Hey..well i'm writing a new fan fic. i just finished my first one. i don't have much time but i'll write a little right now.....here goes.

It's 10 AM at The SFPD.

Captain walks out of her office with folders for everybody.
Cap hands Cd and Nate a folder:Robbery on 48th street. Nothing valuable was taken. go check it out. get some suspects. Find out who did it !
Hands a folder to Jinny and Magda.
Cap:A homeless woman was raped by 4 men it looks like. they took her shopping cart even though she did not own anything valuable. they all took turns raping her then slashed her throat and wrists to kill her and threw her off a cliff. then to finish her off they threw the shopping cart after her. Landed on top of her.
Jinny has a disgusted look on her face. She hates rape cases. So does Magda.
Jinny:When did they find her body ?
Cap:Yesterday afternoon. The hospital ran the tests to see if she had been raped-even though you could tell just by looking at her.

Cd had been listening to this. Comes over to jinny and magda.

Cd:God..what kind of a sicko does this to a human being.
Jinny: Wish i knew...it would make my job a whole hell of a lot easier.

Cap:Alright. well you all have things to do..so go do them.

So..what do you think so far ? the rape thing is in this book i'm reading so i thought i could write about it. :D
i'll write more later....

This is a great start!! And if this FF is anything like your last one it'll be amazing!!! :D

More more!!!!....I am kinda new here...i mean i have been reading posts for about 5 months now...but i just decided to start to post my own....and so about me...i am a divison fanatic and i love nancy mckeon!!.but back on the subject.....this is really good keep up the work!!:)

this is a great start, please add more soon

:wave: A'right. In the words of Jinny...hey guys I'm back. Ok so here's more.....

Cd and Nate leave to go investigate the roberry on 48th street.
Jinny and Magda go to visit the hospital to see if they can find some info on the woman.

*In the car ride*
Magda:4 men raped her ? then threw her off the cliff ?
Jinny:Yeah..then threw her cart after her..i guess the sex wasn't too good.
Magda:Jinny this isn't about sex-well it it but you know what I mean.
Jinny:I know-I hate rape cases. they give me the creeps. I was just trying to lighten the mood.
Magda:yeah well do me a favor and don't lighten an more moods for me will you ?
Jinny:Geez...I'm sorry. You okay mag ? you don't seem like yourself.
Magda:I'm fine. there's the hospital...pull over.

*They get out and walk into the hospital. they see Steven*

Jinny:hey doc.
Steven:Hey inspectors !
magda:Your cold all better.
Steven:Worse I'm afraid..but I'll heal. it's our rape victim I'm more worried about.
Jinny:Yeah..did she have any identification on her ? anything ?
Magda:um..what was..what was in the cart ?
Steven:Yeah...here's her wallet *Hands them a wallet in a plastic bag*
Jinny and Magda put their gloves on and take it out.
Magda:Jennifer Wright. Age-24.
Jinny:24 ? that's sad.
Steven:There wasn't much in the cart..just a blanket, a change of clothes and some worn and torn socks.
Jinny:Umm..we're gonna take this w/ us okay *indicating wallet*
Steven:Yeah sure.
Jinny:Thanx.
Magda:Thanx for your time.
Steven:Inspectors...*they both turn around* I hope you find the sonuvabitches.
magda:Yeah..me too.
Jinny:Thanx.

They walk out of the hospital. Magda sees a cafe across the street.

Magda:Hey Jin. I'll go buy coffee-wait in the car.
Jinny:Okay..you sure you okay *she yells this to magda because magda is almost across the street*
Magda yells back:I'm fine !

Magda thinking to herself:I told the cap..no rape cases ever. Does she not understand that ? I don't want everyone to find out. And Ben. He's so young. And gabe......


stay tuned to see what mag is talking about...you'll be suprised. i decided to take this more magda's way than jinny's in the beginning. but it'll be more about jinny in the middle and then the end will be about all of them. :D

That's great..keep going!

ooooh!!! I like how it's more about Magda!!! Post more ASAP!!!

Originally posted by Esperanza
ooooh!!! I like how it's more about Magda!!! Post more ASAP!!!

Yeah, I gotsa an IDEA!

