Anyone lose a friend because they got married or had a baby?

For some reason a friend I've known for 14 & 1/2 years has decided that because she's going to have a baby that she's going to stop being my friend. :( We didn't have any kind of argument or disagreement so I'm not sure why. She sent me an e-mail tonight telling me, "I am going to stop being friends with you because I'm having a baby." :( I was happy for her and wished her well when she told me Monday evening via e-mail, she was pregnant. I didn't say anything negative so I just don't understand.

It's made me feel really sad. I just don't understand. First I had to lose one friend - online, and now one offline. I didn't want to lose a friend to begin with and now within a few days I've lost two. :crying: I don't know how much more I can handle. I don't know what I could have done to deserve this, but I'm sorry.

Is it typical for people to give up friends because they are going to have a child or because they're married?

Oh my god....is she for real????? What the heck?! First off let me tell you i know it's hard, but ummm she ain't worth your time. Who the hell gets rid of their freinds because of marriage or a baby? Heck, keeping friends is what keeps your SANITY whenever you're married and have children. I'm very sorry she was a total a** to you. No, to answer your question it's not typical for a friend to do that. Anyone that's normal anyway. I had a friend do that to me, she was my best friend for years and the day she got a boyfriend, she devoted all her time to him, i'd call her every now and then and she'd say "can't talk, i'm waiting for my boyfriend to call". Well, lets just say she's single now and I'M the one with the fiance.

No, not typical, but, not unheard of either, i have 2 old friends who've barely spoken to me since they were married, in both cases because their new wives wanted them to "let the past go"......i must say its the first time I've heard of this happening because of a baby, maybe once the baby is born and shes gone through it, she will realise what a terrible thing shes doing but, as the old saying goes, "With friends like that, who needs enemies?" ; youre better off without "friends" like that.

You probably did nothing wrong but you deserve an explanation as to why this friend has suddenly cut you off and I'm not buying pregnancy as an excuse. Most women that I know who have become pregnant usually want to share the good news with their friends and a for a 14 year friendship to end like that just doesn't add up. I think there's more here than she's telling you.

Being the mother of three children I have to say THAT IS OFF THE WALL. It is unheard of and let me say how f***ing rude of her to tell you in an email of all things. I wonder if she is suffering from PRE-partum blues. :rolleyes:

Also, your ex-friend should've thought more before ending it. She just lost a potential baby sitter for nights out when she needs a break. Good job, friend. Once that baby comes she's gonna wish she had a friend to talk to and help with the baby.

The same thing happened to me in 1997. My best friend through almost all of high school, Kevin, got his girlfriend pregnant and they got married in June of that summer, with thier son being born the following month. Kevin and I were really, really close. However, once he was married and the baby arrived that was more or less the end of our friendship. He didn't saying anything as cold as your friend did ("I am going to stop being friends with you because I'm having a baby"), but he wasn't able to hang out anymore. I sort of expected that he would have a much fulller plate with the baby and an new wife, but I didn't expect our friendship to totally end.

I think this happens quite a bit as people get older...though in 1997 I was only 21 and he was only 20...but I think with more resposiblities, old friends tend to drift apart. It's sad, but it happens, I'm afraid.

Everyone else in this thread seems to disagree with me. :lol:

The email was terribly rude though. I think we all agree on that. I wonder if the husband has something to do with this. I've always suspected that one of the reasons Kevin and I drifted apart had something to do with his wife. She came from a rich family and looked down on all of Kevin's "poor" friends.

WOW, I am speechless, that someone, would actually end a "FRIENDSHIP" because she was a having a baby?; regardless, if you have known this person for 14 years, but she sounds to me that she never was truly a "FRIEND" to begin with:(

Now that I think of it, it does seem a little strange. As I mentioned, I know that friends can drift apart after the birth of a baby, but for a friend to just drop you before the baby is even born, seems a little odd. :eek:

Would you like a married man's opinion? It's one thing if the two of you just somehow stopped seing each other or having much to do with each other as a result of marriage/pregnancy/childbirth. These things happen, sadly and naturally, but always SPONTANEOUSLY.

