AB
12-20-2007, 07:56 PM
133303
How To Give A Cat A Pill
1. Cradle cat in arms like holding a baby, gently place pill in cats mouth and allow him to swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take out new pill, force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth. Hold mouth closed for count of 10.
5. Retrieve cat from top of wardrobe and pill from goldfish bowl. Call for husband.
6. Kneel on floor, hold cat between knees. Ignore cat's growls & hisses while having husband force wooden ruler into cats mouth and drop pill down the ruler.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains and broken figurines. Get out a new pill.
8. Wrap cat in large towel while having spouse lie on cat. Put pill in straw and blow into cats mouth.
9. Check label to make sure pill isn't harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to wash away taste of pill. Apply band-aid to spouse's arm and clean blood off carpet.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed, get new pill & another beer. Put cat in cabinet with only head sticking out. Force mouth open with a spoon, flick pill in with a rubber band.
11. Get screwdriver from garage and put cabinet door back on hinges, get bottle of whiskey to disinfect scratch on cheek and take one drink. Check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw torn t-shirt away and get new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to get f-in' cat from tree across the street. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Get out last pill.
13. Tie the little b-'s front paws to back paws with twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table. Get heavy duty gloves from garage, push pill roughly into mouth followed by piece of steak and two pints of water.
14. Consumer remainder of whiskey.
15. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers & forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. On way home order new table.
16. Call Humane Society to collect mutant cat from h-, and call pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How To Give A Dog A Pill
1. Wrap pill in bacon.
How To Give A Cat A Pill
1. Cradle cat in arms like holding a baby, gently place pill in cats mouth and allow him to swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take out new pill, force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth. Hold mouth closed for count of 10.
5. Retrieve cat from top of wardrobe and pill from goldfish bowl. Call for husband.
6. Kneel on floor, hold cat between knees. Ignore cat's growls & hisses while having husband force wooden ruler into cats mouth and drop pill down the ruler.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains and broken figurines. Get out a new pill.
8. Wrap cat in large towel while having spouse lie on cat. Put pill in straw and blow into cats mouth.
9. Check label to make sure pill isn't harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to wash away taste of pill. Apply band-aid to spouse's arm and clean blood off carpet.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed, get new pill & another beer. Put cat in cabinet with only head sticking out. Force mouth open with a spoon, flick pill in with a rubber band.
11. Get screwdriver from garage and put cabinet door back on hinges, get bottle of whiskey to disinfect scratch on cheek and take one drink. Check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw torn t-shirt away and get new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to get f-in' cat from tree across the street. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Get out last pill.
13. Tie the little b-'s front paws to back paws with twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table. Get heavy duty gloves from garage, push pill roughly into mouth followed by piece of steak and two pints of water.
14. Consumer remainder of whiskey.
15. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers & forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. On way home order new table.
16. Call Humane Society to collect mutant cat from h-, and call pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How To Give A Dog A Pill
1. Wrap pill in bacon.