My life has really become a living hell in recent months. My grandmother moved in with us last December. (I should say, forced herself into our home because she can't care for herself anymore and REFUSES to be put in a nursing home or assisted living facility.) I know she is my grandmother, but I cannot stand this woman! She is rude, selfish, stubborn, bitter, whiny, and miserable. She never has anything nice to say about anyone or anything. She can always find something to whine and complain about. She treats my mother (her daughter-in-law) like garbage and is always criticizing her and my father. She took over my sister's bedroom, so my sister has to sleep in my room. I have no privacy, no place to be alone anymore. The atmosphere at home has become so unpleasant. I'm stuck taking care of Grandma all day because I still haven't found a job yet and I'm still at that :cuss: grocery store during the evenings. (At least I get away from the house though.)Grandma refuses any outside help. like home health aides and respite care, so we're stuck doing it all. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've become so depressed and I fell like there's no way out. I can't live on my own right now, but I can't stay in this hell-hole either.

Put her in the nursing home or at least an old folk's home(it's not a nursing home, it's nice apartments that she can live in and if she needs help, they will help her). My great-grandmother lived there for years and then moved to a nursing home before she died two years ago. She was 86.

I don't care if she likes it. Life's not fair! :p

Originally posted by Brent88
Put her in the nursing home or at least an old folk's home(it's not a nursing home, it's nice apartments that she can live in and if she needs help, they will help her). My great-grandmother lived there for years and then moved to a nursing home before she died two years ago. She was 86.

I don't care if she likes it. Life's not fair! :p
Ditto. My grandmother has lived in a retirement home for the longest time. It wasnt until last year when she had no choice BUT to be placed in a nursing home. We knew she hated it, but there was no way we could take care of her. It was the best we could do for her, so she could have watch 24/7.

Ohhhhhhhh my god. Welcome to my world, honey. My grandma lives with me too....Your situation sounds exactly like mine, except my grandma CAN take care of herself. I don't understand why she moved in with us in the first place. But anyways, I know what your going through. She's been here for like 6 years....The worst 6 years of my life. I honestly don't know what to tell you....But yeah I know what your going through.

:( CAN FEEL YOUR PAIN

and trust me its not you or your life its her.

I hope you won't mind a few thoughts from someone who's straddling that cruelly vague line between youth and old age. I can still remember one, but I'm getting glimpses of the other, and it can be frightening at times.

First of all, you do have my sympathy. I know what a helpless, frustrating feeling it is to be living under someone else's roof, subject to their rules and demands. Even though you're not a teenager anymore, you're still in your parents' house so the dynamic hasn't really changed. You might feel as though your needs and feelings are not being considered. It's as though you're trapped and might never be free. It's a horrible, depressing state to be in. And I would guess that you're probably sick of hearing people tell you that you've got your whole life ahead of you, but it's true. It might not seem like it now, but your time will come.

For your grandmother, though, this is the end of the line. She had a family, probably made a lot of sacrifices along the way, but I'm sure this isn't the way she envisioned her future when she was your age. You probably have dreams of what you want to do with your life, and you'll have plenty of opportunities to make those dreams come true. But this is it for her. This is her life. All she has now, and for whatever time she might have left, is what you and your family choose to provide for her. It's like being a child all over again -- no freedom, no privacy, no autonomy -- but the difference is that she knows what it's like to be out in the world, pursuing life, and she knows she'll never have that again. If I were in that position, I think I'd be pretty ticked off and more than a little scared.

I know it's a real pain in the butt to have her around, but you might find that a little empathy and understanding could go a long way toward making the situation more tolerable for all of you. I wish you luck.

I was in the same situation as you you a couple of years ago.
After my grandmother died my granfather vame to live with us for about three months. They were three LONG months. My grandfather was (he passed away last summer) very opinionated and very stuck in his ways and very diificult to get along with. We ended up putting him in a retirement home, where he ended up being very happy. I know what you are going through, so just hang in there, Kirsten, it will get better. :)

:( I'm sorry to hear that. Don't you just wish you could sit that old lady down and tell her off for being such a burden? I mean, it sounds like she wants to be a burden to all of you. Which isn't fair. I can understand not wanting to be in a nursing home...my great-grandma didn't want to either, but eventually my grandma said enough is enough. She was trying to take care of her, but there's only so much a non-professional can do.

