Frasier & the gang had so many great funny lines & quotes that I thought we could post some our favorites.


Frasier - "Thanks for coming down to celebrate my 2000th show."

Bulldog - "Yeah, yeah, congrats, didn't think you'd last 2 weeks."

Martin - "Oh jeez, the disposal's jammed. Stick your hand down there & see what's stuck, will ya?"

Niles - "Ah dad, it's me Niles."

I love a couple from the Pilot episode.

Martin had just moved in and Frasier was telling him about his furniture.
Martin: "Nothing matches."
Frasier:"It's a style of decorating, it's called eclectic."
Martin gives him a weird look.
Frasier:"Well the theory behind it is, if you've got really fine pieces of furniture, it doesn't matter if they match. They will go together."
Martin: "It's your money."

Later a delivery man drops off Martin's chair..
Frasier: "Dad as dear as this piece is to you, I just don't think it goes with anything here."
Martin: "I know, it's eclectic!"

Frasier answers the door and Daphne is standing there with her hand down her blouse.
Daphne: "Oh, hello. Caught me with me hand in the biscuit tin. I'm Daphne, Daphne Moon."

^ Those are great! ^

Niles - "Maybe it wouldn't hurt to look into getting some of Maris's eggs frozen."

Frasier - "Oh I suspect they're only a few degrees away from that now."

Frasier talking to Niles about Gertrude...

"All the wine presses in Bordeaux wouldn't crush that woman."

^Good one! lol!

At Cafe Nervosa, Roz with a new boyfriend

Roz - "Isn't he fabulous?"

Frasier - "Yes, Yes, fabulous sums it up in a word."

Martin - "I think he's perfect for you Roz, good looking, friendly and not gay at all."

Frasier: I cut myself shaving because I was shaving without water. Why was there no water? Because I had to move your chair, which gouged the floor, which made me call for Joe, who found bad pipes, which called for Cecil, who ate the cat that killed the rat that lived in the house that Frasier built!

^ Good One!

Frasier talking to Eddie after a rough day at the station and you get the feeling he wasn't too fond of pets.

Frasier - "Don't stare at me Eddie. I'm a humane man, but right now I could kick a kitten through an electric fan."

Frasier: I see. So we set a lizard loose to catch the cricket? Then what? We get an owl to eat the gecko?! Then we get a tiger to eat the owl? What eats the tiger, dad? Tell me that!
MARTIN: An alligator, for one, smart guy!

^ lol! ^

Frasier talking to Roz about dating a Frenchman.

Frasier -"So that's it, huh? No Americans left to date?"

Frasier - "Have you been listening to me?"

Martin - "Well I tried not to but some of it still got through."

Niles comes out, covered in shaving cream

Martin:You know what must've happened? My Hot-N-Foamy must've exploded!
Daphne:He was a detective, you know!

Frasier:Well, no matter what you're feeling now, your reasoning is still sound.
Niles:My reasoning?! My reasoning was based on my mother's obsession with vermin!

Daphne:You know what's curious, though?
Frasier(high on painkillers):Cats?!

Niles:What's that perfume you're wearing?
Daphne(Laughs):Leave it to you to notice. It's Obsession.
Niles:No, it isn't! I was just curious!

Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do, I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun, except without the warmth.
------
Frasier (about the cricket): Dear God, make him shut up!
Martin: That prayer doesn't get answered around here.
-------
Martin (on the phone): Oh hello, Duke. I can't talk right now. I'm in the Twilight Zone!
--------
Rick's (Alice's father) dad: What's that I smell?
Martin: Probably Japan!

Frasier: "How can anyone make a sound judgement about another person on the basis of one phone call?"

Niles: "Remind me again what it is you do for a living!"

A Niles & Roz quote:

Lilith:"Daphne, Niles; congratulations on the successful co mingling of your genetic material."
Leave it to Lilith to take all the fun out of it.

I love what Niles says later when Lilith asks the sex of the baby.
"Do we? That's how we got pregnant!"
Naughty Niles...

A Frasier & Roz quote:

A Frasier & Niles quote:

Frasier: So, Niles, did you have a discussion with Maris?
Niles: No, but I had an epiphany! I realized, cutting off my funds is Maris's way of saying, "I love you!"
[Frasier just stares at him]
Niles: She always uses money to get what she wants; ergo, this is proof she wants *me* back! What do you think?
[the robot Santa says "Ho Ho Ho!"]
Frasier: I think Santa's said it all for us.

