Hi,I was wondering wnere I could find quotes to the show,I think the
show was so hilarious!,I would love to read the quotes over again
if anybody has any!,My only so far has been www.imdb.com.

Marie: I'm not just a trophy wife.
Frank: Trophy wife? What contest in h*ll did I win??

Frank: Kill is going to Debra you.

Robert: "You're number one, Raymond, you're number one!!!"

Debra: "It's not about winning and losing." Ray: "You know who says that? The loser."

Peggy: "And the third prize..." Ray: "You're out of the troop."

(Frank is staring at Marie's sculpture.) Janitor (to Frank): "If you ask me it looks like a --" (He whispers something in Frank's ear and leaves.) Frank (nearly twenty seconds later): "Holy crap."

There's a collection of Everybody Loves Raymond quotes at http://funnytvquotes.com/.

Marie: "...who keeps pornography for 29 years?" Frank: "Anyone married to you."

Marie: "You think I was born yesterday?" Frank: "Anyone?'

(Marie's just been accidentally spray painted.) Frank (walking by): "That's gonna need another coat."

Marie: Look Frank a party.
Frank: Holy Crap.

Frank: "All kids are annoying."

I love this Frank/Marie exchange from the episode named The Author: "Are you messing with my head?" "Well, I can't mess with your hair." :D :D :D

God bless you always!!! :) :) :)

Holly

(Debra to Ray)

Debra - "You know what, I'm tired. Could you just call yourself an idiot?"

Ray - "You said you didn't know me?"
Debra - "You were stuffing your pants with food!"
Ray - "So? I'm your husband, you're supposed to love me no matter what's in my pants!"

Frank (to Hank): "You creepeth me out."

Marie: "Being fake helps no one."

Marie: "And I can't get two words out of him." Frank: "I'll give you two words..."

Ray (to priest): "Frank Barone?" Priest: "You know Frank Barone?" Ray: "He's my father." Priest: "Your parents are Frank and Marie Barone?" Ray: "Yes." Priest: "You're absolved."

Robert: "Even dead people love Raymond."

Marie: "...who keeps pornography for 29 years?" Frank: "Anyone married to you."Yeah, "pornography"
Playboy magazine

wHEN rOBERT SAID SOMETHING LIKE

"i SMELLED THE CAKE BAKING, AND SAW THE DIRTY PAN IN THE SINK, BUT (sorry cap loc ) didn't see a cake, So I figured it was on it's way over to Raymond's.

Marie - "Where do you want me to put this turkey?"
Debra -"I'll tell you where you can put it...."

Debra - "So it was just the once and then you got married?"
Frank - "It was just the once and then we HAD to get married."
Marie -"Oh Frank! NO!"

Pat (to Amy): "You're raising your voice. We don't do that." Frank: "Too late, lady, she's one of us now."

m

Debra: Hey, do you know what I think is really sexy?
Ray: What?
Debra: A man who does the dishes.
Ray: No, does nothing for me... Do you know what does it for me? A woman who does the dishes... with another woman!

Ray: All three kids asleep. You thought I couldn't get Ally to take a nap.
Debra: Good job, honey.
Ray: Yeah. By the way, tomorrow we have to buy a pony.

Marie: "It's an abstract."
Ray: (low voice)"Not abstract enough."

Debra: "We don't believe in art in the bedroom."

Ray: "She thinks that it's a sailboat."

Marie: Debra, don't let a suitcase full of cheese become your big fork and spoon.

Frank: "I could eat a box of Alpha Bits and CRAP a better interview!"

Robert: "When the little monkey rings the bell and the pellet comes out. He
doesn't ask how the pellet got there, he just enjoys the PELLET!"

Robert: How do I face Amy and Mom and Dad - They think I'm a model!
Ray: Nobody thinks that.

Frank: "So are you going to finish my pancakes or what . . I'm starving!"
Marie: "The batter's sitting right there, Frank. You can't pour batter on a
griddle?"
Frank: "You better hope I can't . . otherwise you're on a bus to the home!"

(Robert's date with Judy)

Robert - Have you seen her, she's all sparkly, now I don't look right.
Ray - I'm afraid that's the hand you were dealt.

Ray: "Disco sucks."

Robert: "Everybody loves Raymond. I go to work people shoot at me, Ray goes to work and people do the wave. Then he sits down, has a hotdog, doodles on a piece of paper and they give him a trophy."

Marie says to Deb-"I have to go. There's a pig eating my ham."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Ray: "...another angel gets her wings."

Ray (taking the cordless phone out of the fridge) (dialog into phone): "Oh, Tommy!! You were hiding in the fridge! (pause) It makes PERFECT sense!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marie: "Now, Debra, don't take this as a criticism..." (and, of course, goes on to offer a criticism)

(not exact)--

Marie: I think, for each year a woman ages, she should lengthen her dress by an inch.

Frank: Then you should be trailing around a Persian rug.

^^^ To me, Frank and Marie had the greatest lines. :D :D :D

God bless you always!!! :) :) :)

Holly

P.S. Robert had a good one though when Ray asked him, "Do you remember when me and Deborah went to Connecticut a few weeks ago?" Robert was like, "Sure, Ray, I remember every one of your comings and goings. You're my whole life." :D :D :D

Ray (sitting next to Frank, during Debra's OWI hearing): "You didn't brush your teeth today, did you?"

