Masked Bagger & Cart-Boy (issues 31-40) **includes series finale**

[Adamantium]

ISSUE #38. The Level Defenders (Part 1)

Starring:
Masked Bagger alias Adam Hauck
Cart-Boy alias Chris Ward
Retail-Red [pictured below] alias Miss Mindy Dalton
Mr. Brad Bartlett
Ben Davis
Hailie Morgan
Maitland Collins

Guest Starring:
Iko Teeko [pictured below]
Banta Bowler [pictured below]
Jarlen Mather
Agent Carney [pictured below]
Agent Jensen
Austin Slaughter

[Adamantium]

ISSUE #38. The Level Defenders (Part 1)

Originally released on December 28th, 2016

And Now The Issue…

Inside a government building, two agents are going over some devious plans.

Agent Weaver: They’re all at the Kroger Marketplace store. Their chance of survival is only 35%.

Agent Carney: That’s still too high. Make it zero percent.

Agent Weaver: I’ll do what I can, sir.

Agent Carney: Who all do we have captured?

Agent Weaver: Masked Bagger, alias Adam Hauck. Thirty-five years-old. He’s been at store 717 for four years now. He’s managed to defeat every super villain he’s faced. Cart-Boy, alias Christopher Ward. He’s seventeen years-old. He’s been at the store for over a year. Retail-Red, alias Mindy Dalton. Thirty-four years-old. She’s been out of practice for some time now, but we were able to snag her when she made a surprise reappearance, searching for her missing friends. Banta Bowler, alias Michael Forman. Thirty-five years-old. He works at the Banta Bowling Alley. He takes himself pretty seriously for a guy with half a bowling ball on his head. And finally Jarlen Mather. He’s twenty-eight years-old and works as a pizza delivery boy for Kramden’s Pizza.

Agent Carney: What about Mister Hero?

Agent Weaver: There is no trace of a Mister Hero existing. We’re still searching, but it’s very doubtful we’ll be able to find him. It’s as if he simply vanished from the face of the Earth after making his appearance at Kroger last month.

Suddenly, Iko Teeko, lord and master of all Scrominians, enters the room. He is not happy.

Iko Teeko: Is the one known as Maitland Collins in the marketplace?

Agent Weaver: No. She’s not counted as one of the heroes of this Earth level.

Iko Teeko: And why not?

Agent Weaver: I don’t know. She just isn’t.

Iko picks up Weaver by the throat and chokes him to death. He drops the body and then turns to Carney.

Iko Teeko: I want Maitland’s head on a stick.

Agent Carney: That’s disgusting, sir, but I’ll see that it gets done.

Iko Teeko: Those heroes, those… level defenders must not be allowed to ever see the outside of that marketplace. They may put a damper on my plans to destroy the planet.

Agent Carney: I understand, sir.

Iko Teeko: Enough of this “sir” business. I am *Lord* Teeko, and shall be addressed as such, unless you’d like to join your associate on the floor.

Agent Carney: No, Lord Teeko. I would not.

Agent Carney’s skin changes color from Caucasian white to Scrominian blue. For he, too, is a Scrominian.

CUT TO: Masked Bagger is inside the marketplace. It’s packed with customers. Our hero has never been inside this store before and doesn’t know his way around. He also just broke free from being locked inside a cooler.

Masked Bagger: (to himself) I have a feeling I’m not in Kansas anymore. Or maybe I *am* in Kansas. I don’t know. I have to find Cart-Boy.

Just then a gunshot is heard. Bagger drops to the floor. He looks over and sees a big guy with a gun coming towards him.

Gunman: Time to meet your maker, Bagger.

Masked Bagger: Stan Lee?

Gunman: Yeah, like you could ever be a Marvel superhero. You’re barely a hero in *this* reality!

The Guardian of 717, still on the floor, shoots out both cart straps from his sleeves, which wrap around each of the gunman’s ankles. All of this done in a fashion much like Marvel’s classic web slinger, making our hero feel that he *could* be a Marvel character. Anyways, Bagger pulls the straps towards him and the baddie falls to the floor. Our hero then punches the guy in the face, knocking him out. Bagger takes the thug's gun.

Masked Bagger: I can’t let you keep this.

A man passionate about the second amendment overhears Masked Bagger saying this to the unconscious man.

Angry Man: Are you one of those left-wing nuts who opposes the second amendment? This man has every right to have a gun!

Masked Bagger: He’s trying to shoot me!

Angry Man: It’s his right as an American!

CUT TO: Maitland walks into Agent Jensen’s office.

Agent Jensen: Maitland Collins, my other project. We’re gonna get you home one of these days.

Maitland Collins: I appreciate the help but the only person who was able to build a time machine is dead, and the only beings with the time travel knowledge are on another planet.

Agent Jensen: Well, what brings you this way?

Maitland Collins: This level’s heroes are in trouble. I have a plan to help them out, but first I need *your* help.

Agent Jensen: Of course.

Maitland Collins: Thanks. I first need to locate them and secondly I need to speak with your Scrominian department.

Agent Jensen: “Scrominian department”? I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Maitland Collins: Of course, you do. Hashtag stop the cover up!

Agent Jensen: Okay, I guess there’s no need to hide the truth from you. Especially since you came from planet Scrom in the future, so you know all about the place. Which is one of the many things I learned from working with Bernie Boswell on a daily basis.

Maitland Collins: Where is he? I’d like to say hi.

Agent Jensen: Oh, he went on a vacation… for my sanity’s sake. That guy is an idiot savant, minus the savant. Anyways, I’ll take you to the Scrominian department now.

CUT TO: Mr. Bartlett’s office. The corporate manager is there along with Ben Davis.

Ben Davis: Why’d you call me in here this morning, Mr. Bartlett?

Mr. Bartlett: We have a problem.

Ben Davis: Where’s Miss Dalton?

Mr. Bartlett: She’s gone.

Ben Davis: Dead?!!

Mr. Bartlett: I don’t know. I doubt it. But that’s not why I called you in here. There’s something we need to discuss.

Ben Davis: What’s more important than Miss Dalton’s whereabouts? I mean, shouldn’t you summon Masked Bagger?

Mr. Bartlett: Summon him? Am I the Commissioner Gordon of Kroger? No. I’m just a guy. A guy with a Facebook page. Not that you care. I sent you a friend request last week, and come to find out this morning that you still didn’t accept it.

Ben Davis: Wait… THAT’S why you called me in here?!

Mr. Bartlett: Yes. We need to talk this out. I don’t understand. We seem to be friends in real life. So, why not on Facebook as well?

Ben Davis: Let’s find Miss Dalton first and then we can think about discussing this whole Facebook thing. If you don’t summon Masked Bagger, I will.

Mr. Bartlett: There’s no point. He’s not here either. Nor is Cart-Boy. They’ve been kidnapped and taken out of the store - out of their element. Oh, and on an unrelated note, Adam Hauck and Chris Ward are both out sick today and thus not here.

CUT TO: Masked Bagger is still walking around the marketplace in search of Cart-Boy. Suddenly, he sees Retail-Red being attacked by five guys. Her scan gun is on the floor. Bagger sneaks over and grabs it. He then shoots one of the guys in the chest. They all give their attention to the 717 Guardian.

Masked Bagger: I have ALWAYS wanted to use this baby!

Retail-Red: Can I have that back?

Masked Bagger: Sure.

He tosses it to her. She catches it and spins around, shooting off the laser beams, each making contact with a different goon. They all run away in pain and fear that she’ll shoot them again. Red turns around and faces Bagger.

Masked Bagger: Retail-Red, it’s great to see you again!

Retail-Red: Adam, you just saw me yesterday.

Masked Bagger: Uh, I saw Mindy Dalton yesterday. I haven’t seen Retail-Red in over a year. And oh how I’ve missed that skintight outfit.

Retail-Red: Yes, and how glad I am that *you* don’t wear a skintight outfit.

Masked Bagger: You’re a lot meaner than the last time we chatted. But then again, it seems most things have gotten more cynical since Tincher died. So, what the hell is going on here?

Retail-Red: I don’t know. When you and Cart-Boy were kidnapped, I put on the guise of Retail-Red to rescue you. I fought some goons back at 717, but lost. Then I found myself here. It seems to be a Kroger Marketplace.

Masked Bagger: We need to get Cart-Boy and get out of here. I have a strange feeling about all this.

Retail-Red: I have a feeling certain people will see to it that we don’t make it out of here alive.

CUT TO: Iko Teeko is standing in front of an army of Scrominians, all ready to attack the marketplace.

Iko Teeko: Listen up. Masked Bagger and the other heroes are good at what they do. That is why the first crop will be departing soon. You will be the backup. And yes, I have a team at the ready for when you perish in battle. For as soon as the heroes die, I can begin to destroy the Earth, which has been a lifelong dream of mine. And you, as my followers, will help me out in any way that you can.

CUT TO: Bagger and Red are exploring the store when they come upon the Banta Bowler.

Masked Bagger: Banta Bowler! You’re here, too?

Banta Bowler: Yes, but why? What’s going on here?

Masked Bagger: That’s a question I can’t answer just yet. I have another question. Why would they collect a bunch of heroes and place them in the same building? They’re just gonna have to fight all of us. And with us being united, they’ll have a tougher chance of winning.

Retail-Red: Maybe something’s going to happen to the building itself that will kill all of us at once.

Banta Bowler: Wow, you’re kind of gloomy. I like it. I’m Banta Bowler.

Retail-Red: I’m Retail-Red. I occasionally fight alongside Masked Bagger.

Masked Bagger: Listen, whatever the situation, we have to remain united. Now let’s find Cart-Boy and anyone else who might be here.

