As many of you know I've been miserable lately, and much of that is due to a boy. It seems it only hits me harder and harder everyday and I'm just getting stuck deeper and deeper into a miserable situation. I've officially established that love is the biggest pain of them all.

So I know I have to do something. I can't let myself feel like this forever, and I'm so sick of the pain. So I'm setting up options for myself. Just...give me your opinion or even suggest another idea. I'm so messed up right now.

1)Force it away. I've tried before, but maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe I could just...stop talking to him as much. Maybe it'll fade away that way. I mean, we ARE friends, but we're not that close. It'll hurt, but I'm already in pain so what does it matter.

2)In fact do the opposite and try to get closer to him...and maybe hope for a miracle. That's what I've been trying to do lately, but the downside of this one is that...you realize how much you like this person and yet they don't like you back. They like someone else. And that hurts equally as bad.

3) Bury myself in a hole and plan to slowly disintegrate there until I die?

I can't tell him. I can't face rejection, I can't handle it at all. And not only that, since I'm almost positive he likes someone else...it might only upset him or make him feel bad. I don't want to do that either. Someone kill me, thanks.

Just tell him. Seriously, write a note email or maybe ask one of your friends to tell him. Trust me I tried that before and the guy was with someone else and it felt so much better to let all these feelings go and he didn't even like me back. It just felt so good to put it all behind me and forget about him. Just explain how you feel. Seriously the worst he could say is "yuck" or "no". Rejection sucks but its better than having these feelings of love but yet misery plague you 24/7. And if he is a friend he will probably be more understanding. Face your fears. :nod: Thats my best advice.

yeah, telling him could solve it. #2 could work too...:( or even #1. just dont do #3.

Just tell him. Seriously, write a note email or maybe ask one of your friends to tell him. Trust me I tried that before and the guy was with someone else and it felt so much better to let all these feelings go and he didn't even like me back I just put it behind him. Just explain how you feel. Seriously the worst he could say is "yuck" or "no" Rejection sucks but its better than having these feelings of love but yet misery plague you 24/7.
But I'm worried things will be weird between us after that :/ Ugh, I don't know. You're probably right but I'm a coward.

Hey,

I'm really sorry you're going through something so painful. I totally understand and can relate to this feeling in every way, believe me. It's like being on an emotional roller coaster every day :(

I guess the first thing I need to ask you is this: Has he ever dropped any hints that he might be interested in you in more than a friendly way? 'Cause if that was the case, you might be able to play it out from there, providing he in fact doesn't like this other person. Maybe as more time goes by, he might get a little more courage and decide to approach you with how he feels.

Otherwise, the only thing I can suggest to you is to do your #1 choice--try to pull away and hope it doesn't hurt anymore.

Best of luck to you :bighug: I'm going through almost exactly the same thing you are (except I do think this person likes me....but, eh, it's a little more complicated than that), so I know how you feel.

Hey,

I'm really sorry you're going through something so painful. I totally understand and can relate to this feeling in every way, believe me. It's like being on an emotional roller coaster every day :(

I guess the first thing I need to ask you is this: Has he ever dropped any hints that he might be interested in you in more than a friendly way? 'Cause if that was the case, you might be able to play it out from there, providing he in fact doesn't like this other person.

Otherwise, the only thing I can suggest to you is to do your #1 choice--try to pull away and hope it doesn't hurt anymore.

Best of luck to you :bighug: I'm going through almost exactly the same thing you are (except I do think this person likes me....but, eh, it's a little more complicated than that), so I know how you feel.
Honestly, the reason I became interested in this person (which was over a year ago, by the way) was because I thought he liked me. He seemed to act weird around me...but then...after awhile I began to realize he kind of just acts that way around everyone. That's just how he is. But really, who knows? I doubt it, but ugh.

But I'm worried things will be weird between us after that :/ Ugh, I don't know. You're probably right but I'm a coward.
yeah thats true. it may be :( BUT it could also make you feel better that you let it out. just to get it off your chest

sorry im not really good with this type of stuff :-/

That can be really confusing, definitely. This may sound stupid, but have you ever had another person ask if he was interested in you? (Not in such a direct way, but you know what I mean).


Honestly, the reason I became interested in this person (which was over a year ago, by the way) was because I thought he liked me. He seemed to act weird around me...but then...after awhile I began to realize he kind of just acts that way around everyone. That's just how he is. But really, who knows? I doubt it, but ugh.

