Jerry (to Elaine): "Boy a little too much chlorine in that gene pool."

Elaine: "It shrinks?" Jerry: "Like a frightened turtle." George: "It. Just. Does." Elaine: "I don't see how how you guys walk around with those things..."

mrs costanza - "dont eat so fast u cant taste it" frank "festivus for the rest of us" george - i zipped up.... i couldnt go over there the way i was"
kramer - "u shouldnt brush 24 hrs before u see the dentist"
jerry's material for that guy - "the mug is round the jar is round they should call it round teen. elaines mechanic boyfreind. whats his name again? - "thats right"

"that guy" Kenny Bania

"Elaines Boyfriend" - David Puddy


Quotes: Too many to list, "Not on my watch"
"Voodoo Rattle Torture"
"You getting to be an annoying little task yourself"
"Your a funny fu$#"

I have a lot of fav quotes that I used to rattle off on Seinlanguage thread but it died off.:(

My all time favorite Quote is from George,

"Where's your wine???"
"Get out!!!"

HAHAHA!!!

Bania (to Kramer): "Hey. That's a woman's dressing room". Kramer: "There's nothing in there that I haven't seen before."

Jerry: Its ILLEGAL!
Kramer: Its NOT illegal.
Jerry: Its against the law.
Kramer: Well... yeah. :lol:

Manager: I'm sorry, our policy is we prosecute all shoplifters.
Jerry: Oh, come on. He's just a lonely old man. All old people steal.
Manager: That's right. That's why we stopped carrying batteries

Jerry: [To himself, quickly] 'Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.'

Elaine: :I did not bare myself deliberately, but I tell you, I wish now that I had! Because it is not me that has been exposed, but you! For I have seen the nipple on your soul!"

George: "Elaine, bald men, with no jobs, and no money, who live with their parents, don't approach strange women."

Kramer: "That looked like milk to me! Jerry my Rods and Cones are all screwed

up!"

For me it is the Junior mint.

Also, the Chinese Woman

The Hamptons with the ugly baby.

"That's gold, Jerry!" - Kenny Banya

;)

The Asian Girl in the beauty parlor:

"WHAT??? NO BETTE MIDLER???"

Kramer to Jerry:

"You're an anti-dentite!"

Jerry: "DOLORES!"

A bit long, sorry, but it's my favorite.

Elaine: Ya know, its not fair people are seated First Come First Served, It should be based on who's hungriest. I feel like just going over there and taking some food off somebody's plate.

Jerry: I'll tell you what, there's 50 bucks in it for you if you do it.

Elaine: What do you mean?

Jerry: You walk over that table, you pick up an eggroll, you don't say anything, you eat it, say 'thank you very much', wipe your mouth, walk away- I give you 50 bucks.

George: What are they gonna do?

Jerry: They won't do anything; in fact, you'll be giving them a story to tell for the rest of their lives.

Elaine: 50 bucks, you'll give me 50 bucks?

Jerry: 50 bucks. That table over there, the three couples.

Elaine: OK, I don't wanna go over there and do it, and then come back here and find out there was some little loophole, like I didn't put mustard on it or something...

Jerry: No, no tricks.

Elaine: Should I do it, George?

George: For 50 bucks? I'd put my face in the soup and blow.

Elaine: Alright, alright. Here, hold this. I'm doin' it.

(Elaine goes over to the table, smiling)

Elaine (through her teeth): I know this sounds crazy, but the two men who are standing behind me are going to give me 50 bucks if I stand here and eat one of your eggrolls.

(the people at the table are confused)

Elaine (through teeth): I'll give you 25 if you let me do it.

People at table: What? What is she talking about? What did she say?

(Elaine runs from the table, laughing)

I thought there would be many more pages to this thread! :eek:

Aside from the quote on my signature...

"Not that there's anything wrong with that."

"Nothing could be finer than being in your diner."

"You can't even spare a square?"

"I hate asking for change. They always make a face. It's like asking them to donate a kidney."

"I want you to find out if she likes me."
"Find out if she likes you? What, are you in high school?"

"He's a bubble boy! He lives in a bubble!"
"BOY!"

"Did anyone ever tell you that you look just like Al Pacino? Scent of a Woman?"


"It's more like a full-body dry heave set to music."

God there are soooo many more, but I'll think of them later!

Andrea

omg, where to start:

Here's my favorite scene from "The Lip Reader" (with Marlee Matlin), which was just shown on TBS within the last day or so:

we pick it up with George, Jerry and Laura the Lineswoman at the restaurant:
_______________________________________________________


Laura: Uh, oh. That couple is breaking up.

George: They're breaking up? How do you know?

Jerry: She reads lips.

George: What are they saying now?

Laura: "It's not you, it's me."

George: (Holding his drink up to his mouth) Oh my gosh, I just had a great idea. She could come to the party tomorrow and read Gwen's lips for me.

Jerry: (Puts his hand over his mouth) What?

