Self-esteem. For some reason, there doesn't seem to be a nice happy medium. If you feel like sharing, tell about yours. Do you have little to none and hate yourself? Or do you have a lot? What in your life makes you have it, not have it, lose it, gain it?

I'll post mine, but I wanted a starter post in case you don't wanna read it or it's too long or whatever.

i hate myself because i am a stupid bitch who can't do anything correctly :)

For the longest time I suffered from extremely low self-esteem.I was crying all the time,and I felt so bad about myself.I felt like I was the ugliest person alive,and I felt unwanted and undesirable.It was a very difficult time,and alone,I overcame my low self-esteem.
When I was suffering from lack of self-esteem,I became an angry and bitter person.I wasn’t friendly to people anymore,and had no tolerance or patience for anybody,and I made my family suffer because of how I was feeling.
Not a day went by when I didn’t cry,and I got so depressed,I felt like killing myself,because I was too ashamed to tell anyone what was going on in my head,and I didn’t want to talk to counselors,although they would’ve been helpful.
I felt like the whole world was against me,and everyone was talking about me,and I was alone in the world.I didn’t even want to see my family anymore.I felt unappreciated,unloved and ugly.
If someone said one little comment about me,I let it really upset me,which made me more depressed,and more worthless.I wanted everyone to love me,and to like me,but that’s impossible because there’s always going to be somebody who doesn’t like you.
I let insignificant people destroy me emotionally,and I let them win.
I was angry at everyone,and I became a terror to be around.I was aggressive,abusive and was constantly swearing,my family did not know what had gotten into me.
I spent many hours locked in my bedroom crying,and wanting God to take me.I had had enough of life,and felt things were only getting worse,and not better.
I was under the impression that if someone hated me,it was because something was wrong with me,and I felt like I didn’t belong in the world.
It was a terrible time,and those who have experienced depression,would know.
What made me overcome it,was realizing that I was worthy and loved.My family love me and my friends love me,and **** everyone else.I told myself I was a great person,and I instantly changed my attitude.
Today,I am feeling a lot better about myself,and I am positive.You have to be,if you want to survive in this world.
If anything,I want to thank those who made me feel bad about myself because now I am stronger,I am a fighter,I am a survivor,and I am not ashamed of what I felt in the past.I was never again going to let anyone succeed in making me feel anything but good.
This Is Me.Love me or loathe me,I’m here to stay.

I have learned a lot through my experiences,and I have grown stronger.I don’t regret anything I’ve been through,it has just made me stronger,and more capable of getting through ANYTHING.
Remember that you give people the power to upset you.No one can make feel anything,without your consent.

I have always been a cocky bitch...but this attitude has always saved my ass when life was kicking me in the behind; I never put up with anybody's crap nor have I ever put up with anyone ever treated me unfairly. I always had pride!

I got this thread idea when Michael told me I was too hard on myself. It's true; I am. It's funny. I used to have a lot of self-esteem. When I was in JH, HS, I was fine. Occasionally I'd get a little egotistical to myself, but I didn't flaunt it because I hate egotists. Besides, at my suburban ****hole of a school, there were plenty of people around who made me realize I wasn't as good as I thought. When it came to grades, I was pretty hard on myself because I couldn't fail. Failure back then was a B. I couldn't get a B, because I had to have that 4.0 so I could be on the top of the class. In hindsight, it didn't matter anyway, because no one knew or cared who I even was. I wasn't popular, boys didn't seem to notice me, I was kinda ugly, etc. But I had friends. I got my grades and I was perfect enough for my liking.


Then I got into college where you turned into just one of 10K+ and no one gave a crap. I hated where I was, but I still managed to get A's and B's. I went to another school, got anxiety/depression, stopped caring about grades and didn't give a crap what my grades were as long as I didn't flunk and have to take it over again. It wasn't grades I was so hard on myself for now; it was just being me. I figured it was my fault I was going crazy and I hated myself because I couldn't do anything to reverse it. Actually, I still have a hard time with that. Now that I'm on pills, I'm happier, but all that I went thru scarred me and left my self-esteem in the gutter.


1. I don't think I can do anything right. I get scared when, like at work, someone gives me too much responsibility, but I know I'm gonna screw it up; I have before. And I hate doing things wrong. I have to do everything right the first time and it has to be perfect. Why? I don't know. I guess I don't want anyone looking at me like I'm stupid. You're too stupid to do a simple task? What the hell is wrong with you?? One day I called the wrong clinic. Simple accident but I knew better. So I beat myself up over it and was horribly embarrassed the rest of the day. Everyone makes mistakes, but I can't. And I always do. So I hate myself. Self-esteem drops.


2. I don't trust anyone. I used to trust people. But then my HS friends suddenly dropped me like I was diseased with no real reason or explanation. I know I have issues and can be hard to get along with, but what kind of friend doesn't even try to find out why you act that way, or why your mood suddenly changed. My roommate talked about me harshly behind my back. My friend Gina just decided not to talk to me anymore. I didn't really make any friends in college because at the time, I was going thru a lot of anxiety/depression and I just couldn't talk to people, much less show up to class. Besides, I'd talk to someone, and I felt like they were just being nice to me for the sake of the fact that it's rude to tell someone to go away in public. My ex-bosses treated me like I was awesome and great and wonderful, and then one day they stab me in the back, tell me I'm awful, worthless, don't do anything. They made me feel really small and worthless. I cried so hard I thought I was going to asphyxiate myself. I put my trust in people and what do they do to me? Throw it away like it was just another worthless piece of garbage.


2b. I'm totally closed off. It goes with not trusting people. I know I seem pretty open online, but I mean, it's not like I'll ever see most of you in real life. If you think I'm a freak and throw my faults or whatever back in my face, it's just a bunch of words on a screen. It may hurt, but in the end it doesn't matter. But if you were standing in front of my face I couldn't take it. I can't take people doing that. Like, if I tell people about my feelings on something, I figure they're just going to use it as a weapon to hurt me, by making me feel stupid or abnormal or something. I can't allow people to hurt me, make fun of me...I just can't. So I figure the less they learn, the better off I am. Besides, like I did with a friend of mine...he made me mad and on one random night, I decided to tell him why, because one night before he told me if I wanted to talk about it to let him know. So I do. He writes back this nice email and all and things seemed cool, but he really hasn't talked to me since. So I figure great, I open up and he ignores me/hates me. <--- This is what I get for being honest. So I end up being a bitch. But I only have 2 choices...getting hurt or being a bitch. I guess I'll just have to be a bitch.


