I'm officially hanging out my shingle folks! I am now an "official question answering advice giving guy!"
Okay, still working on the title.
Let's dig into the mailbag and answer a question.

Dear TJL,

I'm thinking of taking up an instrument for my High School marching band this fall, but I don't know which instrument to play. Any suggetions?

- Confused in Colorado

Dear Confused,

Good question my band joining amigo.
With so many instruments to choose from, you want an instrument that will set you apart from the others, yet compliments the sound of the band.
I suggest a cannon!
All the best College marching bands have cannons. West Point shoots theirs off before, during and after the game. Heck, what's a good fight song without the ear splitting blast from you, the Cannonmaster, star of the band!
So I suggest you ask your Band Teacher person if you can try out for first cannon. Your school doesn't have a cannon? Then you should take some initiative and bring your own. I'm sure you can get one on E-bay.

Musically yours,
TJL

TJL is here to answer your questions!
TJL will solve your problems!
TJL likes pudding, but that's a topic for another time!

;)

(Got a question? Shoot TJL a PM, and he'll do his best to answer it. For entertainment purposes only.)

Dear TJL,
Last night I started rolling around in Clay pictures on my bed. At some point it started to feel really good. Am I wierd?

Sincerely, Feeling Good

Originally posted by ¤MsConanOBrien¤
Dear TJL,
Last night I started rolling around in Clay pictures on my bed. At some point it started to feel really good. Am I wierd?

Sincerely, Feeling Good

:rofl:

Originally posted by ¤MsConanOBrien¤
Dear TJL,
Last night I started rolling around in Clay pictures on my bed. At some point it started to feel really good. Am I wierd?

Sincerely, Feeling Good :rotflmao:

Dear TJL:

My friend on here has an addiction and its taking over his life! He cant live a day without giving in to his addiction. Its scaring me. Last night, he tore up the kitchen cabinet looking for a filler to satisfy him. Ive tried everything. Promises wont take him back, and the patch seems to be a lost cause. I cry for hours on end, and havent slept in 2 months (though some nights Im rolling around in my bed enjoying myself)-- we need help. Im doing everything I can to support him, yet he doesnt seem to give back. Its killing me inside. For a while I supplied his stash, but now hes out of control! He even took my $300 golden glazed collection! :mad: I gave him the cold shoulder for a week when he pulled that one off. Im trying to ignore him, but he keeps begging me back saying, without his supply and dealer, he has 'nothing.' I dont know what to do! Ever since hes tried to cut back, hes gotten so bitchy and listless. Im at a roads end with this one. HELP ME!!

Signed,
Friend of Munchy for minchia

Dear TJL,

Are you thirsty?

Sincerely,
Curious

Dear TJL,
I have a friend...We'll call her "Gemstone" for the time being...Anyway, plainly put, Gemstone has a thing for my boyfriend. I mean, she's always talking about him, telling everyone how much she looooooooves him, and now I hear she's rolling around on her bed in pictures of him?! I don't know what her intentions are, but we're madly in love and I won't let her tear us apart. He tells me that she's freaking him out. He's been getting obscene phone calls and strange packages (doughnuts, underwear....something called a minchia--we still haven't figured that one out) outside his door and we think that this little hussy is responsible. Anyways, the poor baby is scared to death. My boy is very sensitive and I don't want him getting hurt by this psycho. This situation is distressing us. I may have to resort to violence. How can I get this crazy woman to leave me and my sweetheart alone?

Sincerly,
Irritated in Illinois

Originally posted by TradingMooses
Dear TJL,
I have a friend...We'll call her "Gemstone" for the time being...Anyway, plainly put, Gemstone has a thing for my boyfriend. I mean, she's always talking about him, telling everyone how much she looooooooves him, and now I hear she's rolling around on her bed in pictures of him?! I don't know what her intentions are, but we're madly in love and I won't let her tear us apart. He tells me that she's freaking him out. He's been getting obscene phone calls and strange packages (doughnuts, underwear....something called a minchia--we still haven't figured that one out) outside his door and we think that this little hussy is responsible. Anyways, the poor baby is scared to death. My boy is very sensitive and I don't want him getting hurt by this psycho. This situation is distressing us. I may have to resort to violence. How can I get this crazy woman to leave me and my sweetheart alone?

Sincerly,
Irritated in Illinois I..... I dont know what youre talking about!!

Originally posted by TradingMooses
Dear TJL,
I have a friend...We'll call her "Gemstone" for the time being...Anyway, plainly put, Gemstone has a thing for my boyfriend. I mean, she's always talking about him, telling everyone how much she looooooooves him, and now I hear she's rolling around on her bed in pictures of him?! I don't know what her intentions are, but we're madly in love and I won't let her tear us apart. He tells me that she's freaking him out. He's been getting obscene phone calls and strange packages (doughnuts, underwear....something called a minchia--we still haven't figured that one out) outside his door and we think that this little hussy is responsible. Anyways, the poor baby is scared to death. My boy is very sensitive and I don't want him getting hurt by this psycho. This situation is distressing us. I may have to resort to violence. How can I get this crazy woman to leave me and my sweetheart alone?

Sincerly,
Irritated in Illinois
:rofl:

Originally posted by ¤MsConanOBrien¤
Dear TJL,
Last night I started rolling around in Clay pictures on my bed. At some point it started to feel really good. Am I wierd?

Sincerely, Feeling Good

LOL :lol: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

Here's one I found on the mailroom floor:

Dear TJL,

Does my butt look too small in these pants?

Yours (or Mark's, Ben's, Cris' or Sean's),
Jenny from the Block

Dear TJL,

What should I do? I'm gonna probably have a babysitter until I'm 18? :lol: No, really, I'm serious!!

Originally posted by ¤MsConanOBrien¤
Dear TJL:

My friend on here has an addiction and its taking over his life! He cant live a day without giving in to his addiction. Its scaring me. Last night, he tore up the kitchen cabinet looking for a filler to satisfy him. Ive tried everything. Promises wont take him back, and the patch seems to be a lost cause. I cry for hours on end, and havent slept in 2 months (though some nights Im rolling around in my bed enjoying myself)-- we need help. Im doing everything I can to support him, yet he doesnt seem to give back. Its killing me inside. For a while I supplied his stash, but now hes out of control! He even took my $300 golden glazed collection! :mad: I gave him the cold shoulder for a week when he pulled that one off. Im trying to ignore him, but he keeps begging me back saying, without his supply and dealer, he has 'nothing.' I dont know what to do! Ever since hes tried to cut back, hes gotten so bitchy and listless. Im at a roads end with this one. HELP ME!!

Signed,
Friend of Munchy for minchia

Thank you for keeping that anonymous.

... I am so tempted to do this. :o

:lol:

Originally posted by TradingMooses
Sincerly,

Deer TJL,

I hav thes frend who can't spel werth shyt. It's relly annoing me too know end. Whut should I dew? Should I confrunt her about it? Pssshhh she relly kneads to recognise!

Sincerrely,
Hoo-man Dickshionarie

Originally posted by Kaffeine Kay
Deer TJL,

I hav thes frend who can't spel werth shyt. It's relly annoing me too know end. Whut should I dew? Should I confrunt her about it? Pssshhh she relly kneads to recognise!

Sincerrely,
Hoo-man Dickshionarie

:rofl:

Originally posted by Idol Fanatic
:rofl:

Ar yew laghing at me?! Wunt two take thes too the rooghtop bich?

