How to be sympathetic - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Kay Scarpetta · 10-23-2005, 12:55 PM

I need your guy's help badly. My boyfriend of almost a year's grandmother died this morning. She was basically the only thing holding the family together (or what's left of it-- they don't have the greatest family situation, by any means). She died of a stroke, just like my grandmother did, when I was 10.The thing is, I have no idea what to do or say. I seem to A] have no idea what to do when bad situations arise, and B] I lack sympathy. I'm not a cruel person, please don't get me wrong- but I just have no emotions.

I just want to know what to do and what to say. I want to be able to be there for him. What makes it worse is I hate his whole entire family, and they aren't too fond of me (though, they ain't too fond of anyone). I wanted to make him his favorite kind of cookies to cheer him up, but then decided not to because if I showed up at his house with a plate of cookies, I figured that it would seem like I'm trying to make light of the situation. I just want to know what to do and what to say.

And let it be known that I do indeed feel like an idiot for posting this. Any normal person would know how to be sympathetic. I feel like Hannibal Lector or something.

Kay Scarpetta · 10-23-2005, 01:58 PM

can anybody help? =/

Courtnee · 10-23-2005, 02:01 PM

Just tell him your there for him whenever he needs you. Give him a shoulder to cry on that kind of thing...

rusyd · 10-23-2005, 02:10 PM

Just be there for him. Making food for people who have lost a loved one is an old tradition and it is not a bad thing to do. So, go ahead and make the cookies for him and be there for him. Don't worry about his family, but if you want you could send a sympathy card to them.

EmoJoe · 10-23-2005, 03:40 PM

Yeah just be there for him, he'll appreciate that. Tell him that you're sorry for his loss and then he can lean on you if he ever needs someone to talk to.

Nighthawk76 · 10-23-2005, 03:51 PM

Just tell him how you feel. I also think you have more sympathy and emotions then you give yourself credit for. If you didn't, you would not have been concerned with what to say to your boyfriend to begin with.

MsOrange · 10-23-2005, 05:08 PM

I think the cookies are a good idea, personally.

Just be there for him, let him cry, cry w/ him... but also, give him space. Don't freak out if for the next couple of weeks he seems distance, cause chances are it will have nothing to do with you.

D.J. · 10-23-2005, 05:35 PM

All you need to do is just tell him that you know how much it hurts and that you've been down that road before. The cookies are a good idea but I think a cake would be better. I've been there before. I've lost 2 cousins aged 25 or younger.

Tuesday Weld · 10-23-2005, 05:39 PM

I agree with what everyone else has said - just be there for him and let him know you care about his loss.

Hollow · 10-23-2005, 05:43 PM

just the basic "i'm sorry, i know how it is" type of thing, really.

what i hate about having to tell people that my mom died (especially in a non-sad situation) is that i feel like i'm making THEM uncomfortable, like putting them in the situation you're in now and not knowing exactly what to say to me in worry that it will hurt my feelings. really they don't have to say much, a semi-sympathetic "sorry about that" will do, they don't need to make a care package for me or anything.

Kay Scarpetta · 10-23-2005, 07:33 PM

Thank you all for your responses, I do appreciate it. They're all at her apartment cleaning it out now. I was kind of upset today because I wanted to be with him and be there for him, but whoever said to give him space is right. I'll wait for him to come to me. I don't want to be pushy, especially on a situation like this.

Karen* · 10-23-2005, 07:41 PM

I agree with everyone else.

Janice · 10-23-2005, 07:46 PM

Now, I know you have emotions. Like others are saying, just be there for him. Cookies are still a good idea. Even though you're not on good terms with his family, I would still send them a sympathy card. Relations may improve one day, and you won't regret your kindness.

Maybe you could write a poem in tribute to his grandmother and give it to him. You're a good writer, and I'm sure he would cherish a gift from the heart.

ABlairican Pie · 10-23-2005, 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kay Scarpetta

can anybody help? =/

I would make cookies!!!! They have to remember the thought counts, you're trying to cheer people up. If they can't figure it out, don't let that stop you from being the better person.

¤I Love Clay Aiken¤ · 10-23-2005, 08:50 PM

Karly, Im just like you- I show NO sympathy. Customers or people will tell me something sad and instead of being like 'oh thats too bad' or 'Im sorry', I freak out and say 'aww' or 'ohh' and kinda frown. I just have a hard time saying sorry, ya know? I hate situations like that and try to avoid them because I do come across as being heartless. Hmm.. cookies would be nice. And, if you have a hard time telling him how you feel, how about writing him a nice letter in a sympathy card or something?

10-23-2005, 12:55 PM	#1
Kay Scarpetta Defy Gravity 8.26.05 Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 04, 2001 Location: La Vie Boheme Posts: 28,013	How to be sympathetic I need your guy's help badly. My boyfriend of almost a year's grandmother died this morning. She was basically the only thing holding the family together (or what's left of it-- they don't have the greatest family situation, by any means). She died of a stroke, just like my grandmother did, when I was 10.The thing is, I have no idea what to do or say. I seem to A] have no idea what to do when bad situations arise, and B] I lack sympathy. I'm not a cruel person, please don't get me wrong- but I just have no emotions. I just want to know what to do and what to say. I want to be able to be there for him. What makes it worse is I hate his whole entire family, and they aren't too fond of me (though, they ain't too fond of anyone). I wanted to make him his favorite kind of cookies to cheer him up, but then decided not to because if I showed up at his house with a plate of cookies, I figured that it would seem like I'm trying to make light of the situation. I just want to know what to do and what to say. And let it be known that I do indeed feel like an idiot for posting this. Any normal person would know how to be sympathetic. I feel like Hannibal Lector or something.
	__________________ The people who think they know everything about Broadway make me laugh. They've never seen a Broadway play in their life. "oh mi godddd RENT's a mooovie! lyke 525600 minuuuuuuutes!" No. To be a Broadway Freak, you must live, eat, sleep, study, devout, think, obsess, dream, believe Broadway. You must know original & revival casts, soundtracks, performance runs, dates, theatres, numbers, how many Tony Awards A Chorus Line won. You must be Broadway. That's right bitches. I AM Broadway.

