This thread will be used for anytime we like or laughed or just want to say something from Bewitched. You have to post who said it though, don't just throw a random line and expect everyone to know it. My quotes may not be word for word, but that's okay......as long we all get the general drift :)


Darrin: "From now on, we will have nothing but leftovers. In fact, I prefer them!"

Samantha: "Oh........alright...from now on...we'll have leftovers. If I can just figure out what they will be leftover from!" :lol:


Serena: "Moonthatch Inn, where perfection reigns and the sun a never sets!"

Samantha: "Meaning what?"

Serena: "Meaning the next time you need a stand-in, do me a favor and call a theatrical agent!"

Darrin: "We just want to live normal, peaceful everyday lives"
Endora: "Young man, what is normal to you is to us asenine"

Gladys: It's about the Civil War. The North won!! (re: Abner's book)

Louise: Dont you think its undignified for a man your age to have a lifetime subscribtion to a magazine like that?

Larry: It has interesting articles

Louise: Sure and the all fold out

Larry: I mean it has intellectual content

Louise: You mean the girls wear glasses?

Darrin: I'm sorry, Sam. I've become accustomed to my face.

Sam to Darrin: All right! Go back to your friendly bartender with your mouth full of olives!!

Larry: You son of a gun.

Endora: Oh, Durwood, you're such a...mortal!! :lol:

Darrin: I want my old face back!!!!!, I want my old face back!!!!

Darrin: SAMANTHA!!!!! or SAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!

Darrin: There is nothing worse than a flying lie! Lying fly!

Endora: Young man, be grateful that you are not this minute, an artichoke!


Darrin: What shall we serve our guests?
Samantha: How bout veal birds?
Darrin: What's veal birds?
Samanatha: Fake chicken legs on a stick, made of ground veal
Darrin: Sounds tasty.
Samantha: AND CHEAP!

Tabitha: Mommy, sick?
Darrin: No, Daddy is.

Darrin: Anyway, I've already been granted my biggest wish.
Samantha: What's that?
Darrin: You.

Serena: Well, well, if it isn't tall, dark and mortal!

Samantha: Mother, why don't you do like the wind and blow?
Endora: SAMANTHA!!!
Samantha: Ooops!

Darrin: You were friendlier on our first date.
Endora (in background): SAMANTHA!!!
Samantha: (agahst): I WAS NOT!!

I remember there was an episode which Uncle Arthur had a dog. Someone asked (I think it was Sam):

"Is he trained?"
Uncle Arthur - "Only to kill."

Samantha "Oh my stars"

Endora: "Oh Samantha! REALLY!"

Abner: Gladys I'm retired

Abner: What do you want me to do, applaud?

Bobby Hart(to Serena): Cuttest little song plugger east of Motown.

Darrin (when Liza the girl reporter comes in wearing a slinky dress and French heels): I'll be with you as soon as I finish my legs - eggs.

Gladys: STOVE ON! STOVE ON!! STOOOOOVE ONNNNNNNN!!!

Darrin: When did you swoop in? We have doorbells, you know!!

Samantha:" A Suzee Bruzee Doll? Oh Santa, I know of a little girl who would just love to have it."
Santa (sarcastic): "ohhhhh really??" :lol:

Darrin: I DEMAND your pickle!! :rofl:

Louise: Give him both barrels, honey, you'll feel better!!

Abner(to Gladys): I dont get it, he's got her, why would he want to kiss you?

Samantha: Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows. It doesn't make any bedfellows at all!!

Darrin: "Popcorn? For breakfast??.......hmmm, why not?"

(typed while eating popcorn :lol:)

Endora: Why won't that girl ever listen to her Mother?

Darrin (to Endorra): buzz off

Work Side Darrin (to Fun Side Darrin): "What are you doing here with my wife???" :lol:

Endora: "I'm off to the bullfights in Mexico. Adios, muchacha"
Samantha (droll): "Ole'"

I kept cracking up every time Gladys mentioned Kapoopsie (instead of Poughkeepsie) Woolens. Remember, she and Abner gave Tabitha a share of their stock in the company when she was born. Then Abner kept having to correct her. :lol:

Darrin sees Serena for the first time, but having never met her, he thinks it's his newborn daughter -- all grown up thanks to Endora.

