The dialog between the characters on this show was very funny, so if you can think of any funny quotes, feel free to post them.


Del Cassidy - "It doesn't have to be the worst time in your life."

Caroline Duffy - "Isn't that the slogan for Euro-Disney?"

Richard Karinsky - "I'm Stuck"

Del Cassidy - "What do you mean?"

Richard Karinsky - "I'm Stuck. Are you having trouble with the "I'm" or "stuck"?"

Thanks so much for posting this! I wish I had the actual DVD's for this show but I've been deleting the eps off of my DVR as I watch them-b/c I have so many to watch. But I've heard some hilarious lines, so I'll make sure and write them down as I hear them!

^ No problem. There's funny dialog in every episode & Richard usually has some of the best ones.


Caroline D. - "Richard why are you so nervous, Donna's gone."

Richard K. - "Caroline, I spent the afternoon with a mobster's girlfriend and she was naked. They cut off your tongue if you squeal. God only knows what they cut off for this."

Melody - "The bow never touches the gift directly. Bow, Paper, Box, Tissue, Gift."

Richard - "Window, Push, Pavement, Splat, Relief"

Richard - "Window, Push, Pavement, Splat, Relief"
:lol: :lol: Just watched that today!

Del: It doesn't have to be the worst time in your life.
Caroline: Isn't that the slogan for Euro-Disney?

Caroline: [doorbell] I'll get it.
Richard: I'll get it.
Caroline: No, I'll get it.
Richard: I said I'll get it.
Caroline: Fine, then you get it.
Richard: You wanna get it so bad, then you get it.

Richard: Does this elevator go straight to Hell or do I switch in the lobby?

Richard: How could anyone not like the opera. Opera is transcendent. It is the most intense musical experience a person can have.
Caroline: Plus you get to wear those neat, long gloves!
Richard: You know, I'm certain that's what Mozart had in mind when he wrote The Marriage of Figaro. 'Oh, goodie, now women can accessorize!'

Caroline: Alone in the moonlight, walking hand-in-hand with a monkey. Kinda reminds me of my first date with Del!

Caroline: You're Richard's mother?
Natalie Karinsky: Oh, did he tell you I was dead? Usually he tells everyone I'm dead.
Annie: No. He said you lived in Utah.
Natalie Karinsky: Utah? I'd rather be dead.

Annie: I'm getting audited by the IRS!
Richard: Oh, goodie, Santa got my letter.

This is the best quote by far... I laughed so hard I was crying when I heard this!

Annie: What are you doin'?
Richard: I'm going home. The same thing you do after you get out of bed and find your clothes.

Richard: Oh God, I hate Mondays.
Caroline: Its Tuesday, Richard.
Richard: I know, I'm still trying to get over yesterday.

Annie: Wow! You don't know "The Brady Bunch"? See, this is the problem with the American education system!

Annie: Wow! You don't know "The Brady Bunch"? See, this is the problem with the American education system!


^Those are some very funny quotes you've posted!

Here's another one:

Mrs. Spadaro - "You don't show your respect by showing off your brassiere."

Annie - "Alright Maw, I'll take off my brassiere."

Richard - "Doesn't it come off automatically at midnight?"

^Those are some very funny quotes you've posted!

Here's another one:

Mrs. Spadaro - "You don't show your respect by showing off your brassiere."

Annie - "Alright Maw, I'll take off my brassiere."

Richard - "Doesn't it come off automatically at midnight?"

:lol: :lol: :lol: I haven't seen that many yet, so as soon as I watch some more I'm sure I'll come up with more quotes!

Richard has come into Remo's and is wearing a tux and has to explain his outfit after Annie has referred to him as a butler....

Richard-We happen to be going to the Met tonight!
Charlie-Oh... Fashion note... Tuxedos at a baseball game? (Shakes head no)
Richard-Not the Mets, Charlie. The Met!
Charlie-I don't think so. There's nine of them!

Annie is bragging about being recognized from a commercial she did.