Originally posted by Kaffeine Kay
Ar yew laghing at me?! Wunt two take thes too the rooghtop bich?

you better be careful because I'm hungry.

Originally posted by Idol Fanatic
you better be careful because I'm hungry.

Is that Booben?

Originally posted by Kaffeine Kay
Is that Booben?

yep. Booben Stewgard (as the guy on jeopardy would say)

Originally posted by Idol Fanatic
yep. Booben Stewgard (as the guy on jeopardy would say)

Stewgard?! :lol: Oh man.

Originally posted by Kaffeine Kay
Deer TJL,

I hav thes frend who can't spel werth shyt. It's relly annoing me too know end. Whut should I dew? Should I confrunt her about it? Pssshhh she relly kneads to recognise!

Sincerrely,
Hoo-man Dickshionarie
ppl hu dun no how 2 sple rite nees 2 get a lyf.:mad:

Dear TJL,
May I adopt you?:D


Regards, Penny Lane



;)

Originally posted by Kaffeine Kay
Deer TJL,

I hav thes frend who can't spel werth shyt. It's relly annoing me too know end. Whut should I dew? Should I confrunt her about it? Pssshhh she relly kneads to recognise!

Sincerrely,
Hoo-man Dickshionarie Whoe our yew tawking aboot?

Originally posted by TradingMooses
Whoe our yew tawking aboot?

psssh yoo, eediot! lerne too spel!

Originally posted by Idol Fanatic
Thank you for keeping that anonymous. Anything for my soul sista.

My, my, we've got some interesting new mail today!
Let's try to answer a few questions:

Dear TJL,
Last night I started rolling around in Clay pictures on my bed. At some point it started to feel really good. Am I wierd?

Sincerely, Feeling Good

Dear Good,

No you shouldn't feel wierd. If Randy Jackson does it, then you can too.

;)

Originally posted by TJL
My, my, we've got some interesting new mail today!
Let's try to answer a few questions:

Dear TJL,
Last night I started rolling around in Clay pictures on my bed. At some point it started to feel really good. Am I wierd?

Sincerely, Feeling Good

Dear Good,

No you shouldn't feel wierd. If Randy Jackson does it, then you can too.

;) PHEW. Im so glad Im normal. :) And Randy Jackson has my pictures?!:mad: :mad: :mad:

Originally posted by TJL
My, my, we've got some interesting new mail today!
Let's try to answer a few questions:

Dear TJL,
Last night I started rolling around in Clay pictures on my bed. At some point it started to feel really good. Am I wierd?

Sincerely, Feeling Good

Dear Good,

No you shouldn't feel wierd. If Randy Jackson does it, then you can too.

;) I just lol-ed for real.

Keep those questions coming boys and girls!

Dear TJL,

What should I do? I'm gonna probably have a babysitter until I'm 18? :lol: No, really, I'm serious!!

I had the same problem. Except he was more of a "probation officer" than a babysitter.

;)

Deer TJL,

I hav thes frend who can't spel werth shyt. It's relly annoing me too know end. Whut should I dew? Should I confrunt her about it? Pssshhh she relly kneads to recognise!

Sincerrely,
Hoo-man Dickshionarie

Dear Hoo,

Either your friend has a severe case of dyslexia, or she was educated in the public school system.
If it's the second one, then I can't help her.

;)

Dear TJL,
May I adopt you?:D


Regards, Penny Lane



Dear Penny,

Mom? Is that you?

;)

Originally posted by TJL
Dear TJL,
May I adopt you?:D


Regards, Penny Lane



Dear Penny,

Mom? Is that you?

;) :rofl:

Originally posted by TJL
Dear TJL,
May I adopt you?:D


Regards, Penny Lane



Dear Penny,

Mom? Is that you?

;)

:rofl:

Okay, here's my question.


Dear TJL,

Will you marry me?

Signed, Wanting to Marry TJL

Dear TJL

I have a couple of crazy kids here at home. How can I quiet them down? ;)

Dear TJL,

What is the point of recycling bins in this city, anyway, if no one is going to use them?

Signed,
Desparate For Clean Air

Dear TJL,
Im madly in love with my pencil. I almost proposed to it! Last night, I woke up and I found myself kissing it!

Sincerley,
love-Hungry Stranger

Dear TJL

I have a couple of crazy kids here at home. How can I quiet them down? ;)

Dear parent with the red type,

Since I once sat near a kid on the subway, I like to think I know a thing or two about children.

It seems to me like your kids may be restless and board. Perhaps they're not getting enough outside stimuli. Young minds need new expereinces.
My suggestion is to give them everything they want.
Toys, games, DVDs whatever.
Nothing staves off the summertime blues like a Gamecube with some ultraviolent M rated games.
Some shiny new bicycles would totally kick ass.
Take them to the mall and break out the credit cards!
When your kids see you're willing to to anything for them, they're bound to give you the respect you deserve.

And don't be so stingy with the candy either.

;)

Originally posted by Rurry007
Dear TJL,
Im madly in love with my pencil. I almost proposed to it! Last night, I woke up and I found myself kissing it!

Sincerley,
love-Hungry Stranger

As long as the pens don't get jealous, I'm very happy for the two of you.

;)

Originally posted by TJL
Dear TJL

I have a couple of crazy kids here at home. How can I quiet them down? ;)

Dear parent with the red type,

Since I once sat near a kid on the subway, I like to think I know a thing or two about children.

It seems to me like your kids may be restless and board. Perhaps they're not getting enough outside stimuli. Young minds need new expereinces.
My suggestion is to give them everything they want.
Toys, games, DVDs whatever.
Nothing staves off the summertime blues like a Gamecube with some ultraviolent M rated games.
Some shiny new bicycles would totally kick ass.
Take them to the mall and break out the credit cards!
When your kids see you're willing to to anything for them, they're bound to give you the respect you deserve.

And don't be so stingy with the candy either.

;)

:lol:

Originally posted by TJL
As long as the pens don't get jealous, I'm very happy for the two of you.

;)

:lol:

Dear TJL,

Will you marry me?

Signed, Wanting to Marry TJL

Dear Wanting,

Sorry, but I've just fallen in love with Rurry's pencil.

Uh Rurry, we have to talk...

;)

Dear TJL...

I'm addicted to TV. I don't want anyone to know this for fear of the police coming to my home and taking the set away. How can I cope? :crying:

The red lady........

:lol:







ks

Originally posted by Rurry007
Dear TJL,
Im madly in love with my pencil. I almost proposed to it! Last night, I woke up and I found myself kissing it!

Sincerley,
love-Hungry Stranger

:lol:
LOL, sorry no offense

Dear TJL,

I am the biggest computer addict on Earth, and my parents say if I keep being so addicted, they'll take the computer out of my room :(
What should I do?

Dear TJL,

My dad keeps saying that I am driving him crazy with Beatles tunes. He complains that it's all he hears nowadays whenever I turn on the stereo, that it's like Beatlemania all over again. Could I be playing too many Beatles tunes for him to stand?

Sincerely,

Beatlemania Freakster




:) :crazy:

Dear TJL,

I feel like shooting myself in the foot and seeing how much it hurts, that's how insanely bored I am. Any suggestions?

Yours Truly,
Going crazy :crazy:

Dear TJL,
Should I return to Sitcoms Online?
Your obedient friend... and Angel,
O.G.