Darrin: "I'm your Daa-Daa!" [priceless reaction by Serena]

^ "Are you a mental patient?" - Serena

(same episode)

Samantha: (sadly) "He called me a liar, Mother!"
Endora: "So I heard, I think I will turn him into a toad"
Samantha: "No, please don't"
Endora: "You're right, he will suffer more as being the miserable mortal he is"

(both disappear in a glorious fade out)

"You inspired it, I found it, and that's the way it ought to be! I love you, Sam!!" - Darrin (same episode as above, #5)

Isn't that such a wonderful episode??? :)

Uncle Arthur: "Endora, when I think of you as a blood relative, I long for a transfusion!"

(and repeated verbatim by Cousin Henry!, supposedly Arthur's son....uh, yea.)

:lol:

SAMANTHA: It seems ridiculous that a can of soup would ever come between us
DARRIN: And nothing ever will again.

Samantha: "It was totally from my imagination. I do have some, you know"

Samantha: (sarcastic) "All of us witches are just ready to swoop down on Morning glory Circle and claim it in the name of Beezlebub!"

"And he carried a big sword, just like Richard Burton!" - The Drunk (Dick Wilson)

Darrin "We've decided to name him Adam"
Maurice "Adam? That's a fine name. My great grandfather was named Adam"
Darrin "Your great grandfather was Adam??"
Mauice "Not THAT Adam!"

:lol:

"Now, I know all about marriage. That's why I'm a bachelor." - Darrin's bar buddy, Dave. :rofl:

Why did Dave fade away? :lol:

Phyllis Stephens "Frank, I have a sick headache"

(just about any episode she was in :lol: )

Why did Dave fade away? :lol:

Phyllis Stephens "Frank, I have a sick headache"

(just about any episode she was in :lol: )
I loved Dave - he rocked. :lol: The actor who played him, Gene Blakely, went on to play a doctor in Bob's medical building on the Bob Newhart Show. I think he was in two episodes.

Here's a gem from the very first episode - Darrin to the bartender:

Darrin: Al, my wife is a witch.
Bartender: Cheer up - you should see MY wife.

:rofl:

Darrin: "I know that I'm the first guy who can say without malice that his mother-in-law is a witch!" :D

McMann And Tate Client: "Hey I bet you'll never guess what I make?"
Endora : "Enemies?"

Samantha :"Ah Mrs Stephens would you mind getting us some more cookies?"
Mrs Stephens: "Oh why of course.....ah whhhat happened to the cookies that were....?'
Samantha :Good Cookies Go fast!"

Samantha: "Say where did you get that hat?
Snobby wife of a client "Oh do you like it?"
Samantha "Nooooope I just wanna know so that I can stay out of that store!"

Gladys: Tabitha Stephens just made a newspaper fly like it had wings. Do you know what that proves?

Abner: Mm-hmm. News travels fast.

Abner Kravitz had some of the best one-liners in sitcom history. He always had me in stitches!! :rofl:

Serena: That rips it!

Samantha: Then I thought of the most brilliant scientific mind of the age.
Dr. Bombay: Thank you.
Samantha: But he died a year ago, so I decided to call you.

Mrs Stephens "And I'll show you how to treat Darrin's hives"
Sam "oh we've cured that!"
Mrs Stephens "You cured it?"
Sam "We discovered he only gets them when he eats Chicken Cacciatore"

:lol:

Endora: "Eye of newt, scales of fish, give this mortal his stupid wish!!"

:rofl:

Abner: Gladys, let's play house. You be the door and I'll shut you.

Sam: "Oh Mother, there's Darrin. This would be a good time for you two to meet."
Endora : "Here? With me in my comfy slippers?"

:)

Endora (atop plane with glass of champagne in hand): It's the only way to fly!

(I guess that was the slogan of some popular airline - don't know which one - at the time.)

Samantha's "Well" catchphrase.

Louise: How can you be so sure?

Samantha: I'm a witch.

Louise: Honey, you said it. I didn't!

Episode "Cheap Cheap".

Endora: "A Penny for your thoughts, and I know you could use the cash!"

Endora: "He's a cheapskate"
Samantha"Well he's just....careful"
Endora: Yes he's a careful cheapskate"

Episode "Samantha's Secret Saucer"

Aunt Clara: "Now run along children and enjoy yourselves and everything is O AK !".

One of my favorites - in the pilot episode, in the honeymoon suite, Darrin first encounters Sam in her beautiful nightgown. She's about to break the news to him that she's a witch. He comes to her, puts his arms around her and she pushes back.

Samantha: Sweetheart, let's sit down and talk.
Darrin: WHAT???