And I feel your pain about the job thing. I have this college degree that I spent a lot of money and time on getting...and it hasn't done me one bit of good. Employeers must think I'm kidding when I fill in an application. :mad:

This post makes me sad. I miss my grandmother, who died 7 years ago this month, more than anything in the world. I would climb mountains to have her back, just for one single day. Sometimes she got on my nerves but she was my grandma and I miss her so much - just as much, if not more, today than when she died.

You should appreciate what you have while you have it. You won't know what it's like when it's gone. You'll regret feeling how you feel and saying what you've said. I guarantee it.

I lost both my Grandmothers and would love to have them back. They both wound up in Nursing homes but it was because their health had gotten to bad and basicaly they had to have 24 hour treatment. My one Grandma did live with my Uncle's family until he died. I would never force anybody into a nursing home who did not want to go.

i hate my life too. i need to go die.

Originally posted by Nanny Fine
This post makes me sad. I miss my grandmother, who died 7 years ago this month, more than anything in the world. I would climb mountains to have her back, just for one single day. Sometimes she got on my nerves but she was my grandma and I miss her so much - just as much, if not more, today than when she died.

You should appreciate what you have while you have it. You won't know what it's like when it's gone. You'll regret feeling how you feel and saying what you've said. I guarantee it.

I agree completely. :clap:

Originally posted by Nanny Fine
This post makes me sad. I miss my grandmother, who died 7 years ago this month, more than anything in the world. I would climb mountains to have her back, just for one single day. Sometimes she got on my nerves but she was my grandma and I miss her so much - just as much, if not more, today than when she died.

You should appreciate what you have while you have it. You won't know what it's like when it's gone. You'll regret feeling how you feel and saying what you've said. I guarantee it.

Yeah, I have to agree too. :nod: I know that this must seem pretty awful right now, Kristen, but I just found out today that my grandfather is being taken off dialysis, and once that happens, he only has a matter of days left. I finally realize how important grandparents are...I hope you realize that before it's too late. Good luck.

~Lauren

Originally posted by david&maddie4ever
Yeah, I have to agree too. :nod: I know that this must seem pretty awful right now, Kristen, but I just found out today that my grandfather is being taken off dialysis, and once that happens, he only has a matter of days left. I finally realize how important grandparents are...I hope you realize that before it's too late. Good luck.

~Lauren

Awww, I'm sorry, Lauren. :( :hug:

Originally posted by ElvisDustyfan
Awww, I'm sorry, Lauren. :( :hug:

Thanks, Cindy. :bighug:

Originally posted by david&maddie4ever
Thanks, Cindy. :bighug:

Having lost my one Grandmother, last year and my remaining Grandma is not doing well at all, the Dr. said she could pass on, anytime. So, I do know how it feels. :bighug:

Originally posted by ElvisDustyfan
Having lost my one Grandmother, last year and my remaining Grandma is not doing well at all, the Dr. said she could pass on, anytime. So, I do know how it feels. :bighug:

I would say that it's nice to know that there are others who are going through what I'm going through, but it's not really "nice," is it? It's...comforting. That's the word I'm looking for. :)

Originally posted by david&maddie4ever
I would say that it's nice to know that there are others who are going through what I'm going through, but it's not really "nice," is it? It's...comforting. That's the word I'm looking for. :)

:nod: :hug:

I'm sorry you two.:(

Originally posted by mr roper
I'm sorry you two.:(

Thanks, Sonny. :hug:

Originally posted by mr roper
I'm sorry you two.:(

:thanks:

My grandmother was more to me than my parents have ever been. She only had my dad, no daughters, so when I had my daughter she felt like she finally had her own daughter. I was violently ill while I was pregnant, hospitalized, on home health care, etc. My grandma moved into my home and took care of me. Her life revolved around me, when I couldn't eat she changed my IV bags, when I couldn't get to teh bathroom she changed the buckets for me, she bathed me when I couldn't because of my IV's...