Originally posted by Kaffeine Kay
Deer TJL,

I hav thes frend who can't spel werth shyt. It's relly annoing me too know end. Whut should I dew? Should I confrunt her about it? Pssshhh she relly kneads to recognise!

Sincerrely,
Hoo-man Dickshionarie

:rofl:

Dear TJL,

Can I be Rurry's pencil and marry you? :biglove:

Signed,

STILL Wanting to Marry TJL

Dear TJL,

Why is everyone on this board so afraid of this angry man?
http://zanker.fto.de/met/resource/pics/lu/lu06.jpg

signed,
wondering

Originally posted by Miss Vicki
Dear TJL,

Can I be Rurry's pencil and marry you? :biglove:

Signed,

STILL Wanting to Marry TJL

:lol:

Dear Magic 8 Ball....oops I mean TJL ;)

I have a serious problem, I don't know what to do, I need your advice. I need to know to do.

I am a tv show junkie. Is there something you can do to help? :( :lol: ;)

Originally posted by crystals
Dear TJL,

My dad keeps saying that I am driving him crazy with Beatles tunes. He complains that it's all he hears nowadays whenever I turn on the stereo, that it's like Beatlemania all over again. Could I be playing too many Beatles tunes for him to stand?

Sincerely,

Beatlemania Freakster




:) :crazy:

omg: Your dad is being mean!

Dear TJL,

Do you have a brother? Or are you willing to clone yourself and send one my way?

Thanks!
Open to all options in corn country

Dear TJL,


I really like touching fire. It really hurts but I can't stop! I've even blown off important get togethers with my friend and family just to be alone with my lighter. Am I crazy?

Originally posted by FullHouseFan8795
I am the biggest computer addict on Earth
you are naive.

Dear TJL.........

I was laughing so hard reading all these questions to you that I bumped my head on a table by mistake. What do you recommend? :lol:

The Red lady..... ;)

Originally posted by safety pin
you are naive.

WHat's naive mean?

Originally posted by safety pin
you are naive.

:lol:

Originally posted by FullHouseFan8795
WHat's naive mean?
Lacking worldly experience and understanding, especially:
Simple and guileless; artless: a child with a naive charm.
Unsuspecting or credulous: “Students, often bright but naive, betand losesubstantial sums of money on sporting events” (Tim Layden).
Showing or characterized by a lack of sophistication and critical judgment: “this extravagance of metaphors, with its naive bombast” (H.L. Mencken).

Not previously subjected to experiments: testing naive mice.
Not having previously taken or received a particular drug: persons naive to marijuana.

I consider myself to be fairly naive.

Originally posted by ¤MsConanOBrien¤
Lacking worldly experience and understanding

And that would be I.

Originally posted by Kaffeine Kay
And that would be I.

I disagree Miss Karly! You are pretty darn sharp for someone your age.:D

Originally posted by Penny Lane
I disagree Miss Karly! You are pretty darn sharp for someone your age.:D

Well thank you :D but on some things, I'll admit, I'm a tad naive. Well, maybe not naive.. maybe more of a.. ditz? :eek:

Dear TJL.........

I was laughing so hard reading all these questions to you that I bumped my head on a table by mistake. What do you recommend? :lol:

The Red lady..... ;)



Dear Red,

Switch to nerf brand furniture or try wearing a reading helmet.

;)

Originally posted by FullHouseFan8795
:lol:
LOL, sorry no offense

I was kidding :lol:

Dear TJL,

I married the pencil and now the pens are mad. What should I do?
Signed,
Scared and Confused

Dear TJL,

I am the biggest computer addict on Earth, and my parents say if I keep being so addicted, they'll take the computer out of my room :(
What should I do?

Try explaining to your parents all the wonderful things you can do with your computer, like research for homework, keeping in touch with friends, learning about the world.

If that doesn't work, tell them you'll hack into their bank accounts and slash their credit records faster then they can say "bankrupcy."

Then let out one of those evil bwhahahaha laughs and go back to what you were doing.

;)

Dear TJL,

How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?

Best,
Bob in Duluth

Dear TJL,

My dad keeps saying that I am driving him crazy with Beatles tunes. He complains that it's all he hears nowadays whenever I turn on the stereo, that it's like Beatlemania all over again. Could I be playing too many Beatles tunes for him to stand?

Sincerely,

Beatlemania Freakster


Dear Freakster,

I didn't know Ringo Starr had any kids!

;)

Originally posted by FullHouseFan8795
WHat's naive mean?
You will be naive until you go to Denmark and buy me Forkaelet Med Frihed: Lars Ulrich - Og Hans Band Metallica.

Dear TJL:
Do you know the muffin man, the muffin man, the muffin man?

Love,
www.dunkindonuts.com

Originally posted by AKA
Dear TJL,

How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?

Best,
Bob in Duluth



the answer is simply blowin in the wind. :(

Dear TJL,

I accidentally sat on my blind neighbor's cat and killed it. I told my neighbor the cat was only sleeping. It's been sleeping for 5 days now and the smell has started to drift through my kitchen window. Today when I was cooking dinner, the smell distracted me so much that my knife slipped and I accidentally oversliced the onions for my risotto, which is now ruined ruined ruined!! Whatever shall I do about my dinner?

Yours truly,
Chef in Despair

Dear TJL:
Do you know the muffin man, the muffin man, the muffin man?

Love,
www.dunkindonuts.com

Thanks for the link.
I'll send you a gift. What size latte do you wear?

;)

Dear TJL,

I accidentally sat on my blind neighbor's cat and killed it. I told my neighbor the cat was only sleeping. It's been sleeping for 5 days now and the smell has started to drift through my kitchen window. Today when I was cooking dinner, the smell distracted me so much that my knife slipped and I accidentally oversliced the onions for my risotto, which is now ruined ruined ruined!! Whatever shall I do about my dinner?

Yours truly,
Chef in Despair

Dear Chef,

I suggest treating your neighbor to a lovely risotto dinner.

;)

Dear TJL,

How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?

Best,
Bob in Duluth

Dear Bob,

Six.

;)

Dear TJL,

I accidently ate my friend's bird. It was delicious! Anyway, I dont want him to find out, what should I do?

Sincerley,
The Bird Eater

Dear TJL,


I really like touching fire. It really hurts but I can't stop! I've even blown off important get togethers with my friend and family just to be alone with my lighter. Am I crazy?

Dear Fire Toucher,

You're in love with you lighter? Boy, it must be hot!

:lol:

Dear TJL,

I accidently ate my friend's bird. It was delicious! Anyway, I dont want him to find out, what should I do?

Sincerley,
The Bird Eater

Dear Bird,

As long as your friend doesn't smell parakeet on your breath, you're in the clear.

;)

Originally posted by TJL
Dear TJL:
Do you know the muffin man, the muffin man, the muffin man?

Love,
www.dunkindonuts.com

Thanks for the link.
I'll send you a gift. What size latte do you wear?

;)
Medium extra extra

dear TJL,
How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? I JUST NEED TO KNOW IT"S BEEN KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!! :wallbang: :wallbang:
Sincerely,
Obsessedwithmammals

Dear TJL:

You still havent answered my plea about my friend and his addiction. Im at a breaking point. HES GETTING PHYSICAL!!!:eek:

Dear TJL,

I feel like shooting myself in the foot and seeing how much it hurts, that's how insanely bored I am. Any suggestions?

