with kids and those contemplating having children someday.

I used to say when I was young, that when I have kids I was never going to do things like my family did with me. NEVER SAY NEVER PEOPLE!!! I went to catholic school and hated it sometimes. I promised myself I would never send my kids to private school. Guess what? I did. My oldest went strictly to catholic school and catholic high school. She loved it. My other daughter went up to fifth grade and then she wanted to go to public. I did it.
I trust my daughters 200 percent. Alot of parents can't say that abt their kids.

Other than that (i am sure there are other things I do like my family) I am a cool mom. My daughters' friends are always telling me they wish their mom was like me. I trust my daughters and I believe that is why they are so open to me and talk to me abt anything. When my teen daughter came out and told me she was gay, it was no big thing to me. I was like, "Oh, ok" "so what did you have to tell me???" This was something I had planned when I first became a parent. I told myself that no matter what situation, dilemna, problem, issue my children had or were facing, I would be open-minded and not allow things like hate, anger, stupidity, etc. get in the way of being there for my kids. Too many kids face so many things and the one thing they want is to be able to have a parent that will listen to them and not chastise them.

While I don't want to raise my kids like my parents raised me, I also don't want to be considered "cool" by them either. You live under my roof, you do things my way. That's just me, I really don't want to be their friend. I am a parent and I think if kids think you are there friend they start to walk over you a bit. I want a close relationship with my children, but I want there to be a line drawn.

I'd MUCH rather have a cool parent who thinks of me as a "friend", then someone who only thinks of me as someone to give orders to.

I would like a balance somewhere between the discipline and being considered a 'friend'. That they can see I try to keep them straight but that they can also trust me.

I'd MUCH rather have a cool parent who thinks of me as a "friend", then someone who only thinks of me as someone to give orders to.


Of course you do, because you are very young. When you get older you'll see the difference. It isn't about giving orders, it's about living by the rules of the house. Parents don't give orders just to thump on their chests and feel strong. They do it to protect their children. It is what it is.

Well, if I ever did have children (which I'm not planning to, by the way...but things/feelings may change), I plan to raise them in an open-minded environment. I love to write (and have wanted to write ever since I was a child) and I always wished my parents could've fostered an environment for that. Being supportive of my likes/dislikes, choices, my writing ability, etc....I'd want my own kids to know that I'd love them no matter what they chose to do in life or what sexuality they were, etc.

However, I would also try to draw a line between too friendly and too tyranical...a kid needs that balance.

Well, if I ever did have children (which I'm not planning to, by the way...but things/feelings may change), I plan to raise them in an open-minded environment. I love to write (and have wanted to write ever since I was a child) and I always wished my parents could've fostered an environment for that. Being supportive of my likes/dislikes, choices, my writing ability, etc....I'd want my own kids to know that I'd love them no matter what they chose to do in life or what sexuality they were, etc.

However, I would also try to draw a line between too friendly and too tyranical...a kid needs that balance.
You sound like what I said before I had kids. My teen daughter dresses a certain way, has a piercing on her lip, has great friends, etc. I can't see why I should put my foot down on how one dresses, it's their feeling of expression. she knows there is a time and a place for such clothes. I have been told time and time again that I have wonderful girls and how lucky I am. I always tell people, I am not lucky, I am blessed. I have raised two daughters that don't smoke, don't drugs, don't have sex, are very open with me, two ladies I trust more than any man in the world. My boyfriend would constantly tell me when he was having major issues with his girls, "Why can't my girls behave like yours?" I told him that it takes alot of work and of course discipline. My girls know that behaving a certain way gets them alot of positive things in life. They are not greedy. They are not materialistic. They have what they have because they have earned those things. But most of all, they have me in their life, they have my family and they have God in their lives. I have never ever hit my eldest daughter. She is going to be 22 on Sunday and she has been thru thick and thin with me. Alot of girls would have taken the negative route in life, instead, she and I together helped save us from alot of crap that had been dealt to us by their father.

two ladies I trust more than any man in the world.
thats deep.


If i ever have kids I would want my kid to be my friend than be afraid of me or something.Thats just me...

I will want my kids to be afraid of me if they get in trouble and not like "oh my dad won't do anything to me if I do something bad." I also want to have respect. My kids will be polite to adults. All I ask for is respect and for them to be afraid of the consequences if they do something wrong.

