How can parents love their kids equally? If two parents have a mean, ill-tempered brat, who runs away, smokes, has sex with people twice their age, cusses, drinks, and has fights all the time, and they have another child who is a sweet angel who obeys them and is nice to everyone, how can they expect to love the "bad" brat" and the "sweet angel" equally?:confused:

It's called "Unconditional love". Someday when you are a parent, you will know and understand.

Good mature parents may like the better behaved child over the troublesome one, but love them equally. I do know know parents that love some of their kids more than others, and it has nothing to do with the kid's behavior either. I won't get into it, because you never know who's reading these boards, but I'm related to a woman who's an absolute disgrace when it comes to that. She simply has her favorites, with her kids and her grandkids. The ones who are not her favorites, call the ones who are, "the chosen few". She's left emotional scars on her non-favorites. Her husband was the same way, but he died.

the love a parent feels for a child is different from the conditional love you may feel for a friend or acquaintance.

It's that whole, I Love You but I don't LIKE you. It's confusing.

I firmly believe that its human nature to pick a favorite and that will always happen, however, a good parent can recognize this and do his/her best to share affection as close to equally as possible.

It's called "Unconditional love". Someday when you are a parent, you will know and understand.
Exactly!

I hope all parents share that "unconditional" love for their children...The relationship that a parent has with each of their kids may be different. For example, they might be closer to one of the kids more than the others, but the love should be the equal (whether the kids happen to be moody, mean, or a "sweet angel").

It's that whole, I Love You but I don't LIKE you. It's confusing.


Clair said that to Denise in a episode of the Cosby Show-lol No lie

Clair said that to Denise in a episode of the Cosby Show-lol No lie
:lol: Never seen it, I swear.

It should be easily to love the 'bad' kid and the 'good' kid equally. I can't see myself loving my kids differently, they are my flesh and blood.

My father loved me and my twin sister the same even though I was the 'bad' kid at the time. I was doing drugs and drinking and clubhopping at an early age, skipping school etc. while my sister did everything perfectly, so perfect, it was sickening. No matter how much pain I put my father and stepmother, they loved me just the same as my sister.

As a parent I can say that I love my 2 children equally only differently. Both are adults male and female. The same goes for my 2 grandchildren . Boy and girl.:)

:lol: Never seen it, I swear.


It was the episode when Denise was off to college and clair says I'm going to miss you and I'm not saying that because I love you, i'm saying it because I LIKE YOU-lol And Denise just started crying

It's called "Unconditional love". Someday when you are a parent, you will know and understand.

Exactly i was going to say that! This is a silly thread really.

This is a silly thread really.
exactly. this isn't controversial at all...just a naive question.

Exactly i was going to say that! This is a silly thread really.

I was going to say the same thing...

exactly. this isn't controversial at all...just a naive question.
Exactly. Naive is what it is. Nothing wrong with asking something you may not have the answer to, but it doesn't make it controversial.

It can be controversial if you've ever been involved with a family where parents DO love some of their kids and grandkids more than others. It can be heartbreaking. I've seen it up close and personal, and it can be devastating to the ones who don't make the cut. I'm not referring to my parents either.

It can be controversial if you've ever been involved with a family where parents DO love some of their kids and grandkids more than others. It can be heartbreaking. I've seen it up close and personal, and it can be devastating to the ones who don't make the cut. I'm not referring to my parents either.
Yes you are right. I was going to clarify my post when I read yours. I meant to say that Janice Johnson being naive to ask the question is in itself not controversial, but should someone happen to post their experiences abt a parent showing "favoritism" to one or more children, can be controversial as those of us will not understand that and may find it hard to concieve that such parents do indeed exist.

I am telling you right up front, I have seen it and I have experienced it and it can hurt big time. It can be controversial. I know what it is like to see a brother be sent to Cub Scouts and Little League and you, you get to play outside.

I know what it is like to have parents GUSH over a sibling to you and a parent just simply compare you with them. It can be a lonely and empty feeling.

I am telling you right up front, I have seen it and I have experienced it and it can hurt big time. It can be controversial. I know what it is like to see a brother be sent to Cub Scouts and Little League and you, you get to play outside.

I know what it is like to have parents GUSH over a sibling to you and a parent just simply compare you with them. It can be a lonely and empty feeling.

Oh my god, i'm sorry. I think it's horrible that some parents choose to do this to their kids. Don't they know that this carries on right into adulthood? I know some people who's sibling was treated better than them and later on in life acted out and/or just simply cut off their family.

I am telling you right up front, I have seen it and I have experienced it and it can hurt big time. It can be controversial. I know what it is like to see a brother be sent to Cub Scouts and Little League and you, you get to play outside.

I know what it is like to have parents GUSH over a sibling to you and a parent just simply compare you with them. It can be a lonely and empty feeling.
If there's one important and hard lesson you learned from this Brian, is that you will be extra careful to never show more attention to one of your daughters (and your future son ;)). Not that you would do that anyway, but to really know something, you have to live it.