3. I don't trust men double of how much I don't trust people in general. Maybe I've been watching too much TV or I've come across too many websites like that one I posted. But this is what I think 99.9% of men are like: They are egotistical, success-hungry jerks who when not thinking about conquering the world, all they think about is sex and how to get it. If their current girlfriend or wife won’t give it to them or won’t do it often enough, they’ll just find someone who will. They don’t care what it does to their girlfriend/wife, just so long as they get laid and get laid as often as possible. They are completely devoid of any real feelings besides hunger, thirst, occasional pain, and being horny. One hurts your feelings, you let him know. His reaction: Gee, sorry. *scratches his ass and goes back to watching football* But if you upset him, damn, he’ll let you know about it. Is this what I want in a husband?? No way in hell. I’ll get married just so that someday later he cheats on me, beats me, uses me, etc. I’m gonna end up dying alone anyway, cuz I’ll have gotten divorced, so why bother?


3b. Chalk this up to my reluctance to be open and tie it into my feelings about men. If not a huge fan of sex. Yes, I know I’m a virgin and someone out there is all like, she doesn’t even know what she’s talking about, but tough. There is no more of an experience where you open yourself up to someone than having sex with them. So what…I open myself up to criticism. No thanks. I don’t want to put my whole trust into a man and then have him throw it back at me. Plus, I don’t see why men think you’re a worthless woman if you won’t do him everyday day of the world. And I won’t, so see the problem? Basically I’m in search of something I’ll never find. I’m with Ashlee…I wish I were a damn amoeba.


4. I think everyone is ignoring me and it’s my fault. The guy friend I mentioned up there never seems to get on IM anymore. I finally got up the courage to email that guy I went to HS with. He wrote back once, but hasn’t since. I know people get busy and stuff, but in the back of my mind, I think, I did something wrong and now they won’t talk to me. So whatever the reason is, it’s my fault.


5. I want to be perfect and normal. Here’s my definition of normal. You have a great husband and a couple kids, a nice house, you have a good job that you like, and you don’t have any money worries whatsoever. Now here’s my pathetic life: I’m 25 and have never even had a boyfriend. I live with my parents (which I totally don’t mind, because I don’t wanna live alone, can’t stand roommates, and apartments suck, but it’s not “normal”), I have a college degree and for 2 years afterward, couldn’t get a decent job. Actually, now I don’t think I really have a “decent” job…I have a degree and I’m a part-time receptionist. But at this rate, I don’t care because someone finally hired me and I really don’t mind the job. But it’s not where I should be. And I think, since I’m 25 and none of what should have happened has happened to me, my life is over and I might as well resign myself to a life of loneliness. One time my great-grandmother said I was more-or-less doomed because I still lived at home and didn’t have a boyfriend. At the time thought, “What the hell does she know?! She comes from a totally different generation.” But maybe she was right; I am doomed.

Hang in there Cathy, the right person is out there somewhere waiting for you. You have a lot more going for you than you might think, like intelligence, a lot of guys find that attractive. When I was 25 I felt the same way as you, didn't trust men, wanted a couple kids and never thought the right man would come along. Now at 32 I'm finally going to get married to a wonderful guy, and no, all guys don't think about sex all the time. In fact I'm usually the one who has to initiate it with my fiance. As far as school goes, it was the opposite with me. I hated HS and was not popular and got average grades. In college though, things looked up for me. I felt like I finally belonged and made quite a few really good friends.

Cathy...I really don't know what to say. I feel really awful that it was something I said that made you start a thread in which you just beat up on yourself. I am really very sorry. :(

I hate myself with a passion. I'm worthless. I've already screwed up so much, and I'm not even an adult yet. I got addicted to heavy drugs... alcohol.. suicide attempts, finally everything hitting the fan and landing me in a nuthouse. They've diagnosed me with everything under the sun... bi-polar, social anxiety disorder, yet they don't really know what's wrong with me yet. I'm on so many different meds. I feel so ****ed up. I want to be a normal kid. I want to be able to socialize with people without having panic attacks. I want to wake up not wanting to die. I want to be able to look drugs in the eye and be able to say no. I'm just not a stable person. My family pisses the **** out of me. I don't feel close to anyone. I only feel close to about 3 or 4 people in this world... I just want to be a normal kid and succeed in life, and not turn out a bigger ****up than I've already been.

i hate myself because i am a stupid bitch who can't do anything correctly :)


We know that already

I hate myself with a passion. I'm worthless. I've already screwed up so much, and I'm not even an adult yet. I got addicted to heavy drugs... alcohol.. suicide attempts, finally everything hitting the fan and landing me in a nuthouse. They've diagnosed me with everything under the sun... bi-polar, social anxiety disorder, yet they don't really know what's wrong with me yet. I'm on so many different meds. I feel so ****ed up. I want to be a normal kid. I want to be able to socialize with people without having panic attacks. I want to wake up not wanting to die. I want to be able to look drugs in the eye and be able to say no. I'm just not a stable person. My family pisses the **** out of me. I don't feel close to anyone. I only feel close to about 3 or 4 people in this world... I just want to be a normal kid and succeed in life, and not turn out a bigger ****up than I've already been.

The fact that you realize the mistakes that you've made and that you want to be a better person is already a step in the right direction. And there isn't a single human being alive (well, with the possible exceptions of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton) that is worthless. I believe that everyone has something to offer. I'm sure that if you work hard at it and don't give up when the times get tough that you'll be very sucsessful in life.