CUT TO: Maitland enters the marketplace. She stops a customer.

Maitland Collins: Excuse me, sir. Have you seen a chubby guy wearing a black mask over his eyes?

Customer: No.

Maitland Collins: What about a teenage boy walking around with a helmet and a safety vest?

Customer: Sorry, no. I don’t tend to notice my surroundings.

Maitland Collins: Then I don’t suppose you’ve seen a sexy woman in a skintight red outfit?

Customer: Yes. She went that way (pointing in some direction).

Maitland Collins: Thanks!

CUT TO: A few hours have passed. Our trio of heroes are tired from fighting and running. They grab some donuts, chips and drinks and find a nice cozy location, away from it all.

Masked Bagger: After we refuel, we’ll get back to the search.

CUT TO: Mr. Bartlett approaches Hailie Morgan in the non-foods section.

Mr. Bartlett: Hailie, I need to ask you something.

Hailie Morgan: What you need be ask me?

Mr. Bartlett: You consider me a friend, right?

Hailie Morgan: Sure. Otherwise you fire my ass.

Mr. Bartlett: What? I wouldn’t fire you if you don’t consider me a friend. I’m insulted that you’d think that.

Hailie Morgan: Well in that case… we not friends. You my boss and I don’t dislike you, but that’s it.

Mr. Bartlett: Wait a second. You and I are Facebook friends.

Hailie Morgan: That be Facebook. That got nothing to do with real life. Every Schmo knows that.

Mr. Bartlett: Really? I’m not a “Schmo” so I wouldn’t know.

Hailie Morgan: Why you askin’ me this?

Mr. Bartlett: Ben won’t be my friend on Facebook.

Hailie Morgan: So?

Mr. Bartlett: So, it bothers me.

Hailie Morgan: Get a life.

Mr. Bartlett: I’d love to, but how can I when nobody will be my friend?!

CUT TO: Masked Bagger, Retail-Red and Banta Bowler are still relaxing, sitting down at a location away from people. The 717 Guardian looks over at Banta Bowler, who’s sitting there with a giant smile on his face.

Masked Bagger: What the heck are you doing?

Banta Bowler: I’m fighting off depression by smiling. It tricks the brain into thinking I’m happy.

Masked Bagger: Well you’re creeping me out.

Banta Bowler: I can’t help it. I’m a dark figure.

Masked Bagger: Just because you dress all in black, doesn’t make you Batman.

Banta Bowler: I’m better than Batman. I have super powers. Batman doesn’t.

Masked Bagger: Your powers are that your body creates bowling balls for you to roll at your opponent. All it really means is you never have to buy your own bowling ball again.

Banta Bowler: (happily) Hey, yeah. I hadn’t thought of that.

Retail-Red: Listen guys, I think we should get back out there and find Cart-Boy. Although I’m kind of surprised he hasn’t found us already.

The trio get going. About five minutes into their search, they find a bloodied body on the floor.

Banta Bowler: Who did this?

A Voice Behind Them: I did.

They turn around to see Cart-Boy standing there with his weapon in hand… his handle bar.

Masked Bagger: Cart-Boy! It’s great to see you again! But what did this guy do to you?

Cart-Boy: He called me Cart-Boy.

Masked Bagger: But that’s your name.

Cart-Boy: I know and I hate it.

Masked Bagger: But still.

Cart-Boy: Relax. He’s a thug. Who’s the red chick?

Retail-Red: Your boss, Miss Dalton.

Cart-Boy: I like. So, what’s going on here?

Masked Bagger: None of us know. For some reason, heroes from this level have been rounded up and brought to this store.

Cart-Boy: I say we get out of here… by any means necessary.

Banta Bowler: I’m with the kid. Let’s go!

Masked Bagger, Cart-Boy, Banta Bowler and Retail-Red take off. They run through the frozen foods aisle. When they reach the end, three Scrominians are there to greet them. The heroes stop. Of course, they don’t know they’re Scrominians, as that alien race can disguise themselves to look human. All the quartet know is that these guys are trying to keep them from their freedom.

Masked Bagger: You’re really going to have to move out of our way or we can’t get out of here.

Scrominian #1: That’s the point.

Cart-Boy: What a dick!

The teen titan then takes the handle bar from his back holster and, like a mad man, goes to town beating the Scrominians with it. He’s doing some damage, but not truly defeating them. One grabs the handle bar and hurls it over to another area. Banta Bowler runs back down the aisle. The Scrominians begin to laugh.

Scrominian #2: Look at the coward run away!

Of course Banta Bowler wasn’t being a coward. He was getting in line to take down the baddies. A bowling ball is created from his hand and he gets his stance together, and then rolls the ball down the aisle. It knocks all three of them down.

Banta Bowler: I’ve cleared a path.

The heroes leave the aisle and continue their quest. Cart-Boy grabs the handle bar off the floor and returns it to its holster. He then sees something disturbing.

Cart-Boy: (to Masked Bagger) Wait, isn’t that that pizza guy with the weird first name?

Masked Bagger: Yeah! He must have been brought here too.

They look over and see Jarlen Mather with a noose around his neck and a few Scrominians surrounding him. The rope is laying across a bar, up by the ceiling, and one of the baddies is about to pull down, strangling the deliverer of pizza.

Banta Bowler: Who’s this?

Masked Bagger: He’s a pizza delivery guy.

Banta Bowler: And that makes him a hero?

Masked Bagger: (offended) Yes!

They all race over to Jarlen’s defense. Retail-Red takes out her scan-gun and shoots off a laser beam at one of the guys. Two others attack her and take the gun from her. The one holding it begins to shoot lasers at Red. She dodges, then spins around and kicks it out of the goon’s hand. Unfortunately, it lands on the floor and breaks.

Retail-Red: My gun!

Masked Bagger: Yeah, now you know how I feel about my bag-gun. My bag-gun!

The great protector of 717 takes out his bag-gun and captures the remaining three bad guys with it. Banta then unties Jarlen.

Jarlen Mather: Thanks. That was a close one.

Masked Bagger: We meet again, huh?

Jarlen Mather: Yeah, but this time without a pizza in the end.

Cart-Boy: Call me a psychic, but I know what you’re going to ask next.

Jarlen Mather: What am I going to ask next?

Cart-Boy: “What’s going on here?”

Jarlen Mather: That *is* what I was going to ask.

Masked Bagger: I’ll give you the simple answer… we don’t know.

Jarlen Mather: Okay. What’s say we walk out the front door and be on our merry way?

Banta Bowler: I’m for that... except for the “merry way” part.

Retail-Red: We can attempt it, but I’m 99% sure we won’t be able to.

Jarlen Mather: Oh, sure we can. The doors are automatic. They open for you.

They all head for the front end, which first they have to find, as none of them have ever been inside this store before. Once they get to the door, they stop.

Masked Bagger: I’ll go first. Just wait here.

Our precious hero slowly walks out the door. Just as he sets foot outside, a Scrominian with a gun shoots him in the chest. Bagger runs back inside.

Masked Bagger: Bulletproof jacket, but DAMN that hurt!

Retail-Red: Just as I thought. They won’t let us out.

CUT TO: Maitland walks over to the dairy department in hopes of finding the Bagger and friends. She thought about using the intercom, but figured that would bring too much attention to the heroes and didn’t want all the Scrominians to be after them. Agent Carney spots her and approaches her, pretending to be a dairy clerk.

Agent Carney: Hello. Can I help you find anything today?

Maitland Collins: No, thanks.

Agent Carney: I see you wear the clothes of a Kroger employee. Are you a bagger doing a price check?

Maitland Collins: No. I actually don’t even work at this Kroger. I’m just, uh, shopping.

Agent Carney: Well, if you need anything, please let me know.

Maitland Collins: I will.

Agent Carney: I mean it. Anything. For example, a chance to survive.

The agent quickly puts Maitland in handcuffs and then places a bomb down the back of her tucked-in shirt, where it just sits. Carney takes off while Maitland panics. And in traditional panic mode, Maitland begins to quietly sing her song.

Maitland Collins: ♪ I’ll reach out my hand for you… I’ll have faith in all you do… Just call my name and I’ll be there… ♪

(I'll Be There by The Jackson Five https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xg2vMrDzoXM)

Unable to use her hands to remove the bomb, Maitland is frozen in fear, but continues singing.

Maitland Collins: (whispering) ♪ Just look over your shoulders, honey. ♪

Mysterious voice: Miss, do you need help?

Maitland looks over her shoulder to see her father standing there. Of course, he doesn’t know she’s his daughter, since in the present day, Maitland is not quite two years-old yet.

Maitland Collins: Yes, um, could you un-tuck my shirt in the back and grab the, uh, toy bomb. But be very careful with it.

Austin Slaughter: Sure thing.

He does as instructed.

Austin Slaughter: Now what?

Maitland Collins: Take it to the back and throw it in the giant walk-in freezer and be sure to close the door before running like hell.

Austin Slaughter: Okay. That’s a bit much for a toy bomb, but whatever you say.

Again he does as instructed. When he returns to the handcuffed Maitland, he hears an explosion.

Austin Slaughter: THAT was no toy!

Maitland Collins: I know. I didn’t want to frighten you. Think you can get me out of these handcuffs?

CUT TO: Ben walks into Bartlett’s office.

Ben Davis: What’s going on here?

Mr. Bartlett: What do you mean?

Ben Davis: I went to look at your page on Facebook and I can’t. You blocked me. What gives?

Mr. Bartlett: Listen, Ben, get over it. Okay? It’s just Facebook. Who cares? Am I right?

Ben Davis: But you were so obsessed with my not adding you as a friend, that I started to feel guilty and was planning to send you a friend request. But, whatever.

