Here is a couple.

Q: Why did the man turn down a glass of beer and decided to climb a mountain?

A: Because he wanted to get high instead. LOL


Q: Why did the sex-crave man jump into the ocean after the animals?

A: He wanted some octopu-ss-y. LOL

I've got a long one but here it goes. Okay a blonde woman goes to an electronic store and says she wants to buy a TV. The salesman says "Sorry, we don't sell items to dumb blondes." She goes home and dyes it brown. She goes back to the store and points out the same thing. Once again the salesman says, "Sorry, we don't sell items to dumb blondes." She goes home again, and dyes it red. She goes back again and points out the same item she wants. Once again the salesman says, "I'm sorry we don't sell items to dumb blondes." This time the woman says "How do you know that I'm blonde?" The salesman says "That's not a TV, it's a toaster."

An immigrant arrives in this country speaking no English. He feels the best way to learn is to buy a television set and watch American TV. So he buys one and hooks it up to the cable-ready jack in his apartment. He starts watching different channels.

He watches a PBS documentary on the staging of an opera. An opera singer is shown warming up, singing "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!"

Next he watches the Game Show Network, where he hears an announcer yell, "A new car! And a trip to Miami Beach!"

Then he tunes into TV Land, where a "Leave it to Beaver" episode is playing. "Ahh, shuddup, squirt," says Eddie Haskell, "or I'll split your lip open!"

Then he tunes into MTV while a Nazareth video is playing. He hears Dan McCafferty sing, "Now yo' meesin' with a sonabitch!"

He changes the channel one more time and catches and old "Batman" episode, where he hears the theme song. "Da na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na, Batman!"

He then goes outside to try out the English he's learned. As he steps out of the apartment building, a policeman approaches him. "Sir," the policeman says, "a man who lives in this building was robbed of his money - $100,000 in cash. Do you know who did it?"

The immigrant replies, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!"

"You?" the policeman says. "What did you do it for?"

"A new car!" the immigrant says. "And a trip to Miami Beach!"

"Young man," the policeman replies, "you've committed a major crime. You're in serious trouble."

"Ahh, shuddup, squirt," says the immigrant, "or I'll split your lip open!"

"Don't talk like that to me!' the policeman exclaims. "You don't know whom you're dealing with!"

"Now yo' messin' with a sonabitch!" the immigrant says.

"That's it, the policeman says. "You're under arrest." He handcuffs the immigrant and leads him away. "Boy," he tells him, "I'd like to know who you think you are!"

The immigrant replies, "Da na na na na na na na, BATMAN!"

:batman: :lol: :banana: :mango

Q: Why did the Korean guy eat dinner with the black folks?

A: He thought they were having "Seoul Food" LOL

A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day she calls home and a strange woman answers.
Wife: Who is this?
Maid: This is the maid.
Wife: We don't have a maid.
Maid: Um, I was hired this morning by the man of the house.
Wife: Well, this is his wife. Is he there?
Maid: He's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I assumed was his wife.
The wife is fuming.
Wife: "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?
Maid: Of course! What will I have to do?
Wife: I want you to take my gun from the desk and shoot him and the woman he's with.
The maid puts the phone down. The wife hears footsteps, then gunshots, then more footsteps.
Maid: What do I do with the bodies?
Wife: Just drag them out and throw them in the swimming pool.
Maid: There's no pool here.
A long pause.......
Wife: Is this 832-4821?

how many dead babies does it take to paint a house?
depends how hard you throw them

Q: What ethnicity is Tiger Woods?

A: A black-a-nese

:rofl: There all histerical.

Q: Why did the black man get rid of his radio and typewriter at his job in front of his white bosses?

A: HE didn't want no more STEREOTYPES.