It's quite another thing deliberately to cut it off like that. If you want to be charitable, knock it off to panic or nerves or whatever (sorry, I'm no psychologist and a male to boot, but I have seen it happen)... Then maybe an approach later may work. But if not... try to get over it. It's not worth it to have such friends.

try to get over it. It's not worth it to have such friends.Amen to that, youre better off without her.

She actually told you that? Yikes. That's really horrible. Usually when this happens (I've had it to a degree), it usually just fades away. People don't say "I'm not going to be friends with you because I'm married/have a baby." That's ridiculous.

I bet she'll get hers though.

Would you like a married man's opinion? It's one thing if the two of you just somehow stopped seing each other or having much to do with each other as a result of marriage/pregnancy/childbirth. These things happen, sadly and naturally, but always SPONTANEOUSLY.

It's quite another thing deliberately to cut it off like that. If you want to be charitable, knock it off to panic or nerves or whatever (sorry, I'm no psychologist and a male to boot, but I have seen it happen)... Then maybe an approach later may work. But if not... try to get over it. It's not worth it to have such friends.
I totally agree. It's one thing for friends to drift apart after they get married but to just dump a friend like that is wrong.

Would you like a married man's opinion? But if not... try to get over it.

:lol: Not laughing at you sweetie, but the fact that a man will tell another to "get over it"...that phrase must be engrained in the brain of all men to tell people who really feel awful abt something.


But I do agree with you that a person who would do that to a supposed friend, is no friend indeed.

:lol: Not laughing at you sweetie, but the fact that a man will tell another to "get over it"...that phrase must be engrained in the brain of all men to tell people who really feel awful abt something.


But I do agree with you that a person who would do that to a supposed friend, is no friend indeed.

I make no apology. YES! That's how a man in this culture thinks. If innocent, wounded and in pain, find the strength to overcome if at all possible.

Anyway, thanks for agreeing with me. :)

I make no apology. YES! That's how a man in this culture thinks. If innocent, wounded and in pain, find the strength to overcome if at all possible.

Anyway, thanks for agreeing with me. :)
;)

I'm sorry, Jenny. I know how painful it must be for you. I had something similiar happen to me, the suddeness of it and no explanation. In my case, I gave this couple everything under the sun. Relatives. When they were on their feet, it was see ya! Very painful, and this happened last summer.

It's easy to just say let it go, but you really have no choice. We can't force people to be our friends. I'm finding more and more that it's just a cold cruel world, and my trust level with most people is at an all time low. I hate to sound so pessimistic, but when I look around and it's hard to find one person who hasn't let me down, it's hard to trust. I can honestly understand how people cut themselves off from the world. I wouldn't do it, yet, but I can understand it. I could tell stories in my life that would make heads spin. All the good people in my life have died.

You may want to e:mail her back, and tell her that it's rude to dump a longtime friend over a pregnancy, and via e:mail to boot. Tell her it sounds like an excuse, and you think she owes you the truth, after all these years.

I'm finding more and more that it's just a cold cruel world, and my trust level with most people is at an all time low. I hate to sound so pessimistic, but when I look around and it's hard to find one person who hasn't let me down, it's hard to trust.

I feel the same way. You can only lose so many people before you start getting bitter.

You may want to e:mail her back, and tell her that it's rude to dump a longtime friend over a pregnancy, and via e:mail to boot. Tell her it sounds like an excuse, and you think she owes you the truth, after all these years.
i was thinking this myself, but, couldnt think of a proper (non-rude) way to put what you need to say in words but, i think Janice has it covered here; you do deserve a better explanation....


then, when shes done, you can post any embarrassing pics you have of her, all over the internet, to get even! ;) (Just kidding :lol: )

i can't pass judgment on your friend, nor have i ever been pregnant myself, but i know that some women get very emotional/depressed during and after their pregnancies, which can lead to having irrational thoughts. i'm thinking this might have been the case when she sent the email. honestly it sounds like something i might have done if i were too overwhelmed by it to be in an adequate state of mind...i get kind of like that when i'm depressed. you'd think that if she were a bad friend, it would have shown sooner than 14 years into the friendship.
i would say give it time for now and let her sort everything out. however, if she really meant what she said, then i know it's not easy, but you're better off without someone who would end a friendship over something so unreasonable.

then, when shes done, you can post any embarrassing pics you have of her, all over the internet, to get even! ;) (Just kidding :lol: )
:lol: I like it.

