I guess I haven't updated you guys about my eating, lately... god, you guys must be sick and tired of hearing about this... but, gosh, I seriously think I'm gonna break down.. that is, if I haven't ALREADY. Several weeks ago, I thought I had this eating disorder beat... I thought I had everything under control. I was in the process of giving up calorie-counting and eating like a normal person. I had gone 28 days without bingeing, or obsessing too much about food. I was doing great. I had lost 10 pounds. I thought my life was turning around. i thought I would be happy again. But then, two weeks ago, my parents brought me to a buffet, and it has just been down hill from there. That 6,000 cals just didn't cut it. I couldn't take it... I still can't take it. So yeah, last night I had a major binge, and it continued on till this afternoon... and it is STILL continuing on.... I've eaten all the foods listed below... the same amount of cals I would normally have in FOUR days... and it's only 4:00 pm!!!!! [edited] .... and I am still going. I'm full as hell, my stomach's bloated... my sides are hurting, my heart is pounding... I've tried purging, but gave up.... I'm a mess. But i STILL intend to eat more.... because that's how stupid I am. I'm stuffed like hell.. but I STILL want to continue eating. I plan to have pizza later... What a loser, OMG, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Why do I do this to myself?? Please help me out, I don't know what to do with myself.. I'm so disgusted..

noodles w/ soup (.75 quart): 500
EDY's Orange Sherbet Ice Cream w/ Chocolate Chips: (4.5 cups): 1350
bread: 200
peanut butter: 450
Jelly: 200
raisin bread: 200
Frosted animal crackers: 300
Corn Flakes: 200
Milk (2 cups): 300
Babe Ruth Bar (33% larger than conventional size): 310
Kit Kat (33% larger than conventional size): 310
100 Grand (33% larger than conventional size): 360
Sesame beef patty: 1300
pound cake: 500

total: 8803 [edited]

All I've eaten so far today is a hotdog.

I havnt eaten yet...I was thinking of getting some cereal or something...


I would try to say something to help you, but I really dont get the intense urge to food people have...and what the **** were your parents thinking taking you to a buffet?






edit: and holy ****, that was more than one peanutbutter and jelly sandwhich, because you know, if that much was in one...well...jesus christ (I eat those alot)


how many was that?

Wow, that's a lot of calories. Try to do something to get your mind off food, maybe going shopping? Have you considered diet pills? Or maybe something that will help with supressing your appetite, but I dunno you say you're stuffed. I would say to talk to a therapist or something, but i'm just a lil person online to you and probably wouldn't have any impact. And I really have no room to talk, I don't care too much about my health and yet I try to preach stuff about it.

I also have an eating disorder, except mine is with being obsessed with not eating and trying to lose weight. I'm starting to doubt it's anorexia, because I don't consider myself fat anymore, I'm just obsessed with weight loss. I also tend to go on diets with fast food, lol. I don't do healthy diets. I have a weird heart beat, definitely something wrong with me yet I bought diet pills yesterday. Stacker 2, though it's ephedra free I did buy asthma medication with ephedrine to mix with it. I hope I don't get a heart attack! I'm trying to get down to 90lbs, but I know I won't be satisfied.

I know it's hard to get your mind off things, because when you try to do that it just makes you concentrate on it more. Whenever my OCD is getting really stessful (some days are worse than others) I just force myself to go to sleep. If you're having a bad day with overeating, maybe you could try to sleep or... I dunno.

Originally posted by ThirteenInchEscape
I havnt eaten yet...I was thinking of getting some cereal or something...


I would try to say something to help you, but I really dont get the intense urge to food people have...and what the **** were your parents thinking taking you to a buffet?






edit: and holy ****, that was more than one peanutbutter and jelly sandwhich, because you know, if that much was in one...well...jesus christ (I eat those alot)


how many was that? That was more than one PBJ sandwich. More like 2.5 or so.

Ive been like that all week! I think because Ive had the week off for vaca, Ive been sitting on the comp. most of the time just noshing on foods. Thing is.. Ill go to the kitchen to get a snack, but I come back with 4. Ill be full but eat it anyways!

Originally posted by Kristina
Wow, that's a lot of calories. Try to do something to get your mind off food, maybe going shopping? Have you considered diet pills? Or maybe something that will help with supressing your appetite, but I dunno you say you're stuffed. I would say to talk to a therapist or something, but i'm just a lil person online to you and probably wouldn't have any impact. And I really have no room to talk, I don't care too much about my health and yet I try to preach stuff about it.

