I thought it would be a good idea to make a thread of KOQ quotes. Whenever you hear a good one or think of one, feel free to post it here. That way we can capture some of the best and/or funniest KOQ moments.

Arthur: Well, time for work. The pretzel store awaits.
Doug: Off to the salt mines, huh?
Arthur: I don't follow.
Doug: It's just an expression. Plus, you work in a pretzel store.
Arthur: (confused look)
Doug: Pretzels have salt...
Arthur: Well, that's 10 seconds of my life I'm never getting back.

:)

from episode Parent Trapped

Doug: Listen, Carrie's not gonna make it home for dinner, so I'm gonna order us some pizza.
Arthur: From where?
Doug: From Sal's.
Arthur: Sal's?! Have you lost your mind?!
Doug: Ok, not Sal's. Then from where?
Arthur: Little neighborhood joint called Domeeno's.
Doug: (pauses) Domino's?
Arthur: Yeah, that's it.
Doug: All right, what's the number.
Arthur: (quickly) One-seven-one-eight-one-one-sixty-eight-o-eleven.
Doug: Look, I have way too many numbers, ok?
Arthur: I gave you the area code!
Doug: We're in the area code! I don't need to dial it.
Arthur: Ok, ready?
Doug: I'm ready.
Arthur: One-one-sixty-eight...
Doug: Ok, you know what? How about a little phone number rhythm.
Arthur: I got it.
Doug: Ok.
Arthur: One...
Doug: (dials) Yeah.
Arthur: Six...
Doug: (dials) Yep.
Arthur: teen...

a bit long, but still hilarious. :lol: Classic Doug and Arthur material!

from episode The Rock

LOL! Those were two good ones. I'll be sure to post when I can come up with the exact lines.

Arthur:excuse me, officer. You ever kill a man?
officer:what????
Carrie:dad?
Arthur:you know some low life you got cornered in an ally,hes thrown down is gun, hes beggin for mercy,but you just enter your clip right into him anyway. you figure whos know! Oh you make me sick!!!!

Originally posted by HuntingtonM15
Doug: Listen, Carrie's not gonna make it home for dinner, so I'm gonna order us some pizza.
Arthur: From where?
Doug: From Sal's.
Arthur: Sal's?! Have you lost your mind?!
Doug: Ok, not Sal's. Then from where?
Arthur: Little neighborhood joint called Domeeno's.
Doug: (pauses) Domino's?
Arthur: Yeah, that's it.
Doug: All right, what's the number.
Arthur: (quickly) One-seven-one-eight-one-one-sixty-eight-o-eleven.
Doug: Look, I have way too many numbers, ok?
Arthur: I gave you the area code!
Doug: We're in the area code! I don't need to dial it.
Arthur: Ok, ready?
Doug: I'm ready.
Arthur: One-one-sixty-eight...
Doug: Ok, you know what? How about a little phone number rhythm.
Arthur: I got it.
Doug: Ok.
Arthur: One...
Doug: (dials) Yeah.
Arthur: Six...
Doug: (dials) Yep.
Arthur: teen...

a bit long, but still hilarious. :lol: Classic Doug and Arthur material!

from episode The Rock


LOVE THAT ONE!!!!! :) I'm still laughing about it! LMAO!!

Arthur: You're not throwing out these rubber bands, are you?
Carrie: They're all broken, Dad.
Arthur: So...you tie the ends together and they're just as good as new, Mrs. Rockefeller! (heads downstairs with the rubber bands) Well, there goes my day off! Right out the window!!

Carrie: You Know there are more important things in life other than food right?
Doug: (seriously) Yeah, Like What?

those arent the EXACT words..but it was something like that...

No it was...

Carrie: You know there's more to do in life than sitting on your ass watching TV.

Doug: Oh yeah, like what?

Carrie: I know, why don't I buy you that walkman so you can tone your abs like you said.

Doug: Oh...that was NEVER gonna happen and you KNOW it.

---From Ep. 30...Tube Stakes....18-Oct-1999---

From the episode where Doug + Carrie borrow the kids' twin beds until their new bed arrive. Don't have exact words but goes something like this:

Doug: Carrie, you awake?
Carrie: Yea, you?
Doug: Well, I asked you, so, uh, yea.

:bump

Arthur: I've been in the market for a totebag for years...I just never had the guts to pull the trigger.

LOL

MZ

Carrie :"And is there a reason you keep saying 'we'?"
Doug :"Yeah.It's..it's just like 'Weeeeee,we're on a diet!"
Fat City

Doug :"I`m sorry. I'm not embarrassed by you."
Carrie :"That's nice coming from a man whose wearing his house as a belt."
Dire Strayts

Arthur :"Dinner in a tray. When do we land stewardess?"
[i forgot which ep this was from lol]

There's still a lot more I just gotta keep thinkin lol.

Wish I could remember (will have to search for the actual quote) - but something to this effect:
Arthur has tried a new deoderant and goes to the kitchen and asks Douglas, "Do I smell as fresh as a morning daisy after the rain?" (or some other equally silly ad promise)
Douglas: "I'm not getting that."
Arthur: "THOSE BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!!"

Done only like Arthur can do - yelling - fists clenched. Hilarious!!!

:lol:

"Im leaving you now with everything i came with!!.....and some hand towels." (ARTHUR)

"Kirby i know i could never replace your mom. You can just call me your Step-Spence. (SPENCE)
"Good lord what have i done" (DEACON)

"All i need is a bucket of eggnog and a ride home." (HOLLY)

Arthur:"Douglas! Are you alright? I heard someone screamin' like a bitch!"

from Inner Tube ep

Carrie- I just realized with you I need to lower my expectations."
Doug- The lower you go, the happier you'll be"

---------
Doug- Okay, a tie that looks exactly like a trout is stupid?!

----
Doug- I can't believe I opened a 300 dollar bottle of wine.
Danny- I can't believe I bought a rabbit!

Doug: Boy, the Chinese really dropped the ball when it came to the desserts, huh?
Carrie: I know. It's like, what, you can't jam a fortune into a piece of fudge cake?

Arthur: "I don't want cheese out of pity. I want cheese out of love!!"

Doug: "You see, it's not about me. It's really about what's best for the company, the team. There is no "I" in IPS."

Mean Streak

Doug: "It's Spaghetti! I'm eating it, not sleeping with it!"
--------
Doug: "Eating is not cheating!"
Food Fight


Arthur: "(Finding out that Carrie got him a cruise to Bermuda For Christmas) A cruise to Bermuda! What a thoughtful and generous gift! Damn her!"
Mentalo Case

Carrie:[About the movie "Slaughter Beach"]"Yeah a kid gets sliced in half by a surfboard. There's a feel good moment!"
------

Doug:Why don't you let Mr. Hofferman play guitar for you. I'm sure it sounds even fruitier underwater.

Prints Charming

Arthur: (To Carrie) I want you to have sex with Douglas. And I want pizza.

Taste Buds

Carrie: "Do you find me . . . Scary?"
Holly: ".....I'll just pay for the peeps."

Cowardly Lyin'

Doug: Ok, you know what? How about a little phone number rhythm.
Arthur: I got it.
Doug: Ok.
Arthur: One...
Doug: (dials) Yeah.
Arthur: Six...
Doug: (dials) Yep.
Arthur: teen...



This is one of my all time favorite KofQ moments! Thank you for posting it, and for naming the episode. I couldn't remember which one it was in. Thanks to you, I got to watch this scene today!

Anybody notice how many of the really hilarious quotes are Arthur's? :lol:

Carrie: "Do you find me . . . Scary?"
Holly: ".....I'll just pay for the peeps."

Cowardly Lyin'

My favorite Carrie episode is Cowardly Lyin'. I love the scene in the restaurant between her and Rachel Dratch. Now if I could only remember the quote and post it. It ended with "I'll shove those fangs down your throat!"

This is one of my all time favorite KofQ moments! Thank you for posting it, and for naming the episode. I couldn't remember which one it was in. Thanks to you, I got to watch this scene today!

Anybody notice how many of the really hilarious quotes are Arthur's? :lol:

No problem. That was the quote that inspired me to make this thread. :lol:

Upon discovering Doug and Deacon at home with there boxing-bet winnings scattered on the coffee table:

Arthur: "You're home in the middle of the day, there's a red Ferrari parked in the driveway, and there's cash all over the table......I don't know what's up, but I want in :lol: !"