Anyone lose a friend because they got married or had a baby?

For some reason a friend I've known for 14 & 1/2 years has decided that because she's going to have a baby that she's going to stop being my friend. :( We didn't have any kind of argument or disagreement so I'm not sure why. She sent me an e-mail tonight telling me, "I am going to stop being friends with you because I'm having a baby." :( I was happy for her and wished her well when she told me Monday evening via e-mail, she was pregnant. I didn't say anything negative so I just don't understand.

It's made me feel really sad. I just don't understand. First I had to lose one friend - online, and now one offline. I didn't want to lose a friend to begin with and now within a few days I've lost two. :crying: I don't know how much more I can handle. I don't know what I could have done to deserve this, but I'm sorry.

Is it typical for people to give up friends because they are going to have a child or because they're married?


I'm so sorry that happened to you. What a f***ed up thing to do. Irene makes a good point that maybe she's suffering from post-partum depression, because her behavior is really off the wall. I know it's easier said than done but try not to let this get you down. You deserve people in your life who appreciate you, and from what I've seen of you on the bds. , IT'S HER LOSS.

Thanks.

Well, she just called me and told me that she said the wrong thing. She doesn't plan to end the friendship. I feel better, but it does seem strange as if she did a 360 in approx. 24 hours. I told her that I'm here if she needs me. I told her that I will help in anyway I can if she needs. She told me that she found out today that's she's having a boy and that she's due June 25th. I told her congratulations. I thought about asking for an explanation for yesterday's e-mail, but I decided to leave it alone. I just hope that doesn't happen again. The e-mail made me feel really bad yesterday. Hopefully things will stay ok. I do cherish my friends and hate losing them. I even took the high road and told her to tell her husband I said congratulations to him too, even though he's not the most pleasant person. I have always tried to be nice to him because he's not worth losing my friend over.
Well, if that's the case, then I would say Sarah is on to something. Her hormones may be out of whack.

Boy what a change. I just hope she doesn't do another 180 turn and cut you off again. Hopefully this was a one time thing and she realized how stupid she was. I still feel bad that you had to deal with this.

Well, i wouldn't blame it on the hormones at all. Hormones can make pregnant women a little bit more on edge than before she got pregnant, but not enough for her to get online and end a friendship. Well, for a mentally healthy woman. I'm glad she realized what she did though. She probably just thought she wouldn't need friends anymore after having a baby, that she would be too busy with the baby for friends, which is a very naive way of thinking. Since you said though, maybe it was her husband, maybe he talked her into ending friendships. Like some people said, a friendship can end sooner or later, but its best to let it die out on its own, not end it because of a stupid reason.

It's been about six weeks since the last time I spoke to my friend Chrissy. I haven't heard from her e-mail wise either. I've tried calling a few times, but her husband tells me that she's either asleep or not there. One time I called and got the answering machine. I know she's pregnant, but it seems like she's totally ignoring me. She is the one who said that she was going to stop being my friend because she is having a baby and then later said that she didn't mean that. Ok, so now I wonder, what's up? Sometimes I wonder if her husband influences whom she has contact with. I can't prove it, but it seems like that. I hate to think I've lost my friend. I have only called a few times. I don't want to bug her. She hasn't called me back. I have a feeling that once she has her baby, I will never hear from her. :( I'm happy for her, but I feel bad.

oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, how convenient.
i'm going to lose my only friends over something similar. well we may stay in contact and we may stay in the same area, but i know i'll never see them again.

Were those really the words she used in the email? If so, yeah, that's really odd. I've never heard of people ditching their friends and social relationships over becoming pregnant. Understandably, things change once a couple are going to become a family. However, that doesn't mean you become a recluse!

My parents always visited friends when I was little. In fact, they would even babysit me sometimes.

i know how you feel. i've randomly lost all of my offline friends literally one after another within the past 2 years...some moved and the others just randomly stopped talking to me without an explanation. no idea why. i guess friends really dont last forever.

If her husband is telling her who she can and can't be friends with, that's sad. Controlling men and the women who let them suck. Rotten people.