Do any of you ever worry about getting shot, and taken away from the ones you love?? I worry about it quite a bit actually. I've been in so many physical confrontations in the 9 years that I've lived in my current neighborhood, and have had several close calls. Iv'e been robbed, had a knife pulled on me, been surrounded by people calling me racial slurs a couple times, and much more, but fortunately, it's never gone beyond that, and I've never gotten hurt. I think it's because my mom's boyfriend is friends with one of the main gang members in our neighborhood's mom, so most of the people here know not to mess with me since they respect her and my mom's bf, and he's like a father to me. He worries when I go out at nightime though, because he did 10 years in prison, and has been shot three times, and stabbed several more, and so he knows how dangerous it is out there. Since I'm a nighttime person, and have insomnia, I sometimes want to go to the Shell station to get a coke or something, and even though I'm never really too scared, I'll admit, everytime I hear a car slowly creeping behind me, my heart rate picks up, and I get a little scared, just waiting for that loud bang which could inevitably be the last sound I ever hear. :( One thing that's good though, is that I always pray before I go out, and I often wear my crucifix, although it's broken now, so I just carry it in my pocket.

Anyway, the reason I bring all this up, is because it's almost 2:00 am, and I'm about to go to Shell to get a coke, and for some reason, it just came to me, what if this were the last walk to Shell I ever took?? I started thinking about how Christmas is coming up, and about my family, as well as my friends here at S.O., who I'd never get to talk to again. I started thinking about how I'd never get to see Rocky Balboa in the theatres, and how things would be at S.O. a month from now, when many of my friends here would be asking: whatever happened to Little Mel?? :( It actually even made my eyes a little watery. This has been a really tough year for me in many ways, but even moreso, it has been a really good one, as I've made so many improvements with myself in every way, and I just realized not so long ago for the first time that you know what, I actually don't want to die like I always thought I did before, I want to live. :) Living is good, even when it sometimes doesn't feel like it, because as long as there's life, there's hope that things can change, and I'm a perfect example of that. And if you don't believe me, send me a P.M. asking me where I was two years ago, compared to where I am today, and you'll see what I mean. God has been soooo good to me, and I'm glad I'm finally realizing that!!

I know this is corny, and maybe it's just my time of the month, (As I often say to my mom when I get like this,) but to all my close friends here at S.O., and you all know who you are, I love you all very very much, and you have each added to my life in more ways then I could ever explain!!! I never had many friends growing up as a kid, Infact, I can count those friends on one hand, but I can honestly say that Iv'e made more friends with the kind people at S.O. then I had in all my school days combined, and that was something I absolutely needed, both for my confidence, and for my sanity, and I THANK YOU, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY :heart: everyone, for your love, and friendship. It very possibly saved my life!! Certainly made it 1000 times better!!! :):):)

Alrighty then, enough with all this emotional, where is my box of tissues stuff. :lol: Now let me get back to my normal goofy self. :banana: :woohoo: :mooner: ;)

No worries, as the Kinks used to sing: "Show a little bit of emotion....people are afriad to show their emotions...". My late dad used to say: "It's harder staying alive than dying", but anyway HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES........


http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d113/dragster-2/XMASWARManimatedgreetingpic.gif

No worries, as the Kinks used to sing: "Show a little bit of emotion....people are afriad to show their emotions...". My late dad used to say: "It's harder staying alive than dying", but anyway HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES........


http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d113/dragster-2/XMASWARManimatedgreetingpic.gif

Thanks so much Dragster58, that really is kind of you. And Happy Holidays to you and your loved ones too!!! I wish you all the happiness in the world, and a great year to come!! :wave:

Btw, I love that picture. It's cozy, and puts me in the Holiday Spirit!! :)

Thank you very much LM!!

Going to a convenience store in the middle of the night is dangerous. Is a Coke worth your life?ohno:

I have had these same recurring thoughts in my head as well Brad! Not because I have been in the kind of situations that you have, simply because I have this crazy ass feeling that I will die some crazy death. I have this same nightmare at least four to five times a year that I am being shot and/or stabbed. The horrible part is, I continue to breathe and I am suffering. I can't get help, I am all alone. When I have this nightmare, I wake up in a sweat and my breathing is very rapid and my heartbeat is beating a 1000 times a minute. It is awful. I don't know why I have these nightmares. It's not the exact dream each time, but the result is the same. I wonder if I will be an old lady and get stabbed in my home. I wonder if I will be out somewhere and someone will try to rob me and shoot me. It's a freakish feeling I let go, but when I have those nightmares, it will bother me for days.

