M*A*S*H(From the finale movie): The loudspeaker: "Ladies and gentlemen: five minutes ago at 10:01 a.m., the truce was signed at Panmuonjon. The hostilities will end twelve hours from now. The was is over!!!"
OR radio: "There it is, that's the sound of peace."

Step by Step/Karen: "The mall is where I spend my day, from pretzel stand to lingerie. The shoes and purses, the choice is hard. Oh heck, put them all on my credit card."
That 70s Show/Hyde: "Looks like Shelly has a thing for Forman." Fez: "Yes and Forman has a thing for Shelly......and it's in his pants."
The Munsters/Herman (to Eddie): "It doesn't matter what you look like. You can be tall or short, or fat or thin, or ugly or handsome -- like your father. You can be black or yellow or white. It doesn't matter. What does matter is the size of your heart and the strength of your character."

Happy Days/Ritchie (to Joanie): "What's the secret?" Joanie: "You got home at two o'clock last night." Ritchie: "That's no secret." Joanie: "It is to Dad." Ritchie: "You're cruisin' for a bruising, kid." Joanie: "Oh yeahhh? You'll have to catch me first."

Happy Days/Howard: "Well I guess Arnold couldn't compete with Clark Gable." Ritchie: "Nobody can." Fonzie: "Heeyyyyyy." Ritchie: "Well, almost nobody..."
Friends/Chandler: "Wait a minute, I know that hat....I was taken aboard that hat. They did experiments on me.....I can't have children...."
What I Like About You/Gary: "...and that brave turkey.......was the last turkey my family ever ate."
Just Shoot Me/Jack (to Elliott): "Why can't she see through this guy??" Elliott: "It's the hair, it's always the hair"
Green Acres/Lisa (to deputy sheriff): "He was reincarcerated."

Mork & Mindy/Mork (on phone in singles bar): "Hello.........well I don't think I have one of those, maybe my friend does.....well, if that was true I'd have to be eight feet tall."
The Brady Bunch/Greg (to Peter): "Hey. You can't argue with that." Peter: "I guess that's why he's a dad. And why we're just guys." Bobby: "Yeah. He thinks better." Mike: "Thanks, Bobby."
Cindy: "I'm a lady. If you say I'm not, I'll bop you!"

(Mama's Family)
Fran: Do I live in a barn yard?!
Mama: No. You live a house, but I think you belong in a home.
***

(The Golden Girls)

Rose: Thank you.....?
Sophia: Sophia.
Rose: Sophia.
Sophia: You're welcome....?
Rose: Rose.
Dorothy: Any wonder why we get nursing home brochures by the truck load?
***

The Golden Girls:

Dorothy: Get over here you deceitful little cicilan geckio (to sophia)

Rose: I know what i'm talking about i watch La Law
Dorothy: L.A. Law Rose, L.A. Law

Rose: oh please, i haven't had a farmer in the dell phone since i was in my 50's.


Will & Grace:

Karen: I'm so nervous, the last time i was on a date Bush was president and we were at war

Jack: guys don't make passes at guys with fat asses (about will)

Grace: Oh, that is so Party Of Five

Desperate Housewives:

Edie (to a guy she's asking out): Oh, you're so far out of your leaque that were not even playing the same game

Desinging Women:

Mary-Jo (talking about plus size clothing stores): and have you noticed that when it's in a really nice area it has a name like "women of disctintcion" but when it's for poor fat people it's just called something like "big girls"

Suzanne: Okay sure i've put on a lot of weight lately, but you people act like i should be ordering dresses from Georgia tent and awning.

