i need help! [Archive] - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

BlairandJo

08-27-2001, 07:01 PM

Here try these I posted these in another post
also.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Jinny: And you actually paid for this assassination, huh? Really, how much? I mean, how does that work? Is it like chippin' in for the Christmas party, huh? Where are the hats? Where are the noise makers? God, I'd really love a damn party favor.
~~~~~~
Jinny: Oh, come on, folks, please, don't be shy. Apparently anyone is welcome to crap all over me tonight, so please, step right on up!
~~~~~
Jinny: If you think for one minute that I am gonna stand here and listen to all of you talk about me, your out of your damn minds.
~~~~~
Jinny: Basically people are who people are. Your born, you die pretty much the same person. All the rest is just window dressing.
~~~~
Magda: (walks over to Jinny) So, you excited about Teddy's birthday party?
Jinny: Oh... please, it's not a party, it's the Nuremberg Trials. Dinner with his parents and a few of his closest friends. God, I hope I get turned away at the door.(Thats
how I feel when I have to do those fancy things.I pray im turned away at the door!lol)
~~~~
Magda: What is that?
Jinny: It's a list of guys that I've slept with, ones I can remember anyway. Our delightful Captian's idea.
Magda: You're gonna need a bigger book.
Jinny: *looks at Magda* What do we really know about anybody, ya know? Any cop or Jinny haters here today?! Raise your hand!
~~~~~
Teddy: You all set for tomorrow night?
Jinny: I have my bullet proof vest polished if that's what you mean.
Teddy: Come on, Jinny.
Jinny: Oh, yes. Actually... I bought a dress.
Teddy: You did?
Jinny: There is no guarantee, however, that I am going to wear it.
~~~
Teddy: Hey! What the hell happened last night?
Jinny: I'm sorry.
Teddy: Sorry? I'm sorry? Sorry? Sorry doesn't cut it. Where did you go? You didn't come home, I spent the night in your hallway!
Jinny: Yeah, well... um, ya know, I had a little too much to drink last night, so I uh...
Teddy: Little? You were drunk. This was not the first time. You embarrassed me, infront of my friends, my parents, it was my damn birthday!
Jinny: Hey, ya know what? I told you I didn't want to go to begin with. I'm not... good at those kind of things... and you know what? For the record, I was just being honest.
Teddy: Be honest with me, not my parents!
Jinny: All right, fine. You want honesty? Why don't you let me tell you a little bit about my family? See, I never really had a birthday party unless of course you wanna count my 15th, when my father showed up for cake, plastered in his underwear! Oh... yeah, by the way, my mom couldn't make it that year either because, well, sadly six months earlier she BLEW HER BRAINS OUT!!!!!
Teddy: Jinny, my God.
Jinny: As for my brother, ugh... yeah, John... see, he just doesn't like ya unless your
American, white, and straight... and for me... a few weeks ago when uh... I had that nut case after me, yeah I had to make a little list, of all the guys that I've slept with in the last two years. I couldn't remember some of their names.
Teddy: Stop.
Jinny: Ya know what? THIS IS WHO I AM, THIS IS MY FAMILY!!!! Come on, it's your turn. You go ahead, flash that all-American, prep school, choir boy smile and you tell me that it doesn't matter. Doesn't change anything. ( pause) Yeah, that's what I thought.
~~~~
Jinny: God, she's got a bug up her ass for me.
C.D.: Why?
Jinny: Oh, how should I know? Maybe, I am not her idea of what a lady cop should
look and act like.
C.D.: Did she tell you that?
Jinny: No, everytime she looks at me I get this flashback of my Aunt Irene's expression when I showed up at my sweet 16 wearing cut offs and a t-shirt saying, "Got any lately?"
~~~~~~~
Kate: Didn't you ever have a dog, Jinny?
Jinny: I had a plant once... it didn't make it.
~~~~
Magda: What would you do if a guy didnt call?
Jinny: Oh, they always call me. They want to know me, they want to be a part of my
life. They want to share.
Magda: But if they didn't?
Jinny: I would breathe a big sigh of relief unless, unless of course I liked him, then I
would just hunt him down and slash his tires.
~~~~~
Jinny: So just what is the penalty for attempted dogacide in this state? We roll up a news paper and hit the offender on the nose?
~~~
Jinny: Alright, alright, enough! Put your hands up! Look buddy, I've got PMS and a gun, any questions!?