Robert: "She doesn't suspect a thing."
Ray: "What? That you're a dwarf on stilts?"

Marie Barone: Frank do you love me?

Frank Barone: YOU STILL NEED REASSURANCE, AFTER 45 YEARS OF BONDAGE

Frank: "What's with the broads?"

Amy: "Why do men ever want to measure anything?"
Linda: "Why do you think?"

Marie: "This is what a family does."

Raymond: "If somebody dies you've got to tell them."

Robert: "So I guess now we'll watch Raymond do anything."

Frank: (to Raymond)"Hey! I was there and I saw your wife fall apart! I never saw her look like that, and I tell you I never want to see her look like that again!"

Debra Barone: Ok, you know what? I'm tired of this. I'd rather be normal than this.
[imitates Marie]
Debra Barone: Ooh, dear how are you. Frosting in a can, so much easier than homemade. Look in that refrigerator. Whoa, smells like there wasn't anything good in here for a while.
[imitates Frank]
Debra Barone: Time for desert. Holy crap. I'm not listening anymore, doo dah, doo dah...
[imitates Robert]
Debra Barone: Oh, everything's turning out perfect for Raymond.
[increasingly frustrated]
Debra Barone: Oh, lucky Raymond. Everybody loves Raymond. EVERYBODY loves Raymond. EVERYBODY LOVES Raymond. EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND!
[everybody laughs]
Robert Barone: Do me, now.

Ray: "That's old man aerobics."

Gianni: "Man. This thing is old."
Ray: "Heyy, easy! She's standin' right there."

Debra: "Gianni, while you're out getting a new stove, could you pick up a spine for my husband?"

Ray Barone: You said you didn't know me?

Debra Barone: You were stuffing your pants with food!

Ray Barone: So? I'm your husband, you're supposed to love me no matter what's in my pants!

^^^ That was from a good episode. Deborah was a complete and total hypocrite and I am glad that Ray called her out on it.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Marie Barone: He hates it when I cry. It reminds him of our wedding night.

Marie (about Debra's list of things she does around the house), laughing: Just looking at some of the things on this list you claim that you do.

^^^ That episode was shown last night on the TV Land network. Giving Debra grief about child care, house cleaning, and doing the laundry in my opinion is over the line, but if her cooking really is that bad, why can't she just admit it and be done with it?

God bless you always!!!

Holly

[Frank is eating lasagna from the platter]
Marie Barone: Frank! What are you doing? You can't eat it from there! Your fork was in there! Now nobody can eat it!
Frank Barone: That's all I have to do? In that case, the fork's been in the ice cream, too!

Robert: "Most of the women I talk to are in handcuffs. And then half of them turn out to be men."

Frank Barone: You know, Robert gets the jealousy thing from me.

Debra: (to Ray)"There'd better be booze at that party."

[after the twins have knocked his golf clubs down the stairs]
Ray Barone: Yeah... you won't be smiling when we send you a postcard from Disneyland.

Frank's catchphrase: "Holy crap."

Marie: "I have my own opinions....I'm not just some trophy wife."
Frank: "Trophy wife?! What contest in hell did I win!?"

Frank: "There's something else I can't do."
Marie: "That's not all you can't do."

Ray: (to Robert)"You are an idiot trapped in a moron."

Debra Barone: Don't you miss Italy, Ray? Look I took that right from Aunt Colleta's ballcony.
Raymond "Ray" Barone: Wow, look at that lake. Next time we go let's swim naked.
Debra Barone: You know there's fish in there.
Raymond "Ray" Barone: Okay, then just you."

Ally: "What happened?"
Ray: "Grandpa and Grandma stopped by."

Debra: "My tone? My tone?? YOU JUST DROVE YOUR CAR INTO MY HOUSE!!!"

Frank: (to Ray)"Suck rope, pal."
Ray: "That's it; get out of the house."

Ray: "Start walking, alright? Because I've had it."

http://i.tbs.com/v5cache/TBS/Images/Dynamic/i42/raymond_frank1_1024x768_121020071106.jpg

Ray: (to Robert)"How about I install my foot right up your -----."

(Robert punches an out-of-control home alarm.)
Ray: "Where's that in the manual?"
Robert: "You might want to call tech support....And get me a buckeye of ice."

"Raymond "Ray" Barone: I loved it when my mother said: "I'm a mother, you are my business!" You know what we're waiting for Ma? Your "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE"."

Marie: "He doesn't deserve one of my cakes."

Frank Barone: 'Luck' is the residue of good planning.

^^^ I could be wrong, but I believe that Frank said, "Luck is the residue of design."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. Then he was like, "Shut up." when Ray questioned him. :D :D :D

Robert Barone: I'm a freak!

Raymond: You're superfreaky!

(Debra kisses Ray.)
Ray: "What was that?"
Debra: "I love surprises."
Ray: "Yeah? Well, go upstairs and I'll surprise the hell out of ya."

Ray: "Great. Now she's too happy to have sex."

Marie: "I hope people can still eat with all these dragons around."
Frank: "I do it every night."

Frank: "That lady is a fruitbag."

Frank: "Who knows? On the way we may even spot a herd of Lutherans."

