Hey kids, TJL here.

Once again, I'm returning to what I love to do best here at Sitcoms Online - telling you crazy mixed up people what to do.

Got a problem? A Query? An issue?
I'm your man.
Need some advice? Some counsel? A quick and easy egg salad recipe for that barbeque this weekend?
Ask me! Your man.
Have a deep dark secret you have never ever told anyone even your best friend who constantly bitches because you never share your secrets with her?
Again, me. Man.

Last time, "Dear TJL" helped thousands* of Sitcoms Online Members with thier woes. Fears were conquered, souls were mended, and at least one person was reuinited with his long lost Dad!**

So come on! Ask a question and TJL will provide an answer! Think of me as the Wikipedia with fewer articles about boring crap like James Madison and botany.

Ask Away!

TJL

;)

* - Actual number of Sitcoms Online Members helped is more like four, Maybe five.
** - Wait, that was from an episode of Love Boat. Forget I mentioned that.

why does my 87 year old neighbour smell like bengay and moth balls?

Why does one get dizzy when walking and looking up in the sky at the same time?

Am I a lesbian?

Am I a lesbian?

:lol:

Am I a lesbian?

reminds me of a joke, I hope I didn't see it here but If I did oh well

___________________________

An old cowboy sat down at the Star bucks and ordered a cup of
coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to
him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I''ve spent my whole life breaking colts, working
cows,

going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring
calves,

cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my
dogs,

so I guess I am a cowboy."
She said, "I''m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women.
As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower,
I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think
about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of
women."

The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old
cowboy

and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I''m a
lesbian

Dear mr. TJL,

Whats for dinner tonight?

Dear TJL,

Are you hiring?

Dear TJL,

Is James Madison related to Dolly Madison?
Did either inspire the Square Garden?

And just what is the deal with botany?
Can you recap for me what Botany Bay was all about in Star Trek II?

Dear TJL,
Do these pants make me look fat?

mine's serious so just ignore everyone else's.

Dear TJL,

Where is Crystal? She hasn't been online for days. Usually when I shake the dog food she comes running. But I've had no such luck these past few days. I'm starting to get worried. I checked all the street corners and I haven't seen her working any of them. Where is she?

Sincerely,
Jeff

Dear TJL,

I hope you can help me with my problem. I'm an excellent surgeon serving in the wonderful US Army. I would be happy if it wasn't for the other people in this camp. First, I have to share a tent with these two obnoxious jerks who have nothing better to do than to insult me, mock me, and play practical jokes on me. They drink all day and party all night. They are a disgrace to their profession and the Army! No one else here seems to like me either. Of course, they're all a bunch of incompetant jerks! I only have one friend here; a fellow major and a wonderful woman. I just hope my wife doesn't find out! Anyway, I have to go. I think my perverted roommates are planning another practical joke on me. I ought to have them court-martialed, they think they're so cool! Oh, why can't they like me?

Anonymous Major in Korea

-----------------------------------------------------

Dear TJL,

Why haven't you answered my letter yet? I bet you're against me too! Those two roommates of mine got to you too, didn't they? Don't believe a word they tell you about me! THEY LIE!!!

Sincerely,

a dedicated doctor

why does my 87 year old neighbour smell like bengay and moth balls?

As far as moth balls, when one gets older, oh well.

Harvey

Am I a lesbian?
yes you are. :)

Well, that was an exciting nap. And by nap, I mean my day at work. Let's see what's in the old mailbag. And by old mailbag, I mean what's here on the...screw it, nevermind!

why does my 87 year old neighbour smell like bengay and moth balls?

Your neighbor is wearing the latest fragrance for the geriatric set by Calvin Klein:

Fogey.

Fogey is a veritable potpourri of all things old and really old, designed for the man who remembers when pants cost only 50 cents, kids weren't so darn disrespectful, and movies were silent if they knew what was good for them!

Fogey...It's what death smells.

;)

mine's serious so just ignore everyone else's.