She always made sure that my rent was paid if I couldn't pay it, that my daughter had clothes, that i was taken care of. She was the most selfless, loving, giving woman I've ever known in my life. She's probably rolling in her grave every day knowing how my mother and father treat her great granddaughter (more so than me) - knowing that we live hand to mouth and barely survive. If she were here our lives would be much different.

If I could evolve into one person as I continue to age I hope that I have the same giving heart and soul as my grandmother. Losing her to a massive heart attack was the single most saddest day of my life.

I can't express how upset it makes me to read the posts in this thread.

Originally posted by Nanny Fine
This post makes me sad. I miss my grandmother, who died 7 years ago this month, more than anything in the world. I would climb mountains to have her back, just for one single day. Sometimes she got on my nerves but she was my grandma and I miss her so much - just as much, if not more, today than when she died.

You should appreciate what you have while you have it. You won't know what it's like when it's gone. You'll regret feeling how you feel and saying what you've said. I guarantee it.

But you also have to think about the other family members. My grandma was becoming mentally and physically exhausted trying to take care of my great grandma. And she really did need 24 hr. health care and none of my family could do it. No one wanted to put her there, but at one point we had to make her realize it was in the best interest of everyone, including her.

Originally posted by dawsongirl
But you also have to think about the other family members. My grandma was becoming mentally and physically exhausted trying to take care of my great grandma. And she really did need 24 hr. health care and none of my family could do it. No one wanted to put her there, but at one point we had to make her realize it was in the best interest of everyone, including her.


No I understand that. I was more upset at the "I'm sick of my grandma, I hate her" type of things that were said. My other set of grandparents, one died of cancer almost 29 years ago and the other spent his last 2 years in a nursing home. I understand that.

Originally posted by Nanny Fine
This post makes me sad. I miss my grandmother, who died 7 years ago this month, more than anything in the world. I would climb mountains to have her back, just for one single day. Sometimes she got on my nerves but she was my grandma and I miss her so much - just as much, if not more, today than when she died.

You should appreciate what you have while you have it. You won't know what it's like when it's gone. You'll regret feeling how you feel and saying what you've said. I guarantee it.

Exactly! :( I live with my grandmother, and she's the best person I know in my life. She's been like a mother to me my whole life. She can be a pain sometimes, but can't we all ;)

I lost my grandfather about 8 years ago and would give anything to have him back. I don't think grandparents get the credit they deserve alot of the time.

I take care of my grandmother when she's gotten hurt, or had to have surgery, I took time off my job to take care of her, I would give my life for her if it came down to it. She has given me so much that it would take me a lifetime to repay that.

I do understand where you're coming from though, yes it can be hard, and if she's physically unable to take care of herself, then yes she should be in a nursing home, but if she can take care of herself, then no, but I can understand it from her side too, at that age, it can be lonely living by yourself, living with someone may not be the best for everyone, but if she was living alone, and got hurt wouldn't you wish someone had been staying with her, or she'd been living with someone? :(

Originally posted by Nanny Fine

I can't express how upset it makes me to read the posts in this thread.

I'm sorry if my post made you upset, but if you knew my Grandma, I doubt you would feel that way. She is totally the opposite of your grandmother and my Nana. (Who was also a kind, caring, compassionate, generous, and loving woman. She died last September and I miss her dearly.) Grandma is, and has always been, a very unpleasant person to be around. She never has a nice word for anyone. She is so incredibly selfish. She is extremely bigoted. (She hated her next-door neighbors because they are Jewish, even though they always seemed like kind, loving people to me.) She is so manipulative and stubborn.

I have TRIED in recent years to be friends with my grandmother, I really have. She is so miserable, negative, and difficult that hardly anyone wants to be around her anymore.

Originally posted by Nanny Fine
No I understand that. I was more upset at the "I'm sick of my grandma, I hate her" type of things that were said. My other set of grandparents, one died of cancer almost 29 years ago and the other spent his last 2 years in a nursing home. I understand that.

