Raising Kids Like you were raised??? For those...

[Dean Winchester]

Originally Posted by dawsongirl

Yeah, me too. I got into my share of trouble (I got yelled at something awful once for telling my dad I hated him once when he punished me for something else...bad move on my part), and I was always getting threatened with "I'll take your *blank* away, but my parents were still my friends.

Trust me, threatening to take my TV was a huge scare.

my parents took my MTV away when I was eight but I quickly found a glitch where I could sneak and watch it, and I did that for a year or two before MTV changed channel numbers and I had it back....

for the kids of today who don't understand the importance of sneaking to watch MTV when your mom wasn't in the room... MTV used to actually not suck kids

[Janice]

My parents weren't my friends while they were raising me. They were parents who disciplined and set boundaries for us in a loving way, most of the time. I had friends. I wanted parents.

The friendship came when I became an adult. I thanked them many times for not letting me do any stupid thing I wanted to. I've read many times that kids actually want to be disciplined.

[Mijada]

Well my son is only 3 weeks old and I'm already doing things differently than my mother did with me. For example neither my mother or my grandmother believed in letting babies use pacifiers. I give my son a pacifier all the time. If it helps to comfort him and stop him from crying I think that's a good thing. My mom just believed in letting the kid cry themselves to sleep and didn't think you should have to pop something in their mouth to keep them quiet. I also use a playpen, something my mom also did but I notice a lot of parents today don't like them and just let their kid crawl all over the floor.
When my baby gets older I may do some of the same things my mom did. Like we always had to pick up our toys and keep our room clean and we weren't allowed to run all over the house. Some other stuff my mom did with us I don't agree with and won't do with my kids like hitting them all the time and forcing them to eat everything on their plate. I will also try to be a friend to my children. I think it's possible to be both friend and parent. If my kids need to ask questions about sex, drugs whatever I want to be the one to tell them about it and I will assure them that it's ok to ask those types of questions. With my parents we weren't allowed to really talk about sex and I ended up learning about it from all the wrong sources.

[Ireneparalegal]

Originally Posted by Mijada

Well my son is only 3 weeks old and I'm already doing things differently than my mother did with me. For example neither my mother or my grandmother believed in letting babies use pacifiers. I give my son a pacifier all the time. If it helps to comfort him and stop him from crying I think that's a good thing. My mom just believed in letting the kid cry themselves to sleep and didn't think you should have to pop something in their mouth to keep them quiet. I also use a playpen, something my mom also did but I notice a lot of parents today don't like them and just let their kid crawl all over the floor.
When my baby gets older I may do some of the same things my mom did. Like we always had to pick up our toys and keep our room clean and we weren't allowed to run all over the house. Some other stuff my mom did with us I don't agree with and won't do with my kids like hitting them all the time and forcing them to eat everything on their plate. I will also try to be a friend to my children. I think it's possible to be both friend and parent. If my kids need to ask questions about sex, drugs whatever I want to be the one to tell them about it and I will assure them that it's ok to ask those types of questions. With my parents we weren't allowed to really talk about sex and I ended up learning about it from all the wrong sources.

I see you think like me. My children have never said "I have a cool mom". Their friends have said that to them. They know that I may be dissappointed in choices they make, but I am their mother and I love them. They will make wrong choices or decisions and they will only learn from mistakes. No one is perfect. I am not a perfect parent. I have made alot of mistakes. I just feel that when I was growing up, I couldn't tell my parent(s) certain things. One time I asked abt body hair, pubic hair, etc. and a look was given to me with the following question "Why do you ask, do you have hair there already!?" lol "No" but it was a curiosity I had and rather than ask a friend, I had hoped to get an answer that was honest. My kids know they can come to me and ask questions abt anything and know that I won't give them a tone or attitude, give a shocked look or expression, etc. I will answer them honestly and forthright. When the time came I knew I wanted to divorce my girls' father, I approached my eldest daughter who was 14 at the time and I talked to her abt my decision. I asked her what her feelings were. She told me "Do what you need to do for yourself, don't worry abt us (meaning her and her sister) and don't stay with him because of us, leave him if you don't love him anymore." I couldn't have asked for a better response from anyone.

[dawsongirl]

Originally Posted by Mijada

I think it's possible to be both friend and parent.

I do too. That's what my parents did, and while I have my problems, I'm a pretty decent person. I think a lot of kids have no problems asking friends about whatever, and I want my kids to consider me that way, so that I know they're getting good info.

My mom grew up scared of her mother. She wouldn't bring friends home, tried to stay away from home, etc. And now, my mom basically only respects her mom for the fact that she is her mom. My aunt told my mom that my grandma was probably jealous of my mom and me, because we're best friends, and my mom basically tells grandma nothing. I don't want to end up with crap like that.

[Mijada]

Originally Posted by dawsongirl

My mom grew up scared of her mother. She wouldn't bring friends home, tried to stay away from home, etc. And now, my mom basically only respects her mom for the fact that she is her mom.

That's exactly how it is with me and my mom. We haven't even spoken in over two years and much of that has to do with unresolved issues from childhood.

[Ireneparalegal]

Originally Posted by dawsongirl

I do too. That's what my parents did, and while I have my problems, I'm a pretty decent person. I think a lot of kids have no problems asking friends about whatever, and I want my kids to consider me that way, so that I know they're getting good info.

My mom grew up scared of her mother. She wouldn't bring friends home, tried to stay away from home, etc. And now, my mom basically only respects her mom for the fact that she is her mom. My aunt told my mom that my grandma was probably jealous of my mom and me, because we're best friends, and my mom basically tells grandma nothing. I don't want to end up with crap like that.

Maybe the term "friend" is what throws people off, maybe a different term to refer a parent that a child can turn to with anything should be called AN UNDERSTANDING PARENT.
"Friend" seems to conotate to many, "school age" "buddy" "partner in crime" (my fave btw) and "not as respected as a parent"...I just know that a child should be able to turn to a parent(s) no matter what without worry abt being hated, un-loved, yelled at, screamed at, given dirty looks...I can deliver discipline w/out spankings, etc. and still have the respect I deserve as a parent from my children. What does it get anyone to have anyone be afraid of you? That should only be in the "mafia" or "gang" world, not in a family.

[Titania]

Going against the popular opinion on here, I think I'd want to be stricter with my children than how I was raised. My parents always tried to be my friend, but always kept themselves at a distance. I'd want to be accessable and make my children feel like they could talk to me about stuff- good and bad- but I'd also want to give them better discipline and clearer boundaries.
I know from experience that the friend thing gets old, school is for friends, weekends are for friends, sometimes you just need that parental figure.