Post you're favorite quotes of any Sitcom here. If you don't know the direct quote, just post what is close :)


Here are my favorite:

"I might have known I'd find another woman here." - Marcia Brady (Season 4)
"Well, you caught me at a bad time, I usually have 3 or 4." - Greg Brady (Season 4)

and

In season 1:
Alice is sad Tiger has too leave cuz jan is alergic to him and she says stupid dog...forgot what she actually says, ill get that sometime.

From The Brady Bunch, not sure what season.
Mrs. Brady and Alice just get back from shopping, they're in the kitchen unloading their goodies. Alice says to Mrs. Brady:
"I hate going shopping the lines, all the pushing and shoving." "Gee, I hope I didn't hurt anybody".

From The Munster's love any scene where Lilly scolds Herman, she says:
"Well Herman, You goofed it again".

Bewitched Sam, Uncle Arthur, Endora, and Serena together at the dinner table while Uncle Arthur successfully does the table cloth trick.
Endora: "He did it, with no power. That Clown did it!".

from MASH-Hawkeye to Radar: "Go on, get mad. I love it when those little wisps of steam come out of your ears".

Radr's in the swamp, and Hawk and B.J. are helping him with his writing course:
Radar-"Question 5. Describe a nice scene out your window". They all turn and look out on all 3 sides. Radar then looks back at the instruction book: "Question 6".

"I'm Not Brave, I'm Stupid." - Marcia Brady

Season 2.

From The Bang Theory

Sheldon talking to Lenard - "If you got the time to lean you got the time to clean."

M*A*S*H/Klinger (to interviewer): "I hate the damn Army. But I love these people." Hot Lips: "Well you have to understand, I'm Regular Army. Most of (them) are not. They're a terribly unruly, undisciplined bunch -- and I thank God for each and every one of them when those casualties roll in."

Bewitched, Darrin to Endora: "Don't you have a house to haunt?"

Who's the Boss?, Mona to Angela: "Oh don't be so sexist. A man can do meaningless, unproductive work just as well as a woman."

Who's the boss?
Tony Micilli's oh so famous line
"Aye oh, Oh aye"

from the pilot of THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES-
Pearl: "Jed, Elly May came over t' my place an' said ya sold th' swamp ta some oil comp'ny".
Jed:"Yea, ah guess ah did".
Pearl: "Wha'd they pay ya fer it"?
Jed: "They ain't paid me nothin' yet. That Brewster feller said he'd be by with th' money later".
Pearl: "Well, how much they gonna pay ya"?
Jed: "He didn't say".
Pearl: "Well he must have mentioned some amount".
Jed: "now Pearl, you know that ol' swamp ain't worth shucks".
Pearl: "Jed Clampett, ya got slickered an' you're 'shamed ta admit it"!
Granny: "Thas' jus' what I tol' him".
Pearl: "Granny, how much they gonna pay him"?
Jed: "Alright, ah'll tell ya! That Brewster fella said somewheres around twenny-fave".
Pearl: "Twenny-fave dollars"?
Jed: "Ah know it don't sound like much, but he seemed ta' put great store in th' fac' that he's gonna pay me in some new kin' o' dollars".
Pearl "New kin' o'...Jed, they AIN'T no new kin' o' dollars".
Jed: "Well, theys new ta' me. I heard o' silver dollars, paper dollars. But he said he's gonna pay me in..." (turns to Granny) "What kin' did he say agin', Granny"?
Granny: "Million...dollars".
Jed: (turns back to Pearl) "That's it. Twenty-fave to a hunnert million dollars".






from the episode JETHRO GOES TO SCHOOL: Jed and Jethro are enrolling Jethro in a prestigious private school-
Headmisstress: "You do know we charge tuition"?
Jed: "Does thet mean we gotta pay"?
Headmisstress: "Yes it does. And it is quite beyond your means; I am sure".
Jed: "Well; anythin's ok ma'am; as long as it ain't over twenty-fave million".
Headmistress: (looking surprised) "TWENTY-FIVE MILLION DOLLARS"?
Jed: "Yes ma'am".
Headmisstress: "You have twenty-five million dollars"?
Jed: "Yes ma'm".
Jethro: "In cash"
Jed: Yes ma'm. Sorry it cain't be more, but that's all ah got".