What do you call bread made by a bison?




















































































































Buffaloaf! :rofl:

What do you call bread made by a bison?















































































































Buffaloaf! :rofl:That was cute, Pleasant Tomorrow! :lol:

That was cute, Pleasant Tomorrow! :lol:
Thanks, I got it from a popsicle stick. :)

What's more disgusting than a dead baby in a garbage can?
a dead baby in two garbage cans

Q: why did the guy go to work wearing a blue polo shirt


















A: he felt like wearing a blue polo shirt

Q - Why did the chicken cross the stream?

A - Because he was duct-taped to a salmon.

Q: why did the guy go to work wearing a blue polo shirt


















A: he felt like wearing a blue polo shirt

:clap:

Abe Vigoda and Erik Estrada are starring in a new TV show. . . "Fish and CHiPs!" :lol:

A blonde calls her boyfriend and begs him to come over, "Baby, please come over, i'm having a really hard time w/ this puzzle! I can't figure it out!"

So begrudegly, the boyfriend gets his things together and heads over to his girlfriend's house. "Honey, what's up?"
"Look at this puzzle... it's going to be soo pretty. Look at the box, it's going to be a big tiger. I'm so excited, but it's so hard, please help me."

The boyfriend just drops his head. "Honey, that puzzle is never going to look like that tiger on the box; no matter how hard you try. Now help me put Frosted Flakes back in the box

Not a joke, but funny. Click on the first download about Leno making fun of Michael Jackson showing up for court in his PJs.


http://www.nbc.com/nbc/The_Tonight_Show_with_Jay_Leno/monologues/index.shtml#first

An immigrant arrives in this country speaking no English. He feels the best way to learn is to buy a television set and watch American TV. So he buys one and hooks it up to the cable-ready jack in his apartment. He starts watching differnt channels.

He wathces a PBS documentary on the staging of an opera. An opera soinger is shown wamring up, singing "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!"

Next he watches the Game Show network, where he hears an announcer yell, "A new car! And a trip to Miami Beach!"

Then he tunes into TV Land, where a "Leave it to Beaver" episode is playing. "Ahh, shuddup, squirt," says Eddie Haskell, "or I'll split your lip open!"

Then he tunes into MTV while a Nazareth video is playing. He hears Dan McCafferty sing, "Now yo' meesin' with a sonabitch!"

He changes the channel one more time and catches and old "Batman" episode, where he hears the theme song. "Da na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na, Batman!"

He then goes outside to try out the English he's learned. As he steps out of the apartment building, a policeman approaches him. "Sir," the policeman says, "a man who lives in this building was robbed of his money - $100,000 in cash. Do you know who did it?"

The immigrant replies, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!"

"You?" the policeman says. "What did you do it for?"

"A new car!" the immigrant says. "And a trip to Miami Beach!"

"Young man," the policeman replies, "you've committed a major crime. Yopu're in serious trouble."

"Ahh, shuddup, squirt," says the immigrant, "or I'll split your lip open!"

"Don't talk like that to me!' the policeman exclaims. "You don't know whom you're dealing with!"

"Now yo' messin' with a sonabitch!" the immigrant says.

"That's it, the policeman says. "You're under arrest." He handcuffs the immigrant and leads him away. "Boy," he tells him, "I'd like to know who you think you are!"

The immigrant replies, "Da na na na na na na na, BATMAN!"

:batman: :lol: :banana: :mango


:lol: :lol: That was great.

Abe Vigoda and Erik Estrada are starring in a new TV show. . . "Fish and CHiPs!" :lol:
That's a good one!

What is another name for sissy music?

Punk Rock.

Rodney Dangerfield;" I get no respect! When I was born the doctor slapped my mother" :lol:

Benson got tired of watching the governer's mansion, so he called up Nell Carter because he needed her to Give Him a Break!

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

A statistician from the Department of Agriculture walks up to a farmer watching over his sheep at the edge of a field. The statistician says, "If I guess how many sheep you have," he asks the farmer, "will you let me have one?"

"Sure," says the farmer. How many do I have?"

"Eighty-one."

"That's amazing!" the farmer replies. "How did you know that?"

The statistician says nothing, but walks into the field and takes the first animal he sees, holding it under his arm. As he returns to the farmer, the farmer says, "I'll tell you what. If I can correctly guess whom you work for, can I have that animal back?"