Dear TJL,

Where is Crystal? She hasn't been online for days. Usually when I shake the dog food she comes running. But I've had no such luck these past few days. I'm starting to get worried. I checked all the street corners and I haven't seen her working any of them. Where is she?

Sincerely,
Jeff


:rofl:

Why does one get dizzy when walking and looking up in the sky at the same time?

Irene, Irene, Irene...I am so glad you have finally aksed for help.

It's quite obvious that you have a drinking problem.

I know, it's hard to admit when one has a problem with the booze. Yes, even I from time to time have been known to occasionally overdo it on a Friday night (no laughing Janice!) even though I am not nearly as messed up as you are.
But I am not here to judge. The important thing is that you get help. Here are a few simple steps:

1. Stop drinking
2. You are your own best friend
3. That booze you keep hidden behind the bookcase? Don't drink that either.
4. Don't order rumcake at a restaurant. I think it has rum in it.
5. Repeat steps 1-4 until you are clean.

See you at next week's meeting. Bring donuts.

;)

Why does one get dizzy when walking and looking up in the sky at the same time?

Irene, Irene, Irene...I am so glad you have finally aksed for help.

It's quite obvious that you have a drinking problem.

I know, it's hard to admit when one has a problem with the booze. Yes, even I from time to time have been known to occasionally overdo it on a Friday night (no laughing Janice!) even though I am not nearly as messed up as you are.
But I am not here to judge. The important thing is that you get help. Here are a few simple steps:

1. Stop drinking
2. You are your own best friend
3. That booze you keep hidden behind the bookcase? Don't drink that either.
4. Don't order rumcake at a restaurant. I think it has rum in it.
5. Repeat steps 1-4 until you are clean.

See you at next week's meeting. Bring donuts.

;)
:cheers:

B.D. writes in:

Am I a lesbian?

Yes. I'll see you at the Indigo Girls concert next week.

;)

Dear mr. TJL,

Whats for dinner tonight?


Oh, the usual...

Caesar salad, filet mignon (medium well) with baked potato and fresh asparagus, red wine, a rich chocoalte mousse truffle cake, maybe some coffee...

Or I'll just have the three day old chinese food in the fridge.

Ah, that's livin!

;)

Dear TJL,

Are you hiring?


No, we're not hiring right now, but we are still looking for interns to help out for the summer. We have tons of DVDs to be returned to the store, junkmail to be sorted, ketchup bottles to be refilled, you know the drill.

Are you a high school student willing to learn stuff?
Do you have a driver's licence we can copy and sell to other kids?
Do you know how to train doves? I have a little magic act thing planned for a Labor Day party.
Do you know how to get rid of a body? Just asking.

Just type up your qualifications along with a 50,000 word essay on why you want to be an intern and send it on over.

And get me a latte while you're at it. No foam!

;)

Well, that was an exciting nap. And by nap, I mean my day at work. Let's see what's in the old mailbag. And by old mailbag, I mean what's here on the...screw it, nevermind!

why does my 87 year old neighbour smell like bengay and moth balls?

Your neighbor is wearing the latest fragrance for the geriatric set by Calvin Klein:

Fogey.

Fogey is a veritable potpourri of all things old and really old, designed for the man who remembers when pants cost only 50 cents, kids weren't so darn disrespectful, and movies were silent if they knew what was good for them!

Fogey...It's what death smells.

;)

calvin klein is the shiznitz. i'd better run out and buy me some. thanks, dude.

Dear TJL,

Someone stole my cheeseburger, what should I do?

Am I a lesbian?

A lesbian trapped in a man's body??:p

According to the show Night Stand, if you prefer sausage 'patties', you're a lesbian, if you prefer sausage 'links', you're not.

My question:

Who is buried in Grant's tomb?

Are Human Resources people really Devil Spawn? Cuz they act like it.

And is a lynching party legal?

Dear TJL,

Someone stole my cheeseburger, what should I do?


