Okay...I may have told some of you about this guy that I like at work, but now I feel like I have to go public about it on this forum because I need more advice regarding this sitch I'm in. Here I go...

So...I really like one of my co-workers (Who shall be unnamed in this thread. If you already know what his name is...SHUT UP). There was just something about him ever since I first met him on my third day at work last month. We don't work in the same department, but we do get to see each other a lot. We've been talking and spending our breaks together and I kinda consider him as a friend. He kinda asked me out last week, but then it only turned out to be a group outing with him and two of his friends.

Ugh...it was horrible! He and his friends just sort of ignored me and they kept on talking about stuff in the car that I couldn't relate to: Partying, smoking, drinking, getting stoned, getting arrested, etc. Not to mention that his friends were SMOKING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AND POLLUTING MY POOR LITTLE LUNGS. pissed:

And...I didn't see him again till last night when I took my brother and cousin to the movies and he was working. I asked him if we would ever hang out again, but this time in private and without his friends and he just told me to call him whenever. Butttt...he also confided in me that he's kind of a drug dealer and that if that ever made me feel uncomfortable, then I should let him know. I was going to go out with him today, but after what he told me, I didn't want to anymore. Also, my dad doesn't want me to see him anymore. My co-worker goes to an alternative school and my dad is having suspicions as to why.

So...I'm asking you, How do I deal? I really, really like him, but I don't think it could ever work out between us. Our lifestyles are SO different, so opposite. He's a free-spirited wild child and I'm like, the girl next door. People say that opposites attract, but I don't know if it could in this case. And I do wanna go out with him again, I'm just afraid that he'll put me through some difficult situations. He's a REALLY nice guy-he really is-and I worry about him more than I worry about myself. He has so much potential to actually become something, but he hides it beneath the drugs, alcohol, and fighting. I don't wanna think about all the bad things that could happen to him. If I go out with him again, I think I'd just wanna sit down and have dinner with him, get to know him more, and let him know what I think and that I'm concerned for him.

Would it be possible for him to change? I wouldn't want him to do it for me or anyone else. I think someone needs to push him to have a little more respect for himself. It seems like such a longshot though.

Sorry if this doesn't make any sense. Let me know if you want me to clarify something. I just don't know what to do anymore. :crying:

I hate to say it, but I think it's best you don't get involved in that lifestyle. First off, it's illegal and secondly-- why make yourself uncomfortable? I am speaking from experience here(since I dated someone very similar to the guy you mentioned), and it's not a fun place to be...getting ignored isn't what an "interested" guy does to the girl he likes....

I'm sorry but it just doesn't seem like he's the right guy for you...Good luck.

If he doesn't want to change, nobody can make him. It sounds like he basically said, this is who I am, accept it or move on.

If you want to give it a try, go ahead. But understand, if he or his friends ever make you feel uncomforable, you have the right to speak out, and if the relationship ever makes you feel worthless or second class, dump him.

Do what is right for you.

I have to agree. Nip it in the bud. You won't change him and if anything, he could end up influencing you. I'll hand him that he did warn you, and is very upfront and cool with you.

I'd really keep it on a friendly level at work only. That's the other thing - he ever gets busted, and it could somehow get back to them at work, they know you're dating, and you'll be guilty by association. Also, it'll only end up with conflicts with his friends. You won't like hanging around them because of their smoking, and they probably won't stop it around you. It's unfortunate, but a good thing you found out early. I remember you telling us about him a while back.

Don't worry - you're young and pretty and there's lots of good guys out there. Have respect for yourself. ;)

Also, it's important that you don't put yourself into an illegal or potentially dangerous situation.

Usually I say give love a try, so you don't have any regrets. But this relationship just has regret written all over it. If you fail to change his lifestyle, you will feel regret. Not to mention the numerous other pitfalls that come with illegal activity.

I say that you explain to him exactly how you feel. Making snap judgements just like that is just ridiculous. Tell him EXACTLY what you're saying him, and see how he reacts.

And if that doesn't work....

http://www.DearAbby.com/

Dear God, that guy is a LOSER move on..first he ignores you in front of his friends and then he tells you that he is kind of a Drug Dealer :rolleyes:

I think if you really really like him, go for it. Talk to him and tell him how much you like him. Also tell him how uncomfortable you are with him being a drugdealer. Maybe he'll change his lifestyle. If that doesn't work, then I would just forget about him. He isn't worth it ;)

seriously dump him. you're risking your own reputation and you could end up involved in the same things.

