I've talked about him in a couple threads but I never made one.

Up until last week I worked with this guy and within the last 3 months I've developed some major feelings for him and we've become friends. Here's where it gets complicated:

He USED to be engaged to be married but she ditched him about 2 months ago and moved to New Mexico with her sister and never really ended things with him first but she has made no contact with him at all since she left so obviously it is over. She's a damn fool because he's the sweetest guy you could ever meet. He's a damn catch and she'll never find anyone better. I tell him this all the time and when he left I got everyone at work to sign his card and I wrote that and told him how sad it makes me that he doesn't realize how special he is. He thanked me and gave me a big and kinda lingering hug.

Now I've noticed him giving me the eyes before so it's a mutual attraction. I was even told the other day by another co worker that he said "I'd totally date her but it's weird because I was engaged" this was brought on because a couple of other coworkers started teasing him about "Darryl & Mandie" because I bought him a present which was no big deal it was something that we sold in the store and he said he had wanted it but didn't want to spend money on.

So my ? is how do I help him move on? I don't want to wait forever for him to realize that it's over between them.

We started talking to each other online and one day last week I spent the day at his house watching one of the Star Wars movies I was excited to be going over there because I thought maybe something could happen but it turns out he had invited his best friend to join us. My mom thinks that maybe he invited him because he was nervous about being alone with me.

Well, that is complicated. lol. From my own personal experience, it's much harder to move on if someone keeps pushing it, you know? I mean, not everyone is like that and he might be open to having you help him get on with his life. But honestly, I'm not really sure exactly how you can help him.

I'm not sure if you can help him, he may have to mvoe on in his own time. I do think your mom is right though, that he was nervous about being there alone with you.

Well, that is complicated. lol. From my own personal experience, it's much harder to move on if someone keeps pushing it, you know? I mean, not everyone is like that and he might be open to having you help him get on with his life. But honestly, I'm not really sure exactly how you can help him.


I haven't pushed him at all though I only said to him one day that "it's her loss and you're a great guy you deserve so much better than that" I never actually told him that she couldn't find better but it is the truth and someday she'll realize that. We don't really talk about her at all but if he's interested in me as he says he is than why doesn't he just ask me out? UGH it's so annoying LOL

Well you have to be patient with him. It's going to take him a while to get over the other girl and I don't think it would be good for either of you to become romantically involved at this time. He is on the rebound right now and it would most likely result in you being hurt if you guys jumped into things too quickly. For now just be his friend, talk, hang out and I'm sure if it is meant to be your relationship will grow closer as time goes on.

OyVay! Target words. Star Wars. Definition: PUTZ. Say Good Bye.....And Run!

OyVay! Target words. Star Wars. Definition: PUTZ. Say Good Bye.....And Run!

please don't waste my time with this crap, this is a serious post

Once again I say...OyVay. Any Star Wars involved equals.......LOSER. Start looking for another man.

Smack him into realizing this girl is a loser?? No, I don't know. I guess just keep doing what you're doing, and then maybe he'll realize you're better than she was and dump her on his own. One can only hope the man realizes this soon.

Well, the most important thing would be to stand by him. It may take a while for him to move on. Some part of him probably knows it's over. He's likely hoping against hope. He'll come around. Just don't pressure him. He may become defensive.

Once again I say...OyVay. Any Star Wars involved equals.......LOSER. Start looking for another man.

I resent that! Some of the most interesting people in this world are sci-fi fans! She would be lucky to get involved in a man like that.

would it really be that hard to just be direct and ask him if he's ready to put the bimbo out of his mind long enough to take you out?

This guy is trying to get over someone he loved dumping him for whatever reason and he is confused and hurt. Be there for him as a friend and let him take time to get over his mixed feelings about this other woman. It may happen that you two get together eventually, but not now. It is too soon. If it is meant to be it will be. Take care and keep us posted. :)

would it really be that hard to just be direct and ask him if he's ready to put the bimbo out of his mind long enough to take you out?

She could do that, if it's done in a delicate manner. I know that, if it were me, I would resent forceful words and especially nagging, or anything that would make me feel guilty for wanting her to come back.

Like I said, on some level, he probably knows she's not coming back. He can only take so much reminders before he'll become defensive. He'll have to accept it in his own time.