"Sure," the statistician says. "Whom do I work for?"

"You work for the government," the farmer replies.

"That's amazing!" the statistician replies. "How did you know that?"

The farmer replies, "Because that's not a sheep you have there - that's my dog you're holding!"

:lol:

:rotflmao: to all these

I got one , inspired by Steve's first one

An immigrant wants to go ut on a date, yet he dfoesnt know any English, so he truns on the TV

First he watches TV Land and a Happy Days episode comes on, and the Fonz says "Aaaaaaaaaaay!!"

Then he turns to AMC a Dirty Harry movie comes on and he says "Go ahead, make my day"

Then he turns on HBO, Johnny Dangerously comes on Roman Moroni says "You bastiges!"

THen he hears a guy outside saying "Ill bust a cap in yo ass"


Then he turns AMC back on hears James BOnd saying "Shaken not stirred"

Then he truns back on TV Land, CHeers comes on and eveyrone says "Norm!"

Then he turns on E! SNL is on and John Belushi keeps saying "Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger, CHeeseburger, Cheeseburger"

The he truns on Fox, The Simpsons comes on and Homer says "Doh!"

Then he turns on an old music video station and hears Vincnet Price's laugh at the end of Thriller

Then he goes to pick up his date


His date says "Hey"
The immigrnat replies "Aaaaaaay!!!"

They are driving to a restraunt, someone almost runs into them

THe immigrant says "You bastiges!!!!"

Then they finally get to a restraunt

The waiter comes to the table , he asks what they would like to eat


The IMiigrant replies
"CHeeseburger, cheeseburger cheeseburger, cheeseburger pepsi"

The waiter then asks "How would you like the Pepsi?"

The Immigrnat repleid "Shaken not stirred"

The waiter then says "Okay, what is your name?"
\
The immigrnat replies "Norm!"

The waiter says "Ill be right back "

The immigrnat replies "GO ahead, make my day"

The date says "Hold on ive got to go to the bathroom"

THe immigrnat replies " Ill bust a cap in yo ass"

THe date says : Excuse me? Ill be right back OK?

The immigrant says : Doh! Hasta la vista baby

As the date walks away the immigrnat does the VIncnet Price Laugh

American jokes told in Poland:

Q: What do you call an intellectual in America?
A: A foreign tourist.

Q: How many people does it take to screw in an American light bulb?
A: Two - one to screw in the light blub, and one to find one that isn't defective.

Q: Three Santa Clauses are standing on a street corner. Which one is the American Santa Claus?

A: The one with the Easter basket.

A kangaroo hops into an ice cream parlor and sits at the counter. "I'll have an ice cream sundae, please," he tells the soda jerk.

The skeptical soda jerk asks him if he has any money.

"Of course," says the kangaroo, producing a ten-dollar bill.

"Okay, then," says the soda jerk," one sundae coming up!" He takes the ten-dollar bill and begins to make the sundae.

"Don't I get any change?" the Kangaroo asks.

"No," the soda jerk answers. "Our ice cream sundaes are exactly ten dollars."

The soda jerk gives the kangaroo his sundae and watches as he eats it. "You know," the soda jerk says, "we don't get many kangaroos in here."

The kangaroo looks up from his sundae. "No wonder," he replies, "with the prices you charge!"

:lol: :rofl:

What cartoon dog was taking a sh-it on the toilet?

Scooby Doo-Doo. LOL

A French joke told in Great Britain. . . .

In the beginning, God created France.

On the first day, God created the golden beaches along the Mediterranean.

On the second day, He created the majestic Alps.

On the third day, He created the lush, rolling hills and grape vines of Bordeaux.

On the fourth day, He created the green, expansive Loire Valley.

On the fifth day, He created the fertile wheat fields of Provence.

On the sixth day, God then created the mighty Seine River.

As God rested on the seventh day, He realized that He had given too many wonderful things to a single country. So, on the eighth day, God compensated for it by creating the French.

