Yes, another one of my themed threads....

But anyway - how easily are you to forgive and forget when you are trying to force something your way and the other person is fed up with you. Then, there is name calling on both ends out of anger and frustration.

Can time heal wounds so that later when things are calmer, explanations and apologies are in order? Why? Why not?

Anyone have a similar story to share? Especially dealing with people you know. I'd like to hear any sides of similiar situations and/or your opinions and what you have seen (with you and with others around you).

I very easily forgive and do my best to forget, which is harder. Because sometimes the memories of the hurts resurface and it's painful. When that happens, I just remind myself that I have forgiven them, and that helps a lot.

I forgive after a few days, but I NEVER forget!

I will forgive close family members and friends. I never forget.

I do neither unless it's a loved one...no including my moron cousin. Everyone else is SOL.

I easily forgive but I don't ever forget.

I never forgive or forget. No matter what.

It really depends on the situation. If my friend Sarahpuff took my shirt or whatever without asking, I forgive and forget really quickly. However, If it's something like the things my mother does, I never do.

I do neither unless it's a loved one...no including my moron cousin. Everyone else is SOL.

I am basically the same way

I will only forgive & forget in certain situations with certain members of family or very close friends. Everybody else is SOL.

I can never stay mad at someone for one certain thing for long. I get over fights so easily.

Everybody else is SOL.

Sorry, can I just ask what SOL means?

Sorry, can I just ask what SOL means?

"Sorry, out-of-luck" (The "sorry" can also be substituted with an expletive of your choice).

"Sorry, out-of-luck" (The "sorry" can also be substituted with an expletive of your choice).

There is a state wide test all the schools in Virginia take also known as SOL, (Standards of Learning). It is funny because we all makes jokes about it saying things like if you fail your SOL test you are SOL. The same dumb jokes are just as funny every year we take the test. Which reminds me, I never have to take those tests again.

Sorry, can I just ask what SOL means?
Sh*t outta luck :lol:

If you're unsure of what a slang word means, you can look it up on Urban Dictionary, at www.urbandictionary.com. That site is AWESOME!

Thanks for your replies. I think most of you missed the second part of my question - why or why not? Why do you do one or the other and/or not both? I like reading your answers, but I was hoping to receive more people's inputs on the second half of the question. Was there something someone did to you to make you think that, or?

I just sorta wanted to read a lot of different opinions since everyone is unique. ;)

Okay kids, gather round and TJL will tell you a story of forgiveness and closure.
This happened over this past weekend.
I was in NJ visiting my parents, who after 33 years are moving out of thier home (where i grew up) and settling down in a nice condo near my sister a few towns over.
Since the move is in a month, there is a lot of old junk to go through. I was looking through some boxes of my stuff in my old bedroom closet, when I came across a box of old picutres, and what did i see at the top of the pile?

Pics of me my "old flame," when we met almost 20 years ago!

You veteran Sitcoms Online posters will remember my brief reunion with my old flame about four years ago. It was a whirlwind romance full of passion and other R rated hijinks, until she disappeared and stopped taking my calls.
You might remember that when we did reconnect a few months later, things went from bad to worse, and i vowed never to have any contact with her again.
Well kids, as you know, TJL can be a stupid man sometimes.
I guess I was feeling a bit nostalgic, and the old pictures made me wonder about her. She had a few "problems" lets say, so I was curious to find out if she's doing okay.
So I scanned a pic of us and e-mailed it to her. Modern technology is great, isn't it?
Later that day i got a reply from her. She's doing fine, living in New Jersey. Same job, new place, yadda yadda.
We traded several e mails over the weekend. Most of it was light hearted catching up stuff, but I had to know some things...
I told her I debated whether I should contact her, since things ended poorly for us. I told her that I was mad at her for a really long time (years, people!) and part of me just wanted to dump the pictures and never look back.

And then she did something I never expected. She apologized.

She told me she was truly sorry for what she did to me. She was going through a lot of emotional turmoil back then, and I unfortunatly got caught up in it. She never meant to hurt me, and was ashamed for the way she shut me out and vanished from my life. She was truly amazed that after what she had done, I would even bother to contact her by sending such a nice gift.

And then I did something I never expected. i forgave her.

All I wanted was an explanation and an apology. I told her that's all I wanted to hear (along with her whereabouts and present well being) and things were now even between us.

We promised we would stay in touch, but I don't know about that.
Maybe this chapter is finally closed.
I'm kinda sad it is, because she was someone I could have spent the rest of my life with.
But that's probably not going to happen.
And you know what? I'm okay with that. Time to move on.