But I'm worried things will be weird between us after that :/ Ugh, I don't know. You're probably right but I'm a coward.
Well just explain to him that if the feelings are not mutual that you just want to put it behind you and you don't want it to affect your friendship. It's not that weird, it's common for friends to crush on eachother.

That can be really confusing, definitely. This may sound stupid, but have you ever had another person ask if he was interested in you? (Not in such a direct way, but you know what I mean).
yeah it is confusing to tell if someone likes you or not...and its reallllly hard to have the guts to ask them if they do. but yeah it could help :( i agree, just tell him you dont want it to affect the friendship

That can be really confusing, definitely. This may sound stupid, but have you ever had another person ask if he was interested in you? (Not in such a direct way, but you know what I mean).
No, I'm terrified of even hinting at it. Besides, as time goes on the more I doubt it. I'm hopeless :lol:

yeah thats true. it may be :( BUT it could also make you feel better that you let it out. just to get it off your chest

sorry im not really good with this type of stuff :-/
lol no, I like to hear what people have to say. Thanks for caring and talking with me about it, to all of you :)

Hmm, this may sound stupid (again), but I found out this other person liked me when we were playing a truth game online (we were just bored and asking each other truth type questions...I'm pathetic). But, anyway, she pretty much asked me "Who would you date in our group of friends?" (they were all girls..I'm bi), and I said her name and she agreed that she'd date me too.

So maybe you could ask him something like that in a sorta roundabout way (not exactly like that, but something similar) or have a friend do it. Ask hypotheticals, so you can always play it off as a joke if it blows up in your face, you know?

Well just explain to him that if the feelings are not mutual that you just want to put it behind you and you don't want it to affect your friendship. It's not that weird, it's common for friends to crush on eachother.That'd actually be a good idea, but it'd take forever for me to get up the nerve. Good Lord, why am I such a baby?

And honestly, I don't know how I'd handle the feeling if he said no. I think I just don't say anything so I don't have to face that rejection, truthfully. ohno:

Aw! I know exactly how you feel....it hurts a lot.


No, I'm terrified of even hinting at it. Besides, as time goes on the more I doubt it. I'm hopeless :lol:

That'd actually be a good idea, but it'd take forever for me to get up the nerve. Good Lord, why am I such a baby?

And honestly, I don't know how I'd handle the feeling if he said no. I think I just don't say anything so I don't have to face that rejection, truthfully. ohno:
:hug: You canndooooeeeeeeet </waterboy> I honestly know how you feel almost exactly all of us do most likely. Rejection can not feel worse than what you're feeling right now. I mean we all go through it, it's part of life. And if I'm wrong you have permission to hit me with a wiffle ball bat. :)

Hmm, this may sound stupid (again), but I found out this other person liked me when we were playing a truth game online (we were just bored and asking each other truth type questions...I'm pathetic). But, anyway, she pretty much asked me "Who would you date in our group of friends?" (they were all girls..I'm bi), and I said her name and she agreed that she'd date me too.

So maybe you could ask him something like that in a sorta roundabout way (not exactly like that, but something similar) or have a friend do it. Ask hypotheticals, so you can always play it off as a joke if it blows up in your face, you know?heh that sounds like something I do. Just...I don't know...he wouldn't say me. He has so many other friends...I'm probably insignificant, even if I am in his top 8 on myspacel ozswl. Yeah but, as afraid as I am, I'm going to have to do one of these things you guys suggest sooner or later. Ugh. :(

That'd actually be a good idea, but it'd take forever for me to get up the nerve. Good Lord, why am I such a baby?

And honestly, I don't know how I'd handle the feeling if he said no. I think I just don't say anything so I don't have to face that rejection, truthfully. ohno:
i know what you mean. im in the same boat as you there...

but i guess we just have to face our fears sometimes. :( its a really hard situation. but i think you can do it!

:hug: You canndooooeeeeeeet </waterboy> I honestly know how you feel almost exactly all of us do most likely. Rejection can not feel worse than what you're feeling right now. I mean we all go through it, it's part of life. And if I'm wrong you have permission to hit me with a wiffle ball bat. :)
lol, you're definately right (but can I still take up the wiffle ball bat offer? ;)) I'm going to have to build up some nerve.

If it hurts to be just friends with him, maybe it's best to tell him how you feel and find out how he feels. I know you don't want to face rejection. It's a hard thing to deal with.
If he's not interested in more than friendship with you, it's better if you know. Personally, I couldn't be just friends with someone I had a lot of feelings for.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's an awful feeling. I've been there. :(

Hmm, this may sound stupid (again), but I found out this other person liked me when we were playing a truth game online (we were just bored and asking each other truth type questions...I'm pathetic). But, anyway, she pretty much asked me "Who would you date in our group of friends?" (they were all girls..I'm bi), and I said her name and she agreed that she'd date me too.