THere were two kids named Trouble and Shut Up. One day Trouble got lost in the mall and Shut Up went to a police man to help look for him.

Shut Up: Help me help me my brother is lost!

Policeman: What is your name young man?

Shut Up: Shut Up

Policeman: Are you looking for trouble?

Shut Up: Yeah I just told you that.l


Yes I know incredibly lame...

A guy goes to the pharmicist in search of a condom.An assistant offers to help him,and gives him a small size to try first.
The man comes back,and explains it didn't fit.
The next size up didn't fit either.
After trying several more sizes,the man continued to claim that none of them fit.Finally,the assistant decided to see what the man was up to,and she found him trying to pull the condom over his head.
"Oh No sir,thats not how you use that",she interrupted.
The man turned to her and said,"I know.I was invited to a fancy dress party and i'm going as a dick.


Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was
empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze
in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching
you!"

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward
again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened.
Frantically,he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a
bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.

He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching
me?"

"Yes", said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then asked the parrot,
"What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot", sneered the burglar. "What
idiot named you Clarence?"

The parrot replied, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiler
Jesus."


A koaloa picks up a hooker in a bar,takes her home and after some passionate love making,the koala wants to leave.
The prostitute asked where he was going,and then took out a dictionary and showed the koala the defintion of prostitute "Someone who performs sexual services for money".
The koala responded by showing the woman the defintion of koala: EATS BUSH AND LEAVES.

A man dies and ends up hell which he is extremely depressed about.
The devil approaches him one day and attempts to cheer him up.
"I'm in hell",the man responded.
"Hells not all that bad",the devil replied.Here look,do you like gambling?
"Yeah",the guy responded.
"Well on Monday we all gamble.Its gambling night".
The man perks up about it.
The devil kept talking.
"And do you like smoking?"
The man nodded.
"On tuesday its smoking night".
The man was beginning to cheer up.
"And no matter what you do,you dont have to worry about dying because you're already dead!,Satan exclaimed.
"Do you like drugs,because wednesday is the night we do drugs"
He continued.
"And thursday night is drinking night".
The man certainly felt better now.
Then Satan said,"Are you gay?"
The man shouted,"NO!"
"Oh well you're gonna hate fridays then".

THere were two kids named Trouble and Shut Up. One day Trouble got lost in the mall and Shut Up went to a police man to help look for him.

Shut Up: Help me help me my brother is lost!

Policeman: What is your name young man?

Shut Up: Shut Up

Policeman: Are you looking for trouble?

Shut Up: Yeah I just told you that.l


Yes I know incredibly lame...
:rofl: ahahaha.

THere were two kids named Trouble and Shut Up. One day Trouble got lost in the mall and Shut Up went to a police man to help look for him.

Shut Up: Help me help me my brother is lost!

Policeman: What is your name young man?

Shut Up: Shut Up

Policeman: Are you looking for trouble?

Shut Up: Yeah I just told you that.l


Yes I know incredibly lame...

Along the lines of this joke. . . .

Mr. and Mrs. Brown sired a baby boy. They thought he was a fantastic little baby - so much, they wanted to give him a unique first name. They couldn't think of one, but since they thought he was fantastic, they decided to name him just that - Fantastic.

Fantastic Brown led a great life. He was the most popular boy in junior high, captain of the high school basketball team, and president of the student government in college. He graduated from college with honors, married his childhood sweetheart, had two wonderful sons that emulated their father, and became a respected CEO of a Fortune 500 company. The one thing Fantastic Brown hated about his life was his name.

Anwyay, when he retired, he and his wife moved to Hilton Head Island to live out their lives and entertain their grandchildren during the holidays. On his deathbed, Fantastic Brown had two requests. He asked his wife to bury him in his hometown, and also not to include his first name, which he hated, on his headstone. Mrs. Brown agreed. When he died, she had the headstone inscribed "BROWN," but thought it was too plain. So she decided to add a complimentary sentence to it - "During his marriage, he never looked at another woman."

