I live with my parents at the moment and i wanna move out bad and get my own place but the thing that's preventing that from happening is i can't get a good paying job because of my lack of intelligence and being able to figure things out. Right now i work 2 jobs and i'm tired of doing that. I've worked 2 jobs for a long time and i want just one job. At my first job, i'm a porter for a apartment building. I take care of the trash dumpsters, sweep up outside, sweep the parking garages and i change lightbulbs in the hallways. At my 2nd job, i work at a office building dumping trash and vaccuming. I get paid $9 a hour at my first job which is full time and my 2nd job is part time and i get paid $6.75 a hour. I wanna quit my 2nd job because the pay is sh*tty. I would like to stay at my first job because it's a nice environment for me because my co-workers are black, hispanic, white. Jobs that i've had in the past, i've worked with mostly blacks and i don't like working with only blacks because most of them can be very ignorant especially black men. I've been teased at my past jobs by ignorant black men because i'm quiet and i don't get in people's business and try to make friends. I just do my job and go home. One of the reasons i wanna move outta my parents house is because my father and i have never gotten along. He yelled at me yesterday because i accidentally poured some oil in the lawnmower and i poured too much because when i tried to cut the grass, the lawnmower was smoking. He had a damn fit. I just wanna get outta their house because i need to be on my own.



I went to see a psychiatrist last year because i'm concerned about my life because i think i'm gonna eventually end up homeless and that scares me because when your homeless, nobody cares about you and the government damn sure doesn't care about homeless people because they think every homeless person has a mental problem, are drug addicts and alcoholics and that's not true. I believe some homeless people do wanna have a better life but they don't know what to do to make their lives better. The psychiatrist told me that he thinks i have a.d.d. which is attention deficit disorder. He gave me some pills to take but i didn't take them because i don't believe that pills can make my brain think better. I'm depressed all the time and i think about suicide sometimes. I even talked to a suicide hotline and that didn't really help. I don't wanna go back to school because i never was a good student. I didn't get d's and f's a lot but i did get mostly c's and b's. I think my high school teachers just passed me along because i never caused trouble in class and i always did my homework but i think i didn't deserve to graduate on time. I just don't know what to do. I'm not good at any job skill besides cleaning and i'm tired of doing cleaning work because it doesn't pay enough for me to live in a nice neighborhood and drive a nice car which is what i want. I don't have any kids and i'm single. What should i do?

I'm sorry you're going through alot at the moment. I can totally relate to you. This may sound corny but always know that things can be alot worse. However, never doubt yourself. Always think positive. There must be other things you're good at. Do you drive? Do you know anything about cars, are you a people person, etc? If you do, there are other jobs out there! If you can't stand a full-time school scedule, try taking a degree program that takes place about once or twice a week. You should be able to get financial aid if it's too expensive. Take it easy with your parents and start saving up. If you really want out maybe you can rent a room or something until you find a bigger place. I moved out of my mom's house when I was 21 and moved in with my brother. It was so tough because we faught alot but then things got better. I was a nanny at the time and the thought of dealing with other peoples spoiled children got to me so I quit and went for clerical work. I didn't like it at first but then I got the hang of it and it's been 4 years I'm with the company. I pushed myself. Nothing is easy in life but if we think positive we will notice that things aren't so bad. Believe me, it took me a while to get the hang of the real world. Sometimes I'm still struggling. But we must learn from our mistakes and move on. Just take it easy and believe in yourself. :) I don't mean to sound like an afterschool special but I do hope my advice has some meaning. ;) I hope things go well for you!

I live with my parents at the moment and i wanna move out bad and get my own place but the thing that's preventing that from happening is i can't get a good paying job because of my lack of intelligence and being able to figure things out. Right now i work 2 jobs and i'm tired of doing that. I've worked 2 jobs for a long time and i want just one job. At my first job, i'm a porter for a apartment building. I take care of the trash dumpsters, sweep up outside, sweep the parking garages and i change lightbulbs in the hallways. At my 2nd job, i work at a office building dumping trash and vaccuming. I get paid $9 a hour at my first job which is full time and my 2nd job is part time and i get paid $6.75 a hour. I wanna quit my 2nd job because the pay is sh*tty. I would like to stay at my first job because it's a nice environment for me because my co-workers are black, hispanic, white. Jobs that i've had in the past, i've worked with mostly blacks and i don't like working with only blacks because most of them can be very ignorant especially black men. I've been teased at my past jobs by ignorant black men because i'm quiet and i don't get in people's business and try to make friends. I just do my job and go home. One of the reasons i wanna move outta my parents house is because my father and i have never gotten along. He yelled at me yesterday because i accidentally poured some oil in the lawnmower and i poured too much because when i tried to cut the grass, the lawnmower was smoking. He had a damn fit. I just wanna get outta their house because i need to be on my own.



