James"Thunder"Early
03-25-2006, 06:25 PM
Found this on another message board
One day I met a gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent
>that
>we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
>
>Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from
>work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him
>that I
>would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed a small
>diner
>and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.
>
>With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk
>off any effects the beans gave me by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and
>before I
>knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
>
>All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my
>arrival, my
>husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have
>a
>surprise for dinner tonight".
>
>He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.
>I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the
>telephone
>rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and
>went to
>answer the call.
>
>The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was
>becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized
>the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.
>
>It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a
>skunk in
>front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air
>around
>me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more.
>
>The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned
>to
>the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few
>minutes.
>
>The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells
>signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times
>with
>my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very
>relieved and pleased with myself.
>
>My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned,
>apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the
>blindfold,
>and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and
>twelve
>dinner guests seated around the table chorused:
>
>"Happy Birthday!"
I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!
One day I met a gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent
>that
>we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
>
>Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from
>work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him
>that I
>would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed a small
>diner
>and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.
>
>With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk
>off any effects the beans gave me by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and
>before I
>knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
>
>All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my
>arrival, my
>husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have
>a
>surprise for dinner tonight".
>
>He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.
>I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the
>telephone
>rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and
>went to
>answer the call.
>
>The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was
>becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized
>the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.
>
>It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a
>skunk in
>front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air
>around
>me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more.
>
>The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned
>to
>the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few
>minutes.
>
>The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells
>signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times
>with
>my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very
>relieved and pleased with myself.
>
>My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned,
>apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the
>blindfold,
>and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and
>twelve
>dinner guests seated around the table chorused:
>
>"Happy Birthday!"
I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!