My Nightmares consist of an Home invasion. I don;t know why I always think about that because i don;t live in the GHETTO so i think it's watching all that local news

I think I am generally scared of dying young before I get to accomplish personal milestones in my own life.

Freddie used to sing the sad "Who wants to live forever".....he sang that one for obvious personal reasons that we all know, but the lyrics are emblematic...I always give it deep thought!!

There's no time for us,
There's no place for us,
What is this thing that builds our dreams, yet slips away from us

Who wants to live forever,
Who wants to live forever?
There's no chance for us,
It's all decided for us,
This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us

Who wants to live forever,
Who dares to love forever,
Who dare who dare,
Who wants to live forever,
When love must die

So touch my tears with your lips,
Touch my world with your fingertips,
And we can have forever,
And we can have forever,
Forever is our today,
Who wants to live forever,
Who wants to live forever,
Forever is our today,
Who waits forever anyway?

I think I am generally scared of dying young before I get to accomplish personal milestones in my own life.


Yeah, me too. If I were to die now I don't think that I would be leaving a whole lot behind.

No, for me it's the other way around. I worry about my loved ones being taken away from me. I've never been afraid of my own death as long as there is no physical pain.

No, for me it's the other way around. I worry about my loved ones being taken away from me. I've never been afraid of my own death as long as there is no physical pain.

I tend to worry more about the pain my family would go through losing me, then the pain I'd go through losing them. As much as I'd be devastated losing one of them, the thought of my family having to deal with my death is unbearable to me. That is why I've made so many changes to my life, and why I don't nearly put myself at risk the way I use to. Because I realize that the ones who would hurt the most, would be my family.

In response to Penny Lane's comments, you're right, getting a Coke at 2:00 am probably isn't the smartest idea, which is why I don't do it as often anymore. I use to be out at that hour 5 days a week, for three hours at a time, since I never went out in the daytime. Now I just take a 15 minute walk to the store about once or twice a week, so atleast it's not like it was. It's tough though when night after night you're awake, and can't sleep, and have nothing in the fridge. Maybe I ought to start stocking up on beverages so my fridge won't be empty at 2:00 am. LOL!! There's an idea huh?? :lol: Sad thing is, lately, it's been almost as dangerous going out in the daytime in my neighborhood, as it has been at night. :( Fortunately, the people in the drug house next door moved away, and the ones across the street are in the process of moving, so atleast positive changes seem to be happening.

Anyway, the point in the thread was my realization of how fragile life can truly be, and so I just felt the desire to tell the people I care about how I feel about them. I even did the same with my mom and her boyfriend this morning, and I think that's something everyone should do from time to time. You just never know if you'll have that chance tomorrow.

Hope you are more careful Brad...not seeing you on the board is like a day without sunshine. Your friendship and your deep sincere attitude towards your friends shows immensely, even on a board. Your PM's and emails are very thought provoking and a nice thing to receive.
BE CAREFUL AND GOD BLESS.

Yeah, me too. If I were to die now I don't think that I would be leaving a whole lot behind.

That's the thing though. When people are alive, they often think that, but oftentimes when they die, it's apparant how untrue that is. My mom had a guy from her nursing home that nobody there really cared for. He kept to himself, and didn't seem very friendly at all. When he ended up dying, they had a service for him. They weren't expecting much from it, but the turn out for it was absolutely incredible, and amazed everyone!! It ended up being one of the biggest turn outs they ever had at her work for a memorial service. The things that many of the workers and fellow residents found out about this guy, and the amount of people he had touched, and the amazing things he had done for so many people throughout the course of his life, absolutely shocked, and inspired everyone, and had most of the workers in tears.

Just based on all the people here at S.O. who seem to really care for you, I can pretty much guarantee you that you'd be leaving alot behind. If this many people care for you here, then I can only imagine how many people care for you out in the real world. I don't know you too well, and this is just my opinion, but I have a feeling you'd be leaving behind alot more than you think Mike!!

