With all the fun we had with the O&H wrong answer game, let's start another one. In this game, start with a quote that Ozzie or another member of the show said and someone will respond with a creative answer of what they meant. An example:

Ozzie: I really shouldn't have another piece of mince pie.

What he meant: My belt is so tight, it's cutting off my circulation.

I'll start the ball rolling:

Harriet: I hope the Randolphs remember our bridge game tonight.

What she really meant: That Clara is so dizzy she'll probably think the game is two weeks from now.

Ginger running after Wally with a frying pan saying "I'll sweetie pie you" , what she really meant was

What she really meant: That Clara is so dizzy she'll probably think the game is two weeks from now.

Ginger running after Wally with a frying pan saying "I'll sweetie pie you" , what she really meant was
I would brain you if you had any!

Ozzie said: The boys always disapear when there is work to do.
He meant:

They're getting more and more like Wally every day.

When Wally hits Rick or David up for money and says he'll pay them back he really means

They're getting more and more like Wally every day.

When Wally hits Rick or David up for money and says he'll pay them pack he really means
David has a better chance of having a million selling record.
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When Clara tells Harriet that Joe is perfect for her she means......

he's perfectly willing to sponge most of his free meals off of Ozzie and Harriet, leaving Clara with little kitchen work.

When Mr. Kelley says that Miss Edwards needs to spend more time at the office he really means.....

he's perfectly willing to sponge most of his free meals off of Ozzie and Harriet, leaving Clara with little kitchen work.

When Mr. Kelley says that Miss Edwards needs to spend more time at the office he really means.....
He wants her to work late so she can join him for a happy hour at The Malt Shop.
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David said having June work at the office was "different". He meant her working at the office was ..........................

really great. Although she started out as a sec'y, with her debating skills and poker face, she was a natch for arguing cases, Dave sent her to Law School too.



When Ricky says "come on Wally!" he really means...

really great. Although she started out as a sec'y, with her debating skills and poker face, she was a natch for arguing cases, Dave sent her to Law School too.



When Ricky says "come on Wally!" he really means...
Rick meant: do some work you overstuffed turkey before you want to break for lunch.

Harriet said: Ozzie, should we invite the Randolph's to join us at the lodge. Harriet really meant............................................

you know what a tightwad Joe is; we'll probably end up paying 80% of the expenses.

When Clara says to Joe "why don't you ever bring me flowers" she really means

you know what a tightwad Joe is; we'll probably end up paying 80% of the expenses.

When Clara says to Joe "why don't you ever bring me flowers" she really means
Flowers would freshen up the air in this house, you never take that $10 sportcoat off and your perspiration smells up everything.
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Rick said this about his date for the dance: She is pretty shy, really cute with a sweet personality. Rick really meant:

she'd be a better date for Dave; I like my girls more lively.

When Wally tells Ginger "you're the only girl for me'" he really means

she'd be a better date for Dave; I like my girls more lively.

When Wally tells Ginger "you're the only girl for me'" he really means
I need 10 bucks fast and you are my only chance.
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When Harriet said: Ozzie, how are you going to do all the things you said you would do on Christmas Eve, she really meant......................

how are you going to con the boys into doing most of them?


When June says to David "that's all right dear, we'll go on a vacation next year" what she really means is

how are you going to con the boys into doing most of them?


When June says to David "that's all right dear, we'll go on a vacation next year" what she really means is
I rather stay home and lounge around than have to carry all our bags to and from the airport.

Even as a lawyer, Dave visited the Campus Malt Shop because he said it made him feel young again. What he really meant was.......

he couldn't wait to dig into one of those Triple Banana Surprises Joe at the Malt Shop was famous for, and get chocolate syrup on his face like he did as a little boy.

When Professor Paterson tells his class that they ain't seen nothing yet, what he really means is....

he couldn't wait to dig into one of those Triple Banana Surprises Joe at the Malt Shop was famous for, and get chocolate syrup on his face like he did as a little boy.

When Professor Paterson tells his class that they ain't seen nothing yet, what he really means is....
his wife is a knockout and Kris and June pale in comparison.

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Ozzie's friends said they were excited that he would conduct the band at the men's club. What they really meant was..........

they were excited to hear him play the ukelele and the banjo, since they knew he'd crarck them out sometime during the performance.

When Miss Edwards tells Dave not to sweat it, she really means......

they were excited to hear him play the ukelele and the banjo, since they knew he'd crarck them out sometime during the performance.

