Moondance
05-30-2004, 04:45 PM
Guru Sternin
By: S. Wilhelmina Feenster
ACT ONE
Scene A
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO – DAY – DAY/1
(Lilith, Diane)
Dr. Lilith Sternin has just gone on the air.
Lilith: Good afternoon, Boston. I am Dr. Lilith Sternin, a professional psychiatrist and here to take your calls. [waits] Anyone? [sips water] If I may remind those who have just tuned in, I am taking calls. [irritated] For God sakes, someone pick up the damn phone and call!
Diane Chambers is sitting in the studio and comes up on stage.
Diane: If I may so bold as to suggest that you loosen the bun and let down your hair, Dr. Sternin.
Lilith: I don’t see why it would make any difference.
Diane: Please oblige to my request.
Lilith takes down her hair and the phones start ringing off the hook. Diane sits back and smiles.
Cut to:
Scene B
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO – LATER THAT EVENING – NIGHT/1
[Lilith, Diane, Nora (V.O.)]
Lilith is kept on the line by Nora Buchanan.
Nora: [voice over] …and we’re planning this camping trip.
Lilith: Thanks for sharing that extensive, yet grotesque, collaboration of run on sentences. I’m sure my viewers will sympathize with me on this.
Nora: But this is my problem.
Lilith: We are aware of that, Mrs. Buchanan.
Nora: Will you come to my house tomorrow afternoon at two o’clock?
Lilith: I will do what I can. [sarcasm] Thank you for taking up my time. I will see what’s left of my audience on Monday’s show.
Diane claps in the background.
Lilith: [CONT’D; walks over to Diane] Thanks to you, my show turned into a ghastly, idealistic, travesty, that was diversely elongated by a moronic, and needless to say, dull woman, with whom I have to share my afternoon with tomorrow.
Diane: And a lovely show it was, Lilith. You are what the great poets call…
Lilith: Why don’t you go choke on some books, Diane? [leaves]
Diane: [frowns] Well that was uncalled for.
Diane walks out, as we:
Scene C
INT. NORA’S LIVING ROOM – DAY – DAY/2
[Nora, Bo, Matthew, Lilith]
Nora is rushing Matthew and Bo into getting dressed for their special guest.
Nora: [yelling upstairs] Bo, its ok. I decided not to wear a brassier.
Doorbell rings.
Nora: Our guest is here. Get down here, you two! [opens the door] Hello, doctor. It’s an honor to have you in our home.
Bo: [coming downstairs] I don’t live here, Nora.
Nora: Dr. Sternin, this is Bo Buchanan.
Lilith: [in a dull grey dress suit] No need for an explanation. Cohabitation is nothing to be ashamed of. What ever suits your yearning for contentment?
Bo: I already told you that I don’t live here.
Matthew: [running downstairs] Bo, I found “Finding Nemo!”
Lilith: Finding, what?
Matthew: “Finding Nemo.” It’s a movie about a fish that gets lost from his family. He ends up in a dentist’s office, but gets flushed down the toilet and back into the ocean, where he finds his dad.
Lilith: How redundant.
Nora: Please sit. [holds up a plate of hors d’oeuvres] Cocktail wiener…?
Lilith: No thank you. [looks around] Your home expresses an exuberant amount of irony.
Nora: Oh, really? [places the plate back on the table]
Lilith: It’s a welcoming atmosphere, yet your occupants show signs of distress, emotionally and metaphysically.
Nora: Hmm, there must be a mistake.
Lilith: Mrs. Buchanan, you called me here for professional advice, did you not?
Nora: Well, yeah…
Lilith: I don’t normally make house calls to those of your discontinuity.
Nora: We are a happy family.
Lilith: [sarcasm] Yes, and I wear sports wear on a daily basis.
Nora: Must you be so sarcastic?
Lilith: Must you be so dense? I entered your home with the prelusion that you were living in a fictitious illusion. I am a psychiatrist. It is my job to analyze your faults into more constructive methods.
Nora: Yes, well, I apologize.
Lilith: [gives Nora the cold eye] Let’s move on. I would like to begin with Mr. Buchanan and please be honest. I didn’t fly all the way from Boston for mere fabrications.
Bo: Ok. Where do I start?
Lilith: What attracted you to—[to Nora] Excuse me, but what’s your maiden name?
Nora: Hanen, but my full name is Nora Hanen Gannon Buchanan.
Lilith: That is rather explorative. Let’s work from there.