Mr. Bartlett: I can unblock you!

CUT TO: Maitland finally catches up with the others. Our hero spots her.

Masked Bagger: Maitland!

Maitland Collins: Thank God you guys are still alive!

Retail-Red: I assume you know what’s going on.

Maitland Collins: The Scrominians are planning to attack Earth, but they need to get you guys out of the way first.

Jarlen Mather: What are Scrominians?

Maitland Collins: They’re an alien race from the planet Scrom. They’re headed by the evil Iko Teeko. At least they are when I came from. But this is twenty years prior to his reign.

Suddenly, Iko Teeko appears before the group of heroes.

Iko Teeko: Well hello there, Level Defenders.

They all look at one another, totally approving of that name.

Iko Teeko: You have come to the end of the line in your pathetic lives.

Masked Bagger: Uh, I have an entire room in my house dedicated to my TV on DVD collection. That’s hardly pathetic!

Iko Teeko: You’re right. That’s full-on pathetic.

Masked Bagger: (quietly) Well I guess he put me in *my* place.

Maitland Collins: (to Teeko) What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be twenty years from now?

Iko Teeko: Foolish child. I was also banished to the past, mere months after I sent you back. Which, by the way, I thought you were sent a lot further back in time.

Maitland Collins: I had a little help securing my arrival to this particular time period.

Iko Teeko: Well, thank you. That allowed me to come to this year instead of the dawn of time, which, really, how could I rule anything back then? So, this is preferable. Plus I have an army here, waiting for my command to attack.

Banta Bowler: If you were banished to the past, how do you have an army here?

Iko Teeko: I’ve gathered Scrominians from this time and have been very persuasive. I gained power once. I know how to do it.

Maitland Collins: What does it matter? You clearly don’t succeed. Don’t forget I’m also from 2036. I know that you guys don’t make yourselves known for another ten years.

Iko Teeko: No, my dear. I’ve filled your feeble mind with some false facts to prevent you from knowing certain things that I don’t want you to know.

One of the truths he’s kept hidden from Maitland’s memory is the death of her father, Austin, which takes place in a little over a year. That way, she won’t try and rescue him.

Masked Bagger: What *exactly* is the extent of Scrominian’s powers?

Iko Teeko: Wouldn’t you like to know?

Masked Bagger: Hence, I asked.

Iko Teeko: Let’s leave some things a mystery.

Masked Bagger: Well, why do you want to destroy Earth? The hell did we ever do to you guys?

Iko Teeko: You Earthlings act so superior to all other beings in the galaxy. It irks me. So, I must prove you wrong by killing each and every smug Earthling.

Jarlen Mather: We’re not smug.

Iko Teeko: The humans who know of our existence only use us as servants. Even though we prove our superiority over you all the time, you continue to treat us with disrespect. Therefore you must die.

Banta Bowler: Can’t argue with that.

Just then, the bowling alley hero hurls a ball at the dark lord, but it goes right through him. Teeko laughs.

Iko Teeko: You don’t think I’m actually there with you right now, do you? Silly, stupid human. This is just a projection of me. My actual whereabouts are none of your concern.

Iko Teeko vanishes. Seconds later, explosions start going off throughout the store. The customers panic and leave as fast as they can.

Maitland Collins: Follow me!

The Level Defenders run through the store, headed for the back dock. The explosions are going off around them, but the group of heroes are determined to make it. Once they arrive on the dock, they beat up a couple of Scrominian guards and get inside a van, as instructed by Maitland.

Jarlen Mather: That blue guy really wants us dead!

Cart-Boy: (sarcastically) You think?

Maitland Collins: We’re safe inside this van. I got it from the Scrominian department inside a government building.

The explosions going off in the background reminds Masked Bagger of an awful day back in September of ‘15.

Masked Bagger: At least we’re all safe and none of us are getting left behind… this time.

Maitland Collins: Iko Teeko’s on Scrom. I know it.

Masked Bagger: So, now what?

Maitland Collins: We can end this.

Banta Bowler: How?

Maitland Collins: By going to the planet Scrom and defeating Iko Teeko.

Banta Bowler: Is this going to be a suicide mission?

Maitland Collins: Not if we’re really good at what we do.

Jarlen Mather: Boy, is that Bowler a downer or what? Do you *want* this to be a suicide mission?

Banta Bowler: Of course not. Just know that even if it is… I’m in.

Maitland Collins: This van will be taking us to Scrom.

Cart-Boy: So, you knew we’d be going there?

Maitland Collins: I knew *I* would be going there. I’ve figured out a way to return to the future but I can only do that from there.

Masked Bagger: Let’s go to Scrom.

Just then, the marketplace explodes completely, with many of the Scrominian guards still inside. This doesn’t affect the Level Defenders, who are pumped for their mission. Jarlen cranks up the radio and the song “25 or 6 to 4” by Chicago begins to play as the band of heroes take off on their adventure.

(25 or 6 to 4 by Chicago https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUAYeN3Rp2E)

TO BE CONTINUED…

[Adamantium]

ISSUE #39. The Level Defenders (Part 2)

Starring:
Masked Bagger alias Adam Hauck
Cart-Boy alias Chris Ward
Retail-Red alias Miss Mindy Dalton
Mr. Brad Bartlett
Ben Davis
Hailie Morgan
Maitland Collins

Guest Starring:
Iko Teeko
McPhetridge [pictured below]
Banta Bowler
Jarlen Mather
Katie Collins
Agent Carney
Kronenberger [pictured below]
Cheesebrew [pictured below]
Thomas Bowshier [pictured below]

[Adamantium]

ISSUE #39. The Level Defenders (Part 2)

Originally released on January 14th, 2017

We Now Conclude This Two-Part Story…

The crew of the Scrom-bound van continue their travels. While it’s only felt like a few hours, it’s actually been a few weeks since the gang left for Iko Teeko’s home planet. While waiting to finally arrive, they each discuss their first time having sex.

Jarlen Mather: And that was my first time.

Retail-Red: That was so romantic, Jarlen.

Jarlen Mather: Thank you.

Cart-Boy: I can’t believe you waited for marriage. I mean, who does that?

Jarlen Mather: People with morals.

Cart-Boy: Whatever.

Masked Bagger: Well, I guess it’s my turn now. So for my first time… we’re beginning to have the act, when she starts letting out moans of ecstasy, only I think she’s in pain. So every time she moans, I ask her “Are you okay?” She says yes. But then she lets out more moans. She was quite loud about it. So again, I stopped and asked her if she was in pain. She’d shout out “Yes! Yes! Yes!” I responded “Wait, you *are* in pain?” She finally told me to shut up, but by that point, it was over.

Banta Bowler: That’s pretty embarrassing. How old were you?

Masked Bagger: Thirty-four. This was only a couple months ago.

Maitland Collins: Gang, we’re in Scrom.

The van finds a parking place and the crew get out. Scrom resembles Earth, with a few differences. The sky is gray. The grass is purple. With the exception of Lord Teeko, Scrominians walk around nude. Men are blue and women are pink. They are able to change their skin color to that of Earthling’s color when they arrive on Earth but while on their home planet, they remain their natural color. They also have a very limited hairline. Both men and women are basically bald, with maybe just a little amount of hair on their head. Also worthy of note, the men don’t have nipples because… why should they?

Banta Bowler: I think we’re gonna stick out like a group of sore thumbs.

Masked Bagger: Yeah, and Maitland, you’re a wanted woman.

Maitland Collins: I’m only wanted in 2036. This is still 2017.

Masked Bagger: 2017? When we left it was the last week of 2016!

Maitland Collins: It takes time to go from one planet to another. Especially a hard-to-find one like Scrom.

Masked Bagger: Well Happy New Year, everybody!

Just then, a bus drives by with a giant picture of Maitland on the side, stating that she’s wanted.

Maitland Collins: What? I think maybe I should hang out in the van until the mission is through.

Retail-Red: But this is YOUR mission! Iko Teeko is basically your own personal enemy. We’re *your* team.

Maitland Collins: And *as* my team, you can carry out my orders while I stay in the van and command. Now everybody get back in here. I’ll drive you to the government building where I hired someone on Earth to come here and build us some vehicles for war.

The van makes its way to the building. Once there, the Level Defenders, minus Maitland, enter the facilities.

Masked Bagger: I can’t wait to see what kind of vehicle I get. Will it be in the shape of a Kroger bag?

Cart-Boy: Maybe it will look just like the Bagger-Mobile.

Masked Bagger: Oh yeah. What am I getting so excited about? I already have my own vehicle.

Retail-Red: I’m pretty sure this will be something else entirely, Bagger. I mean, the Scrominians are really good at what they do.

Banta Bowler: That’s exactly why we need to stay on our toes. I don’t trust these blue and pink freaks.

Jarlen Mather: (sarcastically) That’s good, Banta. Insult these guys in their home base. It’s not like anything bad can happen to us.

Retail-Red: That’s true. Scrominians aren’t too fond of the human race. So, let’s be as friendly as possible.

Masked Bagger: And THEN kill everyone!

Retail-Red: What?!?

Masked Bagger: I was exaggerating, but we’re here for war. I don’t mean kill civilians. But we’re fighting more than just Iko Teeko himself.

Banta Bowler: Things are gonna get savage.

CUT TO: Back at 717, Mr. Bartlett is in his office with Ben Davis, Hailie Morgan, Katie Collins and Thomas Bowshier.

Mr. Bartlett: Okay, we have the makings of a great team. It may get savage out there, but I believe we can do this!

Katie Collins: Dodge ball? I haven’t played that since middle school.

Ben Davis: Yeah. I like dodge ball as much as the next guy, but aren’t there more important things we should be doing?