I finally realized that I do not hate myself, I hate everyone except myself. When I think of killing myself, it's always somebody else who triggered it. So I've come to realize that people are no good and I no longer care about anyone or anything anymore, I'm dead and I'm glad. I have no emotions for anything except myself, I don't love anything. Not my pets, family, or anything else. And it feels good. I hope all of you here will die inside because it's much more comforting than caring about what others think or say about you. There are good people out there and I still like talking to people that I can get along with, but at any moment I will turn on somebody when I feel they are no longer important to me or of use to me. I do not care either.

BTW Happy Easter yallz! :bunny:

My self esteem's gotten about 10% higher over the last couple of years. It really hit me in 8th grade, the definition of hell on earth: Jr. High. That's when my depression started, where I couldn't get myself to go to school and all I would do is cry constantly. There are at least two factors that have triggered my low self esteem, and because you asked, with you I shall share them.

How I Got ****ed Up Number 1: I was always second string to my "best friend" as a little girl. She was always cooler than me, I was always the weird one. When we met other kids in school, they'd all take more of a liking to her. If I made friends without her (rare), once they met her...they'd like her better. I just kept feeling less than and less than. Eventually, around 6th grade, things just went even further down hill. That's basically the year they started to desert me. 8th grade, huge fight...I was wrong, not them, AIM etc etc. **** this I'm telling my mom blah blah blah teeny teeny teeeennyyy. BAM. End of friendship era. We're all cool now, but I don't hang out with her anymore. Thing is, I can handle them now...it's just if I'm around them like I used to be, my self esteem automatically hits an all time low. Always always. She or her sister never fail to make me feel less than, and without even meaning to.

How I Got ****ed Up Number 2: Daddy, can I go play outside with my friends? No. You're going to practice that ****ing piano or you're never going to get anywhere in life and end up like your mother. ****ing *******. Yup. Good old dad. The guy who cares about you so much, he's willing to rip your self-esteem into shreds in order to get you somewhere in life. He instilled a fear in me of him when I was little...what with his yelling constantly over things that weren't necessary to be yelled about. Once I became a teenager, apparently I started acting "just like my mother", which lit his ass on fire. He put me down left and right. Never ****ing good enough at any ****ing thing. Loser this, idiot that. You're grades are in the low 90's but you could be doing bettterrr. You quit piano???!!?! You're a loser quitter...and I'm going to stop the car I'm driving in the middle of the road right now to let you know that, then I'm going to go on about how you're only like this because of you're loser mother who brainwashed you.

Both situations today are better. However, now he's picking on my sister. Her crying at least once a week before school and not going like I did in 8th grade brings back horrible memories. As for the friends, I like my friends now. I don't love them...but they're more of friends than those other half ass ones I've had before. I still have low self esteem, I'm still shy, I'm still afraid to be myself. I think all of that is just a part of me now because of the way I grew up. My mom says I'll grow out of it, and maybe I will...because things have gotten better. Maybe with the better situations will come higher self esteem. I can only hope. That life is miserable.

I got this thread idea when Michael told me I was too hard on myself. It's true; I am. It's funny. I used to have a lot of self-esteem. When I was in JH, HS, I was fine. Occasionally I'd get a little egotistical to myself, but I didn't flaunt it because I hate egotists. Besides, at my suburban ****hole of a school, there were plenty of people around who made me realize I wasn't as good as I thought. When it came to grades, I was pretty hard on myself because I couldn't fail. Failure back then was a B. I couldn't get a B, because I had to have that 4.0 so I could be on the top of the class. In hindsight, it didn't matter anyway, because no one knew or cared who I even was. I wasn't popular, boys didn't seem to notice me, I was kinda ugly, etc. But I had friends. I got my grades and I was perfect enough for my liking.


Then I got into college where you turned into just one of 10K+ and no one gave a crap. I hated where I was, but I still managed to get A's and B's. I went to another school, got anxiety/depression, stopped caring about grades and didn't give a crap what my grades were as long as I didn't flunk and have to take it over again. It wasn't grades I was so hard on myself for now; it was just being me. I figured it was my fault I was going crazy and I hated myself because I couldn't do anything to reverse it. Actually, I still have a hard time with that. Now that I'm on pills, I'm happier, but all that I went thru scarred me and left my self-esteem in the gutter.


1. I don't think I can do anything right. I get scared when, like at work, someone gives me too much responsibility, but I know I'm gonna screw it up; I have before. And I hate doing things wrong. I have to do everything right the first time and it has to be perfect. Why? I don't know. I guess I don't want anyone looking at me like I'm stupid. You're too stupid to do a simple task? What the hell is wrong with you?? One day I called the wrong clinic. Simple accident but I knew better. So I beat myself up over it and was horribly embarrassed the rest of the day. Everyone makes mistakes, but I can't. And I always do. So I hate myself. Self-esteem drops.


2. I don't trust anyone. I used to trust people. But then my HS friends suddenly dropped me like I was diseased with no real reason or explanation. I know I have issues and can be hard to get along with, but what kind of friend doesn't even try to find out why you act that way, or why your mood suddenly changed. My roommate talked about me harshly behind my back. My friend Gina just decided not to talk to me anymore. I didn't really make any friends in college because at the time, I was going thru a lot of anxiety/depression and I just couldn't talk to people, much less show up to class. Besides, I'd talk to someone, and I felt like they were just being nice to me for the sake of the fact that it's rude to tell someone to go away in public. My ex-bosses treated me like I was awesome and great and wonderful, and then one day they stab me in the back, tell me I'm awful, worthless, don't do anything. They made me feel really small and worthless. I cried so hard I thought I was going to asphyxiate myself. I put my trust in people and what do they do to me? Throw it away like it was just another worthless piece of garbage.


