"Wait, does he eat chalk?" "Now we need the semen of a righteous man." "Okay now I'm gonna kick some a**!!" "You know, if we were in prison, you guys would be, like, my b+++++s." "See? He's her lobster." "Where are you going, Mr. Suity Man?" "Stop being so tetosterony!"
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Ross: "Hi." Joey: "This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself." :happyface

Phoebe: Chandler still thinks I'm pregnant and he hasn't asked me how I'm feeling or offered to carry my bags. I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him.

Phoebe: [Right after playing a song in the coffee shop ] If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.

[After Monica gets a disastrous haircut.]
Ross: How's Monica?
Phoebe: She's calmed down a bit. I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling. Ross: How's the hair?
Phoebe: I'm not gonna lie to you Ross. It doesn't look good.
Joey: Can we see her?
Phoebe: No, your hair looks too good. I think it would only upset her.
Rachel: Oh.
Phoebe: Ross, you can go on in.


Chandler: It's been a while since we've yelled something...Maybe we should...No!
Phoebe: What? No! D@mn you ref! Burn in he11!


Phoebe: (entering from Rachel's room, wearing a huge bow to cover the hummus stain) Okay, I'm ready.
Ross and Chandler: Oh, aaaah!
Phoebe: Rachel, didn't have anything that I liked, so, but she had this Christmas ribbon, and I thought, 'All right, fine I'll be political.'
Chandler: What are you supporting?
Phoebe: Duh!! Christmas!

"You dated a guy with a glass eye too?"

"If I let go of my hair my head will fall off." "Oh no, don't hate, you'll put that out in the universe." "And-and girls this thing is a Godsend if you know what I mean." "For 99 cents I'd eat you." "In the cab, on the way over...Steve blazed up a doobie."