Amy: "Is that a heavy metal band?"

Robert: "A heavy metal puzzle."

Pat: "I'll be there, just as soon as I finish this flaming skull."

Frank: Ray, I've got some news. I don't know the best way to break this... Your great-uncle Gus, dead!
Ray: Oh, no I liked him.
Robert: Yeah me too... Hey nuts!(referring to a bowl of nuts on the table)

Ray: (to Debra)"Let's just go to the mall! You can buy stuff and I'll walk behind you and call you 'pretty'."

Frank: "I never waste time tryin' to understand your mother. I just accept she's insane."

Ray Barone: I guess I am going to be out of commission for a while.

Debra Barone: I wouldn't worry - it's not like Van Gogh has lost his paint brush.

Ray Barone: Not every family goes by on a conveyor belt, but mine does, because...

Robert Barone: Everybody loves Raymond.

Robert Barone: Excuse me! I believe this is MY bed.

Debra: (to Ray)"What's wrong with you?"
Ray: "How about you? You ran away like a little girl."

"Robert Barone: I'm a freak!
Raymond: You're superfreaky!"

Frank: (to Robert)"Why don't you put on a dress and do a dance?"

Amy: "Robert, use a glass."

Frank: "They're for my, uh, foot."

Debra: "Oh, so by his foot you mean..."

Amy: "Ohhh, his 'foot'."

Frank: "Your husbands are dead men."

Marie: "I mean, nobody talks to your father, especially people."

The only reason Debra keeps me alive is to open jars and kill bugs

(Marie smells tobacco on Robert, and slaps him)

Robert: Ow! What'ja do that for?

Marie: You've been smoking!

(Frank enters)

Marie: Frank, hit him!

(Frank smacks him upside the head)

Marie: Do you know what he's been doing? Smell him!

(Frank bends down, toward the back, and sniffs)

Marie: No, not there! His shirt!

Ray Barone: What's with you?
Debra Barone: I just haven't been over here since they packed. Weird, isn't it?
Ray Barone: Yeah. Closing day at the mental institution.
Robert Barone: Yep. Final clearance - all crazies must go.
Debra Barone: Come on. Come on.
Ray Barone: What?
Debra Barone: It's just not that it's actually happening, I feel...
Ray Barone: ...like ruining everything?

Marie: "Ever since he retired, he's around all the time."
Debra: "But that's what happens when you retire."
Marie: "I know, but I never thought he'd live this long."
Ray: "Come on, Mom. Look; that's-that's not our problem, alright? You've had 40 years to poison him."

Ray Barone: You're already planning the wedding?
Debra Barone: I've been planning it since I was 12.
Ray Barone: But you didn't meet me until you were 22.
Debra Barone: Well, you're the last piece of the puzzle.

Robert: "Pumpernickel sleeps with the fish sticks."

Marie about Joanne: And now it’s time to take out the trash!

Ray: All three kids asleep. You thought I couldn't get Ally to take a nap.

Debra: Good job, honey.

Ray: Yeah. By the way, tomorrow we have to buy a pony.

Frank Barone: You know, Robert gets the jealousy thing from me.

Ray Barone: Oh, yeah?

Frank Barone: Yeah, one time I drove my fist through a Cadillac, on account of your mother.

Ray Barone: Really?

Frank, Raymond and Robert were discussing the faces their wives made when they want sex.


Frank: "Marie has a face she makes. That's why, after sunset, I avoid ALL eye contact!"

Ray: "I'm mixin' it up, I'm pickin' my spot, I'm keepin' it fresh."

Ray: "God is funny."

Frank: "The stomach knows not ugly."

Frank: "You know what makes this sandwich so great? Doesn't come with a side of Marie."
Marie: (enters) "Frank..."
Ray: "Somebody screwed up your order."

Laughter's the best medicine, right? I'm keeping it loose, keeping it light.

— Ray Barone

Frank: "Nobody handed me any answers."
Debra: "Clearly."

Frank: "Alive, dead, who knows?"

Debra: "Your family was involved with the Mafia? I knew it."

Debra: (to Ray) "What is with your family?"

Marie: "Nobody wants a bad party."

Marie: "There are no secrets in this family."

Frank: "What is this, a petition? Where do I sign?"

Frank: Why do you think that is? Why do you think that is, Marie?!
Marie: I'm sleeping here tonight!
Frank: Good!

Ally: "I hate broccoli."

Ray: "Why can't a dog play the trumpet?"

Debra: "I think the village found its idiot."

Ally: "But the sign said 'No sampling'."

Frank: (to Ally) "I'm not so scary, am I?"
Ally: "Not more than Grandma."

Debra: "Their marriage was like a rock, the one solid rock for me."

You know that shampoo that says 'no more tears' on the bottle? There's tears.

— Robert Barone

Debra: [To Ray, about Marie] Anything she cooks for me you're tasting first.

Marie & Frank:

Ray Barone: Nothing is ever good enough, and it's always our fault!
Frank Barone: Hey, you can't speak to your mother like that!
Ray Barone: You do!
Frank Barone: She's not my mother!

Ray: "Game start already?"
Gianni: (sarcastically)"No, they're waiting for you."

Ray: "Robert made me do it."

Ray: "You gotta give the people what they want!"

