's, and boy did he ever have a hissy fit when he discovered that they don't have a salad bar. He started ripping chairs out of the floor and throwing them at the employees.

Leonard Dirickson

Not looking forward to Movember wrapping up...

Linda Mann likes Rough Sex
Alan Mann likes this.
Linda Mann "I have no memory of liking this..."

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Ted Kaczynski checked in at Deer Lodge, Montana
Zo diac likes this.

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Judith Hymes "Is alive and living in Omaha. LMFAO!"

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Leonard Rizzo "Hey, guys....anyone know where I can rent a wood chipper?"
Leonard Rizzo "Nevermind. I found one."

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Sarah Powell "I just heard a noise, upstairs... ;)"

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Champy "Hmm....what's there to do in Port Kent?" @ Port Kent Ferry Dock
Richard Greenwell likes this
Walter Tappan: "HEY! I just spent six hours looking for you! You weren't in Port Kent! WTF?!"
Champy "U Mad Bro?"



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(And despite being a Nirvana fan...)

Kurt Cobain: "I'm all out of Barq's. F*** this." :(
Courtney Love likes this.

Jule Caylor - "I was just arrested for Dottie's murder. My cell mate told me he wanted a tossed salad. I said that's my specialty!"
:rotflmao:

So wrong and immature, but this is one of the funniest things I've ever read on here! Poor Jule once he found out what that really meant, lol.

Classic thread too. I bet if FB actually existed in 1985 or 1991, etc. this is pretty close to the stuff they would've actually posted.

Hugh Harlan: Glad to have helped with fish today. Saw something weird in the water today though and can't figure out what it was.
Hugh Harlan's friend liked, commented: What it were!


Omar was at Arsonists Anonymous' Annual Christmas Party
Every LE agency ever likes this.

LOL at Omar!

Tony Mitchell "Can't wait for my boy Bruce's retirement party! We're all gonna be there, buddy!"
Det. Bruce Hackert likes this.

Can you imagine (i.e. assuming Facebook had existed in the mid-late 80s/early 90s, AND that they were somehow technologically proficient enough to be on it regularly) all the status updates the Wackers would've posted?

Bill Wacker has had enough of this kook.
Dorothy Wacker likes this

This is such great stuff! I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. :lol:

Gilbert Ortiz - Wife says I need to bulk up. Anybody tried any of those protein shakes?
Elizabeth Ortiz likes this.

Krispy Kreme Fansite -Don't forget, tomorrow is buy one - get one free day.
Michael Swango likes this.

Matthew McConaughey - Auditioning for a part on Unsolved Mysteries. Wish me luck!

Deleted

Curt Borton, Jr.
It looks like snow.
Diane Borton likes this

Poof!

I was wondering how long it would take this thread from gallows humor to tasteless. I think we've found the answer. Doesn't someone from Jeremy's family read here?

(Just about any of the fraud victims): "I just traded in the family cow for these magic beans".

too far?

Diane Strom: "WHOEVER SAID I NEED ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES IS A STUPID MORON!!"

Bonnie Wilder: Having a hard time being inconspicuous today--Feeling enormous :(

Lisa Penz dislikes this.

Mr. Gordy just checked into the Wyricks House- with Heidi Wyrick.
About to visit this little girl
Mr. Gordy like this

Donny Hansen hates waking up at 4:30 AM after remembering he forgot to feed the dog. Time for a visit to the murder scene...

I was wondering how long it would take this thread from gallows humor to tasteless. I think we've found the answer. Doesn't someone from Jeremy's family read here?

Wait, now. Tell me how that is worse than other posts in this thread. If I'm not mistaken, isn't Jule Caylor's wife still missing? So, how is that any different? What makes mine tasteless and not those? Seriously? Besides, it's more of a poke at the dumb @ss that was waiving that gun around talking about it being just a toy. Not at Jeremy himself.

Wait, now. Tell me how that is worse than other posts in this thread. If I'm not mistaken, isn't Jule Caylor's wife still missing? So, how is that any different? What makes mine tasteless and not those? Seriously? Besides, it's more of a poke at the dumb @ss that was waiving that gun around talking about it being just a toy. Not at Jeremy himself.

Your intentions were to slam the scum that murdered Jeremy and I understand that. We all despise them. But even so, his mother Diane posts here off and on and she is an incredibly nice lady. In the Jeremy Bright thread, she mentioned reading every single comment we posted, page after page after page, just crying because she was touched that we were discussing her son at all.