Upon discovering Doug and Deacon at home with there boxing-bet winnings scattered on the coffee table:

Arthur: "You're home in the middle of the day, there's a red Ferrari parked in the driveway, and there's cash all over the table......I don't know what's up, but I want in :lol: !"
"Nothing like a steak and a hot cup of coffee!" (Arthur)

Doug is in the kitchen, stomping on a roach.

Arthur: Douglas, I hate to interrupt what appears to be some kind of herky-jerky dance, but I was wondering if you happen to have any oysters on the half shell.

Doug: Not on me, no.

Doug is in the kitchen, stomping on a roach.

Arthur: Douglas, I hate to interrupt what appears to be some kind of herky-jerky dance, but I was wondering if you happen to have any oysters on the half shell.

Doug: Not on me, no.

Oh my gosh - that is so funny!! I don't think I ever saw it - but I can just hear it!!!!!!!

Thanks for a good laugh!! :lol:

Glad you enjoyed it! It's from "Horizontal Hold." I was watching some episodes from the third season dvd, and this bit was so good I had to post it. There is also some very funny interaction between Deacon and Spence in that episode.

Doug is in the kitchen, stomping on a roach.

Arthur: Douglas, I hate to interrupt what appears to be some kind of herky-jerky dance, but I was wondering if you happen to have any oysters on the half shell.

Doug: Not on me, no.
Arthur: Douglas can you do me a favor and discreatly set the drapes on
fire.
Doug: Are things going that bad?
Arthur: Yes. She is diseased and terribly boring!

Arthur: Douglas can you do me a favor and discreatly set the drapes on
fire.
Doug: Are things going that bad?
Arthur: Yes. She is diseased and terribly boring!
Arthur: Aah!! It's 9:30! The witching hour.

Wait - were they eating "fast soup"? LOL.

Doug: "That's offensive. I take my church very seriously."
Arthur: "I'm sorry. While you're there, say hi to the Easter bunny for me will ya?"

From Holy Mackerel episode

Wait - were they eating "fast soup"? LOL.
No they were enjoying dessert. She was having a piece of chocolate cake and asked what kind it was.

Woman: "What kind of cake is this?"
Arthur: "It is called fast cake. It tastes better the faster you eat
it."

Not from any certain episode but when Doug says "Shutty" or "Son of a Mother" :lol:

or the episode where Arthur works at the mall food court selling pretzels and he fires that young kid, he looks to that old lady and says "you saw him, he lunged at me"

and when he does that thing about putting a pen mark on a card, "I wise to you, im wise to all of you kids, now I may not be hip I may not listen to your Tom Jones or your Dave Clark Five but I know when im having the wool pulled over my eyes."

No they were enjoying dessert. She was having a piece of chocolate cake and asked what kind it was.

Woman: "What kind of cake is this?"
Arthur: "It is called fast cake. It tastes better the faster you eat
it."

That's it, fast cake! Thanks!

...I may not be hip I may not listen to your Tom Jones or your Dave Clark Five but I know when im having the wool pulled over my eyes."


:lol: :lol: :lol:

I wise to you, im wise to all of you kids, now I may not be hip I may not listen to your Tom Jones or your Dave Clark Five but I know when im having the wool pulled over my eyes."

:rotflmao:

I love that. That is such classic Arthur!

Arthur: I've got news for you, sweetheart. Tonight was the first night I felt alive since you dragged me into this house. But you couldn't stand to see it, could you? No, you had to hobble me like that fat broad in Misery!


He can take something serious and make it so hilarious. :lol:

Doug: How beautiful was that. I hand the girl a strategically folded coupon hiding the expiration date...she hands me a supersize popcorn.
Carrie: Yeah, way to go. You outsmarted a 13-year-old girl with an eyepatch.

Arthur: "But i am basement Artie, i certainly would'nt want to lose that moniker."

Arthur: "I'll reimburse you for the spackle"

Not so funny just to see the quote, but if have seen the episode "Frozen Pop" you all understand.

Doug: How beautiful was that. I hand the girl a strategically folded coupon hiding the expiration date...she hands me a supersize popcorn.
Carrie: Yeah, way to go. You outsmarted a 13-year-old girl with an eyepatch.


LMAO :lol: :lol: :lol:

:wave: Thanks for all those and a good laugh!!

God I love Arthur!

Sig, but I'm not sure if it's the exact quotes..

Doug: How beautiful was that. I hand the girl a strategically folded coupon hiding the expiration date...she hands me a supersize popcorn.
Carrie: Yeah, way to go. You outsmarted a 13-year-old girl with an eyepatch.
Carrie: "Who takes popcorn home from the movies?? Who does that??"
Doug: "When they say i can get a free refill, i get a free refill!!"

Doug:[replying to Carrie's question about her being scary] "Oh yeah, I'm scary. Then how come they didn't make a horror movie called Doug? Huh, CARRIE?!?!"

I know it's not exactly word for word ,but I thought I'd put it here 'cause I remember the first time I ever saw this episode it made me laugh hysterically. :rotflmao:

I also loved the interaction between Carrie and Holly in this episode. LOL the peeps thing always gets some good laughs. :lol:

I also loved the interaction between Carrie and Holly in this episode. LOL the peeps thing always gets some good laughs. :lol:



Yah LOL, that was super funny, Carrie's all like do you find me..scary? and Holly's like you know, I'll just pay for the peeps. XD that was hilarious.

That is my favorite episode, because it contains my all-time favorite Carrie moment -

Carrie, telling Rachel Dratch (Spence's girlfriend) what she would say if her boyfriend blew off their anniversary to attend a Dark Shadows convention -

"You selfish jerk! You're gonna spend our anniversary with a bunch of dorks dressed up like Count Chocula? (read Chawkula) Okay, freak, have a good time, cause when ya get back I'm gonna punch your fangs down your throat."


:lol: :lol:

Doug had a good one last night. Arthur walked into the room playing the harmonica. When he finished the song, he looked at Doug and said "Bet you didn't know I could play the mouth organ, did you?". Doug looked at him and said, "OK, first, stop calling it that..."

Well, it's not really a quote but in the episode Fatty McButterpants, when Doug says Carrie's forehead is big and she laughs funny and Carrie folded her hair over her forehead and tried to laugh normal when they went to the movies with Deacon and Kelly, lol that was funny :lol:

Carrie:"It's not bad! It's being thrifty."
Doug:"No, it's being shoplifty."
Clothes Encounter ep

Doug: Life is a big trip and we all have to stop for gas sometimes.

Doug says good-bye to Trish (Janeane Garofalo).
- 615 "Cheap Saks"

Doug: Life is a big trip and we all have to stop for gas sometimes.

Doug says good-bye to Trish (Janeane Garofalo).
- 615 "Cheap Saks"

Nice one..LOVE your avatar by the way lol

Arthur (to Doug): What's troubling you, son? You never looked heavier.


Nice one..LOVE your avatar by the way lol
Merci beaucoup, mademoiselle!

LOVE your avatar by the way lol

I also think that's an awesome avatar! :thumbsup:

Arthur-"This is me leaning forward with interest."

Doug-"Well, lean back with interest or get a mint."

"We're the Heffernans...we've got Heffervescence"-Doug

"Loafers AND a musical? You're really gayin' me up!"-Doug

"Happy mozzarella trails? Note slut." -Doug

Also I LOVE the episode where IPS is on strike and Doug, Deacon, and Arthur are all placing bets on the See N' Say. I think it's "Strike Out"

"We're the Heffernans...we've got Heffervescence"-Doug


:lol: I love that. Great user name, by the way!

"Ouch!! That has tetnus written all over it!" (Spence)

"Oh my God!! Tivo thinks im gay!" (Spence)

Carrie-"Excuse me? I'm not gonna throw food at my father."
Doug-"What about that chicken leg last week?"
Carrie-"He threw peas at me first!!"

"I have no desire to pay or be paid to eat dirty cheese" - Carrie

This is from one of my favorite openers when Carrie drops a slice of cheese on the floor and Doug keeps trying to bribe her with cash to eat it.

Doug: You obviously don't understand what's going on here. I'm talking high def...High def.
Carrie: Ohhh, yeah...that means nothing to me.

I don't know if this was mentioned already, but:

Arthur: "Ah, you don't know your ass from your elbow"

I don't remember the other dialog around it, but it cracked me up.

-Chris

Doug: It can't drag on. You've seen our commercial. "IPS delivers the globe!" Who else is gonna deliver the globe if we don't, huh?
Carrie: Fed Ex?
Doug: Tight Operation.
Carrie: Yes, it is. (sarcastically)

Sorry for the double post, but I am watching this episode right now.

