[Cactus Jack]

Emily : Yeah , you guys could hold auditions

Diana : Thatd be awesome

Eric : Yeah!

Rocko : We’ll hold iti n the gym!


Frank : Yeah PARTYYYY WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Eric : Hey Frank, gonna say Soul Patrol next?

Frank : No

Eric : Ok

*next day, they hold auditions, Eric, Rocko, Frank, Matt and Adam are there judging*

Eric : Ok, I brought in someone to help judge us, come on in!


*then enters….*

Rocko: Simon Cowell?

Simon : Yeah, it’s me

Eric : Lwt’s go


Eric : Our first auditioner is….Carl Hensley Carl?


Carl : Yes

Rocko : How old are you?

Carl : 60, but I like singing at my family’s wedding randomly when Ive had little much

Frank : O…k go ahead

Matt : What are you gonna sing?

Carl : Theyre Coming To Take Me Away Ha-Haa!

Adam : Alright, then go ahead

Carl : Remember when you ran away and I and got on my knees and begged you not to leave* because Id go berserk

Well, you left me anyhow
And then the days got worse and worse
And now you see I've gone
Completely out of my mind
And, they're coming to take me away, ha-haaa
They're coming to take me away
Ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those nice young men
In their clean white coats
And they're coming to take me away, ha-haaa
…..*stops*


Eric : Ok ok first off, what the heck?

Carl : You didn’t like it?

Rocko : No, I don’t mind that song, but that’s just too wacky, not what we’re looking for

Frank : We’re* not looking for people who sings 60s novelty songs while drunk at family weddings
Carl : I don’t always sing thos,e I just felt like it today, I wanan bet hew 60 year old William Hung

Matt : Well, you are

Carl : Great

Adam : In a bad way, Simon?

Simon : That was quite possibly the most ridiculous audition Ive ever seen that wasn’t on American Idol, theyre having a party and they want a band, with a* good singer, not that

Carl : How would do describe that?

Simon : That was like you just came from an isnane asylum and came here, it was really BAD

*Carl walks out*
Eric : NEXT!

*guy laughing*
Eric ; oh no, Charlie?

Tom : NO, its Tom, im 26 and I want to peform at the party with a band

Eric : Go ahead

Rtom : MOVE YOURSELF, you always lived your life, never thinking of the future, prove yourself, you are the move you make, take your chances* win See yourself
You are the steps you take
You and you - and that's the only way

Shake - shake yourself
You're every move you make
So the story goes
Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than the owner of a broken heart
OWNER OF A LONELY HEAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT

Eric : What the heck was that? That’s a godo song ,but that was the worst rendition

Rocko : I was alive when that came out , well I mean I was teenager, and I love it, but that was just horrible

Frank : You sound like a girl, almost, you’re the worst
Matt : That was just about as good as getting a massage from your grandma after she got all sweaty
*al laugh and go Oooooooooooh*
I mean, it was HORRIBLE

Adam : Where’s that Carl guy* by the way? He was better than you, wait actually…
Simon : That was hideous. That was like something youd expect at a karaoke bar, some guy in the restraunt just decides go up and try to be good, you cnat try to be good. It didn’t have the wow factor, by the way who told you you were a good singer?

Tom : Everyone I know, oh andm* yco –workers

Simon : Get new co workers and a new everyone you know

*all laugh Tom leaves*

*just then a rock band, with a bald lead singer walsk in, there’s a guitarist, a bass player, a drummer and a keyboardist*

Eric : Wow, an actual band

The singer : Yeah

Rocko: Whats your name?

Singer : Im* Adam* Rocko, itsm y stage name, my actual name is Adam* Larson


Adam: Cool,Im Adam too

Adam: Ah

Frank: So what will you guys be singing, and whatst he band name


Joey :Urban Rainforest!!!