from MASH-Charles walks into the swamp and sees B.J.:

Charles-"Hunnicut"
B.J.-"Winchester"
Charles-"Where's your friend Pierce"?
B.J.-"It's thursday"
Charles-"So"?
B.J."The nurses hang their underwear on the line. He takes a sandwich and makes a day of it".
Charles-"Why this constant preocupation with sex"?
B.J.-"Lack of ocupation with it".



a drunk Hot Lips to Trapper: "Ther you are...you aminal"!

"You know what I've always liked about you, TrapperJohnIntyre"?

Maude to Archie when he gets his chair back

"You can have your chair Archie. Just don't move around in it too much, I wouldn't watch you to crush your brains" (or something very close to this)

okay this isn't from a sitcom, but the brady bunch movie...

"Put on your Sunday's Best kids, We're going to Sears!" - Mike Brady

"A wise man once said, Wherever you go, There you are." - Mike Brady

heheh.

THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES-when the Clampetts first pull up to their house; and Mr. Drysdale's standing out front:
Mr. Drysdale-"Welcome, welcome! This is your new home".
Elly May-"Is this a house"?
Drysdale-"Yes! It was built by John Barrymore, one of our great movie actors".
Jed-"An' a raght fin' stone mason, too"!

From The Bang Theory

Sheldon talking to Lenard - "If you got the time to lean you got the time to clean."

I watched that episode, it was my 1st time watching that show and I laughed at that line. Of course, you would've had to watch the scene to really understand what that was all about.

Frasier
Frasier - Oh Niles, I don't have time for your insanity, I'm about to steal a get-well card from a kidney patient.

Friends
Phoebe(after tasting a bad batch of Monica's cookies) - Dear Lord, this must be what evil tastes like!

From a last season new house/Universal City Studios epiode of "Leave it to Beaver"-an older Beaver is calling upstairs to Wally as Eddie and Lumpy come in the door:"Hey Wally,the goon brothers are here!" Also,in the new house episode from 1962,"A Night in the Woods"-the Cleavers are sitting around the breakfast table :Beaver:"You know,even I felt sorry for Eddie" Ward:"You did?"Beaver:"Yeah.Until he started telling the ranger how to run the forest."

from the pilot episode of THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES( which was called THE HILLBILLIES):

Mr. Brewster is talking to Jed & Pearl:
Mr. Brewster: "Well Mr. Clampett, your cousin's right. Beverly Hills is an exellent residential area".
Pearl: "Kin ya git him a nice, big place? With room fer all his kinfolk".
Jed: "Where about's your place"?
Mr. Brewster: "Oh, I live in Tulsa".
Jed: "Why cain't ah git a place up there, then"? (the audience laughs)
Mr. Brewster: "Mr. Clampett, let's not beat around the bush. You're going to LOVE Beverly Hills"!
Jed: "But kin ah afford a place out there"?
Mr. Brewster (smiling) "Oh Mr. Clampett, with all your money you can afford the Taj Mahal"!
Jed: "Ok, ah'll take it"!
Mr. Brewster "No; you see, I was just making a joke".
Jed: "Oh, well go ahead".
Mr. Brewster: "Well, you see, the Taj Mahal's in India".
Jed: "Mr. Brewser, you're a nice feller an' all; but Ah've gotta tell ya, Ah've heard better jokes".

This isn't from a sitcom,but a funny line from NBC's "Matlock" episode titled "The Doctors"(1987)Det.Tyler Hudson sick in hospital bed,to Matlock:(somewhat testy):"I hate hospitals!They are DESIGNED to Make You Sick!"