MORE PLEASE!

hey tootsies ! ah my fav song is on ! i love it ! it's nickback's this is how you remind me ! omg. i haven't heard it in like a couple of days. yay ! so here's more....

Magda gets the coffee and gets into the car she gives a cup to Jin.

Jin:Magda, what's up ?
Mag:Why would you think somethings up ?
Jin:Listen mag you feel weird. you're acting weird and i'm getting weird vibes when i'm around you. you wanna tell me somethin ? or are you planing on giving me another intervention ? *jinny laughs but not magda*
Mag:Can we just go to work ? please ?
Jin:*looks worried* UH yeah.

Inside the SFPD

Captain walks out of her office.

Cap:Any new info on the rape ?
Mag: Yeah her name was jennifer wright.
Jin:She was 24.
Cap:24 ? are you serious ? i've done rape cases in the past but they're usually older.
Jin:Or younger.
Mag:What ? it's that hard to believe someone 24 was raped ?
Jin looks at her.
Jin:Uh..we're gonna go look ehr family up later. see if they know anything.
Cap:What's the point ? she was homeless. either she didn't have a family or she wasn't welcome there.
Mag:That's sad. what kind of mother would do that ?
Jin:yeah well. she was wearing a UCSF (university of california of san fransisco, my dream college along w/ Colombia) sweatshirt. so we're gonna go by the campus in a few minutes and see if we can find any info.

Cd and Nate walk in.

Cd:Hey. any luck w/ the case ?
Mag:Yeah. i wish. i'm gonna go to the bathroom.
Jin *after mag leaves*:She's ticked off at something.
Cd:Maybe the rape case.
Jin: Yeah.
Cap:Good luck.
Jin:thanx. *the cap goes back into office*
Cd:So you know if she's okay ?
Jin:Magda ? i dunno she's been acting weird since we got assigned to this case.
Magda enters the room.
Mag:Ready ?
JIn:Yeah.
Mag:oh cd..did you find anything new on the robbery ?
Cd:Nope. good luck guys.

Nate comes up to them.
Nate:Hey you guys come check this out.

They all look at the tv. Apparently there was a robbery in the bay area where a coupke of teens raped a mother and teen. they made the mom look. then smashed her skill with a baseball bat.

mag looks disgusted.

mag:god what kind of sicko does this.
Jin:Yeah i know. just think about it like this-we catch the 4 guys who did that t jennifer and they can't do it to anyone anymore.
Mag:yeah they probably raped 50 women last night.
Jinny is getting bothered by magda's attitude.

Magda:hey uh. Jin. can you ? um. can you go the campus yourself ? i gotta drop ben off at the sitters. i'll meet you here later. i gotta call gabe tonight.
Jin:You know what mag ? take the day off. i know i'm not the cap. but you need it. ok ? i think this case is getting to you. i'm sure the cap'll undertand.
mag:i'll go ask.

The captain lets mag have the day off for "personal reasons."

Mag comes out of the office.
Jinny nods at her as a signal to tell erh if she has the day off.
Mag:She gave me the day off.
Jin:Good. go home. get some rest.
Mag:yeah. thanx. see you tomorrow.
Jin:bye.

Jinny to herself:Wha is up w/ her ? she's never acted this way.

Magda picks Ben up from school and is going to drop him off at the sitters. *in front of the house, in the car*

Mag:Now ben. I want you to be a good boy for mrs.stevens.
Ben:Okay mommy.
Mag:and remeber-don't cause too much trouble. don't cause any trouble.
Ben: MOOOM ! can i go now ?
Mag smiles. The first time since this whole case started.
Mag:Sure baby. have fun. Now remember daddy will pick you up before school tomorrow. okay ?
Ben:Okay mom. bye. *kisses her* I love you.
Mag:love you too mijo.

Ben goes inside the house.

Magda to herself:It's time. gabe has to know. I've waited this long.

Magda drives up to gabe's work. She gets out. She spots gabe playing the piano.

Magda to herself:it's gonna break his heart but...

Gabe notices Magda.