I think if you really really like him, go for it. Talk to him and tell him how much you like him. Also tell him how uncomfortable you are with him being a drugdealer. Maybe he'll change his lifestyle. If that doesn't work, then I would just forget about him. He isn't worth it ;)
I disagree, you can never change anyone. I dated someone who both dealt with an addiction of drugs and as well was a drug dealer. it was not a pretty scene. I highly recommend that she stay away from having a relationship with this person regardless if she likes him or not; first he was rude towards her (proves that he does not have any respect) and second he deals with drugs..not good..not good at all, take it from me who has been there and done that...Stay away before you get hurt... :(

I agree with the majority. I say let him go. ;)

It might not sound like the best idea - but I'm sure you don't want to pick up his habits. Right?
Best Idea? Heavens no..Stay away, the smartest thing she can do, is to end the relationship before her feelings for this person become stronger and she ends up hurt; which when it comes to dealing with someone who is a "drug dealer" regardless how involved this individual is, the best advice I can give..is to walk away NOW before you come hurt either emotionally or even physically.

People say that opposites attract, but I don't know if it could in this case.

They attract at first, but after the first few dates/conversations, etc, it just doesn't work unless one of you is willing to change. And in this case, Please God don't let it be YOU!! There's nothing wrong with being the girl next door. :)

I'd say if he changed his lifestyle to one where he wasn't a target for cops, then you could pursue it; but I can just see you getting hurt down the road or in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I think that's what your dad is thinking too. Sounds like this one is a just-talk-to-at-work kind of crush. You're young; you have lots and lots of time to find a guy who's a little less...dangerous.

I disagree, you can never change anyone. I dated someone who both dealt with an addiction of drugs and as well was a drug dealer. it was not a pretty scene. I highly recommend that she stay away from having a relationship with this person regardless if she likes him or not; first he was rude towards her (proves that he does not have any respect) and second he deals with drugs..not good..not good at all, take it from me who has been there and done that...Stay away before you get hurt... :(
You can never change anyone? Then why are there rehab centers all across the effing world?!

You can never change anyone? Then why are there rehab centers all across the effing world?!
Geeez, i swear you sound like youre trying to talk her into it!! What should she do next, try playing Russian roulette, in case she likes it? Tightrope over the Grand Canyon ( "Ok, you might fall, but what a rush" )...or risk her life in any other way, simply cause she MIGHT survive??

Don't listen to this guy ^^^, the boy you "like" is BAD NEWS ...What do you "like" about him anyway? Whatever the attraction, its obvious that in the things that REALLY make up his character, he isnt attractive at ALL...run girl, run fast!!!!

Dump the bastard......Your a good girl and don't ever change.
EDIT:::Wow....i sound like my mom :lol:

Dump the bastard......Your a good girl and don't ever change.
EDIT:::Wow....i sound like my mom :lol:


Its funny when you discover that happening!! It's actually just maturity setting in < OH GOD NO - NOT THAT > :lol:

Yup, turns out that mom and dad do know some things afterall!

I have nothing against partying, and even dated a couple of "dealers" myself in my younger days, but yeah, just from the sounds of things and the way his friends disrespect people, its just not going to be worth the trouble in the long haul.

Forgot about the guy. He's a DRUG DEALER, don't get yourself involved with one of those dirt bags.

Amen mod

You should just forgot about him, he sounds like trouble.

You can't make anybody change. Just forget about him, men tend to suck anyway.

" men tend to suck anyway".
Thats not fair, how would you feel if i said "all girls tend to be golddigging b****es"? :(

Thats not fair, how would you feel if i said "all girls are golddigging b****es"?


I didn't say "all men."

I didn't say "all men."
saying "men" tend to be, means you are generalising and saying the majority are

I think if there's anything about a person you think you like that'd you'd want to change, they're really not the person you thought you liked. Er...if that makes sense. But yeah, especially if it's something like that. Then, the crush probably won't go away just like that so you just have to keep telling yourself that I guess. I dunno.

Thats not fair, how would you feel if i said "all girls tend to be golddigging b****es"? :(
I'd say you're right. ;)

saying "men" tend to be, means you are generalising and saying the majority are


You're right and I apologize. I guess I'll tell the original poster that she shouldn't bother with this guy, because he is bound to get her into trouble.

Okay...I may have told some of you about this guy that I like at work, but now I feel like I have to go public about it on this forum because I need more advice regarding this sitch I'm in. Here I go...