Well, I definately won't raise my kids around fighting and anxiety when I have them...but I'm sure there's a lot of things I'll do the same as my parents. Just never have them go through some of the things I did. I'll marry a nice guy, not my dad.

I've had so many problems with my parents, I don't even think I can raise kids. I wouldn't know what's right or not because I would want to do it the EXACT opposite of my parents. I'm too afraid I might end up like them.

The worse mistake one can make is to be a" friend" to one's child, That child needs a parent. Not a friend. (whether they realize this or not);) I was a child of the 50's and believe me , my children of the 70's/80's sure were in a different world than I was raised! I tried to raise them as I was raised but it didn't exactly work out.:lol: But truth be told we only know what we know and we hope for the best! But all in all they are both doing fine, Not because I was a "friend" but because my husband and I were parents. I love and appreciate my own parents who kept me from doing really stupid things when I was young and when I thought that I knew best!:rolleyes: Be a parent! Not a friend!:D

I'll probably do a lot of the same things my parents did with me. My mom is my best friend, and I'd like to have a relationship like that with my child. However, I'd also want a child who is a lot like me, in that they never really get into trouble, smart enough to stay away from the "bad" kids, etc, but I know I'll end up with something totally opposite, which at this point, I don't think I'd handle real well.

I'll probably be a terrible mother. Good thing I see a spinster future.

I think the ideal is to have parents who you obey and fear when you've done something wrong, but at the same time can feel like they're your friend as well. My parents were very strict with me (it carried over until I was about 20), but at the same time I felt like they were also my friends and I think the balance between the two worked for the best and probably plays into why I miss my mother the way I do because I loved her as a dear friend as much as my parent

I think the ideal is to have parents who you obey and fear when you've done something wrong, but at the same time can feel like they're your friend as well. My parents were very strict with me (it carried over until I was about 20), but at the same time I felt like they were also my friends and I think the balance between the two worked for the best and probably plays into why I miss my mother the way I do because I loved her as a dear friend as much as my parent
Yeah, me too. I got into my share of trouble (I got yelled at something awful once for telling my dad I hated him once when he punished me for something else...bad move on my part), and I was always getting threatened with "I'll take your *blank* away, but my parents were still my friends.

Trust me, threatening to take my TV was a huge scare. :lol:

Yeah, me too. I got into my share of trouble (I got yelled at something awful once for telling my dad I hated him once when he punished me for something else...bad move on my part), and I was always getting threatened with "I'll take your *blank* away, but my parents were still my friends.

Trust me, threatening to take my TV was a huge scare. :lol:

my parents took my MTV away when I was eight but I quickly found a glitch where I could sneak and watch it, and I did that for a year or two before MTV changed channel numbers and I had it back....

for the kids of today who don't understand the importance of sneaking to watch MTV when your mom wasn't in the room... MTV used to actually not suck kids :lol:

My parents weren't my friends while they were raising me. They were parents who disciplined and set boundaries for us in a loving way, most of the time. I had friends. I wanted parents.

The friendship came when I became an adult. I thanked them many times for not letting me do any stupid thing I wanted to. I've read many times that kids actually want to be disciplined.

Well my son is only 3 weeks old and I'm already doing things differently than my mother did with me. For example neither my mother or my grandmother believed in letting babies use pacifiers. I give my son a pacifier all the time. If it helps to comfort him and stop him from crying I think that's a good thing. My mom just believed in letting the kid cry themselves to sleep and didn't think you should have to pop something in their mouth to keep them quiet. I also use a playpen, something my mom also did but I notice a lot of parents today don't like them and just let their kid crawl all over the floor.
When my baby gets older I may do some of the same things my mom did. Like we always had to pick up our toys and keep our room clean and we weren't allowed to run all over the house. Some other stuff my mom did with us I don't agree with and won't do with my kids like hitting them all the time and forcing them to eat everything on their plate. I will also try to be a friend to my children. I think it's possible to be both friend and parent. If my kids need to ask questions about sex, drugs whatever I want to be the one to tell them about it and I will assure them that it's ok to ask those types of questions. With my parents we weren't allowed to really talk about sex and I ended up learning about it from all the wrong sources.