Cut to:
Scene D
INT. NORA’S LIVING ROOM – CONTINUED – DAY – DAY/2
[Bo, Nora, Matthew, Lilith]
Bo finishes discussing his past relationship with Nora.
Lilith: [sensing doubt] You speak as though you regret your past relationship.
Bo: It wasn’t one of my happier times. I felt like I wasted five years with the wrong woman.
Nora: [astonished] Bo, we had fun.
Bo: [laughs] That’s what I made you think.
Lilith: Ms. Hanen, would you say that Mr. Buchanan is a sufficient suitor?
Nora: Dr. Sternin, I go by Mrs. Buchanan.
Lilith: So you’re telling me that your reluctance has caused you to repress into a diversified illusion.
Nora: I like the last name, ok?
Lilith: To be perfectly honest with you, I’m perplexed by your delusive behavior. I would regard that as being obsessive, Ms. Hanen.
Nora: How could loving your family be an obsession?
Lilith: Mr. Buchanan denies living here, yet you insist that he play make believe.
Bo: She’s right, Nora. I don’t love you. [beat] Sure, I love Matthew, but he’s my son. There was only one woman in this world that I loved more than my own life, and that was Gabrielle.
Lilith: Would that be Gabrielle Medina?
Bo: [grins] Yeah. Did you know her?
Lilith: No, but I over heard a friend of mine, Sam Malone, say that Gabrielle Medina was sharing an apartment with Diane.
Bo: Whoa. Are you talking about the same Sam Malone, who used to play for the Boston Redsocks?
Lilith: That is correct.
Matthew: But, Bo, we like the Yankees.
Bo: Matthew, why don’t you go upstairs and play with your Digimon toys.
Matthew: Ok.
Matthew goes upstairs and Nora stands up.
Nora: Bo, excuse me, but who is paying for this session?
Lilith: Ms. Hanen, my advice to you is become a fiction writer. [stands up and straightens out her knee length skirt] I must be on my way. [shakes Bo and Nora’s hand] Good evening, Mr. Buchanan. Ms. Hanen.
Bo: Hold on. I’ll go to Boston with you.
Nora: [appalled] Bo!
Lilith: You best get started on that book. [grabs her coat] Come along, Mr. Buchanan.
Bo: Call me Bo… [as they go out the door, Bo says] How did you know I was talking about Gabrielle Medina?
Lilith: [as the door closes] She talks about you in the bar.
End of Act One
ACT TWO
Scene E
EXT. CHEERS BAR – DAY – DAY/3
[Diane, Carla, Woody, Lilith, Bo, Gabrielle]
People are walking up and down the street.
Cut to:
INT. CHEERS BAR – DAY – DAY/3
Carla is standing next to Diane at the bar. Diane is telling everyone about her new friend, Gabrielle Medina.
Diane: [smug expression] Did I mention that she used to be a style editor?
Carla: Yeah, and we’re all sick of hearing about it.
Diane: [frowns] Carla, I have you know that Gabrielle Medina is a notable woman of the arts. Like me, she was a ballerina…
Carla: But I bet she could dance.
Diane: Now Carla, be nice. She’s stopping by here on her way to the dry cleaners.
Carla: [smiles; sarcastically] Oh, good. We’re finally going to meet her majesty.
Woody: Is she really a queen, Ms. Chambers?
Diane: No, Woody. Carla was just teasing.
Woody: [cleaning out a glass] That’s funny. She wasn’t carrying around a brush.
Gabrielle enters the bar.
Gabrielle: Hello, Diane. I picked up your dry cleaning. I took the liberties of dropping it off at your apartment. I hope you don’t mind.
Diane: Gabrielle, you didn’t have to do that. [puts her arm about Gabrielle and says proudly] Everyone, this is my friend, Gabrielle Medina.
Everyone: [not really paying attention; adlibbing] Yeah. Hi.
Diane: [walking her around] This is Woody; he’s one of our bartenders.
Woody: Hello, Ms. Medina. What exactly does the queen do in that big house of hers?
Gabrielle: [smiling, politely] I wouldn’t know. I’m from Argentina.
Woody: Is that near Indiana? I’m from Hanover…
Gabrielle: Argentina is in South America.
Woody: Oh, I get it, North America and South America. That’s very clever, Ms. Medina.
Gabrielle gives Diane a befuddled stare.
Diane: Come on, Gabby. I can call you Gabby, right? After all, we’re practically sisters.
Carla: Hey, so you’re the Queen of Tarts that Diane has been jabbering about all day.