Yours Truly,
Going crazy :crazy:

Dear Going,

Whatever you do, take out the big toe first.

Those other friggin toes will fall in line pronto!

;)

Originally posted by TJL
Dear Chef,

I suggest treating your neighbor to a lovely risotto dinner.

;)

Mr. TJL,
I followed your suggestion and treated my neighbor to a wonderful feline risotto. But the blind bat spilt some on her wheel chair and has asked me to clean it for her. How can I get out of this one?

Sincerely,
Your Friendly Neighbor

dear TJL,
How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? I JUST NEED TO KNOW IT"S BEEN KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sincerely,
Obsessedwithmammals

Dear Obsessed,

I'd say six.

;)

Dear TJL,

How many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?

Dear TJL,

How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

Regards,
Green in a Shell

[QUOTE]Originally posted by crystals
[B]Dear TJL,

My dad keeps saying that I am driving him crazy with Beatles tunes. He complains that it's all he hears nowadays whenever I turn on the stereo, that it's like Beatlemania all over again. Could I be playing too many Beatles tunes for him to stand?

Sincerely,

Beatlemania Freakster

What's wrong with Beatlemania?! Tell your dad to get with it! What's wrong with him?! Not meaning to incur disrespect to your Dad but there is NOTHING wrong with Beatlemania!




:eek: :eek:

Dear TJL:
If there are 7 days in a week, how many times should you change your underwear?

Love,
Stinky Drawers McGee

Originally posted by Miss Vicki
Dear TJL,

Can I be Rurry's pencil and marry you? :biglove:

Signed,

STILL Wanting to Marry TJL

Dear TJL,

You haven't answered my above question yet! I WANT TO MARRY YOU NOW!

Signed,

WILL MARRY FOR FOOD

Dear TJL,

How many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?

Ooooh! I know this one.

Let's see, he picked a peck of pickled peppers...
Four bushels in a peck, carry the ten...

The answer is Willaim Henry Harrison!

;)

Originally posted by AKA
Dear TJL,

How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

Regards,
Green in a Shell

Dear Green,

I defer to my esteemed collegue Mr. Owl.

Be warned, he'll totally bogart your tootsie pop.

;)

Dear TJL,

Do you know the way to San Jose? I've been away so long, I might go wrong and lose my way.

Sincerely,
A Very Lost Person

Dear TJL,

You haven't answered my above question yet! I WANT TO MARRY YOU NOW!

Signed,

WILL MARRY FOR FOOD

Dear WMFF,

Sure. Is your family rich?

I took the liberty of opening up a bridal registry at Bed Bath And Beyond.

I need ice cube trays.

;)

Dear TJL,

Do you know the way to San Jose? I've been away so long, I might go wrong and lose my way.

Sincerely,
A Very Lost Person

Good question, let me see if I know...

Okay, you wanna go like three blocks that way, make a left at the Burger King. Go like four lights until you see a strip mall with a paint store at the end, I think it's a Benjamin Moore store. No! It's a Siperstein's. The next light, you want to make a left, but you gotta take the jughandle. That will put you on route 516. Now go down 516 for like three miles, you'll see a Denny's on your left where my friend Scott worked for like a week...

I was right, I don't know.

;)

Originally posted by TJL
Dear TJL,

You haven't answered my above question yet! I WANT TO MARRY YOU NOW!

Signed,

WILL MARRY FOR FOOD

Dear WMFF,

Sure. Is your family rich?

I took the liberty of opening up a bridal registry at Bed Bath And Beyond.

I need ice cube trays.

;)

Yep, my family's rich.

;)

Dear Mr. Miss Vicki,

I went over to BB&B and couldn't find any ice cube trays. But there was a splendid curtain rod at 50% off. Would you and your future bride be interested in that? Also, I'm an ordained minister from "The Evil Online School for QuickN'Easy Marriages" and would be happy to conduct the ceremony...for a small fee of...1 million dollars *raises pinkie to mouth*.

Signed:
Dr. Evil III

Dear TJL,
Who's buried in Grant's tomb?:confused:
Love Ya! Penny:wave:

Dear TJL,

Something that's been bugging me for a long time:

Where's the Beef?

Sincerely,

Granny :D

Dear TJL,
Who's buried in Grant's tomb?:confused:
Love Ya! Penny:wave:

That's easy!

Lou Grant form "The Mary Tyler Moore Show."

I didn't even know he was sick.

;)

Originally posted by TJL
Dear TJL,
Who's buried in Grant's tomb?:confused:
Love Ya! Penny:wave:

That's easy!

Lou Grant form "The Mary Tyler Moore Show."

I didn't even know he was sick.

;)

:lol: :lol:

Dear TJL,

Something that's been bugging me for a long time:

Where's the Beef?

Sincerely,

Granny :D

Granny,

Are you coming on to me? Because I think I'm married to Miss Vicki.

;)

Dear TJL
Is it just me or does anybody have like an angst streak like me??
I just seem more angry and upset.
Not personally at myself but at some people.
Even though I am almost 30, this may sound crazy.
But I just can't stand adults.
I mean they are supposed to be the role models for the youth and kids of the world.
Not just superstars, but people who are, "non-famous".
Don't mean to be rude nor mean but I find almost 99% of
men all inferior and the "enemy".
They think that they are so, so macho and so "Mr Know It All"
They think that they have a better than thou attitude and don't seem to care about the world.
And I am afraid that the women are following their footsteps as well.
To be honest, I wish it was only kids and youth like the show "Codename Kids Next Door", always kids and always
acting more like the adults with the adults, it is the other way around I am afraid.
I only been taught only to trust daddy and brother.
Sorry but that is my opinion and my opinion alone.
Anyone else share that??

Originally posted by TJL
Dear TJL,

Something that's been bugging me for a long time:

Where's the Beef?

Sincerely,

Granny :D

Granny,

Are you coming on to me? Because I think I'm married to Miss Vicki.

;)

:rotflmao:

Why certainly :grineyes: ;)

TJL,

Will you pay my bar tab?

-Norm Peterson

Originally posted by DianeDiane
TJL,

Will you pay my bar tab?

-Norm Peterson

:eek: :lol: I hope TJL is a billionaire ;) :lol:

TJL,

Will you pay my bar tab?

-Norm Peterson

Norm!!!

Let's see, I can sell my blood every day for like a decade...

;)

Originally posted by TJL
Dear TJL,
Who's buried in Grant's tomb?:confused:
Love Ya! Penny:wave:

That's easy!

Lou Grant form "The Mary Tyler Moore Show."

I didn't even know he was sick.

;)

:rofl: :rofl:

Originally posted by DianeDiane
TJL,

Will you pay my bar tab?

-Norm Peterson

EVIL!!!!! You won the lotto, and you had the money for Sam, but you went ahead and brought him a boat! CHEAP CHEAP :mad:










:D

Dear TJL,

Who left the cake out in the rain? And why can't I find that damn recipe?

Signed,
Writer of the stupidest song on Earth

Dear TJL..........

I just slipped on some TJL shampoo at the drug store. I was literally skating on the floor. A man caught me and when I turned around I saw that he had mustard colored teeth. I fell back and injured my patella........... What do you recommend?

Lady in RED.......... :p

Dear TJL,

I just killed a guy. What do you suggest I do next?