2b. I'm totally closed off. It goes with not trusting people. I know I seem pretty open online, but I mean, it's not like I'll ever see most of you in real life. If you think I'm a freak and throw my faults or whatever back in my face, it's just a bunch of words on a screen. It may hurt, but in the end it doesn't matter. But if you were standing in front of my face I couldn't take it. I can't take people doing that. Like, if I tell people about my feelings on something, I figure they're just going to use it as a weapon to hurt me, by making me feel stupid or abnormal or something. I can't allow people to hurt me, make fun of me...I just can't. So I figure the less they learn, the better off I am. Besides, like I did with a friend of mine...he made me mad and on one random night, I decided to tell him why, because one night before he told me if I wanted to talk about it to let him know. So I do. He writes back this nice email and all and things seemed cool, but he really hasn't talked to me since. So I figure great, I open up and he ignores me/hates me. <--- This is what I get for being honest. So I end up being a bitch. But I only have 2 choices...getting hurt or being a bitch. I guess I'll just have to be a bitch.


3. I don't trust men double of how much I don't trust people in general. Maybe I've been watching too much TV or I've come across too many websites like that one I posted. But this is what I think 99.9% of men are like: They are egotistical, success-hungry jerks who when not thinking about conquering the world, all they think about is sex and how to get it. If their current girlfriend or wife won’t give it to them or won’t do it often enough, they’ll just find someone who will. They don’t care what it does to their girlfriend/wife, just so long as they get laid and get laid as often as possible. They are completely devoid of any real feelings besides hunger, thirst, occasional pain, and being horny. One hurts your feelings, you let him know. His reaction: Gee, sorry. *scratches his ass and goes back to watching football* But if you upset him, damn, he’ll let you know about it. Is this what I want in a husband?? No way in hell. I’ll get married just so that someday later he cheats on me, beats me, uses me, etc. I’m gonna end up dying alone anyway, cuz I’ll have gotten divorced, so why bother?


3b. Chalk this up to my reluctance to be open and tie it into my feelings about men. If not a huge fan of sex. Yes, I know I’m a virgin and someone out there is all like, she doesn’t even know what she’s talking about, but tough. There is no more of an experience where you open yourself up to someone than having sex with them. So what…I open myself up to criticism. No thanks. I don’t want to put my whole trust into a man and then have him throw it back at me. Plus, I don’t see why men think you’re a worthless woman if you won’t do him everyday day of the world. And I won’t, so see the problem? Basically I’m in search of something I’ll never find. I’m with Ashlee…I wish I were a damn amoeba.


4. I think everyone is ignoring me and it’s my fault. The guy friend I mentioned up there never seems to get on IM anymore. I finally got up the courage to email that guy I went to HS with. He wrote back once, but hasn’t since. I know people get busy and stuff, but in the back of my mind, I think, I did something wrong and now they won’t talk to me. So whatever the reason is, it’s my fault.


5. I want to be perfect and normal. Here’s my definition of normal. You have a great husband and a couple kids, a nice house, you have a good job that you like, and you don’t have any money worries whatsoever. Now here’s my pathetic life: I’m 25 and have never even had a boyfriend. I live with my parents (which I totally don’t mind, because I don’t wanna live alone, can’t stand roommates, and apartments suck, but it’s not “normal”), I have a college degree and for 2 years afterward, couldn’t get a decent job. Actually, now I don’t think I really have a “decent” job…I have a degree and I’m a part-time receptionist. But at this rate, I don’t care because someone finally hired me and I really don’t mind the job. But it’s not where I should be. And I think, since I’m 25 and none of what should have happened has happened to me, my life is over and I might as well resign myself to a life of loneliness. One time my great-grandmother said I was more-or-less doomed because I still lived at home and didn’t have a boyfriend. At the time thought, “What the hell does she know?! She comes from a totally different generation.” But maybe she was right; I am doomed.
You're not doomed :( It is a different time. People get married at 30 and have kids at 35 now.

Anyways, as for some of the stuff you mentioned...that's me to a ****ing tea. Everything you said in "I can't do anything right", "I'm totally closed off" and "I think everyone is ignoring me and it's my fault" especially. I don't have totally distrust in guys...but only give it some time, who knows. I know they're not all like that...but those ones are so hard to find. I can only promise myself to never **** up like my mom did. Take all the time you can to find the right person instead of rushing into it and ending up with a f*ck bean.

We know that already
**** off, ho.

We know that already
gee, thanks for caring. :rolleyes: for the record, i would happily rather maintain the things i hate about myself than be anything like the dick hole you are. :wave: your shi++y attitude is going to come back and bite you in the ass someday. at least i'm going to grow up to become more than a 25 year old lazy ass talking to people online about females all day long.

I hate myself with a passion. I'm worthless. I've already screwed up so much, and I'm not even an adult yet. I got addicted to heavy drugs... alcohol.. suicide attempts, finally everything hitting the fan and landing me in a nuthouse. They've diagnosed me with everything under the sun... bi-polar, social anxiety disorder, yet they don't really know what's wrong with me yet. I'm on so many different meds. I feel so ****ed up. I want to be a normal kid. I want to be able to socialize with people without having panic attacks. I want to wake up not wanting to die. I want to be able to look drugs in the eye and be able to say no. I'm just not a stable person. My family pisses the **** out of me. I don't feel close to anyone. I only feel close to about 3 or 4 people in this world... I just want to be a normal kid and succeed in life, and not turn out a bigger ****up than I've already been.
I think you're going to be just fine. You know what baffles me? When people say that being a teenager is the "best time of your life" Yeah, for about 2% of the kids in highschool it is. The rich ones with all of the perfect friends. Most people don't have that. For most people, being a teenager sucks ass. You're a smart person...there's no way you're not going to get anywhere in life. It's just now...things are going to suck more than they ever will.

Self-esteem. For some reason, there doesn't seem to be a nice happy medium. If you feel like sharing, tell about yours. Do you have little to none and hate yourself? Or do you have a lot? What in your life makes you have it, not have it, lose it, gain it?

I'll post mine, but I wanted a starter post in case you don't wanna read it or it's too long or whatever.

