I have been with my wife for over 10 years, we have been married for 5 years. In all the time I have been with her, her uncle has never bought me a Christmas present. Every Christmas, he buys her and my kids something and never me. Now believe me, I do not need or want anything, I just find it a little disrespectful that he doesn't even give me a card. Am I out of line feeling this way? Again, I don't expect a gift, but to me, it seems like he doesn't acknowledge me as a member of the family by ignoring me.

I have been with my wife for over 10 years, we have been married for 5 years. In all the time I have been with her, her uncle has never bought me a Christmas present. Every Christmas, he buys her and my kids something and never me. Now believe me, I do not need or want anything, I just find it a little disrespectful that he doesn't even give me a card. Am I out of line feeling this way? Again, I don't expect a gift, but to me, it seems like he doesn't acknowledge me as a member of the family by ignoring me.

I would think it depends on 2 things. What type of man he is and the family dynamic of gift giving.

By what type of man he is, I mean do you think he likes you and that you get along and that things in general are okey dokey?

If so, then it may mean that he thinks it is appropriate (and expected) to give his neice and her children a gift but that maybe giving her husband- a man and head of the household per se- not necessary or inappropriate.

If there was an aunt involved I would be surprised if you did not get a gift. Otherwise it makes sense either way. It is not even a given that an uncle gives gifts to his adult neice (it is always nice to give to children though).

As for not getting a card, does he not give a card addressed to the whole family? Or is there just a card for your wife and children without your name?
That would be odd, it should just be a card for the whole family.

Ask someone in the family you trust whether he dislikes you or not so you can get this off your mind.

Yeah, it does seem a bit rude. You may have done something(could be anything) that he felt slighted by and he never got over it. I'm sort of in the same situation with my sister-in-law and her hubby. They always used to get me a birthday present(my birthday is the same day as hers) until this year when I got sick of her always trying to use me as her kid's new babysitter, just because we moved to the same town as her because she kept telling my wife what a great town it was - it isn't, and I refused to do it anymore. So while we gave her a big outdoor firepit she always wanted; I received... nothing. Not that I, like you, wanted anything from them. I would much rather have my piece of mind than anything they could give me.
I 'm waiting to see what they will, or will not, get me this Christmas. The best gift they could give me(and my daughter as well) is never asking me to babysit their little bully of a child again.

I think it's rude. To give every member of a family a gift, except one person, is just awful. Even if your wife's uncle didn't want to deal with buying you a gift, he could give you and your wife a restaurant gift certificate.

I don't blame you for feeling slighted Brian.

I think it's rude. To give every member of a family a gift, except one person, is just awful. Even if your wife's uncle didn't want to deal with buying you a gift, he could give you and your wife a restaurant gift certificate.

I don't blame you for feeling slighted Brian.
I agree with this completely. Any kind of "joint" gift for you and your wife would be good. He can always give her a separate gift and then the joint gift as well if he can afford both. If he can only afford one gift, then it should be for both of you.

We have a similar problem in my family: my adult nephew, citing financial problems, has told us that he is only buying for a handful of family members. Yet he manages to vacation in Hawaii, buy a new (used) car and all of the costs related to a car, and announce also to the rest of us that he intends to spend even more on his "chosen few," but he somehow can't find the money to get us each something small (like a lottery ticket or a pack of gum or... )

Ugh!

I feel your pain and, yes, anger/annoyance.

:(

I think it's rude. To give every member of a family a gift, except one person, is just awful. Even if your wife's uncle didn't want to deal with buying you a gift, he could give you and your wife a restaurant gift certificate.

I don't blame you for feeling slighted Brian.
I agree, it seems rude to me.

I think it's rude. To give every member of a family a gift, except one person, is just awful. Even if your wife's uncle didn't want to deal with buying you a gift, he could give you and your wife a restaurant gift certificate.

I don't blame you for feeling slighted Brian.
I agree.

I think it's rude, I have an aunt who does that to her son-in-law and she has admitted she does it to be rude.

That IS rude! What a jerk!

I have an uncle who buys my father a X-mas and birthday gift every year, and he would never buy a gift for anybody else in our house even though my mother made sure his three slutty snobby girls got a birthday and X-mas gift every year. I did receive a toy Daisy rifle from him when I was like 6 or 7, but that present was it. :mumble:

get him one and see what he does

That IS rude! What a jerk!


Absolutely. I know how you feel. This year was the first time I got a gift from my uncle since I was like 8 or 9. I don't blame you for being pissed. You have to do what you think is right. If you don't want to get him a gift, by all means don't. He doesn't deserve it. If you do want to get a gift, thats fine. Just don't sink to his level and maturity.

I think that's kind of rude. You are a member of his family just like your wife and kids so he shouldn't exclude you. It would be nice of him to give you and your wife a joint gift like Janice said. My niece is engaged to be married next summer and since i don't know her fiance all that well yet I just plan on giving them a gift certificate to a department store so they can buy stuff for their house and upcoming baby. I think that's a great thing to do with couples, just get them one gift to share, that way no one feels left out.

I'm thinking what Janice was getting at...why not give you and your wife a joint gift? I know my parents have done that in the past.