Ray: "I'll have the sex talk with her."
Debra: "You know what, Ray? You can be there and I'll explain it to the both of you."

Ally: "Why are there babies?"

Ally: "...why are we born? Why does God put us here?"

Ray: "I got ambushed!!"

Robert: "Nobody talked to me."

Frank: "Nobody needs to tell the bee where to go to get the honey."

Debra: "...she wants to know why we're here."

Frank: (to Robert)" You need to find yourself a broad, and pronto."

Robert: (to Ray)"That's your God?"
Ray: "Yeah."

Robert: "You ever think about space? What is it?"

Robert: "Maybe there's no meaning of life for any of us."

Debra: "...maybe that's kind of the meaning of life: Never knowing, but always wondering about it."

Robert Barone: So, Debra's parents are coming over?
Ray Barone: Yeah, they don't come around much anymore, so we want to spend as much time as possible with them.
(Robert stares at him, not buying it)
Ray Barone: I've been told that's how I feel.

Robert Barone: So, Debra's parents are coming over?
Ray Barone: Yeah, they don't come around much anymore, so we want to spend as much time as possible with them.
(Robert stares at him, not buying it)
Ray Barone: I've been told that's how I feel.
Yeah, Ray was funny the way he was saying it.
Like he was brain washed.

Robert, to Debra........
Socks and slippers, that very interesting.

Ray Barone: You can't create fate cause then its not fate, its voodoo.

Marie: "What is a DVD player? Is it for porn?"
Debra: (sarcastically)"Yes, Marie, I bought Ray a porn machine!"

Robert: "Are they really topless?"
Frank: (sarcastically)"No. They just pop them out to get into National Geographic."

Frank: "... I love old man jokes."
Marie: "I married one."

Amy: "What happened? I don't understand."
Debra: "Ohhh, honey. You married into the Manson family... Charles goes off sometimes."

[Ray has hurt his back and is in bed with Debra]

Ray Barone:
I guess I am going to be out of commission for a while.

Debra Barone:
I wouldn't worry - it's not like Van Gogh has lost his paint brush.

[Ray has hurt his back and is in bed with Debra]

Ray Barone:
I guess I am going to be out of commission for a while.

Debra Barone:
I wouldn't worry - it's not like Van Gogh has lost his paint brush.

It's Funny!
Yeah, I think that was a shot back at Ray, because I think he said that to Debra, about her cooking, If I remember right.
Haven't see ELR in a while, I don't have TV land any longer.
I'm pretty sure It's on Amazon prime, But I haven't bothered with it too much.
It was a good show though.
TV land ruined it a little bit for me, as I think They ran it for too long.
Is it still on TV land?

Okay, the meatballs are not exactly like my mother's, but I am saying to you: We have a house...we have a car...our student loans are paid off. You should be able to sleep!

— Ray Barone

It's Funny!
Yeah, I think that was a shot back at Ray, because I think he said that to Debra, about her cooking, If I remember right.
Haven't see ELR in a while, I don't have TV land any longer.
I'm pretty sure It's on Amazon prime, But I haven't bothered with it too much.
It was a good show though.
TV land ruined it a little bit for me, as I think They ran it for too long.
Is it still on TV land?

Yes.

Yes.

ok thanks

ok thanks

No problem

In the tofu turkey episode:

Ray: Why didn't you bring your dog, Robert?
Robert: I don't think Shamsky would eat this.
Ray: Yeah, but we could eat him.

Frank: You mean that even though you know that ball's a fake it still means something to you?
Ray: Yeah, yeah dad.
Frank: Then this Christmas you're gonna love the Rolex I got you.

Frank: You mean that even though you know that ball's a fake it still means something to you?
Ray: Yeah, yeah dad.
Frank: Then this Christmas you're gonna love the Rolex I got you.

In the tofu turkey episode:

Ray: Why didn't you bring your dog, Robert?
Robert: I don't think Shamsky would eat this.
Ray: Yeah, but we could eat him.
I love the look on Robert's face after Ray suggest that Shamsky be what they eat instead. :D :D :D

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Debra: How did he ever become a police sergeant?
Ray: Cause he's a good cop, and they didn't make him count. Or eat.

From Debra Makes Something Good, when Marie walks in on Frank eating Debra's braciole:

Frank: I thought you were taking a bath.
Marie: I was. I finished.
Frank: Oh. How was it?
Marie: It was fine. Thank you for making it for me. You haven't made a bath for me in 35 years.
Frank: Uh, you seemed to need it.

Ray Barone:
Shouldn't you be yelling at me, or something?

Debra Barone:
Ray, when you're on the Titanic you lower the lifeboats. You don't stop to yell at the iceberg.

From Debra Makes Something Good, when Marie walks in on Frank eating Debra's braciole:

Frank: I thought you were taking a bath.
Marie: I was. I finished.
Frank: Oh. How was it?
Marie: It was fine. Thank you for making it for me. You haven't made a bath for me in 35 years.
Frank: Uh, you seemed to need it.
This is one of my favorites between Marie and Frank. :D :D :D

God bless you always!!!

Holly

[Marie thinks Ray might have an affair]

Debra Barone:
Marie, I'm not worried. I trust Ray.