To this day, when people passing visiting the cemetery read that inscription, they always say, "FANTASTIC!!" :lol: :lol:

A Texan visits an Australian ranch. His Australian host shows him his horse.

"Why, we've got bigger horses than that in Texas," says the Texan.

The Australian shows him a cow. "Why, we've got bigger cattle than that in the Lone Star State," says the Texan.

Just then, on the other side of the fence, a kangaroo hops by.

"What was that?" asks the Texan.

"That?" answers the Australian. "Oh, nothing, mate - just one of our pesky little grasshoppers." :lol:

I'm not sure if I'm going to get this exactly but here goes:

A blonde was walking her 2 new dogs and somebody asked her what their names were.

She says "Their names are Timex & Rolex".

He says "Those are unusual names. What made you name them that?"

The blonde says, "Well, duh, because they're watch dogs"!

Another French joke told in Great Britain -

Q: Why do French roads have rows of trees on either side?
A: So the German army can march in the shade!

ED: My wife's going to the West Indies.

FRED: Jamaica?

ED: No, it's strictly her own idea.

:rotflmao:

I heard this on the radio and I thought it was cute but my brother didn't get it.

A lady's house is on fire and she calls the fire department. She's yelling, "Help, help, come quick, my house is on fire"!

The fireman says, "OK, ma'am, we'll get there as fast as we can, now how do we get to your house?"

The lady replies, "Don't you still have that big red truck?"

Almost sounds like it could be a blonde joke.

:rotflmao: ED: My wife's going to the West Indies.

FRED: Jamaica?

ED: No, it's strictly her own idea.

:rotflmao:

This one's kinda corny. My bro told me it.

What do you get when you put a blonde in the freezer? Frosted Flakes.

51 Days

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day,
when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant
blonds. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of
champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit
down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses
are filled and they begin toasting and chanting,
"51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Soon, three more blonds arrive, take up their drinks
and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two
more blonds show up and soon their voices are joined in
raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Finally, the tenth blond comes in with a picture under
her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture
in the middle and the table erupts.

Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table,
exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting
"51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so
he walks over to the table. There in the center is a
beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster.

When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender
asks one of the blonds, "What's all the chanting and
celebration about?"

The blond who brought in the picture pipes
in, "Everyone thinks that blonds are dumb and they make
fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight.
Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it
together. The side of the box said 2-4 years,
but we put it together in 51 days!"

>>>FUNERAL PROCESSION:
>>>(DON'T SKIP THE PRAYER AT THE END...ITS PRICELESS!)
>>>A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she
>>>noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby
>>>cemetery.
>>>A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50
>>>feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman
>>>walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were
>>>about 200 women walking single file.
>>>The woman couldn't stand her curiosity. She respectfully approached the
>>>woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss", I know
>>>now
>>>is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this.
>>>Whose funeral is it?"
>>>"My husband's."
>>>"What happened to him?"
>>>The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."
>>>She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"
>>>The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband
>>>when the dog turned on her."
>>>A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.
>>>"Can I borrow the dog?"
>>>"Get in line."
>>>
>>>_______________________________________________________
>>>A Woman's Prayer:
>>>Dear Lord, I pray for:
>>>Wisdom, To understand a man.
>>>Love, To forgive him and;
>>>Patience, For his moods.
>>>Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength
>>>I'll just beat him to death.

The Toronto City Hall was designed by Vilyko Revell, an architect from Finland. The City Hall is a pair of two concave towers facing each other, one shorter than the other. Why is one shorter? According to Steve Martin, the construction crew was building the shorter tower when one of the workers asked Revell what part of Sweden he was from.

Revell replied, "I'm Finnish!"

So all the workers packed up and went home! :lol:

Q: What do you get when you place ducks in a crate?
A: A box of quackers.