Did the crook look anything like this?

Is Good Times a spin-off of Maude? :D

Dear TJL,
Do these pants make me look fat?

Wait, as a guy, I know what to say here.

If I say yes, you'll accuse me of being an insesitive clod.
If I say no, you'll say I'm just saying what you want to hear and I'm never honest.
If I say yes, I'm evil.
No, then I'm lying to get you to finish dressing for the dinner engagement that we're already twenty minutes late for.
Yes, and I sleep on the couch for a week.
No, I probably bought myself a day or two until I screw up something else and have to sleep on the couch.

And the answer is...

"Honey, would you like to use my Am Ex card for a while?"

;)

Is Good Times a spin-off of Maude? :D

I aint touching that one!

;)

How do blind people know when they are done "wiping"?

Are Human Resources people really Devil Spawn?

Yes. On the current listing all things evil, H.R. people are somewhere between The Flying Monkeys from "Wizard of Oz" and phone throwing bitch goddess Naomi Campbell. While not as evil as Hitler or clowns, they are still pretty bad.

And is a lynching party legal?

No.

But a super techno dance lynching party is okay with me!

:dance: :banana: party: :banana: ;)

where do babies come from?

Dear TJL,

I hope you can help me with my problem. I'm an excellent surgeon serving in the wonderful US Army. I would be happy if it wasn't for the other people in this camp. First, I have to share a tent with these two obnoxious jerks who have nothing better to do than to insult me, mock me, and play practical jokes on me. They drink all day and party all night. They are a disgrace to their profession and the Army! No one else here seems to like me either. Of course, they're all a bunch of incompetant jerks! I only have one friend here; a fellow major and a wonderful woman. I just hope my wife doesn't find out! Anyway, I have to go. I think my perverted roommates are planning another practical joke on me. I ought to have them court-martialed, they think they're so cool! Oh, why can't they like me?

Anonymous Major in Korea

You tell em, ferret face!

;)

Tonight, on a very special episode of "Dear TJL again..."

where do babies come from?

Where everything else comes from.

Walmart.

;)

Dear TJL,

Is James Madison related to Dolly Madison?

Gather round kids, it's time for a history lesson.

Dolly Madsion was the wife of the fourth President of the USA, James Madison. Since the first lady in those times wasn't expected to do much more than sit quietly in big dresses, Dolly spent much of her time in the White House kitchen, where she baked delicious snack cakes like cream filled Zingers and yummy fruit pies which she gladly sold to her dirt poor kitchen staff. While James Madison faded into relative obscuity after he left office, Dolly Madisons snack cakes were the preferred treats of Washington's elite for many years, until Mary Todd Lincoln introduced her "crazy ass mud pies" in 1864. Yeah, they were made out of mud.

;)

Are Human Resources people really Devil Spawn?

Yes. On the current listing all things evil, H.R. people are somewhere between The Flying Monkeys from "Wizard of Oz" and phone throwing bitch goddess Naomi Campbell. While not as evil as Hitler or clowns, they are still pretty bad.

And is a lynching party legal?

No.

But a super techno dance lynching party is okay with me!

:dance: :banana: party: :banana: ;)
:lol: Naomi Campbell.

Dear TJL,

Any particular reason why it has to be as hot as hell in the summer? :devil:

Signed,

One hot bitchy gal :sarah:

Dear TJL,

Any particular reason why it has to be as hot as hell in the summer? :devil:

Signed,

One hot bitchy gal :sarah:
:lol: It is so hot down here right now. I feel very mopey ( if that's even a word).

Dear TJL,

Is James Madison related to Dolly Madison?

Gather round kids, it's time for a history lesson.

Dolly Madsion was the wife of the fourth President of the USA, James Madison. Since the first lady in those times wasn't expected to do much more than sit quietly in big dresses, Dolly spent much of her time in the White House kitchen, where she baked delicious snack cakes like cream filled Zingers and yummy fruit pies which she gladly sold to her dirt poor kitchen staff. While James Madison faded into relative obscuity after he left office, Dolly Madisons snack cakes were the preferred treats of Washington's elite for many years, until Mary Todd Lincoln introduced her "crazy ass mud pies" in 1864. Yeah, they were made out of mud.



