One of my favorites is when Ricky and Fred caught Lucy and Ethel in Eddie Grant's hotel room.

Ricky: Lucy, you, here, dressed in that. You must be out of your mind.

Fred: Ethel, you, here, dressed in that. He must be out of his mind.

My favorite Fred line is from the Monte Carlo episode when Ricky and Fred find the money in Ethel's suitcase.

Ricky - "Fred, I'm afraid I have caught you red handed."

Fred (making fun of Ricky's English) "You did not catch me red hannit. You Cuban mush mouth."

I like....

Fred: Boy, I love dancing, but I haven't danced in so long I'm a little out of condition!
Ethel: A little out of condition!? He puffed so much it was like dancing with a steam engine.
Fred: Steam engines always puff when they're pushing a heavy load!

Fred- So you're thinkin' about gettin' Lucy a maid, huh? Ya know, that idea might be a good thing for us!
Ethel- Fred, you mean you're thinking about getting ME a maid?!?!?
Fred- No, I was thinking about hiring ya out to the Ricardo's!

Lucy- Husbands and wives should certainly find something to talk about!
Fred- Why????

Ricky- What do you know about rice?
Fred- "Well....it was thrown at me on the one of the darkest days of my life....

Ricky- Lucy due to have the baby any minute. Maybe now this very second!
Fred- Whats so unusual about that? You knew if would happen sooner or later....

Ethel- If I let my hair go like that, you'd never let me hear the end of it!
Fred- Honey Bunch, if the rest of you looked like that, I wouldn't care if you were bald!!!!

:lol:

Ricky:boy the stories about them [indians] would really make your blood cuddle.
Fred:Cuddle
Ricky:yeah Cuddle[showsFred book Blood curdling Indian tales
Fred:Oh Cuddle, I thought you meant like in the song Curdle up a little close.

Ricky: SHe better be on time tomorrow though we;re having dinner with the new buss
Fred: You're having dinner on a bus?
Ricky: No Mr. Little field, he bought The tropicana. we haveto impress him
Fred:Oh Buss I thought like what you meant what they have at the boss station

Ethel: What would happen if I cried everytime I gained a pound?
Fred: We'd be up to our ears in tears!

Ethel (dressed up like a man): How'd you see through my disguise?
Fred: What disguise?

Ethel: It's been years since you put your arm around my waist.
Fred: It's been years since my arm could fit around your waist!

I love the back and forth between Fred and Ethel. ILL would be nothing without Vivian and William.... they are the backbone of the series.

Ethel: Look at the salads!
Lucy: Look at the pastries!
Fred: Look at the prices!

One of my most favorite Fred Mertz lines comes from "Lucy Hates to Leave." He says, "Hello, Moby" while passing by the fish inside its tank on the way to Lucy's kitchen for hot mustard.


Edward

Fred: Sometimes I feel like I was married to a garbage disposal.

Ricky: Listen, Fred, I have to see my French agent so today, you can take the day off.
Fred: A day off in Paris? Hot diggity!
Ethel: You are coming on a sight-seeing tour with Lucy and me.
Fred: Cold diggity.

Ethel (to Lucy): Oh, I don't know what I'll do with you gone for two months.
Fred: Well, atleast the kitchen door and your tongue'll both get a little rest!

"I was waiting for Ethel to say Trick or Treat"

Ethel- If I let my hair go like that, you'd never let me hear the end of it!
Fred- Honey Bunch, if the rest of you looked like that, I wouldn't care if you were bald!!!!

Ethel: Look at the salads!
Lucy: Look at the pastries!
Fred: Look at the prices!

Ricky- What do you know about rice?
Fred- "Well....it was thrown at me on the one of the darkest days of my life....

:lol: :lol:

And...

Fred: Oh brother, if Ethel's trying to be glamorous she won't be ready for a week!

Ethel: Really honey, were you afraid you'd lose me?
Fred: I'll say. That outfit you're wearing is rented!

Fred: Well, let's just hope for the best.
Ricky: Dun't worry, Fred. She'll show up.
Fred: I said let's hope for the best.

Ricky: Maybe she has a sixth sense.
Fred: She might. She never had any before.