George: (Puts nuts into his mouth, and in the process covers his mouth) We bring her to the party, and she can tell me what Gwen is saying about me.

Jerry: (Holds his drink up to his mouth) She's not a novelty act, George. Where you hire her out for weddings and bar mitzvas.

George: (Puts his hands on his face, rubbing his eyes) Look. It's a skill, just like juggling. She probably enjoys showing it off.

Jerry: (Puts his napkin over his mouth) I don't know George. I'm not sure about this.

George: (Puts his arms in the air, stretching, and covers his mouth with an arm) Could you ask her, just ask her. If she says no, case closed.

Jerry: (Puts his hand on his chin over his mouth) All right.

Jerry: Uh Laura, George was wondering if...

Laura: Sure. I'll do it.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

oh man, I laugh just as much seeing that for the 50th time as I did the first time.



There's lots more, I'll do some searching

From: The Chicken Roaster:

[Jerry is at his apartment door]

Jerry: "By Mennen"

[Jerry notices a red dot on his door, he traces it to Kramer's peep hole,

Jerry then knocks on Kramer's door. When the door is opened a huge red light

is seen, Kramer is there smoking away on a cigar]

Jerry: What's going on in there?

Kramer: What?

Jerry: The light!

Kramer: Oh the red, its the chicken roaster sign, its right across my window.

Jerry: Can't you shut the shades?

Kramer: They are shut, oh yea your friend Seth stopped by.

Jerry: Yea? What'd he say?

Kramer: he was fired.

I love the dialogue in an episode where Jerry and George are looking for a new car in a dealership. George is trying to retrieve a Clark Bar, I believe, that he has already paid for, from a vending machine. The old guy who says: "When I was younger, we used to pay a nickel for a candy bar!" cracks me up every time.

Also everytime Frank and Estelle fights and George says "Alright, Nobody Has To Get Excited Here!!!!!!!!!!!"

Also, in one of Jerry's standups he discusses the driving habits of old people. Classic!

"Master of the House..."

"Who leaves a pony country to come to a non-pony country?"

"The second button literally makes or breaks the shirt. Look at it. It's too high. It's in no-man's land. You look like you live with your mother."

Marlene: "I can't be with someone if I don't respect what they do."
Jerry:"You're a cashier!"

"I'm sorry... the card says moops!"

"Oh, Moses smell the roses!"

"Nothing's finer than eating in your diner!" :rofl:

"You're an anti-dentite!" :rofl:

"SERENITY NOW!"

"Moors/moops"

"Oh, I'm stressed!"

"You had to have the BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG SALAD!!!!" :rofl:

"Hello, Newman."

"It's just Elaine. Like Cher."

"Oh, Jerry."
"Oh....YOU!" - from the Mulva episode

This one is kind of bittersweet because it's the last exchange ever aired on Seinfeld. However, I find it absolutely hilarious! What a way to end such a wonderful show! I've highlighted my favorite parts in red!

Jerry: So what is the deal with the yard? I mean when I was a kid my mother wanted me to play in the yard. But of course she didn't have to worry about my next door neighbor Tommy sticking a shiv in my thigh.
And what's with the lockdown? Why do we have to be locked in our cells? Are we that bad that we have to be sent to prison, in prison?
You would think the weightlifting and the sodomy is enough. So, anyone from Cellblock D?

Prisoner 1: I am.

Jerry: I'll talk slower (. I'm kidding - I love Cellblock D. My friend George is in Cellblock D. What are you in for,sir?

Prisoner 2: Murder one.

Jerry: Murder one? Oooooo, watch out everybody. Better be nice to you. I'm only kidding sir - lighten up. How about

you, what are you in for?

Prisoner 3: Grand theft auto.

Jerry: Grand theft auto - don't steal any of my jokes.

Prisoner 3: You suck - I'm gonna cut you.

Jerry: Hey, I don't come down to where you work, and knock the license plate out of your hand.

Guard: Alright, Seinfeld, that's it. Let's go. Come on.

Jerry: Alright, hey, you've been great! See you in the cafeteria.

That kills me that Kramer is the only one laughing! :lol:

Andrea

Dont for "Oh help me Rhonda".

Beth

"He took it out." - Elaine (:eek: :lol:)

KRAMER: May I have one of those, madam? (:rotflmao: :rofl: :brent )

GEORGE: Madame? What are you calling me madam for?

KRAMER: They're ladies' glasses.

(Kramer takes George's glasses and shows him the inside)

KRAMER: Now look here, see it's right here: Gloria Vanderbilt Collection.

Found another one....

One of my all-time favorite George lines (if not THE favorite)....
"Oh nooooo... I'm sorry, the card says Moops!":rotflmao: :rofl: :brent

"There's no way wine is better than Pepsi"

Elaine's catchphrase: "Get. OUT!"

George: The sea was angry that day, my friends. Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.

The bus was OUTTA control!