The thought of her reading the comment about the gaping hole in her son's chest I think make us feel a litte uncomfortable, that's all.

Your intentions were to slam the scum that murdered Jeremy and I understand that. We all despise them. But even so, his mother Diane posts here off and on and she is an incredibly nice lady. In the Jeremy Bright thread, she mentioned reading every single comment we posted, page after page after page, just crying because she was touched that we were discussing her son at all.

The thought of her reading the comment about the gaping hole in her son's chest I think make us feel a litte uncomfortable, that's all.

Okay, I deleted it. There really is no good way to add the segment into this thread. Sorry for what I posted. It in no way was meant to poke fun at Jeremy. Just at those idiots that were involved in his disappearance.

I was wondering how long it would take this thread from gallows humor to tasteless. I think we've found the answer. Doesn't someone from Jeremy's family read here?

Yeah, there is no good way to add that segment into this thread. I just deleted mine, so you may want to delete this one since it quotes my previous post. Thanks.

Yeah, there is no good way to add that segment into this thread. I just deleted mine, so you may want to delete this one since it quotes my previous post. Thanks.

It has been poofed.

Now, back to mocking Omar and Bigfoot.

Tim McClure likes Herbal Essences

Tim McClure likes Herbal Essences
Speaking of McClure, did I read somewhere that his wife divorced him and has since been pointing the finger at him for Terri's murder? Or am I dreaming?

Jerry Strickland says "Why am I in prison? All they have is circlestansive evidence!"
Missy Munday likes this.

Colorado Times: Gay Marriage is finally legal in Colorado!
Judy Groezinger likes this.
:lol:

Speaking of McClure, did I read somewhere that his wife divorced him and has since been pointing the finger at him for Terri's murder? Or am I dreaming?

No, that would be my dream.

I jest, I jest.

No, that would be my dream.

I jest, I jest.

Maybe I read something on this site where we were all HOPING they would one day divorce and she would spill the beans.....:(

Todd Mueller is in Boise, Iowa.
Honolulu PD liked, commented: Idaho, man, Idaho. Thanks for the laugh!

Jule Caylor likes Wendy's.
Wendy's: Customers, could you please be sure not to make a mess of the salad bar? We want everyone to be able to enjoy it. Also, we're pretty sure we know how to make a good salad, despite what a certain customer has claimed. Also, we don't want you to send us pictures of you with salads...thanks, but no thanks.
Jule Caylor has unliked Wendy's

Trending worldwide on Twitter thanks to Gertrude Pruitt....

#fruitcake

Clarence Roberts: Third time is the charm

Geneva Roberts likes this.

Joe Owens

May 12 at 7:43AM ·
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is at The Home Depot Garden Center. #compost#patio#digging

Jim Harrison: Gotta go. Susan's being bad again.

Margaritaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Sharon Kinne likes this.

Ida Prewitt: In the waiting room at the hospital with all these children that are just grippin and bitchin.

Elizabeth Ortiz: Does anyone have any good recipes to make a milkshake? I need to give it to my annoying coworker as a peace offering.....

Mary Gillispie: Time to fess up. Guilt is weighing heavily on me.
Paul Freshourlikes this.

Iowa Homeowners Association
Judy Hymes likes this

Iowa Homeowners Association
Judy Hymes likes this
Wouldn't it be Omaha? ;)

Trending worldwide on Twitter thanks to Gertrude Pruitt....

#fruitcake

:lol:

I watched that one a couple days ago. I just love the exchange with the investor who barges into her office complaining about the missing money, Gertrude basically says, "We'll look into it," and then hands her a fruit cake and all is well.

I won't create a jokey Facebook status since I know the victims' family reads this board, but if FB had been around 20 years ago, I could TOTALLY see Chad Noe posting a drunken status update which revealed incriminating information about the crime.

Alan Mann: Ready for bed and popcorn

Like: Linda Mann & Isabella Kramer

:lol:

I watched that one a couple days ago. I just love the exchange with the investor who barges into her office complaining about the missing money, Gertrude basically says, "We'll look into it," and then hands her a fruit cake and all is well.

That must have been a kick**s fruitcake! :lol:

Local YMCA: Special on breakfast today. $0.99 breakfast....limit 3.
Like: Howard Drummond