Signed,
IJustKilledAGuyItWasRealBloodyAndGrossAndThere'sPrintsEverywhereAndIThinkINeedOJ'sLawyerOMGIAmSoScrewed

Dear TJL,
I find you to be discriminatory in which posts you reply to.
Your obedient friend... and angel,
The Opera Ghost

Dear TJL,

I find this thread hilarious, and I want to contribute something very funny, but I find myself afflicted with writer's block.

What should I do?

Signed,
Not Feeling Witty in Boston

Originally posted by dawsongirl
Dear TJL,

Who left the cake out in the rain? And why can't I find that damn recipe?

Signed,
Writer of the stupidest song on Earth

:rotflmao:

Dear TJL:

Im looking into getting a new username. What do you suggest?

Love,
MAKE IT CLAY RELATED

Dear TJL,

I'm gonna marry Rurry007's pens, so his pens won't be jealous.
Does that sound like a good idea? :lol:

.

Dear TJL,

I keep getting stuck in chimneys. What should I do?


Love,

Santa Claus

Originally posted by Mrs. Ducky
Dear TJL,

I keep getting stuck in chimneys. What should I do?


Love,

Santa Claus
Order Michael Thurman's 6-week body makeover you fool.

Originally posted by FullHouseFan8795
I'm gonna marry Rurry007's pens
oh god i thought that said something else.

Originally posted by safety pin
oh god i thought that said something else.

What did u think it said?
I think I know, but I'm not sure.

Originally posted by FullHouseFan8795
What did u think it said?
I think I know, but I'm not sure.

Put an i between the n and the s.

Dear TJL,

Who left the cake out in the rain? And why can't I find that damn recipe?

Signed,
Writer of the stupidest song on Earth

Dear Writer,

Are you the same person who let the dogs out?

;)

Dear TJL..........

I just slipped on some TJL shampoo at the drug store. I was literally skating on the floor. A man caught me and when I turned around I saw that he had mustard colored teeth. I fell back and injured my patella........... What do you recommend?

Lady in RED.......... :p

Dear Lady,

I suggest you try my entire line of TJL hair products, like TJL's silky smooth conditioners and styling gels.
They'll leave your hair shiny and managable.

For your injured patella, I suggest my line of TJL's crutches and walkers...

;)

Dear TJL,

I just killed a guy. What do you suggest I do next?

Signed,
IJustKilledAGuyItWasRealBloodyAndGrossAndThere'sPrintsEverywhereAndIThinkINeedOJ'sLawyerOMGIAmSoScrewed


Man, I send one birthday card to my old friend Scott Peterson, and now he won't leave me alone!

;)

Originally posted by TJL
Dear TJL,

I just killed a guy. What do you suggest I do next?

Signed,
IJustKilledAGuyItWasRealBloodyAndGrossAndThere'sPrintsEverywhereAndIThinkINeedOJ'sLawyerOMGIAmSoScrewed


Man, I send one birthday card to my old friend Scott Peterson, and now he won't leave me alone!

;) :rotflmao:

Originally posted by safety pin
oh god i thought that said something else.

:rotflmao:

Originally posted by safety pin
oh god i thought that said something else.

:rofl:

Dear TJL...

Whenever I see a mime, I get the uncontrollable urge to heave poop at him. Am I alone with how I feel about mimes?

Thanks,
Poopheaver

Originally posted by safety pin
oh god i thought that said something else. :rotflmao:

Originally posted by safety pin
oh god i thought that said something else.


:lol:

Dear TJL,

I put my entire life savings on the line on a bet that Mr. Clay Aiken will win the 2004 presidential elections. He has a friendly smile and a nice aura, and I think the voters respond well to those qualities. My friends say I'm a fool and that I should wake up and watch something called "the neuz" (sp?). What do you think my chances are of winning that bet?

Sincerely,

Achin'4Aiken2004

Originally posted by DianeDiane
Dear TJL,

I put my entire life savings on the line on a bet that Mr. Clay Aiken will win the 2004 presidential elections. He has a friendly smile and a nice aura, and I think the voters respond well to those qualities. My friends say I'm a fool and that I should wake up and watch something called "the neuz" (sp?). What do you think my chances are of winning that bet?

Sincerely,

Achin'4Aiken2004 You dont need TJL with this one. Girl, you just doubled your money.:woohoo:

Originally posted by ¤MsConanOBrien¤
You dont need TJL with this one. Girl, you just doubled your money.:woohoo:

I'm all in! *shoves all of the 50 cents she has to her name into the pool*

Originally posted by DianeDiane
Dear TJL,

I put my entire life savings on the line on a bet that Mr. Clay Aiken will win the 2004 presidential elections. He has a friendly smile and a nice aura, and I think the voters respond well to those qualities. My friends say I'm a fool and that I should wake up and watch something called "the neuz" (sp?). What do you think my chances are of winning that bet?

Sincerely,

Achin'4Aiken2004

Come to think of it, Clayboy does have all the qualities a future President needs. The support of millions of Americans, a lovely singing voice, a killer smile, great hair, and a 400-pound friend who sweats a lot. I smell victory! patriot:

Originally posted by david&maddie4ever
Come to think of it, Clayboy does have all the qualities a future President needs. The support of millions of Americans, a lovely singing voice, a killer smile, great hair, and a 400-pound friend who sweats a lot. I smell victory! patriot:

:lol: Don't forget about his non-threatening intellect. The only down-side is that, with his morals, we probably wouldn't see too many intern scandals in the White House. :(

Originally posted by DianeDiane
:lol: Don't forget about his non-threatening intellect. The only down-side is that, with his morals, we probably wouldn't see too many intern scandals in the White House. :(

Darn! America thrives on White House gossip! :( Ahh...I miss the Clinton days. :joke:

Originally posted by Kaffeine Kay
I'm all in! *shoves all of the 50 cents she has to her name into the pool*

Into the pot you mean? I gotta lay off the poker.

Originally posted by DianeDiane
:lol: Don't forget about his non-threatening intellect. The only down-side is that, with his morals, we probably wouldn't see too many intern scandals in the White House. :( *slips in blue dress*


SCANDAL ALERT. PAST PORN ISSUES.

Originally posted by Dutabi84
Into the pot you mean? I gotta lay off the poker. I call it a pool too... like when theres a big bet going on. Like all those Superbowl Pools and such.

Originally posted by ¤MsConanOBrien¤
I call it a pool too... like when theres a big bet going on. Like all those Superbowl Pools and such.

Very true, my mind was in poker-mode for a few minutes there.

Originally posted by safety pin
oh god i thought that said something else.

:lol:

Originally posted by Topanga
:lol:

:lol:

Originally posted by ¤MsConanOBrien¤
*slips in blue dress*


SCANDAL ALERT. PAST PORN ISSUES.
:rofl: omg..

Dear TJL,

How old are you?

Originally posted by safety pin
:rofl: omg.. Now I know you were that 1%.:mad:

Dear TJL...

Whenever I see a mime, I get the uncontrollable urge to heave poop at him. Am I alone with how I feel about mimes?

Thanks,
Poopheaver

Dear Poop,

Resist those viloent urges.

A mime is a terrible thing to waste.

;)

Dear TJL,

How old are you?

Old enough to know better. Well, almost.


;)

Dear TJL,

I was the third lead singer of a famous band for one album. Now that band has reunited with its second lead singer and is currently on tour with him, sparking a debate about who was a better lead singer - the first lead singer and the second lead singer. But my name doesn't come up.