Sure, you can tell him what he can expect from her, and what he can expect from you. And certainly you should tell him he deserves better. Everybody likes to hear that!

Just don't push him.

Once again I say...OyVay. Any Star Wars involved equals.......LOSER. Start looking for another man.

that's the dumbest thing I have ever heard, he likes Star Wars he's not consumed by it :rolleyes:

Now I've noticed him giving me the eyes before so it's a mutual attraction.

So we have a situation where neither person will verbalize their feelings directly.

That's a problem because words are mankinds chief tools of communication.

How long do you intend to play charades with this guy? :D

I've talked about him in a couple threads but I never made one.

Up until last week I worked with this guy and within the last 3 months I've developed some major feelings for him and we've become friends. Here's where it gets complicated:

He USED to be engaged to be married but she ditched him about 2 months ago and moved to New Mexico with her sister and never really ended things with him first but she has made no contact with him at all since she left so obviously it is over. She's a damn fool because he's the sweetest guy you could ever meet. He's a damn catch and she'll never find anyone better. I tell him this all the time and when he left I got everyone at work to sign his card and I wrote that and told him how sad it makes me that he doesn't realize how special he is. He thanked me and gave me a big and kinda lingering hug.

Now I've noticed him giving me the eyes before so it's a mutual attraction. I was even told the other day by another co worker that he said "I'd totally date her but it's weird because I was engaged" this was brought on because a couple of other coworkers started teasing him about "Darryl & Mandie" because I bought him a present which was no big deal it was something that we sold in the store and he said he had wanted it but didn't want to spend money on.

So my ? is how do I help him move on? I don't want to wait forever for him to realize that it's over between them.

We started talking to each other online and one day last week I spent the day at his house watching one of the Star Wars movies I was excited to be going over there because I thought maybe something could happen but it turns out he had invited his best friend to join us. My mom thinks that maybe he invited him because he was nervous about being alone with me.


Yes, he might have been nervous, but also may have wanted his best friend to meet you to get another opinion.
I'd say its moving along well and at a good pace. You don't need to push anything - I'd say just you being around for him is enough to help him move on. He now knows someone else is definitely interested and he hasn't heard from the ex-fiance since she left. She'll be out of his thoughts more and more and hanging out with you I think things will naturally develop. Remember, if it moves too fast, you'll just be his rebound relationship and you want it more permanent than that.

I'm sure the next time you get together it'll just be the two of you! Good stuff - glad to hear it seems to be coming together! :)

Once again I say...OyVay. Any Star Wars involved equals.......LOSER. Start looking for another man.
well for one , you ignore stupid comments by Mr. Popular here

and two, i say give it time, and after a while just do like Roby said and be direct

I'm going to his house again today and I'm not working so I'm all his ;) his friend is probably gonna be with us again since more Star Wars is involved his friend is nice but I want some alone time with him damnit

I'm going to his house again today and I'm not working so I'm all his ;) his friend is probably gonna be with us again since more Star Wars is involved his friend is nice but I want some alone time with him damnit


Yeah, if that happens too often its not great! Maybe suggest something you guys can do where its just the two of you. Sounds like you might have to suffer through this last "Star Wars Wave" tho!! ;) :rolleyes:

Update:

Last Wednesday was the last time I saw him, I suggested we go to the mall so I could help him spend his GC that he got from everyone at work when he left. He showed up with his brother which disappointed me but I wasn't all that surprised. We ended up watching 2 more Star Wars movies and he drove me home.

It was about 11 pm when we got to my house, he saw my dog in the window and said he's cute and I invited him in to meet him. So he did and when it was time for him to leave he put his arms out for me to hug him (usually I'm the one who starts it) and the hug lasted longer than usual but it didn't turn into anything. There was no friendship "pat on the back" with this hug either which tells me he's gotta be interested, it wasn't a 2 minute long hug but it was quite long and he didn't pull away quickly we kinda let go together. He's gotta be interested right?