Annie-They saw a celebrity, I brightened their day.
Remo-Are you okay here or should we get another table for your head?

^ That was a good one too.

Del stops by Richard's seedy apartment building.

Richard - "Del, what are you doing here?"

Del - "I was just in the neighborhood."

Richard - "What, you needed to buy some crack?"

Del - "The better you get at it, the more cash you'll make."

Richard - "You know you'd be more convincing if you actually had the horns & pointy tail."

Del - "I am not a cow."

Caroline - "You can't just walk into Annie's bedroom."

Richard - "No, you're right, there's probably a line."

Richard speaking to Del - "Hello! Hello! I know I don't have breasts but I'd still like your attention."

Annie - "Richie can't drive."

Richard - "This is true, but if you lay down in the street, I'll give it a try."

This one's from Caroline & the Kid

Richard is chasing after a spoiled rich little boy.

Richard - "Hey give me back my glasses, Ah the poster boy for vasectomy."

Caroline - "Inside, he's not so bad."

Richard - "Give me a scalpel and I'll go look."

Richard: How could anyone not like the opera. Opera is transcendent. It is the most intense musical experience a person can have.

Caroline: Plus you get to wear those neat, long gloves!

Richard: You know, I'm certain that's what Mozart had in mind when he wrote The Marriage of Figaro. 'Oh, goodie, now women can accessorize!'

Quotes from my favorite episode "Caroline and the Cat Dancer"; David Hyde Pierce is Jimmy....

Jimmy: I love Cats. I've seen it 13 times.

Annie: Oh, that's really sad.


Jimmy: Do you know what I'm doing?

Annie: Yeah, I got a pretty good idea.

Jimmy: I'm marking you.

Richard: Oh God, I hate Mondays.

Caroline: Its Tuesday, Richard.

Richard: I know, I'm still trying to get over yesterday.

^ :lol: Good ones! ^

Del -"Hey look, you've been with a lot of men."

Annie - "Oh man, is this another intervention."

richard: well if it isn't tiny tim and the sl*t of christmas past

richard to melanie: push, door, splat, release!

^ lol!

Richard: "Well, thanks for the company, but I think I'd better just go to bed and sleep off whats left of this miserable night."

Annie: "Richard, it's your birthday, there's still one more thing we have to do."

Richard: "I'm not that drunk..."

caroline: i sense a big but coming
richard: don't keep her waiting, annie. turn around

caroline and the condom

richard: you know you never really thanked me for that
caroline: well richard thank you
richard: no, i mean with money

^ Good one!

Caroline: "Did he just say 'fee' and 'my place'?"

Annie: "Caroline, do not judge! The profession of gigolo is noble and time-honored."

Richard: "Must you always look at the world through tramp-colored glasses?"

(From Caroline & the Cat Dancer)

Annie: "Listen to this, I just got off the phone with some schmoo from the IRS who tells me I'm being audited for 1993. I don't remember 1993, that was the year I discovered jello shots."

(From Caroline & the Cat Dancer)

Annie: "Listen to this, I just got off the phone with some schmoo from the IRS who tells me I'm being audited for 1993. I don't remember 1993, that was the year I discovered jello shots."

My favorite episode! I love that quote! BTW, AB, I didn't mean to edit your post... I was just trying to reply to it. Sorry about that!

My favorite episode! I love that quote! BTW, AB, I didn't mean to edit your post... I was just trying to reply to it. Sorry about that!

:) That's okay, but I didn't know it was possible to edit another person's post. I learn something new every day on here. :)

I like that episode of Caroline in the City too, David Hyde Pierce is really good in it.

(Caroline reads from a fortune cookie)

Caroline: "A dog with a thousand faces still eats from one bowl. What does that mean?"

Richard : "It means they now have crack in China."

Del - "Her name is Risa Glickman. Doesn't that sound like music?"

Richard - "Yeah, if you're between stations."

(Caroline & the Mugger)

Del: "Did this guy have a gun? A knife? A husky voice?"