I also have an eating disorder, except mine is with being obsessed with not eating and trying to lose weight. I'm starting to doubt it's anorexia, because I don't consider myself fat anymore, I'm just obsessed with weight loss. I also tend to go on diets with fast food, lol. I don't do healthy diets. I have a weird heart beat, definitely something wrong with me yet I bought diet pills yesterday. Stacker 2, though it's ephedra free I did buy asthma medication with ephedrine to mix with it. I hope I don't get a heart attack! I'm trying to get down to 90lbs, but I know I won't be satisfied.

I know it's hard to get your mind off things, because when you try to do that it just makes you concentrate on it more. Whenever my OCD is getting really stessful (some days are worse than others) I just force myself to go to sleep. If you're having a bad day with overeating, maybe you could try to sleep or... I dunno. Heya, Kris. :) Funny you should mention sleep. I just fell asleep a few minutes ago, LOL. As for taking my mind off food? See, that's the thing is... I have problems. I CAN'T take my mind off food, and I don't have an appetite... not at ALL.. I just... eat, sigh. I'm a binge eater with anorexic and bulimic tendancies. I admit it. Sometimes I'll fast, sometimes I'll throw up or whatever.... it's a mess. It's so strong of an obsession it's insane. It has totally gone out of control. As for diet pills? I don't believe in them. I am pro-health, pro-recovery, so I would never take them. I am TRYING so hard here to turn things around, it isn't working...

As for YOU, missy, 90 lbs would be considered underweight for someone of your height. YOU don't need to diet, nor do you need to lose any weight!!! And diet pills aren't the way to go, they do a whole lot more worse to your body than better. Don't take them. I would flush them down the toilet if I were you. If you want to lose weight, do it the conventional way. Use the healthy approach or you'll be sorry. Don't mean to be blunt, but I only speak the truth. You don't want to turn into me, okay? I started off with a diet, too. Now look at me. Learn from it.

Also....eating disorders aren't always about weight, tho that plays a major role. Many anorexics don't even want to be skinny... they use it as an excuse for the things they do because there's no excuse otherwise. ED's lie much deeper than weight. I can finally admit that food for me is a coping mechanism... I can't live without it. Which is why I can't NOT focus on it. It soothes the soul... and tho it's physically uncomfortable to eat so much, it's emotionally satisfying. It makes me feel like I'm on the top of the world.... for a moment. But this feeling is almost immeaditely replaced by feelings of guilt... which is why then I go back for more... and more and more. I am often depressed and angry, and food is my key to "happiness."

Just binged on some sesame pancake/beef thingies......... 6030 cals. Just great. And its only 3:30!!!!!! :mad: :mad:

Originally posted by Kristina
Wow, that's a lot of calories. Try to do something to get your mind off food, maybe going shopping? Have you considered diet pills? Or maybe something that will help with supressing your appetite, but I dunno you say you're stuffed. I would say to talk to a therapist or something, but i'm just a lil person online to you and probably wouldn't have any impact. And I really have no room to talk, I don't care too much about my health and yet I try to preach stuff about it.

I also have an eating disorder, except mine is with being obsessed with not eating and trying to lose weight. I'm starting to doubt it's anorexia, because I don't consider myself fat anymore, I'm just obsessed with weight loss. I also tend to go on diets with fast food, lol. I don't do healthy diets. I have a weird heart beat, definitely something wrong with me yet I bought diet pills yesterday. Stacker 2, though it's ephedra free I did buy asthma medication with ephedrine to mix with it. I hope I don't get a heart attack! I'm trying to get down to 90lbs, but I know I won't be satisfied.

I know it's hard to get your mind off things, because when you try to do that it just makes you concentrate on it more. Whenever my OCD is getting really stessful (some days are worse than others) I just force myself to go to sleep. If you're having a bad day with overeating, maybe you could try to sleep or... I dunno.

Kristina, for once we agree with each other. You should try to do something to get your mind of it, read, listen to music, do ANYTHING to try and get your off mind of it.