Gabe:Maggie !
Magda:gabe-you now i don't like that name.
Gabe kisses her on the cheek.
Gabe:Sorry baby. what's wrong ?
Mag:This rape case is really bugging me. I'll tell you later. no i'll tell you now. Uh a woman was raped by for men-then they threw her off a cliff and threw her shopping cart after her. *gabe is about to questions something but magda answears it for him* she was homeless.
gabe:oh man.
mag:yeah. gabe listen.
Gabe:i was thinking we could have dinner at that new salsa club. you could wear that red dress i love so much. *gabe sees magda isn't smiling, which she always does when the subject is about dancing, especially her favorite, salsa.* Baby. what's wrong.
Mag:Gabe. i think there's something you should know. I've put it off for a while. Ben-

whatcha think ? :D

OMG! It so wasn't fair to stop there! how dare you?

.......!!!! I don't know what to say except you absolutely can NOT LEAVE ME HANGING LIKE THAT!!!!!!! Post more ASAP!! :eek:

Ok..here's more !

Magda still has Ben's name on her tongue. Should i continue ? i'm just teasin you guys ! lol. ok...

So magda has ben's name on her tongue.

magda:Ben-
gab:ben what ? he has a fever ?
Mag:Gabe, i want you to understand. and afterwards if you don't want to have anything to do w/ me i'll understand.
Gabe:What is it ?
Mag:And i don't think you'll stick around after i tell you. And i won't blame you.
Gabe:baby what is it ?
mag:Gabriel, Ben isn't your son.
gabe:what ?
Mag:when i was 24 i was raped on night. i became pregnant. ben's the child.
Gabe:So he's not my son ?
Mag:i couldn't tell people i was raped..i mean...
gabe:Oh so you decided to tell me i was the father and put all these responsibilities on me. and the guilt trips. not being there for ben. what was that ?
*magda just looks of into space*
Gabe:i'm outta here.
mag:Gabe !
gabe:no magda ! save it. ok ? just don't do me any more favors. ben's not my son ? i can't believe you !

Before magda can explain gabe takes off. More later !!

YAY! MEGAN! MORE PLEASE!

more times 99999999999999999999999999999999 (in other words: MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE-repeatedly)

aright....i'm gonna post some more since i haven't in a while. :D here's more.

magda couldn't believe it. but she knew gabe would walk out. she knew it.

magda to herself:god why ? why did i do that ? no..the question magda is why didn't i do it sooner ? i ruined his life. i made hime think he was nothing. god i can't believe i did that. omg. i have to tell ben...now. i've waited 8 years. i think he should know.

magda drove to her apartment. when she got home she found ben playing video games in his soccer uniform.

magda:hey how was practice.
ben:AWESOME ! i trapped the ball every time it came AND my coach says my dribblings getting better.
magda:Alright ! attaboy ! ok benjamin i think there's something you should know. *ske looks at the video game* mm..soccer death. your father get you this ?
ben:yeah. mommy please don't make me take it back. it's so cool. in fact it's helping me improve in soccer too.
magda:*laughs* you're just a handful aren't ya. *hugs him*
benjamin i think there's something you should know ?
ben:what mommy ?
magda:well i don't think your father's gonna pick you up for school tomorrow. or after school.
ben:why ?
magda:well he's busy. anyway..nejamin there's something else...
ben:what mami ?
magda:papi i need you to understand that this is hard for me. i've wanted to tell you this for a long time i just never knew what to say.
ben:what ?
magda:ben-honey-gabriel is not your real father. you see a long time ago before you were born something happened to mommy. she was patroling and all of a sudden a guy attacked her.
*ben looks confused. like a 6 year old learning calculs*
magda:honey there are people in this world who do things...that aren't right. and well you're mom got hurt that night. but she found out she was gonna have a baby. a baby benjamin. that's you.
ben:SO you mean my father's not my REAL father ? i can't belive you.
*ben starts to run...magda tries to grab him but she fails.*
ben runs to his room and slams the door. magda gets up to go talk to him

magda:ben...honey. i'm not asking you to understand but
ben:does daddy know ? has he known all along like u ?
magda:benjamin your father didn't know. i told him half an hour ago.
ben is crying.
magda goes over to him. she holds him.
magda:listen papi....
ben:i wanna know who my father is.
magda:ok. here's what we're gonna do.
ben:i wanna know who my father is !
magda:we're gonna take a trip benjamin. ok ? for a week. no school. no work. i'll call jinny. ok ? we'll go somwhere special. ok ? pack your bags.

magda leaves ben's room crying.

magda:good going. now your own kid hates you.

she dials jinny's dad's number. no one's there.