Bernice: Black man, black man

Julia: Suzanne if sex were fast food there'd be an arch over your bed

Carlene: you know Alison, you remind me of someone i saw on the discovery channel last night
Alison: and who might that be?
Carlene: Adolf hitler

Julia: Yes, and I gather from your comments there are a couple of other things you don't know, Marjorie. For example, you probably didn't know that Suzanne was the only contestant in Georgia pageant history to sweep every category except congeniality, and that is not something the women in my family aspire to anyway. Or that when she walked down the runway in her swimsuit, five contestants quit on the spot. Or that when she emerged from the isolation booth to answer the question, "What would you do to prevent war?" she spoke so eloquently of patriotism, battlefields and diamond tiaras, grown men wept. And you probably didn't know, Marjorie, that Suzanne was not just any Miss Georgia, she was the Miss Georgia. She didn't twirl just a baton, that baton was on fire. And when she threw that baton into the air, it flew higher, further, faster than any baton has ever flown before, hitting a transformer and showering the darkened arena with sparks! And when it finally did come down, Marjorie, my sister caught that baton, and 12,000 people jumped to their feet for sixteen and one-half minutes of uninterrupted thunderous ovation, as flames illuminated her tear-stained face! And that, Marjorie - just so you will know - and your children will someday know - is the night the lights went out in Georgia!

How I met Your Mother:

Barney: Haveeeeeeeeee you met Ted?

"MASH"
Hot Lips: "Just a moment, isn't that Franks bag"?
Trapper: "I thought you were Franks bag".

From the pilot-
Hawkeye (to Hot Lips) :
"Later baby".
Hot Lips-"That's Major to you"!
Hawkeye-"OK, Major baby".

I Love Lucy
Lucy: Eeeeewww!
***
Ricky: 'Splain.
(instead of explain)

THE ODD COUPLE/Felix to Oscar-"Oscar, Oscar, Oscar"!

THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES

Jed: "Elly May carries herself proud...throws her shoulders back".

Granny: "It ain't her shoulders that's bustin' them buttons".






Pearl: "Jed, you kin do anythin' ya want...go anywhere ya want"!
Jed: "Yea, that's another thing that Mr. Brewster kept sayin'. 'Mr. Clampett' he said 'ah reckon you'll be wantin' ta' move out o' here now'. What do ya' think Pearl? Think we oughta move"?
Pearl: "Jed..how kin ya even ask? Look aroun' ya. You're livin in a one room cabin, you're cookin on a wood fire, you're drinkin' home made moonshine, day and night. And your bathroom's three feet from th' house...and you want ta' know if you should move"!
Jed: "Yea, ah guess you're right. Ah wouldn't want t' give up all this".

THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES

(Jed and Jethro are trying to enroll Jethro in a prestigious private school)

Mrs. Potts (the headmistress): "You do know we charge tuition".
Jed: "Does thet mean money"?
Mrs. Potts: "Yes it does, and it is quite beyond your means, I am sure".
Jed: "Well ma'mm Ah thought of thet, an' anythin's ok, as long as it's not over twenty-five million".
Mrs. Potts: "TWENTY-FIVE...MILLION"?
Jed: "Yes, ma'mm".
Mrs. Potts: "You have twenty-five million dollars"?
Jed: "Yes ma'mm".
Jethro: "In cash".
Jed: "Yes ma'mm".
Mrs. Potts: "You expect me to believe that you have that much money"?
Jed: "Well, not on me, ya see my neighbor, Mr. Drysdale, he's holdin' on ta it for me, down t' his bank. An' he's not chargin' me nothin' fer it".

Sabrina/Libby Chessler: (walking down hallway and labeling random students in the hall) Freak, loser... loser, freak, geek cluster"

Step by Step/Karen: "The mall is where I spend my day, from pretzel stand to lingerie. The shoes and purses, the choice is hard. Oh heck, put them all on my credit card."

I totally love Karen... ditto for littlebelle.

Sabrina/Libby Chessler: (walking down hallway and labeling random students in the hall) Freak, loser... loser, freak, geek cluster"

Actually, I think it was "freak, loser, loser-freak."

Three's Company:

one of Jack's girlfriends: I want your baby
Jack Tripper: I dont have a baby

LOL

Actually, I think it was "freak, loser, loser-freak."


