View Full Version : Movie Stars That Made Crappy Children's Movies


Brian Damage
01-22-2010, 11:59 PM
Arnold Schwarzenegger --- Jingle All the Way (1996)
He'd already tracked down Sarah Connor, the Predator and the truth about the Mars colony, so it seemed only natural that someone should make a movie in which action-man Arnie's entire challenge amounted to buying a Turbo Man toy as a Christmas present for his son (future Anakin Skywalker moppet Jake Lloyd). His competitor for the little piece of moulded plastic? Comedian Sinbad. Released in the yuletide season, it managed to make box-office cash registers jingle just enough for it to break even but critics and audiences who went along responded to it like a lump of coal in a stocking.

Brian Damage
01-23-2010, 12:00 AM
Christopher Walken --- The Country Bears (2002)
When we think of the big-haired crazy man with the oddball vocal cadences, we flash to him haunted in The Deer Hunter and The Dead Zone or busting caps in True Romance and The King of New York. But while Walken has shown his softer side in numerous kids movies, his aura of menace comes with him. His Puss In Boots is ace for its displays of his dancing ability but the same can't be said for his other forays into critter cinema. At least Kangaroo Jack saw him playing a typical gangster role bit, but in The Country Bears he was called on to do the same schtick -- just opposite three actors in ursine outfits. You get the idea he did it solely for the below armpit music scene, which is high-grade Walken weirdness.

Brian Damage
01-23-2010, 12:01 AM
Alec Baldwin --- Thomas and the Magic Railroad (2000)
Baldwin's a big guy who projects a brusque no-nonsense confidence, whether it's as an NBC chieftain on 30 Rock or in his formative screen tough guys in The Getaway and Glengarry Glen Ross. All of which makes it funnier to see him appear as a 12-inch tall fairy amid the talking trains of this terrible movie version of the popular tyke TV show. He's Mr. Conductor, who works the Magic Railroad between the human world of Shining Time and the talking-train universe of Sodor, and he has lost his gold dust -- meaning he can no longer sparkle between the two places! Try not to think of his "Always be closing" speech when he's driving Thomas, blowing a whistle and saying "Sparkle! Sparkle! Sparkle!"

Brian Damage
01-23-2010, 12:02 AM
Robert De Niro --- The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle (2000)
Good sense of humor or dud career move? That's what we all asked ourselves when Robert De Niro joined this big-budget but small-brained adaptation of the TV cult cartoon. That he actually parodied his "Are you talkin' to me?" scene from Taxi Driver in this flop might just have been the line in his career where De Niro crossed over from awesome actor to self-parody specialist. Certainly his biggest hits since have traded on him mocking his tough-guy image, while actual meaty dramatic roles have been few and far between.

Brian Damage
01-23-2010, 12:02 AM
Vin Diesel --- The Pacifier (2005)
After a slam-bang series of action movies, including Pitch Black, The Fast and the Furious and xXx, Vin Diesel took his homage to Arnold Schwarzenegger just that little bit too far with The Pacifier, a kiddie comedy that might've been called Kindergarten Slop. Thanks to plot developments approximately as believable as a boxing kangaroo or a karate-kicking dog, Diesel is here a Navy SEAL who has to impose his brand of military discipline on a household of unruly kids, who range in age from a diaper-filling baby to a fully developed babe played by Brittany Snow, then 19. While some of Arnie's blunt one-liners are among the most quoted lines in movie history, Diesel's rumbling delivery of zingers in The Pacifier is as funny as gravel in your Cap'n Crunch. At least Vin learned from the mistake and hasn't done another kids movie

Brian Damage
01-23-2010, 12:04 AM
Burt Reynolds --- Cop and a Half (1993)
You can hear the pitch meeting: "It's Home Alone... meets Beverly Hills Cop!" Burt Reynolds, once the world's most bankable star, is directed by Henry Winkler, once the world's coolest man, in this blundering kiddie comedy that pairs a tough-nut cop with a precocious little eight-year-old cop. Lines like "I'm your worst nightmare -- an eight-year-old with a badge!" will make you cringe, but what's really odd is how violent this film is. Reynolds Nick McKenna threatens all sorts of violence to crims, and to the kid himself, which is surely inappropriate for the "1/2" audience for who this was meant.

