"Finders Keepers":
(Ralph & Ed want to get the money so they can buy Bartfled's Candy Store. Alice & Trixie won't give them the money.)
Ed: "Our money is in a joint account."
Ralph: "So what? That money is yours just as it is hers."
Ed: "There's a slight technicality there. Our joint account is in the name of Trixie and her mother."
"Finders Keepers":
Ralph: "I know New York from top to bottom."
Ed: "I have been working in the sewer for years. I know New York from bottom to top."
"Flushing Ho":
Ralph: "When did you get those glasses?"
Ed: "About four months ago. The doctor told me that I have to wear them when I read."
Ralph: "Do they help?"
Ed: "I don't know. This is the first time I have tried them out."
"Kramden Vs. Norton":
Ralph: "Thank you very much for having my underwear outside all night. Now it's frozen stiff."
Alice: "I'm sorry."
Ralph: "Don't apologize. Just give me an ice pick and I will get dressed."
"The Deciding Vote":
Alice: "Ralph, what are you going to do?"
Ralph: "I will give that bum (Ed) a reference." (reading): "'How long have you known the applicant?' Too long." (reading): "'Is the applicant trustworthy?' Don't make me laugh." (reading): "'In your opinion, is the applicant a good character?' The applicant is a bum!"
"In Twenty-Five Words Or Less":
Alice: "We have to get rid of Happy. He's too big for this apartment."
Ralph: "He's too big for a zoo."
"Opportunity Knocks, But":
Trixie: "Hey, I got to go downtown shopping tomorrow, there's a big sale on men's shorts. .89 cents a pair! Norton could sure use some."
Alice: "So could Ralph, what sizes have they got?"
Trixie: "All sizes: 32 to 50."
Alice: "Nope, nothing there for Ralph!"
"Sleepy Time Gal":
Ed: "Remember last year at the Raccoon Convention in New York where the police where cracking down on people who were throwing water bags out of the hotel windows? That didn't stop me. I just filled up the bags with water and threw them out my hotel window."
Ralph: "What happened?"
Ed: "I almost drowned. The window was closed."
"The Loudspeaker":
Ralph: "There's an honor with being Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler that is a benefit for both of us. If I'm elected Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler, we have the priviledge of free burial at the Raccoon National Cemetery? Do you know where that is? Bismark, North Dakota."
Alice: "Well, that's wonderful Ralph. Just wonderful. I always dreamed of going out west."
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