CHRIS ROCK

"Listen up men, women are all about the mood. If a woman's
in the mood and she wants you, just shut up and let it
happen. If you say somehting wrong those panties will come
up mighty fast." :lol:

chris rock, ellen degeneres, george carlin, and janeen garaffalo i cant spell her name are my favorites


i like ellens one stand up when she was talkin about how when your ready to go to sleep the wierdest things pop in your head like "i like grapes" and "did i leave money in my pants? if its a one i dont care but if its a 20 i better get that out of there... okay i gotta remember that.... money in the pants... money in the pants.... m in the p..... m in the p....aww now i gotta pee...if i go now i wont be tired anymore .....maybe if i keep my eyes closed while i pee i'll still be tired....while im there i should check for the money in the pants....lmao


or when chris rock was talkin about failing kindergarten he's like how do you fail kindergarten QUESTION "whats 2+2?" ANSWER "JELLO!"

chris rock, ellen degeneres, george carlin, and janeen garaffalo i cant spell her name are my favorites


i like ellens one stand up when she was talkin about how when your ready to go to sleep the wierdest things pop in your head like "i like grapes" and "did i leave money in my pants? if its a one i dont care but if its a 20 i better get that out of there... okay i gotta remember that.... money in the pants... money in the pants.... m in the p..... m in the p....aww now i gotta pee...if i go now i wont be tired anymore .....maybe if i keep my eyes closed while i pee i'll still be tired....while im there i should check for the money in the pants....lmao
or when chris rock was talkin about failing kindergarten he's like how do you fail kindergarten QUESTION "whats 2+2?" ANSWER "JELLO!"
:lol:

chris rock, ellen degeneres, george carlin, and janeen garaffalo i cant spell her name are my favorites


i like ellens one stand up when she was talkin about how when your ready to go to sleep the wierdest things pop in your head like "i like grapes" and "did i leave money in my pants? if its a one i dont care but if its a 20 i better get that out of there... okay i gotta remember that.... money in the pants... money in the pants.... m in the p..... m in the p....aww now i gotta pee...if i go now i wont be tired anymore .....maybe if i keep my eyes closed while i pee i'll still be tired....while im there i should check for the money in the pants....lmao

Yeah, that was cool, I seen that...that's me...always thinking when I should go to sleep. :lol:


or when chris rock was talkin about failing kindergarten he's like how do you fail kindergarten QUESTION "whats 2+2?" ANSWER "JELLO!"


:lol: :lol: :lol:

Well, my favorte actors are all comedians in one way or another, whether it be from standup or on a show or what not. Noooo way in hell I can choose one favorite line. And if you guys don't know my favorites by now, I should probably have the right to smack you upside the head a few times ;)

For those of you who want to get smacked:
Will Ferrell
Steve Martin
Jimmy Fallon
Gilda Radner
John Ritter
Jon Stewart
Chris Farley
Lucille Ball
Tina Fey
Amy Poehler
Conan O'Brien

They're my best friends, they just don't know it.

david spade
conan o brien
gilda radner
will ferrell

Well, my fave actor is James Stewart and he's mighty funny. My fave line is from the Philadelphia Story where he's outside this house where Cary Grant's character is and he's yelling "CK Dexter Haven!"

My other fave lines are from "It's a Wonderful Life" and basically it's the scene at the bridge where his lip is bleeding and he's acting like a crazy person.

"My mouth's bleeding, Bert! My mouth's bleeding!"

"Yaaah! Hello Bedford Falls!"

I guess you'd have to see the film to see how funny it is. James Stewart I don't think was ever a standup comic type, but he's funny all the same in his films.

I loved Richard Pryor! I liked when he talked about whore houses! LOL

Dave Chappelle.

theres too many favorite funny lines to list. :lol:

Richard Pryor
Steve Martin
George Carlin
Jerry Seinfeld

on one episode of conan o'brien he was showing children's books written by celebrities and one of them was "jesus and the terrible horrible no good very bad day" by mel gibson. i was hysterical. whenever i tried to tell someone about it i couldn't finish saying the title because i was laughing too hard to talk. hell im laughing right now as i type this. that show has some pretty funny ****.