Well my son is only 3 weeks old and I'm already doing things differently than my mother did with me. For example neither my mother or my grandmother believed in letting babies use pacifiers. I give my son a pacifier all the time. If it helps to comfort him and stop him from crying I think that's a good thing. My mom just believed in letting the kid cry themselves to sleep and didn't think you should have to pop something in their mouth to keep them quiet. I also use a playpen, something my mom also did but I notice a lot of parents today don't like them and just let their kid crawl all over the floor.
When my baby gets older I may do some of the same things my mom did. Like we always had to pick up our toys and keep our room clean and we weren't allowed to run all over the house. Some other stuff my mom did with us I don't agree with and won't do with my kids like hitting them all the time and forcing them to eat everything on their plate. I will also try to be a friend to my children. I think it's possible to be both friend and parent. If my kids need to ask questions about sex, drugs whatever I want to be the one to tell them about it and I will assure them that it's ok to ask those types of questions. With my parents we weren't allowed to really talk about sex and I ended up learning about it from all the wrong sources.
I see you think like me. My children have never said "I have a cool mom". Their friends have said that to them. They know that I may be dissappointed in choices they make, but I am their mother and I love them. They will make wrong choices or decisions and they will only learn from mistakes. No one is perfect. I am not a perfect parent. I have made alot of mistakes. I just feel that when I was growing up, I couldn't tell my parent(s) certain things. One time I asked abt body hair, pubic hair, etc. and a look was given to me with the following question "Why do you ask, do you have hair there already!?" lol "No" but it was a curiosity I had and rather than ask a friend, I had hoped to get an answer that was honest. My kids know they can come to me and ask questions abt anything and know that I won't give them a tone or attitude, give a shocked look or expression, etc. I will answer them honestly and forthright. When the time came I knew I wanted to divorce my girls' father, I approached my eldest daughter who was 14 at the time and I talked to her abt my decision. I asked her what her feelings were. She told me "Do what you need to do for yourself, don't worry abt us (meaning her and her sister) and don't stay with him because of us, leave him if you don't love him anymore." I couldn't have asked for a better response from anyone.

I think it's possible to be both friend and parent.

I do too. That's what my parents did, and while I have my problems, I'm a pretty decent person. I think a lot of kids have no problems asking friends about whatever, and I want my kids to consider me that way, so that I know they're getting good info.

My mom grew up scared of her mother. She wouldn't bring friends home, tried to stay away from home, etc. And now, my mom basically only respects her mom for the fact that she is her mom. My aunt told my mom that my grandma was probably jealous of my mom and me, because we're best friends, and my mom basically tells grandma nothing. I don't want to end up with crap like that.

My mom grew up scared of her mother. She wouldn't bring friends home, tried to stay away from home, etc. And now, my mom basically only respects her mom for the fact that she is her mom.

That's exactly how it is with me and my mom. We haven't even spoken in over two years and much of that has to do with unresolved issues from childhood.

I do too. That's what my parents did, and while I have my problems, I'm a pretty decent person. I think a lot of kids have no problems asking friends about whatever, and I want my kids to consider me that way, so that I know they're getting good info.

My mom grew up scared of her mother. She wouldn't bring friends home, tried to stay away from home, etc. And now, my mom basically only respects her mom for the fact that she is her mom. My aunt told my mom that my grandma was probably jealous of my mom and me, because we're best friends, and my mom basically tells grandma nothing. I don't want to end up with crap like that.
Maybe the term "friend" is what throws people off, maybe a different term to refer a parent that a child can turn to with anything should be called AN UNDERSTANDING PARENT.
"Friend" seems to conotate to many, "school age" "buddy" "partner in crime" (my fave btw) and "not as respected as a parent"...I just know that a child should be able to turn to a parent(s) no matter what without worry abt being hated, un-loved, yelled at, screamed at, given dirty looks...I can deliver discipline w/out spankings, etc. and still have the respect I deserve as a parent from my children. What does it get anyone to have anyone be afraid of you? That should only be in the "mafia" or "gang" world, not in a family.

Going against the popular opinion on here, I think I'd want to be stricter with my children than how I was raised. My parents always tried to be my friend, but always kept themselves at a distance. I'd want to be accessable and make my children feel like they could talk to me about stuff- good and bad- but I'd also want to give them better discipline and clearer boundaries.
I know from experience that the friend thing gets old, school is for friends, weekends are for friends, sometimes you just need that parental figure.