Mr. Bartlett: This is a company wide game. We have to play in it. Besides, it’ll get our minds off the fact that Miss Dalton, Masked Bagger, Cart-Boy and Maitland have left us.

Hailie Morgan: Just temporarily. They be back.

Mr. Bartlett: Hey, impressive, Hailie. “Temporarily” is a big word for your usual Ghetto-Tarzan way of speaking.

Hailie Morgan: Keep it up. I be tanking the game!

Mr. Bartlett: Don’t even joke about that.

Thomas Bowshier: Excuse me, but is this the whole team?

Mr. Bartlett: No. Of course not. Cassie Beaumont will also be joining us. Just as soon as she gets here.

The phone rings. Bartlett answers it.

Mr. Bartlett: This is Mr. Bartlett speaking. (pauses) Okay. Thanks for letting me know. Buh-bye.

He hangs up and then looks at his dodge ball crew.

Mr. Bartlett: Yep, this is it.

Thomas Bowshier: What?

Mr. Bartlett: That was Cassie on the phone. She just quit.

Katie Collins: What about all the other employees?

Mr. Bartlett: Who?

Katie Collins: The people out there running the store while we’re all in here talking.

Mr. Bartlett: Oh, right… THEM!

CUT TO: The government base on Scrom. The Level Defenders are standing by after just having met the Scrominian scientist named McPhetridge, hired by Maitland on Earth.

McPhetridge: Okay, so here are your vehicles.

Bagger looks at Retail-Red.

Masked Bagger: (quietly) Red, you’re redder than usual. Are you okay?

Retail-Red: I’m blushing. This guy’s naked… and very, uh, well-sized.

McPhetridge notices what’s happening and stops talking. He focuses his attentions on Retail-Red.

McPhetridge: Well hello there, cutie. I can’t help but notice your eyes are on my manhood rather than on your vehicles.

Retail-Red: I’m sorry. This is so embarrassing.

McPhetridge: Don’t feel bad, sweetie. I understand. It is quite magnificent. And so are you. If only I believed in Scrominian / human relations, I’d evacuate this building - except for the two of us - and I’d have my way with you right now.

Retail-Red: (blushing) You’re a sweet talker, you.

Banta Bowler: (annoyed) Can we get back to the matter at hand?

McPhetridge: Of course. Here are your vehicles. Take them. Use them. Don’t be afraid to crash them. They’re insured.

CUT TO: Iko Teeko’s lair. Agent Carney enters.

Iko Teeko: Carney, what are you doing in the Earthling clothes and that wig. This isn’t Earth!

Agent Carney: I know, Lord Teeko. I was just stopping by here on my way home. But first I felt it was important to tell you that those Level Defenders have been spotted on our planet.

Iko Teeko: (enraged) What? They have come to MY home planet? How did they leave the marketplace alive?

Agent Carney: Maitland Collins smuggled them out of the back, just before the place blew up.

Iko Teeko: Why was no one posted in the back?

Agent Carney: A few guards *were* back there. Collins’ crew just defeated them. Then they got inside a van and transported here. Are you afraid?

Iko Teeko: That is the most idiotic question I’ve ever been asked. Of course, I am not afraid. I’m furious! Get Collins and bring her to me.

Agent Carney: That might be hard. She is the only one from that group who’s not been spotted.

Iko Teeko: She’s here. I know she is.

CUT TO: Masked Bagger returns to the van where Maitland is hiding out.

Masked Bagger: So, I have this aircraft. It’s pretty cool.

Maitland Collins: That’s awesome.

Masked Bagger: Watcha doing?

Maitland Collins: I’m working on figuring out how to get back home.

Masked Bagger: So, I’ve been meaning to ask, how does Scrom have time travel anyway?

Maitland Collins: It started when a man by the name of Chuck Hardy traveled to 2034. He explained that he usually only stayed within the parameters of Kroger on Earth, but his suit of time travel armor had malfunctioned.

Masked Bagger: Chuck Hardy! That’s the Time-Clock!

Maitland Collins: He was imprisoned, while McPhetridge and Iko Teeko, used the suit to perfect time travel.

Masked Bagger: Wait, so McPhetridge is bad?

Maitland Collins: No. He was Teeko’s underling because he was scared of him and figured he’d keep his friends close but his enemies closer. Trust me, McPhetridge is a good guy.

Masked Bagger: Well, what happened to Hardy?

Maitland Collins: Instead of releasing him, Teeko had him killed.

Masked Bagger: Well, good riddance. He was a terrible man. What happened to the suit of armor?

Maitland Collins: Doing research while visiting Agent Jensen and the Scrominian department, I discovered that it was brought back to this year by McPhetridge himself. So it’s somewhere on the planet.

Suddenly, Cart-Boy’s image appears on the monitor in the van.

Maitland Collins: What is it, Carts?

Cart-Boy: I should let you know that I was just watching some television to see what kind of shows they have here, and a special bulletin appeared. There’s a reward for your capture. People are hunting you, Maitland.

Maitland Collins: Hashtag crap on a stick!

Masked Bagger: What are you going to do?

Maitland Collins: I need you to go back to the base and grab some pink body paint, purple hair dye, a bald cap and some scissors. Then bring them back here to me.

Masked Bagger: That’s an odd request, but I’m on it.

CUT TO: The crew are all inside their vehicles, ready for take off to give a surprise attack to their enemies. But first they need Masked Bagger to return from his task.

Banta Bowler: I have to admit, this is a pretty sweet ride.

He speaks into a five-way walkie-talkie.

Banta Bowler: Jarlen, how’s your Pizza-Mobile?

Jarlen Mather: It’s pizza-riffic! With this baby, I’m sure we can bring back the 30 minutes or less gimmick!

Jarlen speaks to Cart-Boy.

Jarlen Mather: Carts, how’s your… cart?

Cart-Boy: It’ll do just fine. I guess it’s my turn. Red, how’s your, uh, Retail-Red jet?

Retail-Red: It’s awfully red.

Banta Bowler: Come on, Scrominians. Make my day.

Masked Bagger arrives and gets in his aircraft, which is currently grounded.

Masked Bagger: Come on, Scrominians. Make my day.

Banta Bowler: I literally just said the same thing.

Masked Bagger: Oh, you did?

Cart-Boy: I think we should all take a moment to sing Maitland’s favorite song, “I’ll Be There,” before going into battle. I, of course, say this sarcastically to make fun of her.

Suddenly, twenty Scrominians, each in their own war vehicles, come towards our precious heroes.

Banta Bowler: So much for a surprise attack!

Masked Bagger: I don’t know. I was pretty surprised alright.

The battle begins.

CUT TO: The Kroger 717 staff are in a gymnasium. Their own battle is about to begin.

Mr. Bartlett: Okay, this is it. Let’s all have fun, but remember that this is the most important thing going on in the universe right now.

CUT TO: Back on Scrom, Maitland is now is the guise of a Scrominian, which means she’s naked with pink body paint and the bald cap with a couple cuts, letting some dyed purple hair stick out. She heads back to McPhetridge’s.

Maitland Collins: McPhetridge!

McPhetridge: Who are you, and can you have my babies?

Maitland Collins: It’s me, Maitland!

McPhetridge: Oh, gross. Never mind about the babies. I only do other Scrominians.

Maitland Collins: I know. I need your help. You’re a smart guy. How do we get rid of Iko Teeko? His army is attacking my team right now. Also, I need help with my time machine. I need to get back to 2036.

McPhetridge: I have the answer to both dilemmas.

Maitland Collins: What’s that?

McPhetridge: You go to Iko Teeko’s lair. He won’t recognize you, so it’ll be fairly easy to slip in, pretending to be a servant of his. The time traveling suit of armor is in one of his rooms. Find it. Put it on. Set it for some crazy time period, like the dawn of time. Grab a hold of him and then transport yourself. Once you arrive, ditch him, and go back to 2036. It’s really quite simple.

Maitland Collins: The armor works?

McPhetridge: Of course.

Maitland Collins: Then why doesn’t he use it to get back home?

McPhetridge: Word is he likes it here. After all, the people of his time turned on him, banishing him to the past.

Maitland Collins: Then I’m going for it. But before I go to 2036, I’ll come back here and help my team.

McPhetridge: Whatever.

Maitland leaves. McPhetridge gets on his phone.

McPhetridge: Lord Teeko. Calling Lord Teeko.

Teeko appears on a screen.

Iko Teeko: Yes, what is it… son?

McPhetridge: Maitland Collins is headed for your lair. She’s disguised as a Scrominian. She wants your time machine.

Iko Teeko: Thank you for informing me. I will finally be rid of her and then I can tend to my little project of destroying Earth.

CUT TO: The war zone. Banta’s bowling ball car is rolling over his enemies, crushing them to death. Jarlen drives his pizza-mobile around and spots a Scrominian in a flying machine, headed for him. He presses a button and the top of his car opens up and a big metal pizza shoots out, hitting the aircraft, causing it to crash. Cart-Boy is driving around in his cart-mobile, and after a while, gets distracted and crashes into a tree.

He gets out and grabs his handle bar to fight Scrominians one on one in physical combat. Retail-Red and Masked Bagger have taken to the skies: Red, shooting out lasers at the oncoming enemies and Bagger, releasing a bag, which captures one of the Scrominian-filled planes. This leads to its demise as it then crashes to the ground. Just when he starts feeling good about himself, a laser strikes the Bagger-Pod and the 717 Guardian hurtles to the ground himself.

CUT TO: The dodge ball game back on Earth. The 717 team is doing quite well (surprisingly). At one point, Ben goes to catch the ball, but it slips through his hands, causing him to get out. Bartlett is furious.

Mr. Bartlett: Come on, Butterfingers Ben! You’re supposed to catch the ball… like this!