-Chris

after carrie yells at arthur that he is the worst father in the world, and he storms out, doug goes to look for him. upon doug's return, she questions how harsh she was to her dad:
Carrie:How bad was it?
Doug:Not that bad.
Carrie:Seriously how bad was it?
Doug:IT WAS THE WORST THING I'VE EVER SEEN AND I ONCE SAW A GUY CHASE HIS GLASS EYE DOWN THE SUBWAY STAIRS.

not exact, but hilarious none the same

after carrie yells at arthur that he is the worst father in the world, and he storms out, doug goes to look for him. upon doug's return, she questions how harsh she was to her dad:
Carrie:How bad was it?
Doug:Not that bad.
Carrie:Seriously how bad was it?
Doug:IT WAS THE WORST THING I'VE EVER SEEN AND I ONCE SAW A GUY CHASE HIS GLASS EYE DOWN THE SUBWAY STAIRS.

not exact, but hilarious none the same

Oh my God. :lol: I don't think I've seen that since it originally aired. I remember laughing at that for a good 5 minutes or more. Thanks for posting that one!

"IT WAS A MERCY FLIRT!" - Doug

"That bun, girl, not happnin'." - Holly

"You tell me you're mentally abusing your wife and you want to know how I feel about it?" - Deacon to Doug

Doug: My God. How much of that tanning stuff are you using?!
Carrie: None.
Doug: None?! You look like Seal!

This is a great one from today's episode, 'White Collar', when Doug gets a promotion and goes to work in the office.

Doug says something to Arthur about how he doesn't like the job but he doesn't wanna dissapoint Carrie and just be her 'loser' husband or something.

Arthur: In my book, the losers are the real winners.
Doug: Then what are the winners?
Arthur: They're still winners. You can't take that away from them Douglas. After all, they did win.

Then Doug just stares at him blankly.

I've just been away on vacation or "vaca-shee-own" as Doug would say and this was one of the things I missed most.

Maria

Surprised no one has mentioned this one...unless I am the only one who found it hilarious.

Doug: …I’m gonna whip this body into shape, cause nobody’s callin’ me Fatty McButter Pants anymore.
Carrie: Somebody called you "Fatty McButter Pants?"
Doug: In line at the bank yesterday, yeah.
Carrie: And it took seeing the Big and Tall bag to push you over the edge?
Doug:MmHm.

:lol: :lol:

Arthur walking into the room playing the harmonica.

Doug: "Arthur, what are you doing?"
Arthur: "Im playing the mouth organ."
Doug: "First if all, don't call it that. And why are you playing it?"
Arthur: "Cuase im coming on vacation with you, you crazy son of a bitch!"
Doug:" What!?"
Arthur: "It was generous of you kids to invite me along. I know those things
can have very cramped quarters so i am only packing this outfit and
a pair of silk underwear i'll wash out at night."
Doug: "CARRIE!!!!"

Arthur has salvaged an "A" from an old typewritter, welded it onto a screwdriver and is delighted with himself that he has invented a new screwdriver configuration.

Arthur: See, you simply put the Arthur Head screwdriver into the corresponding "A" hole of the screw.

Arthur has salvaged an "A" from an old typewritter, welded it onto a screwdriver and is delighted with himself that he has invented a new screwdriver configuration.

Arthur: See, you simply put the Arthur Head screwdriver into the corresponding "A" hole of the screw.
I loved that guy at the hardware store where Arthur goes to. That guy was stoned out of his mind.

Doug: By the way, don't bother bringing him (Kirby) by the house this year.
Deacon: Why not?
Doug: Stupid Arthur smashed the pumpkin all over our backyard. Huge mess. Plus the neighorhood cats are taking their sweet ass time licking it up.

:lol:

ah I love that pumpkin one. and I love when doug was on the diet in Doug Less and talking about the approach that eliminates carbs. he talks about how you can have bacon and eggs and stuff. then he says something like "turns out I was..." something the whole time. like he was already practically on that diet.

also, when Carrie tries to get him to eat that big plate of pancakes and he insists that he can't cause of his diet so then she pushes the plate aside with one finger and says "eating disorder" in a really shrill high voice.

doug uses that same voice when he's talking to deacon about spence babysitting. he asks deacon why he can't get a hot teenager to babysit like everyone else and deacon says that kirby really likes spence. then doug looks at deacon with this warning on his face and says "nannycam"

How about:

(These aren't word for word; they are off the top of my head)

Doug: Hey, look how it is! Hey Arthur, you want a beer?
Arthur: Sure, that's what the airbags are for...

______

Doug: (walking in as Arthur is walking up) Hey Arthur, what did you do today?
Arthur: Oh, I had a busy day: Long story short, the shag carpet's all the same length...

______

(During the betting and after he yells, "Come on you stinkin' sheep!!!")
Arthur: You know Douglas, you rode the frog all the way to the top, but the wheel of fortune is a fickle whore...

i quoted this one before but there's more lol

Doug:"Why don't you let Mr. Hofferman play guitar for you. I'm sure it sounds even fruitier underwater."

Carrie:"Yeah? Well the fruitiest thing I've seen underwater is you my friend!"

Prints Charming

LOL I loved this episode.

Doug: So what movie are we seeing, anyway?
Carrie: Casablanca.
Doug: Ugh. A black and white movie.
Carrie: It's a great movie. Dad, back me up here.
Arthur: Casablanca? Never saw it.
Carrie: You must have. Humphrey Bogart owns a cafe, Ingrid Bergman...
Arthur: Don't ruin it for me! (covers ears) Lalalalalala...

:rofl:

Don't remember exactly how it went but it was something like this.

Doug- Some guy from the senior center called and wants you to take over for the weekend
Arthur- I can't...Or can I? The will is their but do I have the stamina? You know what...I'LL DO IT!
Doug- Couldn't Care less


Doug- Yeah now I have to watch my parents for the weekend without Carrie.
Deacon- Just suck it up damn, I mean they took care of you for what 18 years?
Doug- Actually 27


Stephanie- It's normal to feel weird without a job, I mean you've been working steady since you were what 16?
Doug- 29

Hahaha some of the funniest quotes

Don't remember exactly how it went but it was something like this.

Doug- Some guy from the senior center called and wants you to take over for the weekend
Arthur- I can't...Or can I? The will is their but do I have the stamina? You know what...I'LL DO IT!
Doug- Couldn't Care less


Doug- Yeah now I have to watch my parents for the weekend without Carrie.
Deacon- Just suck it up damn, I mean they took care of you for what 18 years?
Doug- Actually 27


Stephanie- It's normal to feel weird without a job, I mean you've been working steady since you were what 16?
Doug- 29

Hahaha some of the funniest quotes

:lol: Those are great ones!

Arthur: So, the fact that I'm bored to tears means nothing to you?
Holly: Arthur, we invited you to play Trouble with us!
Arthur: Your explanation of the rules was incomprehensible!!!

Arthur: So, the fact that I'm bored to tears means nothing to you?
Holly: Arthur, we invited you to play Trouble with us!
Arthur: Your explanation of the rules was incomprehensible!!!

LOL great quote n that episode was good too =]

Arthur: So, the fact that I'm bored to tears means nothing to you?
Holly: Arthur, we invited you to play Trouble with us!
Arthur: Your explanation of the rules was incomprehensible!!!
Arthur: Ice cream cones are not meant to be eaten on the move!!

I believe that was from the same episode.

Arthur: If you ever need to get ahold of me just call 555-LOGS!!
Doug: I guess 555-NUTBAG was already taken!

I got one
(Toast pops out of the toaster)
Doug: Arthur, your toast is done
Arthur: DON'T TELL ME!

Doug: "you're not marrying my aunt"
Arthur: "I'm good enough to be your father-in-law, but not your uncle, is that it? Well too bad NEPHEW!!!"

Ilove it when Arthur yells-he is so funny!

"Paternal Affair"

Arthur makes me laugh all the time...he is sooooo funny, especially when he yells!!! :lol: :happyface

I just watched Restaurant Row from season 2. It was so funny when Doug and Carrie were banning eachother from all of their favorite places. I liked the following:

Carrie: You wanna keep talkin'? 'cause now you're banned from Bagel King!

Doug:NO WAY, they've done nothing to you!

Carrie: Yeah well, they don't serve light cream cheese-that annoys me.

Doug:You wanna ban me? I'll ban you, yeah that's right, say goodbye to your nail place baby, and you know why? cause I don't like the bell on the door!