Mitch : Cool, go ahead do your stuff

Adam : Ok,* we’re gonna do* Shimmer b yFuel;

Adam : love that song, go ahead

*band starts playing*

Adam : *singing*
She calls me from the cold
Just when I was low, feeling short of stable
And all that she intends
And all she keeps inside, isn't on the label
She says she's ashamed
And she can take me for a while
And can I be a friend, we'll forget the past
But maybe I'm not able
And I break at the bend
We're here and now, but will we ever be again
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
Away again

*during this Eric, Rocko, Frank, Mitch, Adam and Simon starts rockin to the song*


*then the upbeat ROCK YER BVUTT OFF* part comes on*

She dreams a champagne dream
Strawberry surprise, pink linen and white paper
Lavender and cream
Fields of butterflies, reality escapes her
She says that love is for fools that fall behind
And I'm somewhere in between
I never really know
A killer from a savior
'Til I break at the bend
We're here and now, but will we ever be again
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
Away again
It's too far away for me to hold
It's too far away....
Guess I'll let it go

*song ends., the rest CHEER*

Eric : WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOq! Now THAT is what I call a band THAT was AMAZING beyond words,* THAT’s what we need! THAT’S IT RIGHT THERE!!!

Rocko: UR-BAN RAIN-FOR-EST! UR-BAN RAIN-FOR-EST! UR-BAN RAIN-FOR-EST! UR-BAN RAIN-FOR-EST! UR-BAN RAIN-FOR-EST! UR-BAN RAIN-FOR-EST!

Frank : That was beyond awesome, that sdouns like a song* to get drunk to a party that was AWESOME!!!!


Matt : If I had a lighter, I would’ve flicked it and waved it, AWESOME!!!!

Adam : Simply AWESOME, AWEOSME, AWESOME, AWESOME, AWESOME,AWESOME,AWESOME,AWESOME, AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!


Simon : Best yet by far

Eric : YOU’RE PERFORMING AT THE PARTY!!!!!


Urban Rainforest: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!


*after that day at home*
Eric : Man, that band was awesome!!! Find their number!

Rocko: Alright!


Emily : Who’s the band?

Eric: Urban Rainforest

Emiyl: Ewwwww is that some easy listening* soft rock band rhat everyone will hate?

Rocko: No, itheyre this hard rock/metal type band, theyre really awesome


Emily: Ah

Frank Maybe they should hcnage their name , that name doesn’t sound metal

Diana : Yeah, Urban Rainforest sounds like the name of some…shampoo or fragrance
Eric: Yeah it does

Emily : Find their* number


Eric : Yeah . I guess I have to think of some names

Diana :I bet they were awesome, though

Eric : They were!

Bill: Suggest the name Starship Enterprise!

Eric : No, Bill, thatll make them look like the second coming of Devo

Rock o: I like Whip It


Eric : So do I, but you know what I meant

Chad : Yeah, I cant wait!


Rocko: Me neither!

Frank : Yeah those guys rock

*Eric dials phone number*


*Adam Larson picks up phone*

Adam : Hey

Eric ; Hey, ist Eric the guy form the audition

Adam : Oh yeah! You!* So yeah, what do you need?

Eric : Umm ,m y soon to be wife

Adam : So that’s what this is for? Awesome! Congrats!

Eric : Yeah, the patry before the bachelor and bachelorette parties

Adam : Ah

Eric : Yeah, well she though your band name sounded too much like an easy listening soft rock band everyone will hate

Adam :Yeah , we were always kinda iffy on that name, it doesn’t even fit us, oen of the band members’ gay co-workers thought it up

Eric : Sounds like it, so how about a new name

Adam : Yeah , like what?


Eric : The Pistols?

Adam : Sounds great, any other ideas?

*in the background* Bill; STARSHIP ENTERPRISE!!!!!


Adam : Huh?

Eric : Nevermind, my geeky OLDER brother whos in his 30s wanst the new name to* be Starship Enterprise

Adam : Doesn’t sound bad, but yeah too geeky


Eric : So The Pistols?

Adam : Yeah!!! Sounds great!


Eric “ Alright! Bye


Adam : Bye


*they both hnag up phones*

Eric : THE PISTOLS IS IT!!!!