Now there's a hole in my heart because I, the third lead singer, have been forgotten. I'm saddened more than words can express. What should I do to make my name known again?

Sincerely,
Fire in the hole

Dear TJL:

Im looking into getting a new username. What do you suggest?

Love,
MAKE IT CLAY RELATED

Dear Make,

Let's see...

MSClayAiken
AIKEN4CLAY
Aiken's The Bomb
King I Still Got It
ReubenSucks
Aiken Cooks My Bacon

;)

Dear TJL,

I was the third lead singer of a famous band for one album. Now that band has reunited with its second lead singer and is currently on tour with him, sparking a debate about who was a better lead singer - the first lead singer and the second lead singer. But my name doesn't come up.

Now there's a hole in my heart because I, the third lead singer, have been forgotten. I'm saddened more than words can express. What should I do to make my name known again?

Sincerely,
Fire in the hole

Dear Fire.

Yeah, that's a real sad story. You wanna take my drink order now?

;)

Originally posted by TJL
Dear Make,

Let's see...

MSClayAiken
AIKEN4CLAY
Aiken's The Bomb
King I Still Got It
ReubenSucks
Aiken Cooks My Bacon

;)

Dear TJL,

I like MsClaynenOAiken.

Sincerely,
Nosey In Spokane

Originally posted by TJL
Dear Poop,

Resist those viloent urges.

A mime is a terrible thing to waste.

;)

Oh, boy. ohno: :rofl:

Originally posted by TJL
Dear TJL...

Whenever I see a mime, I get the uncontrollable urge to heave poop at him. Am I alone with how I feel about mimes?

Thanks,
Poopheaver

Dear Poop,

Resist those viloent urges.

A mime is a terrible thing to waste.

;)

No, you are not alone! Let's also throw some poop at clowns!

Originally posted by TJL
Dear TJL:

Im looking into getting a new username. What do you suggest?

Love,
MAKE IT CLAY RELATED

Dear Make,

Let's see...

MSClayAiken
AIKEN4CLAY
Aiken's The Bomb
King I Still Got It
ReubenSucks
Aiken Cooks My Bacon

;) :rotflmao::rotflmao: Ahaha.

I actually really like the last one.:lol:

This thread is funny!
Well, some of it. :lol:

Dear TJL,

I find this thread hilarious, and I want to contribute something very funny, but I find myself afflicted with writer's block.

What should I do?

Signed,
Not Feeling Witty in Boston

Dear Not,

Take a long walk, watch TV, drink your weight in malt liquor.

That's what I do.

;)

Dear TJL,
What should i name my horse?
Sincerely,
Ridingthroughthedesertonahorsewithnoname

Dear TJL,
What should i name my horse?
Sincerely,
Ridingthroughthedesertonahorsewithnoname

What was the name of that old sitcom where the guy had a talking horse?

Oh yeah. Gilligan!

;)

Dear TJL,


My friend thinks that her TV is pregnant. How can I convince her that this is not possible?

Dear TJL,
I can't find a store that carries Burberry bedding.
Regards,
O.G.

Dear TJL:

IT BURNS. WTF did you do to me?!

Love,
Its Lumpy Too

Dear TJL,


My friend thinks that her TV is pregnant. How can I convince her that this is not possible?

There is no way a TV can have sex.

Blenders on the other hand are total friggin whores.

;)

Originally posted by Georgia's on my Mind
Dear TJL,
I can't find a store that carries Burberry bedding.
Regards,
O.G.

That's too bad. I just got the last of the Burburry bedding at my local store, just as this one person was reaching for it...

Oh.

;)

Originally posted by TJL
That's too bad. I just got the last of the Burburry bedding at my local store, just as this one person was reaching for it...

Oh.

;)
wow. I want a refund.

on the kitchen floor

Dear TJL:

Are you really a fine beef (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5370162/)?

Love,
Barney Fife

Dear TJL,

What's the deal with the weird adult and child actors in Ovaltine commercials? Are they robots?

Best,
Inquisitive in Inquisitapolis

Originally posted by Penny Lane
No, you are not alone! Let's also throw some poop at clowns!

And throw them to the dogs!!

Originally posted by TJL
There is no way a TV can have sex.

Blenders on the other hand are total friggin whores.

;)

:lol:

Originally posted by Dutabi84
Into the pot you mean? I gotta lay off the poker.

Same difference :lol:

Dear TJL:

Are you really a fine beef (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5370162/)?

Love,
Barney Fife

Barney,

I'm more lke aged cheddar.

;)

Dear TJL............

Someone wants to perform Hari Kari on me what should I do?

Red......

Dear TJL............

Someone wants to perform Hari Kari on me what should I do?

Red......

Dear Red,

I'd join in. After all, nothing livens the mood like a rousing rendition of "Take Me Out To The Ballgame."

Sincerely,
Unsolicited Substitute TJL

Dear TJL,

Is it possible to get gonorrhea in your left ear?

Thanks,
My ear has been acting strange.

Dear TJL,

What's the deal with the weird adult and child actors in Ovaltine commercials? Are they robots?

Best,
Inquisitive in Inquisitapolis

Dear Inquisitive,

Robots eh? It is possible. I mean, why should just humans enjoy the rich chocolaty taste of Ovaltine? More Ovaltine please, you puny pinked skinned human!

Other things robots like:

Willaims & Sanoma
Stuffed Crust Pizza
Bunny Slippers
Running with scissors
Greg Kinnear
Scrunchies
The original cast recording of "Starlight Express"

;)

Dear TJL,

Is it possible to get gonorrhea in your left ear?

Thanks,
My ear has been acting strange.

That's it for me folks!

Good night, and drive safely!

:wave:

Dear TJL,

Why does corn come out looking the same as it did when it came in. Does that mean it is still edible?

Sincerely,
Hungry in IN

Originally posted by TJL

Other things robots like:

Greg Kinnear


:rofl:

Dear TJL,

Why does corn come out looking the same as it did when it came in. Does that mean it is still edible?

Sincerely,
Hungry in IN

Hungry,

I triple dog dare you!

;)

Originally posted by Idol Fanatic
Dear TJL,

Why does corn come out looking the same as it did when it came in. Does that mean it is still edible?

Sincerely,
Hungry in IN

It isn't called a "cornhole" for nothin'.

Dear TJL,

What other boards do u go to here?

Dear TJL,

What other boards do u go to here?

There are other boards here?

;)

Dear TJL,
I'm getting my very first car tomorrow. Where should I go first?

SincerEly,
Lead Foot

Dear TJL,

Hickory Dickory Dock, the mouse ran up the clock, can you tell me why he does that?

Sincerely,

Concerned mouse lover

Dear TJL,
I'm getting my very first car tomorrow. Where should I go first?

SincerEly,
Lead Foot

Dear Lead,

First, you should go straight to my house. I need a ride to work.

;)

Originally posted by Idol Fanatic
Dear TJL,

Why does corn come out looking the same as it did when it came in. Does that mean it is still edible?

Sincerely,
Hungry in IN Oh gross! :rofl::rofl:

Dear TJL,

Hickory Dickory Dock, the mouse ran up the clock, can you tell me why he does that?

Sincerely,

Concerned mouse lover

Well Concerned, some mice do have to work for a living.

They all can't be like that big shot Mickey Mouse, sitting in a plush Orlando mansion raking in the dough while hard working mice toil out in the real world running up and down clocks and chasing farmer's wives.. Your average everyday mouse would kill to be on Disney's payroll!
And don't get me started about Jerry! He works with a cat! Selling out for his own cartoon series! Some rodents have no shame.