Marie Barone:
Oh, I'm not worried about Raymond either, dear. I'm worried about that pizza parlor putana!

I love the look on Robert's face after Ray suggest that Shamsky be what they eat instead. :D :D :D

God bless you always!!!

Holly
Thanks. It would've been even funnier if Robert had reconsidered after taking a bite of the meal. :lol:

Debra: Maybe I don't want to think that my husband, who I'm married to, would like to live with a monkey.
Ray: Well maybe I would.
Debra: Well maybe I do.

Ally Barone:
What's that?

Ray Barone:
Sweetie it's a doggie. Isn't he great?

Ally Barone:
He smells.

Ray Barone:
[to Debra] She says that about the twins and we keep them.

From Marie's Vision:

Marie: I've been told that I have a Botticelli face. And one does not put glasses on a Botticelli face.
Frank: I'd say you have more of a Mr. Potatohead face. And glasses come with the kit.

Frank Barone:
Let me tell you something: you want that hate. If your kids like you, you've failed as parents.

Robert Barone:
Allow me to congratulate you on your magnificent success.

From The Ride-Along:

Robert (to CB radio): We better drive by later. If it's open again, we'll call in a canine car, and send in the bow-wow.
Robert (to Ray): That's a police dog.
Ray: Oh, bow-wow's a police dog. How do you crack that code?
...
Ray: Maybe later we could climb a tree and save a meow-meow.

Marie Barone:
[the front door swings open showing Robert with a look of crazed fury on his face, startling everyone] How did your interview go?

Robert Barone:
Come here. Let me tell you about it.

Marie Barone:
Didn't it go well?

Robert Barone:
Oh, it was going okay, and then Agent Garfield read me a letter about crazy Robert in his lucky suit.

Debra Barone:
What?

Marie Barone:
I never said crazy.

Raymond "Ray" Barone:
Ma, what did you do?

Robert Barone:
She faxed the FBI a letter about how she ruined my lucky suit.

Marie Barone:
I wasn't sure it went through; it's the first time I ever used a fax machine.

^^^ I love when Robert is like, "Its the FBI. I was not applying for a job at The Gap!!!" :D :D :D

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. That whole scene is great, especially when Frank comes in. :D :D :D

Peter MacDougall:
I thought you were my friend.

Ray Barone:
Friends can disagree.

Peter MacDougall:
No they can't!

From Ping Pong:

Ray: If you let me win back then, you should have no problem beating me now, right? Unless...
Frank: What are you saying?
Ray: What I'm not saying...
Frank: OK, tough guy, you're on.
Ray: Good.
Frank: You got the balls?
Ray: Yeah, don't worry about me pal, okay? Oh yeah, we gotta buy some balls.

During the match:

Marie: No no no, fight back! Talk dirty to your father! (Leans in) Say ass!

Here are a few where Marie roasts Debra's food.

From Someone's Cranky:

Marie: Oh, is that the cake you made?
Debra: You know, you could've made one, Marie.
Marie: The way Robert's behaving, no. He doesn't deserve one of my cakes. This is perfect.

From Robert Needs Money:

Debra: Wait a minute. Robert, are you sure you can afford to go to Las Vegas?
Robert: Well I can now, thanks to you!
Debra: But you were eating bologna pie!!
Marie: (gasps) Debra, why would you make that for him?

From She's the One:

Ray (to Debra): Oh, what is it about you that you don't believe me when I tell you? She sat right there, at your dinner table, and ate a fly!
Marie: I can believe that.
Ray: No, mom, it wasn't in the food.
Marie: Oh. I don't believe that.

From Baggage:

Marie: I was just on my way to the market, and I was ... (sniffs house) Debra, are you cooking something?
Debra: No?
Marie: Oh, because ... there's an aroma.
Debra: You know what, I smelled it too. Yeah, it's getting worse.
Marie: Where's it coming from?
Debra: I don't know. Ugh.
(searches house)
Marie: It's getting close.
(Debra pulls the Roquefort cheese out of the bag)
Debra and Marie: Ooohhh!
Marie: Debra, you can't keep cheese in a suitcase!

Marie: Oh, is that the cake you made?
Debra: You know, you could've made one, Marie.
Marie: The way Robert's behaving, no. He doesn't deserve one of my cakes. This is perfect.
To me, this may be the worst thing that Marie has ever said about Debra's kitchen ability.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

To me, this may be the worst thing that Marie has ever said about Debra's kitchen ability.
I think Marie made an even more brutal remark as they left Robert's place. She suggested leaving Debra's cake there, since it "goes so well with the apartment," which had an opened carton of milk left out for 12 weeks. :eek3:

[Ray has hurt his back and is in bed with Debra]

Ray Barone:
I guess I am going to be out of commission for a while.

Debra Barone:
I wouldn't worry - it's not like Van Gogh has lost his paint brush.

^^^ To me, that may be Debra's best line. :D :D :D

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Ray Barone:
You can't create fate cause then its not fate, its voodoo.

Frank: "Well, what's the party for? The Dummy Lama over here?"

Robert: "This is a negative place, and it's just not him,..."

Frank: "And the Oscar goes to..."

Frank: "Robert, this cult. How many wives can you have?"

Frank: "...free will. Doin' what you want, when you want it. You don't get that in any stinkin' cult."