Emily : Alright, MUCH COOLER NAME!

Eric: Yeah!
Diana : Alright!

Eric : Yeah

Adam: Let’s go to a restraunt

Eric: Yeah!

*Eric, Emily, Adam, Diana, Rocko, Chad and Frank are at a restraunt*

Eric : Alright, I love this place

Emily : Yeah


Waitress: Hi, my name is Lacey how are you?

Eric : Great

Lacey: What* drink would you like to order?

Eric : Oh Ill have a DR. Pepper

Emily : Me too

Adam : Ill have root beer

Diana: Ill have Coke

Frank: Ill have some Budweiser

Rocko: I second that

Chad: Ill third that

Lacey : Ok, two Dr. Peppers, one root beer, one coke, three Budweiser


All : Yup!

Lacey: Okay!


Eric: Ah that sounds fun

Emily : Yeah, I haven’t been here in ages

Rocko: I remember the first time we came here

Adam :* How long has this place been open?

Diana : I don’t know

Emily : I don’t know either, I think maybe over 40 years

Eric: Yeah cause they’ve remodeled it a couple times I know

Rocko: Yeah its great

Frank : This place, Mosnter Lounge, is awesome

Adam : Yeah its the hangout

Diana : Sure is

Little Kid : MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why do* you get usch a bog cup a get these little ones?

Mom: Cause youre a young boy

Little Kid; Im 10!!!!* Ima* double digit age!!! I should be allowed to have big glasses* not little ones

Eric : Why is he whining about his cup?


Emily : I don’t know

*waiter comes in*
Waiter: Hey Im Dan Reston….HEY GUYS!!!


Frank: Hey Dan. What’s up?


Dan : Not much

Eric: You’re a waiter here now

Dan : Yeah I am

Eric; Cool

Dan : Its not the only place Ive worked though

Eric: Really? Where else

Dan : Oh I worked at this electronics store once* called Electronic Town

Emily : Ive been here it’s cool


Dan : Yeah I got fired

Rocko: Why?

Dan : Cause this customer was being an idiot, she was like “Oh umm is a DVd like a CD with a movie on it? Like is that a TV , like is it like, ya know like, whats this right here is it like a TV? That box that shows things” I was like “YES YOU DUMBASS. NW GET OUT OF MY STORE”, then the girl complained to m yboss and I get fire,d all cause some CHICK WAS BEING A DUMBASS

Frank : Ha well, that’s too bad

Dan : Then I worked at ANOTHER electronics store I was* there for a while it was called Electronics Ahoy I think

Eric: It was run by PIRATES?

Dan : laughs No, that was just the name


Eric : Ah I see what happened?


Dan : Oh I loved it, I just decided to work here when Murph gave me the job here?


Frank : Wait,MURPH?


Diana: Oh, MURPH

Adam : You guys know Murph?

Eric: Yeah


Rocko: Hell yeah! He’s was our other buddy in high school and college, well we had lots but we wree the three troublemakers, me Frank and him, and Chad, so 4.


Chad: Yeah

Dan : Want me to bring him here?

All : Yeah!


*Murph walks out, hes aboyt 6’5 very tall, *

Murph: Hey guys, how are ya>?


Rocko: Awesome!

Frank* You work here?


Murph: Im the manager


Rocko: Wow

Eric: Wow the manager at Monster Louge
that’s great

Murph: I hired and kept Dan cause he said I was the only one who could put up with his hsit that he kneew, besides his manager at Electronics Ahoy!

Adam: Awesome, that’s great

Dan : Wait, you guys wanna order

Murph: Ok, take their orders, come back. Have them cook, and you sure the food, we dotn need Roger to serve them the food.


Dan : Why not?


Murph: Are you kidding me, you think I want a 30 year old guy who collects comic books has a lot of pimples, has red hair and has never had sex serving these guys? COME ON!