Is he one of these guys who might not like you because you had kids before you got married? Like you "stole" his neice or something. For some reason, to those kind of people, it's always the guy's fault. :rolleyes:

I think it's rude, I have an aunt who does that to her son-in-law and she has admitted she does it to be rude.

:eek: She actually admitted something like that?!

Yes, I definately think it's rude.

I think it's rude. To give every member of a family a gift, except one person, is just awful. Even if your wife's uncle didn't want to deal with buying you a gift, he could give you and your wife a restaurant gift certificate.

I don't blame you for feeling slighted Brian.


I agree, it's rude to buy for others but not him. IMO it's like a slap in the face.

I don't think it's rude...Your wife is his niece and your kids are his nieces or nephews too...and you're..well...not..its not a big deal at all

I have been with my wife for over 10 years, we have been married for 5 years. In all the time I have been with her, her uncle has never bought me a Christmas present. Every Christmas, he buys her and my kids something and never me. Now believe me, I do not need or want anything, I just find it a little disrespectful that he doesn't even give me a card. Am I out of line feeling this way? Again, I don't expect a gift, but to me, it seems like he doesn't acknowledge me as a member of the family by ignoring me.

I don't know what you do for a living, but maybe he thinks that you make good money and feels he doesn't need to buy you anything. I know some people who are like that when it comes to gift giving. If that's not the case, then I agree with everyone that it is a little rude on his part, especially if you and your wife get him something every year. JMO

Holy cow, YES that's rude!! If he gives you anything, it could at least be card! You should tell him how u feel about that.....

I don't think it's rude...Your wife is his niece and your kids are his nieces or nephews too...and you're..well...
He's a member of the family. When you marry someone, their aunts and uncles become yours as well. My husband's aunts are my aunts.

He's a member of the family. When you marry someone, their aunts and uncles become yours as well. My husband's aunts are my aunts.

i guess...it depends on the family..in my family my mom gets something from her aunt, as well as me and my sister, but my dad doesn't and its not because anyones bitter, theres a total understanding there..so it shouldnt be an obligation or considered rude.

That man is a jerk. ohno: No disrespect intended for you and the rest of your family though. :)

He has never been cold to me other than excluding me from Christmas. It just seems really weird to me. He gives presents to my wife, my kids, his sister AND his sister's husband. He's "not related" to him either, but makes sure he has a gift. Again, it's not the gift, it is the thought behind the gift and since I get no gift, I guess there is no thought.

He's a member of the family. When you marry someone, their aunts and uncles become yours as well. My husband's aunts are my aunts.

:yeahthat My mom's almost closer to my dad's mom (and a good chunk of the rest of the family) than she is her own.

I agree with Janice...if he is going to give a gift to every other member of the family it would be appropriate to at least include you in a joint gift you and your wife could enjoy together.

In my family, the extended relatives stopped giving gifts to each other a long time ago. We had a policy where the aunts & uncles don't have to buy gifts for the children of the family past their 12th birthday, and even my parents and their siblings mutually agreed to stop giving gifts. For a long time I didn't understand this and when I was younger sometimes felt slighted...everyone else would always get lots of gifts from aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents; and all I ever got were gifts from my parents and sister (I never had grandparents anyway). But anyhoo, after hearing so many stories in my life about bad blood in families or hurt feelings just over presents, I think I'm kind of glad we have this policy.

i guess...it depends on the family..in my family my mom gets something from her aunt, as well as me and my sister, but my dad doesn't and its not because anyones bitter, theres a total understanding there..so it shouldnt be an obligation or considered rude.

You know, come to think of it, I guess I kind of have to agree with this too. Back when my mom did buy gifts for her sister, I don't recall her ever buying gifts for her husband too. I don't remember though because that was a long time ago. To me I guess I just always thought there was an unspoken understanding.

I suppose if the issue is never discussed though, no one could ever know if someone's feelings were hurt. To be safe, I think this guy should start getting joint gifts for the adults.

And I don't think lack of money is a great excuse, especially if you find money to spend on others. One year I bought the same gift for all of my friends...a picture frame that said "the gang" and I wanted to take a group photo and give one to everyone. Buying that for everyone added up quickly and there were 2-3 people that I wasn't nearly as close to, but I asked myself, "is not spending another $20-30 bucks worth having these people get their feelings hurt on Christmas?" To me, it wasn't, so I bought it for them anyway.

do you buy him one?

"is not spending another $20-30 bucks worth having these people get their feelings hurt on Christmas?" To me, it wasn't, so I bought it for them anyway.
that's how I feel. Jonathan gets on me this time of year telling me I spend to much... but i've been buying for my close family and friends for years, and just because our family has grown and me and him have combined our families doesn't mean I want to stop that. I save up, and I pay stuff off slowly. It's worth it to me to make the ones I love feel special. I love giving just as much as I like getting!

He can at least send a card, so yeah it is rude.

Talk to him about it! You really should.....this man is being really rude and you really should try to find out why!

I think it is rude to get your wife and kids something but not you. At least a card. Does he not like you for some reason?