This is like the TV show wrong answer games, only, you can ask a Q about anything...just remember, NEVER give the right answer! :D


Why do birds fly south for the winter?

To work on their tans



What do use to kill flys?

an UZI

Where do you find Hawaii on a map?

you flip it over and look in the center



Where is the USA president's office located?

in the basement at K-Mart

Where would you find the capital of Canada?

at the south pole



What famous person lives at the North Pole?

Tarzan

What animal adopted Tarzan as an infant?

Polar Bear



Where do carrots come from?

carrot trees in south Africa

Who lives at the Vatican?

Amy Winehouse. :lol:



Where's Waldo?

http://nymag.com/images/2/daily/entertainment/07/10/17_artcandy2_lg.jpg

Remember those?

getting a tattoo at the tattoo parlor (I remember Waldo too) lol!



Who went into a phone booth & came out as Superman?

Danny Devito

What happened to the Titanic on its maiden voyage?

It flew away into outer space.


Where do babies come from? :lol:

^^^ :lol: ^^^

Well, they came from Sears Robuck until 1985 when Speigle won the contract

What does Batman drive?

:lol:

http://www.denio.com/katblog/uploaded_images/smartcar-746500.jpg


How many girlfriends has Hugh Hefner had in his lifetime?

^^^ :rofl: ^^^

How many girlfriends has Hugh Hefner had in his lifetime?

only one....then he realised he prefered cabbages

What magazine did Hefner found?

Buttons - An in depth look into the collections of buttons from all over the world.

:brent

Ok this is too fun.


What is Bret Michaels known for?

^^^:lol:^^^
And the compagnion magazine "Shirts" ;)

What is Bret Michaels known for?
That was Britney Spears name, before the operation in Sweden

Why do you put salt on French Fries?

:brent




It's to help you lose weight.


Why does the price of gas go up and down?

hehe

Cause they place the pumps on pogo sticks

Who sets oil prices?

Michael Jackson


Why does it get dark at night?

To save money on the sun bills :D

Why is a rabbit's foot lucky?

Cause it was blessed by a Rabbi.



Why do Salmon swim up stream?

Thats where the cute girl salmon in the bikinis swim

What is a hockey puck used for?

To tenderize steak.


What is the purpose of a carwash?

hehe ^^

Its the best place to buy condoms

What is a keyboard used for?

You use it to wash your body in the shower. :lol:



What happens when it gets below 32 degrees?

You get sunburned



What do you use a cell phone for?

To remove corns from your feet. :lol:


Why did man want to go to the moon?

There was a shortage of green cheese, here on Earth

What did he ACTUALLY find on the Moon, once he got there?

marshmellow bunnies



What do you usually roast over an open fire?

Rush Limbaugh :lol:

If Batman rides the Batmobile, what does Superman ride?

:lol:

http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb197/k3mp/Stratfordcarspider.jpg

Where do apples come from?

looks more like Spidermans ride but...COOOOOL (You need to put that in Steve's VW thread!) :D

Where do apples come from?They are actually the eggs for the Mongolian blue Jay

How is the Pope elected?

By playing "Musical Chairs."


How many inches in a foot?

5, the same as the number of toenails

What popular soft drink is sold at A&W stores?

5, the same as the number of toenails

Pretty funny! :lol:

What popular soft drink is sold at A&W stores?

7 Up.

Who killed Roger Rabbit?

thx :)

Who killed Roger Rabbit?

Elmer Fudd....he got sick of chasing that other rabbit

What was Buddy Holly famous for wearing?

Petty Coats :lol:


What is your job?

Petty Coats :lol:

:lol:

What is your job?

Taxi driver.


Where is the Eiffel Tower?

http://www.vagabondish.com/wp-content/uploads/mini-eiffel-tower.jpg


looks more like Spidermans ride but...COOOOOL (You need to put that in Steve's VW thread!) :D

They are actually the eggs for the Mongolian blue Jay

How is the Pope elected?

Oops I just realized I goofed up on that one. :crazy:

you forgot to ask a Q ;)

Why was the Eiffel Tower built?

To launch a moon probe.


What is a leap year?

its a year that honours all ballerinas and broadjumpers

Why did Robin leave Batman, to become Nightwing?

its a year that honours all ballerinas and broadjumpers
:lol:

Why did Robin leave Batman, to become Nightwing?

Because the health benefits were better.



Why is the sky blue?

Why did Robin leave Batman, to become Nightwing?
Because the health benefits were better.