I went to see a psychiatrist last year because i'm concerned about my life because i think i'm gonna eventually end up homeless and that scares me because when your homeless, nobody cares about you and the government damn sure doesn't care about homeless people because they think every homeless person has a mental problem, are drug addicts and alcoholics and that's not true. I believe some homeless people do wanna have a better life but they don't know what to do to make their lives better. The psychiatrist told me that he thinks i have a.d.d. which is attention deficit disorder. He gave me some pills to take but i didn't take them because i don't believe that pills can make my brain think better. I'm depressed all the time and i think about suicide sometimes. I even talked to a suicide hotline and that didn't really help. I don't wanna go back to school because i never was a good student. I didn't get d's and f's a lot but i did get mostly c's and b's. I think my high school teachers just passed me along because i never caused trouble in class and i always did my homework but i think i didn't deserve to graduate on time. I just don't know what to do. I'm not good at any job skill besides cleaning and i'm tired of doing cleaning work because it doesn't pay enough for me to live in a nice neighborhood and drive a nice car which is what i want. I don't have any kids and i'm single. What should i do?



You can't be that depressed if you called me GAY an hour ago-lol

I hope that you get to feeling better before too long, isiah.

Ya know believe it or not pizza delivery guys make good money. A good friend of mine does it an he can afford his own place. The thing is you need a real economical car. Juat a thought. I hope everything will get better for you. I don't know if you believe in prayer but it can help too. Just pray to not think about suicide and try to be positive.

I don't know anything about cars and i'm not a people person. I don't know how to read a map. I don't know how to change a car tire even though my dad has shown me how to do it several times. My dad has a temper and i don't like it because when he gets upset at me, he curses and yells and he has this evil look on his face like he despises me. I asked him one day does he hate me and he said if i hated you, you wouldn't be living with me. I believe he does hate me because the way he yells and curses at me when i upset him. I haven't done anything to make him proud of me so i can't be mad at him if he did hate me. My brother is 4 years younger than me and he graduated from college and he has his own place in a nice neighborhood. My brother used to have a Caddilac Escalade truck. I've never been able to afford to buy a nice car or truck. Every car i've had, my grandparents and my parents have given to me. I really hate my life and i don't believe it's ever gonna get better. I was thinking about doing some research on finding out if there's any job classes for people who have learning disabilities like myself. Do ya'll think there are job classes for people who are mentally slow like me? I don't want the government to take care of me because i hate welfare. I want a good job so i can get my own place and get a better car.



I used to live with my grandparents and i really let them down because i had a lot of low paying slavery jobs when i stayed with them. Plus i made some bad decisions like getting credit cards and not being able to pay them on time because i couldn't keep a job. My grandparents are dead now and i miss them and i wish i would've done good when they were alive.

I really hate my life and i don't believe it's ever gonna get better.

With that attitude, it won't.

You're being too hard on yourself. There's nothing wrong with wanting something more for yourself. I'm right there with you. But you've got to take action and you've got to adjust your attitude.

There are most certainly options for people "like you". But before you can succeed in anything you've got to stop putting yourself down. You are your greatest enemy and you are the only thing standing in your way. Everything else can be dealt with, if you only have the confidence to face it.

Well you have to get over your whole race thing first.

It seems the psychiatrist gave you his/her opinion. They gave you medication and you didn't take it. That is a professional person telling you their medical advice and you decided not to follow that advice. So, why are you asking us for advice? I just PM'd you with some advice and mentioned a person whose funeral I went to after they committed suicide and you asked me if the person who committed suicide was black??????? WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MATTER? She was a human being. It doesn't matter what color or race she is. It irks me that people ask for advice and then ignore it.

