Is it too risky??

I have a few boys in mind that I'm going to ask out at school. I'm a little nervous, though but I know I have to do it. And if they say no, instead of being embarassed, I'll just simply ask what's wrong with me. Some of my cousins said they think it'd be fine to do that, but my family (parents and sisters) think it'd be a bad idea.

Anyway what's your opinion on girls asking boys out?

It's fine to ask them out, but don't ask "what's wrong with me?" I'd feel bad if a girl asked me that, and I certainly wouldn't ask a girl.

It's fine to ask them out, but don't ask "what's wrong with me?" I'd feel bad if a girl asked me that, and I certainly wouldn't ask a girl.

The reason why I'd ask them that is so I can try to work on whatever is wrong with me.

Is it too risky??

I have a few boys in mind that I'm going to ask out at school. I'm a little nervous, though but I know I have to do it. And if they say no, instead of being embarassed, I'll just simply ask what's wrong with me. Some of my cousins said they think it'd be fine to do that, but my family (parents and sisters) think it'd be a bad idea.
Seriously keep in mind, Niki, that you will most-likely be turned down sometimes in your life. That's just life. So, you are going to have to psych your mind that it MIGHT happen. Don't always put high expectations that you will always get your way. Believe me, that will hurt if you do. It's happened for me in different events (asking guys out, befriending people, etc).

I am not saying you will always be turned down, but I am saying to be prepared and don't let it get you down. I've learned that things can't always go my way (and it IS very difficult, but I'm trying to help soften the blow should it happen).

Anyway what's your opinion on girls asking boys out?
I'm ALL for it. It REALLY raises your self-esteem knowing that you CAN do it! I've done it twice, myself. The first time I asked a guy out, he was gay. He said he was "honored" but is gay. The second time I asked a guy out, he said he isn't into dating these days. He's going through some personal things at the moment, so dating isn't a priority in his life. BUT.... he did enjoy talking with me, and we have become friends now. Who knows what the future will bring in this scenario, but I don't think I should concentrate on that and rather concentrate on our friendship.

Even if the guy doesn't accept your asking him out, think about the fact that there may be MANY reasons - not always about YOU. I had to learn that about my friendship with my crush/friend. He is already picking up that I can be such a high maintenance person, and he's helping me see that not all hs answers are always about ME.

In any case, hold your head up high. I know it can be tough especially if it's a guy you really, really like. But keep in mind to just be proud of your "asking out" accomplishment. Hope that helps. :)

I think it's great that girls ask out boys. It takes alot of pressure off the guys to have to do it all the time. And like barwars said, DO NOT ask What's wrong with me if you get turned down.

GO FOR IT GIRL!!!

It's about time we gave them a break! And guys love it!

I see nothing wrong with it.. the only thing is...
I have a few boys in mind that I'm going to ask out at school.
only ask them out one at a time and don't go on a "i'm going to get a boyfriend in a month" rampage

ask him out but DONT ask "whats worng with me?" you never wanna put people on the spot like that

Thanks for your support, everyone! :wave:

So I really shouldn't ask what's wrong with me? But then how will I know what to work on? :(

Go for it :)

i wouldnt ask "whats wrong with me"...but theres nothing wrong with a girl asking a guy out.
just be confident and low-key about it

Go for it, but don't ask whats wrong with me?. You'll make the boy uncomfortable and he'll be put on the spot.

If he says no, should I say "Am I too ugly?" instead? I need to say something so I won't be embarrassed.

Go for it, but don't ask whats wrong with me?. You'll make the boy uncomfortable and he'll be put on the spot.
:yeahthat

If he says no, should I say "Am I too ugly?" instead? I need to say something so I won't be embarrassed.
I would just say "ok" and act like its ok. Don't ask why, cause that'll make him feel uncomfortable.

Thanks for your support, everyone! :wave:

So I really shouldn't ask what's wrong with me? But then how will I know what to work on? :(


You don't have to work on anything Nikki! If they don't like you for who and what you are then that's their problem not yours.

We can never please or be attractive to everyone on earth - don't take it personally - just move on. When someone says yes, then it means they like you for YOU. Don't ever feel you have to change for anybody - that'll only bring you heartache in life!