When Miss Edwards tells Dave not to sweat it, she really means......
to loosen up his buttondown shirt and meet her in the file room!
--
Ozzie said he was extremely proud when David passed the bar exam. He really meant that...........................

now he can get lots of free legal advice.

During the first season of the show, when the announcer says that Ricky is irreprescible, he really means

now he can get lots of free legal advice.

During the first season of the show, when the announcer says that Ricky is irreprescible, he really means
The show was desperate for laughs and Rick's smart remarks was a huge selling point.
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Ozzie loved to nap on the couch during the day prompting Harriet to just smile and say: Ozzie is one of a kind. She really meant that Ozzie....

is a two-eyed couch potato.

When young Ricky says "I don't mess around boy" he really means...

is a two-eyed couch potato.

When young Ricky says "I don't mess around boy" he really means...
He meant he had stop wetting the bed.
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Rick's first day on his paper route started with a day off, which made Ricky say that he loved the newspaper business. What he want was .......................

What he really meant was he loved the way his mom conned Ozzie into doing the paper route for him.

In an episode where Ozzie said to Harriet that there was no way he was going to go to Hawaii, what he really meant was

What he really meant was he loved the way his mom conned Ozzie into doing the paper route for him.

In an episode where Ozzie said to Harriet that there was no way he was going to go to Hawaii, what he really meant was
my legs are better than yours and I will embarass you when I wear a hula skirt.
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Ozzie dismissed Don Defore for creative reasons. Really he called Don a ______________

shyster lawyer who was just after all of the Nelson's ice cream.

When David says holy smokes, what he really means is

shyster lawyer who was just after all of the Nelson's ice cream.

When David says holy smokes, what he really means is
He wants to sample the wacky weed that he and Rick grew in the basement.
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Ozzie said that Harriet had not gained a pound since they were married. He really meant that................................

he means she didn't gain a pound, she gained ten.

When Harriet says to Wally, "would you like to stay for dinner", what she really means is

he means she didn't gain a pound, she gained ten.

When Harriet says to Wally, "would you like to stay for dinner", what she really means is
I burned everything tonight but with your endless appetitie, you will never notice....

Wally thought Clara Randolph was funny because she always laughed at his jokes. She was really laughing at .....................

his porcine appearance

When Clara asked Harriet if she'd like to go shopping, what she really meant was

his porcine appearance

When Clara asked Harriet if she'd like to go shopping, what she really meant was
Let's get you a new hairstyle, you have so much hairspray on top, I can see dust sticking to it.--

Ozzie considered himself a man among men, but the men really said he was .......

he was a bridge player among bridge players

When Joe Randolph calls Ozzie "Granpa" what he really means is

he was a bridge player among bridge players

When Joe Randolph calls Ozzie "Granpa" what he really means is
He means that Ozzie has the energy of a 95 year old man.

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When Ozzie said that Harriet's beef stew was one of a kind he meant....

it was a Dinty Moore extravaganza!

When Wally comes over to Dave's law office with a picked over box of candy and asks everyone if they'd like a piece, what he really means is

it was a Dinty Moore extravaganza!

When Wally comes over to Dave's law office with a picked over box of candy and asks everyone if they'd like a piece, what he really means is
This candy made me sick to my stomach and he needs to recover to get the free malt he won at the malt shop.---

Although Dave and Rick told Ozzie they hung out at the Malt Shop they were really drinking................

sassafras soda at Nick's pizzeria, where Ginger worked part time as a waitress.

When Mrs. Brewster asks Ozzie if he'd like to sing Christmas Carols what she really means is

sassafras soda at Nick's pizzeria, where Ginger worked part time as a waitress.

When Mrs. Brewster asks Ozzie if he'd like to sing Christmas Carols what she really means is
No one can believe you sing so badly and people will be more willing to donate money to shut you up.----
Ozzie said it was too much work putting up the Christmas lights but he really meant that .........................................

he was afraid he's split his pants climbing up the ladder (too much of Harriet's pie;))

When Mr. Kelley asks David why Miss Edwards is out of the office so much, what he really means is

he was afraid he's split his pants climbing up the ladder (too much of Harriet's pie;))

When Mr. Kelley asks David why Miss Edwards is out of the office so much, what he really means is
she does so little work when she is in the office, it is hard to tell when she is out.
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Ozzie said that David had a great manner in court, what he really meant that Dave was about as effective as ..................

June was at poker.

And by the way, when Dave says that June has a great poker face, what he really means is...

June was at poker.

And by the way, when Dave says that June has a great poker face, what he really means is...
the woman is about as expressionless as a crumbled leave.

