A friend of mine wants to have a baby, but feels that she's not ready to get married, so she wants to raise the baby on her own.

What do you think of this?

If she's not ready for a responsible relationship, there is no way she would be ready for responsibilities of a baby.
Sorry, just my opinion.

If she's not ready for a responsible relationship, there is no way she would be ready for responsibilities of a baby.
Sorry, just my opinion

:yeahthat

I have no problem with women who are single parents. Being mother is a very hard job, let alone being single and trying to raise a kid and working isn't a easy task. Your friend sounds a bit immature JMO

To be a woman who has a child and finds herself alone, do to divorce, or widowhood is one thing, but to havce a baby cause you arent ready to marry makes NO sense, as Sterling so elequently put it : "If she's not ready for a responsible relationship, there is no way she would be ready for responsibilities of a baby."

To be a woman who has a child and finds herself alone, do to divorce, or widowhood is one thing, but to havce a baby cause you arent ready to marry makes NO sense, as Sterling so elequently put it : "If she's not ready for a responsible relationship, there is no way she would be ready for responsibilities of a baby."
Yep. exactly.

However, there are exceptions. Women who don't want to ever marry but want to have children. But women like that are women who are financially capable, emotionally capable and overall capable of dealing with raising a child without a father around.

I think she is being unfair to the child. A child needs a father as well as a mother.

Not a good idea.

I was in these shoes once and believe me it's no picnic.

I think she is being unfair to the child. A child needs a father as well as a mother.


Not in every case. I'm a single mom and raise my kids as their mom and their dad; just better.:)

It really depends on the case, I was watching this Lisa Loeb show #1 single and she wants to have children because her biological clock is ticking but she doesn't really want to get married. She's got the support system and is financially stable; as long as there are those things I would think it's ok.

I don't think just because she doesn't want a relationship doesn't measn she's not ready to raise a child. It's two different things really. She may not want the hassles of having to deal with someone else in her life so that she can devote more time to the child.

I told her that it will be tough and it's a lot of responcibility, but she just shrugged it off. I just hate to see her do something that she'll regret if she's not ready.

I told her that it will be tough and it's a lot of responcibility, but she just shrugged it off. I just hate to see her do something that she'll regret if she's not ready.

Shurgging off someone telling you that it will be tough and a lot of responsiblity shows that she just wants a baby but she's not ready. I don't think there is anything wrong with single parents, many of them do a great job, but this seems like a bad situation to bring a child in to.

That's exactly what I'm thinking

It's hard enough raising a child with two parents. I couldn't imagine trying to do it on my own!

I think she sees the baby as a way to get attention. She doesn't actually see the 2 a.m. feedings, the baby getting sick at all hours of the night, teething, changing diapers etc.

I have a neighbor that was 14 and had a baby the same time I had my son. That baby was raised by the girls parents. My advice is to wait.

God, i think some girls don't really see the hard work of raising a child. Like what was posted here^^^^^^^ abt the child getting sick, the feedings, the diapers, buying clothes. Children grow at a rapid pace, clothes have to be bought every few months' shoes, diapers, medical visits, children getting their vaccines and the pain they are in afterwards; going to work to support a child and then missing work because that child is sick; having a boss that doesn't put up with the fact that you are a single parent and will replace you in a heartbeat because of your absences; childcare costs. My girlfriend pays $200 a week for her son's childcare. Then, when that provider is ill or "takes time off" my friend needs to find a replacement temporary sitter. Going out on a whim is out because who will watch your kid? Will your child behave? Will a guy want to date you because of your child? If the child has an illness that requires special meds/diet? You may then have to deal with braces; the cost of regular dental and medical check-ups, prescriptions...should i stop or keep going?

God, i think some girls don't really see the hard work of raising a child. Like what was posted here^^^^^^^ abt the child getting sick, the feedings, the diapers, buying clothes. Children grow at a rapid pace, clothes have to be bought every few months' shoes, diapers, medical visits, children getting their vaccines and the pain they are in afterwards; going to work to support a child and then missing work because that child is sick; having a boss that doesn't put up with the fact that you are a single parent and will replace you in a heartbeat because of your absences; childcare costs. My girlfriend pays $200 a week for her son's childcare. Then, when that provider is ill or "takes time off" my friend needs to find a replacement temporary sitter. Going out on a whim is out because who will watch your kid? Will your child behave? Will a guy want to date you because of your child? If the child has an illness that requires special meds/diet? You may then have to deal with braces; the cost of regular dental and medical check-ups, prescriptions...should i stop or keep going?
Her friend should read your post Irene.

All the reasons you mentioned scares me from having my own child :lol: Seriously, I am 23 years old and I don't have much desire to have children. I want to wait until I'm secure with my career, making good money, have a home (and...wait...a husband would help). The idea of motherhood TERRIFIES me--so much responsibility comes with it. I'm not sure your friend realizes that, Lauren. Once you have a kid, that's it--no more going out late at night to party or dates with boyfriends at all hours. She might have to put off school too.

My cousin (who is 21) just had a baby, a cute little boy named Aiden. God bless her, I really don't know how she manages. Then again, she did marry the father of her child and he helps as much as possible. Raising a child in a single parent home would be ten times more difficult!



God, i think some girls don't really see the hard work of raising a child. Like what was posted here^^^^^^^ abt the child getting sick, the feedings, the diapers, buying clothes. Children grow at a rapid pace, clothes have to be bought every few months' shoes, diapers, medical visits, children getting their vaccines and the pain they are in afterwards; going to work to support a child and then missing work because that child is sick; having a boss that doesn't put up with the fact that you are a single parent and will replace you in a heartbeat because of your absences; childcare costs. My girlfriend pays $200 a week for her son's childcare. Then, when that provider is ill or "takes time off" my friend needs to find a replacement temporary sitter. Going out on a whim is out because who will watch your kid? Will your child behave? Will a guy want to date you because of your child? If the child has an illness that requires special meds/diet? You may then have to deal with braces; the cost of regular dental and medical check-ups, prescriptions...should i stop or keep going?