Carlos Mencia
"The gardener that cuts your grass cuts my grass too f*****r! But he does a better job at my house because I talk to him in spanish!!"

ooh dave chappelle and chris rock too. dave chappelles special-killin them softly was the funniest thing ive ever seen

ooh dave chappelle and chris rock too. dave chappelles special-killin them softly was the funniest thing ive ever seen
How abt when Dave Chappelle did that RKelly skit about peeing??? ROTFLMAO
Well since others put alot of their fave comedians I will put mine too:
GEORGE LOPEZ
FREDDIE PRINZE
GEORGE CARLIN (THEE KING!!)
CHRIS ROCK
CARLOS MENCIA
CHEECH & CHONG

George Carlin: "Notice everyone wants to get on the plane, 'I want to get on the plane', 'I have to be on the plane', F***K YOU! I want my a$$ IN THE PLANE!!!"

How abt when Dave Chappelle did that RKelly skit about peeing??? ROTFLMAO

that was hilarious- i wanna piss on you :lol:

that was hilarious- i wanna piss on you :lol:
YEAH!!! That S**T was so friggin funny!!!! I almost pissed when I was laughing!! :lol: :lol:

YEAH!!! That S**T was so friggin funny!!!! I almost pissed when I was laughing!! :lol: :lol:
:lol: dang i miss that show

Freddie Prinze (Of course)
George Lopez
Richard Pryor
Jay Leno (I still love him)

When Wayne Brady was on Chappelle's show, that was ****ing hilarious. "Is wayne brady gonna have to choke a bitch?"

When Wayne Brady was on Chappelle's show, that was ****ing hilarious. "Is wayne brady gonna have to choke a bitch?"
Oh man, Wayne is awesome. I miss "Whose Line" and The Wayne Brady Show. He is so multitalented!!! He is DA BOMB!!!!!

Some hilarious quotes from Jerry Seinfeld:
I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, "Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye."

What would the world be like if people said whatever they were thinking, all the time, whenever it came to them? How long would a blind date last? About 13 seconds, I think. "Oh, sorry, your rear end is too big." "That's ok, your breath stinks anyway. See you later."

Are there keys to a plane? Maybe that's what those delays are sometimes, when you're just sitting there at the gate. Maybe the pilot sits up there in the cockpit going, "Oh, I don't believe this. Dammit..I did it again." They tell you it's something mechanical because they don't want to come on the P.A. system, "Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to be delayed here on the ground for a while. I uh..Oh, God this is so embarrassing...I, I left the keys to the plane in my apartment. They're in this big ashtray by the front door. I'm sorry, I'll run back and get them."


Andrea

david spade on paris hilton trademarking the phrase "that's hot" - "so now a slutty spoiled millionaire gets handed a check every time i get my plate served at the olive garden?"

chris rock, ellen degeneres, george carlin, and janeen garaffalo i cant spell her name are my favorites


i like ellens one stand up when she was talkin about how when your ready to go to sleep the wierdest things pop in your head like "i like grapes" and "did i leave money in my pants? if its a one i dont care but if its a 20 i better get that out of there... okay i gotta remember that.... money in the pants... money in the pants.... m in the p..... m in the p....aww now i gotta pee...if i go now i wont be tired anymore .....maybe if i keep my eyes closed while i pee i'll still be tired....while im there i should check for the money in the pants....lmao


or when chris rock was talkin about failing kindergarten he's like how do you fail kindergarten QUESTION "whats 2+2?" ANSWER "JELLO!"

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Seriously, I'm on the ground laughing my @$$ off at that. what's 2+2? Jello LMFAO

both are hilarious. anyways, my fav. are chris rock, Jim Gaffigan, anybody ever heard his Beyond The Pale? :lol: Absolutely Hilarious. I would say those too and I don't care about the rest. I like some comedians here and their, Eddie Murphy, the stand up guys on Comedy Central, Richard Pryor etc. but those are my definitive favorite 2.