^^:lol:^^ and the costume is less embarrassing, to boot :lol:

Why is the sky blue?
God ran out of red crayons by that time, so, he went with blue

What do you like on a pizza?

pickles :lol:

http://www.snowvalley.ab.ca/UserFiles/Image/Logos/Funky%20Pickle%20Logo.jpg


Why does it hurt when you cut yourself?

Because Jupiter is aligned with Mars.


Why is there air?

Cause it tastes so good on crackers

What does Batman wear over his head?

A Fedora.

Why do people call 911?

To order their pizza's




How would you describe a pizza?

it looks something like a 57 Chevy and tastes like bubble gum

What was Ronald Reagan most famous for?

Appearning on a episode of Saturday Night Live.

When will the world end?

Yesterday.

How many hours are in a day?

2



How do you bake a cake?

you put the batter in the freezer for seven hours....then thaw it in a blast furnace for a month, and throw the whole mess down the sewer

Why is the Super Bowl so popular in the USA?

Cause it's the best place to eat cereal.


Why is Kim Kardashian's butt so big?

http://movies.popcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/kim-kardashian-big-red-butt.jpg

Thats where she keeps all her woodworking tools
(ps...Id "tap" that :lol: )

Who is the sexiest woman in the USA?

Phyllis Diller

Where have all the flowers gone?

on vacation to Rio


Where is the moon?

Where is the moon?
:mooner:




:lol:



Why do we have to pay taxes?:rolleyes:



.

on vacation to Rio
:lol:

Why do we have to pay taxes?:rolleyes:

Because the dish ran away with the spoon.


Why do birds fly?

Cause they can't afford train fare

What is the Stanley Cup?

The top prize for ballet.


What is an Almond Joy?

:lol: ^^

The "happy ending" to an almond oil massage

Why is Mount Fuji sacred to the Japanese?

http://www.students.stedwards.edu/tsegawa/home_files/fuji_web.jpg

That is where the first eggroll was made.



How is it possible that Mariah Carey can hit those high notes?

Great pic.....im using it on my MSN avatar now :D

How is it possible that Mariah Carey can hit those high notes?
she's actually lip synching to Ashley Simpson, who is a much better singer :lol:

Is Mariah an attractive woman?

:lol:

She is one of the ugliest (ouch that hurts to say). :lol:


What do people get lip injections?

To shrink their thighs.

Why are the stars out at night?

They are much to shy to come out during the day

What does Elvis have in common with Mariah Carey?

They are much to shy to come out during the day

:lol:

What does Elvis have in common with Mariah Carey?

They are both race car drivers.

Who is Bette Davis?

Confederate president Jefferson Davis' sister

What were the Confederate states?

Confederate president Jefferson Davis' sister

Wow! She's older than I thought. ;)

What were the Confederate states?

Alaska and Hawaii

Who are Malia and Sasha Obama?

Different kinds of cup holders.


Why do referees wear black and white stripes?
http://tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:VxnL3pU0amtimM:http://stljfl.org/images/Football_Referee.jpg

:lol:

Because paisley is out of season.


Why are oranges orange?

Because God ran out of the other colors.

Where does baby oil come from?

Mommy and Daddy oil. :crazy:

Why are there 7 days in a week?

Cause 7 is heaven.



When did they invent pickles?

When deli sandwiches got lonely.

What does M*A*S*H stand for?

Monsters Always Smell Horrible


:lol:


Why are kittens so cute?





.

Because they all have long bushy tails and a big white stripe painted down their back?


Why do porcupines have "quills"?

to play darts with, of course. :wave:

why do we sweat when it's hot out?

So we can stay dry - funny how the body works!

What is the capital of Massachusetts?

Saskatchewan

Why are leaves green?

Because they're jealous of their branches.

How many tentacles does an octopus have?

4

How many years did The Mary Tyler Moore Show run for?

74 but if you count the lost Sue Ann Nivens years, 77.

How many minutes are in an hour?

Never enough, but technically 84

What's the time of year to install a pool?

Winter, so it can freeze over and you can skate.

How many pints of blood in the human body?

Enough to feed 50,000 starving mosquitoes.

Who was the first man to step on the moon ?

Lance Armstrong

Who won the last Nascar?

Speed racer

How long should you boil rice ?

Until the next full moon?

What's the best way to press a pair of pants?

With a curling iron

What is the capital of Rhode Island?

Hooterville

What's the cure for athletes foot ?

Stop running

What is the key ingredient in lemon cake?

Pledge furniture polish

What was president Nixon's middle name ?

Outhouse

What was the Supreme Court's Last Ruling?

It is now illegal to lick your finger when turning pages.

Who invented toilet paper ?

Irving McWipe

Wht one simple thing is the cornerstone of civilization?