;)

Wow, TJL. What an interesting story. Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed reading what your thoughts are, what happened, and your current thoughts. That is something interesting that she apologized and you had the heart to forgive her. That's courage, indeed.

I think it depends on the situation and how much I care about the person who has wronged me. If it's a family member or close friend (most likely my very best friend in the whole world), I am more apt to forgive (I rarely ever forget the situation if it's serious enough).

However, if someone else does something upsetting, I may hold a grudge for a long while until enough time passes to heal the wound. Like I said, it's very hard for me to 'just forget'. But I may forgive if enough time passes :)

I think it all depends on the situation. Their are some people from my school days that I have never forgiven and I doubt I ever will. On the otherhand most of the time I am able to forgive because we all make mistakes and I know I'm not perfect. Forgetting is the hard part ...I haven't completely mastered that yet.

The Bible says in order for God to forgive you, you must forgive others. Though it's hard sometimes, I do forgive and try to forget. Life is too short to be bitter and hold a grudge.

Lord knows I'm not perfect and Lord knows I have made plenty of mistakes in my life with friends, family and loved ones. When it comes to forgiving, no matter how hurt I've been I am able to forgive. Forgetting? Yeah, I've learned to do that... as one person told me, you need to learn how to move on and just forget.

Lord knows I'm not perfect and Lord knows I have made plenty of mistakes in my life with friends, family and loved ones. When it comes to forgiving, no matter how hurt I've been I am able to forgive. Forgetting? Yeah, I've learned to do that... as one person told me, you need to learn how to move on and just forget.

Well put! :)

Okay kids, gather round and TJL will tell you a story of forgiveness and closure.
This happened over this past weekend.
I was in NJ visiting my parents, who after 33 years are moving out of thier home (where i grew up) and settling down in a nice condo near my sister a few towns over.
Since the move is in a month, there is a lot of old junk to go through. I was looking through some boxes of my stuff in my old bedroom closet, when I came across a box of old picutres, and what did i see at the top of the pile?

Pics of me my "old flame," when we met almost 20 years ago!

You veteran Sitcoms Online posters will remember my brief reunion with my old flame about four years ago. It was a whirlwind romance full of passion and other R rated hijinks, until she disappeared and stopped taking my calls.
You might remember that when we did reconnect a few months later, things went from bad to worse, and i vowed never to have any contact with her again.
Well kids, as you know, TJL can be a stupid man sometimes.
I guess I was feeling a bit nostalgic, and the old pictures made me wonder about her. She had a few "problems" lets say, so I was curious to find out if she's doing okay.
So I scanned a pic of us and e-mailed it to her. Modern technology is great, isn't it?
Later that day i got a reply from her. She's doing fine, living in New Jersey. Same job, new place, yadda yadda.
We traded several e mails over the weekend. Most of it was light hearted catching up stuff, but I had to know some things...
I told her I debated whether I should contact her, since things ended poorly for us. I told her that I was mad at her for a really long time (years, people!) and part of me just wanted to dump the pictures and never look back.

And then she did something I never expected. She apologized.

She told me she was truly sorry for what she did to me. She was going through a lot of emotional turmoil back then, and I unfortunatly got caught up in it. She never meant to hurt me, and was ashamed for the way she shut me out and vanished from my life. She was truly amazed that after what she had done, I would even bother to contact her by sending such a nice gift.

And then I did something I never expected. i forgave her.

All I wanted was an explanation and an apology. I told her that's all I wanted to hear (along with her whereabouts and present well being) and things were now even between us.

We promised we would stay in touch, but I don't know about that.
Maybe this chapter is finally closed.
I'm kinda sad it is, because she was someone I could have spent the rest of my life with.
But that's probably not going to happen.
And you know what? I'm okay with that. Time to move on.

;)

wow. I don't think I would ever quit being mad.

Well put! :)

Hey, thanks! :)

wow. I don't think I would ever quit being mad.

I thought the same thing, but I realized it was just eating me up inside. I was going to spend the rest of my life angry at this girl?
Either you find peace with the situation and move on, or you stay where you are.
The latter is just not healthy.

Okay kids, gather round and TJL will tell you a story of forgiveness and closure.
That's nice the way things worked out. It feels good to make up with someone you've been on the outs with. Even if there's no further contact, you got the closure you needed.

Now e:mail me that picture. ;)

Can forgive certain people. Will never forget! I can hold grudges forever!!

Though it may take me a little while I tend to be able to forgive people and forget. I think it is pointless to carry grudges. And I feel it is important to forgive others for their mistakes because I am faarrrr from perfect myself.

Can forgive certain people. Will never forget! I can hold grudges forever!!