Dan : Oh yeah, whyd you hire him in the first place

Murph: I don’t know, he said he was looking for a job, I hired him , he’s nice but he’s a little kooky


Dan : So? We’ve all had a lot of kooky things

Murph: Sure, like Frank for example

Frank: Oh geez….


Dan : Are you trying to tell me aobut the time he picked up that Asain prositute only to find out it was* a man?


Frank : he was hot as a woman!

Murph: Yeah, but as a man he was ugly as sin

Frank : Oh right


Murph : So yeah, take their orders

Murph: Don’t even ask about that night we got drunk in Germany, THAT was…ugghhh


Dan : Anyways, what do you guys want?

Eric: Ill have a burger, everything on it


Emily: Ill have a burger too

Adam : Ill have oooh these chicken wings look really good

Dan : Theyre awesome

Adam : Alright!


Diana : Ill have some of this chicken sald


Dan : Ok and I know what you guys want

Rocko, Frank and Chad:* RIIIIIIIIIIIIBS!!!!!!!!!!!! BBQ!


Dan : Yup! Ok

*goes back*


Dan : Got them


Murph: Rocko, Frank and Chad ordred ribs right?

Dan : Yeah


Murph: Hey Roger!


Roger : Yes sir!


Murph: Do you have that bigger cup for that 10 year old yet?


Roger: Yeah

Murph: Don’t break it!!!


Roger : Ok

Murph: Just wait, youll hear a breaking sound

Dan : Yeah


*breaking sound is heard as kid strats whining*


Murph: CALLED IT!!!!!!!!!!!! *him and Dan hi-five*




Eric: That must be Roger


Emily : Yeah

Eric : I cnat wait for the party


Emily : I know!


Adam : We should get waiters and stuff

Eric: Roger can wait the kids; table


*all laugh*

Frank: We should get Dan and Murph there, maybe

Rocko: We will


Eric: Matt will be awesome

Adam : The Steins have some comedic genes, good ones

Diana: Matt is your brother??!?!?!?


Adam : Yup he is

Diana : I never knew that


‘Adam : Yeah Ive known Eric for a long time

Eric : Oh yeah, Ive known all those guys forever

Adam : Yeah

Eric: Cool, a jukebox

Emily : Play Pretty Fly For a White Guy

Eric ;YESS!!!!! I will if its on there

*goes up to jukebox and picks the song, then comes back*


Eric: I also picked How Bizarre


Emily: Awesome


Adam : Are those songs really your top two?

Eric: Well, definetly Pretty Fly For a White Guy first,m How Bizarre is in the top 10


Rocko: Cool


Adam : Rocko, Frank, chad whats you guys and Murph’s favorite song?

Rocko: Maybe Pour Some Sugar On Me

Frank: YEAH!!!

Chad: Definitely that, or Rock of Ages, or Renegade

Rocko: I will say this “Renegade” is an underrated classic Styx song,. Very popular, but no Mr. Roboto



Frank : Yeah Renegade is AWESOME

Adam: I like that one too!


Eric: Awesome, I was afraid youd say something like , I don’t know,Afternoon Delight


Frank: That one’s good when you’re drunk


Chad: Yeah

Rocko: Keep in mind we were teens during the 80s and in college too

Chad: Oh yeah and Wanted dead or Alive

Them:YES!!!!

Rocko: Yeah, Bon Jovi,GREAT song

Eric: I like that one too
Chad: and also “Baby Got Back” is a CLASSIC

Rocko: One of the great tunes of the 20th century

Frank: Sure as hell is!

Adam : I have a lot of favorite songs, but Ill have to mine is Boulevard of Broken Dreams


Diana: Another great one!


Eric: You what I wanna do? Have The Offspring play at the wedding?