*answering message*

Jinny:Hey ! you've reached the exstead family. neither john sr, john jr, casey or me, jinny, are here right now. so after this comes a beep...well you know what else to do. so do your thing !

BEEP !

magda on the answering machine:Hey jin it's magda. listen i'm gonna be gone for a week. me and ben are gonna go take a vacation. i'll explain everything when i get back. tell the cap and everyone. good luck w/ the case. i'll talk to you see. ok..bye.

little did magda know that this one week vacation would be longer. and that both she and ben's lives were gonna be in danger !!!

u stopped, u stopped, how rude!

should i continue w/ this fanfic ? :confused:

yeah, keep going

ok i'm gonna post more. i dunno why but magda stories aren't my thing. but i am determined to finish this. lol.


Ok so Magda gets Ben's bags and gets him in the car. She drives to the mountains. She needed some time by herself.

Next day at the division....


Cap walks out of her office.

Cap:JINNY !
Jinny:What now ?
Cap:Where's mag ?
Jinny:Oh uh she took a "vacation".
Cap:Great, how long ?
Jinny:One week, why ?
Cap:You're falling behind in the case. Want me to assign cd to it w/ you ?
Jinny:No I can handle it.
Cap:Ok great. *leaves*

Just then cap's phone rings.

Jinny:SFPD...InspectorExstead speaking. Who may i ask is this ?
Mag:Jinny it's me, magda.
Jinny:Magda where the hell are you ?
Mag:I'm in the mountains. listen jinny. i have to tell you something. don't judge me on it. ok ? understand the position i was in.
Jinny:WHAT ?
Magda:I was raped.
Jinny:WHAT ?!?! OMG MAG WHERE ARE YOU ? I'M GONNA COME GET YOU.
Mag:No this was a while ago. anway i got pregnant. the kid is ben. his father isn't gabe, it the rapist.
Jinny:OMG !
Magda:Yeah Listen..

Jinny heard someone knock in the background.

Mag:Hold on.
Jinny:k.

Jinny heard Magda open the door and heard the words "BITCH." she heard something hit someone...someone named magda.

She then heard Ben say :MOMMY !! NO !!

Then.....a dial tone..........


more later !

Ahhhhh dont stop there im dying of supense:eek:

so uh here's more....


......dial tone......

Jinny:MAGDA !! MAGDA !!! *everyone at the division stares at her*
Jinny:CAPTAIN!!!

Captain rushes out.

Cap:Jinny what the hell ?
Jinny:Magda just called me and some one attacked her and called her a bitch and then i heard ben and then a dial tone we have to go get her we have to help her cap so go c'mon round up a team or sumthin.
Cap:ok Jinny just calm downa breathe..in and out...good just keep doing that. I'll get some officers on it.

Jinny is practicing her breathing *a funny sight too*

cap to herself:Magda attacked ? i wonder what jinny's smokin.

cap:Jinny where's magda ?
Jinny:In the mountains.
cap:oh ok....


a couple of seconds later...

cap:IN THE MOUNTAINS ?!?!
Jinny:yeah.
Cap:oh my god...it's gonna take at least 3 hours to get there.
Jinny:I'll go and cd and nate. get a couple of officers and we'll see you there.
cap:ok good ok. good luck and jinny-don't screw up.
Jinny:I won't.
Cap:Cuz we don't know if he has a gun or what.
Jinny:cap magda could be dyeing can we save the lecture for later.
Cap nods.

Jinny goes over to Cd and nate and tells them what happened.

Nate:oh my god. yeah sure of course we'll come.
Cd:Umm....*still shocked* ok let's go.
Jinny:let's roll.

They all get into Jinny's car and Jinny puts her siren on and drives to the mountains...hoping her best friend and partner still needs her.

