I wrote a short poem for my Poetry Workshop class and I'm a bit nervous. I'd like some honest feedback--what you liked, didn't like, etc. I won't be offended if you don't like it :lol:

(A little background on the assignment--Our professor had us circle random words from two sources 1) A random N.Y. Times article and 2) an odd or intriguing technical book. I choose an article about Pavarotti's death and a 'Forensics For Dummies' hand book as my sources).

Here it is!


Rebirth



Summer languishes, dust congested air

dries up August's flesh.

River capillaries pulsate with the oncoming chill;

the reeds shudder.



Then autumn attacks,

the assailant wraps its hands on summer's neck,

chokes it with skeletal branch fingers.

Fireflies are snuffed,

warm glows fade like coal embers.



An ice blanket envelops fall's remains,

golden tones muted,

sealed in a snow coffin.



A flower pokes through ground,

sputtering, the arteries begin to pump again.

It is spring's voice rising

quiet, soft, fleeting.

Im no expert on poetry, but, i liked it, the timing was good and your points came across very nicely. The idea of comparing the end of summer to death was very well illustrated! ( a little grizzly but...thats poetry, right? ;) )

LOL, thank you! I'm glad you liked the pace of it and that it was clear to you :) I figured the death thing was fitting since I took some words out of a forensic science book :rofl:

Thanks, Mikey! :bighug: Any more comments...anyone? Bueller?

Im no expert on poetry, but, i liked it, the timing was good and your points came across very nicely. The idea of comparing the end of summer to death was very well illustrated! ( a little grizzly but...thats poetry, right? ;) )

You're Very welcome :)

i liked it very much kristel its very deep it gets high marks from me:)

Aw, thanks so much, Donald! :kiss:


i liked it very much kristel its very deep it gets high marks from me:)

Thats quite good deep dark and sexy!!! ;)

It's very good, Kristel. :) It's sort of like reading Edgar Allan Poe or Kafka.

:thumbsup:

Nice job!

Sexy, eh? :) Thanks! :D

Thats quite good deep dark and sexy!!! ;)

Wow, that's a pretty nice compliment--I love Poe! Thanks so much, Mike!

It's very good, Kristel. :) It's sort of like reading Edgar Allan Poe or Kafka.

Thanks so much! :)

:thumbsup:

Nice job!

I'm never been a fan of poetry, but that held my interest. It flows well. You'll get a high grade for that. :)

It's a good poem, and especially those who live in areas with distinct seasons can really appreciate and 'feel' that change which you so effectively express through your use of metaphor, simile and imagery.

Thanks, Janice :D I'm not really a fan of poetry myself either! :lol:

I'm never been a fan of poetry, but that held my interest. It flows well. You'll get a high grade for that. :)

Thanks, Yooch! I am glad you appreciated it! :)

It's a good poem, and especially those who live in areas with distinct seasons can really appreciate and 'feel' that change which you so effectively express through your use of metaphor, simile and imagery.

Good job! I really liked it! Very deep and moody. :)

Aw, thanks so much, Donald! :kiss:your welcome kristel and heres hoping you get an A+ for your poem