HA HA

I just watched Restaurant Row from season 2. It was so funny when Doug and Carrie were banning eachother from all of their favorite places. I liked the following:

Carrie: You wanna keep talkin'? 'cause now you're banned from Bagel King!

Doug:NO WAY, they've done nothing to you!

Carrie: Yeah well, they don't serve light cream cheese-that annoys me.

Doug:You wanna ban me? I'll ban you, yeah that's right, say goodbye to your nail place baby, and you know why? cause I don't like the bell on the door!

HA HA

I like when he goes on to ban Carrie from "Humphrey Yogarts":)

Yeah, I like that too. It was funny when Arthur wanted to rub Doug's belly!

"Net Prophets"

"Those wheels are on your chair for a reason..USE 'EM!!!!!"

Just thought of one of my favorite Arthur qoutes. I love in "Mentalo Case"
when Arthur is talking to Holly about Carrie's Christmas gift. (The chopsticks) when he says "She can eat like Charlie Chan 'til she's a hundred"!!! The way he delivers his lines is hilarious.:lol: :lol:

I like this line in "Silent Mite"

Doug: Arthur can we speed it up a bit

Arthur: I play by the rules of the road

Doug: Ok, we just got passed by a shopping cart.

Classic :lol:

I'm going to really miss this show when it goes. So many funny scenes.

"Assaulted Nuts"

Doug: "ok, don't use the bee-in-the-bonnet thing, that's mine!"

"Missing Links"

Holly: I said you can play Trouble with us!
Arthur: Your explanation of the rules was incomprehensible!
Arthur: I hate it here!!!

"Assaulted Nuts"

Doug: "ok, don't use the bee-in-the-bonnet thing, that's mine!"

hey sweetdig,here's one for ya.

From "No Orleans"

Ron:"They're in bed with us every night,Marsha.I think they know me better than any cat should know a man".:lol:

Here's another good one:

"Seperation Anxiety"

Movie theatre boss: (chuckles) "Ahh for god sakes you took another expired coupon!"

Boss: "Are you stupid?!" "Or can you just not read a calendar!?" "Oh! I wonder what today is? It's um the 48th of Janurary!

Boss: "I'm sorry, Here's a kit kat bar for free" "You know where it might be a good place to eat that?" "On the unemployment line! adios! patchy!"

Here's another good one:

"Seperation Anxiety"

Movie theatre boss: (chuckles) "Ahh for god sakes you took another expired coupon!"

Boss: "Are you stupid?!" "Or can you just not read a calendar!?" "Oh! I wonder what today is? It's um the 48th of Janurary!

Boss: "I'm sorry, Here's a kit kat bar for free" "You know where it might be a good place to eat that?" "On the unemployment line! adios! patchy!"

that IS a good one:lol:

Yea it is. Whenever we watch that episode on dvd, my dad laughs so hard at that part.

Here's a good one.

"Pregnant Pause"

(flashback to when Carrie was born)

Arthur to Sofia: Did you by any chance happen to pick any English Muffins?
Arthur: I specifically wrote on the list English Muffins!!

Adios Patchy....That kills me every time!

hey sweetdig,here's one for ya.

From "No Orleans"

Ron:"They're in bed with us every night,Marsha.I think they know me better than any cat should know a man".:lol:

Thanks!! I like how she refers to the cats as her kids! :lol:

my favorite one was with doug and carrie. they where doin roll play in bed when doug was pretending to be rico and carrie was pretending to be stephanie rico's italian girlfriend.
Carre: i"ll be your own personal Gelat'e
Doug: hold it whats a Gelate
Carrie" well it's got nuts fruit icecream and candy
Doug" ohhh! now i really want a Gelat'e but i can get it later

"Do Rico" was just on in syndication last night.that is a classic!!

Doug:"You've heard his voice,now welcome to his face".

Doug: "Let's get Rich Little in here and have an orgy"

Doug: "Let's get Rich Little in here and have an orgy"

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

another one i loved was from Resteraunt Row when carrie got so upset at the waiter and banned doug from the Italian Resteraunt. he went back anyway and she banned him from there and a whole lot of places and he banned her also. an when they went to bed he was in the mood and carrie said
carrie: your banned from there too
Doug: should have thought it through
Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From the latest episode "Apartment Complex"


Danny:"Our place is no good, Spece's mom has another date over"
Spence:"Lowell's not her date, he's her piano teacher"
Danny:"She don't have a piano!"
Spence:"Ahh Hellllooo!! He brings his organ and she practices on that!!"


:lol: :lol: :lol: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rofl:

From the latest episode "Apartment Complex"


Danny:"Our place is no good, Spece's mom has another date over"
Spence:"Lowell's not her date, he's her piano teacher"
Danny:"She don't have a piano!"
Spence:"Ahh Hellllooo!! He brings his organ and she practices on that!!"


:lol: :lol: :lol: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rofl:

sweetd,I am sooo upset because I downloaded monday's ep.with the program and it WON'T PLAY!!pissed:

Awww, man. That Blows! I wonder what the problem is. I hope you can figure it out though. Good Luck buddy!

hey,I just found some different users that have it,so I'm gonna try again.cross your fingers.I set my vcr before I left and my roomate turned off my light switch that controls the power for my television and vcr.:(

My fingers are crossed......

still a no go.oh well...wait for the rerun.:)

sorry jp....:(

Hey jp! I just checked my episode out(Apartment Complex), and it works! did you have trouble playing it on your computer? or was it after you had already burned it that it wouldn't play? Let me know, maybe I can help you somehow!!:wave:

had trouble playing it on my computer.didn't even think to burn it onto disc and then it might work.whatta ya think?

I don't know...If I had trouble watching it on my computer, I probably wouldn't burn it on a disc, I'd figure that's how it's gonna be. but it's totally up to you.

I like on "Driving Reign" when Doug thinks his job is really special and asks Deacon if he feels proud of his work, and all Deac keeps saying is "I drive boxes around Queens"!

I don't know...If I had trouble watching it on my computer, I probably wouldn't burn it on a disc, I'd figure that's how it's gonna be. but it's totally up to you.

sweetd-fortunately my buddy up north recorded it and is goiing to make me a copy,so it's all good!!

cool!!!:wave:

"Paternal Affairs"

Arthur: "one!"... "two!" ..."three!"..."four!"
Arthur: What kind of an animal eats FOUR DEVILLED EGGS?!?

"Nocturnal Omission"

Doug knows Kelly is going back w/Deacon, and didn't tell him because he's about to sleep with the hot stewardess...he's struggling whether to tell Deac or not..he's really stressed when Arthur walks in......


Arthur: "Ah, Douglas, just the man I wanna see, perhaps you can help me finish up my crossword puzzle"

Doug: "Not right now Arthur"

Arthur: "But I'm tantalizingly close, the final clue is.."I Dream of Jeannie star..Larry.... BLANK?"

Doug: "HAGMAN"

Arthur: "That's what I thought but apparently the first 3 letters are BXX!" :lol:

i loved the one where doug and those were at a wedding and he took a pitchure of his uhhh ya know then blammed it on danny. and doug came open to carrie
Carrie: cant believe you
Doug: i was board to tears. i begged you to let me go look ill tell evveryone it was me ok
Carrie- wait a minuete you dont have too
Doug: wat do you mean
Carre: you said danny was a looser now just let it alone
Doug: your embarresed
Carrei: no this is not a good pitchure and does not look what im know
Doug:no im showin and tellin them
Carrie:lets take another with better lighting
later on.....
Doug:sorry to anyone i affended and to my cousin dannny. now who likes wat they see

LOL...Carrie looked SO embarrassed!!! I love that one too!!

one of my fav.eps.from last season.

Holly:You were at Woodstock?
Arthur:Yes,I worked security.It was a magical 3 days of kicking hippy ass.
Holly:WOW.
Arthur:Turns out acid really hampers a person's ability to defend themselves.
Holly:Yeah.Tell me about it.

here's another one with Holly that's pretty funny! "King Pong"


Doug keeps hitting ball after ball at her, "Come on, Look alive will ya"

Holly: (slightly crying) "Stop!!! This is just like dodgeball all over again"! then she runs out of the room!:lol:

Doug criticizing Carrie for telling too-long stories:

Doug: There's a new phrase out there you might wanna learn: "long story short!"

Carrie: Okay, here's one for you: "No thanks, I'm full!"

Doug tells Deacon to pretend to be a walrus to scare a penguin back into its cage:

Deacon: Hold on. We're both up for the role of walrus, and I get it?

Doug tells Deacon to pretend to be a walrus to scare a penguin back into its cage:

Deacon: Hold on. We're both up for the role of walrus, and I get it?