So...I really like one of my co-workers (Who shall be unnamed in this thread. If you already know what his name is...SHUT UP). There was just something about him ever since I first met him on my third day at work last month. We don't work in the same department, but we do get to see each other a lot. We've been talking and spending our breaks together and I kinda consider him as a friend. He kinda asked me out last week, but then it only turned out to be a group outing with him and two of his friends.

Ugh...it was horrible! He and his friends just sort of ignored me and they kept on talking about stuff in the car that I couldn't relate to: Partying, smoking, drinking, getting stoned, getting arrested, etc. Not to mention that his friends were SMOKING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AND POLLUTING MY POOR LITTLE LUNGS. pissed:

And...I didn't see him again till last night when I took my brother and cousin to the movies and he was working. I asked him if we would ever hang out again, but this time in private and without his friends and he just told me to call him whenever. Butttt...he also confided in me that he's kind of a drug dealer and that if that ever made me feel uncomfortable, then I should let him know. I was going to go out with him today, but after what he told me, I didn't want to anymore. Also, my dad doesn't want me to see him anymore. My co-worker goes to an alternative school and my dad is having suspicions as to why.

So...I'm asking you, How do I deal? I really, really like him, but I don't think it could ever work out between us. Our lifestyles are SO different, so opposite. He's a free-spirited wild child and I'm like, the girl next door. People say that opposites attract, but I don't know if it could in this case. And I do wanna go out with him again, I'm just afraid that he'll put me through some difficult situations. He's a REALLY nice guy-he really is-and I worry about him more than I worry about myself. He has so much potential to actually become something, but he hides it beneath the drugs, alcohol, and fighting. I don't wanna think about all the bad things that could happen to him. If I go out with him again, I think I'd just wanna sit down and have dinner with him, get to know him more, and let him know what I think and that I'm concerned for him.

Would it be possible for him to change? I wouldn't want him to do it for me or anyone else. I think someone needs to push him to have a little more respect for himself. It seems like such a longshot though.

Sorry if this doesn't make any sense. Let me know if you want me to clarify something. I just don't know what to do anymore. :crying:



I would think you would want the BOY NEXT DOOR instead of someone wild

You're right and I apologize. I guess I'll tell the original poster that she shouldn't bother with this guy, because he is bound to get her into trouble.
No problem Desp Fan...and thx for visiting my Tom Hanks thread :) post anytime!

I agree with everyone else. I'd end it right now and try and stay away from this guy as much as possible. I understand you work with him and you can't help seeing him sometimes but I would not see him outside of work unless he gets his act together. If he really wants to change, he will, but no one can help him change unless he really wants to. It's best not to let your feelings for him go any farther because you will only get hurt more in the end. Anyway, it's unfair to you for him to even introduce you to that kind of lifestyle and put your life/health in danger.

don't fall for the whole "oh, i can change him" ... you can't. Follow everyone else's advice and move on... yea, it's gonna be hard because the fact that he's wild is probably a turn on, but you are better off w/out him

I wouldn't get involved. It's sad and I know that you may be into him but for your own good I would just keep your relationship on a "friends" level , not getting very close.

You can never change anyone? Then why are there rehab centers all across the effing world?!


You can't change a person unless they want to change. Unless a person understands on some level that how they live is wrong, there's nothing any counsilor can do to fix that life. Change comes from with in.

You're right and I apologize. I guess I'll tell the original poster that she shouldn't bother with this guy, because he is bound to get her into trouble.


Yah, you're just going through a bad period Laura - believe me, I think both sexes do - where they're down on guys or girls in general. It passes. Hell - if it didn't how would we ever keep the population going! ;) :lol:

Yah, you're just going through a bad period Laura - believe me, I think both sexes do - where they're down on guys or girls in general. It passes. Hell - if it didn't how would we ever keep the population going! ;) :lol:
clones babe, clones!!!! ( ps dont get upset that I called you babe...it just looks cooler written that way :p )

I highly recommend that she stay away from having a relationship with this person regardless if she likes him or not; first he was rude towards her (proves that he does not have any respect) and second he deals with drugs..not good..not good at all, take it from me who has been there and done that...Stay away before you get hurt... :(

Actually, he's never been rude towards me. At some points during that one day, I felt like he was treating me like I was invisible, but I didn't think he was being rude. In fact, I feel like he was being more respectful towards me than his friends were, but then again, he actually knows who he's dealing with. :rolleyes:

Yah, you're just going through a bad period Laura - believe me, I think both sexes do - where they're down on guys or girls in general. It passes. Hell - if it didn't how would we ever keep the population going! ;) :lol:


:lol: True. I get pissed off because the opposite sex doesn't notice that I exist. I'm 20, and they don't notice me at all. I'm starting to feel like a lost cause. Maybe I should become a nun or something.

clones babe, clones!!!! ( ps dont get upset that I called you babe...it just looks cooler written that way :p )


No prob - I tend to use "baby" or "buddy" myself. :happyface

:lol: True. I get pissed off because the opposite sex doesn't notice that I exist. I'm 20, and they don't notice me at all. I'm starting to feel like a lost cause. Maybe I should become a nun or something.