You mean he's BALD?!?!?

I like thick lustrous hair.

Baaab-kah

So, you're the Assman.

Who doesn't like a pony? YOU! You don't like a pony.

GEORGE: No, I, uh, um, wa, wa, What did I do? ... Where are you going?

NOEL: I ... am breaking up ... with you!

GEORGE: You can't break up with me. I've got hand.

NOEL: And you're going to need it.

Repeated line:"Yada, yada, yada."

George: "Let me tell you something.. I show up with ring dings and Pepsi, I become the biggest hit of the party!"

FRANK: You sayin you want a piece of me!?

FRANK: I was at the proctologist. I sat on some fusilli.. Ya know the corkscrew pasta? It was a Fusilli Jerry

FRANK: You sayin you want a piece of me!?

Frank said that to Elaine, whose response was "I'll drop you like a bag of dirt."

Frank said that to Elaine, whose response was "I'll drop you like a bag of dirt." YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME!? YOU GOT IT!

George - "Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it."

George: "The Jon Voigt car is no more."

From The Smelly Car one

Jerry -"So when somebody has B.O., the O usually stays with the B. Once the B leaves, the O goes with it."

I can feel his blood inside of me, borrowing things from my blood.

`Jerry about Kramer in The Blood

Sidra (to Jerry): "And by the way: They're real, and they're spectacular."

Jerry: "How can that be?"

Elaine: "Oh, it be".

George Costanza: Soda. S-O-D-A. Soda.
Carrie: I don't know, it sounds a little strange.
George Costanza: All names sound strange the first time you hear 'em. What, are you telling me people loved the name Blanche the first time they heard it?

Kramer - "She needs a little Kramer."
Jerry - "Then she'll need a little SHOT of penicillin."

Rachel - "Oh my god! I thought this was the baby's room. I'm really sorry!"
George - I was in the pool! I was in the pool!

"If it was a regular salad I wouldn't have said anything. But noooooo! You had to have the BIIIIIGGGGG salad!"
http://24.media.tumblr.com/10fcf99199681443bee1f51e6d20a81d/tumblr_mgv52sL1O11s3hkaco1_500.png

George: "No one's a bigger idiot than me."

Jerry (to George): " You know...I used to think that the universe is a random, chaotic scene of events. But I see now that there is reason and purpose to all things."

George: "What happened to you?" Jerry: "Religion, my friend, that's what happened to me."

Jerry: "I AM NOT AN ANIMAL."

Jerry: "What's this show about?" George: "It's about nothing."

George: "I could be a character."

George: "Kramer." Jerry: "Now he's a character."

George (to Jerry): "Touch this, feel that, 75 bucks."

Kramer: "I'm out."

Elaine: "And then there were three."

Jerry (to George): "But are you still master of your domain?" George: "I am king of the county. You?" Jerry: "Lord of the manor."

Elaine: " John F. Kennedy Jun-yah."

Jerry (to Elaine): "The question is: Are you still the master of your domain?" Elaine: "I'm queen of the castle."

(Elaine enters...) George: "You caved?" Jerry: "It's over?" George: "You're out?" Jerry: "Oh. My. God the queen is dead."

Jerry: "Alright, Costanza, it's you and me." George: "And then - there were two."

A Kramer quote/line:

A George quote:

Funny quotes/lines from George & Jerry

http://i361.photobucket.com/albums/oo59/1957Girl/Misc/e7f4c59b-88e6-46b1-b3ca-261a26dfa085.jpg

Frank: "My George isn't clever enough to hatch a scheme like this." Elaine: "You got that right." Frank: "What the hell does that mean?" Elaine: "It means whatever the hell you want it to mean."

Jerry: "But he's an old man, Elaine." Elaine: "Well, he wrote the check. And I cashed it."

An Elaine quote:

A George quote:

Another Summer of George quote:

Elaine (to waitress): "You know, sex in a tub. That's how it works."

More quotes/lines from Seinfeld.

Who Said It: Elaine From “Seinfeld” Or Selina From “Veep?” (http://www.buzzfeed.com/bricesander/who-said-it-elaine-from-seinfeld-or-selina-from-veep)

I don't think I've ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up. –George Costanza

Kramer & Jerry quotes:

An Elaine quote:

A George quote:

You gotta see the baby!

An Elaine quote:

A funny George line/quote:

. elaines mechanic boyfreind. whats his name again? - "thats right"

http://i.imgur.com/rN89ecx.jpg (http://lunapic.com)

"I have a pony!"

"Oh yeah, I'm stressed."

"I thought they would be comfortable, but they're not."
(George in Dinner Party after Kramer comments that he likes his shoes).

"Feels like a sauna in here."

Kramer " These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty"

Elaine:
"Here's to those who wish us well...
"And those who don't can go to hell."

(Elaine's dancing.)
George: "Sweet. Fancy. Moses!"