:lol:
and welcome to the board!

Doug criticizing Carrie for telling too-long stories:

Doug: There's a new phrase out there you might wanna learn: "long story short!"

Carrie: Okay, here's one for you: "No thanks, I'm full!"

:rofl:

Welcome, and great user name, by the way!! :wave:

Doug tells Deacon to pretend to be a walrus to scare a penguin back into its cage:

Deacon: Hold on. We're both up for the role of walrus, and I get it?


That's one of my favs,:lol: :lol:

:welcome:

:lol: Bilgistic pile of love meat. welcome!:wave:

Arthur: "Carrie, Doug and I need to borrow a pair of your panties for a second."
Carrie: "Dad, I'm afraid I just can't give you a bigger no."

In the episode "Window Pain" after realizing that the bathroom window is still open Carrie says:"Spank Me Hard!!!"

Recently seeing the one again about the stranger with an eyepatch that they leave outside during Thanksgiving was a real treat. That episode was funny from start to finish.

If I wrote all the lines that made me laugh out loud it would take up a whole page, so I'll just quote the one that made me laugh the hardest. It was when they are arguing about the guy outside with the eyepatch and suddenly he starts banging on the door. Someone worries out loud that maybe he heard them talking. Spence says, "Even if he heard us, how would he know we were talking about him?" And Deacon says, "Maybe the fact that we said the words "eye patch" about 600 times."

Sarcasm is my favorite type of humor, and no show does it better than KofQ in my opinion.

Recently seeing the one again about the stranger with an eyepatch that they leave outside during Thanksgiving was a real treat. That episode was funny from start to finish.

If I wrote all the lines that made me laugh out loud it would take up a whole page, so I'll just quote the one that made me laugh the hardest. It was when they are arguing about the guy outside with the eyepatch and suddenly he starts banging on the door. Someone worries out loud that maybe he heard them talking. Spence says, "Even if he heard us, how would he know we were talking about him?" And Deacon says, "Maybe the fact that we said the words "eye patch" about 600 times."

Sarcasm is my favorite type of humor, and no show does it better than KofQ in my opinion.

You read my mind...:wave:

i just saw this ep for the first time in a while the one with "Heffercan"
Deacon-you dont play raquette ball
Doug-yes i do
Deacon-yeah well what color are the balls
Doug-they vary
I LOL a whole lot

Carrie(to Doug):Fat,really fat, loose 5 pounds but still fat.

insulting but funny:lol:

Spence-i really miss Deac, the way he gets a kick out of these bud-light comercials somethin about his laugh makes it right
Doug-he is not here get over yourself
Danny-since Deacon isnt hangin out with us anymore do we move uip friend wise
Doug-NO!

Season 4 Sight Gag

(Right before Carrie goes in to have eye surgery)

Carrie: Well this is it.
Doug: Hey listen, uhm..Since you're going to be seeing clear from now on, I feel like I should warn you...(gasp)......I'm a little overweight. :lol:

Season 3 Hi-Def Jam

Spence and Lou Ferigno are grabbing some snacks at Doug's house, while the guys are playing poker.

Spence: So Lou, now that you have moved into the neighborhood, we should hit the weights together.
Lou: Hhm..I start really early in the morning
Spence: Okay that cool, here's where I'm at (while stuffing his face) I wanna work out, but I don't wanna get pumped, pumped. All those big muscles are gross....no offense
Lou: Right
Spence: See, I just wanna get ripped you know. I like Mitch Gaylord's body.
Lou: I bet you would. :lol:

From "Strike One"

Carrie: "We're returning the car"

Car Salesman: "Did you show her the roof rack?"

Doug: "Yeah, she pushed my head into it" :lol:

From "Strike One"

Carrie: "We're returning the car"

Car Salesman: "Did you show her the roof rack?"

Doug: "Yeah, she pushed my head into it" :lol:

Classic!!:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

"Mentalo Case"


Spence: "Hey guys, look what I got"
Doug: "what the hell is that?" (Spence gives the doll to Doug)
Spence: "Hello, you don't remember that from when we were kids? that's a vintage Joe Rogers action figure, circa 1975."
Doug: "ok, this isn't an action figure-it's a doll!"
Deacon:"yeah, the only action that guys gettin' is with Ken." :rofl:

*lmao* :D

Season 2-Strike 2

(Doug, who is going to be a substitute teacher, walks into the kitchen to review a lesson plan. Authur is also in the kitchen)

Authur: Douglas, I couldn't help but over hear you.........you're gonna mold young minds huh?

Doug: Yep.

Authur: Join the teachers union, have you?

Doug: (Chuckles) No.

Authur: What?! You pass yourself off as a good union man and then you turn around and scab. I would slap you right across your face if I didn't think you would, in turn, floor me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Season 1-Road Rayge

(Doug and Author are in the basement playing monopoly.)

Author is rolling the dice vigorously

Author: Six. Here we go!!! (moving the game piece) 1,2,3,4,5,6!! Park Place, I'll buy it!

Doug: Okaay, couple things.............
I already own it..............
You're not the thimple.....
And you rolled a 5.......

Author thows a tantrum and tosses the game board. Pieces and money are flying. He then has a look of disgust and looks like a 5 year kid.........

Doug then grabs another game.

Doug: Okay... scrabble. Try to keep this one on the bed.

one of the all-time greats from "Doug Less Pt.1":

Arthur:"Looking at you from behind with your buzz cut hair and your chiseled buttocks,one might mistake you for a voluptuous lady trucker."
Doug:"Okay,you know what,you've been talking about my buttocks for 5 days now.Either make your move or walk away."

and then a minute later..
Arthur:"I didn't hear a word you said you slinky son-of-a-bitch."

I've used that line on a friend of mine who lost a lot of weight about a year ago.

one of the all-time greats from "Doug Less Pt.1:

Arthur:"Looking at you from behind with your buzz cut hair and your chiseled buttocks,one might mistake you for a voluptuous lady trucker.
Doug:"Okay,you know what,you've been talking about my buttocks for 5 days now.Either make your move or walk away."

and then a minute later..
Arthur:"I didn't here a word you said you slinky son-of-a-bitch."

I've used that line on a friend of mine who lost a lot of weight about a year ago.

:lol: Those Douglass and Authur moments are priceless............

Copying from one of my posts from two years ago...

Doug: Oh God!
Carrie: What's wrong?
Doug: It's an owl...I think I'm gonna throw up.
Carrie: Who throws up from an owl?
Doug: Look, I was expecting pinecones and I got a square-shaped bird!

"Twisted Sitters"


Doug runs into Deacon's bedroom and jumps on his bed and in his high voice screeches "Sealy Posturepedic" :lol: that kills me.

don't know if this one was mentioned yet or not, but...

Doug: "look honey, I sweated myself a bra."

:lol:

:lol:






BTW...why do all the profiles say 'BANNED'? that's weird. we're banned from "humphrey yo-garts" :lol:

:lol:

BTW...why do all the profiles say 'BANNED'? that's weird. we're banned from "humphrey yo-garts" :lol:

Carrie:"You're banned from there,too."
Doug:"Okay,I shoulda thought this thru."

I think their is a fungus among us.

Banned In The U.S.A.!!!

hahaha-you crack me up. :lol:



Carrie:"wanna keep tawkin? cause now You're banned from bagel king"
Doug:"NO WAY they've done nothing to you!!"
Carrie:"yeah, well, they don't serve light cream cheese, that annoys me":lol:

is us being banned some kinda LAME April Fool's thing? :rolleyes: :lol:

is us being banned some kinda LAME April Fool's thing? :rolleyes: :lol:

Yep. :lol:

Why I oughta....:bash:

Why I oughta....:bash:





"HOW DARE YOU!!!!" :nonono: :lol:

For a second yesterday I thought the whole "banned" thing was real, but then I saw that everybody else had it and remembered what day it was.

Anybody want some "Tub Turkey"? :)

No thanks, but "Get out of the butter" :lol: damn cats. :lol: :D

Ed:"Why can't you dress like that to pick berries?":lol:

:lol: that guy was funny!


Betty: "Carrie still hasn't come down yet?"
Doug: "She's puttin' her face on, you know how long that takes."
Ed: "I wish this one would take a little more time, she just rolls on down, lookin' like hell." :rotflmao:

:lol: that guy was funny!


Betty: "Carrie still hasn't come down yet?"
Doug: "She's puttin' her face on, you know how long that takes."
Ed: "I wish this one would take a little more time, she just rolls on down, lookin' like hell." :rotflmao:

:lol: :lol:

"Inn Escapable" is one of my new favorite episodes.