The title for this makes me think of a PSA!!! :lol: anyway I hate that I'm so tall and ugly!!

i don't hate myself. i've been through and am out of the whole "self hatred" stage. well, it was a stage to me, but oh well.
i really don't know what my problem was. i had no real reason to hate myself. i was just like "wow.. yeah. i suck." because everyone around me was so down on themselves. i was the real self conscious one because i'm not exactly the skinniest girl ever, and always thought people were looking at my not-so-perfect waistline.
well.. i met a boy. and he taught me that self confidence is a really great thing to have. i always thought that if i was proud of myself and such, that people would think i was arrogant and cocky, but that's not how it is at all. he's my boyfriend right now, one of the greatest boys i've ever met. i'm a much happier person.. and he really opened my eyes. i'm different, and i like being happy with myself.

uhh yeah that sounded like a Dr. Phil clip, but oh well.

Cathy...I really don't know what to say. I feel really awful that it was something I said that made you start a thread in which you just beat up on yourself. I am really very sorry. :(

Oh no no no. Don't feel bad! It just made me feel like posting a topic on it, not that you did anything. I beat up on myself a lot.

Hey Cath, and others -

I know this sounds SOOOO cliche and I shouldnt be the one talking because it makes me a TOTAL hypocrite.... BUT I will say it anyway. :p Things will get better with time. Learning to love yourself is one of the hardest things to accomplish if you are someone with low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, etc. BUT, it is also one of the most important thing to love in life. Just take it a step at a time, and you'll soon learn what a worthy person you really are. :) In the mean time, hang in there!

Now... for my hypocritical speech... :p

I HATE myself with PASSION, and I don't deem myself worthy- not the least bit. I don't believe I will find self-worth in myself any time soon, either. First off, like you (Cath), I can't trust men. Why? Because all my life I've been sexually/physically/verbally abused by my father, and it's still going on even NOW. I am 16, btw... and I've lived my childhood in denial. So, what's there to trust about men?

Secondly, I think I am a fat, ugly b!!tch, even though I am not clinically overweight. I binge because it's how I cope with my emotions and my self-hate. Only, bingeing makes me hate myself MORE. And although I am well aware this is a false statement, I truly believe that being 98 pounds will make me happy. It willl give my dad less meat to pinch... it'll make me less noticeable... it'll make me light and delicate. It will make me happy. It will boost my self-esteem.

I also want everything to be done perfectly. I will not settle for anything less than perfection. And BECAUSE of this, I can never get anything done on time. Not only that, but I also feel like sh!!t everytime I fail at something, which only lowers my self-esteem more. My parents aren't supportive, either. Anything less than a 95, I will get whipped for. (Literally, whipped for).

I think nobody cares about me, even though I KNOW it is *probably* untrue. But how can I help but think it... when I ask my most favorite teacher in the world for help with me my eating disorder... and she been neglecting me like I didn't even matter???

I don't think anyone understands how I feel, or care about what I am thinking. Nobody notices me. My friends have all ditched me, too. I've become a hermit... living in isolation... occupying myself with food... so that I can become an even FATTER b!!tch. :(

I am better than everyone else in the world.

I hate myself with a passion. I'm worthless. I've already screwed up so much, and I'm not even an adult yet. I got addicted to heavy drugs... alcohol.. suicide attempts, finally everything hitting the fan and landing me in a nuthouse. They've diagnosed me with everything under the sun... bi-polar, social anxiety disorder, yet they don't really know what's wrong with me yet. I'm on so many different meds. I feel so ****ed up. I want to be a normal kid. I want to be able to socialize with people without having panic attacks. I want to wake up not wanting to die. I want to be able to look drugs in the eye and be able to say no. I'm just not a stable person. My family pisses the **** out of me. I don't feel close to anyone. I only feel close to about 3 or 4 people in this world... I just want to be a normal kid and succeed in life, and not turn out a bigger ****up than I've already been.

I wanna be normal too. Not that I'm necessarily unhappy overall, but it's like, what the hell did we do to deserve this? Were we born with a kick me sign?

And there isn't a single human being alive (well, with the possible exceptions of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton) that is worthless.

:lol: That made me laugh.

I hate myself with a passion. I'm worthless. I've already screwed up so much, and I'm not even an adult yet. I got addicted to heavy drugs... alcohol.. suicide attempts, finally everything hitting the fan and landing me in a nuthouse. They've diagnosed me with everything under the sun... bi-polar, social anxiety disorder, yet they don't really know what's wrong with me yet. I'm on so many different meds. I feel so ****ed up. I want to be a normal kid. I want to be able to socialize with people without having panic attacks. I want to wake up not wanting to die. I want to be able to look drugs in the eye and be able to say no. I'm just not a stable person. My family pisses the **** out of me. I don't feel close to anyone. I only feel close to about 3 or 4 people in this world... I just want to be a normal kid and succeed in life, and not turn out a bigger ****up than I've already been.I understand how you feel, Karli. Completely. And although I haven't turned to drugs to cope, I HAVE turned to food, and that's as good as drugs in my book. It's an addiction, plain and simple. I also understand how you feel about wanting to be a "normal kid." Don't we all? A "normal kid" who can do all of these great things in life without having another voice causing you to do otherwise? :(

For the longest time I suffered from extremely low self-esteem.I was crying all the time,and I felt so bad about myself.I felt like I was the ugliest person alive,and I felt unwanted and undesirable.It was a very difficult time,and alone,I overcame my low self-esteem.
When I was suffering from lack of self-esteem,I became an angry and bitter person.I wasn’t friendly to people anymore,and had no tolerance or patience for anybody,and I made my family suffer because of how I was feeling.
Not a day went by when I didn’t cry,and I got so depressed,I felt like killing myself,because I was too ashamed to tell anyone what was going on in my head,and I didn’t want to talk to counselors,although they would’ve been helpful.
I felt like the whole world was against me,and everyone was talking about me,and I was alone in the world.I didn’t even want to see my family anymore.I felt unappreciated,unloved and ugly.
If someone said one little comment about me,I let it really upset me,which made me more depressed,and more worthless.I wanted everyone to love me,and to like me,but that’s impossible because there’s always going to be somebody who doesn’t like you.
I let insignificant people destroy me emotionally,and I let them win.
I was angry at everyone,and I became a terror to be around.I was aggressive,abusive and was constantly swearing,my family did not know what had gotten into me.
I spent many hours locked in my bedroom crying,and wanting God to take me.I had had enough of life,and felt things were only getting worse,and not better.
I was under the impression that if someone hated me,it was because something was wrong with me,and I felt like I didn’t belong in the world.
It was a terrible time,and those who have experienced depression,would know.
What made me overcome it,was realizing that I was worthy and loved.My family love me and my friends love me,and **** everyone else.I told myself I was a great person,and I instantly changed my attitude.
Today,I am feeling a lot better about myself,and I am positive.You have to be,if you want to survive in this world.
If anything,I want to thank those who made me feel bad about myself because now I am stronger,I am a fighter,I am a survivor,and I am not ashamed of what I felt in the past.I was never again going to let anyone succeed in making me feel anything but good.
This Is Me.Love me or loathe me,I’m here to stay.