I'm the same way. I couldn't care less whether they're pointless or not.

Can forgive certain people. Will never forget! I can hold grudges forever!!


Holding grudges isn't healthy though. When you hold grudges you keep a lot of anger bottled up inside and that eats away at your soul.

Holding grudges isn't healthy though. When you hold grudges you keep a lot of anger bottled up inside and that eats away at your soul.
I have no soul!! LOL!! I don't care if holding grudges eats away at me.

Try telling me why I shouldn't hold a grudge against my mom. The woman is pure evil and no matter how much I try I can't help but hold a grudge against her. Having her wake me up at 2 in the morning so she can yell at me when she is drunk. Pushing me thru a sliding glass door. Multiple beatings when I was young. All because she is an alcoholic. I can and have forgiven her. But the grudges run deep and I refuse to let go of them. I haven't talked to her in over 6 years. Can go another 60 years without talking to her.

Thank God for my father. He was the best and rescued me from her after the years of abuse...

I have no soul!! LOL!! I don't care if holding grudges eats away at me.

Try telling me why I shouldn't hold a grudge against my mom. The woman is pure evil and no matter how much I try I can't help but hold a grudge against her. Having her wake me up at 2 in the morning so she can yell at me when she is drunk. Pushing me thru a sliding glass door. Multiple beatings when I was young. All because she is an alcoholic. I can and have forgiven her. But the grudges run deep and I refuse to let go of them. I haven't talked to her in over 6 years. Can go another 60 years without talking to her.

Thank God for my father. He was the best and rescued me from her after the years of abuse...


All I can say about the situation with your mom is that I am really sorry that you had to deal with that. :( I guess in a case like this I can understand you holding a grudge.

Depends on who the person is.

Forgive sounds good, forget I don't think I could. They say time heals everything, but I'm still waiting.

I see what those of you who have given descriptions are saying. Thanks for your input.

I am also sorta hoping for some advice. I have attempted to send an apologetic and "no hard feelings?" email to this person. I have not received a reply or received a bounce backed email. Needless to say, I don't know if this person really was not bluffing this time and really has blocked my email or if they just didn't want to respond. I haven't seen them logged onto MSN IM, so I think this person isn't using their profile with the MSN IM at their startup menu, or they haven't turned their computer on. Maybe they went camping? Who knows.

Would it be good for me to use another email account to try and apologize to this person, or would they just feel angrier as it is? I'm not their favorite person at the moment, but I wanted to send this message and hope for no hard feelings. So, how should I do this? What's the best plan of action for me to get ahold of them? I can only get ahold of them online, by the way.

I see what those of you who have given descriptions are saying. Thanks for your input.

I am also sorta hoping for some advice. I have attempted to send an apologetic and "no hard feelings?" email to this person. I have not received a reply or received a bounce backed email. Needless to say, I don't know if this person really was not bluffing this time and really has blocked my email or if they just didn't want to respond. I haven't seen them logged onto MSN IM, so I think this person isn't using their profile with the MSN IM at their startup menu, or they haven't turned their computer on. Maybe they went camping? Who knows.

Would it be good for me to use another email account to try and apologize to this person, or would they just feel angrier as it is? I'm not their favorite person at the moment, but I wanted to send this message and hope for no hard feelings. So, how should I do this? What's the best plan of action for me to get ahold of them? I can only get ahold of them online, by the way.
From reading your post I would definitely say to stay away. They obviously don't want to talk to you and using another email address would only make them angrier. It would also boarder on stalking. My advice is to just sit back and relax. Give it time and maybe they will forgive. Whatever ou do, learn from your mistake and don't make the same mistake again.

I try hard to forgive and forget because I know it's what the Lord wants us to do, but it's so difficult sometimes, especially when someone does something that really hurts me.

Yes, another one of my themed threads....

But anyway - how easily are you to forgive and forget when you are trying to force something your way and the other person is fed up with you. Then, there is name calling on both ends out of anger and frustration.

Can time heal wounds so that later when things are calmer, explanations and apologies are in order? Why? Why not?

Anyone have a similar story to share? Especially dealing with people you know. I'd like to hear any sides of similiar situations and/or your opinions and what you have seen (with you and with others around you).


I tend to size people up in the first few minutes of meeting them, I can "feel" wether they are a good person or not. So far this method has been wrong once, this & gaydar are my best tools. This way I do not get involved or befriend someone that gives me bad vibes. Typically if you screw me I do not try to get even, I just put that incident into my "vault" and never forget, from then on I know who to trust.

I do realize that people are human by nature and they usually make mistakes, but if someone is too weak to do the right thing or make the situation right they are not for me.