I liked when Doug was trying to sign in and Marmalade kept getting in his way.

Doug: "Doug Heffer is fine" :D

Doug: "Doug Heffer is fine" :D :lol:


Doug:"Relax."
Carrie:"Don't tell me to relax!!"
Doug:"Alright, how does settle down work for ya?" :lol: what a smart a$$!! I love it!!:)

"Deacon Blues" (everyone thought Deacon was cheating)


Doug to Carrie:"He's had as much sex with her as I've had with your dad...and that's NONE!! :rotflmao:


:lol:

Hello All,
I'm new to the forum. I love The King of Queens! My favorite sitcom of all time! This sitcom captures the essence of married life for me...at least my married life. My wife is very much like Leah's character, Carrie...same spicy attitude and the figure to go along with it. I think that's why this show hits so close to home for me!

One of my favorite exchanges between Doug and Carrie was on the episode, "Deacon Blues"...can't recall which season, but I have it on DVD. Doug, Carrie, Deacon, Kelly, and Arthur are enjoying a brunch at Doug and Carrie's house, and Deacon and Doug are being uncharacteristically quiet.

Carrie: What's going on with you two, you haven't eaten a thing?
Doug: Um, You know what, I'm not hungry.
Carrie: I'm sorry, what?
Doug: I'm not hungry, 's that allowed?
Carrie: It's allowed, I've just never heard you say it.

Michael

welcome!! :wave:

:lol: good one!!


Welcome to the board Spooner!! You'll love it here, although you should know, we're all pretty bad King of Queens junkies. :lol: You'll fit in fine. ;)



:welcome:

Thanks for the welcome guys! I do love this show, and everything about it...the characters, the writing, the set, etc. It's just a great sitcom!

Michael

Hands down, one of the best!

Doug is a subsitute teacher. "Strike Two"

Principle: "You do not have the power to suspend anyone and you certainly don't have the power to leave anyone back a grade."
Doug: "I now know that for next time!"

That has got to be one of the best!

"Dire Strayts"

Richie is about to cut Doug out of the attic:



Carrie:"I better get down there, make sure he doesn't cut off anything I need!":lol:

Doug: This is brutal. Now I either gotta fire my wife, or just let the team fall apart. It's like...it's like Sophie's Choice.
Deacon: Not really.
Doug: No? What was Sophie's Choice again?
Spence: She had to decide which of her children to give to the Nazis.
Doug: Ok, yeah, that's harder.

:rofl:

Arthur: (calling Doug) "DOUGLAS!"
Doug:"What?"
Arthur:"Could ya come here for a minute?"
Doug:"I'm busy"
Arthur:"You're dizzy?"
Doug:"BUSY!"
Arthur: DIZZY?"
Doug:"BUSY WITH A B"
Arthur: "Dizzy?"
Doug:".....Yes, I'm dizzy."

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Ok, well I dont' know *exactly* how it goes, but I think it's really funny and I say it all the time, here it goes: (DOUG) "How great is this...a booth...I mean, a chair is great, but a booth...it's like a vacation for your ass." :lol: :lol:

Arthur: (calling Doug) "DOUGLAS!"
Doug:"What?"
Arthur:"Could ya come here for a minute?"
Doug:"I'm busy"
Arthur:"You're dizzy?"
Doug:"BUSY!"
Arthur: DIZZY?"
Doug:"BUSY WITH A B"
Arthur: "Dizzy?"
Doug:".....Yes, I'm dizzy."

:lol: :lol: :lol:


HAHA! That reminds me of the one where Doug is trying to tell Arthur how to record a game with the vcr, over the phone. But Arthur unplugged it, etc. :lol:

"Whine Country"


Doug keeps referring to the R.V. as a "she".


Carrie:"She?"
Doug:"Yep"
Carrie:"Ok, unless 'she' has boobies and a uterus, that has to stop."

:rofl:

Carrie: He needed a place to have sex so you suggested our garage?
Doug: Well, first I suggested the sex...the garage came later.
Carrie: Oh, I see. So Spence was going along fine, having a nice relationship, then you said, "Spence, romance tip for ya: Why don't you try to hump her next to our lawn mower."

:lol: :lol:

Arthur and Spence are pretending to be father and son for half price shoes.

Arthur(to spence) :"you're the fruit of my loins....emphasis on fruit." :lol:

Doug-big and tall?
Carrie-no i got something for myself from there
Doug-oh yeah what?!
Carrie-a barret
Doug-when did i make the cross over?
Carrie-2 christmases ago
Doug-man i thought i was like the biggest size at macy's
Carrie-come on it's not that bad shoppin at the big and tall
Doug-oh really? well im certainly not tall
Carrie-wat are ya 6/2
Doug-im 5/9
Aurther-why are we even having this conversation the man is Garganchous

"Strike One''

Quickie Burger:"So cancel the 4 and substitute a 3?"
Doug:"When did you hear the word 'cancel'?" :lol:

"Animal Attraction"


Carrie:"That's me-always lookin' for that special guy leanin' up against a dumpster!"
Guy: http://www.sendspace.com/file/80ogxj :lol: :lol:

"Animal Attraction"


Carrie:"That's me-always lookin' for that special guy leanin' up against a dumpster!"
Guy: http://www.sendspace.com/file/80ogxj :lol: :lol:

That was a hilarious scene!

Carrie (outside behind night club):"If I stay in there I might do something I'll regret"

Guy: "Wanna do something out here you'll regret?"

Carrie: "OK, back off Fonzie, I'm happily married." :lol:

:lol: :lol:

Guy:"That's why you're out here hittin' on me on Valentine's day!"

Boy,we did the whole scene,just in reverse. LOL

Yes, I still get amazed at how easily KOQ scenes from years ago still stick in my head. :eek:

Net Prophets
Doug:now stay with me here, double d breast implants
(pause)
Carrie: Why, yours are so nice and perky
:lol:

"Eddie Money"

On the elevator.....

Kaplan:"Isn't this your floor?"
Carrie:"Sho is."

:lol:

that's ghetto Carrie.:)

"Eddie Money"

On the elevator.....

Kaplan:"Isn't this your floor?"
Carrie:"Sho is."

:lol:

that's ghetto Carrie.:)

Yeah, and I loved it when Doug was paying Eddie Money and he said, "Hey, money for Money," and Eddie Money said, "I don't follow." :crazy:

:lol:

They really have a "Hey Eddie" thing goin' on the show.
I found this pic.

Doug:"Shut up Hey Eddie's!!!"

I love it when Doug picks on Carrie's choice of words!

Carrie: I don't want my boss in my home! That's MY turf!
Doug: "Your turf?" OK when exactly did you become "Pinky Tuscadero?"

(paraphrased)
Carrie: Doug, how could you go over there and associate with my arch-enemy?
Doug: "Arch-enemy?" Who are you, Catwoman?!

I love it when Doug picks on Carrie's choice of words!

Carrie: I don't want my boss in my home! That's MY turf!
Doug: "Your turf?" OK when exactly did you become "Pinky Tuscadero?"

(paraphrased)
Carrie: Doug, how could you go over there and associate with my arch-enemy?
Doug: "Arch-enemy?" Who are you, Catwoman?!

:lol: :lol: I love them ones!!

Carrie: (looking into the machine at the DMV to check her eyesight) That's um...Y...E...D...H...and, uh, is that a dollar sign? Are those in there now?
DMV Woman: Do you wear glasses or contact lenses you don't have in right now?
Carrie: Um, I have glasses, but I don't need them to drive. I can see fine. It's Y, E, D, H...dollar sign.

:lol: :lol:

Arthur Spooner: Ah, Paris. I haven't been back there since we liberated her in '44. The City Of Lights knew peace once more. I also got the clap, but that's a another story for another time. :lol: :lol:

the two previous posts are hilarious!!!:lol:


:rofl:

Hey, everybody, I just started watching KoQ about a year ago via reruns, and I love it!!

I just saw 'Fat City' and cracked up at one of Arthur's many funny lines...

Carrie makes spagetti for Doug & Arthur and she made fish & broccoli for herself.

Arthur:Why aren't you having spagetti?
Carrie:I'm on a diet.
Arthur:You kids and your diets, in my day, you dropped dead of a massive coronary in your 50's and you liked it!!!