Marie: I've got baking soda! I smelled something questionable in the fridge.
Ray: From across the street?
Marie: No, when I was here yesterday. Oh, It's worse!

From Good Girls:

Debra: What is this, some kind of competition between you two?
Ray: No!
Debra: Oh my god, it is! Oh, you can't stand it that your mommy likes Robby's girl better than your girl!
Ray: I'm a little insulted by that.
Debra: You're insulted? I'm just this thing in your stupid sibling rivalry!
Ray: There's no rivalry.
Debra: Oh no, he's got the better girl, Ray! We're behind, what are we going to do?
Ray: Where are you going?
Debra: Well, I've got a lot of work to do. There's the evening gown competition, there's the swimsuit competition. Oh my god, talent competition - what should I do, twirl or sing? I know, I'll do both.
(sings)
One singular sensation, every little step she takes!
One thrilling combination, every move that she makes!
(stops singing)
Idiot!
Ray: Nice. Nice attitude. Forget about Miss Congeniality, that's for sure.

Frank: You mean that even though you know that ball's a fake it still means something to you?
Ray: Yeah, yeah dad.
Frank: Then this Christmas you're gonna love the Rolex I got you.

From Robert's Date:

Robert: Hey, hey - have you seen her? She's all, sparkly!
Ray: Yeah, so?
Robert: So I don't look right!
Ray: I'm afraid that's the hand you've been dealt.

Ray: You want me to convince my parents to come here, and my sales pitch is, "mmm, mmm, fish!"

Another one from Robert's Date:

Robert: That is so wack!
Ray: What?
Robert: Well tonight, Judy and I were gonna, you know, go to this club to hang out with our peeps. And now she tells me that she wants to go out for dinner, just the two of us.
Ray: So?
Robert: Well, she said she wants it to be just us, so we can talk. What does that sound like?
Ray: Well, I don't know what it's called in your new world, but we call that a date here in HonkyLand.

A quote from Frank Barone:

https://cdn.quotesgram.com/img/15/58/2032842100-tumblr_ma53s7N5Ng1qhwfbuo1_500.gif

From Who Am I?, talking about Ray's time with Frank at the lodge:

Ray: I mean, I was comfortable, you know, I was relaxed. I was happy.
Frank: Plus, I gotta say, everyone told me you were like the best looking guy in there.
Robert: Of course he was. He's the before in a room full of afters!

Robert: "That is so whack!"
Ray: "We're Italian, Robert. 'Whack' means something else to us."

From Who's Next:

Marie: Years ago, I decided to pick someone to replace me if I died before you.
Frank: What do you mean, to marry me?
Marie: Yes! Someone to make you happy after I was gone.
Frank: Oh, that's nice, Marie, but I think I'd be happy enough.

Frank Barone:
Hey Ray did you know that Mark Twain had a son who was a writer? His name was Choo-choo. Choo-choo Twain

From Odd Man Out, when Frank and Marie are fighting over Marco's friendship:

Ray: You're really with my mother on this, huh? That's the horse you're backing?
Debra: Better my horse than your jackass.

Ray Barone: Well, usually guys his age go for younger women. Instead of going for somebody younger he went for somebody different.
Debra Barone: Ray!
Ray Barone: I meant... No! I mean, I always say the opposite phrases of what I say. ...
Ray Barone: Oh, man...
Frank Barone: Kill is going to Debra you.

Frank: I USED TO BE A GENTLEMAN!

Raymond: Did I say cinamum on the show?
Debra: No, that's only to remember for when we go to iHop.

From The Ingrate:

Ray to Marie: Sweet mama, without your pushing, I would still be in your womb.

Ally Barone:
Daddy, what's an appointment?

Raymond "Ray" Barone:
Well honey, an appointment is when two people decide to meet.

Debra Barone:
Like going to the dentist.

Ally Barone:
Oh.

Raymond "Ray" Barone:
So, sleeping with me is like going to the dentist?

Debra Barone:
Well, we both say the same things. "Sit back, relax, you won't feel a thing".

From The Power of No:

Ray: Debra can't keep her hands off me. It's like with the power of no, comes the power of yes! For the first time in my marriage, I finally know what it's like to be the one wearing the panties!

Robert: So everybody has to do what Raymond wants, right? New sheets for Raymond! Brownies for Raymond! Can't sleep naked around Raymond!

From Bully on the Bus:

Marie: What's wrong?
Debra: Nothing. What do you mean?
Marie: I sense tension and anger.
Frank: Maybe you're picking up your own scent.

Debra Barone: Honey, show daddy what you drew.
Ray Barone: That's okay, I can figure it out. [Ally hands Ray a drawing] Um, lets see. A big wall of red?
Ally Barone: No.
Debra Barone: Ally told me that was a picture of you in hell.

Ray: (to Robert)"Your wife is so queer."

“Ray: You know I read somewhere where the happiest marriages are the ones where the man is smarter.

Debra: Oh, guess who wrote that...”

Debra (to Peggy): Nobody beats up my husband!

Frank: "What about the husband? He's the weird one."

Lois: "It's like getting shot and then hung!"
Warren: "Hanged."

“Oh, where are you throwing that ball?! Come on! Have an idea out there!”
— Frank Barone

Frank: "Just point us to the room with the TV."