Oh my gosh, this is really good! Do continue!

(By the way, I've just found Division fanfic... unfortunately I can't find much! Anyone know any good websites, aside from this one?)
:wave:

aright so here's more...gonna end soon...


Jinny is going like 80 mph in a 30 zone (haha...susan)....

CD:JINNY ! slow down !
Nate:jinny please i lost my stomach a -
Jinny:HEY ! Magda might be dead we have to save her.
Cd:Yeah but do we have to get killed in the process cuz see jin maybe i'm wrong but that would kinda screw the whole "saving madga thing" up.
Jinny starts to slow down.
Nate:*has a relieved look on his face* Thank you, thank you !
Cd:yeah for not killing us.
Jinny:Honestly one of your best friend's could be getting raped ..again...OR killed.
Nate looks confused.
nate:wait did i miss sumthin here ?
Cd:If you did i did too...she was raped when ?

***FLASHBACK****

Cd:No please don't hurt me.
Guy:shhhhh candance you don't me to tell your mom what you did.
Cd:I didn't do anything !
Guy:SHUT UP BITCH !
Cd:i'm gonna tell my mom...
Guy puts his hand on her shoulder. Cd moves away.
Cd has a disgusted look on her face.
Guy:HEY ! Who do you think your fu*kin mom is gonna please huh slut ?
Cd:Don't call me a slut.
guy:get on the bed.
Cd:No ! *tries to run but the guy gets her arm and pushes her against the dresser*
*****END FLASHBACK****

Nate:CD !
Cd:huh ?
Nate:I think i bored you there...you left us...
Cd:huh *laughs* yeah..so she was raped before ?
Jinny:OMG ! Did you not listen to what i just said ? the whole 10 minute talk...
Cd:Sorry i guess i just spaced out.
Jinny:yeah anyway...magda was raped a long while ago...she got pregnant, the kid's ben.
Cd:omg..so you mean ben isn't the dad ?
Nate:Don't know the fellow.
Cd:So she lied to him all this time ?
Jinny:Yeah...

They pass a sign that says they're only 3 miles away from their destination. Jinny keeps hoping that magda still needs help, while nate is debating w/ himself whether magda did the right thing by not telling gabe, and cd is thinking about her past....

more ?

Originally posted by InspectorExstead
Jinny:yeah anyway...magda was raped a long while ago...she got pregnant, the kid's ben.
Cd:omg..so you mean ben isn't the dad ?


HAHA MEG! Don't you mean Gabe isn't the father?

AND I LOVE IT MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE PLEASE!

Originally posted by Teddys_Gurl


HAHA MEG! Don't you mean Gabe isn't the father?

AND I LOVE IT MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE PLEASE!

whoopsie daisy...typo...my bad..my bad...i was like reading it after i posted and i was like "NO !!! BEN ISN'T THE DAD ! HE HASN'T GONE THROUGH PUBERTY YET !"....LOL...:lol:

ok..this obviously isn't the best fanfic and with magda being not on my favorites list recently i'm gonna work real hard not to injure her here...lol..or will i ?!? ok here's more........


They had been driving for 2 1/2 hours.

Cd:when the hell are we gonna get there.
Jinny:cd it's a 3 hour drive, calm down
Cd:magda might be hurt-what is up w/ the traffic...
Nate:probably an accident.
Cd:I swear if they got off there cell phones maybe there wouldn't be any accidents.
*cd goes over to turn on the radio*

She puts it on an oldies station.

Nate gives her a weird look. Jin sees it.

Jinny:i for one love oldies. but i really don't think now is the time for songs. *clicks radio off*

........40 minutes later.....


They arrive at the mountains.

Nate:there's like 50 cabins..which one do you think she's in.
Jinny:that one *points to one before hesitating*
Nate:how would u know ? you a psychic ?
Jinny:no it's her car and it's also her license plate so it can't be a different person's car.
Cd:yeah jin's right it's hers.
Jinny:ok guyz, we ready ?

They all take out they're guns.

Cd:ready
Nate:Let's bag the s.o.b.
Cd:you ready jin ?
Jin:as ready as i'll ever be *takes a deep breathe*

they run to the door of the cabin.