Oh, okay. Gotcha. :)

Originally posted by Sideshow Kristen
I'm sorry if my post made you upset, but if you knew my Grandma, I doubt you would feel that way. She is totally the opposite of your grandmother and my Nana. (Who was also a kind, caring, compassionate, generous, and loving woman. She died last September and I miss her dearly.) Grandma is, and has always been, a very unpleasant person to be around. She never has a nice word for anyone. She is so incredibly selfish. She is extremely bigoted. (She hated her next-door neighbors because they are Jewish, even though they always seemed like kind, loving people to me.) She is so manipulative and stubborn.

I have TRIED in recent years to be friends with my grandmother, I really have. She is so miserable, negative, and difficult that hardly anyone wants to be around her anymore.

I think my one grandma is turning into a person like that. Not racist or bigoted, just always in a bad mood.

Originally posted by dawsongirl
I think my one grandma is turning into a person like that. Not racist or bigoted, just always in a bad mood.

Id' be in a bad mood too if I thought my family, grandkids hated me. That would make me feel pretty darn foul.

shove her in a nursing home

THEY CARE, SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO







Im kidding.... tell your grandma to shut up, she gives you no respect -- give her no respect.
I bet you'll see a change.


I got lucky -- all 4 of my grandparents are awesome.
Parents on the other hand....

Grandma just had to cause tension at my birthday dinner last night by criticizing and insulting my mother :mad: Can't this woman be nice and pleasant just for once in her life? :(

Just wondering, does she look like you or not? My grandmother is one of the greatest people in my life. She helps me, is kind and caring, and unselfish. She is my second favorite person on earth, after her daughter, my mother. They act like they could be the same person. My grandmother and I look so much alike. I'm proud of it too. I look like a boy version of her.

Originally posted by BeaverFan5
Just wondering, does she look like you or not? My grandmother is one of the greatest people in my life. She helps me, is kind and caring, and unselfish. She is my second favorite person on earth, after her daughter, my mother. They act like they could be the same person. My grandmother and I look so much alike. I'm proud of it too. I look like a boy version of her.

Nope, I don't look like her at all. I take after my mom's side of the family a lot more than my dad's.

My Nana (Mom's mother) was one of the greatest people in my life too. I miss her dearly. She's the type of person I strive to take after. My grandmother (Dad's mother) is the type of person I pray I never become.

I'm so sorry to hear about her death :( . It is the same case with my grandfathers. Papa (my mom's dad) is a wonderful man and a great role model. He is smart and unselfish, and is the kind I try to take after. My dad's dad was a yelling nasty man who beat up his kids when they did wrong. He whipped with belts and also, he blew money and couldn't save up. He was a very intolerant man and I never liked him. I strive not to follow in his footsteps.

Originally posted by Sideshow Kristen
Grandma just had to cause tension at my birthday dinner last night by criticizing and insulting my mother :mad: Can't this woman be nice and pleasant just for once in her life? :(
that is incredibly rude. you should tell her off next time.

Just go to college, a far away college.

ugh. living with a single parent who likes your sibling more than you is a living hell.

Originally posted by BeaverFan5
I'm so sorry to hear about her death :( . It is the same case with my grandfathers. Papa (my mom's dad) is a wonderful man and a great role model. He is smart and unselfish, and is the kind I try to take after. My dad's dad was a yelling nasty man who beat up his kids when they did wrong. He whipped with belts and also, he blew money and couldn't save up. He was a very intolerant man and I never liked him. I strive not to follow in his footsteps.

I wish I had known my paternal grandfather. He died 14 years before I was born. Knowing my dad and grandma, I bet he would have been a nice man.

My step-grandfather, on the other hand, is a complete moron. He purposely made my grandma, once a completely independent woman (she raised 3 teenage boys all by herself) into a dependent person. A damn shame. He acts like he has no brains in his head.

I never really got to know my maternal grandpa. He worked all the time, then got sick and passed away when I was 11.

I've been taking care of my grandmother for almost a month now. She's 75 and has advanced Parkinson's. It kind of infringes on a lot of stuff I'm used to doing, but it's a labor of love. I'd rather take care of her (with a little help from other family members) than throw her into a home somewhere.

It's tough.