Diane: [sort of whiny] Come on, Carla, she’s my friend. You don’t have to be so churlish.
Carla: You’re right, Diane. What was I thinking? There’s only one Queen of Tarts, and you hold that title.
Diane: [to Gabrielle] Don’t listen to her. She’s been in a coma for months, and just returned to us today.
Gabrielle: How terrible.
Diane: Gabby, I want to introduce you to Sam. [smiles; leads her into Sam’s office] Sam? This is my new friend, Gabrielle Medina.
Sam: [smiling, flirtatiously] Hello.
Diane: Gabrielle is from Argentina.
Gabrielle: Well, actually, I just moved here from Pennsylvania.
Sam: Oh! Which part?
Gabrielle: Llanview. It’s a small town.
Sam: I hear you’re staying with Diane, here.
Gabrielle: Yes, for a little while. I need to get out there and start a new life for myself.
Sam: [jokingly] What, were you in the witness protection program? [laughs]
Diane: [Diane laugh, hits Sam] Oh, Sam, stop!
Sam: I was just kidding.
Diane: Gabrielle used to be a style editor.
Sam: Yeah, I know. [Gabrielle looks at him all befuddled] Diane’s been talking about you all morning. You’re like an old friend.
Diane: [flattered by Sam’s words] Oh, Sam. [to Gabrielle] Do you see he’s still crazy about me?
Sam: [through his teeth] I’m crazy, alright.
Diane: Gabby, I think it’s time I give you a tour of Boston. [looks at Sam] I’ll see you later tonight.
Diane and Gabrielle leave his office.
Cut to:
Scene F
INT. CHEERS BAR – LATE NIGHT – NIGHT/3
Lilith walks into the bar with Bo on her arm.
Woody: Hello, Dr. Sternin. Can I get you anything?
Lilith: A scotch.
Woody: Who’s your friend?
Lilith: This is Commissioner Bo Buchanan. He’s a policeman.
Woody: [recognizing look] Hey, I know you. You were that guy on the TV selling old used cars in Hanover.
Lilith: [rolls her eyes] Woody, must you act subnormal?
Woody: I don’t know what you mean, Dr. Sternin.
Lilith: My point, exactly.
Bo: So, where is she?
Lilith: Elsewhere.
Bo: [as Carla passes by] I haven’t seen Gabrielle in almost six months.
Carla gets up on the table and stuffs a dish rag in his mouth.
Carla: Say that name one more time, and you’ll be limping out of here, permanently.
Lilith: Carla, where’s Diane?
Carla: Would you like a few hot coals shoved up your nose? Then maybe you would finally defrost.
Lilith: Your callous behavior is phlegmatic and lacking all sense of color.
Carla: Like your face!
Carla goes back into the pool room.
Bo has tears in his eyes from laughing so hard.
Lilith: Do you find this dispute amusing, commissioner?
Bo: [clears his throat; to Woody] Could I have a beer?
Woody: Sure.
Diane enters the bar with Gabrielle by her side.
Diane: Hello, everyone. I’m back.
Lilith: [turns around in her chair, sees Gabrielle] Diane, you’re here. Could I possibly obtain your friend briefly at your expense?
Diane: Ok, but don’t think you’re going to steal her away from me.
Lilith taps Bo on the shoulder. He turns around in his chair, and grins from ear to ear.
Bo: You’re alive. [hugs her] Oh, honey! I thought I lost you forever. I had to go on a boring camping trip with Nora and Matthew. [holds her face] Pretending to be happy is no picnic in the park. [kisses her] I love you.
Gabrielle: Bo, let’s go somewhere, [looks at Diane about to sob] where nobody knows our names.
Bo: You’ve got it, honey.
Gabrielle: We can get married still, right?
Bo: You bet.
Bo and Gabrielle kiss. Diane sits at the bar, all depressed.
Gabrielle: [sees Diane] Just a minute, Bo. [to Diane] You have been very nice to me this past week. I don’t know how to repay you.
Diane: Well, [thinks for a moment] you could invite me to your wedding.
Gabrielle: Alright, but only if you invite me to your wedding to Sam.
Diane: [touched] You really are like a sister to me. [they hug each other]
Gabrielle: I’ll call you.
Gabrielle smiles as Bo takes her out the door.
Carla comes out of the pool room. Sam steps out of his office.
Carla: It’s gone!
Sam: What’s gone?
Carla: My splitting headache! [to Diane] Why didn’t you do us all a favor and go back to Crumpet Ville with the queen?
Woody: [smiling; feeling smart] I knew she was royalty.