So maybe you could ask him something like that in a sorta roundabout way (not exactly like that, but something similar) or have a friend do it. Ask hypotheticals, so you can always play it off as a joke if it blows up in your face, you know?
yeah, i agree. that sounds like a good idea.

i know what you mean. im in the same boat as you there...

but i guess we just have to face our fears sometimes. :( its a really hard situation. but i think you can do it!
thanks :)

Man what is it with SO and "love" lately? :lol:

If it hurts to be just friends with him, maybe it's best to tell him how you feel and find out how he feels. I know you don't want to face rejection. It's a hard thing to deal with.
If he's not interested in more than friendship with you, it's better if you know. Personally, I couldn't be just friends with someone I had a lot of feelings for.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's an awful feeling. I've been there. :(You're exactly right. Yet, for some reason, I feel like it'd be just as painful if I couldn't just be friends with him after.

And thanks, it is pretty awful. :/

Man what is it with SO and "love" lately? :lol:
the 11-14 year olds of previous years are growing up! :p

Man what is it with SO and "love" lately? :lol:
It's EVERYWHERE. I swear to God, I freaking turned on doctor Phil today and the episode was on love. Movies, the movie my mom had on the other day happened to be a romance. It's like it's purposely trying to get in my face. Everyone's dating someone now, all I see are people holding hands or kissing. I'm all alone and it's so painful.

Well, think of it this way--say he didn't have feelings for you... Could you possibly be friends with him after revealing something so personal? How important is his friendship to you?

i seriously hope everything works well for you ashlee :( as for what to do...i think number 9's idea could work (ya know, asking him in a sort of joking manner). i hope it all works out welll

the 11-14 year olds of previous years are growing up! :p
Seriously have we all been drugged or something? O_o


:lol:

Best of luck to you ashlee. :wave:

Well, think of it this way--say he didn't have feelings for you... Could you possibly be friends with him after revealing something so personal? How important is his friendship to you?
I think those are things I really couldn't find out until after I've said something. I just...don't know. I'm so new to this whole thing. I have no idea how it works, or what happens after or how to handle it. I know our friendship is important, at least to me, which is why I like him so much. I just don't know what it'd be like if I told him.

i agree with number 9 dream just tell him in a roundabout way if you are too shy to come out and tell him right out if hints dont work with him then tell him stright out ether way you have to get this out in the open

i seriously hope everything works well for you ashlee :( as for what to do...i think number 9's idea could work (ya know, asking him in a sort of joking manner). i hope it all works out welll
I guess, if the right chance comes up, I'll try something. and thanks :)

Seriously have we all been drugged or something? O_o


:lol:

Best of luck to you ashlee. :wave:
thanks :)

Seriously have we all been drugged or something? O_o


:lol:

Best of luck to you ashlee. :wave:
:lol: i agree.


and yeah it's weird. :p

and yeah good luck ashlee :)

i agree with number 9 dream just tell him in a roundabout way if you are too shy to come out and tell him right out if hints dont work with him then tell him stright out ether way you have to get this out in the open
you're right. Like my friend said...it's like gas...if you hold it in, it turns into this big bubble and it hurts like hell...and if you just let it out, it's a great relief. Okay, actually I made that one up...but she brought it up to me in relation to this situation. I have to apply those things. I can't be afraid anymore.

you're right. Like my friend said...it's like gas...if you hold it in, it turns into this big bubble and it hurts like hell...and if you just let it out, it's a great relief. Okay, actually I made that one up...but she brought it up to me in relation to this situation. I have to apply those things. I can't be afraid anymore.
:nod: exactly

interesting comparison too ;)

Well, you seem to be doing exactly what I did (you poor thing) when I was "in love" with 2 guys in HS that couldn't have cared less if I were born or not. I think all I did was go day to day in a fantasy world, just kind of hoping for a miracle. And of course, that never happened. I cried at the end of my senior year because I wasn't gonna be able to see them anymore. Just see them. Ugh. So basically I don't know. I was too chicken to face rejection and humiliation...and maybe it was for the better, ya know? At the time I wouldn't have said that, but maybe that was my annoying little guardian angel telling me this wasn't gonna work out anyway.