Also, keep in mind that he might not accept when you ask him out so if he doesnt accept, you wont be TOO upset.

If he says no, should I say "Am I too ugly?" instead? I need to say something so I won't be embarrassed.

Just be like "ohh, ok, I just wanted to be closer to your friend anyways"

Or if you get turned down, just say, "Oh o.k. - that's cool - just thought I'd ask - then maybe a quick, "still friends" with a big smile and walk away. No harm done.

You'll come across a lot "cooler" by showing it's no big deal to you. I've heard of girls doing that, and at first were turned down, and then a few weeks later the same guy came back and asked them out. Like in show business - leave 'em wanting more! ;)

Or if you get turned down, just say, "Oh o.k. - that's cool - just thought I'd ask - then maybe a quick, "still friends" with a big smile and walk away. No harm done.

You'll come across a lot "cooler" by showing it's no big deal to you. I've heard of girls doing that, and at first were turned down, and then a few weeks later the same guy came back and asked them out. Like in show business - leave 'em wanting more! ;)


Good advice.

I'm all for girls asking guys out. Us guys shouldn't always have to do the asking. :)

So I really shouldn't ask what's wrong with me? But then how will I know what to work on? :(

Just because a guy turns you down doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Maybe you're just not his type or maybe he doesn't want a girlfriend at the time.

ask him out but DONT ask "whats worng with me?" you never wanna put people on the spot like that
I agree. Nothing is more off-putting than asking someone else what is wrong with ourselves. I've done this with a couple of people I've wanted to befriend, and looking back at it now, it was VERY leechy. That tends to scare people away.

So I really shouldn't ask what's wrong with me? But then how will I know what to work on? :(
That's the thing - you don't ask. You just have to have faith and confidence in yourself. Write down a list of flaws that YOU can recognize yourself and work on those. Here's the thing: If you keep wondering what is wrong with you, you make yourself "appear" with low self-confidence. Take a look at people who are self-confident, they walk straight knowing they try their best. They are not perfect, by any means.

Just because a guy turns you down doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Maybe you're just not his type or maybe he doesn't want a girlfriend at the time.
Bingo! That's soooo true. I had to learn that. Sometimes people just aren't into dating at the moment, and it has NOTHING to do with you, Niki. There are a million other reasons, too. Just keep this in mind: Not everything is always about YOU. That's something that took me time to learn because I was JUST like you. You are much younger than I was when I began learning not to take things too personally, so you will do great at learning it too. :)

So I really shouldn't ask what's wrong with me? But then how will I know what to work on? :(
if he says no it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. there's no way you can just change yourself to make him like you. if he doesn't like you for the way you are, the relationship won't be healthy.

Yeah. I hate people who go out with someone to be "going out."

How come? I'm just trying to fit in.....I mean it's so embarassing when my sisters and cousins are talking about their boyfriends and I'm just an outcast since I don't have one.

How come? I'm just trying to fit in.....I mean it's so embarassing when my sisters and cousins are talking about their boyfriends and I'm just an outcast since I don't have one.
your sisters are too young to know what relationships are really about anyway.

your sisters are too young to know what relationships are really about anyway.
:yeahthat

How come? I'm just trying to fit in.....I mean it's so embarassing when my sisters and cousins are talking about their boyfriends and I'm just an outcast since I don't have one.
"Trying to fit in" and "outcast?" Niki, if you believe these phrases, then you are only going to go in a downward spiral of obsessively and compulsively analyzing this. Don't let these phrases or anyone let you get down. Don't feel miserable about it. YOU are your OWN person. Just believe in yourself. Don't compete with others. You'll end up driving yourself crazy. I've been there, done that. Trust me.

I'm kinda old-fashioned, so I kinda prefer that a boy asks me out instead of me asking him out. Anyway, I would ask him out, if I wasnt so shy. I hate being shy :( .

I agree...there's just no way you're ever going to be happy if you try to live up to other peoples' expectations. We all love you the way you are here at S.O....so why can't your sisters and friends realize it?

Besides, do you actually want to date someone just to see what's wrong with you? That's not the right way to measure your self-worth :( You don't need other people to validate who YOU are. Just remember that...it's a long road but you'll get there soon.