Ethel: Are you insinuating that I'm daft, loony, off my rocker, out of my head?
Fred: Well, that covers it pretty well.

Lucy: That must be my dear friend Ethel. Please, Fred, I'll open the door.
Fred: Open it? I was going to lock it!

Lucy: Oh, I'll hang it up for you, dear.
Ricky: I can do it, honey.
Lucy: No, no, no, honey. That's what wives are for.
Fred: Oh, so that's what they're for.

LOL!!!! :lol:

[At the Brown Derby in Hollywood]

Loudspeaker: Phone call for Mr. Cary Grant.
Lucy: Where?! Where?! I don’t see him!
Ethel: Oh, there he is!
Lucy: Awwwww
Loudspeaker: Phone call for Mr. Walter Pigeon.
Lucy: Where?! Where?! I don’t see him.
Fred: Will you two sit down! They probably want their privacy. They’re just people like you and me!
Loundspeaker: Phone call for Miss Lana Turner.
Fred: Where?! Where?!

These are great! Fred really makes for some great laughs.

What makes him funny is we see him alot of the time as this grumpy old man and then he comes out with these hilarious lines!!!!!

Fred Mertz: Let's just hope for the best.
Lucy Ricardo: Don't worry, Fred, Ethel'll come back.
Fred Mertz: I said let's hope for the BEST.

Ricky Ricardo: Lucy's actin' crazy.
Fred Mertz: Crazy for Lucy, or crazy for ordinary people?

Ethel Mertz: Gee, this high altitude sure gives me an appetite.
Fred Mertz: What's your excuse at sea level?

Ethel Mertz: Imagine me meeting a Queen face to face, I'm scared.
Fred Mertz: You're scared? Think of the Queen.

Ricky Ricardo: Fred, I've got an awful problem on my hands.
Fred Mertz: You should have thought about that before you married her.

Ricky Ricardo: Fred, how often is Ethel's checking account overdrawn?
Fred Mertz: Never.
Ricky Ricardo: Never? How do you manage that?
Ethel Mertz: It's easy. I never had enough money at one time to open a checking account.
Fred Mertz: She spends money like I'm printing it in the basement!

Ethel Mertz: Fred, I got a confession to make. Remember when we got married and I said I was 18. I lied. I was 19.
Fred Mertz: Well I got a confession to make too. You were 24.

Ethel Mertz: Fred, I'm sorry I said you were a dumb bunny.
Fred Mertz: And I'm sorry you're so fat you sat on my glasses and broke'em.

One of my faves

Ricky: What do you know about rice?
Fred Mertz: Well, I had it thrown at me on one of the darkest days in my life.

Fred and Ethel had the best lines. I like the rice one and this one but don't remember it exactly but it goes something like this.

Ethel: Are you suggesting I'm daft, loonie, off my rocker, out of my head?

Fred: That just about covers it.

There's a few funny lines in Ethel's Hometown Episode.
Ethel's father " Ethel Mae is big around here."
Fred: "She's big everywhere"

Ethel's Father: My daughter was popular. She could have any pick of men. They were buzzing around her
Fred: How I was the one to get stung.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[At the Brown Derby in Hollywood]

Loudspeaker: Phone call for Mr. Cary Grant.
Lucy: Where?! Where?! I don’t see him!
Ethel: Oh, there he is!
Lucy: Awwwww
Loudspeaker: Phone call for Mr. Walter Pigeon.
Lucy: Where?! Where?! I don’t see him.
Fred: Will you two sit down! They probably want their privacy. They’re just people like you and me!
Loundspeaker: Phone call for Miss Lana Turner.
Fred: Where?! Where?!


There was more,

Ethel: Remember Fred, she's people just like you and me.
Fred: She may be people, but she's not like you and me!

From 'Pregnant woman are unpredictable':'Steam engines only puff when they're carrying a heavy load':lol: :lol:

Ethel: "are you sure you want me to go fishing with you, you know how i get on water: hungry, tired, cranky....."
Fred: "whats your excuse on dry land?"

RICKY: Listen, Fred...I got an awful problem on my hands.
FRED: You should have thought of that before you married her!

:)