:brent

Mmmmm....cream filled Zingers.

Dear TJL,

Someone stole my cheeseburger, what should I do?


Did the crook look anything like this?

No. I forgot how he/she/it looked like. :(

dear TJL,

are all your base belong to us?

sincerely,
sarah

Dear TJL,

Are you hiring?


No, we're not hiring right now, but we are still looking for interns to help out for the summer. We have tons of DVDs to be returned to the store, junkmail to be sorted, ketchup bottles to be refilled, you know the drill.

Are you a high school student willing to learn stuff?
Do you have a driver's licence we can copy and sell to other kids?
Do you know how to train doves? I have a little magic act thing planned for a Labor Day party.
Do you know how to get rid of a body? Just asking.

Just type up your qualifications along with a 50,000 word essay on why you want to be an intern and send it on over.

And get me a latte while you're at it. No foam!

;)
:rofl:

I'll get right on that latte *brings latte with no foam*

Dear TJL,

Any particular reason why it has to be as hot as hell in the summer? :devil:

Signed,

One hot bitchy gal :sarah


Mom, I told you never to call me here.

;)

Dear TJL,

Need this aspca,

Who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?
Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?
Who put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop?
Who put the dip in the dip da dip da dip?

Thanks.

Dear TJL,

Why did a black olive wink at me last night?

Dear TJL,

Need this aspca,

Who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?
Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?
Who put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop?
Who put the dip in the dip da dip da dip?

Thanks.

My Dad. He's good with tools.

Me, I don't know my dip da dip from my ramma lamma ding dong.

;)

Dear TJL,
Will 7th Heaven ever die?

mine's serious so just ignore everyone else's.

Dear TJL,

Where is Crystal? She hasn't been online for days. Usually when I shake the dog food she comes running. But I've had no such luck these past few days. I'm starting to get worried. I checked all the street corners and I haven't seen her working any of them. Where is she?

Sincerely,
Jeff
Aw girl. Thanks for caring! Im back finaaaally :kiss: And girl you know its been too hot out to hang out ouside!

Dear TJL,
Will 7th Heaven ever die?

Shhh! Be quiet. 7th Heaven will hear you....

7th Heaven can't be stopped. It can't be reasoned with!

The happy happy joy joy Camden clan somehow survived cancellation and are coming for you!

Oh God it's terrible! Look at them talking and sharing important life lessons!

Nooo! They're huggging!!!

The horror. The horror.

;)

dr. tjl

are you seeing anybody? ;)

Dear TJL,

Why does that olive keep winking at me?

dr. tjl

are you seeing anybody?

Yes. Two therapists and a life coach.

And I'm not a Doctor, but I play one on TV.

;)

Dear TJL,

Why does that olive keep winking at me?

Popeye, for the last time, she's using you to make Bluto jealous.

Dump that skinny broad pronto!

;)

^ I certainly will, TJL!

I never liked the bimbo anyway...always screeching, "Popeye...help!"

Dear TJL,

This recent uproar in the Middle East. Any chance of it getting it squared away by this Wednesday or Thursday?

Signed,

Pollyanna

dr. tjl

are you seeing anybody?

Yes. Two therapists and a life coach.

And I'm not a Doctor, but I play one on TV.

;)

oops, lol, i meant to say dear tjl not dr.

Dear TJL,

This recent uproar in the Middle East. Any chance of it getting it squared away by this Wednesday or Thursday?

Signed,

Pollyanna


Hmmm. I'm a lttle swamped this week, but I'll see what i can do.

Give my best to the first lady.

;)

Dear TJL,
Why do you always wink at the end of your posts?

Dear TJL,
Why do you always wink at the end of your posts?