George (to Jerry): "Have you ever seen Elaine dance?"
Jerry: "Elaine danced?"
George: "It was more like a full body dry heave set to music."

Jerry: "Did she do the little kicks and the thumbs?"
George: "What, you mean you know about this?"
Jerry: "For some time."

A Kramer quote:

A George quote:

Kramer: (singing) "The woman across the street's got nothing on, nothing on, nothing on..."

I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham. – George Costanza

Firefighter: (to George) "How can you live with yourself?"
George: "It's not easy."

Jerry when he's describing the massive B.O. trapped in his car and the effects after he opens the door the next day.... "... like a punch in the face.... it had gained power"!

Elaine: "I'll never understand people."
Jerry: "They're the worst."

Jerry: "I've looked into his eyes. He's pure evil."

George Costanza: Only I could fail at failing.

Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia? – George Costanza

The cat - mrrreeeooowww - is out of the bag! –Kramer

Let's watch them slice this fat bastard up. –Jerry Seinfeld

Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it. – George Costanza

George: "These pretzels are making me thirsty!!"

Just remember, when you control the mail, you control... information. –Newman

Here's to those who wish us well, and those who don't can go to hell.

--ELAINE BENES

Jerry: It was unprecedented. I mean, it was the first truly mutual breakup in relationship history. No rejection, no guilt, no remorse.

Elaine: You've never felt remorse.

Jerry: I know. I feel bad about that.

Jerry: (Crying) What--what is this salty discharge?

If you know what happened in the Mets game don't tell me, I taped it. Hello? – Jerry Seinfeld

Jerry: It's an exclamation point! It's a line with a dot underit.

Elaine: Well, I felt a call for one.

Jerry: A call for one, you know I thought I've heard everything.I've never heard a relationship being affected by a punctuation.

Elaine: I found it very troubling that he didn't use one.

You very bad man, Jerry. Very bad man. – Babu Bhatt

JERRY: Boy, I never broke up with anyone for not tasting pie!

ELAINE: I once broke up with someone for not offering me pie.

George Costanza: You've got to apologize.
Jerry: Why?
George Costanza: Because it’s the mature and adult thing to do.
Jerry: How does that affect me?

Jerry: "It doesn't offend me as a Jewish person, it offends me as a comedian."

Newman: "What took you so long?"

George: You’ve got to apologize.

Jerry: Why?

George: Because it’s the mature and adult thing to do.

Jerry: How does that affect me?

Kramer : Hey buddy. I am waiting for my shirt.

Jerry : You got your shirt in my oven !?!

Kramer : I didn't have any quarters for the dryer . Anyway this is better. And it's more convenient.

Hey! what's the deal with decaf? How do they get the caffeine out of there and then where does it go?

— Jeannie Steinman

George Costanza: "I've driven women to lesbianism before, but never a mental institution."

Jerry: "Booze is not a religion."

Repeated lines:
Newman: "Hello, Jerry."
Jerry: "Hello, Newman."

Jerry: "Not that there's anything wrong with that."

Soup Nazi: "NO SOUP FOR YOU!"

Jerry: "That Arabian's strong coffee."
Elaine: "It's PLO blend."

George: "Hitting is not about muscle. It's simple physics. Calculate the velocity, V, in relation to the trajectory, T, in which G, Gravity, remains a constant."
(hits a home run.)

Derek Jeter: "Hey, we won the World Series."
George: (derisively)"In six games."
(hits another home run.)

Jerry: Oh right, the new job. How is it?
George Costanza: I love it. New office, new salary, I'm the new Wilhelm.
Jerry: So who's the new you?
George Costanza: We got an intern from Francis-Louis High. His name is Keith. He comes in Mondays after school.

Frank Costanza: I have been performing feats of strength all morning.

Kramer:

It became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I've made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat - it's all been wrong.
– George Costanza

Elaine:

“I’m speechless. I’m without speech.”

“People don’t turn down money! It’s what separates us from the animals.” – Jerry

Boy, these pretzels are makin' me thirsty. –Kramer

“You’re through, Soup Nazi. Pack it up. No more soup for you. Next!” – Elaine

Man: (o.s.)"Hey! The assman's in town."
Kramer: "You got that straight."

George: "I think that's mine!"
Elaine: "I'm not surprised."

Frank: "He stopped short?... That's mine... I'm gonna kill him."

Kramer: (to Jerry)"See, this is why you should get a fax, and a Xerox."
Jerry: "And a dead bolt."

https://static.twentytwowords.com/cdn-cgi/image/width=675,quality=85,fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect/https://static.twentytwowords.com/wp-content/uploads/Best-Seinfeld-Quotes4.jpg

Kramer: (to Elaine) "That ain't dancin', Sally."

(Elaine starts dancing.)
Jerry: "Uh, uh. Please, please. Not in my home."

Elaine: "You were big."
Jerry: "I'm still big. It's the bootlegs that got smaller."