Niles: What is that perfume you're wearing?
Daphne: Leave it to you to notice. It's Obsession.
Niles: No! No it isn't! I was just curious.

Ed.

[Daphne explains that the smoke alarm over her bed went off]

Daphne: God, the noise the bloody thing makes! It would be less upsetting just to wake up on fire!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/maritsapatrinos/niles-gotta-have-it

"May your opera box be full of cellophane crinklers and a stage swarming with standbys!"

Roz: (*shares a dating tip or something like that from a magazine with Frasier)
Frasier: "In what esteemed medical journal did you find this fascinating tid-bit?"

A Niles quote:

Paraphrasing from memory.

Frasier "Daphne is psychic. We've decided to find it charming."

A Frasier & Niles quote:


With a line like that you never would have pictured those two getting together.

http://38.media.tumblr.com/26691329f716ace8d5aa58a5bc1efee5/tumblr_na2vzrlV0x1r4s15ko1_500.gif

A Frasier quote:

You have to admit it does get a bit damp around here - for God's sake, the state flower is mildew. - Frasier

A Roz quote:

A Niles quote/line:

Frasier: [after Frasier has just met Daphne, Martin's new kooky, live-in physiotherapist] The whole idea of getting somebody in here was to help ease my burden! Not to add to it!
Martin: Oh, do you hear that, Eddie? We're a burden.
Frasier: Oh Dad! Dad, you're... you're twisting my words! I meant burden in its most positive sense!
Martin: As in, "Gee, what a lovely burden?"
Frasier: Something like that, yes!

Frasier:

Frasier: Pardon me - I'm just going to poke out my mind's eye!

A Roz & Frasier quote:

Frasier: [equating Niles' marriage with a chess game] The King is stationary while the Queen has all the power.

A Roz quote:

A Niles quote:

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/46/39/34/46393463fa97844ecefbb7acddd60283.jpg

Roz & Frasier quotes:

Sam Malone: [Niles] Hey, he looks like you used to! What happened, man?

Frasier: It wasn't a Health Club you were running, there...

Frasier & Roz quote/lines:

Frasier: Oh, for God's sake! I am trying to get some sleep. I asked you to keep that dog quiet, and instead you outfit him with a megaphone!

Frasier & Roz:

Roz:

Frasier: Good Heavens, Niles, what am I? Your lackey?

Niles: No, no, no. I'm just engrossed in this "Heroes of Nas-Car."

Frasier:

Daphne (to Roz talking about she and Niles' first time): "And just when I thought I'd worn him out, he flips me over like a griddle cake and off we go again!"
Roz looks at Daphne in disbelief.
Roz: "Niles? Frasier's brother Niles?"
Daphne:"I'm telling you, it was like a marathon! He's spoiled me for any other man!" :lol:

Niles on his Segway: "Walking is but a distant memory. I can focus all my unused energy on other pursuits such as playing squash or lovemaking." :D

Frasier: "I am not crazy! I am dating a supermodel zoologist, whom I stole away from a professional football player, and she is off to the Galápagos Islands to artificially inseminate iguanas! Now is that so hard to believe?"
Niles: "Doesn't he realize how outlandish it all sounds?"
Martin: "Even a fake supermodel would have dumped him by now!"

Frazier: "Yes, it glows in the dark."
Roz: "So do I."

Frasier: You know, Niles, maybe you should have that Martini after all.
Niles: I can't, Frasier; I'm driving.
Frasier: [still reading the menu] Not anymore; they just towed your car.

Martin, Niles & Frasier:

Frasier: I'm having a young lady over on Friday night. I was hoping that maybe you could take Dad out for me.
Niles: Oh, I wish you'd said Saturday.
Frasier: Why? You have plans Friday?
Niles: No, I have plans Saturday.

Frasier & Roz:

Roz & Bulldog:

https://piximus.net/media2/48355/frasier-quotes-that-will-keep-you-laughing-for-a-while-3.jpg

Niles & Frasier:

https://piximus.net/media2/48355/frasier-quotes-that-will-keep-you-laughing-for-a-while-2.jpg

Niles & Frasier:

Martin: She just sat around whining all the time about how she'd like to be in a warmer climate.