The corporate boss turns to catch an incoming ball, but misses it altogether as it hits his shin. He’s out.

Ben Davis: Oh, like THAT, you say?

Thomas Bowshier: Quit your squabbling. You’re both out. We’ll keep this team afloat, although Katie doesn’t seem to be into it, seeing as she’s hiding out in the corner.

Katie Collins: All part of my strategy!

CUT TO: An unconscious Masked Bagger is laying down on a couch inside the basement lab of a Kroger store on Scrom. Kronenberger walks up to him as our brave hero wakes up.

Kronenberger: Rise and shine.

Masked Bagger: Where am I?

Kronenberger: Relax. You’re safe.

Masked Bagger: Who are you?

Kronenberger: My name is Kronenberger. I am the manager of this Krogers, but I’m also a scientist. Some even call me “Professor.” I’ve had a lot of tragedies in my life, among them my wife being murdered and my son gone missing, but after years of depression, I’ve since found love again in my new bride, Cheesebrew.

Masked Bagger: Why does that sound familiar?

Kronenberger: Anyway, I found your aircraft just outside the store. So, I brought you inside. My wife will help nurse you back to health.

Masked Bagger: Isn’t that a little sexist?

Kronenberger: Why? She’s a nurse.

Masked Bagger: Oh, sorry. I just thought that because she’s a woman, she would do the nursing.

Kronenberger: Then doesn’t that make *you* the sexist?

Masked Bagger: No. I meant that that’s what YOU were saying. Never mind. So, there’s a Kroger on Scrom?

Kronenberger: Of course, there is.

Masked Bagger: I come from a Kroger on Earth. But mine is plagued by a devil.

Kronenberger: So was mine.

Masked Bagger: What do you mean “was?”

Kronenberger: It isn’t any longer. I killed him.

Masked Bagger: How?

Kronenberger: I have this special axe. It was blessed by Kroger’s Heavenly Father.

Masked Bagger: Who’s that?

Kronenberger: Why Barney Kroger, of course.

Masked Bagger: Can I have it?

Kronenberger: Sure. I’ll get it. Just lay there.

Kronenberger walks over to get the axe, while Cheesebrew comes over to comfort their patient.

Cheesebrew: Hello there. I’m Cheesebrew, Kronenberger’s wife. And yes, our couples’ name is Cheeseberger.

Kronenberger returns with the axe. He hands it to the 717 Guardian.

Kronenberger: Here you go. That’ll take care of that pesky devil problem you have.

Masked Bagger: Thank you. This is… just… thank you.

Kronenberger: You’re welcome. Now I understand humans wear clothes, but what’s with the mask?

Masked Bagger: It’s to keep my true identity a secret. I’m a superhero at my Kroger. The devil turns people evil and I fight them to protect others.

Kronenberger: Yes, I once had a hero in the store before we defeated our devil.

Masked Bagger: What happened to the hero?

Kronenberger: He went back home. His job was finished.

Masked Bagger: I wish I could go back home. I mean, I visit it every now and then, but I would love to go back to my Earth level to stay. Being a superhero has been the best, but I’m also a lazy guy and would love to just go back to having my simple life where the toughest foe I have to battle is a rude customer.

Kronenberger: Now that you have the weapon to destroy the devil, I’d say you can start making plans to go home permanently.

CUT TO: Back at the dodge ball game, the entire 717 team is out except for Katie. Her strategy of staying in the corner worked. Only problem is, she’s now the only player and she’s up against six on the opposing team. A ball whizzes past her head, just barely missing her.

Katie Collins: Imma need you to play nice!

Suddenly, all the balls are thrown at her and each of them hit her. She goes down as Bartlett screams…

Mr. Bartlett: Oh the humanity!

CUT TO: On the battlefield, all of the Level Defender’s vehicles have malfunctioned. Turns out, McPhetridge really *is* a bad guy, and built the machines knowing they were no good. This doesn’t stop our band of heroes. They get out and start fighting the bad guys personally.

Banta Bowler: Come on you Scrominian freak. Come to daddy.

As the Scrominian gets closer, the hero in black creates a bowling ball from his hand and, holding onto it, whacks the baddie in the face. He’s knocked out. Cart-Boy laughs.

Cart-Boy: He’s really bowled over!

Retail-Red is the best fighter of the group. Not only does she use her newly repaired scan-gun to shoot lasers at her opponents, but she also knows martial arts, and uses that to defend herself. She takes out quite a few Scrominians.

Jarlen Mather: I don’t have any weapons to use against my enemies, but I am a huge fan of The Three Stooges.

He then pokes an oncoming Scrommie in the eyes before punching him in the face, dropping him like a sack of potatoes.

Jarlen Mather: Thanks, boys!

Cart-Boy: Hey, wait a minute. Where’s Masked Bagger?

Retail-Red: His Bagger-Pod was shot down earlier. I flew back around to find him but couldn’t.

Cart-Boy: So, he’s dead?

Retail-Red: I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t want to think about that right now. If I get too emotional, it could affect the way I fight. We’ll have time to grieve later, but for now, let’s get these guys!

The fight continues.

CUT TO: Kronenberger and Masked Bagger are chatting in the basement lab of the Scrominian Kroger.

Kronenberger: Oh, I have a solution for that problem as well.

Masked Bagger: What is it?

Kronenberger: I have an invention that I only used once before, but it completely worked. You see, I transported the entire population to a decoy planet. This totally happened on accident, but this fake Scrom was able to sustain life for up to three months. Of course we returned in just a few days.

Masked Bagger: What are you getting at?

Kronenberger: The only way to kill Iko Teeko is to blow him up along with the planet. That’s why he’s undefeated and why the people of his era sent him back in time to get rid of him. They weren’t about to destroy their home just to lose him. So in my plan, we transport people to the substitute Scrom, which only takes a couple of seconds, then we blow this place up by placing a good amount of explosives in the core of the planet.

Masked Bagger: But isn’t losing the planet too big a price to pay?

Kronenberger: It’s happened before. Scrom blew up about two-hundred years ago. This has been told by the surviving Scrominians, who resided on other planets at the time. It took three months for the pieces of Scrom to come together and form a living planet again. And if you recall, I just mentioned that Fake Scrom can sustain life for three months. It’ll be a tight squeeze, but it will work. And to get rid of this evil Lord Teeko will be worth it. He’s really done some damage since coming back in time to the present.

Masked Bagger: Sounds… doable.

Kronenberger: The only problem is that someone will have to sacrifice themselves to keep Teeko here. Otherwise, he could leave the planet before the explosion, using his infamous time travel suit of armor.

Masked Bagger: Someone to serve as a distraction?

Kronenberger: Yes.

CUT TO: Maitland is inside Iko Teeko’s lair. She finally locates the time travel suit of armor. But before she gets it, Iko enters the room.

Iko Teeko: Why hello there, servant. I don’t recall seeing you before.

Maitland Collins: I’m new. Just brought in yesterday. What’s that? (she points)

Iko Teeko: That is a time traveling suit of armor. It was invented a few years ago on Earth.

Maitland Collins: Does it work… Lord Teeko?

Iko Teeko: It does, in fact. Were you dreaming of going to a different year?

Maitland Collins: I’m just being nosy.

Iko Teeko: Let’s cut the act… Miss Collins.

Suddenly, she feels as naked as she actually is, and covers herself with her hands.

Maitland Collins: How’d you know it was me?

Iko Teeko: McPhetridge tipped me off. He’s my son, you know?

Maitland Collins: No, I didn’t.

Iko Teeko: Why do you want the armor?

Maitland Collins: To return home to 2036.

Iko Teeko: You’ll have to fight me for it.

CUT TO: Kronenberger has just planted explosives in the core of the planet. As he returns to his Kroger to flip the switch and transport all Scrominians to Fake Scrom, Masked Bagger heads back to the fight. Since only natives of the planet will transfer, the 717 Guardian has to get the team back in the van and head for Earth. Since Teeko is a native, wouldn’t he automatically transfer? No. He’s from a different time period, which cause his neutrons to be out of balance and not readable to the transportation device. This also includes McPhetridge, who like Iko, Maitland and the Earthlings is just a visitor. The six Level Defenders are the only humans on Scrom at the moment, so there will be no innocent casualties (unless the gang can’t leave in time). Jarlen spots Adam running towards them.

Jarlen Mather: Hey guys, it’s the Bagger!

Cart-Boy: Adam, you’re alive!

They hug.

Masked Bagger: It looks like you guys are winning, but we’ll all lose if we don’t get back in the van immediately.

Retail-Red: Why?

Masked Bagger: A friend is about to blow up the whole planet in order to kill Iko Teeko.

Jarlen Mather: That seems a bit extreme.

Banta Bowler: Not really.

Cart-Boy: What about Maitland?

Masked Bagger: Isn’t she with you guys? She disguised herself as a Scrominian, I assumed to join in the fight without becoming their number one target.

Retail-Red: She’s not with us, Bagger.

Masked Bagger: Crap! I’ll have to contact her once we get to the van. She should still have her communicator with her. Hopefully, she can make it back here in time.

They all run to the van. Cart-Boy gets there first since his shoes have wheels on them. Once at the van, Bagger gets his walkie-talkie out.

Masked Bagger: Maitland, come in. Are you there?

CUT TO: Back in Teeko’s lair. Maitland’s wristwatch lights up. She presses a button and can hear Masked Bagger’s warning. She knows what she must do.

Iko Teeko: I’m going to love watching you die!

She kicks him in his manly area but it has no affect.

Iko Teeko: I haven’t had feeling in there for twelve years now.

She then punches him in the face. It phases him for a second, but only a second. He punches back, knocking her to the floor.