It's my way of flirting with alllll the lovely ladies here.

Actually, it's a nervous tick I have. Too much caffine.

;)

See? There it is.

Dear TJL,
Why are James bLunt and Ashlee Simpson at the same level of popularity?

Dear TJL,

It seems that I am surrounded by morons an awful lot. Is there some kind of spray...or maybe a trap I could set to get rid of them? They're such a problem!

Signed,
Infested in Iowa

Dear TJL,

If Rob Zombie and Jaymz Hetfield were in a fight, who would win?\

Love from,
Me, you deadbeat bastard.

TJL, seeing as you know the answers to everything, you can answer me these questions three (or more)...

question the first: WHY did Trapper have to leave MASH and WHY did the writers have to replace him with that insufferable BJ? (OK so that's two questions.)

#3. Why do child characters lose their cuteness once they hit puberty?

#4. If Radar was psychic, then why didn't he warn Henry Blake that his plane was going to go down?

#5. Were we created by God or did we evolve from apes?

#7. What is it about cellphones that make people so rude?

#8. What happened to question #6?

#9. If Homer Simpson was a real-life person, how old and how fat would he be?

#10. Why isn't Scrubs more popular? It's such a great show.

#11. Why is it that idiots can keep squirting out babies while intelligent people try to hard to have a baby and don't succeed?

#12. Why did they have to get rid of Lowell on Wings?

#13. Why am I asking so many questions?

#14. Will I be married by age 30?

Dear TJL,
Why are James bLunt and Ashlee Simpson at the same level of popularity?

Yes.

Only one of them is a girl, right?

;)

Dear TJL,

If Rob Zombie and Jaymz Hetfield were in a fight, who would win?

Every person in the entire world!

;)

Dear TJL,

Why is it in New York City, it could be sweltering out, like 100 degrees and there will still be puddles out in the street or on the sidewalk?

Dear TJL,

Why is it in New York City, it could be sweltering out, like 100 degrees and there will still be puddles out in the street or on the sidewalk?

Actually, those are the remains of people who have melted on the street.

It's like spontaneous human combustion, but with water instead of fire.

Ever see a stray sock or a T-shirt in the gutter next to one of those mystery puddles?

There you go.

;)

TJL, seeing as you know the answers to everything, you can answer me these questions three (or more)...

question the first: WHY did Trapper have to leave MASH and WHY did the writers have to replace him with that insufferable BJ? (OK so that's two questions.)

#3. Why do child characters lose their cuteness once they hit puberty?

#4. If Radar was psychic, then why didn't he warn Henry Blake that his plane was going to go down?

#5. Were we created by God or did we evolve from apes?

#7. What is it about cellphones that make people so rude?

#8. What happened to question #6?

#9. If Homer Simpson was a real-life person, how old and how fat would he be?

#10. Why isn't Scrubs more popular? It's such a great show.

#11. Why is it that idiots can keep squirting out babies while intelligent people try to hard to have a baby and don't succeed?

#12. Why did they have to get rid of Lowell on Wings?

#13. Why am I asking so many questions?

#14. Will I be married by age 30?

1. Wayne Rogers became angry because his character was being pushed to the side as Hawkeye slowly became the main focus of the show. The Producers promised to fix the situation, but when they didn't, Rogers walked.

3. Because puberty aint pretty, especially in front of 30 million viewers.

4. Radar wasn't psychic. Sometimes he could see things before they could happen.

5. We evolved from monkeys, because we can do all the cool things that monkeys can, like ride a bike and wear dresses.

7. Because cellphones allow us to answer life's most important questions, like why Jasmine was all up in your face on Friday night. (actual conversation I had to listen to this afternoon from some chick on the train platform)

8. Because seven eight nine! Ha! Wrong joke.

9. He'd be fat and dead two years ago.

10. Because the NBC execs are jealous because Zach Braff tagged Mandy Moore.

11. You hear that K-Fed? Put that thing away!

12. What's the matter, you didn't like Ned And Stacy?

13. Because you crave knowledge, grasshopper. When it comes to knowledge, I am more full of it than others.

14. Yes. The wedding will be wonderful. Get a Deejay instead of a band. Don't skimp on the champagne either. Am I invited?