When Ozzie said both his daughter in laws were one of a kind he meant that they were............................

lucky they found someone who wanted to marry them.

When Wally tells Harriet that she is a great cook, what he really means is...

lucky they found someone who wanted to marry them.

When Wally tells Harriet that she is a great cook, what he really means is...
Since I had my tonsils out I can't taste a darn thing so whatever you serve me I will pretend to like.
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Ozzie said that Wally kept everyone loose on the set, what he really meant was.................

everyone stayed limber running away from him every time he asked to borrow money

When Mr. Kelley tells Dave that he really doesn't like passing the buck, what he really means is........

everyone stayed limber running away from him every time he asked to borrow money

When Mr. Kelley tells Dave that he really doesn't like passing the buck, what he really means is........
Dave is not in line for the raise he wants. Kelley thinks Dave spends too much time on the phone talking to June.
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When reporters asked Ozzie why June and Kris had so few scenes together Ozzie said: That's just the way the stories played out. He really meant that.............

They were both smitten with Ricky, and often had vicious cat fights.

When Kris tells Ricky that he really hates her portrait photo, what she really means is

They were both smitten with Ricky, and often had vicious cat fights.

When Kris tells Ricky that he really hates her portrait photo, what she really means is
She was no looker to begin with and this photo merely confirms her suspicions.

Kris was portrayed as a whining, complaining wife but in reality Ozzie always thought she was a .................................

as sweet and compliant as June.

When Thorny exhorts Ozzie to help Ricky with his Algebra homework, what he really means is

as sweet and compliant as June.

When Thorny exhorts Ozzie to help Ricky with his Algebra homework, what he really means is
He helped his son with his homework and the boy failed miserably. He wanted a similar fate for Ricky.

Thorny always invited himself to Ozzie's house for barbecues because he said that Ozzie was a great chef. What he meant was that Ozzie was........

Ozzie was a great soft touch for freeloaders like Thorny.

Speaking of freeloaders, when Joe Randolph offers Ozzie a beaten up TV for free, what he really means is

Ozzie was a great soft touch for freeloaders like Thorny.

Speaking of freeloaders, when Joe Randolph offers Ozzie a beaten up TV for free, what he really means is
I owe you so much, fix this tv and credit my tab.
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Ozzie generally took a nap before bedtime. He said he needed the rest for his active lifestyle. What he really meant was that..........................

he needed to sleep off the three apple pies he ate.

When Ginger pours a glass of water over Wally at the malt shop, and then says to all "that was very refreshing", what she really means is.....

he needed to sleep off the three apple pies he ate.

When Ginger pours a glass of water over Wally at the malt shop, and then says to all "that was very refreshing", what she really means is.....
this is the only way she can get Wally to bathe.
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Wally loved chocolate malts and claimed he would have a vanilla malt once and a while to avert boredom. What he really meant when he had a vanilla malt was........................

What Wally really meant was that he had a vanilla malt to shock Jack, the owner of the Malt Shop.

When the Tigers say the word"charleyhorse" what they really mean is...

What Wally really meant was that he had a vanilla malt to shock Jack, the owner of the Malt Shop.

When the Tigers say the word"charleyhorse" what they really mean is...
That is the code word at the malt shop when Wally is looking to borrow money.
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When Ginger said that Wally was not the marrying kind she meant he........

he was the freeloading kind.

When the florist says he going to surprise Ozzie's wife by sending two orchids, what he really means is

he was the freeloading kind.

When the florist says he going to surprise Ozzie's wife by sending two orchids, what he really means is
Oz is so darn cheap, he would never send flowers on his own.
--
For a doctor, Doc Williams has a lot of free time. Many think that is because................

the healthy Hillsdale air, which keeps many people from becoming sick

When Ozzie says he wants a change of pace and quits The Bridge Club, what he really means is

the healthy Hillsdale air, which keeps many people from becoming sick

When Ozzie says he wants a change of pace and quits The Bridge Club, what he really means is
the other players have taken him for every dollar he has and he would rather spend the $3 per week allowance Harriet gives him at the Malt Shop.

Harriet caught Ozzie having a huge ice cream sundae at the Malt Shop. Of course he said that...................................

he was eating for "two"--himself and Wally

When Ozzie says he gets nightmares after eating a Triple Banana Surprise, what he really means is....

he was eating for "two"--himself and Wally

When Ozzie says he gets nightmares after eating a Triple Banana Surprise, what he really means is....
his stomach is so full that the growling keeps Harriet awake all night.