:rofl:

Darrin (to Samantha): "You can't say 'hello' to an Irishman in a minute."

Mrs. Stephens: Oh how terrrribly nice to see you, do you live here now?
Endora: "Live here?"
Samantha: "Whatever gave you that idea?"
Mrs Stephens: "Well everytime we visit she's here, and well here she is again"

Darrin: (asking about Endora) Well, what sort of eyes does she have?
Samantha: They’re blue. All five of them.

Endora: "And just what type of mother-in-law does Daubin expect?" "Old world?" "New World?" "Pioneer Stock?"
Samantha: "He would prefer you just as you are".
Endora (to herself): "I wonder....."

Samantha: If Mother wanted to ruin the party, it would be raining in the living room.

Abner" "Take your medicine Gladys"

Endora to gentleman sitting on plane: "Sir, I believe you are sitting in my seat."
Gentleman: "There seems to be some mistake."
Endora: "There has...and you just made it."

Endora zaps him off the plane.

Thor Swenson: [looking for Pleasure O'Reilly] I've only got one question for you. Do you have Pleasure in this house?
Abner Kravitz: Well, not too often, but occasionally.

:rofl:

Larry Tate - "Samantha, that was a brave attempt to take Darrin off the hook. It has no logic, but it was a brave attempt.

Maurice - "Uncle Arthur! That's it! Uncle Arthur is using Darrin for one of his practical jokes."
Endora -"Well, why would he do that? Durwood is already a practical joke."

Samantha (to Darrin) - You are one step away from making Custer's last stand look like a Love-In!

Samantha: Calling Dr Bombay, calling Dr Bombay. Emergency, come right away!

Samantha: "Uncle Arthur, you promised you wouldn't."
Arthur: "I know, I lied. Okay so I'll taper off."

Samantha - "What are you doing?"

Gladys - "I came over for a snoop, uh... a scoop of sugar. I hope I'm not
disturbing you."

Samantha - "I'm not a bad witch! I'm a good witch!"
Darrin - "Her mother's a bad witch."

Samantha: Now when it comes to Santa Claus, most mortals don't believe he exists... just like they don't believe in witches.

Uncle Arthur: "I asked for a cottontail bunny, not a cocktail bunny."

How many channels does Uncle Arthur pick up on that jacket? ;)

Maurice: Uncle Arthur! That's it! Uncle Arthur is using Darrin for one of his practical jokes.

Endora: Well, why would he do a thing like that? Derwood is already a practical joke.

Endora: Samantha, I will not stand here and be insulted by something which is 94 percent water.
Darrin Stephens: Oh, yeah! Well, what about something which is a hundred percent hot air?

Endora quote:

Charlton, the bully: What kind of dumb name is Tabitha?
Tabitha: It's not a dumb name.
Charlton, the bully: How come I've never heard it before?
Tabitha: Because you never met anyone named Tabitha!

Endora: "Fortunately for you, I don't offend easily."
Darrin: "Let me try a little harder."

Samantha: "...(a) cousin who makes Lucretia Borgia look like Shirley Temple."

Uncle Arthur: [to Endora] "When I think of you as a blood relative, I long for a transfusion."

Samantha: Try to control your temper. Remember, "Peace on earth, goodwill to men" includes witches.

Samantha: [to her mother] You know, this has been the strangest morning. First Darrin starts asking ridiculous questions and then you pop in like Lady Macbeth doing the neglected mother bit.

Darrin: "Larry, would you mind screaming more quietly?"

Endora: "His real (something) is contributing to the delinquency of my daughter."

Darrin: "He goes through advertisers like women go through dresses."

Uncle Arthur: [to Endora] When I think of you as a blood relative, I long for a transfusion.

Darrin Stephens: But if that mother of yours ever pulls a stunt like that again, I'm gonna use a little magic of my own. Make a few of her teeth disappear.

Darrin Stephens: Hello, sweetheart, this is your husband, D.

Samantha Stephens: D for Dearest, or D for Darling?

Darrin Stephens: D for Dumb.

Gladys Kravitz: [talking about Samantha] I bet she has some strange disease, and we could catch it. Abner, you wanna wake up with something strange?

Abner Kravitz: I've been doing that for twenty years. Why change now?

I detest sounding like one of those mothers who thinks they know it all, but unfortunately, I do.

— Endora

Darrin: "Is Tabitha ready for school?"
Samantha: "Of course she's ready for school. The question is, is school ready for Tabitha?"