Yes, pills can help you think better. Pills aren't the answer to everyone's problems, but how do you know they won't help if you don't try? I used to think Paxil wasn't going to help my anxiety at all. I mean, how the hell can a pill make me stop being so scared?? But it did help. Not 100%, but quite a bit. It was a good thing I tried, because now I have no problem going to work everyday and I'm not afraid to leave the house and be "locked away" at work all day. So it can help if you at least give it a shot.

And like others have said, you can do anything if you put your mind to it. Starting out saying "I can't" dooms you for failure from the beginning. No matter how smart or dumb you are.

As far as jobs, have you ever considered the post office? If my dad isn't being a little over-the-top in what he tells me, anyone can work there, no matter how intelligent you are. He talks about some people who sound like they can barely read, so you have them beat for sure. And they have good wages and it's very diverse.

It seems the psychiatrist gave you his/her opinion. They gave you medication and you didn't take it. That is a professional person telling you their medical advice and you decided not to follow that advice. So, why are you asking us for advice? I just PM'd you with some advice and mentioned a person whose funeral I went to after they committed suicide and you asked me if the person who committed suicide was black??????? WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MATTER? She was a human being. It doesn't matter what color or race she is. It irks me that people ask for advice and then ignore it.



LMAO-LOL-LOL

It seems the psychiatrist gave you his/her opinion. They gave you medication and you didn't take it. That is a professional person telling you their medical advice and you decided not to follow that advice. So, why are you asking us for advice? I just PM'd you with some advice and mentioned a person whose funeral I went to after they committed suicide and you asked me if the person who committed suicide was black??????? WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MATTER? She was a human being. It doesn't matter what color or race she is. It irks me that people ask for advice and then ignore it.


Are you black? ;)

I feel for you i lived with my mom for a while due to crappy pay etc...i thought simular to you at one point but like everything in life things change and things can only get better.If your still on medication for depression or whatever i would try to ween yourself off them this is simply because you dont want to become reliable on them its just a drug,i hope things get better for you chin up!!! X;)

Are you black? ;)
Depends what day of the week it is. :lol:

Even though I feel what you said to Irene was extremely ignorant, I'm going to give you this advice because it can be beneficial.

About two years ago, I was put on an antidepressant. I wasn't interested in taking it because I didn't believe I was depressed, but my mom and doctor both said I was. So I took the pill and slowly with work, things seemed to get better for me. A few weeks ago, I ran out of this medication and forgot to tell my mom about it so she can call it in. This was on a Friday and for some reason, they were closed that Monday too. That weekend was the looongest weekend of my life. I felt very angry, tired, and I cried every 30 minutes, not to mention I had awful thoughts. It was terrible but it was also a turning point in my life. I realized maybe I do have a chemical imbalance and if I just stay on these meds, I will stay fine.

I know it's hard to think that a pill can't solve your problems, and you're right. You still have to do the work, but the pills can help. You just have to find the right one for you. Obviously, your doctor felt the need to put you on those meds and you refused to take them. You should give them another chance. You should also talk to someone about this racism. It is not healthy. I mean, quitting a job because of black people, come on.

I hope some of this helped you and you follow some of the advice we at SO gave you.

Even though I feel what you said to Irene was extremely ignorant, I'm going to give you this advice because it can be beneficial.

About two years ago, I was put on an antidepressant. I wasn't interested in taking it because I didn't believe I was depressed, but my mom and doctor both said I was. So I took the pill and slowly with work, things seemed to get better for me. A few weeks ago, I ran out of this medication and forgot to tell my mom about it so she can call it in. This was on a Friday and for some reason, they were closed that Monday too. That weekend was the looongest weekend of my life. I felt very angry, tired, and I cried every 30 minutes, not to mention I had awful thoughts. It was terrible but it was also a turning point in my life. I realized maybe I do have a chemical imbalance and if I just stay on these meds, I will stay fine.

I know it's hard to think that a pill can't solve your problems, and you're right. You still have to do the work, but the pills can help. You just have to find the right one for you. Obviously, your doctor felt the need to put you on those meds and you refused to take them. You should give them another chance. You should also talk to someone about this racism. It is not healthy. I mean, quitting a job because of black people, come on.

I hope some of this helped you and you follow some of the advice we at SO gave you.