Maitland Collins: Hitting a woman? I can see how *you* were raised.

Iko Teeko: Enough. Let me bring in the big guns.

As he turns around to walk, Maitland, still on the floor, lunges over and grabs onto his right ankles, causing him to trip.

Maitland Collins: Hashtag how the mighty have fallen!

While he’s down, she runs over to the armor and puts it on, then removes her bald cap. He looks at her furiously.

Iko Teeko: Stop it, child!

Maitland Collins: Your reign is over, Teeko!

Iko Teeko: How do you figure that? What can *you* do to me?

Maitland Collins: I can strand you here and let the world destroy you.

She sets the suit to 2036 and presses the button. In a flash of light, she’s gone. Iko remains there, just as Scrom blows up. He is killed. His reign truly IS over.

CUT TO: The Level Defenders (minus Maitland) are headed back to Earth.

Masked Bagger: I’ve got the axe that will kill the Kroger Devil. Once we get home, I’ll use it on him. Then this will all be over - finally! Yep, it’s clear sailing from here on out.

CUT TO: The basement lab. All of the cell doors open, releasing every single super villain. There’s about to be another war. This one, inside 717!

THE END… FOR THIS ISSUE!!

[Adamantium]

**SERIES FINALE**

ISSUE #40. Leaving 717

Starring:
Masked Bagger alias Adam Hauck
Cart-Boy alias Chris Ward
Retail-Red alias Miss Mindy Dalton
Mr. Brad Bartlett
Ben Davis
Hailie Morgan
Maitland Collins

Guest Starring:
Kroger Devil [pictured below]
Katie Collins
Bernie Boswell
Masked Beggar
Pineapple-Man
The Powder
Salt-Man
Cartastrophe
Banker Betty

Including many more surprise cameo appearances!

[Adamantium]

ISSUE #40. Leaving 717

Originally released on February 6th, 2017

And Now Let’s Wrap Up This Story…

Adam Hauck is asleep in his bed when all of a sudden, he wakes up next to his wife.

Adam Hauck: Honey, wake up. I just had a dream that I was a superhero for Kroger on another world. The manager was a depressed professor. I fell in love with a girl who spoke ghetto, but as time went on, she started talking normal and transferred her ghetto-speak to another girl, who really ran with it. One of my bagger buddies turned evil and was replaced by a wannabe screenwriter, who dated the second ghetto girl, but their relationship ended when he outed himself as a brony. And then there was Bernie. Some weird 21 year-old, who’s attracted to little old ladies and started his own religion. Eventually, I got a teenage sidekick and a former cashier/part-time superhero herself became the new boss and a pervy guy from corporate kept hanging around. Later, the first ghetto girl’s adult daughter - whom I had delivered in an elevator with my eyes closed, by the way - came to the store all the way from the year 2036. She was stranded there and took a group of us to another planet to fight a rather tame war before returning home. In the end, all of the super villains were released from their cells and I was going to have to fight them all. That’s when I woke up. What a nightmare!

CUT TO: Masked Bagger wakes up. He had passed out once he arrived at Kroger to notice all of the super villains on the loose.

Masked Bagger: I just had a dream that I woke up, claiming my time at 717 was all a dream, and I gave a quick summary of the past four years. Freaky. I had a wife and everything. She was hot, too.

Cart-Boy: Well, that should have tipped you off that it was a dream.

CUT TO: Moments later. While upstairs, Kroger 717 is in shambles as all of the living super villains are running amok, Masked Bagger, Cart-Boy, Retail-Red and Masked Beggar are in the basement lab, pacing around.

Masked Bagger: Okay, all we have to do is round up the super villains and place them back in their cells.

Cart-Boy: (sarcastically) Yeah, no problem.

Masked Bagger: Come on. We just survived a war.

Cart-Boy: Yeah, but as a team. Maitland’s gone. Banta Bowler’s gone. Jarlen’s gone.

Masked Beggar: At least you’ve got *me* now.

Cart-Boy: (sarcastically) Great, the hobo scientist is with us. We’ll surely defeat an army of super villains *now*!

Masked Beggar: Am I detecting sarcasm?

Cart-Boy: (sarcastically) Damn, you *are* smart.

Masked Bagger: Look, you’re forgetting. I have the weapon I need to defeat the Kroger Devil. He knows it. That’s why he’s freed all the villains. We have a purpose, Cart-Boy. This is our chance to finally end things and avenge your mom and Tincher.

Cart-Boy: We can’t screw this up. Although if we do and I die in the process, at least I won’t have to take that big math test at school tomorrow.

Masked Bagger: That’s the spirit.

Retail-Red: You know, I can’t believe that we have customers up there. It’s extremely dangerous and people are still in here shopping. I don’t understand it. Why are they up there?

Masked Bagger: We have some really great sales.

CUT TO: Bernie Boswell sets foot inside 717, his first time since Agent Jensen made him quit over three months prior. The place is in shambles, due to the escaped villains. Bernie holds up a walkie-talkie and speaks into it.

Bernie Boswell: I’m inside Kroger. This place is a mess. Things definitely went downhill after I left.

Agent Jensen: (via walkie-talkie) Just remember your mission.

Bernie Boswell: Right. Operation “Burn Down Kroger and Salt the Earth So No Building Ever Grows Here” beginning.

CUT TO: The four heroes head upstairs to round up the villains. All of the bag-guns had been destroyed by the baddies when they first escaped, including Masked Beggar’s “indestructible” ones. So, the gang have a pretty tough task before them. Katie Collins, Ben Davis and Hailie Morgan all join together in this scary time as villains are everywhere.

Ben Davis: Why are we not off today?

Hailie Morgan: We open. Someone gotta be here.

Katie Collins: I just came inside to use the restroom. Imma need everyone out of my way!

Hailie Morgan: This be the worst I’ve ever seen it here.

Katie Collins: And where is Adam? He’s probably off hiding in the photo lab.

Ben Davis: He does that a lot?

Katie Collins: You have no idea.

Ben spots Bernie standing by.

Ben Davis: Bernie? How’ve you been, buddy? Jump off any tall buildings lately?

Bernie Boswell: No. I don’t do that anymore. The once was enough.

Hailie Morgan: What you be doing here?

Bernie Boswell: (sarcastically) Basking in the warmth of your customer service. No, actually I’m on a top secret mission for the government. That’s all I can say.

Meanwhile, Masked Bagger spots Pineapple-Man.

Masked Bagger: Well, well. If it isn’t my old nemesis, Piney!

Pineapple-Man: How many times have I told you never to call me that?

Masked Bagger: A bunch. What’s your point?

Pineapple-Man: That we’re having a sale. Pineapples are buy one…

The produce pariah uses his telekinesis to hurl a pineapple at the 717 Guardian. It hits him in the face.

Pineapple-Man: …get one free!

The villain hurls another one at the Bagger. It also strikes the hero in the face.

Masked Bagger: Gosh, you’d think I would learn to dodge those by now! Hey, as long as we’re doing old bits, here’s one I like!

Masked Bagger runs up behind Pineapple-Man, then takes a cart strap out and wraps it around the villain’s throat, choking him for a few seconds. Then he lets go and punches him in the face. Piney goes down. Powder decides to tag-team it and extends his arms in our hero’s direction.

The Powder: I’m back and this time I’ve eaten plenty of sauerkraut.

Masked Bagger: Nasty!

The Powder: I only did it because I discovered that eating that stuff makes my powder deadly. So, I’m back to being a life-threatening villain. Which is just how I like it.

Masked Bagger: The things you do to be able to kill people.

Masked Bagger turns around.

Masked Bagger: Everyone, beware of The Powder! His Spill Magic is deadly to the touch!

Cart-Boy sneaks up behind the villain and uses his handle bar to bash Powder’s skull in. He drops to the floor.

Cart-Boy: Then I’d better take him downstairs to the jail.

Masked Bagger: Isn’t that sweet? One of the Professor’s stepsons is dragging away the Professor’s other stepson. Tincher would be so proud.

Cart-Boy: It’s what family’s all about.

As Cart-Boy drags Powder away, Salt-Man arrives on the scene.

Salt-Man: Fe fi fo fum. Look out Bagger, ‘cause here I am.

Masked Bagger: “Here I come.”

Salt-Man: That’s far too personal a detail to share with me.

Masked Bagger: Typical dumb guy response!

Just then, the big bulky baddie punches our precious hero right in the belt buckle, breaking it and causing his outfit to be sucked back inside. He’s standing there as Adam Hauck. Katie, Ben, Hailie and Bernie are all standing by and see this. They are shocked.

Katie Collins: Imma need… Imma need… Imma need… Imma need…

Ben Davis: Wow, this news broke Katie.

Bernie Boswell: I knew it! I knew it! I mean as of a few seconds ago, I knew it.

Hailie Morgan: I be married to a man and not even know he keep this secret from me. Our marriage be a lie!

Adam Hauck: If you’ll excuse me, I gotta go change.

Adam runs to the bagger’s closet where his original outfit is hidden. He puts it on and returns to the fight. He stands there, facing all of the villains who want him dead. Is he scared? Of course! But he can’t let *them* see that.

Masked Bagger: Okay. It’s time to be takin’ care of business!

Suddenly, the song “Takin’ Care of Business” by Bachman Turner Overdrive comes on the Kroger radio. Bagger smiles.

(Takin' Care if Business by Bachman Turner Overdrive https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCIUf8eYPqA)

Masked Bagger: I swear this is just an awesome coincidence. Now it’s time to bag me some baddies.

The 717 Guardian rejoins the battle. Just then, a flock of the evil birdmen fly into the store to wreak havoc.