“Marie: Oooh, all of a sudden you have scruples.

Frank: I have scruples Marie. I've got scruples the size of basketballs.”

Frank: "Then why date her?"

Frank: "Happy New Year!"

Robert: "It's like watching a car accident."

Frank: (to Ray)"Kill is going to Debra you."

Ray: "Yeah, Emma seems nice."
Robert: "A fine woman. Genteel."

Warren: "...it's not all about looks and sex for me."

Frank: "The sins of the son shall not bother the father."

Marie: "That whore."

“Debra, calm down. You're reacting to missing squash like the time we left Ally at the mall!”
— Ray Barone

Ray: (to Robert)"Yeah, well, they're not done yet; they still gotta draw the bolts in your neck."

Frank: "I don't share anything with liars."

Debra: "Here you go, Marie, a load of trouble for the night."

Garvin: "Ohh, yeah, you're the toughest, Frank."
Frank: "Damn straight."

Marie: "I'm still waiting for my eulogy, Raymond."

FRank: "Listen to me. I'm the tough one. That's how the community sees me."

(First line of the series.)
Debra: (on phone)"Yeah, Ray's still out of town covering the Yankees."

(Last line of the series.)
Robert: "Dad. Hit me with the hammer."

“Marie: Don't move! I'm coming right down!

Frank: I'm in enough pain!”

Frank: "An excellent meal. I give it two buttons and a zip."

Raymond "Ray" Barone:
[enters] Hey Robert, you left your coat at my place.

Marie Barone:
I'll take it. [takes the coat and sniffs it]

Robert Barone:
I told you Ma, I don't smoke!

Marie Barone:
A good mother checks.

Frank: "I like pie."

Robert: "That's exactly how the Mafia works."

“Oh, where are you throwing that ball?! Come on! Have an idea out there!”
— Frank Barone

Ray: (to Peggy)"I think you know where my parents live."

Debra: "Nobody beats up my husband..."

Debra: "You know what I think, Peggy? You are a bully. I don't like bullies. You come near my husband again, you're gonna have a real problem."

“It's the celery that makes 'tuna salad' tuna salad. What you gave me was tuna slop!”
— Frank Barone

Debra; "Amy, welcome to the family. Lots of luck."

“I can't talk, there's too much fruit in the house.”
— Marie Barone

Frank: "I'll lose my antlers!"

Max: "I just wanted to learn the computer."

Frank: "This isn't just some loose broad!"

Max: "She does look very nice leaving."

“Ray: You know I read somewhere where the happiest marriages are the ones where the man is smarter.

Debra: Oh, guess who wrote that...”

Frank: "I hate all these damn fire hydrants. I'm glad dogs pee on 'em."

Ray: "...she's an old lady. What else does she have?"

Debra: "Marie is going down."

Frank: "Those stupid broads... You can't overthrow Marie."

Debra: (to Ray)"I have never been more attracted to you in my entire life."

Frank: "That's nuts."
Ray: "That's Peggy."
Frank: "Peggy? Hey, Ray, isn't she the cookie lady that beat you up?"
Robert: "Hey, yeah. The cookie lady. She beat the chips out of you."
Ray: "I can't wait 'til one one of you needs a kidney."

Marie: "Some women are so pushy."

Frank: "There's cake in the back yard?"

Marie: "When I was a child..."
Frank: "You sat around the fire and wondered how it got there."

Frank: "I don't need an alarm to scare away crooks from my home. I keep an old bat for that."

Frank: "I'll fight any one of you now."

Marie: "Since when is it a law against me expressing my feelings?"
Frank: "I've been trying to pass that legislation for years."

Amy: (to Debra)"Where do you keep your after-Marie liquor?"
Ray: "We don't have any liquor."
Debra: "Top cabinet, behind the ___________."

Oh, where are you throwing that ball?! Come on! Have an idea out there!”
— Frank Barone

Debra: "Ally, honey, if it wasn't for you-- "
Marie: "Your mother could be facing criminal charges."

Debra: (to Ray)"Are we terrible parents?"
Ray: "Probably."

Robert: "Dad, be a person."

Marie: "I brought pies for after... I made two in case people don't fill up on dinner."

Frank: "Is it spiked?"

Robert: "This is great. Dinner and a show."

Frank: "I bet the chickens slept with one eye open."

Ray: "Ohhkay. Now it's a holiday."

Ray: "This doesn't happen if you have TV."

Debra Barone:
Now listen. What happened in there, Nobody... tells... Ray

Frank Barone:
Or his mother

Debra Barone, Robert Barone, Amy MacDougall:
[Nods in agreement]

Ray: (to Robert)"It's like your mouth is falling down the stairs."

Marie: “The movies? Some people get to live it up.”

(Ray and Debra stop by the retirement community [where Frank and Marie recently just moved in] office)

Retirement comm. manager: Thank you for stopping by, Mr. Barone. We need your parents to move out.

Ray: I was wondering-- are we still fighting?
Debra: What? Oh, no, no.
Ray: Okay, good. I almost bought flowers.

Retirement village mgr.: Yes, Mr. Barone, I'm glad you stopped by. We need your parents to move out.