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1202110-tooth_fairy/news/1865821/2/the_10_most_unlikely_kids_movie_stars

comedyfreak
01-23-2010, 09:59 AM
I liked Jingle All The Way..I liked Sinbad, he was funny.

catlover79
01-23-2010, 10:36 AM
I liked Jingle All The Way..I liked Sinbad, he was funny.
That's one of my aunt's all-time fave movies...even though her kids, my cousins, always make fun of her. :lol:

catlover79
01-23-2010, 10:37 AM
Christopher Walken --- The Country Bears (2002)
When we think of the big-haired crazy man with the oddball vocal cadences, we flash to him haunted in The Deer Hunter and The Dead Zone or busting caps in True Romance and The King of New York. But while Walken has shown his softer side in numerous kids movies, his aura of menace comes with him. His Puss In Boots is ace for its displays of his dancing ability but the same can't be said for his other forays into critter cinema. At least Kangaroo Jack saw him playing a typical gangster role bit, but in The Country Bears he was called on to do the same schtick -- just opposite three actors in ursine outfits. You get the idea he did it solely for the below armpit music scene, which is high-grade Walken weirdness.
I saw this movie back in the day. :rofl:

Cactus Jack
01-23-2010, 12:55 PM
Hello...every non Shrek Eddie Murphy movie last decade?

catlover79
01-23-2010, 06:10 PM
Hello...every non Shrek Eddie Murphy movie last decade?
VERY good point!!! :nod:

Marvo301
01-23-2010, 06:16 PM
Hello...every non Shrek Eddie Murphy movie last decade?
I don't think all of Eddie's movies are actually children's movies. Just childish! :lol:

waichingliu81
01-23-2010, 09:15 PM
you can add jackie chan in the remake of the karate kid on that list too.

Cactus Jack
01-23-2010, 11:08 PM
VERY good point!!! :nod:
Thanks! LOL

I mean I LOVE his 80s movies but yeah

Pitooey
01-23-2010, 11:24 PM
Arnold Schwarzenegger --- Jingle All the Way (1996)
He'd already tracked down Sarah Connor, the Predator and the truth about the Mars colony, so it seemed only natural that someone should make a movie in which action-man Arnie's entire challenge amounted to buying a Turbo Man toy as a Christmas present for his son (future Anakin Skywalker moppet Jake Lloyd). His competitor for the little piece of moulded plastic? Comedian Sinbad. Released in the yuletide season, it managed to make box-office cash registers jingle just enough for it to break even but critics and audiences who went along responded to it like a lump of coal in a stocking.

I'm a jingle all the way lover. :thumbsup:

Schmoopie
01-24-2010, 03:40 AM
That new movie called "Tooth Fairy" with Dwayne Johnson got crappy reviews in the Seattle Times. It actually looked kind of cute from the commercials, but I'll wait for the DVD.

catlover79
01-24-2010, 03:28 PM
That new movie called "Tooth Fairy" with Dwayne Johnson got crappy reviews in the Seattle Times. It actually looked kind of cute from the commercials, but I'll wait for the DVD.
Yeah, it got crappy reviews here in Cleveland, too. It looks creepy to me, but hey, to each his own. :eek: :lol:

Tubehead
01-25-2010, 12:06 AM
rececnt moive iwatch was awful was moive called shorts. it was just stupid. another onei s cat in the hat. i didn'tlike it. i didn't like shcool of rock with jack black and i don't like baby geunies. that was dumb moive. idon't like the spy kids aren't that good.

Schmoopie
01-25-2010, 08:42 AM
rececnt moive iwatch was awful was moive called shorts. it was just stupid. another onei s cat in the hat. i didn'tlike it. i didn't like shcool of rock with jack black and i don't like baby geunies. that was dumb moive. idon't like the spy kids aren't that good.

I tried watching Cat in the Hat. I taped it off of regular TV and then turned it off after about 5 minutes. Dr Seuss would be horrified if he saw that. Such an insult to a wonderful story. The cartoon version is much better.

TMC
05-31-2015, 02:02 AM
Robert De Niro --- The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle (2000)
Good sense of humor or dud career move? That's what we all asked ourselves when Robert De Niro joined this big-budget but small-brained adaptation of the TV cult cartoon. That he actually parodied his "Are you talkin' to me?" scene from Taxi Driver in this flop might just have been the line in his career where De Niro crossed over from awesome actor to self-parody specialist. Certainly his biggest hits since have traded on him mocking his tough-guy image, while actual meaty dramatic roles have been few and far between.

Monster Crap Inductee: The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle (2000) (http://www.monster-crap.blogspot.com/2015/05/monster-crap-inductee-adventures-of.html)

Dude111
01-04-2024, 12:33 PM
Burt Reynolds --- Cop and a Half (1993)Of all the movies I see listed in this thread,this is the best one (And not very at that :D)

Hawkee
02-21-2024, 02:18 AM
The worst children's movie I have to say that had a big movie star would have to be Elmo In Grouchland and when you put Vanessa Williams in that movie I think she looked kind of odd in it and I can't figure out why this Sesame Street movie was even made? But I guess they wanted another Sesame Street movie success since the first one Follow That Bird debuted in 1985 with Big Bird and Chevy Chase. But you can see why Elmo In Grouchland failed and why there ain't no more Sesame Street movies being made at this time

Dude111
02-21-2024, 02:12 PM
Oh my,anything with Elmo :D