Masked Bagger: Four years in and I’m still scared of these feathered freaks!
Soon after, Cart-Boy returns and meets Cartastrophe.

Cartastrophe: What do we have here? A goody-goody version of me?

Cart-Boy: Maybe. But at the end of the day, I can take my costume off, while you’re stuck looking like that.

Just then, Cartastrophe wheels over to the teen titan and rams into him. Cart-Boy takes his handle bar and hits the evil cart villain with it but it doesn’t hurt him at all. He just laughs.

Cartastrophe: What you say is true, but I can’t be physically hurt. You, however, can!

He then punches Cart-Boy in the face with his wheel before racing off.

Retail-Red and Banker Betty meet up.

Retail-Red: Don’t you have any clothes to wear?

Banker Betty: This bikini is literally made of thousand dollar bills. I love to show it off.

Retail-Red: You certainly show everything off in that outfit.

Banker Betty: Look who’s talking, miss red skintight outfit. There’s no secrets to be kept with *your* outfit either.

The two women begin to fight. Immediately, Betty does a spin kick and knocks the scan-gun out of Red’s hand. They then start wrestling. This attracts the attention of every guy in the store, causing them to all stop fighting for a moment, and watch as the two women roll around on the floor, battling it out, oblivious to all the attention they’re receiving.

Cart-Boy: I wish reality had a slow-mo button.

When it’s over, Masked Bagger looks over at Bernie.

Masked Bagger: So Bernie, I meant to ask. What are you doing here?

Bernie Boswell: I guess I can tell you. I’m here to blow up the store.

Masked Bagger: Say what?

Bernie Boswell: Don’t worry. I have official government orders from none other than Agent Jensen himself. He feels since this store has created so many super villains, the best way to end their continued creation is to blow the place up. That way no more villains will be born here, and he can have the existing ones put in an asylum.

Masked Bagger: That’s stupid. Don’t you remember? The store has already been blown up! This isn’t “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” We’re not living in Sunnydale. Kroger 717 isn’t on a Hellmouth. Even though I admit sometimes it may seem that way. The only way to change things is to defeat the Kroger Devil. Once we put him out of commission, then we can work on making the world a safer place.

Bernie takes out a remote control.

Bernie Boswell: So, I shouldn’t push this red button, thus detonating the bomb, causing explosions galore?

Masked Bagger: No, you shouldn’t. This isn’t a Michael Bay film.

Bernie Boswell: Okay, but what a let down. I was really looking forward to playing a key role in the grand finale of this whole “good versus evil at Kroger” story.

Bernie puts the remote back in his pocket, but hears a beep. He takes it out and realizes that…

Bernie Boswell: Oops. I accidentally pressed the button. We now have thirty seconds before this place is blown to smithereens.

Masked Bagger: (yells) Everybody out of here!

Everyone scatters in a panic, all heading for exits. Bernie stands there. He knows he won’t be killed in the explosion, which takes away the risk for him, but many could still be injured or killed in the blast. He runs to the back dock and up the stairs to the roof. The bomb is up there counting down from four seconds. He immediately shuts it off, then exhales.

Bernie Boswell: I did it. I’m a hero. I just saved the building I was ordered to destroy! (pauses) I think Jensen was right. I’m nuttier than a bag of squirrels with nuts in their mouths.

CUT TO: Masked Bagger ends up out back. The Kroger Devil is standing there with a grin on his face.

Masked Bagger: What are you grinning for?

Kroger Devil: This is it. The ending for one of us. And I’m willing to bet it’s you.

Masked Bagger: I have the weapon to destroy you. I had to go all the way to planet Scrom to get it, but I got it.

Kroger Devil: I’m not scared of you. I am a powerful being. Look at all the chaos I’ve caused. All the people I’ve turned evil.

Masked Bagger: How come you never just turned *me* evil?

Kroger Devil: Why would I? You’re my plaything.

Masked Bagger: Or Katie Collins?

Kroger Devil: I left her alone so that she could torture you in her own way. She didn’t have to be a super villain for that.

Masked Bagger: And yet you took Mickey.

Kroger Devil: Eh, he was dispensable.

Masked Bagger: You killed Professor Tincher!

Kroger Devil: To be fair, I killed Marlene Ward. Tincher just insisted on dying with her. You can’t pin that one on me.

The 717 Guardian takes out the Kroger axe, which was in his pocket, and it grows to that of a normal sized axe once in his hand. The Devil continues to smile.

Kroger Devil: This is going to be good.

Masked Bagger: For the past four years you have made my life a living hell.

Kroger Devil: I resent that. If not for me, you never would have been brought to 717 in the first place. You’d still be some loser without a life and working at a regular Kroger store. Your existence would have no meaning and you’d probably just sit at home and write fantasy stories of yourself as a grocery store superhero.

Masked Bagger: Yeah, right.

Kroger Devil: I’m waiting.

Masked Bagger: For what?

Kroger Devil: For a “thank you.”

Masked Bagger: (sarcastically) Thank you.

Just then, the guardian swings the axe, but Kroger Devil puts a force field around his body and the axe bounces off.

Kroger Devil: No. Thank *you*.

He then retaliates by spinning around and whipping Bagger with his tail. The K slices our hero on his left arm.

Masked Bagger: You DEVIL!!! Oh wait, that’s not an insult to you.

Kroger Devil: Nope. It’s a compliment. Being a devil has given me long-lasting life. I’ve been around since 1883 and there’s no end in sight. I feed off the misery I cause others.

Masked Bagger: Do you not see the weapon in my hand?

Kroger Devil: I see it, and I’m not afraid of it. While it *might* have the power to kill me, you don’t know how to use it properly.

Masked Bagger: It’s an axe. All I have to do is this!

Masked Bagger swings the axe at the Kroger Devil again. Devil grabs it by its handle and is holding it off. Both of them have a tight grip on it.

Masked Bagger: I’m not letting go!

Just then, the evil one kicks Bagger in his most manly of areas. He lets go of the axe and goes down to the ground.

Masked Bagger: You fight dirty!

Kroger Devil: I’m a devil. Did you expect a good, clean fight? Maybe we should have a fiddle competition. We could call it “Kroger Devil Went Down to Georgia.”

Masked Bagger: Shut up and fight! I want this to end now!

Devil then raises his arm to chop up and kill the Masked Bagger, but our smart, some say hunky hero, extends his right arm and shoots out a cart strap. It wraps around the axe and Bagger pulls on the strap, forcing the axe out of Kroger Devil’s hand. It lands on the ground. The Devil then grabs Masked Bagger by his jacket and stands him back up.

Kroger Devil: Listen here. I am a very strong being, but even I could use some help. And help is exactly what I have and exactly what you will be calling out for.

The evil being snaps his fingers and all of the super villains line up at a distance. This includes a flock of the evil bird-men. The Masked Beggar had his evilness cranked back up, causing him to be a bad guy once more and join the ranks of other super villains, such as Trash Beast, Big K and Dairy Dude, all ready to kill the store’s defender. Masked Bagger picks up the axe.

Masked Bagger: This one’s for Professor Tincher, Marlene Ward and all the lives you’ve ruined over the years!

The 717 Guardian swings the axe at Kroger Devil again, this time striking him in the chest. The axe remains in the evil one’s chest, but nothing happens. Adam begins to wonder if the axe won’t work on an Earth devil since it was originally created for a Scrominian one.

Kroger Devil: Ha-ha, that tickles. You honestly thought that would kill me? You are extremely pathetic! (to the villains) Super villains… attack!

All the villains start running towards Masked Bagger. This looks like the end of our precious hero as there’s no way he can battle all of them by himself. Before they reach Bagger, however, the affect of the axe finally kicks in, and Kroger Devil suddenly explodes. All of the villains instantly revert back to their normal selves. They stop running, except for Rob Jenkins (formerly Meat-Man), who still goes up and punches Masked Bagger in the face.

Rob Jenkins: Hey, I hated you BEFORE I turned evil!

Masked Bagger: Fair enough.

Masked Bagger looks over the crowd of reformed baddies.

Masked Bagger: I won. I actually won. The Kroger Devil is dead. He’s really dead. His reign of evil is over. I’m saying it out loud to accept it as the truth because this is just so unbelievable, but it’s true. He’s dead. I did it, Professor. And look… everybody’s back to normal!

Bernie Boswell opens the back door from inside the building and the song “Hello Sunshine” by the Super Furry Animals is playing on the Kroger radio.

(Hello Sunshine by the Super Furry Animals https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njaYAccqpqk)

As Masked Bagger looks over the crowd of men and women who were once evil, he now sees them as their true selves. From Mickey Tork to Vince Beckett. From Bailey Moore to Dylan Stephens. A true miracle has occurred here today. Bernie spots Gabe Chapman, no longer Freeze-Cepticon, and runs up to him.

Bernie Boswell: Chappy! It’s great to see you again, buddy!

Gabe Chapman: It’s great to be human again. I hated being an appliance. Oh, and I’m sorry for trying to freeze you to death that one time.

Bernie Boswell: It’s okay. Every friendship has their rocky moments. Now listen. I’ll just rip this band-aid off immediately. You’re not going to live for a couple hundred years like I had promised. Turns out, I’m the only one the formula works for. Boswellity was fake.

Gabe Chapman: So, I’ve got your blood mixed with mine for no reason?

Bernie Boswell: I wouldn’t say no reason. Now we’re blood brothers!

Masked Bagger turns around and faces the store… the store he’s saved from the clutches of evil. He goes inside. Soon a crowd of reporters, including Tony Walmer of the Kroger Gazette, come to 717. As our hero walks around his workplace of the last four years, the reporter approaches him.

Tony Walmer: Masked Bagger! Question!