;)

Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?

Dear TJL,

It seems that I am surrounded by morons an awful lot. Is there some kind of spray...or maybe a trap I could set to get rid of them? They're such a problem!

Signed,
Infested in Iowa

Dear Infested,

Sweetie, I feel your pain. In fact, a bought you a shirt that will hopefully cheer you up. Here's what it looks like:

http://www.t-shirthumor.com/Merchant2/products/ywsc.html?Category_Code=news

;)

I forgot this question from Phoebe7165902108675309..

My question:

Who is buried in Grant's tomb?

That's easy!

Dear TJL,

Which religion is the right religion that will get us all into heaven? I know you and God go to Olive Gardnen every sunday, I"ve been spying on you. SPILL!!

from,
confused courtnee

Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?

Mess with the bull, you get the horns...

;)

Dear TJL did you answer the question that Irene asked you about the blind a$$ wipers? I need to know.

Also....... Will our country ever get hit by missilles of mass destruction?

Dear TJL,

It seems that I am surrounded by morons an awful lot. Is there some kind of spray...or maybe a trap I could set to get rid of them? They're such a problem!

Signed,
Infested in Iowa

Dear Infested,

Sweetie, I feel your pain. In fact, a bought you a shirt that will hopefully cheer you up. Here's what it looks like:

http://www.t-shirthumor.com/Merchant2/products/ywsc.html?Category_Code=news

;)
:rofl:

Dear TJL,
What the hell is wrong with Tom Cruise, and do you think Katie Holmes is brainwashed or something?
Signed,
Sick of Tomkat

Dear TJL did you answer the question that Irene asked you about the blind a$$ wipers? I need to know.

I did not forget about this important and perplexing question.
I had a team of my finest summer interns investigate.
In fact, they made a whole video presentation about it, with narration and a soundtrack and everything. Christian Slater played the blind guy.
Before I could get a look at the tape, the little bastards sold it to Miramax pictures for 3 million bucks.

I guess I'll have to see it in theaters this Fall with everyone else.

Those kids are so not going to get a letter of reccomendation when the internship progam is over.

Second question:

Also....... Will our country ever get hit by missilles of mass destruction?

Yes. This Fall. Only I don't call them Weapons of Mass Destruction. I call them American Idol contestants.

;)

Dear TJL did you answer the question that Irene asked you about the blind a$$ wipers? I need to know.

Also....... Will our country ever get hit by missilles of mass destruction?

I THINK IT IS TIME WE ALL KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION! How do blind people know when they are done "wiping"????

Dear TJL..... will we ever see Tom Cruise's baby Suri?

Does she really exist?

I THINK IT IS TIME WE ALL KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION! How do blind people know when they are done "wiping"????

Irene.......... Maybe they use Bounty paper towels. It's the ultimate picker upper.

Irene.......... Maybe they use Bounty paper towels. It's the ultimate picker upper.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


actually, I figured they used their sense of "smell".:lol:

Dear TJL,

Why have I turned into a kangaroo?

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


actually, I figured they used their sense of "smell".:lol:

I know that Irene.... :lol: but PHEW....................

OK, TJL, I think I think I have the ultimate question for you. Actually, the great Homer Simpson came up with it in a Simpsons episode. Here goes...

Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that even He could not eat it?

Try to answer that one, Answer Man :p

Also, is the title of this thread a play on the MASH episode title "Dear Dad... Again"?

And how could Helen and Casey on Wings be sisters when Helen had a Southern accent and Casey didn't?

And for the final, most important question of this post: Diane or Rebecca?

Dear TJL,
What the hell is wrong with Tom Cruise, and do you think Katie Holmes is brainwashed or something?
Signed,
Sick of Tomkat

Brainwashed? Why of course not.