Adam : You mean you wanna Pretty Fly For a White Guy play while everyone you know dancing at the reception

Eric: Yes, it will be awesome

Emily: We’ll see about that

Diana : I wanna have Boulevard of Broken Dreams at the wedding

Adam : Me too, or the Hawaii Five O theme

Rocko: Thatd be hilarious

Frank : Yeah, I remember you had Pour Some Sugar On Me at your wedding, I, of* course had Hungry Like the Wolf

Chad: Yeah, Murph had a western themed wedding and had Wanted Dead Or Alive, I had Baby Got Back


Eric: Oh yeah I remember

Rocko: Remember Cousin Amanda’s wedding?


Chad: Oh yeah, everyone hated you

Eric: Except a few yeah

Diana : They* all liked it until you started telling that one story about her

Rocko: You mean that “opposite of The Crying Game” story


Chad: Yeah that was HILARIOUS

Eric: Yeah the dude was* lady!!

Diana: Yeah, the penis was a sock with baseballs and tennis balls in it

Adam : Are you ****ing serious?

Diana : Yeah

Adam : HA!

Rocko: They ALMOST had sex

Chad: Yeah, didn’t they divorce after that?

Rocko: No, the husband knew, theyre still together

Frank: Cool, yeah I was there I think

*Dan walks over with food and gives it to them, and the drinks*
Dan : There ya go!


All: Thanks!


Rocko: Wanna know the story?

Eric: I vaguely remember it, so yeah

Adam : Im anxious it sound so great I just HAVE to know.

Rocko: Ok, Chad wanna help?

Chad: Sure

Rocko: Ok so, our sister, Amanda, whos a bit older than us, once had this date in high school, she didn’t know the guy really or the “guy”, and they wnet to a restraunt had fun and stuff. Then they went back to her house, and she wanted to have sex

Chad: He didn’t want to, and she thought he was a dork.

Rocko: Yeah and so then they got in the bed., the guy was too afraid to take his pants off, then Amanda noticed he didn’t have an erection yet


Chad: Yeah, so she wondered for a while, just to let on the suspense, then after a while

Rocko: The guy finally pulls down his pants and….IT’S A SOCK WITH TENNIS AND BASEBALLS IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*all laugh*

Eric: NOW I remember

Adam : HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. So what was the reaction?’


Rocko: Amanda, SCREAMS* loudly, then the next day after out parents asked how it went, she told them, they freaked out. It was HILARIOUS, she liked this guy then finds out it’s a LADY The opposite of The Crying Game


Adam* : Thatd be hilarious if it happened before that movie even came out

Rocko: Couple years before

Chad: Yeah, and hwne the movie came out, we kept teasing her saying”THEY MADE A MOVIE PARTIALLY BASED ON THAT ONE DATE YOU HAD”

*al llaugh*



Eric: Oh, yeah whens the day when Dad makes us go to that golf course?

Rocko: Oh, in a few days


Diana: Ugh why do we always have to go?


Eric: I don’t know, but I know you used to want to go there just to see the greenskeeper


Adam : Really?


Diana : Yeah

Adam : Ha

Diana: He IS cute

Adam : Oh yeah sure, no just kidding iM sure he’s nice

Eric: He is!

Rocko: Yeah , it should be fun


*cell phone rings*

Eric: That’s me , *picks it up* Hey!

Matt: Dude, I gotta tell you about what happened last night while I was delivering a pizza

Eric: What? Oh wait ,* Emily, Diana, Adam, Rocko and Chad are here too, want me to put* you on speaker phone? We’re at Monster Burger


Matt: AWESOME, ok go ahead!


Eric: Ok *does so*


Matt : OK, you guys listening? Oh and turn down the volume a bit, or is it really loud in there? WAIT is that OMC I hear?


Eric: Yeah!



Matt: Alright!* It sounds loud enough to where no one can hear me. Ok so Im delivering this pizza, a cheese filled, pepperoni pizza,had some sausage and stuff really good. So Im delivering** this pizza to a couple, I ring the doorbell. I ring it a few times. A guy answeres with his pants half down, and his wife is not the couch half nude and yeah* I delivered pizza to couple that was GETTING.IT ON.

The rest: *laugh* Oh man!

Matt: I know!

Eric: Did you tell the others

Matt: Of course!