Elaine: "You know, sometimes when I think you're the shallowest man I've ever met, you somehow manage to drain a little more out of the pool."

“The sea was angry that day, my friends...” George

Elaine:

Elaine Benes:

Jerry and Kramer:

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/87/76/d1/8776d10ade8b7822fc7aac887214563d.jpg

“You’re through, Soup Nazi. Pack it up. No more soup for you. Next!” – Elaine

Kramer: "Ma?"
Babs Kramer: "Cosmo."
George: "Cosmo?"

George: "I, uh... got the first name."
Jerry: "What?"
Elaine: "You found out Kramer's first name?"

Jerry: "What is it?"
Elaine: "What?"
George: "Cosmo."

Jerry:

“Oh I gotta get on that internet, I’m late on everything!”

Elaine: “I'm Queen of the castle.”

The cat - mrrreeeooowww - is out of the bag! –Kramer

If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side. –Kramer

George: Why do they make the condom packets so hard to open?
Jerry: Probably to give the woman a chance to change her mind.

“Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.” – George

“It’s the best part. It’s crunchy, it’s explosive, it’s where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I’ll tell you. That’s a million-dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.” – Elaine

Jerry: You will be stunned.
Elaine: Stunned by soup?
Jerry: You can't eat this soup standing up. Your knees buckle.

Soup Nazi: No soup for you!

Here's to feeling good all the time. –Kramer

“I'm Cosmo Kramer, the Assman!”

See, this is what the holidays are all about. Three buddies sitting around chewing gum.

- Kramer

“Ah, I’m not too worried about it.” -Kruger

I use that one occasionally in real life.

Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it. – George Costanza

“Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.” – Jerry

George Costanza: You've got to apologize.
Jerry: Why?
George Costanza: Because it’s the mature and adult thing to do.
Jerry: How does that affect me?

Jerry’s sarcastic “That’s a shame.” I just used that today.

If you know what happened in the Mets game don't tell me, I taped it. Hello? – Jerry Seinfeld

George: (on Kramer): “He stole your girlfriend?”
Susan: “Yes. She’s in love with him.”
George: “Amazing. I drive them to lesbianism, he brings ’em back.”

All right, hey, you've been great! See you at the cafeteria. –Jerry Seinfeld

George & Kramer:

George:

George: I had to eat at Reggie's, Jerry. REGGIE'S!

It became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I've made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat - it's all been wrong.
– George Costanza

"My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents."
"I'm Victoria. Hi!!"

“A bra is for ladies. I’m talking about a support undergarment specifically designed for men.” — Kramer

Newman: (singing) Yes, you're once, twice, three times (truck sets on fire) ... AAHH, AAHH, AAHH, OH THE HUMANITY!

“People on dates shouldn’t even be allowed out in public.” — Jerry

Kramer about Elaine traveling with Putty..."That guys coming back in a body bag"

George Costanza: I want to make a good entrance. I never makes good entrances.
Jerry: You have made some good exits.

'Wow, now that guy got canned.

Kramer: "You ever dream in 3-D? It's like the boogeyman is coming right at you."

MUST MISS!!!!

Frank: "Serenity Now! Serenity now!"

Frank: "SERENITY NOWWW!"

Patty: (to Jerry)"I'd like to see you get really mad."

George: (to Jerry)"Why does she want you to be mad?"
Jerry: "She says I suppress my emotions."
George: "Since when do you care what she thinks?"

Jerry: (sarcastically)"Sorry. I'm fixing a screen door in The Bronx."

Frank: (repeated line)"Serenity now!"

Jerry: "One percent?! They can can kiss one percent of my ass!"

Patty: "That's good."
Jerry: "Really? It felt good."

Jerry: "He's not just a man, he's a man's man."

Jerry: "Patty showed me how to get mad. You got a problem with that?"

George: (to Frank)"He was in a mental institution."
Frank: "I didn't read his resume."

Adam: "I renounce my religion."

George: "SERENITY NOWWW!"

Elaine: "Jerry, you break up with a girl every week."

Jerry: "This is horrible! I care."

Kramer: "It's like Endora's box."
Jerry: "That was the mother on Bewitched. You mean 'Pandora'."
Kramer: "Yeah, well, she had one too."

Jerry: "I'm so lucky to have a friend like you, Jerry."

Mr. Littman: "I renounce Judaism."
Elaine: "Oy, vey."

Kramer: "Serenity now... Serenity now, serenity now.... Serenity now... Serenity now."

Kramer: "Serenity."

Lloyd Braun: "Serenity now, insanity later."

Jerry: "He's incorrigable."

Elaine: "What happened to the new Jerry?"
Jerry: "He doesn't work here anymore."

Patty: "What is this?"
Jerry: "Anytown U.S.A."

George: "When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy."

Jerry: "It's just a corrective device."

Kramer: "I talk the talk, and i walk the walk."

Elaine: "The Today sponge."