I just spent four hours discussing Tom and Katie with my new friend Stephanie over at the nearest Scientology center, and everything is wonderful with them.

Just wonderful...

Also Battlefield Earth was a great film, and the guys from South Park should die.

Oh look! Here's the mothership!

:ufo:

dear TJL

why do dogs sniff each others butts?

Dear TJL..... will we ever see Tom Cruise's baby Suri?

Does she really exist?

No. Baby Suri Cruise is yet another one of those fantastic Hollywood stories that somehow become real to so many of us.

You'd be surprised how many of these crazy showbiz myths are made every day.

Here are a few other things that don't exist:

Eva Longoria's career after "Desperate Houswives."

A bar table that hasn't been danced on by Lindsay Lohan.

Kate Bosworth's "fat" pants.

A waitress that hasn't been hit on by Colin Farrell.

K-Fed's condom stash.

It's a really long list.

;)

Dear TJL..... will we ever see Tom Cruise's baby Suri?

Does she really exist?

No. Baby Suri Cruise is yet another one of those fantastic Hollywood stories that somehow become real to so many of us.

You'd be surprised how many of these crazy showbiz myths are made every day.

Here are a few other things that don't exist:

Eva Longoria's career after "Desperate Houswives."

A bar table that hasn't been danced on by Lindsay Lohan.

Kate Bosworth's "fat" pants.

A waitress that hasn't been hit on by Colin Farrell.

K-Fed's condom stash.

It's a really long list.

;)

:rofl: your a ****ing genius

Dear TJL,

Why have I turned into a kangaroo?

To find your soulmate?

http://today.reuters.com/news/newsarticle.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-07-19T170415Z_01_L19567920_RTRUKOC_0_US-IRELAND-KANGAROO.xml&src=rss

dear TJL

why do dogs sniff each others butts?



Becasue they can!


Thank you! I'm here all week! G'night folks!

;)

Dear TJL..... will we ever see Tom Cruise's baby Suri?

Does she really exist?

No. Baby Suri Cruise is yet another one of those fantastic Hollywood stories that somehow become real to so many of us.

You'd be surprised how many of these crazy showbiz myths are made every day.

Here are a few other things that don't exist:

Eva Longoria's career after "Desperate Houswives."

A bar table that hasn't been danced on by Lindsay Lohan.

Kate Bosworth's "fat" pants.

A waitress that hasn't been hit on by Colin Farrell.

K-Fed's condom stash.

It's a really long list.

;)

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Dear TJL,
Just where is Waldo?

:rofl: your a ****ing genius

i second that! he makes me laugh my a$$ off.

Dear TJL.......

Will Jessica Simpson ever find a new boyfriend?

Will Pamela Anderson really marry another greasy guy?

A bunch of questions!

Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that even He could not eat it?

What kind of burrito?

Also, is the title of this thread a play on the MASH episode title "Dear Dad... Again"?

You are correct Missy! The drinks at the Officer's Club are on me tonight.

And how could Helen and Casey on Wings be sisters when Helen had a Southern accent and Casey didn't?

Because one time a casting agent told Crystal Bernard she could get more work on TV if she lost the accent and she ripped out his spine like the alien did to that guy in "Predator." So Helen had a Sothern accent for some reason, okay?

And for the final, most important question of this post: Diane or Rebecca?
Carla!

;)

Dear TJL.......

Will Jessica Simpson ever find a new boyfriend?

Will Pamela Anderson really marry another greasy guy?
I can answer the Pam Anderson question. On July 29th she will marry Kid Rock. :eek:

Dear TJL.......

Will Jessica Simpson ever find a new boyfriend?

Will Pamela Anderson really marry another greasy guy?


Yes. Jessica will find someone else, hopefully with the same brain capacity and sharp intellect as her.

Like a box of crackers!

Or a cord of wood!

Lint!

This guy: :drool:

Wait! I'm getting a vision! It's about the second question!