~~~
Ben: "Tell me a story."
Magda: "Poppi, grandma's gonna be here any minute and Jinny has to drive me to work."
Ben: "Please?"
Jinny: "Oh, come on. There's always time for a quickie. How about Little Red Riding Hood?"
Ben: "That's for babies."
Jinny: "Oh, just hush up and listen. Okay, once upon a time there was a cop named Little Red. And Little Red did patrol in the hood which is a real funky part of town."
Ben: "What's funky?"
Jinny: "Uh, um...nasty. Anyway, Little Red was looking for this real ugly dude named Big Bad Wolf 'cause he was robbing eldery ladies in the park. He was stealing their social security checks."
Ben: "Why?"
Jinny: "Can I just tell the story, please? Thank you. Okay, so one day Little Red decides to set a trap. So she disguises herself as an elderly lady. We're talking can, orthopedic shoes, everything."
Magda: "Oh, grandma's here."
Ben: "Come on, Mom."
Jinny: "Uh, Okay. That night Little Red is walking through the park when who should appear but the Big Bad Wolf. My, my says the wolf, what a large heavy purse you have with lots of lovely cash. Hand it over! The better to arrest you with said Little Red and instead of cash she pulls out her 9mm service automatic."
Magda: "Jinny!"
Ben: "What happened?"
Magda: "Little Red arrested the Big Bad Wolf and he went to jail."
Jinny: "Right. ...But not before Big Bad Wolf went for his piece, luckily Little Red was quicker and she blew the Big Bad Wolf's hairy butt to smithereens!"
Magda: "Thanks a lot, Jin."
Jinny: "They all lived happily ever after."
~~~~~
Teddy: "Who's that guy this morning?"
Jinny: "What guy?"
Teddy: "During the breifing he uh...rubbed your shoulders, whisphered in your ear."
Jinny: "He's someone I work with."
Teddy: "Tried to call you last night, gave up around midnight."
Jinny: "Well, I was out."
Teddy: "Obviously. You having some kinda relationship with this guy? Just seemed, I don't know - intimate."
Jinny: "Intimate? No, I mean I sleep with him, but then again I do that with all the guys in the division. You know, it's the way I break 'em in."
Teddy: "Fine, none of my business."
Jinny: "Damn right."
~~~~~~
Jinny: "Theodore, how many times have you asked me out?"
Teddy: "Three for four."
Jinny: "And what have I said each and every time?"
Teddy: "Thanks, but no thanks."
Jinny: "Just making sure I didn't dream it."
Teddy: "Dinner?"
Jinny: "Teddy, this is bordering on sexual harassment. You know, there are laws."
Teddy: "Well, I swear no laws will be broken. No good ones anyway."
~~~~~~
Jinny: "Please, ya know what, don't bother."
Magda: "Don't bother? That's nice. You know what I've been doing for the last two days? Huh? Forget about my work, forget about my family, I've been worried sick about you! So don't you tell me not to bother, okay? Don't you dare say that to me!"
Magda: "Well, she's save, she's home now."
Jinny:Im sorry(starts to cry)
~~~~~
Angela: "Oh come on Jinny, don't be like that."
Jinny: "Like what?"
Angela: "So sarcastic. Always jumping down everybody's throat."
Jinny: "Well, I'm not always like that, tonight just happens to be a special occasion."
~~~~~
Jinny: "Intervention - please. It's nothing more than a modern day witch hunt! Put me on the blocks in the center of town so you can throw stones at me - maybe feel a little bit better about your own miserable, pathetic lives. Oh poor Jinny. Hey I know, lets do something nice for her. Why don't we stand her up in front of all of us and tear her apart for a couple of hours. Maybe she'll find God or Budda or...or some sort of higher being, anything so she might actually look forward to waking up in the morning!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hope these help!;o)

------------------
Its my life!This is
who I am!And you tell me
it does'nt matter!
-Jinny
~~~~~~~
Visit my Facts of life website
Http://www.fol-is-number-one.cityslide.com

Last updated:August 24,
2001.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Love beliver
So take the love He's giving to you
A love receiver
Cause everything He's
Promised is true
Love beliver
Listen to the song that I
sing
You are the child of the
King"
-Love Beliver.
~~~~~~~
"Be a good girl(why be a good girl?)be a good girl
(why be a good girl?)she
is a see-saw seeing if it
matters she is a game of
Chutes and Laders.
be a good girl (why be a good girl?)
she needs the one who wrote the definition of
a love without condition
be a good girl."
-Good Girl.