Eric: But wait why were you delivering pizza?

Matt: Ehh I felt like it

Eric: Ah

Matt; Alright,bye guys!


Eric: Bye! *hangs up*


*later that day*


Laura: Dan, Charlie Benson’s coming tonight again

Dan : Ok,Ill leave your Celine Dion CDs

*both laugh*


Eric: Wait, why’s he coming?



Laura: Cause he wants to?


Dan : He wanted to go to your audition thing?


Emily: WHAT? We already have the entertainment


Laura: I know, honey I tried at him

Eric: Coudla just yelled at him* and told him to stay the hell away form our plans!

Laura* : I couldn’t do that


Eric: Ok fine, as long as that’s not the only thing he does

Diana : Better not be

Bill: Yeah


Eric: Isi it just gonna be us and him tonight?


Dan : Yeah

Eric: OK then

Rocko: Charlie Benson woop dee doo

Chad: Yeah. Really


*doorbell rings*

Eric: Here goes


Charlie: Hey everyone!



Everyone: Hey!



Charlie: Howd the audition thing go?


Eric: Awesome! We got ourselves a band and a comedian! And all the other bands/singer were really bad so yeah




Emily: Yup


Laura: Why don’t we go in here?


Charlie: That’s great!


Eric: Yeah, so umm hows the coaching going?


Charlie: Oh its just great , everyone is great.


Emily: Good


Rocko: So I hear you wanted to audition?

Chad: Yeah


Charlie: I did, bu tI didn’t want to, so I sent my younger brother Tom there….


Eric : THAT was your brother? Tell him how horrible he is!


Charlie: I don’t have to,I tried talking him out of it, but he kept his deicison anwyays, uhh JERK!!!!!! See, IM metro ok? He actually is gay so yeah


Eric: Ah, I see,well I see we think alike on this subject!


Charlie: Yep!

Dan : Well, now we know, what did you want to do?


Charlie: Sing of course


Eric: Go ahead, we don’t care



Charlie: LET ME TURN ON MY MUISC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*turns it on Super Freak plays*
*sings* She’s a very kinky giiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl, the kind you dotn take home to muthaaaaaaaa,she will nevah letcha spirits dooooooooooooooooooown once ya get her off the street, ow girl, she lieks theb osy in the baaaaaaaaaaaaaand,she says that Im her all time favoriiiiiiite, when I make my move to her itst he right tiiiiiiiime shes never hard to pleeeeeeease, that girl is really wiiiiiiiiiiiiild now The girls a super freak, I really like to taste heeeeeeeeeeer every time we meet, shes alright, shes alright, the girls alriiiiiiiight with me, shes a super freak, super freak shes super freakaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy yeah


*he continues as the others are kind of enjoying it, but also have weird looks on their faces, they start dancing a bit, but not much, they are halfd enjoying, half weirded out by this. He is doing weird dance moves too, the blinds are open so people can see him , but know one knows, they are also sort of singing along, Charlie is getting WAY to into it and takes his shirt off to show his tank top under it,and is singing,loudly,the song ends*



Charlie: How was that?


*everyone has weird/horrified looks in their faces*

Ill just…go in here

*goes in kitchen*



*everyone applauds, not cause they enjoyed it, but because Charlie was out their sight for a minute*


Dan : That was almost as bad as* the time we went to* see Gigli


Laura: I agree

CHARLIE, PUT YOUR SHIRT ON!



Charlie: Oh yeah , thanks *puts it on*



Eric: Man that was bad


Rocko : How bad? James Blunt bad or REO Speedwagon bad?

Eric : James Blunt


Chad: DAMN!

Eric: I know, at least we have The Pistols


Rocko : Yeah

Eric:* I guess this means dinner’s about ready? Cause I don’t want another hour of* Charlie and the Fruit Factory dancing to Funk’s Greatest Hits

Chad: Ha ha! Yeah

Charlie: How was it?

Dan: Excuse me while I try to puke



Ok thats it...FOR NOW