Jinny shouting :SFPD ! OPEN THIS DOOR ! NOW !

magda (inside):jinny *she's very weak* jinny *coughs*

They guys from inside the bedroom.

Guy:hey sweetie..i made out bed *magda gives him a disgusted look* ...we have an adorable child don't we. i bet it broke his so called fathers heart.

Magda is about to spit on him when he grabs her cheeks. this was very painful because magda had been in a lot of pain because he had hit her repeatedly.

Jinny:SFPD !!
Nate:OPEN UP NOW !

Guy:holy fu*k...did you call the cops. huh bitch ? *kicks mag in the stomach causing her to cough really loud*

Jinny:oh god...let's do this....


more ?

ok...I'm gonna continue even if no one is reading....

Jinny opens the door and sees Magda laying on the floor.

Jin:Omg..SFPD! STEP AWAY, PUT YOUR HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD. NOW !
*nate goes over to the guy who struggles with him, eventually nate puts the handcuffs on him*
Nate:*reads him his rights*

Jin and Cd go over to Magda.

Cd: Oh my god, Mag are you ok?
Mag:hmm...long, long, day. where the hell have u been ?!?!??!!
Jin:Jesus, mag, it was a 3 hour drive, plus traffic and everything.
Cd: Did he hurt you or try anything or anything?
Mag:no *coughs* but was going to.
Cd:Ok...get up.
Jin:Where's Ben?
Mag:BEN ! he's in the room, I think. Oh god, *coughs up blood*
Jin:Ohmygod, Magda magda listen we need to get u to a doctor ben's fine, I think. Go with CD I'll get him. CD-
CD:Nearest doctor, on it.

Cd helps Magda up and takes her away.
Nate:Hey, you ok?
Mag:hmmmm....*nods*
Cd:we're gonna take her to the hospital.
Mag:ben...
Cd:Ben's fine, he's with Jin now. Nate help me.

.....Inside the room in which Ben was supposed to be in....

Jin:ben ! BEN...BEN! BEEEENNNN ! OMG....

Jin to herself:*Where is he*

She sees an open window.

Jin:omg..hope i'm not too late....


ok..is anybody reading this?

im reading it

lol

Originally posted by Wisupastar
im reading it

lol
ditto

more please!

:eek2: :eek2: :eek2: AHHH! Mimi! MORE! NOW! PLEASE! :eek2: :eek2: :eek2:

omg..people are reading this! yay! i need to ask u all sumthin. should i continue? cuz i was gonna end it in one reply but i could keep going or whatever. :confused:

I think that u should CONTINUE!!!!!!!

...ok so here's more...

Jinny climbs out of the open window and starts searching for Ben.

Jin is shouting ben's name at the top of her lungs.

Jin: BEN!! WHERE ARE YOU??!?!?!?!

Jinny is frantically searching through the woods for ben.

Jinny thinking:Oh god, oh god oh god oh god oh god.

20 minutes later she gives up. She doesn't want to but she does. The only places she hasn't searched are the places where ben is not likely to be.

She reaches the cabin where she found Magda. And there in front of her is someone she has never been happier to see than right now.

Jin:BEEEENNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs up to him and hugs him*
Jin:BEN! where did u go? i was looking for you. are u ok? are u hurt? what?!
Ben:I got scared so I ran away, then I had to pee. WHere's mommy?
Jin:uhhh...over there! *sees Magda and points to her* *Ben sees her and starts running up to her*

mag:BEN!!! Oh my baby. You ok papi?
Ben:yeah, i'm fine. Mom who was that guy?!
Mag:uhh....


more later. :D

:eek: :eek2: WOWSERS! more more more

How do you tell your kid that the bad guy is his daddy? That would be hard! I'm another new reader, which means to post more soon!

Originally posted by NancyMcKeon1987
How do you tell your kid that the bad guy is his daddy? That would be hard! I'm another new reader, which means to post more soon!

OOO..COLLIE-O. I WILL ADD MORE TOMORROW OR FRIDAY. RESERVE THE DATE. :D

You were supposed to add more ages ago!! Please post more, if you have any more.

Originally posted by NancyMcKeon1987
You were supposed to add more ages ago!! Please post more, if you have any more.