I...I see Pam Anderson in a wedding dress! It's white! Yeah, I'm shocked too!
I...I see a man in a freshly pressed wife beater! It's Kid Rock! Yeah, he's still alive!
The guests are all drinking 40 oz. Colt 45's!
The bridesmaids are climbing the stripper pole!
What a joyous day!

;)

:rofl: Yes I knew it. Another greasy guy for Pam.

Another question TJL........

Do you think Kid Rock will have his hat on when he marries Pam?

Does Santa Claus really exist?

Another question TJL........

Do you think Kid Rock will have his hat on when he marries Pam?

Does the bride have trouble sleeping on her stomach?

;)

Dear TJL,

How old is the world?

Does Santa Claus really exist?

Darn tootin' sweetie!

Santa Clause is real!

Let's go over the list again:

Santa - real.
Easter Bunny - real, until you unwrap the foil and bite the ears off.
Aquaman - not real and kinda fruity.
Nicole Richie - Boarderline muppet, so not real.
The Loch Ness Monster - real
Bigfoot - real
The time Bigfoot battled Steve Austin on "Six Million Dollar Man" - freakin awsome!
Mermaids - real
Cher in the movie "Mermaids" - not real
My love of turquoise jewlery - real
Crop circles - realistic, but not real
Misha Barton - ditto
Saving money on car insurance by switching to Geiko - not real
Madris shirts - annoying
The Real World - no ****ing way

If I left anything out, send me a note.

;)

You forgot the tooth fairy, the bogeyman, and Britney Spears' boobs.

You forgot the tooth fairy, the bogeyman, and Britney Spears' boobs.


Real, real, really bad job.

;)

Dear TJL,

Is Christie Brinkley's husband nuts or what?

Signed,

CB

Dear TJL,

Is Christie Brinkley's husband nuts or what?

Signed,

CB
:lol:


Dear TJL,

isn't the fighting in this thread (http://www.sitcomsonline.com/boards/showthread.php?t=90840) hilarious?

signed,
Lost and stuff

Dear TJL,

Is Christie Brinkley's husband nuts or what?

Signed,

CB

Let's see:

A lavish Hamptons home, a lucrative architecture firm, a life of hobnobbing with the beutiful people of the upper crust: Millions of Dollars

A former Sports Illustrated covergirl turned supermodel wife who is still drop dead gorgeous at 52 and some beautiful kids to boot: Priceless

Throwing it all away on some 19 year old chippy who like totally wants to be a singer someday - ASSENINE!

;)

Dear TJL,

isn't the fighting in this thread hilarious?

signed,
Lost and stuff

Can't we all just get along?

;)

Dear TJL,

isn't the fighting in this thread hilarious?

signed,
Lost and stuff

Can't we all just get along?

;)
HAY! I'll ask the questions here!:grrbald: :racist:


btw, the answer is no. :D ANARCHY!!!11

Dear TJL,

If a Bulldog and a Sh**zu mate, will they have a bulls**t?

Sincerely,

Dazed and Confused

Dear TJL,

If a Bulldog and a Sh**zu mate, will they have a bulls**t?

Sincerely,

Dazed and Confused

Dear Dazed,

And if you filmed it, you'll have the best video on YouTube!

;)

Dear TJL,

If a Bulldog and a Sh**zu mate, will they have a bulls**t?

Sincerely,

Dazed and Confused

Dear Dazed,

And if you filmed it, you'll have the best video on YouTube!

;)





:lol:

Dear TJL,

I have absolutely zero interest in the lives of celebrities. I don't care who's having a baby or who Jennifer Whoever is dating or who's getting married/divorced/abducted by aliens/whatever or how much money So-and-So makes or spends or what political/social cause Celebrity X is into.. I'd rather have a root canal with no anesthesia than read up on celebrity news and gossip.

My question is: Am I normal?

Sincerely,

Someone Who Doesn't Give a Crap About Celebrities Who Would Never Last a Day in the Real World