It went something like that.

well HELLO phoebe7165!!!!! and nice qoute by the way and i love the ones sweetdiggity pointed out:)

well HELLO phoebe7165!!!!! and nice qoute by the way and i love the ones sweetdiggity pointed out:)

THANKS!! I also heard another funny line last night but it wasn't Doug, Carrie or Arthur, but Spence instead...

"TiVo thinks I'm gay"!!

My sister kept telling me about this episode and I finally saw it!!

:welcome:

LOVE that Spence quote!! :lol:

Spence(to Tivo):"How dare you label me!!! You're gay!!!" :lol:

Carrie: (looking into the machine at the DMV to check her eyesight) That's um...Y...E...D...H...and, uh, is that a dollar sign? Are those in there now?
DMV Woman: Do you wear glasses or contact lenses you don't have in right now?
Carrie: Um, I have glasses, but I don't need them to drive. I can see fine. It's Y, E, D, H...dollar sign.

:lol: :lol:

And....
Carrie:"Not a lot of little eye charts on the side of the road." :lol:

Carrie:"Ask my husband-am I not a great driver?"
(pause)
Doug:"Well,you certainly have your own....style."

:rotflmao:

Sweetdiggity, your Leah quote "you're a putz" reminded me of another favorite Carrie line.

When Carrie agreed to babysit Kaplan's kid:

Doug: "But Carrie, you hate kids."
Carrie: "Not this one; I'm ridin' this little putz all the way to the top." :p

:lol: At least she's honest.....:)




"Arthur,Spooner"

Carrie is firing everyone and gets annoyed with the cleaning lady and fires her too:

Carrie:"You know what-you're done too-hit it!!"
lady:"No habla ingles!"
Carrie:"Oh you habla now honey!!"

gets me everytime!! :rofl:

I love this quote.

Arthur: "According to this calendar, Jesus is coming tomorrow"

Carrie: "That Jesus, the furnace guy"

:rotflmao:

"Thanks,Man"

Everyone's at the table eating Thanksgiving dinner.Danny is watching football on his little TV:

Danny:"OH YOU FUMBLIN' BITCH!!"

:rofl: :rotflmao:

Doug to Carrie:

"Arch enemy? who are you, catwoman?!"

Doug to Carrie:

"Arch enemy? who are you, catwoman?!"
LOL on yester day
Carrie-cant believe you were in their pool?!
Doug-it was'nt just a pool it was liquid heaven(doin something with his hads) LOL:lol:

"Holy Mackerel"

Carrie:"You are such a hypocrite-you get on my back about shoes and you're praying for a football game?"
Doug:"Oh please-shoes are way more petty than a football game!"
Carrie:"Is not! Can you wear a football game?"
Doug:"Can you spend an ENTIRE sunday watching shoes??"
Carrie:"YES I CAN!"

:lol:

"Holy Mackerel"

Carrie:"You are such a hypocrite-you get on my back about shoes and you're praying for a football game?"
Doug:"Oh please-shoes are way more petty than a football game!"
Carrie:"Is not! Can you wear a football game?"
Doug:"Can you spend an ENTIRE sunday watching shoes??"
Carrie:"YES I CAN!"

:lol:

Such a classic!!!! :lol:

I can't remember the exact quote....

After Lou read Arthur's script 'Reconsidering Sandy':

Lou: ...It was confusing
Arthur: why, what's the problem?
Lou: Well, first off, there are three characters named Mike. :lol:

hahaha!

Doug to carrie-where's the Bucket?
Carrie- i didn;t go to KFC i went to the Fresh and healthy cafe
Doug-WHat!
Carrie-whats wrong with that
Doug-1fresh 2healthy 3cafe.
Deacon-here is some money to help out
Doug-no no! dont reward her for this.
Doug comes in after work to get coffee
Doug-oh coffee, (drinks some thens spits it out
Doug-Unm its cold(picks the bag up)and its caffine free, its a miss miss.

I love when Carrie is pretending to be having a good time with Arthur playing Scrabble (cause she was upset that Holly likes spending time with him)...and says something like:

"I loves me some Pop!"

During that episode with the Russian mold removal company:

Carrie: Where are they?
Doug: Maybe they didn't feel like russian.
Carrie: Do you have to make a Russian joke every morning.
Doug: Yes, I do.

and

Arthur: Where are you guys?
Carrie: Just follow the tape I put down.
Arthur: It's taking me in circles.
Carrie: No, its not.
Doug: Actually it is, payback for the allowance thing.

Margie: You must be excited that your Mom's coming into town.
Doug: Yeah, I am. How'd you know she was coming in?
Margie: We keep in touch.
Doug: Really?
Margie: Yeah, you know...Christmas cards, funny e-mails. Does she send you guys the Joke of the Day?
Doug: Uh...no. Not since we...blocked her from our computer.

:rofl:

Margie: You must be excited that your Mom's coming into town.
Doug: Yeah, I am. How'd you know she was coming in?
Margie: We keep in touch.
Doug: Really?
Margie: Yeah, you know...Christmas cards, funny e-mails. Does she send you guys the Joke of the Day?
Doug: Uh...no. Not since we...blocked her from our computer.

:rofl: :lol: :lol:

Doug shows Carrie the 2nd set of Hofferman pictures...

Carrie:"Good God!! I'm not doin' any of those things!"
Doug:"But Mrs Hofferman did."
Carrie:"Yeah, well, I'm not a HO!"
Doug:"And I'm not a scuba diver, but guess what we did last saturday, sister? Yeah, get some rest!!"

:rofl: :lol:

Does anybody know what episode Doug says this in:
"It do NOT get better than this!"
or am I just making it up? :-P

"Prints Charming"


Doug:"I'm gettin' this."
Carrie:"A ball?"
Doug:"Yeah, I'm gettin' a ball."
Carrie:"Alright, put it back."
Doug:"Not puttin' back!"
Carrie:"What do you need a ball for?"
Doug:"For bouncing!"
Carrie:"Put it back!!"
Doug:"Fine, if I'm not allowed to get a ball, then you're not alllowed to get.... your tampons!! Yeah-bye bye sure and natural for light days!"


:lol: :lol: :lol:

"Prints Charming"


Doug:"I'm gettin' this."
Carrie:"A ball?"
Doug:"Yeah, I'm gettin' a ball."
Carrie:"Alright, put it back."
Doug:"Not puttin' back!"
Carrie:"What do you need a ball for?"
Doug:"For bouncing!"
Carrie:"Put it back!!"
Doug:"Fine, if I'm not allowed to get a ball, then you're not alllowed to get.... your tampons!! Yeah-bye bye sure and natural for light days!"


:lol: :lol: :lol:

:rotflmao:

Arthur Spooner: Ah, Paris. I haven't been back there since we liberated her in '44. The City Of Lights knew peace once more. I also got the clap, but that's a another story for another time. :lol: :lol:

:brent :rofl:

"King Pong"


Carrie(to Doug) :"Seriously, is our mail man a boy or a girl? 'Cause I'm leanin' towards boy again!":lol:



Doug:"I knew what I was gettin' when I married Carrie, she's in charge, she runs the show, and I'm good with that. It's just...sports has always been my thing, and now that she can beat me at a game as stupid as ping pong, it's like....."

Arthur:"Like you might as well pull up your testicles like a venetian blind?"

:rofl: :rofl:

"King Pong"

Arthur:"Like you might as well pull up your testicles like a venetian blind?"

When I was watching that ep. with my brother a few weeks ago, he had to rewind and play that a couple of times. :lol: CLASSIC!!

Doug scams aurther to tell carrie what he wants.

Aurther-I want PIZZA!
Aurther-I want CHINEESE!
Aurther-I want you to have sex with Dougless!!!
lol sorry if this was previously posted.

Doug and carrie are out buying a new bed
Salesman-you laydown. and sir take off your shoes and jump up and down.\
(doug starts to jump)
Salesman-now do you feel anything
Carrie-does frightned count?

Doug and carrie are out buying a new bed
Salesman-you laydown. and sir take off your shoes and jump up and down.\
(doug starts to jump)
Salesman-now do you feel anything
Carrie-does frightned count? :lol: :lol: I've always loved that one!!



When I was watching that ep. with my brother a few weeks ago, he had to rewind and play that a couple of times. :lol: CLASSIC!!

Arthur:And are you "my brother"? :lol: :joke:

"Secret Garden"

Doug:"Oh my god!! He's got vaginas in jars!!!"
Deacon:"I think those are peaches."
Doug:"Oh...oh yeah."