Susan: "Oh, how could he be so vain?"

Elaine: "Hey, man, woman are really loyal to their birth control methods. What does Susan use?"

Susan: "I-I love the sponge! I need the sponge!"

George: "Susan loves the sponge."

Jerry: "You can't have sex with someone you admire."

Kramer: "Well, who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint, it's delicious!"
Jerry: "That's true."
Kramer: "It's very refreshing!"

Jerry: "It's a Junior Mint."

Jerry: "I was screaming at hecklers all night."

Jerry: "There's a G-spot."
George: "That's a myth."

Elaine: "I don't have a fax machine."
Jerry: "Here we go..."

Kramer: "I hate the counter."

Jerry: "Sounds like he runs a real tight ship."

Cindy: "I made the bed..."
Jerry: "But you took a nap in it."

George: “I have a sixth sense.”
Jerry: “Cheapness is not a sense.”

Frank: "I got a lot of problems with you people".

You know, it's so nice when it happens good. –Jerry Seinfeld

George: "The biggest loser in the history of American literature."

Kramer: "I haven't had a decent sandwich in thirteen years."
Jerry: "Neither have I."

Photo Clerk: (to George)"You really lost a lot of hair."
George: "I AM AWARE!!"

Jerry: "I still got it."

Mr. Kruger: (to George)"You have lost a lot of hair."
George: "That's what they tell me!"

George: "Kramer goes to a fantasy camp. His whole life is a fantasy camp."

Jerry: MUST MISS! (shouted during coming attractions)

(Last line of the series.)
Jerry: "Hey, you've been great. See you in the cafeteria."

(First lines of the series.)
Jerry: ""You know what this is all about? Do you know why we're all here? To be out."

(First line of the series)
Seems to me, that button is in the worst possible spot.

You very bad man, Jerry. Very bad man. – Babu Bhatt

GEORGE: Every woman on the face of the earth has complete control of my life. And yet, I want them all.. is that irony?

George Costanza: What kind of a person are you?
Jerry: I think I'm pretty much like you, only successful.

TONY: Jerry, motor oil is the lifeblood of a car. Okay, you put in a low-grade oil, you could damage vital engine parts. Okay. See this gasket? I have no confidence in that gasket.

A few that come to mind!

George: (*referring to the Pez dispenser*) "How could you do that?"
Jerry: "It was just an impulse!"
George: "What kind of SICK impulse is that?"

Jerry: "She's burned into my memory."
Kramer: "Ooooh...MEMORY burn..."

George: (*impersonating the neo-Nazi*) "You know who invented Astro-Turf? The Jews!"

Girl at Law Firm: "I didn't know engineers built railroads."
George: "They...can."

Elaine: Kramer, we like her.

Jerry: Kramer? What did we say that's so bad?

Elaine: I believe I referred to her personality as a potential science exhibit.

Jerry: I said, "How come no one's killed her?" Probably shouldn't have said
anything, everyone knows the first break-up never takes.

Jerry: Is that your "chicken" making all that noise?
Kramer: Oh, Little Jerry loves the morning.
Jerry: Who?
Kramer: Little Jerry Seinfeld. Yeah I named my chicken after you.

George: Yeah. I love Hampton tomatoes. You know, you can eat 'em like apples. You know it's funny, the tomato never took off as a hand fruit.

Jerry: Well, the tomato's an anomaly. So successful with the ketchup and the sauce, but you can't find a good one.

Jerry: "I was screaming at hecklers all night. Last time I open for a rodeo."

Kramer: "See, this is why you should get a fax, and a Xerox."
Jerry: "And a deadbolt."

Kramer: "Must be at the nexus of the universe."

Maxwell: "I'm an independent contractor. Tax purposes."

Jerry: "It's like watching an animal get tortured."

GEORGE: Remember that summer at Dairy Queen where I cooled my feet in the soft-serve machine?

Kramer: "The Dewey decimal system. What a scam that was."

Kramer: "Look at her. She's a lonely woman looking for companionship."

Kramer: "The library investigator's name is actually 'Bookman'?"
Marion: "It's true."

George: "There's an incidence I'd rather not discuss."

George: "As I said, the guy had it in for me."

Elaine: "Why do they call it a wedgie?"
George: "Because the underwear is pulled up in the back until it... wedges in."

Elaine: "We just tease someone until they develop an eating disorder."

Lt. Bookman: (to Jerry): "Got any coffee?"

Bookman: "I don't judge a man by the length of his hair or the kind of music he listens to; rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes when you walk into the New York Public Library, fella."

Jerry: "It was George!"

Kramer: "The library's kind of a cool place when it's closed."

Bookman: "Hard feelings? What do you know about feelings?"

Jerry: "That is one tough monkey."

You know, it's so nice when it happens good. –Jerry Seinfeld

GEORGE: How could you not know who Bozo the Clown is?

ERIC: I don't know, I just don't.