"Trying to fit in" and "outcast?" Niki, if you believe these phrases, then you are only going to go in a downward spiral of obsessively and compulsively analyzing this. Don't let these phrases or anyone let you get down. Don't feel miserable about it. YOU are your OWN person. Just believe in yourself. Don't compete with others. You'll end up driving yourself crazy. I've been there, done that. Trust me.

Erm, yeah, you can't just date someone just to fit in. Dating isn't about that, it's about getting to know someone and finding out if you really like them...not just to use them to look cool in front of other people. Boys are so immature at your age, so if they say some mean comment after you ask them...it's most likely because they're nervous themselves. Anywho, don't get a boyfriend because you want one, get one when you want that one person.

A select group has tried to drill this into her head forever.
But see it's worth it to keep trying. I was just like her maybe 4 years ago. Not necessarily with the same issues, but no matter how much people told me I was okay I couldn't believe it. Still to this day it's hard for me to even take a compliment, but I'm better than I was.

Not all of them.
Okay..."most"

I think you should go ahead and ask somebody out, Niki, but personally, I don't think it would be a good idea to go out with someone just to fit in. I know it can be frustrating to feel like an outsider because everyone else seems to have a boyfriend, but there's nothing wrong with remaining "outside the pack", so to speak. I think being different is a good thing. It can make you more of an individual. I think you should go out with someone because you genuinely like them, and if there's a boy that you really like, then by all means, there's no harm in asking him out.

I also agree that it wouldn't be a good idea to ask what's wrong with you. For one thing, it would only embarrass him, and for another thing, as others have pointed out, there's probably nothing wrong with you at all. As has been said, the person might not want to date, or might be interested in someone else, or something like that. In most cases, it doesn't have anything to do with the girl herself.

dont go out with someone just to be going out, wait till you genuinely like someone and want to be with them for you, not for someone else.

believe me, i wanted a boyfriend to fit in once, in 7th grade i dated the first guy who asked me out and ended up breaking it off after a couple months because i just wasnt ready and it just wasnt right. totally awkward and fake. the next summer i met a guy i actually liked and thats what i count as my first real "relationship." the first one was just pointless.

(except i was lucky and later on i became really good friends with the first guy and introduced him to one of my other friends....theyre still going out 5 years later!)



your time will come, dont date just to feel like youre keeping up with other people.

Just keep in mind that even guys are scared or shy, too. We are all human pawns in this chess game we call "life." We are all in this world together, and we have to just take life with a grain of salt. And just stop listening to those sisters of yours. They are making you paranoid. Seriously. I have a sister like that too!

Thanks for your support, everyone! :wave:

So I really shouldn't ask what's wrong with me? But then how will I know what to work on? :(

If someone doesn't accept you, they don't deserve your time. Don't let someone's opinions mold your opinion on yourself.

A select group has tried to drill this into her head forever.
well she's at the stage of early adolescence; people at that stage start to think for themselves and use their own logic. for girls, it's things like, if you dress like everyone else you'll be popular. they don't conform to others' advice that isn't along the lines of their own solutions to things or what they believe. that includes things like believing in yourself.. if she feels the need to conform to unnecessary standards, and can't make herself believe otherwise, then it's not her fault. i'm not saying that gives her a ticket to head down to an unhealthy social life; she just needs help. like all other girls, she'll eventually mature and realize that she doesn't need to reinvent herself and it doesn't matter if you don't have a boyfriend.

i'm not saying that as an insult, i was the same way when i was younger, it's just a psychological fact i think people here who talk to her about these things should know.

Niki, I highly recommend you read this book entitled "How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything--Yes, Anything.":

http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0818404566/ref=sib_dp_pt/104-2950507-4068717#reader-link

I own this book because I still have my own problems of seeing things in a rational manner. I was recommended this book by socially anxious friend. It is VERY useful and will help you dispute "miserable" thoughts going on in your head and turn them into realistic/rational ways. Check it out by flipping and reading through the preview pages. :)

I don't think it would be a good idea to go out with someone just to fit in. I know it can be frustrating to feel like an outsider because everyone else seems to have a boyfriend, but there's nothing wrong with remaining "outside the pack", so to speak..