Masked Bagger: What is it, Tony?

Tony Walmer: So, you’re really Adam Hauck?

Masked Bagger: How’d you hear about that? My secret was only revealed a little bit ago.

Tony Walmer: Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites have all posted it. Even the thought-to-be-dead Myspace announced it. Your secret is no more.

Masked Bagger: I guess my job here is done, so I don’t need it to be a secret anymore. I am really Adam Hauck.

Tony Walmer: I have another question, if you don’t mind.

Masked Bagger: Go ahead.

Tony Walmer: Who is Adam Hauck? That name really means nothing to anybody. The Masked Bagger may as well be Joe Schmo.

Masked Bagger: (angry) Interview over.

CUT TO: Cassie Beaumont, former Kroger employee, is sitting in her home, watching the news about the true identity of the Masked Bagger.

Cassie Beaumont: I can’t believe Masked Bagger is really Adam Hauck. And to think I actually had sex with him.

She then rubs her baby bump. Cassie never told him, but she is pregnant with the son of Masked Bagger.

CUT TO: A few hours later, things have settled down and Adam enters the manager’s office, carrying a duffle bag, which among other souvenirs, includes the framed picture of Katie, Mickey, Professor Tincher, M.B. and himself. He has an important announcement to make. Mindy Dalton, Chris Ward, Bernie Boswell, Katie Collins, Ben Davis, Hailie Morgan, Mr. Bartlett and Adam III, formerly Masked Beggar (who lost the beard and mask but is still wearing the black and gray jacket) are all sitting around the office celebrating.

Adam Hauck: Everyone, since the Kroger Devil is dead, I’ve decided to leave 717 and this Earth level. It’s been the best four years of my life… four years, like high school. I guess that makes this graduation day.

Katie Collins: So, you were the Masked Bagger all along, huh?

Adam Hauck: Yep. Professor Tincher made me keep it a secret.

Katie Collins: And you weren’t actually a coward like we all thought?

Adam Hauck: I wouldn’t say that. I *was* a coward, but I fought that everyday when I battled those birds and super villains.

Katie Collins: Wait a minute. What about a few years ago on Masked Bagger Day? The both of you were here at the same time.

Adam Hauck: That was a clone created just for that event.

Katie Collins: Well Imma miss you, Adam.

Adam Hauck: “Adam”? Come on… for old time’s sake?

Katie Collins: Oh, fine… Puddin’.

Adam Hauck: (smiles) There it is.

They hug. Adam finally gets a proper hug from Katie Collins. When it’s over, Ben Davis walks up to Adam.

Ben Davis: I know you and I weren’t really friends, but my biggest complaint about you is that you were never around when I needed your help bagging. I thought you were just lazy and avoiding the front end. Now that I know you were off fighting crime as the store’s superhero, I see you in a whole new light. It was an honor to work with you.

Adam Hauck: Thanks, Ben. Oh, and I have a surprise for you. Hollywood called a little bit ago, wanting my story to be a movie. I agreed to give them the rights as long as a certain Ben Davis could write the screenplay. They okayed it.

Ben Davis: Seriously? That’s great! Thanks, man!

Adam Hauck: No problem. You’ll find all of my stories inside my diary, er, I mean my manly journal in the basement lab. Make it a good film.

Ben Davis: I will.

Adam turns to Bernie.

Adam Hauck: Bernie, you are the weirdest guy I know. Thank you for that. You made me look less weird by comparison.

Bernie Boswell: That’s what I’m here for.

Adam Hauck: I will never forget you… no matter how hard I try.

Adam smiles as does Bernie. They hug.

Bernie Boswell: (choking back tears) Goodbye, break buddy.

Chris Ward walks up to Adam.

Chris Ward: Thanks for blowing up the Kroger Devil. I just wish I had been there to see it.

Adam Hauck: It was pretty awesome.

Chris Ward: Man, I can’t believe you won’t be here anymore. We’ve been through so much together. I’m gonna miss you, Adam.

Adam Hauck: I’m gonna miss you, too. You were the younger brother I never had and proved to be a great sidekick. There shouldn’t be anything else to worry about, but just in case some form of evil makes its way to 717, I trust that you can take care of the situation all by yourself. I’m leaving the store’s safety to you.

Chris Ward: I’ll do you proud, brother.

The two former superheroes hug. Once they finish, Adam looks at Hailie.

Adam Hauck: My ex-wife.

Hailie Morgan: My ex-hubby. So, you don’t be from Canada, huh?

Adam Hauck: Nope. I’m from Earth level one. But I couldn’t tell you that without revealing my secret. Thank you for marrying me when I needed to stay in this world. You know, after you moved out, for the next three weeks, I cried myself to sleep. I missed you as my roomie.

Hailie Morgan: (emotional) Damn. The tears be coming out my eyes!

They hug. When they’re done, Mindy and Adam III, holding hands, walk up to Adam.

Miss Dalton: I came to this store in search of my Adam. Thank you for bringing him back to me.

Adam Hauck: You’re welcome. And thank *you* for all of your help along the way. I’m glad you came back, Mindy, and you make a great boss.

Miss Dalton: Thank you, Adam.

Adam Hauck: And to you, Adam III… I’m still Adam One, you know. You did good, just like you said you would. Thanks for helping me out towards the end of my run here with some of those inventions, and congratulations on being me and proving that I can be so much more if I actually try.

Adam III: Thank you, Adam… or as I like to think of you, “Simple Me.” You freed me from what the evil Kroger Devil had done to me. I can live a happy life now. It’s much appreciated.

The couple walk away as Mr. Bartlett walks up to the former 717 Guardian.

Mr. Bartlett: I’ve enjoyed my time here with you, Adam. I know at first you didn’t appreciate me, but I’m pretty sure by now you realize that things couldn’t function without me. And for that reason, I’ve won you over.

Adam Hauck: Sure, why not?

Suddenly, Doctor Whetstone walks into the office.

Doctor Whetstone: There you are, Mr. Bartlett. I quit.

Mr. Bartlett: What? Why?

Doctor Whetstone: I’m not able to make a living from psychiatry here anymore. I’m just not getting any patients.

Mr. Bartlett: What are you talking about? There’s a whole crop of former super villains out there that will need your therapy to help them adjust to everything that’s happened. You’re gonna be busier than ever.

Doctor Whetstone: (happily) Alright!

He joyfully walks out of the office.

Mr. Bartlett: I love providing light at the end of the tunnel for sad people. And Mindy feels I shouldn’t get involved.

Adam Hauck: Goodbye, Mr. Bartlett.

Mr. Bartlett: Goodbye, Adam. Take care.

Adam takes one last look at his co-workers. They’re all looking back at him with smiles on their faces.

Adam Hauck: I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life now, but I’ll carry the experiences I’ve had as the Masked Bagger with me wherever I go, and I’ll remember all of you fondly.

Adam turns around and then leaves the office. Maitland Collins is standing by just outside the office door to say farewell.

Adam Hauck: Maitland? Hi.

Maitland Collins: I think you’re confused. The correct word in this case would be “bye.”

She smiles.

Adam Hauck: What are you doing here? I thought you went back to 2036 to continue kicking Scrominian ass.

Maitland Collins: I did. Teeko’s gone, but there’s always another crazed dictator waiting in the wings. But, of course, I had to come back to see you off.

Adam Hauck: Well, thank you. That means a lot. It’s good to see you again and know that you made it back safely. But listen, before I go, I just have to ask. Since you’re from the future, you may know. What happens to everybody?

Maitland Collins: Let’s see. Well, you know that Ben has that movie deal. The film is a success, even though he screwed with the timeline and had him in the story from the beginning. He does pretty well for himself in Hollywood, though. Hailie is currently the mom of six kids, with six different baby daddies, which was difficult for her until she was given her own reality show on TLC. Oh, and yes, they all talk like her. Chris Ward marries his high school sweetheart next year, and they divorce three years later, after they both discovered the other one was cheating with the same girl. Mr. Bartlett retired from corporate a couple of years ago and, realizing how empty his life is without Kroger, came back to 717 as a bagger. Bernie fights alongside me in the future… still looking like a twenty-one year-old. He’s become my best friend. I just wish he would stop talking to his ghost wife. That’s creepy. And as for my mom, she never became a kindergarten teacher like she dreamed of, but she worked her ass off, and in a few years, after Mindy and her Adam return to their home world, mom becomes store manager of 717. She married a guy with the last name of Collins - no relation - but she still wanted to keep her own last name. So, she now goes by Katie Collins-Collins and has a couple more kids. She’s very happy.

Adam Hauck: That’s wonderful. And me?

Maitland Collins: And you? You live happily ever after.

Adam Hauck: (smiles) I do?

Maitland Collins: I have no idea. I only know the future for this Earth level. But why not? After all you’ve done for this store, you deserve to live happily ever after.

Adam Hauck: Thanks.

They hug.

Adam Hauck: Well, I’m on my way to being the person formerly known as Masked Bagger. So long, Maitland. Thanks for coming back just to say goodbye.

Maitland Collins: You’re welcome. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry my mom didn’t love you back. Although I’m not *too* sorry, or otherwise I wouldn’t be here.

They laugh before Adam turns around and walks away. As he’s walking through the store, he’s filled with great memories, and is thankful that Professor Tincher invited him to come to this store in the first place. He walks outside and then turns around for one last look.

Adam Hauck: Goodbye, 717... And goodbye, Masked Bagger.

Adam Hauck walks off into the sunset, no longer the 717 Guardian. The gang in the manager’s office look out of the window and watch as he presses a button and transports back to Earth level one for good. And now I must thank you for taking the time out of your busy life to read of the adventures of Masked Bagger. You may now return to said busy life.

THE END