;)

Dear TJL

Can you put me and my husband up next week, when the DNC Convention literally chokes Boston and the surrounding cities?

We're not fussy. A penthouse, a few 5 star restaurants and hit plays, and we're all set.

Thanking you in advance.

Janice

;)

Dear TJL

Can you put me and my husband up next week, when the DNC Convention literally chokes Boston and the surrounding cities?

We're not fussy. A penthouse, a few 5 star restaurants and hit plays, and we're all set.

Thanking you in advance.

Janice

;)

Dear Janice,

I suppose you'll be wanting Yankees tickets too...

;)

Originally posted by TJL
Dear TJL

Can you put me and my husband up next week, when the DNC Convention literally chokes Boston and the surrounding cities?

We're not fussy. A penthouse, a few 5 star restaurants and hit plays, and we're all set.

Thanking you in advance.

Janice

;)

Dear Janice,

I suppose you'll be wanting Yankees tickets too...

;) :rotflmao: Ohh....... that was good.:lol:

Originally posted by TJL
Dear TJL

Dear Janice,

I suppose you'll be wanting Yankees tickets too...

So it's the Yankees or a week of political madness? You drive a hard bargain. Let me get back to you on this one.

DeAr tJL-

If you turn Janice into a Yankees fan, you will be SORRY!

-The BAMBINO

Originally posted by Kaffeine Kay
DeAr tJL-

If you turn Janice into a Yankees fan, you will be SORRY!

-The BAMBINO


:rofl:

DeAr tJL-

If you turn Janice into a Yankees fan, you will be sorry!!!

-The BAMBINO

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present our first celebrity guest letter writer, Ben Affleck!

;)

dfkjgh89re7htge49r8 c8mtctmc jhbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb uhfhhrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhh eeeeeeeeeeeeeee http://www.sitcomsonline.com/boards/attachment.php?s=&postid=1613488 http://www.sitcomsonline.com/boards/attachment.php?s=&postid=1613488 http://www.sitcomsonline.com/boards/attachment.php?s=&postid=1613488 http://www.sitcomsonline.com/boards/attachment.php?s=&postid=1613488

Dear TJL,

So I'm driving back from the beach and all of a sudden I see a mileage sign that said things like, "Denver-1200" I live in Maryland, now, what are the odds that someone would be wondering this? And whhhhhhhhhhhy is it THERE?

Sincerely,

I pay 5% everytime I buy things

Dear TJL,

I see this thread has over 200 replies. Is this your largest thread to date? And I suppose you think you're all that and a bag of chips now. ;)

Janice

Dear TJL,

Do u like giving out advice?

Dear TJL,

HELP! I have this boy crushing on me who doesn't understand the phrase "LEAVE ME ALONE". What am I to do?

Signed,

Running to no avail:(











ks

[QUOTE]Originally posted by ks
[B]Dear TJL,

HELP! I have this boy crushing on me who doesn't understand the phrase "LEAVE ME ALONE". What am I to do?

Signed,

Running to no avail:(


I have them same problem. In first grade, this one boy that really liked me made up lies that in preschool I kissed him. Why does he do that??

Dear TJL,

HELP! I have this boy crushing on me who doesn't understand the phrase "LEAVE ME ALONE". What am I to do?

Signed,

Running to no avail:(

Running,

Tell him you want to start a family.

That would send me screaming into the night.

;)

Dear TJL,

I see this thread has over 200 replies. Is this your largest thread to date? And I suppose you think you're all that and a bag of chips now. ;)

Janice

And handsome, let's not forget handsome.

;)

Dear TJL,

I have developed a chemical dependency to Altoids Tangerine Sours. Even though my tongue now has more lumps on it than bad oatmeal, I just can't stop. Is there hope for me?

Orange In Orange

Dear TJL,

Do u like giving out advice?

Heck yes, I love giving out advice to people.

I used to give out candy, but the Police made me stop.

;)

Originally posted by TJL
Dear TJL,

Do u like giving out advice?

Heck yes, I love giving out advice to people.

I used to give out candy, but the Police made me stop.

;)

:) The police made you stop :lol: Really, why?

Dear TJL,

So I'm driving back from the beach and all of a sudden I see a mileage sign that said things like, "Denver-1200" I live in Maryland, now, what are the odds that someone would be wondering this? And whhhhhhhhhhhy is it THERE?

Sincerely,

I pay 5% everytime I buy things

Dear 5%,

No need to worry, those signs are part of a new program from the Department Of Roads. Not only will they provide interesting bits of trivia (like the distance between Denver and Maryland) but helpful infromation and advice. Among the new signs being posted across the great U.S.A.-

"Keep the roads clean. Your Mother doesn't drive here."
"Stripes make you look fat"
"Virginia is for lovers. West Virginia is for lovers in the same family."
"Tasty Pies - next 500 miles"
"Hillary Duff Is Afraid Of Clowns"

;)

Dear TJL,

I have developed a chemical dependency to Altoids Tangerine Sours. Even though my tongue now has more lumps on it than bad oatmeal, I just can't stop. Is there hope for me?

Orange In Orange

Stop chasing the dragon, man!

;)

Caro TJL,

Por que povoa o sustento fazendo perguntas fracas?

Assinado,
Irritado

Liebster TJL,

Ich stimme mit Sarah überein. Warum stellen Leute solche dummen Fragen?

Aufrichtig,
Verärgert in einem äußerst heißen Ort

Caro TJL,

Por que povoa o sustento fazendo perguntas fracas?

Assinado,
Irritado

Irritado,

Donde esta la biblioteca?

That's pretty much all the High School spanish I remember.

;)

Liebster TJL,

Ich stimme mit Sarah überein. Warum stellen Leute solche dummen Fragen?

Aufrichtig,
Verärgert in einem äußerst heißen Ort

Verärgert,

Ich habe keine Idee.

;)

Originally posted by Miss Vicki
Liebster TJL,

Ich stimme mit Sarah überein. Warum stellen Leute solche dummen Fragen?

Aufrichtig,
Verärgert in einem äußerst heißen Ort
sim seriamente, este está suposto ser. deus engraçado, vai-se foder se você insistir em o destruir. :grr:

Originally posted by TJL
Liebster TJL,

Ich stimme mit Sarah überein. Warum stellen Leute solche dummen Fragen?

Aufrichtig,
Verärgert in einem äußerst heißen Ort

Verärgert,

Ich habe keine Idee.

;)

Lieb TJL,

Awww! Sie sind keine Hilfe! Ich werde irgendwo sonst für meine Antwort anschauen.

Mit freundlichen Grüßen

Noch Verärgert

Dear TJL,

Why did I name my movie Gigli?

Sincerely,
Writer if the worst movie ever

Dear TJL,

Why did I name my movie Gigli?

Sincerely,
Writer if the worst movie ever

Dear Writer,

Because "From Justin To Kelly" was already taken.

;)

Dear TJL,

If my dog ever talked should I rrename him Mr Ed?
;)

Originally posted by TJL
Dear TJL,

Why did I name my movie Gigli?

Sincerely,
Writer if the worst movie ever

Dear Writer,

Because "From Justin To Kelly" was already taken.