“Okay, the meatballs are not exactly like my mother's, but I am saying to you: We have a house...we have a car...our student loans are paid off. You should be able to sleep!”
— Ray Barone

Frank: (to Robert) "You, my boy, are a girl."

Ray: (to Robert) "You know the little part in your brain that doesn't think things all the way through?"
Robert: "That's not the little part of your brain."

“I can't talk, there's too much fruit in the house.”
— Marie Barone

Robert: (to Debra)"You have a great body and you're not afraid to show it."

Robert: (to Ray)"Kind of bad? You should be in jail."

Frank: "It's okay; I like this show."

Ray: Time to leave, Dad. Buckle up... What're you doing?
Frank: [sniffing the twins' heads] I'm sucking the youth!
[Later]
Debra: The twins' heads smell like Old Spice. Your dad was here. Sucking the youth.

Ray: (to Debra)"What kind of pervert are you?"

Ray: "I don't wanna work at the mall."

Ray: "See? Every time you buy the things, an angel gets her wings."

Frank; "Sorry; Frankenstein's house of tooth decay is closed."

Peggy: (to Ray)"You should have seen the looks on their faces, especially the giant and the bald one."

Debra: (to Peggy)"You got a problem, you take it up with me."

Frank Barone:
You want to know the meaning of life? You're born, you go to school, you go to work, you die. Canole... Marie

(After beating Ray at arm wrestling.)
Frank: "What did you expect, kid? It's my TV arm!"

(Holding a TV remote)
Frank: "I got all the friends I need, right here."

Debra: "Ray, what is wrong with you?"
Robert: (raises right hand)"Oh, I know this. I know this one."

Forgive me if this one has been mentioned already, but this is one of my most favorite exchanges.

Marie-Frank, you haven't made a bath for me in 35 years.

Frank-You seem to need it. :D :D :D

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Ray: (to Debra)"We raised a kid who's raising the rest of the kids."

Ally: "Boys, Mom and Dad say I'm in charge of you!"

Marie: This is wisdom...

Frank: This is juicy!

^^^ I love what Frank said when Marie shared, "We've seen the highs and the lows." Frank was like, "What day was the high?" :D :D :D

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Debra Barone: Ok, you know what? I'm tired of this. I'd rather be normal than this.
[imitates Marie]
Debra Barone: Ooh, dear how are you. Frosting in a can, so much easier than homemade. Look in that refrigerator. Whoa, smells like there wasn't anything good in here for a while.
[imitates Frank]
Debra Barone: Time for desert. Holy crap. I'm not listening anymore, doo dah, doo dah...
[imitates Robert]
Debra Barone: Oh, everything's turning out perfect for Raymond.
[increasingly frustrated]
Debra Barone: Oh, lucky Raymond. Everybody loves Raymond. EVERYBODY loves Raymond. EVERYBODY LOVES Raymond. EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND!
[everybody laughs]
Robert Barone: Do me, now.

Marie: (to Ray)"One of these days you'll turn around and I won't be here."
(Ray spins around completely.)
Ray: "Not today."
(Robert laughs.)

Ray Barone: Nothing is ever good enough, and it's always our fault!
Frank Barone: Hey, you can't speak to your mother like that!
Ray Barone: You do!
Frank Barone: She's not my mother!

(The doorbell rings.)
Frank: "I'll get it."
Marie: "Who could that be?'
Frank: "Hopefully, the angel of death."

Robert: "The only reason I'm here is because Ma knows I'm the same blood type as him."

Maria: "This is what a family does. We stick together, we support each other."

Doctor: "It's a form of hypertension, but he's perfectly alright."

Marie: "Frank, not now. It's late and I'm not in the mood."

Debra: "I knew one day this would happen."

Marie: "Next time this happens, I get to be there."

Agent Garfield: Mrs. Barone, you seem like an intelligent woman.
Marie: Thank you. Have a cookie.
Agent Garfield: Do you really think that a mother interfering to the extent that you have could possibly help a man get a job with the FBI? There's something else going on.
Marie: He was supposed to retire! He's a year away from not being a police officer. Which means I could stop worrying about him every second of the day. I want him to be safe. Now he wants to go from one dangerous job to another? How long do I have to walk around with a knot in my stomach? Forever? I can't do it anymore. It's too much! ... But he wants this job. It'll make him happy. And he should be happy. So, yes, he should have this job. Please, give him this job.
Agent Garfield: I can't do that.
Marie: No. No, don't blame him, you can punish me! Put one of those tracking things on my legs so I can't get out of the house. And if you met my husband, you'd know that's punishment enough.

^^^ That was one of Marie's few good moments. When she said, "But he wants this job." that was her putting Robert's feelings before her own which almost never happened when it was considered how out of her way she always went for Ray.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Ray Barone: Nothing is ever good enough, and it's always our fault!
Frank Barone: Hey, you can't speak to your mother like that!
Ray Barone: You do!
Frank Barone: She's not my mother!

Ray: "My first sex injury."

"You want some real marriage advice? There's gonna be yelling! There's gonna be anger! Don't fight it, accept it! You keep your head down, and you plow through!" – Marie Barone

^^^ Marie-"This is experience. This is wisdom!" Frank-"This is juicy!" :D :D :D

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Robert: "I'm a conned cop!"

Debra: "You know what Ray, you can be there and I'll explain it to the both of you."