GEORGE: How can you call yourself a clown and not know who Bozo is?

ERIC: Hey, man - what are you hassling me for? This is just a gig, it's not my life. I don't know who Bozo is, what - is he a clown?

GEORGE: Is he a clown? What, are you kidding me!?

ERIC: Well, what is he?

GEORGE: Yes, he's a clown!

ERIC: Alright, so what's the big deal! There's millions of clowns!

GEORGE: Alright, just forget it.

ERIC: Me forget it? You should forget it! You're livin' in the past, man! You're hung up on some clown from the sixties, man!

Kramer: C’mon, what’d you say?
George: Mulva!
Jerry: Mulva?

Jerry: Just a movie?! You don't understand. This isn't 'Plans 1 through 8

from Outer Space', this is 'Plan 9', this is the one that worked. The worst

movie ever made!

Lloyd Braun:
You know, you should tell your dad that 'serenity now' thing doesn't work. It just bottles up the anger, and eventually, you blow.

George Costanza:
What do you know? You were in the nut house.

Lloyd Braun:
What do you think put me there?

George Costanza:
I heard they found a family in your freezer.

Lloyd Braun:
Serenity now. Insanity later.

JERRY: I don't wanna mix in everything! My guys don't know your guys. You

can't just lock 'em all in the same machine together. They'll start a

riot.

GEORGE: Yeah, yeah. I have a thing for Marisa Tomei. Like she would ever go out with a short, stocky, bald man.

Gennice: "You can all go straight to Hell!"

Kramer: "(to Bette Midler) "You are so freaking talented."

With a little guidance, Steven Koren is going to be everything I claim to be, only for real.

Kramer: "I live for Merlot."

Kramer: "People want to know the stories behind the stories."

Jerry: "What's the deal with airplane peanuts?"

Businessman to George: If you're one of us, you'll take a bite.

Jerry: (to Ray)"Shouldn't you be out on a ledge somewhere?"

Jerry: "Sid left the keys in the car."

Kramer: "I got a quality."

Jerry: "But the reservation keeps the car here!"

Elaine: "I just don't enjoy being with him."

Kramer: "...'Boy, these pretzels are makin' me thirsty.'"

Repeated line: "These pretzels are makin' me thirsty."

George: "'These pretzels... are makin' me thirsty!'"

If you're a spirit, and you can travel
to other dimensions and galaxies...

and find out the mysteries
of the universe...

you think she'll be at Drexler's
Funeral Home on Ocean Parkway?

George, I met this woman. She is not
travelling to any other dimensions.

Kramer: (to Jerry)"Well, come on. man, help a brother out."

Repeated line: "It's go time."

Elaine: "It's just a stupid movie."

Waitress: "Well, I liked it."

George: "There's a new Neal in town!"

Izzy Mandelbaum: "I got married in high school."

J. Peterman: "And I thought I knew what love was."

Kramer: "That's why you've gotta get real Cubans."

Where do you come off
going rock climbing?

Rock climbing?

You need a boost
to climb into your bed.

Newman: "The day will come, ohhh, yes!, mark my words, Seinfeld. Your day of reckoning is coming, when an evil wind will blow through your little ______
world, and wipe that smile off your face.

"And I'll be there, in all my glory!, watching, watching! as it all comes tumbling down."

Jerry: (to George)"Your misery is my pleasure."

To me, the most annoying thing...

about the couple of times
I did work in an office...

is when you go in in the morning,
you say "hi" to everyone...

and then, throughout the day...

you have to continue
to greet these people...

all day, every time you see them.

"Morning, Bill." "Morning, Bob."
"How you doing?" "Fine."

Ten minutes later, you see them
in the hall, "How you doing?"

Every time you pass, you've gotta
come up with another greeting.

You start racking your brains.

You do the little eyebrow,
you know, "Hey."

You start coming up
with nicknames for them.

"Jimbo."

How you doing?

Frank Costanza: Let me understand, you got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So, who's having sex with the hen?

George Costanza: Why don't we talk about it another time.

Frank Costanza: But you see my point here? You only hear of a hen, a rooster and a chicken. Something's missing!

Mrs. Ross: Something's missing all right.

Mr. Ross: They're all chickens. The rooster has sex with all of them.

Frank Costanza: That's perverse.

Were you supposed
to meet a Jake Jarmel here?

- Yeah.
- I'm afraid he's been in an accident.

- An accident? What happened?
- He got sideswiped by a cab...

but he's all right.

He's in St. Vincent Hospital, room 907.

Okay, thank you.

Could I have a box of Jujyfruits?

How can you have hand like scissors, huh?

Did you ever think about what you're going to do on the toilet

That Johnny Depp, he make me cry.

Jerry: "And then there's Maude."

George: (sarcastically)"Good for the tuna."

I'll eat anywhere,
whatever they're having.

I've eaten rolls off of
room-service trays in hotel hallways.

I have. That's not a joke.