This is a very mature additude, Kelly. Many people never will admit to themselves that medication could be a big help to them.

I went to see a psychiatrist last year because i'm concerned about my life because i think i'm gonna eventually end up homeless and that scares me because when your homeless, nobody cares about you and the government damn sure doesn't care about homeless people because they think every homeless person has a mental problem, are drug addicts and alcoholics and that's not true. I believe some homeless people do wanna have a better life but they don't know what to do to make their lives better. The psychiatrist told me that he thinks i have a.d.d. which is attention deficit disorder. He gave me some pills to take but i didn't take them because i don't believe that pills can make my brain think better. I'm depressed all the time and i think about suicide sometimes. I even talked to a suicide hotline and that didn't really help. I don't wanna go back to school because i never was a good student. I didn't get d's and f's a lot but i did get mostly c's and b's. I think my high school teachers just passed me along because i never caused trouble in class and i always did my homework but i think i didn't deserve to graduate on time. I just don't know what to do. I'm not good at any job skill besides cleaning and i'm tired of doing cleaning work because it doesn't pay enough for me to live in a nice neighborhood and drive a nice car which is what i want. I don't have any kids and i'm single. What should i do?

Please take your medication, Isiah. While I don't have A.D.D. and can't speak from experience in that regard, I do know.. all too well, what it's like to live with depression and that you've gotta keep up with your medication and therapy. No matter how well you think you're doing, no matter how much you start to feel better once you're on them at first, don't just stop taking them. Coming from my own experiences, the medicine has definately helped.

A few months ago I wasn't doing well at all, to say the least, and it's been very hard.. it's been pretty damn scary, but after what happened with me (a few months ago), I realize now that suicide is absolutely not the answer. It feels like it is, but it isn't. Also, keeping to yourself and shutting others out, especially those who care about you and love you, is not the answer at all, either. Sometimes, we end up learning that the hard way. I know I did. I'm sorry that you're going through this. I really and truly hope that you give what everybody has said a lot of thought and consideration. If there's just one person in your life that you can talk to, don't ever hesitate to go to them. If you need someone to live with, talk to them about what's going on. It doesn't mean you're worthless or can't make it on your own. We all need a little help sometimes.

Isiah, If you're not going to take the medication then may I suggest that you look into natural alternatives. I've been suffering from mild-moderate depression for years and I take St. Johns Wort for it. It's a safe natural alternative with no known side-effects. You can find it at any health food or drug store. It comes in several forms including pills, liquid etc.... I can tell you that I wouldn't be without it and that it has helped me tremendously but it's just like your medication, You have to take it everyday to see results.

St John's Wort has been used for years in many countries for the treatment of depression however a new but inconclusive study has shown that it might not be as effective for severe cases of depression. Natural alternatives are just like prescription meds in the fact that what's good for one person might not be for another. I would also suggest that you do your own research on St John's Wort and the meds your Dr. prescribed.

I'm not good at any job skill besides cleaning and i'm tired of doing cleaning work because it doesn't pay enough for me.

Are you working for someone else & if so, Have you ever considered starting your own cleaning service? I noticed that you live in Cleveland and with a city that big, There has to be a demand for your line of work. Cleaning contractors around here make good money, I know because I used to work for one myself.

I've "talked" to you many times on different threads and you are NOT stupid. I don't see any "lack of intelligence" one bit.

You may have other problems, but you are certainly not stupid at all. Please take the meds the doctor offered. They're not the kind that affect you like tranquilizers. They won't change your personality, they'll just settle the confusion in your mind so that you can focus on things. I think that's your problem. Believe me, I took Prozac for a couple of years and it, along with a good therapist and counselling made all the difference in the world.

From anything I've seen - you've got a really good head on your shoulders - you just need to find your way.

I think you're very astute - afterall, you clued in that Solomon is GAY! ;) :lol:

it seems to me like you're making excuses for your life instead of at least being open minded to some of the advice given to you.

I learned the hard way that if you ever want your life to get better, you have to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT and STOP WHINING.

A few months ago I wasn't doing well at all, to say the least, and it's been very hard.. it's been pretty damn scary, but after what happened with me (a few months ago), I realize now that suicide is absolutely not the answer. It feels like it is, but it isn't.