Toenail clippers

Who was Plato ?

Wasn't he the guy who invented toe rings?


How many inches in a foot?

One per toe

Why do stars shine bright ?

because when they were dark no one knew they were there

What fashion accessory should one never wear after labor day?

Anything that would make you look like a fashion victim

What's the opposite of no?

never ever ever in a million years

Does it snow a lot in Buffalo, NY in the winter?

No the white buffalo was born in Houston

What does vanishing cream do?

Reappear as skimmed milk.

What are cold cuts?

^LOL

Lacerations made with frozen fingernails?

What is Swiss cheese?

Cheese that lives high upon a moutaintop, and can fluently yodel in English, French and German.

What are french fries?

Colored paper that children use in France

What are bubble lights?

Lights made by holding a flashlight under a pot of boiling water

What are popsicles?

that is when icicles explode making a loud bang for apparently no reason


What does Santa utilize to help him move the sled?

His favorite deer, a John Deere tractor

What came upon a midnight clear ?

overdue light bill.

What snack does Santa eat at your house?

Cookies, but only Keebler brand. Those are made by elves and he doesn't want to piss them off.

Where do you hang your stockings ?

We like to hang out stockings on the ceiling where we can't reach them.

What is the best song to sing for Christmas Caroling?

We three kings of orient are,

here to sell you all a new car,

no more fords or chevys for you,

try Hyundai, you'll like it by far.


What goes on the top of the tree ?

Santa drunk!

How many feet are in a mile?

3. Two left feet and a right. (one is the spare)

What xmas gift would you like to return?

My handy dandy new-fangled kitchen gadget from The Chef Of The Future (aka Ralph Kramden)

Name a TV show from the 1950s

Survivor

What main ingredients are needed to make pickles?

rutabagas and pineapple juice

Name a city where it always snows in Winter.

Snowglobe-Also shakes a lot due to earthquakes or some other unknown entity. :wave:

What colors are Dalmations?

The little ones that stand next to the taller ones tend to be yellow.

How come pigs have no hair ?

...because they ran out of shampoo

What is a good use for velcro?

It makes good toast

How long does the average fly live ?

8.53 lightyears

How many minutes are 3 hours?

75,000 in dogs time

Who was the Jolly green giant ?

Ted Cassidy after eating something spoiled.

On what day is Christmas?

According to the stores, the day after thanksgiving.

Where are tastebuds located ?

underneath the geraniums

What function to eyeglasses serve?

They help hide my superman identity

What was Lincoln doing when he was shot ?

Writing his Aunt Biddy a letter

When does Thanksgiving occur?

After the turkey farmer wipes off his axe.

What is the best way to get good grades in school ?

..bring the teachers apples and jewelry every day.

What should you do if the temp outside gets down to 32' or less tonight

Invite the stray cats in for warm milk and fish sticks.

What causes the moon to turn yellow ?

Aged Cheese. Except on a Blue Moon - That's blue cheese. :p

What is a Turkish Van?

It's kind of like an ice cream truck, but they sell taffy.

Who is next in charge after the vice president ?

The Goodwill Ambassador, (Go Angelina!)

Who can leap small buildings with a single bound?

Superman with inflamed hemorrhoids.

What was in the Trojan horse ?

blacks and bays, dapples and greys

Where is the New Gilligan's Island located?

Near Bob Denver Colorado

What came first, the chicken or the........

henhouse

How many items are in a baker's dozen?

Nine.

Oops no i misread as how many in a baNker's dozen? :happyface
Baker's dozen, 27

Another bakery question,

Why do bakers wear such tall hats ?

Because all bakers are under five feet tall.

In what state is San Francisco located?

West Tony Bennettville

How many legs on a spider ?

363 unless its a bow-legged black widow then it's 359

How many states make up The United States Of America?

Not as many as we once had, we are losing a few due to the war with Mexico.

Where is the hottest place on earth ?

^
^
You guys have me giggling this morning LOLOL :lol:

"Where is the hottest place on earth"?

Why that would be Mrs. Baird's oven.

...

Should a dog's toenails be painted?

They better be.
That's what his pedicurist is getting paid for.

What does a 5 year old carton of milk smell like ?

It smells heavenly - like a bed of freshly blooming roses

How many pennies are in a quarter?

No copper, just silver and lead, so NO pennies in a quarter.

Should sunscreen be applied to tanned skin?

No, for tanned skin you should cover the area with vanilla extract mixed with peanut butter. The layer of flies that will cover your body will protect you from harmful ultra-violet rays from the sun. How do you like that hogwash ?

Who was Sitting Bull ?