I agree. Sometimes I want to have a boyfriend because some of my friends have one, but I still haven't found the right guy. I also guess that I'm not asked out a lot because I'm shy and boys might think Im boring.

I see no problem whatsoever with girls asking guys out.

So please for the love of God will someone ask me out!!!

I like movies and I'll pay for dessert.

;)

Errrrrm... I'm not a fan of girls asking boys out. I don't know, maybe I'm old fashioned, but I could never ask a boy out. I feel that in a relationship there are just some things the girl has to do and some things the boy has to do, and asking the girl out is one of them, IMO.

Errrrrm... I'm not a fan of girls asking boys out. I don't know, maybe I'm old fashioned, but I could never ask a boy out. I feel that in a relationship there are just some things the girl has to do and some things the boy has to do, and asking the girl out is one of them, IMO.


I agree totally :)

Not all of them.
Yeah, I'm not immature :crying: :p

I see no problem whatsoever with girls asking guys out.

So please for the love of God will someone ask me out!!!

I like movies and I'll pay for dessert.

;)
so whatcha doin this weekend ;) :love:

The reason why I'd ask them that is so I can try to work on whatever is wrong with me.

That's too much of an individual thing. One thing that guy number 1 doesn't like, guy number 2 might love. Just be yourself.

If he says no, should I say "Am I too ugly?" instead? I need to say something so I won't be embarrassed.

No...that would be even worse. Just say, okay, and walk away. Think to yourself that the guy is a jerk and a loser and he doesn't deserve an awesome girl like you anyway. Makes you feel better. :)

I think it's fine for girls to ask guys out.

I agree. Sometimes I want to have a boyfriend because some of my friends have one, but I still haven't found the right guy. I also guess that I'm not asked out a lot because I'm shy and boys might think Im boring.

:yeahthat

Half of the girls I know are either dating, pregnant, or married, and I've still never had a boyfriend. THAT is very depressing. But I'm too shy to ask anyone, I fear rejection more than falling off a roof, and I've met no one that turned out to be a nice guy deep down. So I guess I just keep waiting.

I wish a woman would ask me out!

I would say of course- a girl can ask a boy out. I asked my boyfriend out and we've been dating for a while now. :D

I see no problem whatsoever with girls asking guys out.

So please for the love of God will someone ask me out!!!

I like movies and I'll pay for dessert.

;)


If you're ever in the Toronto area........


(I promise to leave my husband at home ;) )

The reason why I'd ask them that is so I can try to work on whatever is wrong with me.
You should never change yourself for a guy.

Just because a guy rejects you doesn't mean there's anything "wrong" with you.

I'm just trying to fit in.....I mean it's so embarassing when my sisters and cousins are talking about their boyfriends and I'm just an outcast since I don't have one.
If a girl asked me out for that reason, I would be insulted.

"Trying to fit in" and "outcast?" Niki, if you believe these phrases, then you are only going to go in a downward spiral of obsessively and compulsively analyzing this. Don't let these phrases or anyone let you get down. Don't feel miserable about it. YOU are your OWN person. Just believe in yourself. Don't compete with others. You'll end up driving yourself crazy. I've been there, done that. Trust me.
Yes. I agree.

And if she does this just to be like "everyone else," then what happens when she's older, and there are other things that "everyone else" is doing? For example, would she start smoking cigarettes just because "everyone else" is?

GO FOR IT!!!!

The reason why I'd ask them that is so I can try to work on whatever is wrong with me.

If you have to change yourself for a boy to like you, he isn't worth it. Find a boy who likes you just the way you are; don't change just for him.

and i will say this..

as much as everyone is saying "go for it!" about it, DON'T go for it if you don't want to go out with him other than to "fit in". that's using him for your own personal gain. if you want to ask someone out, make sure it's because you like him, you already know him pretty well, you think the realtionship would work out, and you're not too scared to ask him yourself. in that case, do go for it.

and i will say this..

as much as everyone is saying "go for it!" about it, DON'T go for it if you don't want to go out with him other than to "fit in". that's using him for your own personal gain. if you want to ask someone out, make sure it's because you like him, you already know him pretty well, you think the realtionship would work out, and you're not too scared to ask him yourself. in that case, do go for it.
Right, when you said that you wanted to ask him out I thought you meant cause you liked him. If you ask him out for popularity thats just wrong.

you should stop focusing so much on "finding a boyfriend" and dwelling on "what's wrong with me" - couldn't you just try to make an effort to make friends with some boys, and get used to being more comfortable around them and with yourself.