I have learned a lot through my experiences,and I have grown stronger.I don’t regret anything I’ve been through,it has just made me stronger,and more capable of getting through ANYTHING.
Remember that you give people the power to upset you.No one can make feel anything,without your consent.I heartedly applaude you for making this transition, and all on your own, too! You are one strong person, and I must say you are worth admiration. :)

How I Got ****ed Up Number 1: I was always second string to my "best friend" as a little girl. She was always cooler than me, I was always the weird one. When we met other kids in school, they'd all take more of a liking to her. If I made friends without her (rare), once they met her...they'd like her better. I just kept feeling less than and less than. Eventually, around 6th grade, things just went even further down hill. That's basically the year they started to desert me. 8th grade, huge fight...I was wrong, not them, AIM etc etc. **** this I'm telling my mom blah blah blah teeny teeny teeeennyyy. BAM. End of friendship era. We're all cool now, but I don't hang out with her anymore. Thing is, I can handle them now...it's just if I'm around them like I used to be, my self esteem automatically hits an all time low. Always always. She or her sister never fail to make me feel less than, and without even meaning to.

That's terrible. Cliche alert: Kids can be so cruel. It's just...it pisses me off. Goody goody's like that.

You're not doomed :( It is a different time. People get married at 30 and have kids at 35 now.

Anyways, as for some of the stuff you mentioned...that's me to a ****ing tea. Everything you said in "I can't do anything right", "I'm totally closed off" and "I think everyone is ignoring me and it's my fault" especially. I don't have totally distrust in guys...but only give it some time, who knows. I know they're not all like that...but those ones are so hard to find. I can only promise myself to never **** up like my mom did. Take all the time you can to find the right person instead of rushing into it and ending up with a f*ck bean.

:lol: **** bean. yeah, as much as I'd like to have a boyfriend, I have no desire to just settle for the first guy that comes along. I'm not that desperate yet.

Nice to know I'm not alone. :)

We know that already

hmm...yeah, so the point of this thread wasn't to make people feel worse about themselves.

The title for this makes me think of a PSA!!! :lol:

:lol: Yeah, it does.

I have the worst self esteem ever.... I have absolutely no self confidence. It's getting a *little* bit better, but it's still horrible. Ugh.

I HATE myself with PASSION, and I don't deem myself worthy- not the least bit. I don't believe I will find self-worth in myself any time soon, either. First off, like you (Cath), I can't trust men. Why? Because all my life I've been sexually/physically/verbally abused by my father, and it's still going on even NOW. I am 16, btw... and I've lived my childhood in denial. So, what's there to trust about men?



:( That's awful.

Funny thing about me...I don't really have a reason to distrust men like I do. My dad has never cheated on my mom or done anything to her or me. Some of the things my friend Ryan has said could qualify, but in reality, he's just a college guy who likes to talk **** cuz it sounds macho or something. I don't know...

I want to be able to socialize with people without having panic attacks.
That is probably the thing i hate most about myself. if there was ONE thing i could change about myself it would be to not have social anxiety. whenever i talk to someone i don't know very well in an informal situation, regardless whether i like them or hate them or have never met them, i get physically STIFF, my mind COMPLETELY goes blank and i can't think of anything to say besides "mm hmm" and answering questions in one word, and after they leave i always have body spasms and have to force myself to breathe slowly and settle down. even if i just hand a note to them or something. my counselor told me to not try to force myself to talk or anything if i have nothing to say, and when people ask why i'm quiet to just say "i just am" or whatever. but hell no. i WANT to be able to interact with people. i'm really scared to meet any celebrities i like because of it.

That is probably the thing i hate most about myself. if there was ONE thing i could change about myself it would be to not have social anxiety. whenever i talk to someone i don't know very well in an informal situation, regardless whether i like them or hate them or have never met them, i get physically STIFF, my mind COMPLETELY goes blank and i can't think of anything to say besides "mm hmm" and answering questions in one word, and after they leave i always have body spasms and have to force myself to breathe slowly and settle down. even if i just hand a note to them or something. my counselor told me to not try to force myself to talk or anything if i have nothing to say, and when people ask why i'm quiet to just say "i just am" or whatever. but hell no. i WANT to be able to interact with people. i'm really scared to meet any celebrities i like because of it.Yeah, I totally have that problem, too. That's why I've become so dependent on the internet. I can more adequately express myself if I'm at the other end of a computer screen. :p And even in the case with teachers or whatever... I have to type out notes. :mad: It makes me mad because sometimes I really want to confront people about things, esp of my "issues", but I'm too afraid and I can't do it. :(

:( That's awful.

Funny thing about me...I don't really have a reason to distrust men like I do. My dad has never cheated on my mom or done anything to her or me. Some of the things my friend Ryan has said could qualify, but in reality, he's just a college guy who likes to talk **** cuz it sounds macho or something. I don't know...I don't think it's funny, weird or anything. Sometimes people just like to avoid things (people, in your case) for no "apparent" reason. It's probably a subconsious thing.. just that little SOMETHING that's bothering you about them, you know?