Maybe I'm grasping at straws here. But I don't want to see you beat yourself up over this guy (easier said than done, I know). Maybe out of nowhere, something will come along...maybe not. I guess just sit back and see, and try not to get too miserable about it in the meantime.

Ugh....that wasn't great advice, was it? :(

Well, you seem to be doing exactly what I did (you poor thing) when I was "in love" with 2 guys in HS that couldn't have cared less if I were born or not. I think all I did was go day to day in a fantasy world, just kind of hoping for a miracle. And of course, that never happened. I cried at the end of my senior year because I wasn't gonna be able to see them anymore. Just see them. Ugh. So basically I don't know. I was too chicken to face rejection and humiliation...and maybe it was for the better, ya know? At the time I wouldn't have said that, but maybe that was my annoying little guardian angel telling me this wasn't gonna work out anyway.

Maybe I'm grasping at straws here. But I don't want to see you beat yourself up over this guy (easier said than done, I know). Maybe out of nowhere, something will come along...maybe not. I guess just sit back and see, and try not to get too miserable about it in the meantime.

Ugh....that wasn't great advice, was it? :(No, any inputs fine. I mean yeah, that's exactly how I'm thinking. But then there's that...whole...what if factor. What if sucks, too -_-

Yeah, it does. I was that way for 8 years. I was in love with this guy for 8 years...in which he ignored me all 8 of them. I needed to take the hint. </dumbass>

At least this guy is your friend. Which can also be worse....

Yeah, it does. I was that way for 8 years. I was in love with this guy for 8 years...in which he ignored me all 8 of them. I needed to take the hint. </dumbass>

At least this guy is your friend. Which can also be worse....
Yeah. -_- It makes it worse for me to have to face him after, and see how things are after that.

i'd say try to become better friends with him, and maybe you'll have a better sense of his feelings..and see where it goes from there. good luck with it all nevertheless. :)

i'd say try to become better friends with him, and maybe you'll have a better sense of his feelings..and see where it goes from there. good luck with it all nevertheless. :)
that's my favorite idea -_- I don't want to lose him or anything...even if I do have to see him walking around with some other girl. and thanks

You can tell him your feelings and get it over with, You never know he might feel the same way about you. If he doesn't then atleast you've tried and you will know how he feels, then you can move on. Everyone will face rejection some time in their life, some earlier then others, It's life. So tell him how you feel, tomorrow you could have a new boyfriend ;)

You can tell him your feelings and get it over with, You never know he might feel the same way about you. If he doesn't then atleast you've tried and you will know how he feels, then you can move on. Everyone will face rejection some time in their life, some earlier then others, It's life. So tell him how you feel, tomorrow you could have a new boyfriend ;)
lol I wish...but yeah...I need to do something. I just have to wait until the time is right.

Thanks for your help, everyone. Ima go sleep now. Goodnight :wave:

I say that life is about risks (better than never learning, right?), and as hard as it may seem, you will often get a better understanding by taking that risk. And I also agree with those who say "be a friend first." So true. Keep on being a friend to him. :)

In my honest opinion, you could be setting yourself up for a longer hurt if you just try and be better friends with him. The attraction will grow stronger on your side, but might not on his. If it doesn't, then you would have invested all this time on someone who won't recipricate the feelings and you will feel worse. Why not just ask him out? The worst he can say is no. I once asked out a friend and she said no and we still remained friends.

In my honest opinion, you could be setting yourself up for a longer hurt if you just try and be better friends with him. The attraction will grow stronger on your side, but might not on his. If it doesn't, then you would have invested all this time on someone who won't recipricate the feelings and you will feel worse. Why not just ask him out? The worst he can say is no. I once asked out a friend and she said no and we still remained friends.

My husband asked me out for months before I would say yes LOL, And years later we got married.

mm...maybe my own story will contribute.

firstly, my feelings about the guy i liked for a while seemed to fade away when i wrote a 100-line about everything that had happened and how i felt; and i had been very hurt, believe me. i think it was a lot of the reason i was able to get over it so fast. it sort of released the feelings, and before i would have ever expected i was able to let go.

and probably more significantly; long story short, my now-boyfriend liked me for a long time while i only liked him as a friend, and since about a month ago i've liked him as more than that. i've known him since we started high school and i've always thought he was awesome but didn't think he cared about me; yet today he told me that he's liked me since this school year started, which makes sense because it was around then that he started talking to me and everything, as well as jokingly asking me out...he left me a major hint about four months ago that he was actually being half-serious, but i pretended not to pick up on it because i didn't want to reject him, and although he was important to me as a friend i couldn't see myself wanting to date him. aaand pretty much the other night we had a long IM convo that started out with us making fun of wilford brimley commercials and ended with me coming out to him and us dating. so i guess the point i'm trying to make is that feelings change...someone may be uninterested in dating someone else, no matter how long they've already known them, but develop different feelings later.