That actually reminds me. I was in the same boat really in my mid-twenties and I started using Rose Marie as Sally as my mentor. I had a great pile of comebacks for people. Like - You know when convents start sending you applications in the mail, you're in trouble. My favourites though were ones I can't post on the public boards! :lol:

Seriously though, I think what happens is somehow you don't realize it, but because you are so down, it comes across in your facial expressions and manners. Body language sometimes will keep them away. Once I realized that I might be coming across like that, I really tried to lighten up and it seemed to help. Most of my problems were that guys might have noticed me, but it was all the wrong types! :rolleyes:

First he ignores you, then he tells you he is a drug dealer, and you are confused?!? Wake up!

Actually, he's never been rude towards me. At some points during that one day, I felt like he was treating me like I was invisible, but I didn't think he was being rude. In fact, I feel like he was being more respectful towards me than his friends were, but then again, he actually knows who he's dealing with. :rolleyes:
If he' ignores you then he's being rude. Dump him. He's not worth it.

Aww Karen that sucks. GUYS SUCK lol, I hate crushes. Well, coming from a girl who knows what its like to really like someone, you just cant get over someone that fast. Id say if you wanna go out for dinner one last time ALONE, go for it. I wouldnt do anything else after that though and Id try not to associate with him much out of work. I highly doubt hes the man youre going to spend the rest of your life with, so its not worth it to get yourself hurt. :hug:

Geeez, i swear you sound like youre trying to talk her into it!! What should she do next, try playing Russian roulette, in case she likes it? Tightrope over the Grand Canyon ( "Ok, you might fall, but what a rush" )...or risk her life in any other way, simply cause she MIGHT survive??

Don't listen to this guy ^^^, the boy you "like" is BAD NEWS ...What do you "like" about him anyway? Whatever the attraction, its obvious that in the things that REALLY make up his character, he isnt attractive at ALL...run girl, run fast!!!!
Um...no. No one said anything about Russian anything.

I think that maybe if this guy knew her true feelings for him, he could, and maybe would, change his ways. It's happened millions of times before, and just letting him know how she feels couldn't harm her in anyway.

Um...no. No one said anything about Russian anything.

I think that maybe if this guy knew her true feelings for him, he could, and maybe would, change his ways. It's happened millions of times before, and just letting him know how she feels couldn't harm her in anyway.
And it should be noted that most dealers aren't users, and it'd be easier to quit dealing...

This is really hard. The heartbreak has already started for me, and I sense that there will be more heartbreak regardless of whatever decision I choose to make...I think I've already come to one. It's an extremely difficult decision, but to me, it's the right one. OMG, I'm gonna start bawlin once I tell him, I know it. :(

Ugh...I know I'll be seeing him on Friday and if not, then next week, but I still don't know how to tell him. I obviously don't wanna do it in front of my friends and our co-workers. The theater only makes us work so hard. :rolleyes:

Anyways, thank you all for your input, please keep it coming, it is greatly appreciated. I'll let you all know what happens. Thanks everyone. :bighug:

If he' ignores you then he's being rude. Dump him. He's not worth it.
:nod: If he was atuned to your feelings, he wouldn't zone you out. People ignore people they're right next to only if they don't care.

And it should be noted that most dealers aren't users, and it'd be easier to quit dealing...


I don't know about that. I've known a few dealers and they used - at least to some degree. Also, the money they make is pretty enticing - like hookers - he's probably making more money at it than he is he job, and of course, a lot less hours. Unless he had really strong feelings for her, I don't think he would give it up that easily. Usually the only time they'll give it up is if the heat's on them or they actually get busted - and even then, quite often, its only temporary.

What if I just pretended like I never had feelings for him? I now realize that I don't want anything to change between us. The hang-out-only-at-work relationship is cool with me, and I think I'll be hurt whether the relationship goes down or goes further.

What if I just pretended like I never had feelings for him? I now realize that I don't want anything to change between us. The hang-out-only-at-work relationship is cool with me, and I think I'll be hurt whether the relationship goes down or goes further.

I think that's your best bet - just keep it as buddies at work and you'll be fine! ;)