10-23-2005, 02:01 PM	#3
Courtnee MAN VS SAMMICH. Forum Star Join Date: Mar 23, 2005 Location: Louisiana Posts: 16,413	Just tell him your there for him whenever he needs you. Give him a shoulder to cry on that kind of thing...
	__________________ Whether I'm the rose of sheer perfection A freckle on the nose of life's complexion The Cinderella or the shine apple of its eye I gotta fly once, I gotta try once, Only can die once, right, sir? Ooh, life is juicy, juicy and you see, I gotta have my bite, sir. Get ready for me love, 'cause I'm a "comer" I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer Don't bring around the cloud to rain on my parade

10-23-2005, 03:40 PM	#5
EmoJoe Cool cool cool Forum Addict Join Date: Apr 23, 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 71,478	Yeah just be there for him, he'll appreciate that. Tell him that you're sorry for his loss and then he can lean on you if he ever needs someone to talk to.
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10-23-2005, 05:39 PM	#9
Tuesday Weld I missed you all. hugs Forum Celebrity Join Date: Feb 02, 2003 Location: Having a great time. Posts: 22,285	I agree with what everyone else has said - just be there for him and let him know you care about his loss.
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10-23-2005, 07:41 PM	#12
Karen* paradox. Forum Superstar Join Date: Jan 08, 2005 Location: San Francisco, CA Posts: 28,365	I agree with everyone else.
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10-23-2005, 01:58 PM	#2
Kay Scarpetta Defy Gravity 8.26.05 Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 04, 2001 Location: La Vie Boheme Posts: 28,013	can anybody help? =/

10-23-2005, 02:10 PM	#4
rusyd Member Forum Star Join Date: Mar 30, 2004 Posts: 13,505	Just be there for him. Making food for people who have lost a loved one is an old tradition and it is not a bad thing to do. So, go ahead and make the cookies for him and be there for him. Don't worry about his family, but if you want you could send a sympathy card to them.

10-23-2005, 03:51 PM	#6
Nighthawk76 Rachel Berry Forum Celebrity Join Date: Feb 28, 2003 Location: Illinois Posts: 23,254	Just tell him how you feel. I also think you have more sympathy and emotions then you give yourself credit for. If you didn't, you would not have been concerned with what to say to your boyfriend to begin with.

10-23-2005, 05:08 PM	#7
MsOrange Bringin' Sexy Back Forum Veteran Join Date: Dec 27, 2004 Posts: 6,133	I think the cookies are a good idea, personally. Just be there for him, let him cry, cry w/ him... but also, give him space. Don't freak out if for the next couple of weeks he seems distance, cause chances are it will have nothing to do with you.

10-23-2005, 05:35 PM	#8
D.J. Member Forum Regular Join Date: Sep 28, 2005 Location: New York City Posts: 887	All you need to do is just tell him that you know how much it hurts and that you've been down that road before. The cookies are a good idea but I think a cake would be better. I've been there before. I've lost 2 cousins aged 25 or younger.

10-23-2005, 05:43 PM	#10
Hollow Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Dec 16, 2001 Posts: 30,406	just the basic "i'm sorry, i know how it is" type of thing, really. what i hate about having to tell people that my mom died (especially in a non-sad situation) is that i feel like i'm making THEM uncomfortable, like putting them in the situation you're in now and not knowing exactly what to say to me in worry that it will hurt my feelings. really they don't have to say much, a semi-sympathetic "sorry about that" will do, they don't need to make a care package for me or anything.

10-23-2005, 07:33 PM	#11
Kay Scarpetta Defy Gravity 8.26.05 Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 04, 2001 Location: La Vie Boheme Posts: 28,013	Thank you all for your responses, I do appreciate it. They're all at her apartment cleaning it out now. I was kind of upset today because I wanted to be with him and be there for him, but whoever said to give him space is right. I'll wait for him to come to me. I don't want to be pushy, especially on a situation like this.

10-23-2005, 07:46 PM	#13
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	Now, I know you have emotions. Like others are saying, just be there for him. Cookies are still a good idea. Even though you're not on good terms with his family, I would still send them a sympathy card. Relations may improve one day, and you won't regret your kindness. Maybe you could write a poem in tribute to his grandmother and give it to him. You're a good writer, and I'm sure he would cherish a gift from the heart.

10-23-2005, 08:50 PM	#15
¤I Love Clay Aiken¤ MISS APRIL Forum Addict Join Date: Jul 19, 2001 Location: Parsonsfield ME Shaws - Screwing my way up the employment ladder! Posts: 68,780	Karly, Im just like you- I show NO sympathy. Customers or people will tell me something sad and instead of being like 'oh thats too bad' or 'Im sorry', I freak out and say 'aww' or 'ohh' and kinda frown. I just have a hard time saying sorry, ya know? I hate situations like that and try to avoid them because I do come across as being heartless. Hmm.. cookies would be nice. And, if you have a hard time telling him how you feel, how about writing him a nice letter in a sympathy card or something?
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