Ozzie once was going to buy a share of the Eporium but he felt the money was better spent on his son's education. Actually, he didn't buy shares in the Emporium because................

Because that sexy young salesgirl worked in the Men's Dept and he didn't want Harriet to get suspicious.

When The Girl In The Emporium tells Ricky and Wally that they are not trying hard enough what she really means is...

Because that sexy young salesgirl worked in the Men's Dept and he didn't want Harriet to get suspicious.

When The Girl In The Emporium tells Ricky and Wally that they are not trying hard enough what she really means is...
that their taste in clothing reminds her of Ozzies's.

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Wally said that Ginger kept him in line, what he really meant was.....

When she used that fished reel on him, she wasn't fooling around boy.

When Miss Edwards tells Dave that Mr. Kelly isn't the type to hand out bouquets what she really means is....

When she used that fished reel on him, she wasn't fooling around boy.

When Miss Edwards tells Dave that Mr. Kelly isn't the type to hand out bouquets what she really means is....
Dave spends too much time talking to June on the phone and rather than look for a pat on the back from Mr. Kelly, he should strive to work harder.
...
Ozzie dreamed of being a trial lawyer and said that his band prevented him from pursuing a career in law. What he really meant was he..................

it was a good thing he could play the banjo since he'd probably flunk the bar exam

When Harriet xays to Ozzie, "who are you calling an old lady" what she really means is....

it was a good thing he could play the banjo since he'd probably flunk the bar exam

When Harriet xays to Ozzie, "who are you calling an old lady" what she really means is....
His energy level is the same as a dead snake.
....
Clara Randolph once taught speech at UCLA, she claimed she quit to raise a family, what she meant was she quit because........................

George Burns mistook her for Gracie and pinched her bottom

When at the very end of the last ep in the series (The Game Room) Ozzie says "my wife the pool shark" what he really means is

George Burns mistook her for Gracie and pinched her bottom

When at the very end of the last ep in the series (The Game Room) Ozzie says "my wife the pool shark" what he really means is
I have run out of ideas for this show and we are scraping the bottom of the barrel, if we were renewed the next show would have had Harriet enrolling at UCLA.
...
Ozzie told the cast that the show had not been renewed and they should all he happy for 14 years of steady work, What he really meant was......

The cancellation is a blessing in disguise....I'm sickof looking at all of your mugs.


In Tutti Fruitti Ice Cream, when Ozzie & Harriet visit the druggist, and he says to Harriet, well sit down little lady, my wife had cravings for sardine shakes, what he really means is....

The cancellation is a blessing in disguise....I'm sickof looking at all of your mugs.


In Tutti Fruitti Ice Cream, when Ozzie & Harriet visit the druggist, and he says to Harriet, well sit down little lady, my wife had cravings for sardine shakes, what he really means is....
He thinks Harriet is expecting, but the only thing she is expecting is to hit him on the head with a bottle of Bromo Seltzer...

Grandma Nelson always sent her Christmas packages late because Ozzie said she skrimped on postage. What he really meant was......

The old bat bought her stuff Jan 3 when it was 75% off.

When Kris tells Ricky that he really doesn't like her photo, what she really means is...

The old bat bought her stuff Jan 3 when it was 75% off.

When Kris tells Ricky that he really doesn't like her photo, what she really means is...
She wants Ozzie to spring for a plastic surgeon for her.

....

Ozzie said the British Invasion lessened Rick's popularity. What he meant was.........

Ricky needed to learn to sing with a cockney accent.

When the fraternity brothers tell their fathers they want to treat them to a steak dinner, what they really mean is.....

Ricky needed to learn to sing with a cockney accent.

When the fraternity brothers tell their fathers they want to treat them to a steak dinner, what they really mean is.....
They want to get the old men drunk and then raid their pockets.
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Wally loved pie ala mode for dessert because he said he loved fruit. He really meant he.......................

He really meant that he had a fruitful appetite.

When Professor Paterson says that he regrets that he has to leave the Fraternity, what he really means is...

He really meant that he had a fruitful appetite.

When Professor Paterson says that he regrets that he has to leave the Fraternity, what he really means is...
The students and their manners have driven him to drink. He has nightmares about Wally's laugh and constant belching.

---
Wally attended college with both Dave and Rick because he claimed he was taken an advanced degree program. Actually he was at college so long because he..............

But he was taking an advanced course, Advanced Gluttony, and he had an A average in his major.

When the florists wife says Ozzie's a bum, what she really means is.....