When I was young, I always heard that family members were not normally selected as pallbearers for funerals because it was a stressful time and family had enough on their plate just grieving without having to have the burden of the "work" involved in such a task. It was almost always left to friends of the deceased and/or family. In rare cases, where there weren't a lot of available candidates, sometimes a cousin or nephew would be selected.

But lately I've noticed more and more family members are being selected. Is it just me, or is this some new trend that's now accepted as "OK"? I personally cannot imagine carrying my mother, father or brother's casket to its resting place. I was barely able to hold myself together as it was.

Thoughts?

my dad was one of my grandpapa's pallbearer's at his funeral in 86.

Wow, I can't imagine a person carrying their parent's casket at their funeral. I've never seen it here, and I've gone to my share of funerals. I guess things are different everywhere.

I was a pallbearer with my male cousins for my grandma when I was 12 and then my grandpa when I was 15. I've never heard of non-family members being pallbearers.

I was a pallbearer at my cousin's funeral.
He was 25. I was 19.

Next I was pallbearer at my best friend's funeral.
I don't remember if any family members were, I think his brother
was, it was a long time ago. It's all mixed up in my mind because it was a completely wacked out occurence. I actually saw myself on the local news.
Wow, that was a really, really bad time.

I've been to several funerals for family members and with pallbearer selection it usually depends on who's available. The choosing of the pallbearers is done during the visitation. The person handling the arrangements will select 6 people to ask and if any decline, they will continue until 6 are found and possibly 2 honorary pb's. When my grandfathers died, the 6 oldest grandsons served as pallbearers. When my cousin died at 18, 6 of his best friends from high school were selected. In some cases, 6 family members may not be available and others will be selected.

My family members have always been pallbearers.

My brothers were pallbearers at my mother's funeral.

Around here it's always been common for family members to be pallbearers. I've done it twice. Once for my Aunt and once for a friend.

Sometimes the relatives want to be pallbearers as a final way to be there for the deceased. My brother, his son, my husband & our son were pallbearers at my sister's funeral as well as two of her husbands closet friends. I suppose it depends on what everyone is comfortable with.

I thought it's always been common. It's not a "new trend".

Well, apparently I've been living in Oddball USA for my whole life...been to probably a hundred funerals in my life and it's only in the last few years that I've seen close relatives (sons, brothers, etc.) as pallbearers.

Again, I am very grateful no one expected me to perform this task for my own family. I was too busy falling to pieces.