LOL....HMM....OK...HERE'S MORE...I KEPT PUTTING IT OFF, BUT..I GUESS IT'S TIME!! LOL....I DO! NO, WAIT, WRONG THING. OK, HERE'S MORE AND I'M GONNA SHUT UP!


Magda:Well, umm, *clears throat*

Jinny just looks at her strangely. She had never seen this side of Magda before. She wasn't used to this side of her-the not knowing what to do, not prepared part. Magda had always been cool and knew exactly what to do, what she wanted, and everything else. This was strange for Jinny. While Jinny was thinking about this, Magda was contemplating how to tell Ben that was his father.

Ben:Mommy?
Magda:*comes back to reality* *clears throat once more* umm, well, it's like, ummm....

Suddenly Nate and CD appear out of nowhere. Magda let out a sigh of relief. She knew she had to tell Ben, but she wasn't prepared, not now, not after all that had happened today.

Nate:So, Magda what, why did u come here?
Magda: *clears her throat, this time she was not avoiding the question*
Jinny gives her a "knock it off Magda before I do something I'm gonna regret when I'm in jail" looks.
Magda notices Jinny look and stops clearing her throat.

Magda:Vacation.
CD:Vacation?
Jinny:Yeah, you know, that thing ppl do to get away, and they relax and go places and stuff.
CD:Haha.
Magda:Yeah.
Jinny:So, he was the guy that-
Magda nods.
Ben starts pulling Magda's shirt, giving him the indication that he could not wait any longer.


All of a sudden they heard a shot, a gun shot. And everyone recognized the voice behind the scream of anguish.

Magda:Oh...my god. *runs over to where the shot came from*

...u'll just have to wait for more...while I come up with some more ideas! :D hope u liked this!

Originally posted by InspectorExstead


Jinny gives her a "knock it off Magda before I do something I'm gonna regret when I'm in jail" looks.
Magda notices Jinny look and stops clearing her throat.


You are getting one of those looks right now!! Please post more!! Soon, not in 3-4 weeks! lol

Originally posted by NancyMcKeon1987


You are getting one of those looks right now!! Please post more!! Soon, not in 3-4 weeks! lol

no..seriosuly! here's more...lol..i haevn't written the next day to this in a looong while!

...Magda is running to where the shot came from....Now, this was very hard, because...

#1...she was badly bruised.
#2...she was running in snow.
#3....she barely had anything warm on.


...so Magda is running....

She runs over to the person she least expected to be there.

There he was...lying in the snow...in his own pile of blood.

Mag didn't know if he was alive, or dead, unconscious, or not.

All she knew was that she had never felt like she was feeling right now. Even when she found out she was pregnant. Nothing even came close to her feelings.....

Mag could not move. She just stood there...looking at the man she loved.

Mag: *Screams* GABEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

She rushes over to be by his side...


more later! :D

* screams* MOOOOOOOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please post more!!! Who shot Gabe??? lol

Originally posted by NancyMcKeon1987
Please post more!!! Who shot Gabe??? lol

beats me...lol....


i dunno what i'm doing..but here's more...


....Magda is running over to Gabe.....

The Paramedics come to take Gabe.
They put him on a stretcher.

Magda: Can I go with him?
Lady:I'm sorry...family only.
Magda:SFPD. And...he's my fiance.
Lady:*Nods* mm-hmm.
Magda:BEN!!!! LET'S GO! *Ben didn't hear her and after 3 tries he finally did*

It was gonna take him 3 mins to get there, considering the fact that it was snowing harder now and he was a kid.

Lady:I'm sorry Ma'am.
Mag:What?! NO! U have to wait...please?
Lady:LISTEN...he needs to get to a hospital now...otherwise...
Mag: *nods*

The ladys gets in the back with Gabe and closes the door.

Magda just stands there looking. She doesn't even notice Ben when he comes.

Ben:MOMMY? Mommy? Mommy? mommy? MOM!!!