Frasier: My guess is she finally made it!

Niles & Martin:

Frasier: Niles, there is another way.
Niles: You don't mean...
Frasier: Yes. I know it's a calculated risk. It is a little uncertain.
Niles: You can't be serious. It's unthinkable.
Frasier: Niles, what other choice do we have?
Niles: But the indignity, it reeks of desperation.
Martin: Now, now, before you do anything desperate, at least go stand in the cancellation line.
Niles: What did he think we were talking about?

Niles:

“Roz: Well, I think hugging is very healthy. I read somewhere that if you have physical contact on a regular basis, it can actually extend your life.

Frasier: Well, in that case you should outlive Styrofoam!”

Niles:

Daphne: “There’s nothing quite as exciting as a first date. All those questions you ask. ‘What’s your favorite food?’ ‘What’s your favorite color?’ ‘If you were to come back as an animal, what sort of animal would you be?’ If she were to ask you that one, what would you say?
Frasier: “’Check, please’ comes to mind.”

Daphne: "You could be sitting next to someone month after month, and before you know it, you're ripping each others clothes off. What do you call that?"
Niles: "Hope." 🤣

Niles: Well, since we eloped, some of Mel's colleagues decided to throw a little last-minute get-together to toast our nuptials.
Martin: Well, after Donny gets through with Frasier, you won't be the only one havin' your nuptials toasted.

Frasier: Oh, don't worry, Roz. Probably just one of my more are dent fans."
(Diane Chambers knocks on the studio booth's glass window. Frasier turns around and sees her, then screams.)

Frasier: (to Niles)"Well... She's back. The scourge of my existence."

Frasier: "I'm talking about... Diane Chambers."

Niles: "Seeing as how I have nowhere to to write the phrase 'Classic denial', I'll move on."

Diane: "Oh, I always keep a bottle of that open myself."

Frasier: "It's tax deductible!"

Diane: "It really is a lovely city."

Daphne: "But what about my flu shot?"

Niles: "What is it, another one of your 'til Dawn do us part relationships?"

Frasier: (to Niles) "Why not? We married strange women."

Niles: "...makes me hum like a Subzeroe refrigerator."

“Martin: She just sat around whining all the time about how she'd like to be in a warmer climate.

Frasier: My guess is she finally made it!”

Carla: (to Frasier)"Look at you! I forgot how big your head is."

Cliff: "...what's going down?"
Norm: "My blood alcohol level. Suds do your stuff."

Frasier: "Carla was never really a fan of Cliff's."

Daphne: "I never knew there were so many letters in the dolphin alphabet."

Mr. Twitchell: "...what will the mail be without Cliff Clavin?"

Man: "Cliff, I will miss you, too, you dumb son of a bitch."

Frasier: "Well, see you around, Big Shooter."

“Martin: When your mother got mad at me, I'd just grab her, bend her backwards and give her a kiss that made her glad she was a woman.

Niles: I can't do that with Maris. She has abnormally rigid vertebrae; she'd snap like a twig.”

Frasier:

“Frasier: Well, do you want me to answer as a friend, or a therapist?

Roz: As a friend.

Frasier: See a therapist.”

(Last line of the series.)
Frasier: "Wish me luck."

Ann: So, this is kind of weird, huh?

Frasier: Yes, I hope that you're being here means that you've forgiven me?

Ann: Well, I was pretty steamed after that date, but my shrink helped me work through the rage. Good thing you didn't walk in front of my car on the street for the first few weeks or I would've just gotten out and given you a good kick.

Frasier: Yes, and I would've deserved one, too. Here, let me take your coat. You're going to want to look around the place before you write up the policy.

Frasier’s Funniest One-Liners Prove The Reboot Will Never Live Up to the Classic '90s Sitcom (https://www.cbr.com/frasier-funniest-one-liners/)

The iconic sitcom Frasier delivered countless hilarious one-liners that the reboot fails to capture.

Niles: Hello, Frasier. We were in the neighborhood for a pedicure and a seaweed wrap and we thought we'd stop by. Of course, the pedicure was for...

Martin: Stop right there! There's no way to finish that sentence that'll make me proud.