I've seen these grandparents take two kids (from a family of four kids) away on month long vacations. They would lavish gifts on their two favorites. I've held the adult woman sobbing in my arms, over 20 years later. I blame the adults of those kids too. I would have told the grandparents that you're not going to spoil TWO of my FOUR kids.

These types of stories are commonplace in Dear Abby and other advice columns.

If there's one important and hard lesson you learned from this Brian, is that you will be extra careful to never show more attention to one of your daughters (and your future son ;)). Not that you would do that anyway, but to really know something, you have to live it.

I've seen these grandparents take two kids (from a family of four kids) away on month long vacations. They would lavish gifts on their two favorites. I've held the adult woman sobbing in my arms, over 20 years later. I blame the adults of those kids too. I would have told the grandparents that you're not going to spoil TWO of my FOUR kids.

These types of stories are commonplace in Dear Abby and other advice columns.
Oh God, I have read those stories in Dear Abby and other advice columns as you stated and it is so heartbreaking. Especially the grandparents who dote on one child and not the others. Or they treat their "blood" relatives better than maybe a step-child, etc.

My sister barely told me a story a year ago abt an aunt of ours who treated us differently because we were adopted. She stated this aunt of ours would say things at gatherings like "ok let's take a picture" and when my sister, brother and I were there she would say, "No not them, they are adopted, they are not family." I was horrified because my recollections of this particular aunt are nice memories. She seemed warm and loving towards me. I was completely shocked when my sister told me this. My sister said, "Didn't you ever wonder why we (our mom, dad and us kids) never visited her at her home?" I told her, "No." But now I know why. I loved hearing though how our father and mother told that aunt of ours off in private. ;) That must be why I remember her being "very nice" to me.

Oh God, I have read those stories in Dear Abby and other advice columns as you stated and it is so heartbreaking. Especially the grandparents who dote on one child and not the others. Or they treat their "blood" relatives better than maybe a step-child, etc.

My sister barely told me a story a year ago abt an aunt of ours who treated us differently because we were adopted. She stated this aunt of ours would say things at gatherings like "ok let's take a picture" and when my sister, brother and I were there she would say, "No not them, they are adopted, they are not family." I was horrified because my recollections of this particular aunt are nice memories. She seemed warm and loving towards me. I was completely shocked when my sister told me this. My sister said, "Didn't you ever wonder why we (our mom, dad and us kids) never visited her at her home?" I told her, "No." But now I know why. I loved hearing though how our father and mother told that aunt of ours off in private. ;) That must be why I remember her being "very nice" to me.
That's a sad story, Irene. I know about stepkids being shunned too. That's a real problem in many families. This particular mother/grandmother that I'm referring to wouldn't even acknowledge her step-grandson's birthday.

That's a sad story, Irene. I know about stepkids being shunned too. That's a real problem in many families. This particular mother/grandmother that I'm referring to wouldn't even acknowledge her step-grandson's birthday.
God, that is so sickening. I had this talk with my girls yesterday when we went out to dinner and I just shudder at the though of grown a$$ adults behaving in such a way that screams "favoritism". Kids are not at fault whatsoever and yet, these stupid supposed adults make them feel unloved, unwanted and probably the most hated people in the world. :mad:

I think you and I Janice know the love one can share with children whether they are our own or not. You and I are step-mothers and step-grandmothers. I could never treat them any differently. I acknowledge them and spoil the grandkids like they were my own flesh and blood. I truly believe it is because of the fact that I am adopted and I seen that my parents showed their love in many ways and never made us feel "different". They are the epitome of what it is to love children, whether God gave them to you the natural way or some other way.

I can relate to the favortism. My younger sister was the "chosen one" While i was the one that could do nothing right. At least in the eyes of my mom. They divorced when I was 8 and I went to live with my dad first. Then when I turned 15 I decided I wanted to live with her. Big mistake. No matter how good my grades were they were never good enough. If I got an B, then I got, "What happened? Why wasn't it an A?" If I cleaned the house top to bottom, it was never clean enough for my mom. It got to the point where I stopped trying to please her. I finally ran away from home when I was 16. Shortly after that my dad drove to Texas to get me. Only after my mom pushed me thru a sliding glass window. Of course she remember none of this and doesn't understand why I refuse to talk to her even to this day.

My dad and Jesus were the only saving grace and probably the "only" reasons I made it thru that difficult time. Even to this day I remember every mean and awful word that she said to me.

I vowed that she would never see my children. I let her see him once. I thought that things were going to get better, but they were the same. She's still the same nasty and bitter woman that she was 28 years ago. My dad passed away 10 years ago and I miss him so much that sometimes the pain is incredible. I look at my son and he reminds me so much of my dad that it's scary. Thank God for my brother and my husband, son and his family. Otherwise, I would be an orpan and truly alone in the world.

I have probably said more than necessary, but oh well. LOL!