:p

knock-knock

It was sixty years ago yesterday that Adolf Hitler had his mistress blow his brains out, which brings to mind this very joke the late Jesse Owens used to tell:

Adolf Hitler went to his astrologer on August 31, 1939, the day before he launched his invasion of Poland. "If I go ahead and invade Poland," he asked his astrologer, "will there be war?"

"There will be war - it will be another world war," the astrologer replied. "It will last six years."

"Will Germany win?" Hitler asked.

The astrologer shok his head. "Germany will lose," he answered. Germany will surrender after Italy and before Japan."

"Will I live or die?"

"You will die," replied the astrologer, "eight days before Germany surrenders."

"What day will I die on?" Hitler asked.

"You will die on a Jewish holiday," the astrologer replied.

Hitler spat on the ground at such news. "Which Jewish holiday?" he demanded to know.

"Well," the astrologer replied, "it's not a holiday yet. But whatever day you die on will become a Jewish holiday!"

Mommie Why?.........

One day a little boy went up to his mother and asked her, "Mom how old are you"? all she said was oh you dont need to know that right now. So the little boy asked another question.

"Mom how much do you weigh"? Again she said you dont need to know that right now. So then the little boy asked "Mommie why did you and dad get a divorce"? And her response was the same. The next day the little boy came up to his mom again and said oh mommie I found your drivers licence. I know how much you weigh now. The mother asked how much and the little boy said 150. Then he said and I know how old you are. you're 45. Then he said and I now know why you and daddy got a divorce. She said oh yeah. He said because you got an F in sex!

Mommie Why?.........

One day a little boy went up to his mother and asked her, "Mom how old are you"? all she said was oh you dont need to know that right now. So the little boy asked another question.

"Mom how much do you weigh"? Again she said you dont need to know that right now. So then the little boy asked "Mommie why did you and dad get a divorce"? And her response was the same. The next day the little boy came up to his mom again and said oh mommie I found your drivers licence. I know how much you weigh now. The mother asked how much and the little boy said 150. Then he said and I know how old you are. you're 45. Then he said and I now know why you and daddy got a divorce. She said oh yeah. He said because you got an F in sex!
:rofl:

Well, Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called 'Yam.'
Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.
When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.
They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!
But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.
She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.
When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland. And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries.
And when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.
Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'
Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.
But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.
Tom Brokaw!
Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.
They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw


because he's just.......

Are you ready for this?

Are you sure?


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OK! Here it is!


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A COMMON TATER

A motorist driving through the countrry comes to a fork in the road. He wants to take the right fork, but he isn't sure the road is paved well enough. Seeing a farmer sitting by the junction, he asks him, "Can I get to Montgomeryville if I bear right?"

"Why, of course you can," the farmer replies.

The motorist takes the right fork, and soon he's driving down a road full of potholes and bumps. The potholes do a number on his tires and dislocate his axles. A bump sends his car flying into a muddy ditch.

The motorist returns to the junction on foot, covered in mud, and finds the farmer still sitting there. "I thought you said I could get to Montogmeryville that way!" he says angrily, pointing down the road he'd travelled on.

"You can," the farmer replies. "But I didn't say it was easy!"

:lol:

:racist:

The End.

A motorist driving through the country comes up to a large puddle in the middle of the road. Seeing a farmer sitting by the side of the puddle, he asks the farmer if he can drive through.

The farmer says he can, so the motorist drives right through. . . and he and his car are quickly underwater in seconds.

The motorist manages to get out of the car and wade out of the puddle. Soaking wet, he confronts the farmer. "What made you think I could drive through that puddle?" he angrily asks.

"Well," the farmer explains, lowering the palm of his hand to the ground, "the water only came up to here on the ducks!"

:lol:

Yo Mama so short, she did a suicide jump off the curb.

Yo mama so poor her bathroom is 3 boxes down on the left.


Yo mama so stupid, she sold her car for gas money



You so poor, thieves break into your house and leaves things.


You might be a redneck if you refer to 4th grade as you're senior year.



Q: What do you call a person who can sit on ice cream and tell the flavor?
A: A smartass