Yeah I wasn't sure if she was actually calling one person a "loser-freak" or if she called one person a loser, and one person a freak.

"THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES"

Miss Jane: "I hear Jethro went to Oxford"?
Jed: "Yes ma'mm, that he did"!
Miss Jane: "I suppose he also went to Eaton"?
Jed: "If ah know Jethro...he went ta' eatin' as soon as he was born".


later in the same scene-
Miss Jane: "If he went to Eaton, he must have majored in something. What was it"?
Jed" "eatin' "
Miss Jane: "No, I mean what sport? Cricket"?
Jed: "No ma'mm, it was crawdads. Ah don't think even Jethro would eat a cricket".

"GREEN ACRES"-Oliver is looking under the bed for something, while calling "LISA"!
(Lisa walks in) "Well I'm not under there"!

"Now hear this! I'm an easy-going guy. Live and let live I always say. What's good for the goose is nobody else's business but the gander's. But sometimes you gotta draw the line. Call 'em as you see 'em! Stand up and be counted! The buck stops here! Is that clear?! Now, this wasn't easy for me to say, but you two had it coming!"

-Mr. Furley after he overhears Jack and Larry talking and thinks that they are having a gay affair

Seinfeld//Elaine (to Jerry): "Why do you have to be so. Jokey?" Jerry: "I'm a comedian."

"Im losing my mind. I gave a discharge to a sheep who's now on a plane to become Radar's little brother." Henry on M*A*S*H*

"Put him down, you can't twirl an officer!" Hot Lips M*A*S*H*

"i've been on dasher, on prancer , on vixen , on comet , on cupid, on donner , but not on blitzen...he likes to watch ok" Karen on W/G

"You're drunk! Hot Lips
"Now that's an out and out lie and I intend to press charges ..the minute I'm sober." Henry

"no no what are you dong?
Get off my sister!" Ross on FRIENDS

"Where's colonel bubblehead?" HL

"he's asked not not to be disturbed." Radar

"He already is disturbed ," HL


"To Pierce and McIntire
to their all night binges
to their secret nurse ceremonies and capatulated with full details of their last Thanksgivings come as your favorite nude pilgrim party."
Hot Lips

"we'll miss you in our hearts " Hawkeve
"and in the shower." Trapper

from the pilot of "THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES".
Jed walks into the cabin, Granny is sitting sewing.

Granny: "Jed, you've got to do somethin' 'bout that wild daughter o' yours".
Jed: "What's she done now"?
Granny: "Look"! (holds up Elly shirt) "She done ripped another button off'a her shirt agin".
Jed: "How'd she do that"?
Granny: "Wrasslin' with a bobcat".
Jed: "Get hurt"?
Granny: "Ah reckon so, it went limpin off on 3 laigs"!
"Pretty soon th' boys'll be comin' roun', wantin' ta court her".
Jed: "They already done thet".
Granny: "An' what did she do"?
Jed: "She wipped th' tar out of 'em"
Granny: "She's gittin' too old ta' be wearin' mens duds, an' wrasslin with bobcats. She oughta stay aroun' the cabin with me, doin' womans work like cookin' an' cleanin' an' mindin' th' still".
Jed: "Elly May's proud...throws her shoulders back".
Granny: "It's not her shoulders that's bustin' them buttons".

Ally McBeal:

Georgia (to Ally): Ally, what makes your problems so much bigger than everybody elses?

Ally: Because they're mine.


Ally: When guys are presistant it's romantic, they make movies about that. When it's a woman, they cast Glenn Close.

Ally: Maybe i'm happy and i just don't know it.

Ally: Were woman, we have double standards to live up too.

"THE HONEYMOONERS"

Ralph: "THIS IS THE BIGGEST THING I EVER GOT INTO"!

Alice: "THE BIGGEST THING YOU EVER GOT INTO IS YOUR PANTS"!