And yeah, my dad is a JERK. He makes me feel like sh!!t, too.. always, ALWAYS criticizing, calling me horrendous names. He helped me start all this self-hatred crap. I am NOTHING when he is here. All I am is a weak being... and he overpowers me in every aspect imaginable. :(

We should most definitely start a Sitcoms Online support group.

I don't think it's funny, weird or anything. Sometimes people just like to avoid things (people, in your case) for no "apparent" reason. It's probably a subconsious thing.. just that little SOMETHING that's bothering you about them, you know?

And yeah, my dad is a JERK. He makes me feel like sh!!t, too.. always, ALWAYS criticizing, calling me horrendous names. He helped me start all this self-hatred crap. I am NOTHING when he is here. All I am is a weak being... and he overpowers me in every aspect imaginable. :(

Maybe that's it. The subconscious is such a mysterious thing.

That's terrible. I don't understand dads (or moms) that are like that. Parents are supposed to love their children for who they are and encourage them. Not kick them around like a disobedient dog. Unfortunately, most of the time, you can't do anything about it until you become an adult. :(

We should most definitely start a Sitcoms Online support group.

I'm all for it.

Maybe that's it. The subconscious is such a mysterious thing.

That's terrible. I don't understand dads (or moms) that are like that. Parents are supposed to love their children for who they are and encourage them. Not kick them around like a disobedient dog. Unfortunately, most of the time, you can't do anything about it until you become an adult. :(Exactly. And by the time you're an adult, you've already become brainwashed. :( And my dad kicks me around all the time... he literally picks me up and THROWS me on the bed sometimes, like a haystack... he shoves me to the corner, too..always pushing, pulling, yelling, screaming... he hurts me so much when he does these things... :(

Exactly. And by the time you're an adult, you've already become brainwashed. :( And my dad kicks me around all the time... he literally picks me up and THROWS me on the bed sometimes, like a haystack... he shoves me to the corner, too..always pushing, pulling, yelling, screaming... he hurts me so much when he does these things... :(
:( I feel terrible for you. :hug:

I hate myself because my family members ignore me whenever I try to
talk or they just laugh whenever I say something,It pisses me off when
they do that.I also talking so I would rather write notes and stuff because
I fear I might say something stupid like I always do. But people say they
can't answer me if I write to them because they aren't speaking to me.
My life has been so ****ed up in the past few years. I don't even know
why the **** I graduated from ****ing high school!,I'll live in a ****ty ass
town that's been ****ed up and it's even more ****ed up
because they now have a ****ty wannabe ass gang who causes ******
ass fights down at the park!,The policemen are major *******s who don't
give a **** about you no matter what.I wish I could die and get this ****ty
life over with.No knows maybe even hell is better than this ****hole!

I have the worst self esteem ever.... I have absolutely no self confidence. It's getting a *little* bit better, but it's still horrible. Ugh.

Thats me to a T,dear.I am in a much better way now than I was before,but it comes and goes.Sometimes I feel strong,sometimes I feel terrible.

Yeah, I totally have that problem, too. That's why I've become so dependent on the internet. I can more adequately express myself if I'm at the other end of a computer screen. :p And even in the case with teachers or whatever... I have to type out notes. :mad: It makes me mad because sometimes I really want to confront people about things, esp of my "issues", but I'm too afraid and I can't do it. :(
Yeah. I keep coming back here constantly because this is the only place I can comfortably express myself.

That is probably the thing i hate most about myself. if there was ONE thing i could change about myself it would be to not have social anxiety. whenever i talk to someone i don't know very well in an informal situation, regardless whether i like them or hate them or have never met them, i get physically STIFF, my mind COMPLETELY goes blank and i can't think of anything to say besides "mm hmm" and answering questions in one word, and after they leave i always have body spasms and have to force myself to breathe slowly and settle down. even if i just hand a note to them or something. my counselor told me to not try to force myself to talk or anything if i have nothing to say, and when people ask why i'm quiet to just say "i just am" or whatever. but hell no. i WANT to be able to interact with people. i'm really scared to meet any celebrities i like because of it.
That's me, exactly. It's getting better lately...but I don't know, I'll never be able to handle people like a normal person would. I've said for the longest time now that people are my biggest fear.

Exactly. And by the time you're an adult, you've already become brainwashed. :( And my dad kicks me around all the time... he literally picks me up and THROWS me on the bed sometimes, like a haystack... he shoves me to the corner, too..always pushing, pulling, yelling, screaming... he hurts me so much when he does these things... :(
God, I'm so sorry :(

I have the worst self esteem ever.... I have absolutely no self confidence. It's getting a *little* bit better, but it's still horrible. Ugh.
Wow, we're all ****ed arn't we? Sorry Lauren :(

Yeah. I keep coming back here constantly because this is the only place I can comfortably express myself.I keep a journal, too. That helps. I vent like CRAZY over there. :eek: I will think about sharing it with people on here, too.. sometime.... still thinking because I have some pretty personal/graphic/vulgar stuff in there. Only two people SOL know about it. :D

I keep a journal, too. That helps. I vent like CRAZY over there. :eek: I will think about sharing it with people on here, too.. sometime.... still thinking because I have some pretty personal/graphic/vulgar stuff in there. Only two people SOL know about it. :D
I refuse to have an online journal unless I can get it all fancy...which I can't...so I settle for sitcoms. That's good enough for me. :lol:

I refuse to have an online journal unless I can get it all fancy...which I can't...so I settle for sitcoms. That's good enough for me. :lol:

I just got one, but it's totally not fancy and it never will be cuz I have no idea how and I'm too lazy to find out. :lol:

I have a premium journal and I seriously go crazy designing it... but I think I finally have a layout I can settle with after.... several months. :lol: :o

There are always templates. ;)

Last night my mom told me I have an attitude like I think I'd be better off dead. She can't understand my pessimism and I can't understand her optimism.

I have to agree with your mom here Cathy. I think that you have much more to offer this world then you realize. And I think that your mom probably knows this.

I have to agree with your mom here Cathy. I think that you have much more to offer this world then you realize. And I think that your mom probably knows this.