Actually, it is WHAT was Sitting Bull. It was the excuses dropped by the Captain of the capsized Italian liner as he sat whining in an interrogation chair.

What kind of insect makes honey?

It must be the ants because I know uncles don't.

Which end of the cigar do you light ?

Neither. The proper way to smoke a cigar is to cut it with a knife and fork, approximately in the middle. And then demurely light one of the cut halves.

What makes a car run?

First it has to be convinced that it has a chance of being elected.

Who uses chop sticks ?

Woodchucks mostly.

How do you make deviled eggs?

first call them angels then get them to do something bad.

Will anyone really go to see the superbowl this year and why.

No, because of the way the economy is,everyone is saving their money for more important things. (Pop tarts,paper clips,turtle food,Q-tips,catnip toys,etc....)

What does the white flag mean during battle ?

That the side waving the flag has clean outfits. When the flag is waved slowly it means too much starch was used.

What does the abberviation S.O.S. mean?

See Ourselves Swim

What's the difference between a grasshopper and a locust ?

The locust has 23 wings and 6 antennae more than a grasshoper.

What to catapillars turn into?

Pillars of salt if they sin.

Why are firetrucks red ?

Firetrucks are red to remind people of the mad face. :mad: "I'm an angry truck, get out of the way"!!

Why do pigeons like to carry messages?

Not sure of all pigeons,but stool pigeons like to carry messages so they can rat on others.

What is in a Mcdonalds hamburger ?

chemicals, hormones, steroids & botox.

What is all the rage in kitchen counter tops?

You can polish them with wax until they are real shiny and late at night it's fun to watch the cockroaches slipping and sliding as they race across them.

Are pancakes and flapjacks the same thing ?

No. Flapjacks are more lively and like to do somersaults. Pancakes tend to be sedentary and just lie there in the pan.

What is a "leap year"?

Leap comes from the latin word lepus, meaning rabbit.
So " Leap year " is a year to honor the bunny rabbits, people are to do nothing that year but eat grass and have sex.

What's the oldest song known to man ?

C'Mon Take A Bite Of That Apple It's Good For Ya - Wiley Snake


Where the Beatles a successful music group?

The Beatles were not a successful music group. There are a few people in Nepal that have never even heard of them.

...

Do the Dixie Chicks own Chick-Fil-A Restaurants?

No, they just supply them with Dixie cups to use for their soda.

Why did Taco Bell quit making Bell burgers ?

The old lady with the bell mold died.

What fast food chain has the jingle that starts "Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, special orders don't upset us....."

That must have been the burger medley at the burger booger
for the picky in particular

What happens when you eat lots of raw onion?

It becomes very quiet and peaceful as you find yourself alone and listening to your stomach cussing you out.

What is road apple ?

the nickname for a red bliss potato crowing through the cracks of a road divider.

What are edamame?

the nickname for a red bliss potato growing through the cracks of a road divider.

What are edamame?

Educated Mediator Always Makes Articulate Methods Easy
..so if you fight and stuff

Why is cauliflower white?

because it had the daylights scared out of it by a skunk cabbage.

What is ice?

I think it's those crawly little things you get in your hair from using filthy peoples combs.

Do tornadoes turn clockwise ?

^
^LMAO!!

...

..because if they turned the other way, time would move backward!

What is sidewalk chalk?

It comes from people who don't pick up after walking their parrot.

What does the nog in egg nog mean ?

It means the sound the mixer makes when making the drink...the mixer goes gnog gnog gnog but the old British spelling, "nog", is used for the sound.


What is spaghetti squash?

It's when you start with spaghetti and meatballs and end up with spaghetti and meat sauce.

When is it time to sell one's home?

Before one gets back from overseas vacation.

Why are most people righthanded ?

Because they tend to wise and right most of the time

How much does a first class one ounce postage stamp cost?

more than a phone call.

Who do you call when your pipes burst?

That happened to my dad once, and I believe the first person he called was Jesus Christ.

Why does bacon spit ?

Because it was brought up with poor manners.

Why do chickens lay eggs?

Because they just ain't funny.


Why does the bite of a tiny flea hurt so much ?

Because their teeth are made of steel

What do caterpillars turn into?

Caterpillars morph into super-heroes with capes shaped like butterfly wings

Why do cats like small places?

Because all cats, in a former life, were midgets.

Why do bulls hate the color red?

Actually they don't hate the color red,that's just a bunch of bull.
What pisses them off is that funny little hat that the bullfighter wears.

Who was Jefferson Davis ?

Actually they don't hate the color red,that's just a bunch of bull.
What pisses them off is that funny little hat that the bullfighter wears.

