Frank Gannucci
04-17-2009, 10:42 PM
(The Carolina Hurricanes beat the NJ Devils 2-1.)
(Ralph & Ed just watched the game at the Raccoon Lodge.)
Ralph: “Oh boy! The Devils blew a one game lead. The Devils better shape up. Aw well, they have time.”
Ed: “Take a look at that anti-New Jersey Devils fan. Joe Fenstablau.”
Joe: “Now, I have to listen to you guys gloat.”
Ralph: “Yup, and we will be gloating until one of our teams wins it all. The Stanley Cup. When they do, they will drink and drink and drink and get wasted.”
Ed: “Or maybe they will get drunk.”
Ralph: “That IS wasted you dope.”
Joe: “Well, I have a feeling that both of your teams will fall.”
Ralph: “To who? Ha ha ha ha.”
Ed: “How about...the Philadelphia Flyers. This is Philly's year. They won the World Series.”
Ralph: “Don't remind me. I am still trying to get over the shock of the Yankees not even being IN the playoffs last year.”
Joe: “I think Philly will win it and I will make a bet with you. If Philly wins, you will give you $20. If one of your teams wins, I will give you $20.”
Ralph: “Deal and you will lose you know why? Our teams have it all.”
(Ralph & Ed sing a made-up song called: “Have It All.”)
(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)
Jackie: “Thank you. How sweet it is. GOOD NIGHT!”
(Audience cheers.)
"Stars Over Flatbush":
Ed: "I was born under the sign of Pisces The Fish."
Ralph: "You were born under the sign of Pistachio The Nut."
"Stars Over Flatbush":
Freddie: "The party will be going from 8 to 12pm."
Ed: "That includes 11:30pm, doesn't it?"
"A Man's Pride":
Ralph: "I am going to learn from here on in how to swallow my pride."
Ed: "That shouldn't be too hard. You learned how to swallow everything else."
"A Matter of Record":
Ralph: "I can't use two seats."
Ed: "That is a matter of opinion."
"Young At Heart":
Ralph: "This isn't a crazy costume. This is what all of us cats wear. I got it! I got it! I am hip! Ready to go. I'm gone. Gone!"
Alice: "You are gone all right."
"Case Of The Cuckoo Thief":
Alice: "I was thinking about buying the alarm clock for someone."
Ralph: "For who?"
Alice: "For, um…my brother."
Ralph: "If there is one thing that your family doesn't need, it's another cuckoo."
"Case Of The Cuckoo Thief":
Ed (starting to cry): "What are you going to do to me?"
Bruce: "I would like to rip the cuffs off your pants. I'm going to have you incarcerated."
Ed: "Good, as long as I'm not going to jail."
"To Whomever It May Concern":
Ed: "I put SWAK on the back of your letter."
Ralph: "You wrote Sealed with a Kiss?"
Ed: "No. Sewer Workers Are Kings."
"A Weighty Problem Part 1":
Ralph (knocking on door): "Got any mashed potatoes out there?"
(Door opens.)
Ralph: "I said do you have any mashed potatoes out there?"
Cook: "We don't even have anything else to throw away."
(Ralph & Ed just watched the game at the Raccoon Lodge.)
Ralph: “Oh boy! The Devils blew a one game lead. The Devils better shape up. Aw well, they have time.”
Ed: “Take a look at that anti-New Jersey Devils fan. Joe Fenstablau.”
Joe: “Now, I have to listen to you guys gloat.”
Ralph: “Yup, and we will be gloating until one of our teams wins it all. The Stanley Cup. When they do, they will drink and drink and drink and get wasted.”
Ed: “Or maybe they will get drunk.”
Ralph: “That IS wasted you dope.”
Joe: “Well, I have a feeling that both of your teams will fall.”
Ralph: “To who? Ha ha ha ha.”
Ed: “How about...the Philadelphia Flyers. This is Philly's year. They won the World Series.”
Ralph: “Don't remind me. I am still trying to get over the shock of the Yankees not even being IN the playoffs last year.”
Joe: “I think Philly will win it and I will make a bet with you. If Philly wins, you will give you $20. If one of your teams wins, I will give you $20.”
Ralph: “Deal and you will lose you know why? Our teams have it all.”
(Ralph & Ed sing a made-up song called: “Have It All.”)
(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)
Jackie: “Thank you. How sweet it is. GOOD NIGHT!”
(Audience cheers.)
"Stars Over Flatbush":
Ed: "I was born under the sign of Pisces The Fish."
Ralph: "You were born under the sign of Pistachio The Nut."
"Stars Over Flatbush":
Freddie: "The party will be going from 8 to 12pm."
Ed: "That includes 11:30pm, doesn't it?"
"A Man's Pride":
Ralph: "I am going to learn from here on in how to swallow my pride."
Ed: "That shouldn't be too hard. You learned how to swallow everything else."
"A Matter of Record":
Ralph: "I can't use two seats."
Ed: "That is a matter of opinion."
"Young At Heart":
Ralph: "This isn't a crazy costume. This is what all of us cats wear. I got it! I got it! I am hip! Ready to go. I'm gone. Gone!"
Alice: "You are gone all right."
"Case Of The Cuckoo Thief":
Alice: "I was thinking about buying the alarm clock for someone."
Ralph: "For who?"
Alice: "For, um…my brother."
Ralph: "If there is one thing that your family doesn't need, it's another cuckoo."
"Case Of The Cuckoo Thief":
Ed (starting to cry): "What are you going to do to me?"
Bruce: "I would like to rip the cuffs off your pants. I'm going to have you incarcerated."
Ed: "Good, as long as I'm not going to jail."
"To Whomever It May Concern":
Ed: "I put SWAK on the back of your letter."
Ralph: "You wrote Sealed with a Kiss?"
Ed: "No. Sewer Workers Are Kings."
"A Weighty Problem Part 1":
Ralph (knocking on door): "Got any mashed potatoes out there?"
(Door opens.)
Ralph: "I said do you have any mashed potatoes out there?"
Cook: "We don't even have anything else to throw away."