No, Brad, I have my angels looking after your butt; you are one of the dearest human beings I have ever met; you are definitely one in a million, my friend!
I say a prayer everytime I start to drive my car, I have seen a lot of people killed on the freeway, terrible crashes, here in LA and while I was growing up in San Diego. I also had a brother, whom died young, and my mom being sick, has made me truly value life more; though, I do worry about death ( it is only human to have such fears). I try, to live life to the fullest, and enjoy the blessings that God has given me:)

Thanks so much for the kind words Tara, you know they mean the world to me. I pray for you, as well as a number of my friends including Janice, TripperFan, Irene, Jen, Brian Damage, and others, often as well. You're absolutely right, prayers are powerful, and they definitely aleviate our fears. I'm so sorry to hear about your brother!! :( I never knew that. And I know this has been a tough year for you with your mom being sick, and I'm so happy she's doing better now. I know you, her, and your dad will have a beautiful Christmas Day together!! Please give them both a hug for me. They deserve one for raising such a great daughter!!! :hug:

Hope you are more careful Brad...not seeing you on the board is like a day without sunshine. Your friendship and your deep sincere attitude towards your friends shows immensely, even on a board. Your PM's and emails are very thought provoking and a nice thing to receive.
BE CAREFUL AND GOD BLESS.

Awww, thank you sooo much Irene. And let me just tell you, not seeing you on the boards would have that same affect on me. Even when you take a two day break or something, things just don't seem right around here to me. And I think most everyone here can vouch for that!! Like I said, I have definitely been more careful then I had been in years past, and I will continue to be even more careful in the future. Now that my life is so good, I see that I have so much to live for. Before I use to go out to the worst neighborhoods at 3:00 am, hoping to get killed, but now I always pray before I go to bed that God will give me one more day to live. What a difference a couple years makes. :D But I promise you Irene, I will definitely be more careful!!! Thanks for your concern, and kindness!! :hug:

I'm sorry that you're worrying about that Brad. I know what it's like to worry like that. Even though I try not to I tend to worry because of the robbery from last year. While I'm doing better now than I was at this time last year as far a s being scared, I'm still not how I was emotionally before it happened. I still get really scared sometimes and it's hard to not panic at times when people walk past me or near me. I think what's really sad is that my sense of safety was stolen along with my purse. I worry more about my mother now because of the robbery and her health problems. I worry more now about her dying than I did before. She thinks that she might now have another blood clot. :( :( :( Having known someone who died at a young age, twenty-one, it can make you sometimes worry if you will die young also. I know what you mean about wanting to live. :)

I am so very sorry about the pain that you've gone through in the past couple years Jen. :( As you know, I can definitely relate to alot of what you went through, and are going through with my mom's heart problems, and the being held at knife point. Those things can certainly be scary as hell, and life altering. God is with you though everyday!! I pray for you often, and happen to know that He and his Angels are watching out for you and your family each and everyday. It is obvious to me how much you love your mom, and so I just want you to know that I will definitely raise my prayer activity for her. She is obviously a good woman who I admire and respect, because she did such a great job raising you!! :) I'm not blowing smoke either, that's the truth. You have been a good and true friend, and so I will also be praying more for you my friend. I know this has been a rough year for you, and so my hope and prayer for you is that this upcoming year will turn out much much better. I truly believe it will. God Bless You Jen!! :) :wave: :hug:

I know this is off topic, but I wish for everyone all the happiness in the world for 2007; may you find LOVE, HAPPINESS, Be BLESSED WITH GOOD HEALTH, FIND THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, or if you are in love with someone, may that person also fall in love with you!; just wish that all the dreams and desires of everyone become a reality in 2007!!!

Life is short, go out and enjoy it as much as possible; no, your fears are not going to go away, but place everything in perspective; just thank the Lord for the good (and the bad) days, and praise that you are alive and that you have people in your life that love you (more than you think):)
What a beautiful and thoughtful post. I too wish everyone here and abroad a Happy Holiday, a healthy New Year and may we all be here again next year. May the Lord's blessings be with all of you whether you need Him or not. I know my life would be empty without the Good Lord watching over me and my loved ones.
Tara, let me say I am sorry for what has happened to you in your life. The loss of your brother reminds me of my nephew whom I lost in a car accident at the precious age of 12 in 1985. It was that tragedy that opened up my eyes that life is TOO PRECIOUS and life is too short to let the little things get to us. Tara, thanks to you for your sense of humor and your great outlook on life.
I know that at this time, Janice (moderator) opened up a few weeks back abt the loss of her parents and the struggle she continues dealing with regarding that loss and the other family tragedies she has been dealt. Holidays can be the worse for those who are dealing with family loss, family problems, etc. and it is for those who are in this situation that I offer my prayers and thoughts that you may be able to get through the holidays and also, know that there are others who may be in the same situation as you and we know how you feel. You are not alone.
To Jen, I am really feeling for you right now and please know that you and your family are in my prayers. Dealing with illness especially with a loved one is a tough thing to have to deal with. Be strong and know that we are here for you and thank you for your wonderful threads and the joy you bring to this board.