:( I think I know what you are saying here, Kate, and I just would like to say how terrible I feel that you were feeling this depressed. I am very glad that you are still with us. You are a special person and this board (and world) would never be the same without you.

I haven't posted on here in for ever but I guess I'll put my two cents in....


First, I think that you should try to look into some type of trade school if you're not into the whole college thing. You could make really good money in a relatively short period of time. Electricans, plummers, roofers all do pretty well.

I was in a situation similar to yours and it really depressed me for bit. I moved out on my own but had to move back with my mom for a year at age 25! I managed to clean my credit up and buy a house but at the time I felt so badly I didn't even want to date because I felt that I had nothing to offer. Now I realize that it wasn't that bad and that life is made of highs and lows. I'm a 27 y/o black woman and I understand the whole racism thing but you have to work with all types of people in this world so you might want to learn to suck it up for your own sanity. Also I think that your comments about not wanting to work with all black people because they are ignorant is more of a class thing rather than a race thing. Once you get that job that you want you'll find that people(black, white, purple) have better attitudes when they have something good going on. Try prayer. Please look into trade schools or google your local airport or high end department store or freight line like CSX or your local freight line. I hope that this helps:)

:( I think I know what you are saying here, Kate, and I just would like to say how terrible I feel that you were feeling this depressed. I am very glad that you are still with us. You are a special person and this board (and world) would never be the same without you.

I really only mentioned that because Isiah, and everybody else out there who's ever thought about it or tried, who's been that depressed at some point in their lives, needs to know that they aren't alone. :( Me, too. It's very kind of you to say that about me, Mike, and it means a lot. Thank you so much. :)

If you don't want to take prescription medication then I'll add another vote for St. John's Wort. If you don't find it helps, you can always go off of it. The side effects are almost non-existant.

I'd recommend the Nature's Resource/Nature Made brand of products. With natural/herbal medicine, the brand repudability is very important because it's your only real way to know that you are actually getting what you are buying (and the correct amount). Nature Made/Nature's Resource has met the USP-DSVP certified criteria and was the first to do so. - www.uspverified.org (http://www.uspverified.com)

http://naturemade.com/ProductDatabase/prd_prod.asp?productid=156

Haha, I sound like a paid spokesman but I really am an advocate of these natural things. You may be surprised as to what they can do.

It should also be pointed out that taking pills/herbs/ect does not constitute 'failure' on your part - if that is in any way a barrier to your treatment.

But like geez arent like most people depressed these days?

Thanks for the advice everybody. I'm gonna schedule a appointment again with a psychiatrist and i'm gonna go ahead and take the medication he gives me to see if it'll work. If it doesn't work, i wanna try another psychiatrist and see if i can get some tests run on my brain to see what's wrong with my brain and why i can't figure things out so i can get a good paying job. I wanna move outta my parents house so bad because my father gets on my nerves and i know he hates me and i hate him too. He had a talk with me this morning at 4:30am to talk about some stuff that i thought was stupid. He said to me that if he was a shrewd person, he'd put me outta his house. I don't know why he said that but he mentioned something else about the father's day card i gave him yesterday and i don't think he liked the card. I thought the card was funny. The card said that my dad shouldn't cut the grass, clean out the garage and wash his car because today is father's day. The card also said that if he won't do that stuff, i won't do it either. I guess he didn't like that because he likes to do those things and i guess he took offense to what the card said so he brought it to my attention this morning. I'm so sick of him threatening me talking about putting me outta his house. This isn't the first time he's threatened me about that. I didn't ask him to come get me from my grandparents house to move back in with him and my mom. That was his decision he made. I will be so glad when the day comes when i get me a good paying job so i can move outta my parents house because i'm tired of his sh*t.



What ya'll don't realize is that i have a serious brain problem. My brain is messed up and that's why i've never had a good paying job. I'm scared to apply for good paying jobs because i know i won't be able to keep a good paying job because i'll do something stupid or i won't figure something out so i can keep a job. Good paying jobs are a challenge and a supervisor isn't gonna tell me everything to do. If i can't do what my supervisor tells me, the supervisor is gonna hire somebody else who will do the job right. My dad thinks that i only wanna work low paying sh*tty jobs because that's all i can do and that's the truth. If i had the brains to get a good paying job, i would but i can't. I'm gonna wind up a homeless man and i'm gonna die at a young age. That's my reality. God forbid my parents die before me, i'm gonna be all alone on the streets which will lead to me killing myself because i'd rather die than live in a homeless shelter.

