TJL
03-05-2004, 10:02 PM
This is a Sitcoms Online/Court TV Exclusive!
The Sitcoms Online community was all shook up with the shocking news that Senior Member TJL was found guilty today after a long and lengthy trial.
After deliberating for nine heart-wrenching minutes, the Jury found him guilty on all counts of fraud, larceny, insider trading, counterfeiting, check forgery, boot legging, kidnapping, gun running, stock swindling, shoplifting, pocket picking, influence peddling, price gouging, dirty dancing, scene stealing, music downloading, and giving people the finger when they weren’t looking.
The judge had no choice but to throw the book at TJL, who throughout the entire ordeal has always maintained his innocence, as well as the ridiculous belief that The Six Million Dollar Man could totally kick The Incredible Hulk’s ass in a fight.
Members of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards rallied outside the courthouse in support of TJL, with many still defending their embattled colleague. “If you ask me, TJL’s innocent,” Sitcoms Online Moderator Janice stated. “Sure, he’s a degenerate and a drunk with no morals or sense of decency, but since when is that a crime? I’ve voted for Presidential candidates much worse than him.” Others questioned TJL’s defensive tactics during the trial. “I really think he should have hired a lawyer instead of representing himself,” courtroom observer Miss Vicki noted. “He told me he could do a good job because he watched a bunch of ‘Ally McBeal’ episodes one night, and he thought if some skinny neurotic chick could be a lawyer, he could be one too.”
With sentencing to take place next month, TJL could face anywhere from 3 months to 4000 years in prison. At a press conference on the steps of the courthouse, a courageous TJL announced he would continue to fight for his freedom. “I am proud to announce I have just hired new legal council to help me clear my good name. Ladies and gentleman, meet my new attorney, Barry Goldtoe.” With that, TJL revealed a sock puppet on his right hand, complete with button eyes and a Brooks Brothers tie. “My client is innocent,” Mr. Goldtoe shouted in a high-pitched voice. “I might also add that he is a total badass and has supercool hair. Now if you’ll excuse him, TJL has to go make out with his girlfriend Salma Hyack.”
;)
The Sitcoms Online community was all shook up with the shocking news that Senior Member TJL was found guilty today after a long and lengthy trial.
After deliberating for nine heart-wrenching minutes, the Jury found him guilty on all counts of fraud, larceny, insider trading, counterfeiting, check forgery, boot legging, kidnapping, gun running, stock swindling, shoplifting, pocket picking, influence peddling, price gouging, dirty dancing, scene stealing, music downloading, and giving people the finger when they weren’t looking.
The judge had no choice but to throw the book at TJL, who throughout the entire ordeal has always maintained his innocence, as well as the ridiculous belief that The Six Million Dollar Man could totally kick The Incredible Hulk’s ass in a fight.
Members of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards rallied outside the courthouse in support of TJL, with many still defending their embattled colleague. “If you ask me, TJL’s innocent,” Sitcoms Online Moderator Janice stated. “Sure, he’s a degenerate and a drunk with no morals or sense of decency, but since when is that a crime? I’ve voted for Presidential candidates much worse than him.” Others questioned TJL’s defensive tactics during the trial. “I really think he should have hired a lawyer instead of representing himself,” courtroom observer Miss Vicki noted. “He told me he could do a good job because he watched a bunch of ‘Ally McBeal’ episodes one night, and he thought if some skinny neurotic chick could be a lawyer, he could be one too.”
With sentencing to take place next month, TJL could face anywhere from 3 months to 4000 years in prison. At a press conference on the steps of the courthouse, a courageous TJL announced he would continue to fight for his freedom. “I am proud to announce I have just hired new legal council to help me clear my good name. Ladies and gentleman, meet my new attorney, Barry Goldtoe.” With that, TJL revealed a sock puppet on his right hand, complete with button eyes and a Brooks Brothers tie. “My client is innocent,” Mr. Goldtoe shouted in a high-pitched voice. “I might also add that he is a total badass and has supercool hair. Now if you’ll excuse him, TJL has to go make out with his girlfriend Salma Hyack.”
;)