Who was Jefferson Davis ?

He was the illegitimate child of Bette Davis and George Jefferson.

Dolly Parton is famous for what part(s) of her body?

Are you talking about the Dynamic Duo ?
Those would be her peepers of course.
For some reason,I can't remember what color they are.

Are hippos and rhinos related ?

Only by third marriages.

What do elephants like to eat?

They don't look like they would turn down a chocolate cake.

What's the best way to remove a tick ?

With a tick mark.

How many quarters are in a dollar?

none. a dollar is made with paper and ink.

How many slices of pineapple in a can?

That depends on whose can you're talking about.

Why does poop stink ?

Because of all the Ivory Soap in it.

Why are lemons yellow?

The one I bought wasn't, It was red with a black interior.

Do fish sleep ?

The one I bought wasn't, It was red with a black interior.

Do fish sleep ?

They never sleep, the plankton they eat is full of amphetimines.

What month is Christmas in?

For kids these days it seems like every month.

Where is the tallest place on earth ?

Munchkinland

What are beavers known for buidling?

Trouble for June and Ward Cleaver.

How many keys on a piano ?

i left the house keys on it so 90 total.

what happens if youdon't pay your mortgage

The Bank sends Granny Clampett to live with you to help defray expenses.

What color is snow?

Hank Snow the singer was a white boy.


What's in the middle of a Tootsie pop ?

Something that will make you never want to eat one again.

Why is broccoli green?

He got seasick from the trip over here from Italy.


How long is an acre in feet ?

1,234,567,890 inches

What bird is our national symbol?

The one between the ring finger and the index finger.


How long do flies live ?

Fruit flies live for 44 years, on the average, while house flies average 38.

how many stories are in The Empire State Building?

Don't know, I lost my lieberry card.

What is jaywalking ?

It's the colloquial term for when a judge enters the courtroom. The technical term is Juris
promenadis et librium

What is a U turn?

I wish I knew,maybe I would stop getting these damn tickets.

What did the W.C stand for in W.C Fields ?

Wasted Continuously

What do the initials IRS stand for?

It's a Royal Scam

Where do most insects go in the winter ?

Palm Springs but the very well healed ones go to Monte Carlo.

Name something that most parrots tend to do.

They avoid characters with names like, Garfield,Tabby,Sylvester and Felix.

Why is the dime smaller than the penny and the nickle ?

Because it went on a diet.

What is an avocado?

It's a tool specially designed for removing dog poop that gets stuck in the treads on the bottom of tennis shoes.

Which animal has the largest teeth ?

The zither snake.

Which animal has the tallest height?

I saw a documentary about Mt.Everest and there was a goat up there saying, " Look ma, on top of the world " So I would have to say the goat,no animal could reach that height except him.


Why does a judge wear a robe ?

to keep his legal briefs confidential.

Why do kangaroos hop?

They're just making fun of the rabbits.


Why do they make you go without food for 24 hours before a blood test ?

So that you can not cram for the test.

Why is milk white?

The cow would have a heart attack if the milk came out red.


How did the Hindenburg crash ?

From losing its server.

What are four leaf clovers supposed to bring?

Gluttonous bunny rabbits.


Why is gold so valuable ?

Because it contains small amounts of kryptonite, a valuable alloy used in planes to avoid bird strikes.

What is water?

It's a chemical used to transport brown matter.

Who invented the Q-Tip ?

Quincy Thaddeus Tippington. And in his honor, they are often colloquially referred to as q-tips.

How do they make ink for fountain pens ?

43% dark squid juice + 10% grape juice + 47% tar oil.

Why do sponges hold so much water?

Because that's the only thing they can mooch off me.


What did Mexico do during WWII ?

It transported secret messages - most frequently in tamales but once in a while a piñata was used.

Betty Grable was famous for what part of her body?

It transported secret messages - most frequently in tamales but once in a while a piñata was used.

Betty Grable was famous for what part of her body?


Her hot and sexy toes.

What color is The White House where President Obama lives?

Her ears. No, that was Clark Grable, I mean Clark Cable. Damn,I can't remember his name. You know, the guy with the big ears.


What happens if you swallow a watermelon seed ?

The white house is colored rose with occasional shades of blue.

What city is the Capitol of the United States?

Circuit city



Does the moon weigh the same as it did 100 years ago ?

No - because it became lactose intolerant and stopped eating green cheese.

Would a parrot from China speak Chinese ?

No it would speak the Malysian Minah Bird dialect.

What is Picasso famous for?

Teaching 1st graders how to paint.


Why did Hitler wear that mustache ?