Richard: "No, No, No"

Caroline: "Del be nice."

Del: "What? If Bea Arthur came up behind me and asked for my wallet, I'd give it to her."

Richard: "Terrific, I get mugged and they talk Maude."

Del: "I'm outta here."

Richard: "Ooh did you feel that? The IQ level in this room just jumped 20 points."

Caroline: "This may come as a shock to you, but I used to see a therapist."

Richard: "You! No! Whatever made you stop?"

Caroline: "Ah, my therapist."

natalie: oh my god she's a doll, are you 2? (gestures with her fingers)
richard: windshield wipers

caroline: richard works for me
natalie: what is he, your house boy?
annie: yes

annie: yeah mr bedwetter
richard: i can't believe she told you that!
annie: she didn't, gotcha! 5 bucks!

Del - "You're Jewish, can't you help me out?"

Richard - "What, you want me to stand outside her window and be your
Cyrano de Berkowitz?"

Richard - "Does this elevator go straight to hell or do I switch in the lobby?"

Caroline: "I've see Annie naked!"

Richard: "Who hasn't?"

Annie: "She just got dumped by Trevor and you're 8 minutes out of a marriage."

Richard: "Don't pretend this is about protecting Caroline, it's about you and me."

Charlie: "That's right, you two love each other, admit it. Am I the only one who watches Mexican television?"

Richard -"Excuse me, what do you people think I do on my birthday?"

Caroline -"I don't know. I just assumed you curled up with a handful of dirt from your homeland and waited 'til dawn."

Richard - "Nope that's New Years."

(After being arrested for releasing animals from their cages)

Joe - "I know this place where they have incredible clam chowder. Boston."

Caroline - "But the judge said we weren't supposed to leave the state."

Richard - "There's nobody here."

Dougie - "They probably came in to steal the napkins. I hate that! I hate that!

Richard - "My fortune cookie was empty. Which, by the way, is the title of my autobiography."

annie to julia - wow you married richard? you are gorgeous... in a cheap sort of way

julia - ... when you're in italy, you're always late, capiche
annie - hey, i'm italian and i'm always on time
julia - really? i don't recall where new jersey lies in the boot of italy
annie - let me get a boot, i'll show ya

annie - how many hefty bags did you kill to get that shirt?
richard - not as many as the ones stuffed in your bra

^ lol! ^

Del - "What do you mean? You're going to give up $200 just because you're a little embarrassed? I'd walk down the street naked for $200."

Caroline - "You'd do it for $15, we already determined that last Halloween."

More quotes from Richard and Dougie:

A Caroline & Richard quote:

A Vicki & Caroline quote:

Del: "Teach me some basic Jewish small talk! Who's the guy on the roof?"

Richard: "Me, in about 10 minutes if you don't leave me alone!"

Caroline:
And for my next trick I'm going to make my boyfriend disappear. I say the magic words. Opera.

Jimmy, auditioning for Cats.

Caroline:
[doorbell] I'll get it.

Richard:
I'll get it.

Caroline:
No, I'll get it.

Richard:
I said I'll get it.

Caroline:
Fine, then you get it.

Richard:
You wanna get it so bad, then you get it.

Richard:

Annie:
You finally get your one and only marriage and you don't accept because you see yourself in a Volvo commercial?

Joe & Richard:

Richard:
Donna I'm sorry were gonna have to call this off; my wife gets very jealous.

Caroline:
I can't believe you bringing another one of your women up here. While I'm at home feeding little Richard. And on our anniversary. He's not even a painter you know. He's a beast.

Annie & Jimmy:

Richard : So, Donna, do you miss Rome?
Donna : Oh, no. All that traffic and noise and pollution, and rude people.
Richard : Oh, I can see why you moved to New York.

Caroline & Richard:

Richard's machine:
Hello?

Caroline:
Yeah, Richard, it's Caroline -

Richard's machine:
Actually it's a machine, but aren't we all?

Caroline:
So now you decide to develop a sense of humor?