So today I called him, we usually just talk online but he's been insanely busy at his new job so he hasn't been online at all all week so I decided to call him and I asked him if he was busy tomorrow he said no so I said "I was kinda hoping we could hang out just the two of us tomorrow so we can talk" he said "about what?" and I said "I dunno, anything, we really haven't had the chance to get to know each other since you usually have your brother or your friend with us" he said "I suppose" and then he said he was gonna go online so we could talk since he knows we both hate talking on the phone there's always that weird silence when talking on the phone not just with him either I just don't like it. I'm much better at talking one on one. So I said "would you like to come over tomorrow, I think Bijoue misses you" (I said that because he was scared to death of Darryl that day he came in LOL) he laughed and said "well I think Richie (his friend) wanted to watch the last movie too" I said "well you know that movie isn't going anywhere" which is true because it's my brother's DVD we can watch it anytime. He gave me a smilie face and said "true"

See he's using his friend as a shield because he's nervous to be alone with me I believe and I am hoping to talk to him about that tomorrow. I'm so friggin scared. Please pray for me that he'll tell me the truth and we'll get a relationship started. I can't go on pretending anymore and I don't wanna be a tagalong with his brother and friend anymore. I'm so nervous about how to approach the subject with him without scaring him off.

Update:

Last Wednesday was the last time I saw him, I suggested we go to the mall so I could help him spend his GC that he got from everyone at work when he left. He showed up with his brother which disappointed me but I wasn't all that surprised. We ended up watching 2 more Star Wars movies and he drove me home.

It was about 11 pm when we got to my house, he saw my dog in the window and said he's cute and I invited him in to meet him. So he did and when it was time for him to leave he put his arms out for me to hug him (usually I'm the one who starts it) and the hug lasted longer than usual but it didn't turn into anything. There was no friendship "pat on the back" with this hug either which tells me he's gotta be interested, it wasn't a 2 minute long hug but it was quite long and he didn't pull away quickly we kinda let go together. He's gotta be interested right?

So today I called him, we usually just talk online but he's been insanely busy at his new job so he hasn't been online at all all week so I decided to call him and I asked him if he was busy tomorrow he said no so I said "I was kinda hoping we could hang out just the two of us tomorrow so we can talk" he said "about what?" and I said "I dunno, anything, we really haven't had the chance to get to know each other since you usually have your brother or your friend with us" he said "I suppose" and then he said he was gonna go online so we could talk since he knows we both hate talking on the phone there's always that weird silence when talking on the phone not just with him either I just don't like it. I'm much better at talking one on one. So I said "would you like to come over tomorrow, I think Bijoue misses you" (I said that because he was scared to death of Darryl that day he came in LOL) he laughed and said "well I think Richie (his friend) wanted to watch the last movie too" I said "well you know that movie isn't going anywhere" which is true because it's my brother's DVD we can watch it anytime. He gave me a smilie face and said "true"

See he's using his friend as a shield because he's nervous to be alone with me I believe and I am hoping to talk to him about that tomorrow. I'm so friggin scared. Please pray for me that he'll tell me the truth and we'll get a relationship started. I can't go on pretending anymore and I don't wanna be a tagalong with his brother and friend anymore. I'm so nervous about how to approach the subject with him without scaring him off.

It sounds like it's progressing. I'm not sure you should accuse him of hiding behind his friend. That might not go over well, especially if it's true. Just tell him how you feel, that you want a deeper relationship. If you feel you need more now, it's high time you start something! Good luck! I wish you both all the love in the world!

See he's using his friend as a shield because he's nervous to be alone with me I believe and I am hoping to talk to him about that tomorrow. I'm so friggin scared. Please pray for me that he'll tell me the truth and we'll get a relationship started. I can't go on pretending anymore and I don't wanna be a tagalong with his brother and friend anymore. I'm so nervous about how to approach the subject with him without scaring him off.

Oh good...guys do it too.

And re: awkward silence on the phone...I hate that too.

Oh good...guys do it too.

And re: awkward silence on the phone...I hate that too.

I hate the phone. period.