Originally posted by Transit Whiz
Heya, Kris. :) Funny you should mention sleep. I just fell asleep a few minutes ago, LOL. As for taking my mind off food? See, that's the thing is... I have problems. I CAN'T take my mind off food, and I don't have an appetite... not at ALL.. I just... eat, sigh. I'm a binge eater with anorexic and bulimic tendancies. I admit it. Sometimes I'll fast, sometimes I'll throw up or whatever.... it's a mess. It's so strong of an obsession it's insane. It has totally gone out of control. As for diet pills? I don't believe in them. I am pro-health, pro-recovery, so I would never take them. I am TRYING so hard here to turn things around, it isn't working...

As for YOU, missy, 90 lbs would be considered underweight for someone of your height. YOU don't need to diet, nor do you need to lose any weight!!! And diet pills aren't the way to go, they do a whole lot more worse to your body than better. Don't take them. I would flush them down the toilet if I were you. If you want to lose weight, do it the conventional way. Use the healthy approach or you'll be sorry. Don't mean to be blunt, but I only speak the truth. You don't want to turn into me, okay? I started off with a diet, too. Now look at me. Learn from it.

Also....eating disorders aren't always about weight, tho that plays a major role. Many anorexics don't even want to be skinny... they use it as an excuse for the things they do because there's no excuse otherwise. ED's lie much deeper than weight. I can finally admit that food for me is a coping mechanism... I can't live without it. Which is why I can't NOT focus on it. It soothes the soul... and tho it's physically uncomfortable to eat so much, it's emotionally satisfying. It makes me feel like I'm on the top of the world.... for a moment. But this feeling is almost immeaditely replaced by feelings of guilt... which is why then I go back for more... and more and more. I am often depressed and angry, and food is my key to "happiness."

I'm sorry it's like that for you, I do hope you try recovery soon because I mean, it just doesn't go away by itself, sadly. I'm thinking about seeing a psychiatrist soon about many things, just trying to work up the courage.

And I can understand what you're saying about the pills, though I don't think I'm gonna flush them. Might as well take them back to the store and get my money back. ;) I didn't try them yet, I'm afraid to. Especially since my heartbeat is odd, I don't know if something is wrong or what. But the beats are different than normal. Probably another thing I need a doctor for.

6530 cals now..... I think I will easily reach 10,000 today..... sigh...

Kris: Yes! Go and get your money back. ;) Oh, and you should really go see a dr ASAP about your irregular heartbeat. I have an irregular heartbeat, too, but that's 'cause I put too stress on it from the exercise.... bingeing... purging... fasting.. it does so much bad. Anyway, I think you should go see a pysc, most definitely. As for me? I'm a doomed failure.. I can't see one. But I know you can! :)

Originally posted by Transit Whiz
6530 cals now..... I think I will easily reach 10,000 today..... sigh...

Kris: Yes! Go and get your money back. ;) Oh, and you should really go see a dr ASAP about your irregular heartbeat. I have an irregular heartbeat, too, but that's 'cause I put too stress on it from the exercise.... bingeing... purging... fasting.. it does so much bad. Anyway, I think you should go see a pysc, most definitely. As for me? I'm a doomed failure.. I can't see one. But I know you can! :)

Stop giving other people advice. Follow it yourself.

Stop fulfilling whatever doomed prophesy you have set up for yourself.

Originally posted by Kristina
I'm sorry it's like that for you, I do hope you try recovery soon because I mean, it just doesn't go away by itself, sadly. I'm thinking about seeing a psychiatrist soon about many things, just trying to work up the courage.

And I can understand what you're saying about the pills, though I don't think I'm gonna flush them. Might as well take them back to the store and get my money back. ;) I didn't try them yet, I'm afraid to. Especially since my heartbeat is odd, I don't know if something is wrong or what. But the beats are different than normal. Probably another thing I need a doctor for. Yeah, you should probably see a doctor about that, just to be on the safe side

Originally posted by Chambers
Stop giving other people advice. Follow it yourself.

Stop fulfilling whatever doomed prophesy you have set up for yourself. Something you should know.. I'm a hypocrite. I will give advice, but I won't follow them myself. Why, you ask?? Because I'm already doomed. I have no hope in myself anymore. I don't know what to do with myself. I can only try my best to help others.

Originally posted by Transit Whiz
Something you should know.. I'm a hypocrite. I will give advice, but I won't follow them myself. Why, you ask?? Because I'm already doomed. I have no hope in myself anymore. I don't know what to do with myself. I can only try my best to help others.