End of Act Two
By: S. Wilhelmina Feenster
ACT ONE
Scene A
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO – DAY – DAY/1
(Lilith, Diane)
Dr. Lilith Sternin has just gone on the air.
Lilith: Good afternoon, Boston. I am Dr. Lilith Sternin, a professional psychiatrist and here to take your calls. [waits] Anyone? [sips water] If I may remind those who have just tuned in, I am taking calls. [irritated] For God sakes, someone pick up the damn phone and call!
Diane Chambers is sitting in the studio and comes up on stage.
Diane: If I may so bold as to suggest that you loosen the bun and let down your hair, Dr. Sternin.
Lilith: I don’t see why it would make any difference.
Diane: Please oblige to my request.
Lilith takes down her hair and the phones start ringing off the hook. Diane sits back and smiles.
Cut to:
Scene B
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO – LATER THAT EVENING – NIGHT/1
[Lilith, Diane, Nora (V.O.)]
Lilith is kept on the line by Nora Buchanan.
Nora: [voice over] …and we’re planning this camping trip.
Lilith: Thanks for sharing that extensive, yet grotesque, collaboration of run on sentences. I’m sure my viewers will sympathize with me on this.
Nora: But this is my problem.
Lilith: We are aware of that, Mrs. Buchanan.
Nora: Will you come to my house tomorrow afternoon at two o’clock?
Lilith: I will do what I can. [sarcasm] Thank you for taking up my time. I will see what’s left of my audience on Monday’s show.
Diane claps in the background.
Lilith: [CONT’D; walks over to Diane] Thanks to you, my show turned into a ghastly, idealistic, travesty, that was diversely elongated by a moronic, and needless to say, dull woman, with whom I have to share my afternoon with tomorrow.
Diane: And a lovely show it was, Lilith. You are what the great poets call…
Lilith: Why don’t you go choke on some books, Diane? [leaves]
Diane: [frowns] Well that was uncalled for.
Diane walks out, as we:
Scene C
INT. NORA’S LIVING ROOM – DAY – DAY/2
[Nora, Bo, Matthew, Lilith]
Nora is rushing Matthew and Bo into getting dressed for their special guest.
Nora: [yelling upstairs] Bo, its ok. I decided not to wear a brassier.
Doorbell rings.
Nora: Our guest is here. Get down here, you two! [opens the door] Hello, doctor. It’s an honor to have you in our home.
Bo: [coming downstairs] I don’t live here, Nora.
Nora: Dr. Sternin, this is Bo Buchanan.
Lilith: [in a dull grey dress suit] No need for an explanation. Cohabitation is nothing to be ashamed of. What ever suits your yearning for contentment?
Bo: I already told you that I don’t live here.
Matthew: [running downstairs] Bo, I found “Finding Nemo!”
Lilith: Finding, what?
Matthew: “Finding Nemo.” It’s a movie about a fish that gets lost from his family. He ends up in a dentist’s office, but gets flushed down the toilet and back into the ocean, where he finds his dad.
Lilith: How redundant.
Nora: Please sit. [holds up a plate of hors d’oeuvres] Cocktail wiener…?
Lilith: No thank you. [looks around] Your home expresses an exuberant amount of irony.
Nora: Oh, really? [places the plate back on the table]
Lilith: It’s a welcoming atmosphere, yet your occupants show signs of distress, emotionally and metaphysically.
Nora: Hmm, there must be a mistake.
Lilith: Mrs. Buchanan, you called me here for professional advice, did you not?
Nora: Well, yeah…
Lilith: I don’t normally make house calls to those of your discontinuity.
Nora: We are a happy family.
Lilith: [sarcasm] Yes, and I wear sports wear on a daily basis.
Nora: Must you be so sarcastic?
Lilith: Must you be so dense? I entered your home with the prelusion that you were living in a fictitious illusion. I am a psychiatrist. It is my job to analyze your faults into more constructive methods.
Nora: Yes, well, I apologize.
Lilith: [gives Nora the cold eye] Let’s move on. I would like to begin with Mr. Buchanan and please be honest. I didn’t fly all the way from Boston for mere fabrications.
Bo: Ok. Where do I start?
Lilith: What attracted you to—[to Nora] Excuse me, but what’s your maiden name?
Nora: Hanen, but my full name is Nora Hanen Gannon Buchanan.
Lilith: That is rather explorative. Let’s work from there.