Well, seeing a psychiatrist is a step in the right direction. When you do that, you can then work on the other issues in your life that seem to be a symptom of what is going on with you mentally. Good Luck.

So glad to hear you're making the appointment Isiah. And you're right, if you don't feel comfortable with the first shrink, then move on until you find one you can really talk to. They're out there - and there's medication out there to help you. You just need to meet it halfway and have as positive an attitude towards it as you can. Luckily you do live in a day and age where this is available to us and they don't use shock treatments like they used to.

Get to the root of your problems - whether it is something medically wrong or your problems or a combination of both.

WE can see that you're worth it. The important thing is for you to be able to. Your relationship with your father will improve. If things have been tense between you recently, then that's why he probably took offensive to the Father's Day card. Maybe approach him again, and just say you're sorry - that it really wasn't meant the way it came across - you meant to be funny. That's a start at mending things. It's just your both adults and there's a point where the kids do need to go.
There must be some sort of trade you would like that you could train for - many pay well and they're in demand again. Enjoying what you're doing is half the battle.

Hang in there Buddy and keep us posted on your progress. :wave:

If i had a good paying job, i would've moved outta my parents house a long time ago. I hope my dad doesn't think i like living with him and my mom because i don't. I've made a lot of terrible decisions and done a lot of stupid things and that's why i know something is wrong with my brain because people with normal brains wouldn't do the stuff i've done. I used to do stupid stuff like give my brother's basketball cards away at school, throw away music albums, max out credit cards buying stuff i couldn't afford, pouring gas in a trash dumpster, pouring oil in a lawnmower when it didn't need oil. It never once crossed my mind when i was living with my grandparents that one day they were gonna die and i needed to be on my own. I just kept applying for low paying jobs expecting that my grandparents were always gonna be there for me when i lost a job so i would have a place to stay.

Sounds like you were never pushed or encouraged enough. I have a brother like that. My parents took it almost too easy on him. Bailed him out of a lot of trouble. He just got muddled on drugs and booze and was there with my father until the day my dad died. He then lived with friends but had a lot of trouble with relationships. I've begged him in the past to get help - nothing to be ashamed of but he's too lazy to get off his a$$ even to help himself.

It has to come from you. Looks like you can identify your past mistakes. Now just find out WHY you did stuff like that and you can work through and deal with it so it's not repeated. You'll gain self respect and it snowballs from there.

I really do not think you are mentally slow, at least you do not seem like it here. I would take the prescriptions as long as you do not become hooked on antidepressants; this happened to my grandmother and my aunt. Making bad decisions does not mean you have a bad brain, everyone makes bad decisions. Some of the most successful people in the world have made terrible decisions, but they overcome it and didnt let those bad decisions define what they would become. There are countless people who are making bad decisions everyday. At least you recognize that you have made bad decisions, there are many people who wont even take the time to recognize it, and those are the ones who have a messed up head, not the ones who know that they have made bad decisions.

I aways wondered if seeing a therapist was really the think to do when being depressed because they are getting PAID to see you so it's hard to really tell if they really care or just doing it for the money. I mean a pesron is really down in the dumps and now have to PAY to have someone hear what' going on.

I aways wondered if seeing a therapist was really the think to do when being depressed because they are getting PAID to see you so it's hard to really tell if they really care or just doing it for the money. I mean a pesron is really down in the dumps and now have to PAY to have someone hear what' going on.
Well actually in therapy it's more a case of being taught how to work through your problems. At first they'll have you list the top five things that are really bothering you, then you prioritize them and work through each one by one. You identify them, and are coached through learning whether or not they're your fault, partial fault or what caused you to act that way. The drugs basically clear your head so you can concentrate better (depression kills that) and calm down emotionally. Then along with therapy by someone who does at least appear to give a crap (that DOES help :lol: ) you can figure it out. Frankly, I didn't really give a damn or not whether my therapist cared, just that I could feel comfortable telling him my darkest secrets and issues and him being able to connect with me.