I know where you're coming from. Seriously, I do.

But you don't have to be at the edge of a crisis to feel as if you matter. You matter now. You mattered back when your behavior was going unoticed. You mattered before you even had a problem. You matter enough to get yourself help, to ask for help, to get yourself fixed so that you can learn that all this drama is actually dull. Health and normalcy is hard, yes. But it is infinitely more exciting and romantic once you learn how to deal with life in a healthy way.

Just do yourself and everybody here a favor and set your mind on getting help. You aren't doomed. NOBODY is doomed. That's just a word. Something your mind creates. Something that does not exist. You, on the other hand, exist. Learn how to deal with your existence. Don't chicken out.

Originally posted by Chambers
I know where you're coming from. Seriously, I do.

But you don't have to be at the edge of a crisis to feel as if you matter. You matter now. You mattered back when your behavior was going unoticed. You mattered before you even had a problem. You matter enough to get yourself help, to ask for help, to get yourself fixed so that you can learn that all this drama is actually dull. Health and normalcy is hard, yes. But it is infinitely more exciting and romantic once you learn how to deal with life in a healthy way.

Just do yourself and everybody here a favor and set your mind on getting help. You aren't doomed. NOBODY is doomed. That's just a word. Something your mind creates. Something that does not exist. You, on the other hand, exist. Learn how to deal with your existence. Don't chicken out. I have set my mind to get help so many times before, but none of the times I have followed through. I have disappointed myself, and everyone else over and over... time after time. I am so sick of working hard... only to achieve nothing. Only to be back at square one. It is so discouraging....that it's just so much easier to chicken out. And yes, I am a chicken. I will admit that, too. I think I am very honest with myself. I'm not gonna try to fool myself and say that I'm not scared, because I know I am. This is all just so overwhelming.... And thanks, Chambers for all your input... each and every time I've ranted, you were there. But.. I never got your name? You know, sometimes I wonder if people think I'm just trying to seek attention, and so they just stop commenting or whatever, but I'm not. It's just I don't know who to turn to. Thank you so much.

I was going to Red Lobster for dinner. I like the way they make their shrimp scampi. The way its baked in butter with all sorts of herbs and spices. I'll probably get some crabs legs and lobster tail as well. Those taste good dipped in butter too.

I don't know if I'll have room for desert, but if I do I'll get the brownie with the ice cream on it. The brownie and the chocolate syrup are warm and the ice cream is cold, so you get warm and cold in every bite.

Some people would prefer a thick juicy steak for dinner cooked rare with some potatoes and gravy. I'm not much of a red meat eater so I stick with seafood and chicken.

Originally posted by Transit Whiz
I have set my mind to get help so many times before, but none of the times I have followed through. I have disappointed myself, and everyone else over and over... time after time. I am so sick of working hard... only to achieve nothing. Only to be back at square one. It is so discouraging....that it's just so much easier to chicken out. And yes, I am a chicken. I will admit that, too. I think I am very honest with myself. I'm not gonna try to fool myself and say that I'm not scared, because I know I am. This is all just so overwhelming.... And thanks, Chambers for all your input... each and every time I've ranted, you were there. But.. I never got your name? You know, sometimes I wonder if people think I'm just trying to seek attention, and so they just stop commenting or whatever, but I'm not. It's just I don't know who to turn to. Thank you so much.

You're not being an "attention-whore." You're venting here, and that's great. But you must realize that this means you haven't lost hope. It means part of you, a significant part, still wants to get help or be helped. You're not hopeless. I know what I say doesn't really help. Won't really change anything. I just hope that maybe you'll react to something I write, realize suddenly that you're strong enough to follow through with this unconscious desire you have to deal with this thing.

Is there anybody you talk with about this? At school or at home?

Originally posted by I am Him
I was going to Red Lobster for dinner. I like the way they make their shrimp scampi. The way its baked in butter with all sorts of herbs and spices. I'll probably get some crabs legs and lobster tail as well. Those taste good dipped in butter too.

I don't know if I'll have room for desert, but if I do I'll get the brownie with the ice cream on it. The brownie and the chocolate syrup are warm and the ice cream is cold, so you get warm and cold in every bite.