There's nothing wrong with asking a guy out, but do it for the right reasons.

You might want to consider getting to know YOURSELF a little better, and just flat out maturing a bit more and enjoy being a kid, before you expect to have a relationship worth crapping on. It's a good indication that you still need to mature a little if you think finding out "what's wrong with you" can be discovered through a guys rejection. It happens. No matter how old, how cool, or how pretty you get, you will be rejected.

Like Roby said, nothing wrong w/ a girl asking a guy, just do it for the right reasons.

Errrrrm... I'm not a fan of girls asking boys out. I don't know, maybe I'm old fashioned, but I could never ask a boy out. I feel that in a relationship there are just some things the girl has to do and some things the boy has to do, and asking the girl out is one of them, IMO.
But, if the guy is really shy, or afraid youd turn him down, you might lose out on a really good relationship, just cause you didnt make the first move

Now I'm REALLY afraid if the boys will say no! :(

I'll be an outcast forever and ever!

Now I'm REALLY afraid if the boys will say no! :(

I'll be an outcast forever and ever!
oh dear lord, i'm sorry, but that deserves a :rolleyes:

I take back my : "go for it", you'll only hurt yourself and the poor guy that says yes if you go for it. You need to mature a bit more and realize that there is more to you than what guy you have on your arm.

Now I'm REALLY afraid if the boys will say no! :(

I'll be an outcast forever and ever!
hun, it works BOTH ways, im a VERY shy man, and I never could ask anyone out, so now im all alone, youll never succeed if you dont try, you might fail if you ask a guy out, but, youll DEFFINATELY fail, if you dont even try< Im the voice of experience here, sadly

Better to strike out than never play the game.

Better to strike out than never play the game.

True

True

But you also shouldnt ask a boy out just to have a boyfriend. When you find someone you like though, go for it.

Im old fashioned, I wouldnt ask out a guy, but personally I'm friends with bunch of guys and if I actually like one, we will talk and chill in a group and then eventually maybe chill in a smaller group and see how it goes and if hes feeling the same way you guys can hook up and take it from there...but seriously dont have a boyfriend just to have one...

I'm not trying to discourage you but if I was a guy, I wouldnt find it appealing if a girl asked me out, but on the other hand a bunch of guys think that its a major turn on...so do what makes you truly happy

Better to strike out than never play the game.
I hear ya! That's why I went out on a limb and risked TWICE by asking out TWO crushes. I mean, life really IS too short to just sit there and sulk "wondering" the what-if! I would rather "risk it" than kick myself later wondering what would've been.

Why do you care so much about having a boyfriend? If you want to stop being an "outcast" try making friends first. You don't need a boyfriend. If you do ask a guy out whether he says yes or no you will end up hurting yourself in the end if he breaks up with you or you hurting him if you break up with him. Sorry if I don't sound as encouraging as everyone else, but that's the truth. Like MsOrange said you have ALOT of growing up to do first.

Ok, if you wanna ask someone out cause you LIKE them, than go for it
If you wanna ask him out to fit in, that dont.

I really having nothing to say about the entire girls asking boys out thing because it doesn't apply to me, but there is something that I wanted to say to the original poster.

Girl Meets World - You're only 14, right? What's the rush? You have so much time to find someone. Don't be in such a hurry.

But you also shouldnt ask a boy out just to have a boyfriend.
Basically, though, that's what most kids do, and why it's stupid they have "boyfriends" and "girlfriends." Half of them havn't even hit puberty yet, how in the hell are they supposed to have feelings for someone? tards.

but on the other hand a bunch of guys think that its a major turn on...

i think it is. but that's because usually i am afraid to ask out a girl because i normally think the girl is too good for me ;)

anyway, if i found out a girl was only using me so she could have a boyfriend, i wouldn't be honored and i would find it offensive. it really wouldn't say that much for me as the boyfriend. but i think if you really like this guy for who he is, go for it.