I aways wondered if seeing a therapist was really the think to do when being depressed because they are getting PAID to see you so it's hard to really tell if they really care or just doing it for the money. I mean a pesron is really down in the dumps and now have to PAY to have someone hear what' going on.
Well, don't go to one that's only in it for the money. There are therapists/psychiatrists out there that do their job because they care to see people healthy.

I have a relative that's a very good doctor and much in demand. He can get a job anywhere, but for a very long time, he chose to stay at the county run hospital, making only half of what he's worth, because he wasn't in it for the money. They are out there.

My therapist is actually a licensed social worker working for the county, so she's not exactly rolling in the dough. And she listens to anything I tell her.

I used to do stupid stuff like give my brother's basketball cards away at school, throw away music albums, max out credit cards buying stuff i couldn't afford, pouring gas in a trash dumpster, pouring oil in a lawnmower when it didn't need oil. It never once crossed my mind when i was living with my grandparents that one day they were gonna die and i needed to be on my own. I just kept applying for low paying jobs expecting that my grandparents were always gonna be there for me when i lost a job so i would have a place to stay.

Let's be honest...haven't we all done dumb things like that? Gosh, I see at least one person everyday I go out that's doing something I think is just stupid, and these people look perfectly normal. And the maxing out your cards....oh, I bet you 1/8 of the US population has done that.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Making mistakes is how people learn.

Well i don't think a job supervisor is gonna have sympathy for me when i apply for a good paying job and i tell the supervisor that i have a hard time figuring things out. You know what the supervisor is gonna tell me? I'm sorry sir but i'm gonna have to hire somebody who has experience and can do the job. I don't wanna get a check from the government to take care of myself because i know it's not gonna be enough money for me to take care of myself. I'd rather work than get a government check. I'm just so damn frustrated trying to get a good paying job. I can't even keep a damn job at Target and Walmart because i got fired from both of those jobs because my supervisors told me i was too slow stocking the shelves with merchandise. I applied for a job at Burger King before and i got interviewed but i never received a call to let me know if i got the job. The manager told me he had a job position for wiping off the trays and wiping off tables. I don't wanna do that because i know it doesn't pay enough and it's demeaning work. I thought he was gonna tell me he had a position for me helping to prepare the food or be a cashier. I never wanted to work at a fast food place but when your desperate for money, you apply for jobs you really don't want especially when you only have a high school education. If i don't get a better paying job soon, i'm gonna be very upset because not getting a better paying job is really starting to bother me and depress me. I want to move outta my parents house and be on my own so i don't have to deal with my father.



My father had a conversation with me last week asking me do i plan on working these 2 jobs i have now the rest of my life. I told him no. So then he asked me what am i gonna do because he said it seems to him that i'm content with the jobs i have. I told him i don't wanna go back to school because i never was a good student and i'm terrible at studying. I really need help bad and i don't know who i'm gonna turn to for help. I need some real money so i can take care of myself because the money i'm making now at both of my jobs isn't enough for me to take care of a car and be on my own. If my car was to break down right now, i'd be in trouble because i don't have any money to get it fixed. If my car got stolen, i wouldn't have any money to buy another car. This type of stuff really bothers me and this is why i know something is wrong with my brain because if nothing was wrong with my brain, i'd have a good paying job and a place of my own. I don't know how to fix a flat car tire. I got a car jack to fix a flat tire but i wouldn't know how to fix it even though my dad has shown me how to do it several times. I don't have a cellphone because i can't afford one and i need one just in case my car breaks down on the freeway so i can call triple A. Ya'll pray for me and i'll be praying because i don't think i'm gonna live long especially if i don't get a better job by next year. I wanna quit my 2nd job because it pays bullsh*t money and i'm tired of doing janitorial work. I want just one job. It would be nice for a change to come home and relax and watch tv after working just one job because i've worked 2 jobs most of my life.

I meant to say that i don't make enough money to get my car fixed if it needed getting fixed instead of saying i don't have any money to get it fixed. One time my car wouldn't start when i was about to leave from my first job and i needed a battery because the battery i had was old. I didn't even have enough money to buy a battery. I was lucky my dad bought a battery for me. See this is the type of situation i'm talking about. My parents aren't gonna be around forever and i need to take care of situations like this when this stuff happens and i can't do it because of my financial situation.