This is my life.

If you named a kid Rasputin...

do you think that would have
a negative effect on his life?

Jerry: "Wood is good."

Susan: "Elaine just opened her vault."

Seinfeld's George Costanza Enters Street Fighter With His Most Famous Quote (https://screenrant.com/seinfeld-george-costanza-street-fighter-art-jerk-store/)

A fun new piece of fan art imagines Jason Alexander’s George Costanza entering the world of Street Fighter, and it features his most iconic quote.

Jerry: "Game over."

Kramer: Heeey, no-bagel-no-bagel-no-bagel-no-bagel-no-bagel, heey!

- Hey, Kramer...

have you ever killed a man?

What do you think?

You think these hands have been
soaking in lvory Liquid, huh?

George: "Of course, I'm the result of my parents having stayed together, so you never know."

Russell: "Get a good look, Costanza?"

This is what my life has come to:
Trying to meet a mute.

~George

We had a big fight,
she threw me out...

I started walking
and now I'm lost downtown.

I don't have any money.
I don't recognize anybody.

Kramer

You know, it's so nice when it happens good. – Jerry

I'm going to the bathroom.

Jerry, how long are you
gonna be in there?

I don't know, regular human time.

Jerry: "An overdose of odor. Good question."

Kramer: "Boy, I really owned that scene."

I really like depriving myself of things.
It's fun. Very monastic.
- Well, what do you eat?
- It's all fresh. Fresh fish, fresh fowl, fresh fruit.
I buy it. I eat it.

Seinfeld: The 15 Funniest George Costanza Quotes (https://screenrant.com/seinfeld-george-costanza-quotes-best/)

As one of the greatest sitcom characters of all-time, it stands to reason that Seinfeld's George Costanza has some great quotes!

Let's just jump out of the car.

We're doing 60 miles an hour.

So we jump and roll.
You won't get hurt.

Who are you, Mannix?

Jerry: (to Elaine)"I just can't see you with a mechanic."

George: "She's not out there."

Elaine: "He did the move."

Jerry: "David Puddy used my move?"
Elaine: "Yes."
Jerry: "I can't believe it! He stole my move."

Kramer: "It's Fusilli Jerry!"

Jerry: "I'll tell you where I'd like to stick it."

Jerry: "Without the ending it's nothing."

Estelle: (to Frank)"You can't face the fact that I'm improving myself."

Frank: "'Assman'? I'll give him Assman!"

Frank: (to Kramer)"How dare you stop short with my wife!"

George: "What was wrong with that? I have a different interpretation."

Jerry: "I would know if I had a blender."

Why must you always be
the focal point of attention?

Why can't you just be?
Why can't you live?

Helen: "Jerry, we don't care much for the Costanzas."

Morty: "I say that guy was painting without his glasses."

Jerry: "This is like the meeting of Smith and Wesson."

Morty: "I came home one night, and I tripped over one of his toys. So, I took off my belt, just to threaten him, and I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror."

Jerry: "It has a certain understated stupidity."

Frank: "A Festivus for the rest of us!"

Frank: "Festivus is back!"

Mr. Kruger: (to Frank)"I find your belief system fascinating."

Kramer: "It's a Festivus miracle!"

Kramer: "Another Festivus miracle!"

Kramer: "Frank, no offense but this holiday is a little (makes noises) out there."

Frank: "This is the best Festivus ever!"

Did I frighten you?
I may look weird, but I'm just like you.

I'm just a regular guy, just trying
to make it in this business.

“What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses — like they’re trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?” — Jerry

Wait till you see the dress
that she's got. It's backless.

I'm finally gonna make
a great entrance.

~Kramer

"Nothing could be finer than being in your diner."
I love "Nothing could be finer than being in your diner". I couldn't understand why Elaine and Jerry thought it was so lame that he wanted the picture back. It's great.

Jerry, we don't care much for the Costanzas.

We can't stand them.

Boy, these pretzels are makin' me thirsty. – Kramer

Where is this guy? I hate this.

I should have brought something
to read.

"Cancer in laboratory animals."

Excuse me. Elaine Benes?

This Throwaway Seinfeld Line Is So Much Darker Than Fans Realize (https://www.cbr.com/seinfeld-elaine-serial-killer-dark-humor-joke/)

Dating a man sharing a name with a serial killer, Elaine drops name suggestions. But his new name ends up being associated with another murderer.

Jerry: So, do you date immature men?
Vanessa: Almost exclusively.

“What could possess anyone to throw a party? I mean, to have a bunch of strangers treat your house like a hotel room.” — Jerry Seinfeld

The IRS...they're like the Mafia. They take anything they want.

“Oh I gotta get on that internet, I'm late on everything!” — Jerry Seinfeld

Maybe coffee was coffee.

Coffee's coffee in the morning.

It's not coffee
at 12:00 at night.

"I love a good nap. Sometimes, it's the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning." - George Costanza