:lol: :lol: :lol:

I love this quote, don't know why, it just kills me!! :lol:

Pilot Episode

(talking about Arthur)

Doug:"What's the matter?"
Carrie:"Doug, upstairs it just hit me. I ...can't do this to him, I can't stick him in some crappy place where they're just gonna prop him up in a chair and pump him full of jell-o!"

:rofl: :rofl: :rotflmao:

Doug-it was a papper ghost for godsakes his face is painted on, look he's smilin see, HOW DOO!:lol:

I'm not sure if anyone mentioned this one:

Arthur: Carrie I'm going to need to borrow one of your knitting needles.

Carrie: Don't know what you need it for but throw it out when you're done.

Doug: Good call on that.

Loved that episode!!!

Arthur: Long story short, all the shag carpet is now the same length.

LOL. I just saw that episode for the first time last night - I couldn't believe any episodes exsisted that I hadn't seen!:D

"Awed Couple"

Carrie:"I can't believe there are no other couples to hang out with!"
Doug:"We could always call Neil and Marcy."
Carrie:"Neil and Marcy... are you crazy?!"
Doug:"I'm just sayin', they loved us!"
Carrie:"Yeah, too much! They named their cats after us for God sake!"
Doug:"Those cats are dead by now, at least Carrie is, she got pregnant like 30 times."

:rofl:

Dog Shelter, Season 5
Scene at Doug's parents house after they tell him that his beloved dog Rocky was actually Rocky 4, that he had to repeat kindergarten, and was born in Montreal, Canada...

Carrie: "Well, don't be too hard on them hunny.." (puts hand on Doug's arm)
Doug: "You know what, don't touch me."
Carrie: "What? Why are you mad at me?!"
Doug: "Oh maybe because before you brought this whole thing up my life was perfect, I was an American citizen with a 27 year old dog who just happened to be the biggest kid in Superkindergarten!"

Flash Photography, Season 5
Doug and his mom are on the dancefloor at Carrie's friend's wedding...

(soft dance music playing)

Mom: "Ah, what could be better then dancing with my son"
Doug: "Alright Mom lets keep the hands at 10 and 2"
DJ: "Okay who wants to shake their groove thang?!"
Mom:"Ooh I do, I do!!"

Band plays "Shake Your Groove Thang" as Doug's mom starts jammin out, arms flailing...

Mom: "Come on Dougie!"
Doug: "Uhh i think i left my groove thang on the table and i'm pretty sure you don't have one..."
Mom: "Come on, don't be such a negative nelly"
Doug: (grabs Spence) "Hey, Spence my mom wants to dance with you"
Spence: "Sweeet"

I was drinking water while watching that scene and burst out laughing when I saw Doug's Mom dancing...its hilarious!

One of my all-time favorites:

"Parent Trapped"


Carrie:"What if, God forbid, something did happen to Deacon and Kelly? Are you really ready to raise two kids?"
Doug:"Nothing's gonna happen to them!"
Carrie:"What if, God forbid, something did?"
Doug:"NOTHING WILL!"
Carrie:"You wanna tell the kids on Party of Five that? Hmm??"
Doug:"Touche. Well, if God forbid something happened to them, I guess we'll just have to deal with it."
Carrie:"That's a lot to deal with!"
Doug:"I know, but if God forbid-"
Carrie:"You know what, let's ease up on the God forbids.":rolleyes:

:rotflmao:

The episode where Carrie finds out that the line Doug won her over with was from an Eric Estrada movie:

Carrie--Did you know when we were first dating I had another guy who was interested in me who is now a doctor in Manhatten and owns a boat. But I chose you because of that line.

Doug--That's gotta sting.


Also the episode with Carrie's botched eye surgery when Arthur keeps yelling "Don't help her!"

"Ovary Action"


Carrie:"Hop on in, Butch."
Doug:"Oh God, it's creaky!"
Carrie:"That's ok, just come on!"
Doug:"It's not gonna hold us!"
Carrie:"Just go slow, come on!"

(Doug gets on the futon)

Carrie:"Ya see, it stopped."
Doug:"Yeah, that's 'cause I'm just layin' here. Once we start doin' stuff it's gonna sound like Geppetto's workshop in here."

:rofl: :rotflmao:

does anybody know the quote at the end of the episode "Business Affairs" (season 5 ep6). its when doug and carrie are comparing their top 20 favorite things to see how much they have in common. i love the part when carrie says sunsets, and doug says new car smell. but i dont know the exact words of the quote. if anyone knows, please let me know. thanks

does anybody know the quote at the end of the episode "Business Affairs" (season 5 ep6). its when doug and carrie are comparing their top 20 favorite things to see how much they have in common. i love the part when carrie says sunsets, and doug says new car smell. but i dont know the exact words of the quote. if anyone knows, please let me know. thanks

Doug: New Car Smell.
Carrie: What?!
Doug: I cant believe you! You see a freakin sunset everyday of your life. New car smell, now that's special!"

You kind of have to watch the clip live, the quote doesn't do it justice. But, if you know Janet's accent, this was where she was visiting Doug and Carrie while Carrie was trying to lose her accent. It was hilarious! I tried my best with how she said the words and how they punched them out. Season 8, Gambling N'Diction

Janet: I'll make a pot of coffee and you and I can have a nice long tawk.
Carrie: Actually Janet, I *ordered* *coffee*.
Janet: You order cawfee? Thats crazy tawk. I can make ya some cawfee right here.
Carrie: You know, just make some tea then.
Janet: Alright, I'll put a kettle on. You know who we saw today in Midtown today walking right down the street. Bea Arthur. She's the lady who played Maud. You watch Maud right?
Carrie: Ahha Aha.
Janet: She was walkin her dawg. A Yorkie I think.

Also:
Arthur: You know what I call Sunday?
Doug: What?
Arthur: Fun-day!
(puts feet up with huge 4s on the button of each)
Doug: Okay, first question, why do your socks have giant 4s at the buttom?
Arthur: As a sock evolves, it either becomes a left or right sock. Thats why I put numbers on them.
Doug: How does that tell you which to put on each foot?
Arthur: Look Douglas, my system has its faults. I came at this from every angle and theres no other way.
Doug: You could just label it with an L or an R.
Arthur: Well there goes my Fun-day!
Doug: It's Saturday!

Hahaha! Not exactly correct, but close.

OK, I know I'm not going to have these totally correct....

Arthur(to Doug): You know, with your buzz-cut hair and your chiseled buttocks, from behind I might mistake you for a lady trucker.
Doug:OK, you've been talking about my buttocks for 4 days, either make your move or walk away.

Same episode:
Deacon:Acid-wash jeans. What are you going to an REO Speedwagon concert?

When Doug is telling Carrie about his arch enemy from school and he's telling her about her enemies.

Doug:We can't go to Lorenzo's anymore because you said they put too much cheese on the pizza. Too much cheese? Insanity!!

In the same episode...

Arthur to Kirby and Major:So where do you guys hail from?

Doug - "I think I packed to fast. I have 7 shirts, 12 pair of socks, and no pants or underwear."

Arthur - "You know, we're quite a team. Like Jake and the Fatman. Needless to say, I'm Jake."

Carrie: "Say What?"

Arthur - "You know, we're quite a team. Like Jake and the Fatman. Needless to say, I'm Jake."

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Good one. I completely forgot that I ever started a thread like this.

Arthur: What's your name again?

Sanjib: Sanjib.

Arthur: Sinbad?

Sanjib: Sanjib!

Arthur: Sandjob?

Arthur: What's your name again?

Sanjib: Sanjib.

Arthur: Sinbad?

Sanjib: Sanjib!

Arthur: Sandjob?

Hahaha, and he still expected to mentor the poor guy!

Carrie - "Is that how you take a bath?"
Spence -"Yes."
Carrie - "You look like Ernie from Sesame Street."
Spence - "Hey, what did I do to you?"

A Veronica & Arthur quote about Spence:

A Doug quote:

Carrie: Doug, what the hell are you doing here? What is this place?
Doug: Didn't I tell you about this? It's just a little hangout, you know. I come here to unwind like once in a blue moon.
Carrie: You're getting mail here. And you have a turtle and throw pillows that say "Home Sweet Home”.
Doug: That was a housewarming gift.
Carrie: You had a housewarming party?
Doug: Just the neighbors. You wouldn't have known anyone.
Carrie: Doug, what else don't I know about? I mean, you have another wife? Is there a Doug Jr. at soccer practice?
Doug: You're overreacting
Carrie: I'm overreacting? I just found out my husband has another life!
Doug: (phone rings) Another life. That's crazy. (Doug answers) Hello? Wo men kuh boo kuk ee wan dien zal shuwo zal jian.