In my honest opinion, you could be setting yourself up for a longer hurt if you just try and be better friends with him. The attraction will grow stronger on your side, but might not on his. If it doesn't, then you would have invested all this time on someone who won't recipricate the feelings and you will feel worse. Why not just ask him out? The worst he can say is no. I once asked out a friend and she said no and we still remained friends.You're probably right, but honestly I like him so much that if I can't actually date him, I'd want the next best thing...and that'd be being closer friends. And then, I don't know how much worse I can feel. I've focused my attention on him for a year now and it just won't go away no matter how hard I try to make it.

mm...maybe my own story will contribute.

firstly, my feelings about the guy i liked for a while seemed to fade away when i wrote a 100-line about everything that had happened and how i felt; and i had been very hurt, believe me. i think it was a lot of the reason i was able to get over it so fast. it sort of released the feelings, and before i would have ever expected i was able to let go.

and probably more significantly; long story short, my now-boyfriend liked me for a long time while i only liked him as a friend, and since about a month ago i've liked him as more than that. i've known him since we started high school and i've always thought he was awesome but didn't think he cared about me; yet today he told me that he's liked me since this school year started, which makes sense because it was around then that he started talking to me and everything, as well as jokingly asking me out...he left me a major hint about four months ago that he was actually being half-serious, but i pretended not to pick up on it because i didn't want to reject him, and although he was important to me as a friend i couldn't see myself wanting to date him. aaand pretty much the other night we had a long IM convo that started out with us making fun of wilford brimley commercials and ended with me coming out to him and us dating. so i guess the point i'm trying to make is that feelings change...someone may be uninterested in dating someone else, no matter how long they've already known them, but develop different feelings later.That's what I'm desperately hoping for, that his feelings will change. I'm hoping that he'll just...get over that girl and maybe notice me. And, if I don't try to become better friends with him, then that's less likely to happen. I know it's not necessarily going to happen, but I feel like I need to try.

I'm going to say #2

I need to tell him. I think before spring break is a goodtime, so he has a week to digest the whole thing and...yeah...it won't be AS weird when we go back to school a week later.

I need to tell him. I think before spring break is a goodtime, so he has a week to digest the whole thing and...yeah...it won't be AS weird when we go back to school a week later.
yes, you definitely should tell him. and don't write it in a note or anything.. you have to do it yourself in person. even if he does say no, chances are he will respect you/admire you more if you get the courage and do it face to face. and if he says no.. if he doesn't suck, you'll still be friends. :)

yes, you definitely should tell him. and don't write it in a note or anything.. you have to do it yourself in person. even if he does say no, chances are he will respect you/admire you more if you get the courage and do it face to face. and if he says no.. if he doesn't suck, you'll still be friends. :)
There's too much to say to say it face to face. He's all over the place and I really have no where to be alone with him to tell him. So, yeah, I think sending him an e-mail is the only way. At least I'm not having someone else tell him...

There's too much to say to say it face to face. He's all over the place and I really have no where to be alone with him to tell him. So, yeah, I think sending him an e-mail is the only way. At least I'm not having someone else tell him...
good luck. :thumbsup:

good luck. :thumbsup:
thanks :)

good luck. :thumbsup:
same :)

same :)
thanks

Good Luck! Just don't be like me and then be afraid to check your email! :)

I hope he sees what a great girl you are.

Good Luck! Just don't be like me and then be afraid to check your email! :)

I hope he sees what a great girl you are.
aw thanks :)

The scariest thing will be going back to school after I've told him. I think one of two things will happen...it'll bring us closer cause I opened up to him, or make us further apart because I...freaked him out. So...yeah, let's just hope it's not the latter -_-

Good luck to you! :kiss:

Good luck to you! :kiss:
thanks :)

I think you should tell him and as many people have said the worst he can say is no. It may hurt for awhile but trust me you move on. And he may say yes and you go from there. I wish you luck and let us know how it turns out. :wave:

I think you should tell him and as many people have said the worst he can say is no. It may hurt for awhile but trust me you move on. And he may say yes and you go from there. I wish you luck and let us know how it turns out. :wave:
thanks I will :)