View Full Version : Inevitible Guilt that's Heartbreaking


swedeace
01-22-2005, 09:12 PM
I realize I don't post many personal threads or even feel I know very many people individually here, but I just had to post this as it tears me up completely....

To make a lonnnnnnnng story short, here's the rundown of how my life has been going for this past awful year for me:

My parents were separated in April 2000 because my dad was being a jerk and not treating my mom right for previous years to that. So authorities had to step in after one simple phone call. My dad is in his 70s (yes - MUCH older) and my mom in her 50s.

My dad carried on living on his own place. Then, he was being much less active (doesn't work, drank, not nourishing himself well, etc). My sister and I would stop visiting him because we were sick of his behavior and attitude. Eventually, the calls and visits would be far and in between. In fact, the last stretch of time I have called/visited him was from last July 2004 to December 2004 - I called him for Christmas.

It wasn't until my Californian aunt (my dad's sister) calls me on Friday, January 7, 2005 informing my dad had a heart attack and fell and hit his head. He was bleeding and had to have been taken in by an ambulance by their brother.

My sister and I visited him just after surgery, and it was difficult for him to talk and was quite incoherent.

It felt like my life had changed totally.... I know wanted to be near my dad's side taking care of him so he gets better, and so I can sit and talk-talk with him. I figured this will be like this for the rest of his life, since he is 74.

He's been transferred over to a nursing center/rehab place last night, and this morning my mom and I went to visit and talk. My dad was talking more and more!! I was getting hopeful!!

Then, my aunt calls a few hours ago and tells me he's got an infection in his brain from the blood clot and with the pnenomia and his not eating well (against his wishes to be fed through the stomach and through the nose - which could help him!!), he's getting weaker. It's then estimated he only has TWO weeks to live. I about lost it!

I felt so guilty for not listening to my mom when she would say "Go and visit your dad! Make him food and visit him!" I just rolled my eyes from all my past hidden anger, and now life bites me in the butt!!! This SUCKS!

What do I do now? I know this is life, but I just wish for a simple miracle. :(

*Pleasant Tomorrow*
01-22-2005, 09:15 PM
Oh God, I'm sorry :( I have a bad relationship with my dad and fear something like that happening someday when I'm older. I guess the best thing is to see him as much as you can now. I hope he does get better, though.

swedeace
01-22-2005, 09:17 PM
Thank you, Pleasent Tomorrow. *hugs*

Yes, please DON'T take your dad for granted. Just ignoring and everything will tear you up inside. Make amends today, please.

Dutabi84
01-22-2005, 09:23 PM
That's the worst possible news anyone can be told. :( But don't feel guilty, that won't get you anywhere. Just take advantage of what time you have left. I too hope he has a miracle, but it's important for you two to be on good terms when he inevitable does leave. And when you're with him, treat every moment like it might be your last.

Anyway, best of luck to you and your family.

Hollow
01-22-2005, 09:27 PM
Oh God, I'm sorry :( I have a bad relationship with my dad and fear something like that happening someday when I'm older.
omg, me too.

Michael [hXc]
01-22-2005, 09:36 PM
my dad and i don't have a close relationship but i love him and everything. that's awful :(

Kazza
01-22-2005, 09:45 PM
Forgive yourself and forgive him

Janet McFarland
01-22-2005, 09:55 PM
Oh wow I'm so sorry :( That does suck. Well take advantage of the situation. Everytime you're with him just spend it like it's your last moment together. I guess just be there for him and be calm around him. He will be in my prayers. *hugs*

MissZero
01-22-2005, 10:38 PM
I'm so sorry :( I hope everything turns out for the best :bighug:

Warm & Fuzzy
01-22-2005, 10:48 PM
:bighug: Don't feel guilty.

Janice
01-22-2005, 10:55 PM
I'm sorry about your father. Your strained relationship with him certainly compounds your feelings. The best thing is to be there for him now.

dandelion wine
01-22-2005, 11:07 PM
:( I'm so sorry. Just be there for him and don't be hard on yourself. I wish the best for you, and your father.

:bighug:

swedeace
01-23-2005, 08:54 AM
Thank you all for your kind, kind words, prayers and thoughts. *hugs*

I could not sleep a wink at all. I made myself sick by vomiting, and it just hurts thinking too much. Going to work will be quite difficult. I only told one co-worker about my dad, but I'd have to tell the others.

My mom and I will go and visit him later. I haven't eaten/drank anything in hours, but I cannot keep anything down either. This is quite diffcult to consume..... I feel I do not have enough energy. I don't want to eat or drink anything, but I feel my throat is dehydrated. I can't even sleep or close my eyes. My aunt's words are playing back to me in a haunting manner. I feel like a sleepless mummy....

This is all such a nightmare....

Janet McFarland
01-23-2005, 02:54 PM
Thank you all for your kind, kind words, prayers and thoughts. *hugs*

I could not sleep a wink at all. I made myself sick by vomiting, and it just hurts thinking too much. Going to work will be quite difficult. I only told one co-worker about my dad, but I'd have to tell the others.

My mom and I will go and visit him later. I haven't eaten/drank anything in hours, but I cannot keep anything down either. This is quite diffcult to consume..... I feel I do not have enough energy. I don't want to eat or drink anything, but I feel my throat is dehydrated. I can't even sleep or close my eyes. My aunt's words are playing back to me in a haunting manner. I feel like a sleepless mummy....

This is all such a nightmare....

Aww well we're here for you. Hang in there :bighug:

swedeace
01-27-2005, 08:24 PM
Thank you all again for your kind words!

I am feeling a lot better because I have the chance to help care for my dad at his apartment where he will be more comfortable. I do not want my dad to suffer either, so this will help ease and prepare for the future.

So I appreciate everyone's kindest words. :wave:

Lee
01-27-2005, 08:38 PM
I hope your father does not die and I hope you two can begin a new
relationship.

TheGreatPretender
01-27-2005, 08:47 PM
I'm so sorry :( . At least now you and your dad have the chance to sort things out and talk. And don't feel bad, it's not like you knew this would happen to him. I'm sure he knows that you love him and are willing to work things out. We're here for you.:hug:

MissZero
01-27-2005, 08:50 PM
I'm glad that he's doing well enough to come home.