I recently began wondering this burning question. I guess I am looking for answers through a sociological-interactive perspective:

Is friendship something humans learn how to handle/maintain? Or, is friendship just an innate instinctive quality we possess?

I used to think it was just instinctive, but then I came across a certain situation that leads me to believe otherwise. Before I discuss those theories, I'd like some others' opinions. Thanks to all who reply. :wave:

That's actually a really good question. I would think instinctive, but it is something you can debate otherwise...

Thank you all for your opinion, Pleasant Tomorrow!

Hmm… it’s always been a touchy area, in my opinion. For instance, I have observed those individuals who seem to be socially-adaptive seem to not care about losing friendships. And those who are not as socially-adaptive seem to really hang on or let others determine if they want to drag out a friendship. Would that be because of those socially-adaptive people have higher self-esteem than those who aren’t? I’ve had that happen with befriending someone who doesn’t have very many friends. We are both in the same boat as far as being non-socially adaptive. We don’t have a lot of experience, but I guess we are both testing waters in our friendship. We are learning how to socialize and maintain our friendship through each other.

We have both come across arguments, disagreements and conflicts and still manage to maintain contact. We have met in person but now exclusively communicate online. How would that friendship weather via online? Is it still the same as being “offline” friends?

it's generally learned at first and later becomes instinctive after we mature enough.

I think the latter one is the answer. I mean frienship shouldnt be anything we would have to work on if you really love someone and care about them and enjoy their company than you should have no problem being there for them and vice versa. And all friends argue, that's just part of it. no friendship is perfect and no people completely click and always get along. But then again that's just my way of looking at it.

For the most part I'd say it's learned, but otherwise depends on the person. An outgoing person by nature would have a more instinctive quality toward friendships, whereas with a socially awkward person there's more of a learning curve. Bottom line is, with both it's learned (imo), just that outgoing people learn faster and for them it becomes more instinctive.

I think its learned at first until we grow older.

At first I think its naturally instinctive b/c hypothetically say when a 5 or 6 goes to school for the first time, they automactically look for someone who looks like they could get along, which would ease the transition, whenever people are in a new situation it is instinct to find someone they could accept and become friends with. I think as we grow and mature we also learn and learn about friendships, the meaning, the deep love and connection that is shared between friends and learn how to become a good friend. So in my opinion it is instinctive and then becomes learned

it's generally learned at first and later becomes instinctive after we mature enough.
took the words right out of my mouth

I think it's a little of both.

I think it's a little of both.

I agree :)

Hmmm...interesting theories/experiences, everyone! Keep on going. I love reading them!

Mijada & YoliUSA: Interesting you both said "a little of both." Why is that? I can see where you are both coming from.

i think its implanted.

seriously some people NEVER learn how to be a friend, so it can't be instinctive.

i think its implanted.

seriously some people NEVER learn how to be a friend, so it can't be instinctive.

I agree with that. Some people have the social skills of a brick, and no matter what you do, they're still unsensitive clods who cannot talk to people well.

I think there are probably many variables that go into it - Environmental factors, the individual's genetic make-up, how his mind works, and so on. A lot of human behavior is instinctive, but I think things like friendship and other relationships are developed based on what one's brain tells them.

Some people have the social skills of a brick, and no matter what you do, they're still unsensitive clods who cannot talk to people well.

I probably have the social skills of a brick, but I'm not an insensitive clod. I'm just shy and find it hard to talk to strangers. I talk pretty well with people I know at school, but we're not great, great friends - I never see anyone from school during the holidays. I enjoy being by myself a lot, and I like hanging out with imaginary people - people from books, movies or TV shows, or people I've made up myself. It comes of being a fantasist, I guess. :)

Anyway, I was just saying that because someone can't talk to people well, it doesn't mean they're insensitive. I have real difficulty talking to people I don't know well - at times, I've been known to freeze completely and stare at them, unable to say a word - but I consider myself very sensitive, particularly where mentally ill people are concerned. The movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" reinforced that for me; the patients in that movie were so sweet.

I probably have the social skills of a brick, but I'm not an insensitive clod. I'm just shy and find it hard to talk to strangers. I talk pretty well with people I know at school, but we're not great, great friends - I never see anyone from school during the holidays. I enjoy being by myself a lot, and I like hanging out with imaginary people - people from books, movies or TV shows, or people I've made up myself. It comes of being a fantasist, I guess. :)

Anyway, I was just saying that because someone can't talk to people well, it doesn't mean they're insensitive. I have real difficulty talking to people I don't know well - at times, I've been known to freeze completely and stare at them, unable to say a word - but I consider myself very sensitive, particularly where mentally ill people are concerned. The movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" reinforced that for me; the patients in that movie were so sweet.

Oh trust me, I'm not talking about shy people. I'm think more of people who aren't in the least way shy; they're just lousy friends and don't have any idea how to really talk to people without being egotistical jerks. They talk plenty, just in all the wrong ways.

Oh trust me, I'm not talking about shy people. I'm think more of people who aren't in the least way shy; they're just lousy friends and don't have any idea how to really talk to people without being egotistical jerks. They talk plenty, just in all the wrong ways.

Oh, right, I see what you mean, dawsongirl. :) Yes, I know the kind of people you mean. They're very funny when portrayed in a book or on television, though - and they're quite hilarious to write about.

In my case apparantly learned, which is something I haven't got down yet.

Thank you for all of your responses. Hmmmmm... they are all good. It's one of those difficult questions. It's like asking, "What came first - the chicken or the egg?" One of life's mysteries, I guess.

Anyone a sociology major? This is something I'd like to eventually ask my instructor once I begin my Social Psychology course.