Cut to:
Scene D
INT. NORA’S LIVING ROOM – CONTINUED – DAY – DAY/2
[Bo, Nora, Matthew, Lilith]
Bo finishes discussing his past relationship with Nora.
Lilith: [sensing doubt] You speak as though you regret your past relationship.
Bo: It wasn’t one of my happier times. I felt like I wasted five years with the wrong woman.
Nora: [astonished] Bo, we had fun.
Bo: [laughs] That’s what I made you think.
Lilith: Ms. Hanen, would you say that Mr. Buchanan is a sufficient suitor?
Nora: Dr. Sternin, I go by Mrs. Buchanan.
Lilith: So you’re telling me that your reluctance has caused you to repress into a diversified illusion.
Nora: I like the last name, ok?
Lilith: To be perfectly honest with you, I’m perplexed by your delusive behavior. I would regard that as being obsessive, Ms. Hanen.
Nora: How could loving your family be an obsession?
Lilith: Mr. Buchanan denies living here, yet you insist that he play make believe.
Bo: She’s right, Nora. I don’t love you. [beat] Sure, I love Matthew, but he’s my son. There was only one woman in this world that I loved more than my own life, and that was Gabrielle.
Lilith: Would that be Gabrielle Medina?
Bo: [grins] Yeah. Did you know her?
Lilith: No, but I over heard a friend of mine, Sam Malone, say that Gabrielle Medina was sharing an apartment with Diane.
Bo: Whoa. Are you talking about the same Sam Malone, who used to play for the Boston Redsocks?
Lilith: That is correct.
Matthew: But, Bo, we like the Yankees.
Bo: Matthew, why don’t you go upstairs and play with your Digimon toys.
Matthew: Ok.
Matthew goes upstairs and Nora stands up.
Nora: Bo, excuse me, but who is paying for this session?
Lilith: Ms. Hanen, my advice to you is become a fiction writer. [stands up and straightens out her knee length skirt] I must be on my way. [shakes Bo and Nora’s hand] Good evening, Mr. Buchanan. Ms. Hanen.
Bo: Hold on. I’ll go to Boston with you.
Nora: [appalled] Bo!
Lilith: You best get started on that book. [grabs her coat] Come along, Mr. Buchanan.
Bo: Call me Bo… [as they go out the door, Bo says] How did you know I was talking about Gabrielle Medina?
Lilith: [as the door closes] She talks about you in the bar.
End of Act One
ACT TWO
Scene E
EXT. CHEERS BAR – DAY – DAY/3
[Diane, Carla, Woody, Lilith, Bo, Gabrielle]
People are walking up and down the street.
Cut to:
INT. CHEERS BAR – DAY – DAY/3
Carla is standing next to Diane at the bar. Diane is telling everyone about her new friend, Gabrielle Medina.
Diane: [smug expression] Did I mention that she used to be a style editor?
Carla: Yeah, and we’re all sick of hearing about it.
Diane: [frowns] Carla, I have you know that Gabrielle Medina is a notable woman of the arts. Like me, she was a ballerina…
Carla: But I bet she could dance.
Diane: Now Carla, be nice. She’s stopping by here on her way to the dry cleaners.
Carla: [smiles; sarcastically] Oh, good. We’re finally going to meet her majesty.
Woody: Is she really a queen, Ms. Chambers?
Diane: No, Woody. Carla was just teasing.
Woody: [cleaning out a glass] That’s funny. She wasn’t carrying around a brush.
Gabrielle enters the bar.
Gabrielle: Hello, Diane. I picked up your dry cleaning. I took the liberties of dropping it off at your apartment. I hope you don’t mind.
Diane: Gabrielle, you didn’t have to do that. [puts her arm about Gabrielle and says proudly] Everyone, this is my friend, Gabrielle Medina.
Everyone: [not really paying attention; adlibbing] Yeah. Hi.
Diane: [walking her around] This is Woody; he’s one of our bartenders.
Woody: Hello, Ms. Medina. What exactly does the queen do in that big house of hers?
Gabrielle: [smiling, politely] I wouldn’t know. I’m from Argentina.
Woody: Is that near Indiana? I’m from Hanover…
Gabrielle: Argentina is in South America.
Woody: Oh, I get it, North America and South America. That’s very clever, Ms. Medina.
Gabrielle gives Diane a befuddled stare.
Diane: Come on, Gabby. I can call you Gabby, right? After all, we’re practically sisters.
Carla: Hey, so you’re the Queen of Tarts that Diane has been jabbering about all day.
Diane: [sort of whiny] Come on, Carla, she’s my friend. You don’t have to be so churlish.