Some people would prefer a thick juicy steak for dinner cooked rare with some potatoes and gravy. I'm not much of a red meat eater so I stick with seafood and chicken. Are you trying to tempt me or something...?

Originally posted by Chambers
You're not being an "attention-whore." You're venting here, and that's great. But you must realize that this means you haven't lost hope. It means part of you, a significant part, still wants to get help or be helped. You're not hopeless. I know what I say doesn't really help. Won't really change anything. I just hope that maybe you'll react to something I write, realize suddenly that you're strong enough to follow through with this unconscious desire you have to deal with this thing.

Is there anybody you talk with about this? At school or at home? Thank you.. I just needed to know that... that I'm not being seen as an "attention whore" LOL, as you put it quite nicely.. And yeah, I guess a part of me thinks I can do this... but then another part of me just wants to give up and give in...like right now, sorta. As for anyone I can talk to at home? Life at home is a crap hole. I have no one and I don't get along with anyone. No one at school, either, I haven't any friends to confide in. Sigh. I'm a loner.. such a loser. I can only think to speak to an adult.. but I don't know of a trusted adult, either. Sigh.

Originally posted by Transit Whiz
Thank you.. I just needed to know that... that I'm not being seen as an "attention whore" LOL, as you put it quite nicely.. And yeah, I guess a part of me thinks I can do this... but then another part of me just wants to give up and give in...like right now, sorta. As for anyone I can talk to at home? Life at home is a crap hole. I have no one and I don't get along with anyone. No one at school, either, I haven't any friends to confide in. Sigh. I'm a loner.. such a loser. I can only think to speak to an adult.. but I don't know of a trusted adult, either. Sigh.

School counselors?

Originally posted by Chambers
School counselors? At my current school? Oh no.. I couldn't do that. Everyone's a mere number there, I'm afraid my mates will find out.. I don't want anyone to... and I'm also concern that confiding in a counselor will conflict my normal school schedule, I dont want that, either. I'm thinking about maybe a former teacher in my elementary school.. but I dont know if she has the time for me.. and I never catch her on time to see her. Really unfortunate.

Originally posted by Transit Whiz
At my current school? Oh no.. I couldn't do that. Everyone's a mere number there, I'm afraid my mates will find out.. I don't want anyone to... and I'm also concern that confiding in a counselor will conflict my normal school schedule, I dont want that, either. I'm thinking about maybe a former teacher in my elementary school.. but I dont know if she has the time for me.. and I never catch her on time to see her. Really unconvenient.

That sounds like a good plan. Send her an email or a note or something. Plan out what you want to say. Don't be insecure about what she'll think. Just go for it.

Originally posted by Chambers
That sounds like a good plan. Send her an email or a note or something. Plan out what you want to say. Don't be insecure about what she'll think. Just go for it. Sigh.. I'm only comtemplating... it seems real akward for me to just tell her these things. I haven't seen her in AGES, and when we DO see one another, we talk about school and grades and stuff... nothing too personal. I'm not sure how to ask to speak with her...

Hey we're here for you. I know what it is like to think you have something beat and then it just blows up in your face in a second. But from reading your posts you seem like a much stronger person than one who just "gives in". Just have you decide what goes in your mouth. Not your emotions. I know this is harsh but you have to find a different way to calm your emotions. You CANNOT depend on food. How about writing in a journal? Or excersising? To help me get away from food I got a pet that I just love to be around and it helps lower my stress ( and I don't care if my sister thinks I'm weird because I talk to my rabbit lol ;) ) But just remember the consequences of your actions before you start eating heavily. Trust me feeling like you are going to puke and your stomache is going to explode is alot worse than a little temptation.

Originally posted by Transit Whiz
Something you should know.. I'm a hypocrite. I will give advice, but I won't follow them myself.

Aren't most people like that? Do what I say, don't do what I do, ya know?

And I'm reading this while sitting here eating Cheetos. How awful. Anyway, sort of half-ass backwards relating this to my own battle with anxiety...it sounds like you've gotten to the point where no matter how hard you try, you just can't beat yourself. You put up a huge fight and you try to win over your own brain, but it's too far gone...you need help fighting it. I never wanted to admit it, but once I finally did and got some outside help, I overcame my own brain. You really ought to look into maybe a group, like AA or whatever, where you can sit and talk with people who are fighting the same fight as you. You can sit and say everything, but instead of speaking to yourself and having your brain beat you up for acting this way, there will be people there to give you positive feedback and let you know that you aren't alone, and you aren't crazy, and that you are strong enough to win. I believe you can do it. :) Best of luck Jenny.