Brad, I can definitely say that this place would be empty without you! I don't know you too well, but from what I've seen, you are a genuinely thoughtful and kind person who has a big heart (and that is the most important quality any one can have!) So, just know you are loved and appreciated around here!


Reading this thread has made me feel better about things, actually. It helped me put my problems in to perspective, and appreciate the fact that I'm alive (and have a roof over my head and people that love me).

So, thank you all! Happy holidays, everyone! :D :wave:

No, for me it's the other way around. I worry about my loved ones being taken away from me. I've never been afraid of my own death as long as there is no physical pain.
same here. i always worry about my family. ive worried about me in the past too, though.

I think about dying, although I tend to worry more about how I'd deal with losing someone or something I loved.

Of all the fantastic descriptions I've heard of the afterlife, though, I'm not afraid to go there (although I am afraid of the way I might die; I don't want it to be a horrible death.) But I've heard so many great things about the afterlife. I've read that it's a lot like here, except that there's no negativity, everyone likes each other, nobody is judgmental, and they have all the forms of entertainment - excellent social lives, music, sports, etc. They're supposedly frequently active and boredom doesn't exist!

Brad I can honestly say that SO wouldn't be the same without you. You are one of the nicest members here and I always enjoy reading your posts. :)

I haven't thought about my own death in quite a long time.. When I was younger I was depressed a lot and never thought I'd live to be that old in the first place. I thought about suicide quite a lot. I never had very many friends in school and I was shy and more of a loner. Meeting everybody here has definately been a positive experience. I have more friends here then I ever did during my school days. . Ever since my Mom died though I have thought a lot about death again but it's more of my family's death. I just don't know if I could survive if something happened to one of them. The Holiday's are especially a difficult time for me.

Hey, Brad... maybe you should move out here... there is no crime where I live. :wink2:

Hey, Brad... maybe you should move out here... there is no crime where I live. :wink2:
I can vouch for that!:lol:

Brad, thank you for your kind words. :)

I can vouch for that!:lol:
Yeah, no crime where you live, too. :)
A few years ago, the cities of Thousands Oaks, Simi Valley and Santa Clarita were in the top 15 for cities of over 100,000 population with the lowest crime rates.

Well, I love you, Sonny. I am glad that you are my friend and an important person in my life, you are someone who has made me smile over the years, a definitely a HIGHLIGHT of my experience at SO; without you being here, I would had given up on this board a long time ago. I think you are wonderful!
And your mom was blessed to have such a FANASTIC person for a son. I am sure, she is smiling down from heaven as we speak:)
Awwww Thank you Tara. That's one of the nicest things anyones ever said to me. :) Thank you so much for being a great friend. You have made me laugh so much over the years too. If you hadn't invited me to join your Random thread 3 years ago I doubt I would have made as many friends as I have. You are a special person. :)

I read a bit of this thread, and I'll read more of it later down the road. I'm really hurting this time of year due to a series of losses...and this year, I'm hurting physically too.

I just want to say that you guys are the sweetest people going. I've made such wonderful friends here. Such caring, thoughtful people. :)

No, for me it's the other way around. I worry about my loved ones being taken away from me. I've never been afraid of my own death as long as there is no physical pain.
Yeah, me too. If everyone around me died, I'd probably kill myself anyway, so...

Though I do worry about going into banks and gas stations and getting shot.

I read a bit of this thread, and I'll read more of it later down the road. I'm really hurting this time of year due to a series of losses...and this year, I'm hurting physically too.

Oh, I'm sorry about that, Janice. Maybe it would help if we all sent positive thoughts each other's way. I've heard that the power of the mind is stronger than we think.

POSITIVE THOUGHTS TO EVERYONE AT SO! :)

I just don't know if I could survive if something happened to one of them.

That's exactly how I feel and I know that when my parents are gone. I don't think i'll want to celebrate the holidays much, if at all.

Yes, I think about it alot since the age of ten when my own mother was killed by my father by his bare hands and a butcher knife. I always had that fear that someone is got to kill me. I have trust issues and if I see someone who looks like they can be on Cops or America's Most Wanted walking down the street or near me, I speed walk to either my car or in a well lit area. I'm careful not to drive my car in bad areas(I own a Benz) because my friend who mad the mistake of doing so was held at gun point and got robbed right then and there. So yeah, i'm totally scared, especially for the sake of my girls.