;) LOL!!!! :rotflmao:

Aprove isto não é uma pergunta engraçada, mas eu sou justo.. assim perdido. *gritos*

Dear TJL,

predict the age of the young man in my avatar.

Signed,
curious

Dear TJL,

I'm madly in love with 2 hot actresses who are sisters, Danielle Panabaker and her equally hot younger sister Kay. What should I do.

Love,
Panabaking for Some Lovin' in New York

Panabaking,

I say go for it. But there may be a problem if they find out you're dating both sisters.

So get yourself a cowboy hat and tell one of them (the dumber one) you're the twin brother from Texas.
It worked for Jack Tripper. Sort of.
Oh, and never under any circumstances do you go on a double date!
Whackiness and shenanigans will surely ensue!

;)

Aprove isto não é uma pergunta engraçada, mas eu sou justo.. assim perdido. *gritos*

Dear TJL,

predict the age of the young man in my avatar.

Signed,
curious

Ooookay. Let's get out the old magic eight ball and find out...

Oh magic eight ball, praytell what is the age of the young Lars in Safety Pin's avatar?

(shaking the eight ball)

It says: "He looks ten or eleven."

Really glad I bought the deluxe magic eight ball.

;)

Lieb TJL,

Awww! Sie sind keine Hilfe! Ich werde irgendwo sonst für meine Antwort anschauen.

Mit freundlichen Grüßen

Noch Verärgert

No Problemo.

Dear TJL,

My parrot has fleas and a horrible underbite, and it turns out is actually a cat.

What should I do?

Arrr,

Bloody Roger th' Bilgerat

Dear TJL,

My parrot has fleas and a horrible underbite, and it turns out is actually a cat.

What should I do?

Arrr,

Bloody Roger th' Bilgerat

Dear Roger,

For the last time, the eyepatch goes over your bad eye!

;)

Dear TJL.

All I do is eat Chex Mix. I can't seem to stop this habit of mine. Give me some advice Please...

Red.........

Dear TJL.

All I do is eat Chex Mix. I can't seem to stop this habit of mine. Give me some advice Please...

Red.........

Dear Red,

Okay, we'll kick your Chex habit once and for all with a little reverse psychology. My Mother used to do this to me, and it screwed me up big time so it must work.

Okay, let's start.

You want some Chex Mix? Fine have some. Go ahead. Have as much as you want. Enjoy. It's fine with me. Eat up. I'm not going to stop you. No, I don't want any. You can have it. Go ahead. It's all yours.

By now you should be running off screaming.

;)

Dear TJL,
Why don't I have any luck? Does God really hate me that much? Does God really exsist?

-Lost and confused.

Originally posted by TJL
[B]Aprove isto não é uma pergunta engraçada, mas eu sou justo.. assim perdido. *gritos*


:confused: Who wrote that??

Dear TJL,
Why don't I have any luck? Does God really hate me that much? Does God really exsist?

-Lost and confused.

Dear Lost,

I'm sure everything will work out...

Give my best wishes to the First Lady.

;)

In regards to the post above this one. TJL. I forgot to click on "quote"

Good One!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:lol: :lol: :lol:

Dear TJL,
How come politics cannot be discussed or joked about in posts yet can be in signatures and avatars?

-Confused.

Dear TJL,
How come politics cannot be discussed or joked about in posts yet can be in signatures and avatars?

-Confused.

Dear Confused,

Boy, that's a tough question. I'm going to answer that the same way I answered those really tough questions they asked me in high school:

Can I go to the bathroom?

;)

Originally posted by TJL
Dear Confused,

Boy, that's a tough question. I'm going to answer that the same way I answered those really tough questions they asked me in high school:

Can I go to the bathroom?

;) :lol:

Dear TJL,

I have this strange fear of staplers. Every night I have horrid dreams of all the staples falling on the floor and I would have to actually :gulp: pick them all up :eek: How can I face my fears? I'm really scared :( .

Yours truly,
Pinky.

Dear TJL,

Is love really all around? And is there a need to waste it?

Sincerely,
A Confused One-

Originally posted by RurryMicelli
Dear TJL,

Is love really all around? And is there a need to waste it?

Sincerely,
A Confused One-

You might just make it after all!:D

Originally posted by Mr. Stefani
Dear TJL,
How come politics cannot be discussed or joked about in posts yet can be in signatures and avatars?

-Confused.
because this board sucks.

Originally posted by Mr. Stefani
Dear TJL,
How come politics cannot be discussed or joked about in posts yet can be in signatures and avatars?

-Confused.
I'm confused as well. I've asked TJ about it. His rule is no politics at all in posts, but they are allowed in sigs and avatars.

While TJL is off to the bathroom avoiding the question, (that was a good one, TJL, :)) maybe us students should take a vote on this one and let him off the hook.

I vote to get rid of Politics in signs, avatars and sigs.:wave: See, my hand is up saying "I".

Dear TJL,

I have this strange fear of staplers. Every night I have horrid dreams of all the staples falling on the floor and I would have to actually :gulp: pick them all up :eek: How can I face my fears? I'm really scared :( .

Yours truly,
Pinky.

Dear Pink,

Your problem reminds me of something that happened to me the other day.
I was waiting on line at the McDonald's, when overwhelming hunger and the smell of grease made me a bit lightheaded.
I saw a swirling white light, and then I found myself in the boardroom of McDonald's Inc. and I was Ronald McDonald! I've had dreams of being a clown before, but never was I the big kahuna of clowns! I was sitting at the end of a long table surrounded by top Mickey D's executives all wearing power ties and smoking thick cigars.
The chairman, a rather rotund and angry man (think Jabba The Hutt in Armani) rose and spoke. "McDonald," he bellowed, "We've had it with you! We heard about your little party at the Ronald McDonald house where you and GRimace tried to stuff twenty female trainees into the hot tub, and how you and a drunken Hamburglar hot-wired a van and crashed it inot a local Burger King! And don't think we don't know who wrote those commentes about our "special sauce" in the executive washroom!" The evil corporate jackals around me harumphed in agreement. "Turn in your yellow jumper," the chairman continued, "You'll never work fast food again!"
Suddenly the executives stood up, surrounding me one by one. I tried to run, but one of them stood on my giant red shoes. In a flash the chairman was on top of me, moist towelette at the ready, ready to strip me of my famous clownish grin!
I awoke on the floor of the McDonalds, where I had pssed out.
"I'm not a clown! I'm a human being" I cried, leaping onto the counter and busting a move until security and the mop guy subdued me and tossed me to the curb.

So yeah, staplers are scary.

;)

Dear TJL,

What can I get my monkey for our anniversary?

<3,

Me

Dear TJL,

What can I get my monkey for our anniversary?

<3,

Me
UGH *throws poop* WAY TO MAKE IT A SURPRISE.

Dear TJL,

Why are there naked people in my hot tub at 4 am?

dear TJL,

have you ever been low? have you ever had a friend that let you down so when the truth came out were you the last to know, cuz what you did was low?

Dear TJL,

I currently possess a substantial quandary which significantly disrupts my social interactions with other members of the genus homo sapiens. Other individuals criticize my fixation with non-monosyllabic verbiage and inability to converse in a more common dialect. Is there a crucial defect with attaining an intelligence quotient of 8549 to the 37th power, or are others merely chartreuse with envy because they contain mass quantities of bovine fertilizer material? I sincerely supplicate your wise counsel in this personal issue.

With great esteem,

I dub myself

The (Super)Human Thesaurus