Thanks TheGreatPretender for your suggestions on trying to get my mind off food and all, but it's just so hard. I journal already, I exercise, too, but nothing beats bingeing. :(

And thanks Cathy, for you AA suggestion, but I don't think I can commit to a group like such. I'm too scared.. not ready.. doubt I'll ever be ready. :(

Anyway, I think I've only just fallen back to my old bingeing habits once again. Today, I stuffed myself so much, I collapse on the kitchen floor. I was conscious, but my heart was beating WAY too fast and I couldn't get myself up. What I DID, do, tho... was sit in front of the fridge and cried and cried and cried while I continued to chew and chew. How pathetic, ayy?? :(

Hey, Chambers... are you still here? LOL. :o Can you please help me out...? Perhaps provide some suggestions as to how to approach my teacher? I just don't know how to ask her for her time... to explain such a matter when I barely even speak to her...? Please, I'm so desparate here....

Originally posted by Transit Whiz
Thanks TheGreatPretender for your suggestions on trying to get my mind off food and all, but it's just so hard. I journal already, I exercise, too, but nothing beats bingeing. :(

And thanks Cathy, for you AA suggestion, but I don't think I can commit to a group like such. I'm too scared.. not ready.. doubt I'll ever be ready. :(

Anyway, I think I've only just fallen back to my old bingeing habits once again. Today, I stuffed myself so much, I collapse on the kitchen floor. I was conscious, but my heart was beating WAY too fast and I couldn't get myself up. What I DID, do, tho... was sit in front of the fridge and cried and cried and cried while I continued to chew and chew. How pathetic, ayy?? :(

Hey, Chambers... are you still here? LOL. :o Can you please help me out...? Perhaps provide some suggestions as to how to approach my teacher? I just don't know how to ask her for her time... to explain such a matter when I barely even speak to her...? Please, I'm so desparate here....


I would still say join a support group, I know u feel u cant commit to it but thats because ur scared, dont be. These groups r really supposed to be great...dont be afraid of ur reputation either...a lil gossip isn't to bad if your health is at risk

You are not a loser! You've just got a problem and need some help. Please don't think you are a bad person because of an eating disorder. You poor lil person! :( I haven't read all of the previous posts very throughly, but have you gone to a doctor? There's got to be some way they can help you. I believe you can get help. I used to have problems (not going to mention what) and I don't have it anymore, so I believe there's hope for you. If you EVER need someone to talk to, you can pm me anytime. I can always need a new friend anyway. Please hang in there. I will be praying for you. Love ya-Emily

Originally posted by Transit Whiz
Thank you.. I just needed to know that... that I'm not being seen as an "attention whore" LOL, as you put it quite nicely.. And yeah, I guess a part of me thinks I can do this... but then another part of me just wants to give up and give in...like right now, sorta. As for anyone I can talk to at home? Life at home is a crap hole. I have no one and I don't get along with anyone. No one at school, either, I haven't any friends to confide in. Sigh. I'm a loner.. such a loser. I can only think to speak to an adult.. but I don't know of a trusted adult, either. Sigh.
Transit Whiz, don't you hear what you are saying, in most of your posts?! "I'm a loser; I'm pathetic; I can't do this; I can't do that; I'm a loner; haven't got any friends."
You are giving yourself an excuse to fail. Once you realize that, and make the decision to stop this self-loathing attitude, you will be in a better place to deal with your eating disorder. Now I'm no professional, but I would suggest that you talk to one or join a support group like MissZero suggested. They can help you get a handle on why you do this to yourself. There has to be something inside you which causes this behavior, and they can help you find out what that is. Or you might just go to like a support group and listen and you might gain insight into your problem just from listening to other people and what you can do about it yourself. But you won't know unless you try.
You know, there are also lots of eating disorder hotlines out there with people who just want to talk to you and help you and maybe give you some answers to what you are searching for. And you can remain anonymous and just talk, or listen.
I know you say you probably won't be able to do that but maybe one day, while you are binging and purging and feeling like such a colossal failure while you sit on the bathroom floor crying, you'll make that call. I hope you do.