I might be in the minority, but if he really liked you like that, he would be more willing for alone time. I really think he's confused right now because he still has lingering feelings for his ex. They were engaged so it must've been serious for awhile. I was engage to another woman before getting married to my wife. I broke up with her and yet, still had feelings for her after the break up. So I'm pretty sure he's still got some feelings for her. It sounds like you are pushing the envelope a little. You should let this guy move at his own pace. I'm sure by now he knows you have an interest in him. You should let him figure out what he wants.

he just wants to be friends He was a complete sweetheart about it.

this is just a summary of what was said I can't remember word for word LOL

He got here a little after 4 and I sat him down and I worked up the nerve. I said "you know you can talk to me about anything right?" he said "yeah I guess" I said "well I can tell you were very hesitant about coming over here today" he said "well not really I just had to work" and I said "well I can tell you are very nervous, do you wanna talk about it? you can tell me anything" he said "ok I just need to think about how to say it" so a moment goes by he takes a sip of the drink I gave him and he said "well I can tell you want to be more than friends" and I said "yeah" and he said "well I just want to be friends with you, I mean I like you but I'm just not ready to be in a relationship right now I need to be alone for a while" I told "I understand that's why I wasn't pushing it, I know you couldn't just flip a light switch and go from her to me like that" I said "I just hope we can still hang out and be friends" and he said "yes of course" and we talked about other things and time flew by and he drove me to work and before we walked in I said to him "so we are ok right" and he said "of course" and I said "I just don't want you to avoid me" and he said "I wouldn't do that" I didn't get a hug but that was ok I just hope he keeps his word about staying friends. I even told him that I would rather be his friend than nothing at all and he smiled. He also told me that his family holds alot of cookouts and that he wants me to come to them so it does sound like he will keep his word. He even told me he'd try to give me notice of when one was coming up so I could get the day off.

Now you can see why I fell for him he's such a sweetheart most guys wouldn't have cared how I felt and would stay away from me.

It does hurt alot but what can I do? It was just very hard working tonight. I just feel like a complete fool for thinking something would actually happen.

It sounds like it went well(could have gone worse, anyway). Indeed, he does seem nice.

My opinon: The door isn't shut forever. It sounds to me like something more is possible- just not now. Just be satisfied that you are friends for now, and see what happens. As he gets to know you as a friend, he may be more inclined to move on into something more.

My phylosophy has always been to only date someone you've known as a friend. That way, the two would be more likely to respect one another. You're on the right track. Maybe it won't bloom into romance. But I think theres still a chance, in time.

Here's an update sorta:

I hung out with Darryl 2 days in a row almost 2 weeks ago but I haven't seen him since. I decided to stop suggesting things for us to do together and see how long it will take for him to do it. I also decided to give him some space. I still talk to him when he comes online but he rare does anymore last time I talked to him was Thursday night. I miss him alot it's weird going from seeing him 3 times a week at work and then barely seeing him at all.

It really bothers me that he doesn't take any effort to contact me but I've been told that this is just how guys are, they don't get it until someone gives them a good smack into reality.

A little over a week ago I consulted a psychic and she did a tarot reading. She told me someone new would be in my life that had a strong R presence in his name and was born in the month of May, which shocked me because DaRRyl has two Rs in his name and was born on May 4th or 5th I forget which one and then she said "does he have an interest in technology?" and I said "yes he's a computer science major" how scary is that? Though I don't get how that would be someone new but who knows. She said right now it's just bad timing because he's overcoming an obsticle (which would be his ex) but things could change by the end of the summer. She also said I had a blockage like I had up a wall between me and other people which is true but it's mainly my self esteem issues and she said I had gone through a big change in the past 2 years which also freaked me out because it's been almost 2 years since my weight loss surgery.

The women did give me some hope but it's still driving me crazy.

Give yourself time, Mandie. I know it's hard to move on and trying to get him to talk to you when he doesn't want to makes it even worse. If he's a keeper he'll come back to you, if he's not; oh well!

Here's an update sorta:

I hung out with Darryl 2 days in a row almost 2 weeks ago but I haven't seen him since. I decided to stop suggesting things for us to do together and see how long it will take for him to do it. I also decided to give him some space. I still talk to him when he comes online but he rare does anymore last time I talked to him was Thursday night. I miss him alot it's weird going from seeing him 3 times a week at work and then barely seeing him at all.

It really bothers me that he doesn't take any effort to contact me but I've been told that this is just how guys are, they don't get it until someone gives them a good smack into reality.

That kind of sounds like my ex-crush/friend. Except his obsticle is that he's an *******, which he'll never get over.