Darrin Stephens: You're a what?
Samantha: I'm a witch.
Darrin Stephens: That's wonderful. We'll talk about it tomorrow.
Samantha: Now. I am a witch. A real house-haunting, broom-riding, cauldron-stirring witch.

You bring him back or I'll make your life miserable for you. And you know I can do it. I'll move in with you.
— Endora

Darrin: Can you learn to skate the mortal way?
Samantha: Are you challenging me?
Darrin: Yes.
Samantha: I accept. And if I can't, I will be more careful in the future about accepting challenges.

Gladys Kravitz: Either we've been hypnotized or we're out of our minds.

Abner Kravitz: Don't talk plural. I'm hypnotized. You're out of your mind.

Esmeralda: (to Tabitha)"Not me, honey. I was a fool in school."

"A witch who's on the wagon is no match for an elf who's on the warpath." - Endora.

Darrin: "Esmerelda, even I'm proud of you."

(Last line of the series.)
Larry: "Oh! Oh. See you later at the office, Darrin."

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/29/f6/3a/29f63a62301601de853b0c80b34340b3.jpg

The Girl Reporter episode

Darrin & Liza:

Samantha: "To twitch or not, that is the question."

"A witch who's on the wagon is no match for an elf who's on the warpath." - Endora

(First line of the series.)
Samantha: "Mother! What are you doing here?"

“Samantha Stephens: All right, Mother. What's all this about?

Endora: How did you know I was behind this?

Samantha Stephens: I'm psychic.”

(Darrin and Sam are talking about firing the maid)

Sam: We'll give her two weeks' salary and a fond farewell.

Darrin: How about a week's salary snd two fond farewells?

“I know I'm a little vague at times, but on the other hand, when I forget something, I'm definite.”
— Aunt Clara, Bewitched, Season 3: Accidental Twins

Marvin:

“Flurpity flurp!” - Alonzo

Uncle Arthur:

“Darrin Stephens: Hello, sweetheart, this is your husband, D.

Samantha Stephens: D for Dearest, or D for Darling?

Darrin Stephens: D for Dumb.”

Samantha:

“Samantha Stephens: All right, Mother. What's all this about?

Endora: How did you know I was behind this?

Samantha Stephens: I'm psychic.”

(from season 3 "Three Wishes")

DARRIN: Bad news.

ENDORA: I resent you addressing me like that.

DARRIN: I wasn't addressing you. I just said "bad news."

ENDORA: You were looking at me.

DARRIN: If the shoe fits.

ENDORA: I'm warning you, shoes can kick.


https://i.postimg.cc/7Z7CPyr8/3-22-1.jpg

Endora:

from season 9 ep. 29 "Turn On The Old Charm"

Samantha: "Married life is never humdrum when you're stuck with such a dumb-dumb. Samantha Stephens number 86."

“Darrin Stephens: But if that mother of yours ever pulls a stunt like that again, I'm gonna use a little magic of my own. Make a few of her teeth disappear.

Samantha Stephens: And no jury will convict you.”

Season 4 episode "Cheap, Cheap"

DARRIN: You left the outside light on.

SAMANTHA: Of course, so you could see your way in from the garage. I always do.

DARRIN: Well, between the time you turned it on and I got home, you wasted an awful lot of electricity. It might be worth installing a switch so the light can be turned on from the garage.

SAMANTHA: Well, why be so extravagant? You drive your car into the garage and honk your horn say, three times. I'll allow a few seconds for you to get out of the car. And then I'll turn on the outside light.

DARRIN: You can joke if you want to. But electricity doesn't grow on trees, you know.

SAMANTHA: That's right. It grows on telephone poles.

Uncle Arthur : [to Darrin] "Look, I don't tell you about advertising, so don't tell me about witchcraft, please."

Season 2 - "The Joker is a Card"

DARRIN: Hi Mom!

ENDORA: How are you, Darrin?

DARRIN: Darren!?

ENDORA: Your name is unfamiliar to you?

DARRIN: No, but I thought it was unfamiliar to you.

Endora: I'll make an agreement with you. I'll try to remember your name if you promise to never call me "Mom."

Endora: "We're quicksilver, a fleeting shadow, a distant sound. Our home has no boundaries from which we cannot pass. We live in music, and a flash of color. We live on the wind, and the sparkle of a star."

Samantha: Try to control your temper. Remember, "Peace on earth, goodwill to men" includes witches.