Magda:*startled* Ay dios mio, ben. *puts hand over her heart*

Ben:Mommy what happened?
Mag:Papi..it's a long story. Listen..daddy..he's hurt.
Ben:Will he be ok? *looks very sad*
Mag:Well....umm...I dunno...but...but the doctors, they're making sure he gets well..and they're helping...helping him. *by now Magda couldn't hold back the tears any longer, so she started crying*

Magda hated crying in front of ben because she knew it would make him sad. But she couldn't help it this time. Her whole world had turned upside down.

Ben:Oh, mommy, don't cry. *hugs Magda*

.....Jinny, CD, and Nate arrive....

Jin:What the he...*notices Ben's there* heck happened?
Mag:Gabe was shot.
Nate:What?!?
CD:OMG...by who?
Magda:*shakes her head* umm..I, I dunno. Oh look...ben, stay here...I have to go tal to the captain.

Magda walks over to the Captain.

Cap:I'm sorry.
Mag:He..he was shot.
Cap:God, I'm soo sorry.
Mag:I uh, I guess I should go over to the hospital. *laughs* god..
Cap:I'm so sorry. *looks very distant*
Mag:Cap, are u ok? *puts her hand on her shoulder*
Cap:Well....
Mag:Cap, what happened?
Cap:*lets out a deep breath* well....


more later!

The Cap did it! lol not really!!! but she's got something that she wants to tell Mag! Please post more

well...this is a toughie...it could go either way..hmm..did cap shoot him or not, that is the question!

Magda:*stands there looking, shaking her head, as a signal to continue*
Cap:He got away.
Mag:Umm...by "him" you mean...
Cap:The guy that was with you....
Mag:No...
Cap:I'm sorry...
Mag:Oh god...This isn't happening *puts head into her hands and falls to the ground, not feeling the coldness, starts crying* what did i do to deserve this.
Cap:*sighs* nothing magda.

Jinny:*yells*MAGDA! WE GONNA GO OR WHAT?
Mag:*yells back* YEAH!

Cap:Listen-all our cops are searching for him
Mag:Good.
Cap:I'm sorry.
Mag:Don't be.

*magda leaves and gets into Jinny's car with Jinny, CD, Nate, and Ben*

The ride to the hospital was quite...even Ben didn't say anything.


They get to the hospital.

Desk LadY:Umm....Hello! Can I help you?
Mag:Ga-*just then she sees Gabe in a room, she starts to walk towards, making Jinny, Nate, and CD question her*
DeskLady:You can't go in there!
Mag:Oh yeah...try and stop me!
DeskLady:*scoffs*

...Magda enters the room with Ben behind her....

Mag:oh....

All of a sudden his heart monitor starts beeping loudly.

Nurse:DOCTOR!!!!!!!!!!

more later!

Please post more! I love this story. I think that the cap did it!

here's more...

Doctor enters the room...

Doctor: PB?
Nurse: 90/100.
Doctor: What happened? He was stable?
Nurse: I dunno *notices Ben and Magda there*
Nurse:I'm sorry ma'am, you'll have to step outside.

Magda tried to protest but it was no use. She gave up and left.

The last words she heard were the doctor saying: Charge to 200.

Ben:Mommy, is daddy gonna be ok?
Mag:Huh? oh, yeah sweetheart, he's gonna be just fine.

But Magda knew that he wasn't going to be fine. She doubted he would make it through the night but she couldn't tell Ben.

Jinny:hey.
Nate and CD:Hey.
Mag:hi.
CD:So uh...what's going on?
Mag:I dunno. umm...*gets out money* here Papi, go get a soda and something to eat from the machine.
Ben:I don't wanna.
Mag:ben.
Ben:Moooom, i'm not hungry.
Mag:Please.
Ben:ookay.

Magda looks at him go over to the vending machine.

Just then the captain comes.

Cap:*nods to CD, Nate, and Jinny then eyes Magda in the eye* You ok?

Mag: *looks around* fine as i'll ever be under these circumstances.
Cap:I understand.
mag: do you?
Cap:yeah.

Just then the doctor came out of the room.

Ben rushed over to his mom's side.

mag:Well doctor?
Doctor: *searching for words* Ms. Ramirez.....I.......


more later!

Oh no, you cannot even do this to me! God, everytime something good is about to happen! lol please post more sooner than you have been!