Carla: You’re right, Diane. What was I thinking? There’s only one Queen of Tarts, and you hold that title.
Diane: [to Gabrielle] Don’t listen to her. She’s been in a coma for months, and just returned to us today.
Gabrielle: How terrible.
Diane: Gabby, I want to introduce you to Sam. [smiles; leads her into Sam’s office] Sam? This is my new friend, Gabrielle Medina.
Sam: [smiling, flirtatiously] Hello.
Diane: Gabrielle is from Argentina.
Gabrielle: Well, actually, I just moved here from Pennsylvania.
Sam: Oh! Which part?
Gabrielle: Llanview. It’s a small town.
Sam: I hear you’re staying with Diane, here.
Gabrielle: Yes, for a little while. I need to get out there and start a new life for myself.
Sam: [jokingly] What, were you in the witness protection program? [laughs]
Diane: [Diane laugh, hits Sam] Oh, Sam, stop!
Sam: I was just kidding.
Diane: Gabrielle used to be a style editor.
Sam: Yeah, I know. [Gabrielle looks at him all befuddled] Diane’s been talking about you all morning. You’re like an old friend.
Diane: [flattered by Sam’s words] Oh, Sam. [to Gabrielle] Do you see he’s still crazy about me?
Sam: [through his teeth] I’m crazy, alright.
Diane: Gabby, I think it’s time I give you a tour of Boston. [looks at Sam] I’ll see you later tonight.
Diane and Gabrielle leave his office.
Cut to:
Scene F
INT. CHEERS BAR – LATE NIGHT – NIGHT/3
Lilith walks into the bar with Bo on her arm.
Woody: Hello, Dr. Sternin. Can I get you anything?
Lilith: A scotch.
Woody: Who’s your friend?
Lilith: This is Commissioner Bo Buchanan. He’s a policeman.
Woody: [recognizing look] Hey, I know you. You were that guy on the TV selling old used cars in Hanover.
Lilith: [rolls her eyes] Woody, must you act subnormal?
Woody: I don’t know what you mean, Dr. Sternin.
Lilith: My point, exactly.
Bo: So, where is she?
Lilith: Elsewhere.
Bo: [as Carla passes by] I haven’t seen Gabrielle in almost six months.
Carla gets up on the table and stuffs a dish rag in his mouth.
Carla: Say that name one more time, and you’ll be limping out of here, permanently.
Lilith: Carla, where’s Diane?
Carla: Would you like a few hot coals shoved up your nose? Then maybe you would finally defrost.
Lilith: Your callous behavior is phlegmatic and lacking all sense of color.
Carla: Like your face!
Carla goes back into the pool room.
Bo has tears in his eyes from laughing so hard.
Lilith: Do you find this dispute amusing, commissioner?
Bo: [clears his throat; to Woody] Could I have a beer?
Woody: Sure.
Diane enters the bar with Gabrielle by her side.
Diane: Hello, everyone. I’m back.
Lilith: [turns around in her chair, sees Gabrielle] Diane, you’re here. Could I possibly obtain your friend briefly at your expense?
Diane: Ok, but don’t think you’re going to steal her away from me.
Lilith taps Bo on the shoulder. He turns around in his chair, and grins from ear to ear.
Bo: You’re alive. [hugs her] Oh, honey! I thought I lost you forever. I had to go on a boring camping trip with Nora and Matthew. [holds her face] Pretending to be happy is no picnic in the park. [kisses her] I love you.
Gabrielle: Bo, let’s go somewhere, [looks at Diane about to sob] where nobody knows our names.
Bo: You’ve got it, honey.
Gabrielle: We can get married still, right?
Bo: You bet.
Bo and Gabrielle kiss. Diane sits at the bar, all depressed.
Gabrielle: [sees Diane] Just a minute, Bo. [to Diane] You have been very nice to me this past week. I don’t know how to repay you.
Diane: Well, [thinks for a moment] you could invite me to your wedding.
Gabrielle: Alright, but only if you invite me to your wedding to Sam.
Diane: [touched] You really are like a sister to me. [they hug each other]
Gabrielle: I’ll call you.
Gabrielle smiles as Bo takes her out the door.
Carla comes out of the pool room. Sam steps out of his office.
Carla: It’s gone!
Sam: What’s gone?
Carla: My splitting headache! [to Diane] Why didn’t you do us all a favor and go back to Crumpet Ville with the queen?
Woody: [smiling; feeling smart] I knew she was royalty.
End of Act Two