God, i think some girls don't really see the hard work of raising a child. Like what was posted here^^^^^^^ abt the child getting sick, the feedings, the diapers, buying clothes. Children grow at a rapid pace, clothes have to be bought every few months' shoes, diapers, medical visits, children getting their vaccines and the pain they are in afterwards; going to work to support a child and then missing work because that child is sick; having a boss that doesn't put up with the fact that you are a single parent and will replace you in a heartbeat because of your absences; childcare costs. My girlfriend pays $200 a week for her son's childcare. Then, when that provider is ill or "takes time off" my friend needs to find a replacement temporary sitter. Going out on a whim is out because who will watch your kid? Will your child behave? Will a guy want to date you because of your child? If the child has an illness that requires special meds/diet? You may then have to deal with braces; the cost of regular dental and medical check-ups, prescriptions...should i stop or keep going?

I'm printing this off for her Irene. I mean, I want to have kids, but right now I'm lucky enough to take care of myself, LOL.

Her friend should read your post Irene.
really? wow, did i hit it on the head? LOL

Irene, you said what I wanted to say!! I can't remember the last time my husband and I went out for an adults only night!! LOL!!

We are very particular about who we let our son stay with. My father-in-law lives the next street over, but he has his own life and we can't just expect him to drop everything!!

Even if you aren't a single parent the challenges of finding a good daycare provider can be daunting!! I not to mention who is going to be the one to take off the next time your child is sick. I can't imagine doing it by myself!!

Irene, you said what I wanted to say!! I can't remember the last time my husband and I went out for an adults only night!! LOL!!

We are very particular about who we let our son stay with. My father-in-law lives the next street over, but he has his own life and we can't just expect him to drop everything!!

Even if you aren't a single parent the challenges of finding a good daycare provider can be daunting!! I not to mention who is going to be the one to take off the next time your child is sick. I can't imagine doing it by myself!!
It's a hard thing. I will admit looking back at raising my girls I was lucky to have a husband. I can't imagine doing it by myself. As much as I like to say I am a strong person and I can tackle anything, I will admit, raising a child is tough. I have a 4 year old and I want to tear my hair out at times. I have broken down crying out of pure frustration.

Raising a child on your own is tough but well worth it.

first you get married then have a baby..he will dump you

What do you do on Fathers Day? Seriously, and stuff like parents day at school. And making family trees.

Sterling said what I was thinking as well. I must say though that I am glad it's working out for Kazaa but I wouldn't recommend it to your friend.

What do you do on Fathers Day? Seriously, and stuff like parents day at school. And making family trees.

Sterling said what I was thinking as well. I must say though that I am glad it's working out for Kazaa but I wouldn't recommend it to your friend.


The girls make a card for me;I also get breakast in bed.
We had to make a family tree for school once, since the father is not present I asked the teacher and she said to leave it blank. They also talk about how some families have one parent; very supportive.

The girls make a card for me;I also get breakast in bed.
We had to make a family tree for school once, since the father is not present I asked the teacher and she said to leave it blank. They also talk about how some families have one parent; very supportive.

ok, I always wondered about that. :cool:

this last post reminded me of when I was 6 and my mom had just died. Mother's Day was coming up and us kids had to make a big heart for our "mothers". I told the teacher "i don't have a mom"...she told me to give it to my sister. I felt awkward because I was the only kid who didn't have a mom; my mom had died a month before. It puts kids in a really awkward position to have to explain things to a teacher.

If she's not ready for a responsible relationship, there is no way she would be ready for responsibilities of a baby.
Sorry, just my opinion.
:nod:

this last post reminded me of when I was 6 and my mom had just died. Mother's Day was coming up and us kids had to make a big heart for our "mothers". I told the teacher "i don't have a mom"...she told me to give it to my sister. I felt awkward because I was the only kid who didn't have a mom; my mom had died a month before. It puts kids in a really awkward position to have to explain things to a teacher.


It is hard. That's why when we have the first parent/teacher meeting I take the time to explain the situation at home so she's more aware.

If she's not ready for a responsible relationship, there is no way she would be ready for responsibilities of a baby.
Sorry, just my opinion.
I agree.

I don't know why anyone would want to plan to be a single mother. If she wants something to raise, tell her to get a dog until she's ready to have a mature relationship.

That'd be a lot tougher than if she were married

i was alone w/ my friends 4 year old son for a mere 5 minutes and I will not be having children for another 10 years now.

i was alone w/ my friends 4 year old son for a mere 5 minutes and I will not be having children for another 10 years now.

Just practicing for now, huh?:D :D

Irene's post was brilliant.

My son is older now but believe me he is scarred over the things that happened to him as a young boy.

- I was the only one who went to his events in school.
- I was the only one who took him to the doctors when he suffered severe asthma.
- I was the one who visited him in the hospital when he stayed there.
- I was the one who gve him cards and presents on his birthday and Christmas.
- I was the one who threw his parties.
- He yearned for his father who was colder than ice.
- The list goes on and on........

I just think that if you want a child you should make sure that you are not alone. Have it because you both want it and will be there for when the child needs both parents.

Give me a child.......... PUHLEASE!

Having a child is a "BIG" responsibility. My son is now reaquainted with his sperm donor. But he still carries alot of the pain.

For the young ladies here. Please use protection. :soapbox: