Miss Golden
07-30-2005, 04:49 PM
http://www.fortwayne.com/mld/newssentinel/12245192.htm
http://www.fortwayne.com/images/fortwayne/newssentinel/news/FEA0730maincourse.IMG_07-30-2005_CG3A77D.jpg
Chuck E. Cheese is a haven for loud games, pricey food
If you like game tokens with your pizza, this eatery is the place for you.
Can you run out of maternal instinct? I’m afraid I squandered mine on dogs and boyfriends, and now I have none left for drooling babies, temperamental toddlers and snarky preteens.
The prospect, therefore, of dining at Chuck E. Cheese’s made my blood run cold.
I expected this kiddie paradise of pizza, video games, climbing apparatuses and mouse mascots to be a version of hell, like the locked drawing room in Sartre’s “No Exit.” A lunch hour in there could telescope into eternity.
My friend, a former preschool teacher who had the good sense to graduate to adult students, laughed at me.
“They’re just children, for heaven’s sake,” she said. “They won’t bite. … OK, sometimes they bite.”
I shook my head. “It’s easy for you to laugh. Kids like you. They smell my fear.”
I had already put off reviewing Chuck E. Cheese’s once — on a school-year Saturday packed with birthday parties — so I felt compelled to proceed on this weekday in midsummer. I steeled my nerves.
My friend and I felt quite out of place without little towheads, but the hostess didn’t bat an eye. Does that mean some adults actually come here on purpose, without being pestered by offspring? We were allowed to go right in since we didn’t have children who needed precautionary ID-tagging.
We had no more than passed through the turnstiles — yes, turnstiles — when I heard the sound of young voices raised in song. A cluster of kids, three restaurant employees and Chuck E. Cheese the Mouse were bellowing, clapping and stomping their way through, “If You’re Happy and You Know It.” I cringed like the curmudgeon I am. The only thing worse, I thought, would be, “Knick Knack Paddy Whack.”
Sensing that I was about to flee, my friend pushed me toward the counter where customers order their meals. I scanned the menu. The offerings are limited, but packed with kid appeal. Grown-up palates need not apply.
My friend and I decided to share a chicken wing appetizer ($5.99) and a small Super Combo pizza ($11.99). I placed the order and paid my money and received, in exchange, two empty soft drink cups, seven golden game tokens, a receipt and a plastic teepee with No. 14 on it. We chose a table, set the teepee on the edge, as instructed, and waited.
The dining room, if you could call it that, was teeming with children carrying plastic cups full of tokens in their sticky little hands. They flitted from here to there, lighting just long enough in front of a video game to pull a few levers and poke a few buttons. Occasionally, they’d run up and hug the stoop-shouldered, man-size mouse, who looked like he needed a stiff drink and a dry-cleaning.
Actually, the kids were pretty well-behaved; it was the games themselves that made my blood pressure climb.
One, called the Tower of Power, rang with eerie celestial chimes. Another shouted, “Do the YoYo Punch!” every minute or so. The sounds of squealing brakes and revving engines emanated from a car-racing game. Apparently, I also lack the hormone that lets women tune out everything but their own children. I saw one mother lounging lengthwise in a booth with a hardcover romantic-suspense novel. I noticed another mom doing her bills.
The best way to drown out the video game noise, I decided, was to play one.
“You wanna race?” I asked, shoving a token toward my friend.
“You bet,” she said.
We briefly inspected the game’s seats and steering wheels for kiddie effluvium, then settled into the imaginary cockpits. My Porsche 911 could have beaten my friend’s Dodge Viper by a lap or two— if I’d been able to stay out of the infield. The steering was loose, and the brakes were spongy. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
Our wings were waiting for us when we returned to our table. There were 12 of them, served with several celery sticks and the traditional blue cheese dressing. The wings were plump and meaty, but not the least bit crispy. The Buffalo-style sauce wasn’t spicy — childproofing, I suppose — but it had good, finger-licking flavor. The celery was crunchy. The dip was creamy.
The wing bones were piling up by the time our pizza arrived. I was pleasantly surprised by our Super Combo. I expected a pizza on par with those sold at street fairs, bowling alleys and convenience stores, but Chuck E. Cheese’s was significantly better. The pan-style crust was dressed with tomato sauce, mozzarella and generous amounts of mushrooms, sausage, pepperoni, black olives, green peppers and chopped red onion. Definitely restaurant quality.
The $12 price tag was high, bordering on outrageous, although that’s to be expected at places where entertainment is included in the price. (The more food you buy, the more “free” tokens you get.) And, honestly, I can’t imagine anyone going to Chuck E. Cheese’s for the cuisine.
For dessert, we got a pan of cinnamon sticks ($2.49) and a bag of Sassy Sour Apple cotton candy ($1.99).
The cinnamon sticks, actually a small-pizza crust topped with a warm, buttery cinnamon and sugar mixture would have been great at 8 a.m. with a cup of coffee.
The ghastly green, apple-flavored spun sugar was something only a kid could love.
“Can you believe parents would feed their children cotton candy at a place like this? It’s pure sugar! They’ll be bouncing off the walls,” said my friend, sounding just like the preschool teacher she used to be.
“Like pouring gasoline on a campfire,” I said, licking the cotton candy off my fingers. “I’d sure hate to be in charge of naptime today, wouldn’t you?”
For once, I was looking forward to going back to the office.
Chuck E. Cheese’s
711 Coliseum Blvd. W.
Phone: 484-9668
Hours: 9 a.m.-10 p.m. Sunday-Thursday and 9 a.m.-11 p.m. Friday and Saturday
Handicapped-accessible: Yes
Menu sampler:
♦Hot dog, $2.49
♦Mozzarella sticks, $3.99
♦French fries, $1.99
♦Salad bar (unlimited), $5.49
♦Salad (one trip to the salad bar), $3.49
♦Ham and cheese sub, $5.49
♦Italian sub, $5.49
♦Chicken sub, $5.49
♦Family Saver deal (1 large pizza, 4 soft drinks and 100 game tokens), $39.99
♦Add a medium pizza to the above Family Saver deal, $9.99 more
♦Apple dessert pizza, $2.49
711 Coliseum Blvd. W.
Phone: 484-9668
Hours: 9 a.m.-10 p.m. Sunday-Thursday and 9 a.m.-11 p.m. Friday and Saturday
Handicapped-accessible: Yes
Menu sampler:
♦Hot dog, $2.49
♦Mozzarella sticks, $3.99
♦French fries, $1.99
♦Salad bar (unlimited), $5.49
♦Salad (one trip to the salad bar), $3.49
♦Ham and cheese sub, $5.49
♦Italian sub, $5.49
♦Chicken sub, $5.49
♦Family Saver deal (1 large pizza, 4 soft drinks and 100 game tokens), $39.99
♦Add a medium pizza to the above Family Saver deal, $9.99 more
♦Apple dessert pizza, $2.49
http://www.fortwayne.com/images/fortwayne/newssentinel/news/FEA0730maincourse.IMG_07-30-2005_CG3A77D.jpg
Chuck E. Cheese is a haven for loud games, pricey food
If you like game tokens with your pizza, this eatery is the place for you.
Can you run out of maternal instinct? I’m afraid I squandered mine on dogs and boyfriends, and now I have none left for drooling babies, temperamental toddlers and snarky preteens.
The prospect, therefore, of dining at Chuck E. Cheese’s made my blood run cold.
I expected this kiddie paradise of pizza, video games, climbing apparatuses and mouse mascots to be a version of hell, like the locked drawing room in Sartre’s “No Exit.” A lunch hour in there could telescope into eternity.
My friend, a former preschool teacher who had the good sense to graduate to adult students, laughed at me.
“They’re just children, for heaven’s sake,” she said. “They won’t bite. … OK, sometimes they bite.”
I shook my head. “It’s easy for you to laugh. Kids like you. They smell my fear.”
I had already put off reviewing Chuck E. Cheese’s once — on a school-year Saturday packed with birthday parties — so I felt compelled to proceed on this weekday in midsummer. I steeled my nerves.
My friend and I felt quite out of place without little towheads, but the hostess didn’t bat an eye. Does that mean some adults actually come here on purpose, without being pestered by offspring? We were allowed to go right in since we didn’t have children who needed precautionary ID-tagging.
We had no more than passed through the turnstiles — yes, turnstiles — when I heard the sound of young voices raised in song. A cluster of kids, three restaurant employees and Chuck E. Cheese the Mouse were bellowing, clapping and stomping their way through, “If You’re Happy and You Know It.” I cringed like the curmudgeon I am. The only thing worse, I thought, would be, “Knick Knack Paddy Whack.”
Sensing that I was about to flee, my friend pushed me toward the counter where customers order their meals. I scanned the menu. The offerings are limited, but packed with kid appeal. Grown-up palates need not apply.
My friend and I decided to share a chicken wing appetizer ($5.99) and a small Super Combo pizza ($11.99). I placed the order and paid my money and received, in exchange, two empty soft drink cups, seven golden game tokens, a receipt and a plastic teepee with No. 14 on it. We chose a table, set the teepee on the edge, as instructed, and waited.
The dining room, if you could call it that, was teeming with children carrying plastic cups full of tokens in their sticky little hands. They flitted from here to there, lighting just long enough in front of a video game to pull a few levers and poke a few buttons. Occasionally, they’d run up and hug the stoop-shouldered, man-size mouse, who looked like he needed a stiff drink and a dry-cleaning.
Actually, the kids were pretty well-behaved; it was the games themselves that made my blood pressure climb.
One, called the Tower of Power, rang with eerie celestial chimes. Another shouted, “Do the YoYo Punch!” every minute or so. The sounds of squealing brakes and revving engines emanated from a car-racing game. Apparently, I also lack the hormone that lets women tune out everything but their own children. I saw one mother lounging lengthwise in a booth with a hardcover romantic-suspense novel. I noticed another mom doing her bills.
The best way to drown out the video game noise, I decided, was to play one.
“You wanna race?” I asked, shoving a token toward my friend.
“You bet,” she said.
We briefly inspected the game’s seats and steering wheels for kiddie effluvium, then settled into the imaginary cockpits. My Porsche 911 could have beaten my friend’s Dodge Viper by a lap or two— if I’d been able to stay out of the infield. The steering was loose, and the brakes were spongy. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
Our wings were waiting for us when we returned to our table. There were 12 of them, served with several celery sticks and the traditional blue cheese dressing. The wings were plump and meaty, but not the least bit crispy. The Buffalo-style sauce wasn’t spicy — childproofing, I suppose — but it had good, finger-licking flavor. The celery was crunchy. The dip was creamy.
The wing bones were piling up by the time our pizza arrived. I was pleasantly surprised by our Super Combo. I expected a pizza on par with those sold at street fairs, bowling alleys and convenience stores, but Chuck E. Cheese’s was significantly better. The pan-style crust was dressed with tomato sauce, mozzarella and generous amounts of mushrooms, sausage, pepperoni, black olives, green peppers and chopped red onion. Definitely restaurant quality.
The $12 price tag was high, bordering on outrageous, although that’s to be expected at places where entertainment is included in the price. (The more food you buy, the more “free” tokens you get.) And, honestly, I can’t imagine anyone going to Chuck E. Cheese’s for the cuisine.
For dessert, we got a pan of cinnamon sticks ($2.49) and a bag of Sassy Sour Apple cotton candy ($1.99).
The cinnamon sticks, actually a small-pizza crust topped with a warm, buttery cinnamon and sugar mixture would have been great at 8 a.m. with a cup of coffee.
The ghastly green, apple-flavored spun sugar was something only a kid could love.
“Can you believe parents would feed their children cotton candy at a place like this? It’s pure sugar! They’ll be bouncing off the walls,” said my friend, sounding just like the preschool teacher she used to be.
“Like pouring gasoline on a campfire,” I said, licking the cotton candy off my fingers. “I’d sure hate to be in charge of naptime today, wouldn’t you?”
For once, I was looking forward to going back to the office.
Chuck E. Cheese’s
711 Coliseum Blvd. W.
Phone: 484-9668
Hours: 9 a.m.-10 p.m. Sunday-Thursday and 9 a.m.-11 p.m. Friday and Saturday
Handicapped-accessible: Yes
Menu sampler:
♦Hot dog, $2.49
♦Mozzarella sticks, $3.99
♦French fries, $1.99
♦Salad bar (unlimited), $5.49
♦Salad (one trip to the salad bar), $3.49
♦Ham and cheese sub, $5.49
♦Italian sub, $5.49
♦Chicken sub, $5.49
♦Family Saver deal (1 large pizza, 4 soft drinks and 100 game tokens), $39.99
♦Add a medium pizza to the above Family Saver deal, $9.99 more
♦Apple dessert pizza, $2.49
711 Coliseum Blvd. W.
Phone: 484-9668
Hours: 9 a.m.-10 p.m. Sunday-Thursday and 9 a.m.-11 p.m. Friday and Saturday
Handicapped-accessible: Yes
Menu sampler:
♦Hot dog, $2.49
♦Mozzarella sticks, $3.99
♦French fries, $1.99
♦Salad bar (unlimited), $5.49
♦Salad (one trip to the salad bar), $3.49
♦Ham and cheese sub, $5.49
♦Italian sub, $5.49
♦Chicken sub, $5.49
♦Family Saver deal (1 large pizza, 4 soft drinks and 100 game tokens), $39.99
♦Add a medium pizza to the above Family Saver deal, $9.99 more
♦Apple dessert pizza, $2.49