Yeah, I suppose. I just have a real tough time seeing that point of view. Even at work, I've found that I'm so spineless that I'm now being used. It's like I'm here to be a tool for other people to use.

Last night my mom told me I have an attitude like I think I'd be better off dead. She can't understand my pessimism and I can't understand her optimism.

I've had people in the past ask me why I'm so pessimistic. And I always tell them, that if you are like me and you've never had anything good happen for you, that's why I'm pessimistic. I swear everything that I try, I always fail.

I've had people in the past ask me why I'm so pessimistic. And I always tell them, that if you are like me and you've never had anything good happen for you, that's why I'm pessimistic. I swear everything that I try, I always fail.
Exactly. And you know why they say pessimists don't live as long? Not because of they're way of thinking, which is near impossible to change, but what GOT them to think that way. Usually pessimists live ****ty, stressed filled lives. THAT'S why we die sooner. I'm sick of the *******s who think you can turn it around just like that. Yeah, like we WANT to be miserable. It's hard and hell and it ****ing takes time.

For some reason I get depressed more at night, so forgive me for whining again. It sucks.

I'm sitting here thinking and wondering why I have such control issues. I can't make people talk to me. I can't make them stay signed in to IM long enough to talk to me or return emails. But I want to, and since I can't, I've lost control and that drives me nuts. Makes me angry at myself. So then I just assume they're ignoring me and they don't like me. And being hated is depressing.

For some reason I get depressed more at night, so forgive me for whining again. It sucks.

I'm sitting here thinking and wondering why I have such control issues. I can't make people talk to me. I can't make them stay signed in to IM long enough to talk to me or return emails. But I want to, and since I can't, I've lost control and that drives me nuts. Makes me angry at myself. So then I just assume they're ignoring me and they don't like me. And being hated is depressing.

Cathy, Cathy, Cathy...what am I going to do with you? I'm pretty sure that no one hates you. It is just that some people who you meet on the computer (though I'm not sure meeting people on the computer is a good idea) or in person are going to like you and some are not. That is just the way things are. Trying to find reasons why certain people are not going to want to talk to you is just going to drive you crazy. Not everyone can be your friend. That does not mean that there is something wrong with you though.

Back during the summer of 1994 (right after I graduated from high school) I had this job and my boss liked everyone in my department except me. For a month it drove me crazy because I could not figure out what I had done for him not to like me. I worked some extra hours for him, I went out of my way to be nice to him and yet, he still didn't like me. I actually got pretty depressed over the whole thing. Then one day I asked my friend Chris (who was two years older then me and worked in our department), "Why dosn't Mike (yeah, the guys name was Mike too) like me? What have I done to him?" And Chris said, "You haven't done anything. Not everyone is going to like you. it dosn't mean that there is anything wrong with you. It's just life." And he was right to.

Cathy, Cathy, Cathy...what am I going to do with you? I'm pretty sure that no one hates you. It is just that some people who you meet on the computer (though I'm not sure meeting people on the computer is a good idea) or in person are going to like you and some are not. That is just the way things are. Trying to find reasons why certain people are not going to want to talk to you is just going to drive you crazy. Not everyone can be your friend. That does not mean that there is something wrong with you though.

Back during the summer of 1994 (right after I graduated from high school) I had this job and my boss liked everyone in my department except me. For a month it drove me crazy because I could not figure out what I had done for him not to like me. I worked some extra hours for him, I went out of my way to be nice to him and yet, he still didn't like me. I actually got pretty depressed over the whole thing. Then one day I asked my friend Chris (who was two years older then me and worked in our department), "Why dosn't Mike (yeah, the guys name was Mike too) like me? What have I done to him?" And Chris said, "You haven't done anything. Not everyone is going to like you. it dosn't mean that there is anything wrong with you. It's just life." And he was right to.

Kick me in the butt? Just kidding. You do need a round of applause for putting up with me though.

I know. It's just that he used to like me, and now it's...I don't know. Maybe it's just that he's busy, but being a pessimist, I can't see that until I see the evidence. *sigh*

I try too hard to make people like me and have friends.

I try too hard to make people like me and have friends.
I do, too, and end up making an ass of myself. I like you, though, ur cule. :roller:

I do, too, and end up making an ass of myself. I like you, though, ur cule. :roller:

Thank ya. Ur cool too, dude. :thumbsup:

cheer up cathy i like you too i always enjoy talking to here at so and besides you cheered me up when i had a problem a few months ago. and as for finding a boyfriend i used to feel exactly the same way you do now about not having a girlfriend but when i was about 25 i finally got my first real realationship so hang in there just talking to you here i can tell that you have alot to offer the right person.

cheer up cathy i like you too i always enjoy talking to here at so and besides you cheered me up when i had a problem a few months ago. and as for finding a boyfriend i used to feel exactly the same way you do now about not having a girlfriend but when i was about 25 i finally got my first real realationship so hang in there just talking to you here i can tell that you have alot to offer the right person.
Thanks. Glad I could cheer you up. :)

This is lame, but anyway, I was thinking yesterday. Over the years, I've gotten complimented a lot on how pretty I am, either guys staring at me or people telling me. And I'm not being cocky, because I hate people who are all like, "I'm a babe and I want you to know it!" Granted, a lot of the people recently have been old people, but we'll look past that. So I'm thinking, if I'm so "pretty," then what's wrong with me? Well, there's only 2 things to a person; inside and outside. So it must be my personality. Something is wrong with it. And it must be one of those things that's not noticible right away. *shrugs* Like a oil leak you can't find.

I'm just thankful I found another place to escape my life. Here no one
really judges me. I feel like I'm more dead to the world than alive.I want
to die so badly too. But everynight I think about it and I wonder how
my parents,family members and others would feel if I really did kill myself.

I'm just thankful I found another place to escape my life. Here no one
really judges me. I feel like I'm more dead to the world than alive.I want
to die so badly too. But everynight I think about it and I wonder how
my parents,family members and others would feel if I really did kill myself.They would be more traumatized than you think. And will miss you dearly. You're more worthy and have more friends/family/support than you think. :)